Stavvy's World - Nimesh Patel

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Nimesh Patel joins the pod to discuss his experience growing up as an Indian immigrant in New Jersey, epic Indian garba parties, his mom's reaction when he told her he wasn't going to be a doctor, working in telemarketing, selling knives, and more. Nimesh and Stav help callers including a guy leading on a woman he's not interested in but who's courting him with awesome baked goods, and a man who wants to know if a certain Greek stereotype is true.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY! HAPPY HAPPY! Welcome everybody to Starbucks World 904, 9-0-4-800-Stop. Carling will solve your problems. Got an awesome episode today. My boy, Nimesh Patel, coming all the way from Brooklyn, took a nice long Uber to beat his folks.

Oh, so stop and go. Yeah. I do like making everyone come to Queens. That does feel like- It is a power move. Yeah. My fucking- Yeah, I love it.

Fuck is this drugs? the bleep that We don't want these lunatics knowing where they exactly where the fuck and his mouth to by the way Yeah, like the fucking so they can't read is we don't need any deaf redditors reading his lips So we don't need any deaf redditors reading his lips. And finding out the address. You know what's scary is I was on Reddit the other day and there's people that can triangulate exactly where you are if it does like a picture of your house. And like that's fucking scary.

No, Ari has said that where he like he learned like how to take pictures in a way. Because he would just, he was so, he didn't wanna get reddited so bad that he would go like Thailand and like he would just disappear. But he said one time somebody like triangulated his, where he was like in some remote-ass part

of the fucking world. Yeah, we're lucky that guy, Geo Rainbolt, he uses his powers for good. You know that guy? No, that guy. That guy was like nice, nice. The guy who's like on Google Maps. Dude, you could show this guy a picture of grass,

blurry, and he'll be like, that's Botswana. Like he's awesome, like guy rules. But yeah, dude, yeah, don't stalk us. Don't, hopefully we're out of here soon. This is, this apartment, we've been in this apartment for you. I moved, this is the first place I moved when I came to New York. I fucking love, because I know how much I make on the road.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know much, you're making more like, and you have not lost the Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you gotta stay humble, bro. You never know when the government's gonna come taking all your money. Dude, I have that immigrant shit of like,

it's ending tomorrow. Yes. Like, keep your money, keep it, like, the fact that I use a bank is huge in terms of trust. You know what I mean? Like my, definitely from a family that would like put money in a fucking mattress, not let the government know about shit.

My dad, you know, we were poor, but he also, like it's funny, because he didn't make enough money to really have to pay taxes, but he still cheated on his taxes just out of the principle of the matter. Like the government. The government doesn't get to know how much

my contracting business makes, even though it was a fucking failure and he was a horrific businessman. You're doing okay, stop. If no one's told you that, you're doing okay, man. Thank you, buddy, I appreciate it. But that is the thing, I always worry about, because we have, I mean, we have an immigrant experience. Obviously we share that.

But Greeks, Greeks and Indians, much different place in the like, in the average success rate in America. I don't know much about how successful the Greeks have in. Not very, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they'll run a great restaurant. They'll run, they'll be like, you'll get a couple

who become like these like, they own everything and like, yeah, like they'll run a great restaurant. They'll run a they'll be like you'll get a couple who become like these like They own everything and like a they become like of landlords people on queens. Yeah, exactly that kind of shit But it's like in terms of in terms of like I Guess the thing that's interesting though when you when you're like a white ethnicity Is it like within a couple generations? I was just gonna say like, is there, did the Greeks come over here and change their last names because they've faced discrimination? In the beginning, yeah, so it's really funny because some of our, like some people we grew up with

in Baltimore, can we now just grew up in Baltimore together in Greak Town? He's Albanian though, so you don't have to talk to him. I could smell it on him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, if there was a cast system, Albanians just under ground. Like in the Greek, in the Greek cast system, Albanians don't even, they don't get to be on the pyramid.

It's like grass, worms, Albanians. My uncle crossed the border from Albania to Greece one time, and he said like border guards shot at him. And then he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like, he like Drunk some bullies to get another side of Greece. They were just willing to commit extra judicial murder to keep one Albanian out of Greece. And no, no, it would not have been a problem for those guys. Is it historically a problem, or is it historically, y'all Albanians did something or it was just pure racist? Pure racist.

Pure, just like a part of the world where everyone is the same to the rest of the world. It's like, no one knows the difference between Albanians and Serbia. For sure, but that is, you know that racism is so deep baked into the human brain that you go to Eastern Europe, and it's just slightly different variations

of white people will hate each other. It's like blooding Ukraine and it's like, you're all the same to me. I don't know why you're finding it. It's borderline like, as if not more racist than like, you know, they treat, you know, then you had here between like, maybe not black people definitely got it the worst,

but if we're talking Hispanic, I think Albanians get treated worse than Hispanics do, or at least did. That's the suffering, the racism suffering index. We should figure that out, though. We should be here being here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure.

Because they were, they're straight up killing each other. They're still straight up doing like, especially like Yugoslavia when those countries broke up. Like, have you ever seen the two brothers, the documentary through the Yugoslavia national basketball team. It's really fucking good. I've heard about it But I think I'm not like the white struggle Well, that's the thing if you can sneak in through basketball It's like it talks about how I mean that Yugoslavia team they had if if you were like to read If you were like to put back Yugoslavia before it was like, you know, separated, it would be Serbia, it would be wherever the fuck Lucas from.

We're, uh, Croatia, but you'd have, so Serbia, Croatia, wherever the fuck Lucas from, and he Slovenia Slovenia, Slovenia, oh man. So dude, those teams might, if you, we're talking Yokeuch, Luca, and a bunch of Croatians. What's the name, Pasia Steyovka? Yokeuch, yeah, yeah. But like, in today, if you were to get like the modern Yugoslavian team, they could legitimately beat America.

Like, they're that good. You would call them the chain smokers. Yeah. Yeah. That's Luca's secret. Absolutely. He's just fucking slam and six. He's so awesome.

Because he is like, he does have, it's crazy to even say that he is his talent or he has like the game of LeBron James, but he just will never take care of his body. The one LeBron did. Like if LeBron was in the gym, dude, this guy would already be. So monster.

Already, I mean, yeah, that's that picture of him drinking a beer, but that's in the playoffs. Yeah. But he was playing the Warriors and he was drinking a beer is awesome. He's a monster But you know I my favorite Eastern European story. I was in Peru with my friends like right after graduation College graduation and we're with two Polish dudes Mm-hmm and we had to climb this mountain for a hike and it's like you know not that high

But it's enough where we're getting winded. Of course. These two Polish dudes just like plays past us. And this smoking cigarettes the whole time. And it was like a portly guy, the other one's like a rail thing. Oh, fuck. I'm thinking the brain just flying around. It's awesome.

Yeah, I don't know. It's truly the cigarettes. And like some of those motherfuckers will live forever. Yeah. It's awesome. It's cigarettes. It's truly the cigarettes. And like some of those motherfuckers will live forever. It's awesome. But the... Hating cigarettes keep you alive. Yeah, hating other whites. Yeah, racism towards other whites and cigarettes.

That's the fountain of youth. But yeah, the thing we're talking about before we went on these halotangents here was that like yeah, there's a bunch of people that like, change their name and there's two generations of Greeks where you have the Ellis Island Greeks where they wanted to assimilate, we're talking like 40s, 50s, that kind of thing. And they changed their name from like,

pop a popodopolis to papus. Or I knew someone who was like, this is a sopolis that went to Zezis or something. Like they would shorten it, and even like one of our friends, his name was like, his grandfather's name was like, some long ass name and they just gave him the name Birch. Like it just didn't, it was nothing like his name. And like, and like we have a friend who,

his grandfather came to America in the 50s, met for Got Greek. Like he has like relatives that will move to Cleveland, Pittsburgh, and they just became like fucking white people. Like Americans, right. Within a generation, it wasn't even like that. This guy forgot Greek, met the lady who he married, who was fresh off the book, Greek didn't know English,

relearned Greek with a fucking greek with an american accent wow and it's like it's this insane thing within the span of one guy the power of pussy man yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she must honestly sucks pretty good dick she had that vibe i only yours a very old lady but she she was up to something back in the side of your friend man my apology no no i mean there's we we don't we won't get into it but old lady, but she was up to something back in the day. I'm sorry, sorry, friend, man, my apologies. No, no, no, we won't get into it, but there are some funny stories where it feels like she did, she gave up some pussy back in the day.

But. I bet there are like super successful businessmen who are Greek, but they just don't claim Greek because you can hide it or. Well, that's the thing that's so interesting is that for better or work, right? There's always you some negatives to not being able to hide your ethnic identity,

like racism, profiling all this kind of shit. But that is something I think about all the time where it's like, it would be so easy for an ethnically white, like, not minority exactly, but you know, an ethnic white population within a generation or two, if you don't like teach your kid Greek, if you don't like send them degrees to,

like he could just be a fucking honky-ass mother. Just a regular ass white person. If you grew up in Alabama, like you will be Stavros Hiokas speaking. I'd be Steve Halk. Yeah. I was trying'd be Steve Halk. I would straight up be Steve Halk. I literally am scared of that. Because being Greek it's like whatever.

I have, I don't know how you feel. I feel like most immigrants have a complicated relationship with their parents one way or another. But I still, and there was definitely a part of me when I was going through my rebellious shit in my early 20s where I I was like, fuck this. I don't want anything to do with this bullshit. Like, yeah, I'm Greek, whatever, I don't care.

And going to Greece was always this fucking thing where I was like, I'd have to see my fucking relatives. And then you're fucking annoying. And they would, you know, they would just tell me, I'm too fucking fat. They would be like, you know, they're good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've told the story so many times with my aunt,

the last time I went to Greece, the first thing she says to me is, you want meatballs, you fat homo? That was like that's that. That's like word one. And look, my family's a piece of shit with everybody. Anyway, I had this like, I had this, yeah, they're fun. When you accept this, I had this. It sounds awesome.

Yeah, they're fun. When you accept them for what they are, they're awesome. But when you're like a little ass kid, and you're like, wow, this is, and my dad would talk it up. He would be like, he would always guilt you. I don't know, I don't know if Indians like don't want to go to India, the way Greeks, because the thing I was saying earlier,

is there's two generations. There's the Ellis Island assimilate. And my family came here in 1984. You know what I mean? 82, like, their Jerry Cur assimilate and my family came here in 1984. Okay. You know what I mean? 82, like, their Jerry Curls existed when my family, when my family immigrated. You know what I mean? So, they, they didn't want to be here. They came, my dad didn't want to be here.

He didn't have any of that like, wow America, the greatest country in the world. It was more like, my mom's parents were here and they were like, all right, we'll go save up money, we'll work in America for a right, well we'll go save up money, we'll work in America for a couple years and we'll move back to Greece. And then they just got stuck here. So there's this perpetual, like the 80s Greek immigrants, they weren't fleeing, Greece wasn't that bad.

It was just maybe a little better or you had like relatives that were like come and a lot of them kind of felt like they got trapped here. They never assimilated. My dad, like, you know, we had Kate, we had fucking satellite Greek TV. Like we, he, all his friends, he goes to a coffee shop. They all speak Greek.

Like he could not, he still speaks better Greek without question and uses it way more than he does English. So it's this weird thing where if you're gonna rebel against, if you don't like your family, it kind of pushes you into mainstream American culture. Like I have friends who just don't like their families and they don't wanna be Greek as a result. So I grew up surrounded by Indian people.

Right. Like there's this narrative in American culture now that it's like all the Indians have only grew up around one Indian person like that's why there's always like this Whoa with me kind of Indian shit right at least with with some people I know whereas with me It's like I grew up surrounded by Indian people So my rebellion came from not not wanting to be Indian but not wanting to be Indian like everyone else was Indian right right So I would do my own shit and like, I didn't, that like helped me, held me back in terms of

being fully immersed in Indian culture. But I still have bits and pieces of it. I'm like, oh, this shit was dope. I used to go to this thing called Gerb, all the time. I was watching, I watched the special, I wanted to ask you about Gerb. Gerbos, I'm sorry.

Gerbos, like the greatest, like the most formative. And I wish my regret is I didn't embrace it enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it was such a phenomenon. And I'm sure it still happens. Like Gerbo is still a thing that happens. And I'm sure it's as impactful for teenagers living through it now that it was for me, but it was Friday, Saturdays in September, October at the high school.

Like everyone from town, everyone from like the surrounding towns, all the teenagers will come and we would, it's to celebrate the triumph of good over evil. Yeah, it's like a religious, it has, it's roots as like a religious almost festival that's the thing. And you guys did a version of it in a Jersey high school. Yes, auto tour and massive and we would be hundreds of people dancing.

Which by the way, Gerba does sound like what a racist person thinks in Indian party. Oh, y'all gonna go to a Gerba Gerba. The genius in Gerba. That's what it is. You call it. Well y'all eatin eating some Moses at the Gerber We're doing it away from you guys We're giving you Friday and Saturday off from all the Cologne in the movie theater

Yeah, you get you get the breeze deeply Let us have our fucking dance And so it was just the damn that shit must have smelled like cologne and saffron it was When you're around You smell like home just I can't wait. Carve Cologne. Yeah. You know, fucking.

Yeah. Beto Leaf Pond. Oh, yeah, I love it. That was our cornerstone of, it was at the beginning of the school year. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, nice. I think it was a social opportunity.

Yeah, all the kids would be like, like a bunch of the teenagers, like we would go in for the fast dance because it's broken into two dances. Into two sections. Is it beginning dance, which is kind of slow? And we'd go around the soak on it, speed up until there's arthi, which is in the middle where you praise God. Come back, it's like almost an intermission, you come back, and then it starts kind of fast, and then rosses at the end, which we do a dance with sticks and find a partner and all beat and shit and fucking pop. But in the lows, teenagers would just be hanging out with other teenagers doing teenage shit.

Like hitting on girls and playing. Get in drunk prides. That's the first place you got drunk or something. I never got drunk there. Oh, and some more other people getting drunk. Yeah, I mean, people would take shots and all that kind of stuff. I'm sure all the uncles would lit up at some point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But a lot take shots and all that kind of stuff. I'm sure all the uncles would lit up at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like a lot of us, it would be more for us to just socialize with teenage girls and teenage guys and we just hang out and bullshit the entire time. And like, what's going on? And it was also like where we would flex our newest outfits. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, what's the basis today?

Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. So this is the, we're talking like 2006 probably. Yeah So this is the this we're talking like 2006 probably I was in high school from oh 2002 2004 okay 2002 that's before so yeah, what what's fashion like what's Indian suburban teenage fashion look man? I was I was all over the map Because I have puberty at a time I hit puberty in oh I was so happy. I hit puberty at a time. I hit puberty in three I would say,

0203. And when I was first, when I first started dressing, I was my dad's store liquor store was in a black neighborhood. So he would come home with that fashion influence. And I was like, you're dead? Yeah, I was your dad. Where's throwback jerseys?

Perri Ellis, Paul Connye, Fickl. That's Perri Ellis' over there. I was rocking. Perri-Peri-Ellis. Paul and I think that's- That's Perri-El disover there. I almost rocked some Perri-Elis. That's too big. I was not a real- I was a Perri-El disover. Sergio Tashini, like all that shit I had on. I'm a big Sergio head these days.

I had all- I had it fucking way back. Yeah. And then puberty hit and I had older cousin or two that would dress like banana republic. The happy shit. Yeah, I'm like. That's so funny. That's exactly what I was gonna say.

That's exactly how the fashion was for me because it's like, I'm a little younger, but we're the same generation pretty much. I graduated in 2007 and I grew up in Baltimore. So it's like, you know, like my jeans were baggy as fuck. I didn't have any jeans that were not baggy. But when you went to like all the Greek dances and shit, you're like, all right, well, I gotta dress up a little bit.

So it would essentially be like baggy ass jeans that should have like a tall, a three-exel tall tee, you know? But now they're, I got like this fucking tight, like my polo, and I got, I look like a fucking jug. I look like a juggalo from like, waist down, and I look like a fucking jug. I look like a juggalo from like feet, waist down and I look like I'm like, about to fail a fucking job interview from the fucking waist up.

That was getting no pussy of course. Of course not. I still remember one of my most distinct outfits was and I recall it because I got like looks and compliments. Like weird looks and also like common was, oh that looks cool. It was like looks and compliments. Like weird looks and also like compliments. Oh, that looks cool. It was like a olive green. And this I would say like 10th or 11th grade.

Olive green, gap polo, jankos and temps. Mm. Yeah. Like the freshest teams you ever seen. That is so fucking funny. That's such a schizophrenic outfit. It's like none of that shit makes sense at all.

None of it at all, but I thought I was so cool. It's like you robbed three different people and took their best clothes. Yeah, yeah. Keep it in fucking jeans. I'm not gonna get it in the end. I'm not gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end.

I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get it in the end. I'm gonna get Pooh with a magic. But it was my cousin who was older and was getting girls. I was like, oh, this is what he's wearing. I gotta be like, man. But I also gotta maintain my own sense of style. Of course, of course. And I like Tim's.

Yeah. So I'm combined with both. That's so fucking, yeah. My big look for years was the fucking, was like a class, it's truly a classic like lesbian look of the, of like some kind of loud button up, like short sleeve Hawaiian or graphic white tea underneath and just like shorts or like jeans or like cargo's

or some sort of... I'm saying that. Yeah, I was like, I thought I was the man with the open, with the open Hawaiian with the white shirt underneath, dude. That was my fucking look. Do you look like you evade Texas? white shirt underneath, dude. That was my fucking look. Do you look like you evade Texas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was awesome.

I had a, like a, and I also, I wore jeans late in the game, because I don't know, I think just being fat and it was like the buttons would dig into me or something like that. And so I was wearing like dress pants for, before I made the, before I made the switch to baggy jeans, I would be wearing the pants I wore to church with a Hawaiian shirt over top. It was like it. I wish I had more pictures of me in my fucking flight.

I have one, let me see if I find one. In my precious. Elders, what were you looking like? Did you wear sweaters back in the day? I was like a mix of just swagless fat white boy. So, you're talking about some Some gap half zip up. Yeah, through middle school kind of left Baltimore at this point. Yeah, we grew up We were kids together. This is me my cousins. Oh hell yeah, that's awesome

You gotta send that to me. We'll put it in the episode Like this was I think one of our cousins weddings I love it all just wore like a different variant of a knee on a knee on like green or pink or yellow Express shirt and this is this is I want to say like 9th or 10th grade. Yes Yes, I had those I had the Irish you know my cousin and Janko's in Tim Well, we'll throw those on the episode. And that key text is what, yeah. I send them to you.

Yeah, that's fucking awesome. So Gerba's just like this fucking the party. Everyone's in their freshest. Yeah, and we were freshest fits. We would go to Macy's and pick shit out. And then the neck, but not take the tags off. And we had this technique where you would take a needle Mm-hmm and just make the hole where the tag was just a little bigger enough to take it out take it out. Yeah

Wash return you would wash it. Oh, no miss melt. Yeah We we went over what Gerba smells like We went over what Gerba smells like. You know? It's still sweat, bro. Yeah. Children's. But we were clever and a little devil. That's awesome, dude.

That's fucking hilarious. So that must have been, because we had, I mean, I'm jealous that you had it basically every, it was every weekend. Every weekend for September, October? September, October, like four to six weeks. Yeah. And we went to go every weekend. And then once we got until like a later teen years, when we would go to this club called platinum in New Brunswick

And that was just like every Friday or Saturday It's a giant Indian party Like an all-age is club type of thing. It was 18 plus Okay, and then at some point became I think Friday's 18 and Saturday's like 21 or something, but I was I was 23 since I was 17 So it would just be like I'm just slide in here As long as their asses were covered with someone so we would just be in there drunk hitting on girls and wow now That's because we had the Greek festival which was the big that but it was one night a year, and that was like, you get fucked up there

for the first time, you get, like we would have, and it's the same exact vibe, basically, where it's like, uncles, everyone's in there, old people, people in their 20s, teens, everyone, everyone was in there, you would sneak in, you know, you would have your older cousin

or like your family friend, just like buy you booze when you're fucking 14. And just, you know, getting fucked up. That's the first place I touched breasts in the church. I was touched in the church. I think I've told this, I don't know if I've told someone in the podcast, but it was like, I'm literally,

like I'm making out with this girl. And you know, we make out and we're like, should we go somewhere else? Cause, you know, this girl was like, she was just randomly there. She's from our high school and she just happened to show up at the Greek festival. Not Greek.

Not Greek, just a white girl. Like I sorting you her and thank, cause like I was such a pussy, I was like never gonna make a move when I was 14, 15. Like it took until I was literally in college and like in a relationship for me to be like, all right, I should try and fuck this woman. You know, like I needed that level of reassurance that I wouldn't get rejected.

But this girl just made the move and I was like, hell yeah, do this rocks. And we went upstairs to go. And so like there's all these little looks and crannies in the church. And there's like a church office, you know, I knew where it was. Like I would, you know, we had Greek school there. Like it really was a community center. So I knew this, the layout. And there was like, I called it out.

And it's like, this is like midnight on a Saturday. So I'm like, no one's in the fucking office. But the door was locked, but there's like a little reception area right there with some chairs. And we start making out, I'm touching a breast for the first time in my life, feeling awesome.

And then the door to the office opens. Oh no. And like six or eight old Greek guys in suits, they were counting the money from the festival, they were doing the accounting that night. They just see like a teenager, two teenagers. Well, I got my fat little mitts on a titty for the first time. I'm just like, I'm not gonna, you know.

And we're just like, we just freeze. But as a thing, dude, Greek old Greek men are all for children getting pussy. So they didn't blow up my spot. They just walked by one guy literally winks at me and they just keep it moving. They didn't hand you any money. No, he should have. He should have.

He should have been bezzled. But I was so fucking jo- I was literally too jo- I was also blackout drunk. So I was like fighting back. Not blackout because I remember, but I was like fighting back like throwing up the whole time and like my dick straight up was not work. Like I had whiskey dig as a child. The first time a woman like rubbed my penis, it was soft. And I was like, what's going on?

I'm like, you know, like I can't, it was truly, it was a win in a certain way because I touched a breast, but that could have been the best night of my life. I just had a little less alcohol. I feel like whiskey dig always strikes when it's supposed to though. I can't think of time. to breast, but that could have been the best night of my life if I just had a little less alcohol. I feel like whiskey dick always strikes when it's supposed to though. I can't think of time. I can think of the few times I've had whiskey dick and it's been like, I'm glad I've

had it because I probably should not have sex with this person. Well, there definitely was the rumor that this girl at 15 had herpes. So you know, and she did have a pretty wicked cold soul. I mean, if she's a Greek fist. Yeah, she's not Greek. She lived all the way across town. She wasn't like a local. She was like, he was looking for something. This is like a 30 minute drive. I was like, how the fuck did this happen? And we weren't even like close in high school. Like, I knew her, but it wasn't like,

we're friends or anything. So yeah, you're probably she was hunting man. Yeah, she also had a boyfriend I think it was that kind of thing where I remember you know cuz I'm like all right It didn't work, but I'll probably get my dick sucked by this girl tomorrow, you know when you're 14 and a girl throws Annie hoes. Yeah, you're like ends the my space days So I'm just like, you know chatting you know, I'm just like I did it had instant messenger I had DMs on my space, I think. I never used my space. Really?

No. Never in my space, guys. Never in my space, guys. Just aim to Facebook. Maybe it was aim, maybe we're talking over aim. Aim G-Chat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm thinking like, I'm thinking like, damn,

I'm about to be in this bitch's top eight, you know? And I stalk her on my space, because again, we weren't even like friends, we just sorting you each other. And I look, and I'm like, we're aim, you know, we weren't even like friends. We just sorting you each other and I look and I'm like We're ain't we know we're chatting and she's like, haha that was you know She's like, oh, I don't remember anything. I'm like oh, yeah, I was like yeah I was like how last night was pretty cool. She's like yeah, I was so drunk I don't really remember what happened and then I had to just be like what don't tell those

Uncle's and then I had to be like, I don't, I think she, because I'm like, whoa, I was like, I don't, I think she did remember, but she was cheating on her boyfriend. And then I go to her my space and it's like, pictures of her with some guy. And she's like, you know, this fucking guy's in a top eight and shit.

And then I just be like, how mean, me neither. I don't remember. You know, I'm sorry. I'm'm sorry that was your first titty experience. There was the time I almost got, I almost, uh, well, but anyway, so that's, that was the vibe. It was really the more, I was at my telemarketing job. You did telemarketing? I was a telemarketer, me too.

Yeah, we got, so a company called TMR. TMR. We did research, yeah. We would call people and just read surveys and nine times out of ten it was fucking they would do that Feel weird to be doing to be a Indian in America doing telemarketing Did they recruit they're like look these guys? It was a lot of Indians Never struck me as on until just It never struck me as odd until just now.

We need ones that sound regular. They're like, they're on to us. Wow, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was it. You're the rare, you're an Indian guy saying you're Namesh like an American. Yeah, instead of sounding Indian and being like, you know, I'm friends. He is. He is. He is the match man. Who is this deep voice, the match?

Yeah. Why do you think Indian? Yeah. Why can't you? Yeah, what kind of Jedi mind trick is this? This is why they're trying to get us to think, oh, why guy is Indian? I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day,

I love, you know what I love, mango the fruit. I love it sweet, it's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad.

You know, many times I've gotten sucked off. Be like this actually One time I Want to come back for some fruit salad and I thought it was smooth and then some girl after she fucking was like That was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort. D'siac. Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've often times I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah, and I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard?

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Shining in the light. One little gleam. One little gleam when I turned my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow.

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Then, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, fucking idiot. There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on what, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick.

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All right. I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste, do make me very impressed. You've seen, you've seen me take edible stuff. That's true. Just because you wanted a little dummy. I've seen you take weed

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Quick and easy, be sure to use code stav20 to save 20% off your first order. You and your partner are gonna love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.

Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms, and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal.

This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Yeah, I did tell them I did all that shit, man. Hell yeah. So it was just, you said it was surveys. It was a surveys and I hated it. Yeah, oh yeah, it sucked. It was a horrible job. I was like, what the fuck? Like I'm smart. Yeah, what am I doing? I got a fucking 1470 on my SATs.

I don't have a phone call for it in the summer. Oh, so that was after high school? No, this was, I think my junior year, I think my cousin like got me a job. That's exactly the time frame. I was it, but my dude mine was bad. Like I mean, I was bad at the job, so thank God I didn't. But I have, looking back, the company I work for fully contributed to the housing crisis. It was a company called American Government Mortgage. And the whole business model, the whole business model was calling old people, letting them think it was the government,

thinking it was the American government calling them. And basically, we never said it was the government, but it's like, you say you're American government mortgage, and you say you need to refinance. Like, you make them feel like it has to happen. Wow. And... Are you admitting to a crime right now? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no? No, no, no, no, you see. I literally, I don't think I closed one single thing at once. And it was the kind of thing where it works on a sliding scale.

So like, I made like, you know, minimum wage. But it depended if you did one to three, whatever a week, you got eight bucks an hour. If you did four to four, you, and it went all the way up to like 15, which this is 2006. So like 15 bucks an hour was like pretty good. All the way up to make like 20. And there was one girl dude.

She was like kind of hot, but her voice was like, like she could have been a phone sex operator. She was like kind of this like nerdy black girl, but she just had like this sultry deep sexy, like literally like hot voice. And this bitch, like every other person she called refinanced. It wasn't saying. So she was caked up and you would get like a bump if it went through.

Like you would get, your pay would get bumped if they just filled out the application. But if it closed, if the loan actually closed, you got like a $500 bonus or something. You only got $500 bucks for Jack and some of the more but what at but at the time, you know, which all kids It's all like yeah or losers or like fucking like people on drugs in Baltimore Like this is still subvert like this is like the suburbs of Baltimore But not the good ones. There's like there's real white trash suburbs in Baltimore Yeah, so this was like not a fucking good suburbs. Yeah, like fucking neck tattoo guys We're like just fucking do it. Just it's good for you

We're trying to give you a better mortgage Oh, is it still around? Oh, they've moved go to their yellow page. Let's see what kind of reviews they have better business Oh, they moved to canon, huh? We were in the fucking we we were in Perry Hall. I don't see a single review for them though. These are sponsored reviews. Yeah, anyway, real scam company. My boss was a guy who just like,

he would like show his balls to you. Like, it was like, he would pull his nuts out. This guy, I don't wanna say his name, but he was like, he would talk about like, going to Ocean City and cheating on his wife. And he would be like, with like a fucking, and he's a scumbag. He's like, you know, some like, just like.

Did he run the company? He was the, he was our, he was like our boss, but I don't know who ran the company. And there was like one guy in an office who was just like, you could tell he used to be some kind of banker and now he's like been reduced. There must have been some scandal. Cocaine product.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was a hilarious place to work, and I never, but it was like, it looking back, I'm like, yeah, fully this company just cheated. Cheated old people out of their shit. Those are the worst kinds. Yeah. I guess if you're young, you don't know any better.

Yeah, well, I was my thick sophomore year. I did a vector marketing. You know what that is? That's the cut co-knies. if you're young, you don't know any better. Yeah, well, I was my thick sophomore year. I did a vector marketing. You know what I did? That's the Kod-Konai. Yes, Kod-Konai. That's a classic. That was going around big time.

I fell for that. Classic pyramid scheme. Yeah, I fell for that hard and fast. I understood that, yeah. My parents bought a knife set, you know, and the only people that bought a knife set. Yeah. My mom still uses like a really shit.

No. Those knives are like really shit. No. Those knives are like special occasion. I'm like, what special occasion? Hahaha. So 900 all knife set back in 2003. And they're not that good. No, that way. My favorite part of selling those knives

was I went to my uncle's house. And one of the selling points that they teach you in vector marketing is show, give him a pair of shoes and cut through his pair of shoes. Like, cut through his leather belt with these special scissors. I go to my uncle's house, I do the demonstration. He brings out like his kitchen sheers, like just fucking run down, rusty,

and does the same thing. I was like, well, that was demoralized. My sister did that for like two weeks. And they did the same thing, but they were like, yeah, go to people's homes and show them. You can cut a penny with these scissors. And she'd like be there, take her like 10 minutes. So like, not all the way through this fucking penny.

It's like, okay, I don't know what I'm ever gonna do. What am I ever gonna cut a penny? Yeah, that's so fucking funny. And like, some of us like really bought it and I bought it for about a week. Yeah. Because I thought I would get like,

Well, you're a teen, you want to make quick money, like they know what they're doing. I want to be successful at something. I want to prove that I can do something well. And I had a connection at an Indian restaurant. I was like, this Indian people will sit down with me, they'll buy the knives. I'd if I can do something well. And I had a connection at an Indian restaurant. I was like, this Indian people will sit down with me, they'll buy the knives. If I can get a restaurant, like this jeans.

Right, right, right. Go all the restaurants, they're like, these are good knives, but they're too expensive for how we use them. We throw these shits around, and fucking bang them up. Like, there's no way we need this kind of knife. And then like, two days later, I was like,

this is bullshit. And everyone that pulled up that was in the manager had like their parents tore you to camera here, whatever this guy rolled up in a brand new infinity SUV at the time. And he's like, big ass suit. And he thought he was hot shit. Just running a bunch of teenagers.

That's so much. So from the top of the teenager pyramid. Yes, yes. One of those big triangular, I still remember big triangular knot tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Such a salesman. Meanwhile, we're on like the second floor above a vacuum shop Well, he made all his money getting you guys to sell to your parents. Yes, those were all his knives

Yeah, he gets the he gets a piece of that fucking trash Yeah, that's the only people who can fucking make that kind of money are pure sociopaths. He did it well Yeah, good for him, dude That's so that is fucking hilarious though. All this shit you did as a fucking kid when you just wanted to be sick. And I'm sure that was like always a thing of like trying to be successful.

I mean, you're dead. Like, you had a big family, right? You're like, I have a huge family. They all lived in the same area. Yeah, yeah, me, my immediate family is four people and my mom and my dad my sister and I, but then all my cousins, I have 16 first cousins.

Oh, it's shit. So there's so much like pressure to look. And like the immigrant shit, you're your first generation, you were born here. I was born here, yeah. We were parents, my parents were now. Yeah, so we're the same boat. So that kind of like, there must have been that drive.

And especially when you have all those cousins, all that competition. Yeah, that must have been like a constant, there must have been like a power ranking of the cousins going on constantly. Oh, I'm a still it still I mean some like some of us have done really well other what other ones are doing good. Yeah, but when I was a kid it was Like I was quote unquote the smart one right like because I did the best and Pressure though and I was like yeah, I was quote unquote the smart one, right? Like, because I did the best in a smarter pressure though. And I was like, yeah, I was the tallest,

you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Two or one, baby. I love it, dude. It goes back to like almost like primal shit, like almost like animalistic. I was like, he's the biggest one. Yes.

He's the best. He's gonna be a doctor, save us all. Yeah, a tall doctor. Cause those two are correlated. Yeah, and I thought, and either I was accepted into thinking I wanted to be a doctor or I actually did want to be a doctor. And then obviously that didn't work out.

And while you dropped that fucking shit real head, but, but. Yeah, so you dropped that you were pre-med in NYU and then you dropped out, how old would we talk? I didn't drop, I didn't drop out of school. I dropped pre-med, my junior year. That's your Indian equivalent of dropping out of school. When you drop out of premed,

I might as well tell my mom like I was gonna kill myself. Yeah, I'm gonna start sucking cocks under the bridge. Yeah. Like no, it's the same. You might as well. It's equal to not being a doctor. It was a very loud scream. Yeah. It was like a very loud scream. Yeah.

It was like a straight up scream. Yeah. Well, my cousin tells me, okay, he is a ER doctor. He tells me stories about having heard, like moms being told that their child is dead, you know? And I think it was like equivalent loss. In my like I was like, what the fuck was that? Over the phone. Over the phone.

I did not have the balls to go home. And tell you know, they were paying my fucking dorm room rent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to stay there and secure the spot as long as I could. It was bad, but you know, that big large family thing, like I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world. That dynamic was the best. Like Greeks have large families too.

I have a pretty small, like even four Greek people, like half my family's in Greece, but we only, I only have three cousins total. Oh shit. So my family, my parents each had one sibling and they didn't have that many kids. Yeah, brother and sister. I have two brothers.

Okay. So, you know, it's like a medium size. And we have, there was like an extended family thing of like, you know, my parents moved here like I said in the 80s and there was still a pretty thriving Greek community in Greek town where like my parents were in a Greek language theater company. Like in the 80s, in Baltimore, that's pretty sick, there were so many Greek people there that like, you could support that, like culturally. So they had made a ton of friends and they had like, you know, you had like the fake uncles

and fake cousins. Why did Greek people migrate to Baltimore? It was just like a port city thing, honestly. It was like, there's a lot of Greeks in, there's a lot of Greeks in fucking New York. Not as many in Philly for whatever reason, but like New York, Baltimore. It's Philly's garbage. Yeah.

Yeah. You get a lot of them, you get, I mean, you get Greeks in a lot of just like travel hubs, like they just ended up there. Yeah. But yeah, it's so funny because my grandfather, when he moved to Greece, he had the option to move to New York, or when he moved to America from Greece.

He literally just took a job in, he was like, my mom's family would just travel, he was a machine worker, and he would just get jobs wherever he could. And he had the option, a guy in a coffee shop was like, I have this great job for you, the problem is it's in America. And he just, of course, takes it without even asking

my grandmother, that's what we're talking about here. That's the, that's the, that's the, the, that's the, that's what we're talking about here. He just goes home and he's like, I'm going to America, I'll send money back, you guys can come in six months. But the guy gave him two options and he was like, he was like, New York, literally this neighborhood

that I'm in right now, a story is the Greek neighborhood. You're moving to New York or you can move to Baltimore and he knew one guy that lived in Baltimore. That's all it takes, man. And it was like, yeah, I'll go to Baltimore. And it's just like in hindsight, I'm glad he didn't, because I literally probably wouldn't exist, because my mom hated Baltimore so much.

She moved back to Greece and met my father in Athens. Like if she had moved to New York, like part of me is like, if he had moved to New York, like part of me is like, if he had moved to New York, they'd own a house in New York. Like the house they owned probably would be worth $2 million now, whereas the house they own in Baltimore costs,

it'll just literally worth $130,000. $1,000 now, like, Greek town in Baltimore fucking sucks. The Greek neighborhood here is fucking nice. But then, so you think like, whoa, imagine if I grew up in New York, but that's not what would happen. What would happen is my mom would have stayed in New York.

She would have fucking, because she was an artist, she was very artistic, and she would have found, she would have figured it out here, met some guy, she would have had a much better life. But it would have been better for her, but I wouldn't have existed. Never means my dumb ass dad.

I mean, you know, I'm like, but it is funny to think about that shit. But yeah, so we just ended up in Baltimore and wherever you have enclaves of Greek people, like they really do, like, you do find them sticking together, although I guess I don't know. Every group is like that, I think. I mean, when my parents came here,

it was one person moved to Newark because they got a job there. And they're like, we're gonna live in Newark. And then my grandpa got punched in the face in the elevator and he was like, all right, guess we're leaving this place. You know? So Italians left Newark, Indians came in

and then you guys left. Yes, that's really what it was. There's a small, white flight Indian influx. It was a slow, like, color wheel to black. It was like, it was like, you know, fucking German, Irish, Italian, Indian, just black people now. That's what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like any person, Indian person I talk to, their origin story is, oh, there was one other Indian person there, and they just called their cousin, and was like, hey, come here. And then, now, there was one other Indian person there and they just called their cousin, and was like, hey, come here. And now population exists. It is cool to see that, I mean, like, I was just in Houston and it's just like, there's Vietnamese people there. And it's like, just one guy went there by accident and just all his family must have come.

Yes, the same with Minneapolis and the Somalians. Yes, all of it is because one cousin. It was 100%. That's all it takes. It's one one cousin one person who's talkative is like Hey, you gotta come here and at least Houston makes sense like it's humid It kind of feel like I don't know what Vietnam is like but like it's humid as fuck like it's like hot all the time It's like oh, that's probably like it but some of these many apples. It's like what the fuck Yeah, it's cold

This fuck bro. What are you guys doing my my wife is telling me a story about one of her friends who Thought he was applying to a school in Hawaii Mm-hmm ended up in like Minnesota because there's like two matching names Wow and and just stayed in Minnesota. It's like this is this I guess That's fucking wild, dude. That's fucking insanity. It's for very little English. Yeah.

I guess I'm gonna go to, he got in. It's like, my mom, I'm going to Hawaii. Yeah. Fucking, it's cold. Damn, that's fucking brutal. Yeah. You're going to fucking Hawaii. Milwaukee, I think it was, because there's

a lot of caves in the name. Yeah. I'm gonna go fucking Waikiki, and it's fucking Milwaukee. Yeah. But that's like so many stories. I like that. Every story is just like,

motherfucker's got lost and we're now here, we are in Kansas. Yeah, no, I get that shit. But that's so, okay, so you're, that, so you, once you drop out, they're fucking pissed off at you. But your whole life, you must have thought, like, this is what I wanna do. Cause it's funny, I had that moment too,

where I was like, I don't wanna do this. Do what? Like just cause my, I was never a doctor material, moment too where I was like, I don't wanna do this. Do what? Like just because I was never a doctor material, but they thought I was gonna be like a lawyer. I was the first born son, like that whole immigrant show. I could see lawyer, I could see that as a lawyer. I could have actually been a lawyer, I think. But I had good grade, I was the same way.

I had good grade, I was good at school, even though I fucking hated it, but I was good at it. And so I had that, I obviously, I kind of knew, I think I really legitimately knew, probably since I was like fucking 15, I wanted to do comedy. Really? I didn't have that at all.

But in the back of my head, it was never a thing that I kind of vocalized, but like, you know, me and I was regrouped together, like, we were comedy nerds. Like we were writing sketches and shit. Like we were like kind of, we were riffing, like we have a. We were riffing. We were just fucking around the whole time. We were trolls early on. Before it became like real life troll.

We were IRL trolls. One of our friends had his brother was dumb as shit and we would just troll him constantly. It was just like, we were always trying to do a bit and I loved comedy, all that stuff. It's interesting because with people, I mean, at least with Indie, I would say specifically to my experience, I don't know what it is for a lot of people, but that notion of entertainment being something

that you could do was never relayed to us. Now, I liked entertainment. I was like, oh, this is funny. You were like, Cosby Schoes hilarious, sorry. But like, Michael Jackson was our guy. Like, that was the first. But it never struck us at any point as something that could be a job or something

that you could sue. And maybe it was my lack of curiosity combined with the fact that it was never really cultivated. But it was never like, oh, I could pursue this and that I never even thought, how did someone get on television? Yeah, someone just did television. Sure, sure, sure.

I guess because we were like, my mom was a very, like she was a really talented like visual art, like she was a great drawer. She went to like interior design school, trying to get something creative. And she never, this is the thing you feel bad for your parents because they just had to survive. She didn't get to be an artist.

She worked for years for Parent Oriental Ruggs. So it is kind of an artistic thing. Well, we say East Asian. East Asian. I think with Rugg, you're good. I think rug is the one thing you can still call oriental. Everything, rug's a certain flavor of ramen. Everything else is like, you know.

But she literally was like, so for years she would do that and she was a wait to the Greek restaurant. And, but she never really got to do that. And my dad was like, like my dad is funny. I mean, he's like, me might that don't get along, but I see so much of what I got from him. He's a, he breaks balls. He, you know, he's a troll. He, he, what, like I said, they were in this like Greek language theater company. And, um, my dad acted in it. And he,

like, you know, and my, his side of the family, my cousin, he literally is a fucking, like comedy in Greece is behind by like 80 years. Like they're in like his side of the family, my cousin, he literally is a fucking comedy in Greece is behind by 80 years. They're in like a vaudeville right now. But my cousin works for truly the most successful Greek comedian in the entire country. He puts on the way it works there. He literally puts on a sketch show.

The guy comes out, he does essentially stand up for 20 minutes, warms up the crowd, fucks with people. There cousin? No, no, his boss, right? Okay. And but then he writes a bunch of sketches and he has like, you know, like it's almost like SNL where there's like eight people in the cast. And this guy makes movies, like he really is like my cousin's boss is like this,

like his name's Marko Saffedelis, he's like he really is, like my cousin's boss is like this, like his name's Marcos de Fetilece. He's like, he really is like an institution in Greece where he has like, he hosts, he's Greek Steve Harvey. He hosts family few. Really? Yeah, and so thick. And so my cousin just like, he was a chef and he went, he hated it.

He went to acting school at 30. And then went to just an open audition for this. There's literally eight roles in Greece where you can be a working actor, this working comedic actor. He just gets one of them from an open audition and now he's, that's his career, which is what I'm so happy for him,

but it's like that's my, you know, he's my aunt is my dad's sister, so that's his nephew,'s like, his blood nephew. Like it runs in the family. Like we have that kind of shit. So, and they always put me in, so they always supported art and they always supported acting. Like I went to like a, you know,

we always did school plays. I was always kind of a fucking ham as a little kid. They just knew. So there was this thing where it's like, oh isn't it cute that Stav like good at acting and he's funny but The so they they fucked up telling me it was a possibility But it was like the kind of thing where but you got to be a fucking lawyer because we moved to America

And we have a lot of debt and we need you to make money and erase it. So it was that kind of thing So it was always kind of there. It's cool like it never was that was never the case So you never did any any kind of there. That's cool. It never was. That was never the case. So you never did any kind of like school play and thing like that? I once thought I was going to dance in a sixth or seventh grade talent show. Yeah, dance. Yeah, dance is seen, but that chickened out. It was like right when Usher was like first coming out my way. I was like, oh, when Usher was like, first coming out of my way,

I was like, oh, I'ma fuck it, sing this shit. Yeah. I'ma fuck it, yeah. I'ma fuck it, yeah. And then I was like, the dance is us. I'm not doing it. I was in a, I did a back shoot, me and, me two of my friends and one of my enemies

did a back shoot boys like thing. By the time we, like, you know, we're like in elementary school, it's like, oh, we want to do back shoot boys and then the fucking loser in the class goes, I want to do back shoot boys and we're like in elementary school, it's like, oh, we want to do Backshort Boys and then the fucking loser in the class goes, I want to do Backshort Boys and we're like, fuck you pussy, you're not doing it. And then the teacher's like, no, he's got to do it. And we're like, what?

We hate him. And so we did like a, there was layer like a behind this, making the band like beef in my third grade, Backshort Boys, I believe I sung Nick's part from Backshort Boys. He was a cute one. Yes Kevin yeah Go team third grade. Oh, I guess there was me you I guess there was in there too wasn't he? I had to be five you all me you yeah and

I think it was dude. I don't think it was a maybe or something no I think it was what we'll have to go back to the doc so it was the guy who we fuck control we'll call him the talk yeah bleep out his name and we're only it was the talk we were using code names for our childhood friends that come up. I had no idea that I wanted to do anything artistic until graduated college. Wow. And it wasn't even like I'm being artist. So what was your first job? So you drop out of the med program and you finish with what? I was a finance major. Oh, well, you, but I was a poor student in finance relative to my peers because it was just something to do.

Right, right. I'm at NYU, one of the best premier undergrad finance programs in the country. Why not also be a finance major? Because I went in at NYU in their College of Arts and Sciences, like their general program. And I was like, I'm gonna be a chem major and I'm gonna become a doctor. Freemade, yeah. Sophomore year, my freshman year I fucking crushed it. And like you.

And so I was like, let me transfer to their business school. Now are we getting any head at this point? How's it going? Oh, no, I mean, I had a girlfriend, but I was still like infatuated slash in love with my high school girlfriend. Oh, wow. And but we had broken up and so I was like, oh, I love with my high school girlfriend. Oh wow.

But we get broken up and so I was like, oh, I got some nude trim to head. And my second or third month at NYU, I was like, I really thought I was hot shit. And I was like smart. And I was like, oh, this is the tallest one of your cousins. Yes. Cool. I was flying the in-girl in my grade, in my infestation class. And I still remember the move I pulled on her.

I was just like, it was raining, and we were walking to like the dorms, and she was like, in my class. And I just said, you look like you'd use an umbrella. And I just like, we just hit it off and we went to lunch and all that kind of shit. But like the pussy was like a back burner to get in good grades.

Yeah. Yeah. Damn. They really, you're apparently gonna get a number on you. Yeah. Oh man. So many pussy regrets. The two great Indian battles getting pussy, being horny and studying.

Which way Indian man? My Spud, junior year, it was pussy pussy pussy pussy. But like one, and I was too hung up on it and all that. But I love the, like it's like, study or start Romeo dialing. That's my favorite shit in the world. It's Romeo down. It's when just Indian got, in India, we'll just pick up the phone, call any number, and if it's a girl try and fuck them.

Like, it's, that's how not warning they are on the subcontinent Someone sent me a video of that happening like I'm what's that? I'll go let's have chat roulette website Omega whatever the fuck it is. And like a guy just make, I like your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awesome. But so you had, yeah, freshman year you had studying was still winning.

Right, right. And so I went to get a finance degree junior year, got a C plus and an org go, dropped organic chemistry, dropped pre-med entirely. Yeah. And I was like really confused with what I was gonna do with my life. And then it was like a little too late to commit to like being a full on finance nerd.

And I didn't even really know what that meant. And I wasn't, again, my biggest character for all of myself. I think about it is like my lack of curiosity about certain things. Like I'll just go adu-shit. Like without like, oh, what is this about? I'm thinking deeply. You'll do it, but you won't really give a fuck. Yeah, and so finance was one gonna do shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like without like, oh, what is this about? I'm thinking deeply. Exactly.

You'll do it, but you won't really give a fuck. Yeah, and so, finance was one of those things. So when I graduated in an O.A., I had recruited to two investment banks, and went through the super day process, which means you're almost gonna get the job, but you got to meet with like five people, and I went to two of those, and I didn't pass those rounds. So when I graduated, O.A, I did not have a banking job.

Me and my all my friends were gonna go off like six figure jobs. Meanwhile, I'm like, the fuck? Hopping the collapse of the economy. Yeah, they're figuring out something. Some of them lost, like one of them, I think one of my friends was had a job at Bayer Sterns and like lost it and I remember,

just remember him crying like, it was a day for a lot of people like the careers ahead of them you know of course finance guys think like this doesn't happen to us yes we ruin other people's financial lives to get rich yes we're the ones who take advantage of them fuck I'm gonna go work for American government more yeah they don't have what it takes. They don't have what it takes to work across from a Wendy's. And get fat as shit because you have a baconator every day after school and before you're shifted American government mortgage. I got so fat working there that when

I came back from your rate. My football coach was like, you've got too fat. I was on the line. Like imagine getting too fat to play defensive line in high school. Like I really fucking shoved up. That's fucking hilarious. But yeah, so I graduated, no job. 2009, I'm like under employed,

waking 20 bucks an hour, which I call under employed because all my friends are making six figures and I was like what the fuck am I gonna do? Took some goofy writing class at NYU and it was Like I want this is fucking I'm being sappy around strangers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They can't tell my emotions Yeah, yeah, and so drop that and Was like okay, you show emotion of your dad's liquor store. You're getting my emotions. Yeah. And so, dropped that and was like, okay.

You show emotion to your dad's liquor store, you're getting robbed. Yeah. You have to be ashamed. What's up, boss? This gun, yeah, that was, it was like, and I was in, I think, summer of 2009, I was like, in a funk, I was like,

a life is shitty, I'm living out home, my friends are out party and like, I can't do anything. No cocaine, nothing. No cocaine with the wolves of Wall Street. Yeah, I out party and like I can't do anything. No cocaine nothing no cocaine with The wolves of Wall Street. Yeah, I mean Indian wolves more just like they're like out doing hook on like Fuck live with my parents and and I was like what do I like to do and what am I good at? And I never had any fear of public speaking.

Yeah. So let me just get on stage and see. And I wrote like five minutes about Hillary Clinton with one. She just sucked a dick. Yeah, classic. Classic. 22 year old comedy.

Yeah. And it didn't go poorly. It was that stress factor in New Brunswick, shadow, many brands. Of course. And Amy. And. Loves to do a half hour before the headliner. He did 20 Show up and ruin the show

Him and rich boss both did time because there was like so many people there. Yeah, I brought 20 cousins Yeah, and it was whole air. Oh, so you bet it's a bringer. And they see a crowd and they're like, oh fuck these kids. And boss went up, destroyed. Yeah, Vinnie brand went up, destroyed and I go up and I'm like cleaning up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but it was still like fun. A rush. And there's always that when you first, you do that first bringer, everyone you know comes. They're all just, it's such a novelty to see you, so you usually do well, and then it's always that second or third over the night. He's my Friday 6 p.m. August 11th.

Yeah. Just bomb me. August 21st, sorry. Bombed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I was on my way to fucking Carson or whatever, I was on my way to Letterman, here I come. Baby, yeah, yeah. You like these jokes about the whatever. Yeah, I'm a letterman here. I come, baby.

Yeah, yeah. You like these jokes about the Jews? Yeah, they called me too. I did a... Eldest was there in my first open mic at a fish restaurant in College Park, Maryland. And I did pretty well, because it's all just a bunch of really... This is like a loathe-year open mic in the DC scene.

So it's like a bunch of like not funny open micers. And I was pretty, you know, I was solid. And I was literally like, oh yeah, I'm gonna be on SNL by next year. You know what I mean? Like that's what I think is happening. It's so fun. If you could tap into open micro delusion,

it's the cleanest, it's better than nuclear power. As a clean energy source. It's kept to me, it's kept me going to this day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The delusion never goes away. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because you're like, what if I'm wrong?

Because so, we meet so many people that are wrong. Yes. But believe maybe even stronger than us that they should have a comedy career because all they've done is bomb and they're still around 10 years later. It's beautiful. That's insane.

That, if you think about it. Autonomous, yes. Some people say insanity. I say, keep going, later. It's beautiful. That's insane. If you think about it. I'm talking about it. Yes, some people say insanity. I just say, keep going guys. That's beautiful. You got to keep these clubs open. Well, we should have, we should have answered some questions here.

We should solve some problems. Because we could, you know, it's great to hear your story. We, thank you for having me here. This is, of course, dude. And do some plugs here. We like to do them between the, so they're not buried at the end. If you want people to, what do at the end if you want people to,

what do you want people to check out? When is this coming out? We can, we have so many, we can figure it out, but let us know. If you needed to come out of this. April May-ish. April May-ish. Well, if it comes, well, I got a new special coming out.

Okay. I don't know what it's called yet. Okay. I got a work entitled. Love it. Working title is lucky lefty it might change okay Tell us tell us when it changes will like ADR your voice. Yes. Yes. Yes It's called

Elders will say it's called Please go watch it. Hell yeah, it's on YouTube. It's my favorite thing I've done. I've been working on it for a year and two weeks now. Hell yeah. And it's unlike anything I've done. Stand up wise. So I'm excited. But go check it out. Check out the comedy special. We're gonna forget. It's just gonna be weird. We never remember anything we say we're gonna do next. Go ahead, Eldo. I'll remember.

I'll text you, bud. Yeah, we'll figure out the schedule. We'll let you know. When do you know when it comes out? As of now, it's gonna be April 30th. Okay, so we'll try and time it so that it comes out. That'll be awesome weekend. Thank you.

For that week. All right, hit us with a fucking question here, LD. Hey, there. There you go. No. All right, hit us with a question here, LD. Hey there. There you go. No. Hey there, first time, long time. I guess, well, I've been talking to this girl now every day.

He has sort of stumbled into it weirdly, corresponding with her about, like, some short fiction and stuff. And I'm not actually data-tracked into her, but I think she's into me, but she's like offering me a variety of delicious homemade baked goods. And I guess basically the question is, how unethical is it for me to lead this woman on if it means that I'm getting delicious treats out of it like how far can i do it do i do i just constantly leader on and just keep going at it and keep being

like oh wow yeah so great and just eating her food uh... or do i eventually have to cut this off uh... that's it that that that that didn't Napoleon Dynamite get your phone out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you do not have a pussy getting voice. I thought homemade baked goods was going to be code for something. I think he's just talking about like,

I'm not honest, yes. So this is very interesting. So you've been corresponding. Here's what's going on here that this guy doesn't understand. You think you're not gonna end up fucking this woman? What do you have going on? You are being seduced by her, dude. You're like, I don't even really know how I got started

talking to her, but whatever, we correspond all the time. Now she's off from me, baked goods. Is it unnecessary? I think these muffins I wake up in her apartment. Yeah. I need a recollection of what's going on. And you know, I get really feel well rested and relieved.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My balls are empty, but I wake up. Not everything's the same. My hair's a mess, and my nuts are shriveled. They've been sucked dry. I'm not even fucking blueberry muffin crumbs all over my mouth. So here's what's going on.

It's not, it's not an ethical, but you are, this is the reverse of this happens all the time where it's like, you're being seduced here, you're being courted. This woman, you don't even wanna talk to her, but you keep talking to her, why is that? And now you're thinking like, is it unethical? You're gonna take the baked goods.

Okay, the baked goods are gonna be good. You're gonna be, you know, if she does, she's doing everything she can to try and suck your weird dick right now. It's what it feels like to me. This is what I would tell this person. Yeah. Just replace delicious homemade baked goods with actual sex, and this would not be a question you would be asking us.

You'd just like, yes, I'm gonna keep fucking this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Until she's realized that I want nothing to do with her. Yeah, yeah. That's right. That's very true. Let's do that, bro. No, no, the thing is, he's gonna end up like married to her.

Yeah. Because you don't have shit going on. And then, clearly, this guy doesn't fuck. He doesn't have a voice to fucks. He does sound like a Nicholas Cage character. He sounds like late period Nicholas Cage playing Napoleon dynamite. Oh, he's doing it.

He's doing it. He's doing it. So look, it's not an ethical, but just know with every bite of the cookie, you get closer to fucking this woman. That's what it is. Every, everything, every time you talk to her, every time that like, I have a friend who

has a rule, it's like the more time you spend talking to someone, the higher the probability you'll fuck them. Yes. That's just how it goes. There's a curve, you know, at some point that falls off like precipitously. But I think it falls off into no communication. If you keep talking. Let that friend zone curve.

Oh, I see, I see. You know, like, you're here. This is your peak fuck moment And then after this the all talking is pointless and you're you're I think that's fair You know, but I also think that's mostly the case in the opposite like it with a guy a Guy trying to pursue a woman. Yes with the guy that curve that can pop back Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, depending on where you catch him in his life And she is doing the thing of just being cool, being nice, laying in the cut,

waiting for you to get rejected by some woman at the rent fair I'm guessing. And you know, you're gonna come home all sad full of turkey leg. I suspect she's gonna find, she's gonna suck that dick when you're at your most vulnerable. This guy is at this, in reality,

this is just some guy going to Starbucks. Yeah. No, that voice is, some fucked up. He's got a weird hobby I guarantee you. He's into like Warhammer, he's into Renfair, he's into something that's not so weird, but like just a little off of the beaten path. Or like, you know, he's really, he like goes and watches like Kevin Smith movies live with Kevin Smith there, you know what I mean? Like that guy, some, he's into some kind of like subculture that's just off the main

show. Just the classic reference. Yeah, it's Kevin Smith will tour those fuckers. I'm a fan. No shots at Kevin Smith. No. We'd love to have him on the pod. But yeah, that's, it's not a matter of ethics here, buddy, because you're not really in control

of the situation. You are allowing yourself, you're getting closer and closer to being seduced by this woman. Submit, man. Because already he said, I don't know how I talked to her, and he said, I'm not actually that attracted to her.

That, that is gonna grow with every fucking dessert you eat to the point where you're just like, I'm, I'm attracted to her enough. And she's gonna just, she's gonna find you in the, in the right position. So it's your decision. Do you want to, do you want, what do you want this to be?

And the fact that you haven't made it clear yet, you can, if you're really worried about the ethics, you could be like, hey, just so you know, I'm really not, I wouldn't prefer this to be a friendship. I'm here for the donuts, bitch. Yeah. And if she gets that cool and if not, whatever. But the fact that you haven't said that, yeah, every donut gets you closer to

fucking her. But you know, I think we saw that guys., I have a significant under. About two months ago, I met this girl and I think she was going really, really well. I thought she was the first girl I've ever really emotionally connected with. And about a month and a half in and she just up and blocked me on everything. No words, no nothing. And instead of a month's consent, I still just can't get over it. I've been with other girls since, but nothing's quite the same. I don't know, man, it's just, how do I get over this? Because it's just, it's really bugging me out. I said the first girl

I've ever really liked. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her but... Jesus Christ. Yeah, I kind of was. I was kind of... I felt like I got screwed over a little bit. I did a little investigating after, you know, checking her out and it seems like I was a rebound without her telling me that I was a rebound.

So, just kind of sucks. I can hear any rattling of my car. Um, what? Yeah. Thanks, Ben. It's just a little prank. He's a pro. He's a pro. He's a pro.

That's my dog. That's my dog. It's my car. And my dog. Don't worry about it. Yeah, me. Shut your mouth, dog. Don't worry about it. Yeah, I mean... Shut your mouth!

You know what it does when you block a person? You know what you do to a man when you block him on everything? Bring him in! Oh fuck dude. Yeah, this man... This guy's fucked, dude. Oh fuck dude. Yeah, this man, this guy's fucked dude. We've all been there dude, the thing is she, this is funny because we've had two guys back to back where we've kind of have like the genders or swapped here.

We have one guy being seduced slowly over time by a nice girl who isn't, he's not that attractive to do. And here we have someone who, like this is kind of, like this is the traditional, like girls are like, I'm worried he's just using me for sex. And that's what she did. She used that little boy pussy up, dude. She got her fill, she got her fill,

and she fucking threw you in the trash, brother. It was, you know what's interesting to me is that the timeframe of this guy, it's like you started talking to her two months, and a month and a half in it's done. That's only you know Yeah, a couple weeks. You're so right. It's like all right It's about a month and a half in and she just up and blocked me on everything So this is so he's oh so basically so about two months ago I met this girl and things are going really well. I thought she was like the first goal. So okay

Okay, so look man. I don't know what to tell you here. This fucking happens. You got the thing you have to remember, this is my mantra. Don't think about getting sad. Think about getting sucked off like 10 times. That's a great mantra. You know, that's the good part.

I still think about that. There's girls, I still, I've famous, there's a girl I dated earlier this year that I, or at this point, last year, it's been like over a year. And like I have been, I guess the day. And I, yeah, it really does.

And I haven't, I haven't been able, like the emotional part of it, like he's still fucking me up. I haven't been able to connect to anyone. Now part of it is like I'm busy, so it's like this weird thing where. Busy getting your dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're kind of like stuck in ice where you were in that relationship when you work, because I've been traveling so much and it's not like I can really relate to anyone anyway. But I know what it's like to just have some, but you can't get over. But think about the time you got, think about the best head you got from her.

You wouldn't have that right now. You wouldn't have that memory if you didn't feel this pain also. It's better to have gotten ahead involved. Yeah, absolutely. Never got ahead. Never got ahead at all. And it does, look, there's nothing here, bro. Any further investigating is going to make you feel feel worse right? You don't want this

in common. Yeah, like I saw like I do, I did a little investigating you're like what is the fucking other guy look like? Yeah, what is the next I look like? And you're fucked either way. If he's hot, you're like damn that guy's so much hotter than me. If he's ugly, you're like wait what the fuck this bitch left me for an ugly guy? Like there's, you're never gonna feel good. At least she thought well enough of you to disconnect from you because she didn't wanna need more thing, anything else to do with you because she also felt like, oh, maybe I have this connection,

but I gotta go back to my old guy. Yes. You were too good for me. I gotta quit you cold turkey. That's a positive spin on it or your dick was trash. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Either way, Let her go. Yeah.

He man, it's not worth it. But it is true, like the people that I've had to like block are girls that I'm like, I can't. If she's in my life, I'm gonna try and fuck her. You know what I mean? Like it's only gonna complicate things. So yeah, that is, that is, that I would see that as a positive. And from your perspective though, chalk this up, keep moving forward, don't torture yourself.

You caught her in a rebound, that kind of sucks because you wanted something more, but we don't get what we want, brother. And she wasn't there with you. So whatever you were feeling, if it's one sided, you don't fucking want that. You don't want, you, what you date, and this just happens later on. In certain ways, it's a blessing that this happened two months in or a month and a half in because if you date for a year

and your feelings only get deeper and deeper and she realizes she wants nothing to do with you, that's an even fucking harder pill of swallow. That's an even deeper cut. So then you're doing 25 of the life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And look, no more researching, okay? No, you're done, you're done.

Do not research, do not. Whatever you fucking do, that's only gonna fucking hurt more. So move on with your life, go get some other pussy. And here's the other thing, you said this is the first person you deeply emotionally connected to. You couldn't even say that you love her, but you're on the path to feeling those kinds of feelings.

So there's also a silver lining here where it's like, this is a good feeling. You want to feel this again. You're chasing it the wrong way. It's not in this woman. Like you got to find it in it somebody else. Somebody who, somebody who returns those feelings, It's not in this woman, like you gotta find it in it's somebody else. Somebody who, somebody who like returns those feelings,

that's gonna feel 10 times better than what you're feeling now. Give it a month or two. Give it some time, don't beat yourself up, don't reach, don't researcher, and you know, and here's the thing, you're like, I've been with girls since then, but nothing really, nothing. You, you, you literally, what if one of those girls loves you? You fucking asshole. You're doing to them.

You're doing to them when she did to you. They're a rebound for you, motherfucker. So think of it that way. So you can almost empathize with her because those girls, you don't want anything to do with. What if there was some guy, it's all a cycle where everyone's chasing something else. And you, there's other people getting hurt in the meantime. So don't, you know, just fucking go about your life, look for something else, look for something serious, look for those return feelings, but you just got to chalk it up to take in the L.

Yeah, take the L, man. Take the L. The path to a W is littered with L. That's another motto of this show. The more losses you take, the closer you are to win. I like the other one better. Yeah. They're both, they both. Yeah, they're both pretty good. Hit us with another one, Big LD.

Yeah. Well, that's style I got to cut out in like five minutes. We do one more? Yeah, let's do one more. I got a call about Gerba. I'm not lying. That's awesome. That's obvious.

Great podcast, dear. I love the show. Anyways, question here. I still have a folder of nude that girls from my past. Oh, come on, man. And I cannot, dude, I I cannot I cannot believe it yes Yeah, I should be right now

You have a new girlfriend in love with her gone on like some college Now and I do that cannot Don't call me with you like this man Don't call me with she like this man. It's like my actual call. Oh, it's a positive reseg. Do you hear his voice? I cannot. You know what you're doing is fucked up.

The sad thing is this is, I feel like he has a physical folder of all of you. I can't do it. He has pictures he took through their window with a long lens, with a fucking paparazzi lens. Play the rest of it all this Had flings with sense and I Like every time I open this and if I ever bust to it, dude, I feel like this obvious like

guilt and Count just shame about it, but I guess Bring myself to the list correct about feelings I'm just shame about it, but I guess I'm pretty myself. Oh, he's correct about feeling those things. You know, easy to answer simple deleted. Yes, but dude, I can't. I can't. Yes, you can.

So I need advice like, okay, delete it. I'm going to return to this or I'm going to regret it or about this. Give it a thought. it or How about this fucking crazy? Give us a thought, we're done with this fucking guy. His voice is just like this is he's not a pedophile, but this is how a pedophile would sound. Yeah. Talking about child pornography.

You sound like a pedophile talking about the leading child pornography, dude. Give us your girlfriend's phone number and we'll tell her that it's on your phone. Yeah, okay. Truly, you can't do this kind of shit, man. This is fucked up. Truly, maybe you need to hear it from a fucking other person. This is fucked up.

Now, I don't know these girls, we don't know them, but like, do you think they're okay with this, bro? Like, no, the answer's no. You break up, you don't get to fuck them still. Now, look, whatever's in your heads in your head They can't take that from you spend right putting it all in the spank bank for real and then fucking burn it It's gotta go brother. It's gotta fucking go Especially if these people don't like it's just like a weird

Invasion of somebody's privacy if they don't want if they're not fucking with you now look if some of these girls Don't get some of them might not give fuck. I don't know, if they're not fucking with you. Now look, if some of these girls don't get, some of them might not give a fuck, I don't know, but you're so much better safe. Yeah, you're so much better safe than sorry on this. And it's just like, you know it. You hear how disgusting your voice is when you say, I cannot do it.

You can't do it. Whenever's in your head, in your head, that's fair. And look, there's nothing wrong with a little memory, memory beat. If you don't delete the photos, you're gonna lose the real life version of nudity that you have right now. Like, your girlfriend will find them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just another time. It's just another time. And it'll be like, why are there all these different girls? Like, what is this? And the other thing is, as a fucking human being, you're kind of getting off on the weird shame and how you know it's wrong, how it's like, this is low level like sexual

assault, what you're doing. And the fact that you don't want to start going down that path, bro, like you're beating off the shit that someone has no, didn't really consent to you or consented in the past. Like you're kind of, you're dipping your toes in some fucked up waters. That's a no dull test response. That if you fucking, if you fucking cannonball into those someday, you might, you kinda, you're dipping your toes in some fucked up waters. That's a no-dial test response, man. If you fucking can and ball into those someday, you might, you know, you sound like a pedophile now. You might be a pedophile later.

Or maybe not a pedophile, but just some fucked up. What's in your voice? Play, you know what? Just listen to this voice mill again that you left us and try to not be disgusted. Yes. It's fucked up. It's left at and try to not be disgusted. Yes. It's fun. This is a fucked up thing. It's left a poor taste in all of our mouths.

This is such a bad way to end this episode. He might have to do it. I'll question after Namesh Lee. Well this guy can't be the last guy. Let's do a quick power cleanse. Yeah, quick power cleanse, Ellis. Here we go. The elder special.

We always like to put eldest on the spot, see if he does a good last one or not. I'll get us with a simple yes or no. Okay that's perfect for this. Little long for yes or no. Aesthove it's Dmitry my I personally see you as kind of my spirit animal because I'm also a chubby Greek kid at my heart and the thing is I've been kind of on the bigger side for. I'm also a chubby Greek kid at my heart. And the thing is, I've been kind of on the bigger side for... I'm sorry, that was the wrong one. Fucking dumb ass. Sorry.

Fuck, fuck Dimitri, I guess. All right, we'll do the quick yes or no. The message leave, me and you will finish Dimitri's question, Elders. We can't leave our fat little Greek boy hanging like that. Sorry, fat Greek man. God damn, Elders, the fucking super producer. can't leave our fat little greek boy hanging like that sorry for that greek man god damn your elders the fucking super producer uh... what do you fucking how you can find the most okay

this is the one alright alright and it's thirty seconds perfect okay hey stopby baby. This is Jeff from New York. I'm hoping you can clear something up for me on the Greek end of things. Growing up out here on Long Island, there's a lot of Greek fishermen around.

We have a little stereotype, I might call it a stereotype right here, that Greek people like to poop on the beach. Are we just super racist for this trip? I'm hoping you can clear up this. What the fuck? I'll let you answer this, I just don't know, but I'm taking this with me. I mean, you know, Greek people shit on the beach.

I don't, I don't fuck to this start. What the fuck is this? Right here baby. Yeah. Not only, okay, no. I'm wondering. But, I mean, like, I do remember being on a, I remember, in fact, a kid shitting, I was in Greece and a child, like, let a log go in the fucking ocean and they cleared out

the beach. So not only do we not shit, but we are just as terrified of ocean shit as everyone else. It was fucking disgusting. How did it poop on the beach? Should the fuck now look? Can I be honest with you? Guys, it's my people. It's just what we do.

No. Honestly, digging a hole and shitting in the beach if you have to shit doesn't sound so bad if you're in a secluded area, but then you still got a secluded area but then you still got a fucking shitty asshole it seems like too much I'm gonna just say no Jeff I don't know where you heard this I mean Long Island is the most Republican part of the greater New York area he isn't Greek no no he heard this

about Greek fishermen now I don't know what kind of fucking mom girl Greeks went move to Long Island so maybe there are, maybe there's an offshoot that's out there shitting on the beach disrespecting, you know, Long Island. But, uh... Well maybe that's just something they told you to keep your disgusting ass away from the beach. And that's an all-agreement. Oh, that's true. That's a great idea. You don't want to go there.

We're shitting the beach. Yeah, we're shitting everywhere. We're fucking sucking each other. There's a bunch of gay shit happening. Yeah, don't go, man. You want nothing. You want nothing to do about a Long Island. We're disrespecting the police, having gay sex.

You know, shit the Long Island people hate, saying Trump's bad, all that kind of stuff. Stay away, we're shitting in there. Yeah. Yeah, but that's's your answer Jeff and The mesh thank you my friend. Thanks for coming Thank you brother. Appreciate you great episode me. Thank you We will we'll we'll we'll send the mesh on his way and then we'll come back and answer the meet your question

But go watch the special lucky left here whatever the fuck it's called. It's probably out this week We're gonna we're gonna try and time it so that it comes out this week. Please man And yeah, thank you brother. Thank you man. Appreciate you next time. I got this pitch Oh, girl was a great idea Okay, we're back in the mess. I had to go. He's got a fucking up. It's already done. Yeah, dude. Okay, we're back. Namesh had to go. He's got a fucking call. He's making, uh, he's, he's, he's, he's gonna start a new Gerba. He's gonna, he's gonna start his own Indian underage club, uh, in, in Patterson, New Jersey.

Uh, but we're back folks. Me and Nell just gonna thug it out. We're gonna, we're gonna talk to a boy, the Mietri. And we might take another one. Just fucking let our nuts hang. We want to get, we want to provide the entertainment for our beautiful people. So let's, we don't want to leave Demetri hanging,

we don't want to leave you guys hanging. So hit us with Demetri's question, now let's hear it from the top. A-stov, it's Demetri. My, I personally see you as kind of my spirit animal because I'm also a child-a-green kid. Love it. At my heart, and the thing is,

I've been kind of on the bigger side for a while now. I've been up to like 300, but I'm down to like 285 right now. Nice. And my issue is I'm trying really, I'm really putting a lot of thought into giving more of a shit about my health and eating better and working out more and whatnot. But whenever I actually get hungry, all I ever want to eat is baconators and canes and

fried chicken and other garbage. And you've been on this weight loss journey. I know at your core you're a fat boy so you understand me. Is there anything any sort of advice you'd give me to prevent me from consistently like making a smart choice and eating a salad and then getting to hungry and getting five guys done doing a proper. Thanks, guys. Appreciate you. Whenever you're coming out to Denver, I'll see you.

Peace. My man, little Demetri, dude, I get it. I get this is tough. But you sound like you're pretty young. I think it's smart to do it. I think it's smart to do it now. One regret I have is that I, in my life, I have taken fitness really seriously at points, I've lost weight,

I yo-yoed my whole life. So there was a point in college where I lost a ton of weight. I was like, you know, like 220, which I was like 300 and I dropped like 80 pounds. I was feeling awesome. I was working out all the time. That was actually the, me and my brother worked out for the first time. He helped me when he was still in college, getting his degree, he was just a little meathead,

but he would help me work. We would go to play in fitness. We spent a summer from college, like, really working out, and then I just got a girlfriend, and I immediately got fat again. It was like, well, this is the reason I didn't want to get fat, it was to get pussy. And then again, I've done it multiple times in my life.

I was losing some weight, and then I fucked my foot up, gained weight, started, you know, wasn't as active, went on the road immediately. The road is fucked up for me. I was, you know, that's been my downfall many times. Same thing happened during the pandemic. I lost 60 pounds during the pandemic. I gained it all back on the road and then some.

And so, but I will say that I feel the best, the best, the most happy I've ever been in my life are the moments where I have given myself time to work out, to focus on myself, to prioritize my sleep, to prioritize my sleep, to prioritize my eating. And, you know, I'm a little creative, I work kind of hard, but I don't work, you know,

it's not the level of like insane, you know, the insane, like, effort that I put into work. I put that all into my, I've put that on to my way lost and I've been really happy. I've said like my favorite, if I could do anything right now, what I would do is fucking workout, cook my meals, watch movies, get high, write for like an hour or two, or maybe like on days we have to podcast, podcast. And then just chill out, see my friends, not do stand up. So what I would say to you, first and foremost, is you're young, you have the time now,

take advantage of that. Take advantage of really, it's good, because you have a life long, you have lifelong habits of being fat as shit. In your heart, you know, for a variety of reasons, you get comforted by canes or baconators or whatever the fuck you're talking about, five guys. So it's not gonna be easy to break that habit.

And what I would tell you is, since you're a young guy, since you probably don't have that many responsibilities, it's like really, really focus, give yourself the time. And if you do have responsibilities, like it might even be worth taking a vacation to spend two weeks only focused on your eating. Only like you could do whatever the fuck else you want,

but a day is, look at it as your day is a success if you stay underneath, you know, these calories or whatever. I think counting calories is actually pretty good when you are starting here because you can kind of make versions of the meal that you like. Like, if you like cheeseburgers and shit, you can make a nice turkey burger, you can make a fuck, you can use lean beef, and as long as you measure it out and you stay under

your calories, you can do a version of the meals you like, and it's not that hard, it's just time consuming, right? And since you're a young guy, I would say figure that out, find the stuff that you like and it's not that hard, it's just time consuming, right? And since you're a young guy, I would say figure that out. Find the stuff that you like. Lean beef and potatoes and a fucking two slices of bread and like fat free cheese, that's not that much, that is not that many calories, that's not that unhealthy for you.

And being a big fat piece of shit like you and me, we have pretty high calories and we can lose weight. Like you could be, you could probably, like, 2,500, almost 3,000 calories a day, and you get started, and you get used to it, and you find the meals that work for you, and then you just kind of slowly, you get more comfortable with it.

The reality here is, though, but it's gonna be hard work, right? There's no cutting corners here, and that's the most frustrating part about losing weight is you know what it is. You know what you gotta do, you gotta eat less and you gotta fuckin' move around a little bit more. And, but it takes, it does take some mental effort

to eat less. So I would say really focus on it, try and establish that habit for like a month if possible, and then slowly fold in other parts of your life. One of my biggest regrets is that I mean, it's not a big regret because I went back on the road on the pandemic hard and it's helped my career a lot

and I think in the future it will set me up for success but there was a point after the pandemic where I, you know, I was 60 pounds lighter and I was really almost felt like I had burned in those habits for life. And I just didn't do that. I got to a complacent and I liked getting fucked up too much and I liked eating like shit on the road. And so that's all I would tell you is now that you're young, really focused on it.

You probably have a shitty job or maybe you don't have a job at all. If you don't have a job, it's even better. Honestly, take a lighter course load if you're in college and focus on losing weight, focus on that stuff, but just work at it, brother. I think finding making versions of the meals you like really helped me when I did lose a lot of weight. I was grilling every fucking day, and my meals were pretty fucking delicious too. It sounds like he's getting fast food a lot. I mean, a huge part of losing weight is just being comfortable cooking your own shit,

getting in the kitchen, and there's like, he mentions salads. I feel like there's this huge like a misconception. A salad should be fucking huge, especially if you're 300 pounds. You need to be realistic about like what you're putting in it that actually keep you full. And it's like there's so much shit you can put in a salad.

Doesn't need to be like lettuce and some shitty like dressing you get at the market. Like you can put like walnuts in there. Some cheese, some avocado, some cheese. Yeah, some sausage. Like yeah, there's ways to go about it. And cheese and avocado, some cheese. Yeah, some sausage. Like, yeah, there's ways to go about it. And that is a good point. Cooking for yourself is such a fucking little win,

because like even healthier restaurant, like when we go out on the road and we have breakfast, it's not unhealthy, but it's like this breakfast, you know, this diner is still putting more butter in it than we would put in anything. And like, you can make a really satisfying breakfast at home that's sausage, potatoes, eggs, bread. And it's like a 500 calorie thing where if you got the same thing in a diner,

even eating healthy, it's probably like twice the calories. So you just got to figure out cooking for yourself is the first step. And since you're a young guy, I think that is going to be a big step. So take a little time, learn to cook your own stuff, get, build a habit of the diet, because the diet is what does it all. And believe me, I know it's hard. I'm struggling with it myself.

I have a really hard time when I'm super busy keeping up with it. And I really do have to personally have to dedicate a lot of time to it. So we're rooting for you little guy. Let us know how it goes, feel free to call in. I just want to say too, like there's also like, he does sound like he's getting fast food a lot.

Like, like force yourself to think about what you're ordering out of fast food place. Like if you get a baconator, like throw one of the buns away, do you really need it? Is that what's good for it? Go to Chick-fil-A and get the grilled chicken sandwich. You get two fucking patties of grilled meat. Yeah, and don't do a mayonnaise-based sauce. Yeah, if you're going to canes get like three piece chicken tenders Like you don't need the fries and the five piece and a soda and shit and you know once you start like thinking like that

It's like wow That's like a lot of work and it's like well, do I even need chicken tenders? Maybe I should just eat something else to like hold course over until like it's dinner time or something But that in my experience it helps to have something strict at first for sure chicken tenders, maybe I should just need something else to like hold course until like it's dinner time or something. But that in my experience, it helps to have something strict at first. For sure. That is hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is hard to stick to and that you just have to make your whole goal in your life to stick to that. Totally. And that that helps your habits and that helps that that informs the way you think of stuff. Yeah. But the good news is the the younger you do it, the better off you are. So we're rooting for you a little guy Let's do one more here. I'll just

Fucking idiot. Oh, thank I need to make a smoothie after this folks Little fucking spinach smoothie drink my veggies Hey, sorry beautiful Greek bitch. Hey to your guest. We are your arm sure you're all the beautiful bitch Probably not great for the beautiful. I'm sure you're right Indian elder learn how to play the first call correctly You're fucking Albania. This guy's coming in hot. Thank you. Well, you guys. I'll make it quick I used to do comedy 10 plus years ago. Oh, there it is. That's the energy I'll make it quick. I used to do comedy 10 plus years ago. Oh, there it is. That's the energy. Oh Failed up in Micah, huh? You don't say coming at us that fucking hot

All right, go ahead. You made a mistake because inherently I don't respect you now Play the first call correctly. You're fucking Albany and idiot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Love you guys. I'll make it quick. I used to do comedy 10 plus years ago. Went to a divorce, sucked in. And then I stopped doing comedy. I was a little bit scared. Or maybe not. I don't fucking know. Maybe I was here.

But I love doing it. I've given up any idea of doing it as a job. Yeah. You've talked a lot about how much it fucking sucks. I get that. Well, like, I feel like I want to do it again. Should I at least give it a try? Is it hobby or should I just forget it?

And if I do, how do I get that again? I don't know. Look forward to your advice. Thanks, Todd. Thanks, Elvis. And thanks to whoever's the guest who i don't know who it is but i'm sure you're very funny thanks a lot

okay here uh... yeah this makes so much i was doing comedy i got divorced and i stopped doing comedy i wonder why you got divorced sorry honey i forgot it was your father's retirement party. I was doing a show in front of four people and bombing. Okay, look, bud. Yes, comedy does suck. But most of life sucks too. Let's also be honest. Like it's hard to make it as a,

it's hard to make a living at this if you pour everything into it. But I always thought, like this is my plan when I moved to New York was give it a go for, you know, five years, whatever till I'm third. I moved most 26. I was like, if by 30 I don't have some traction,

I'll probably move back home or move, you know, I've probably bought more DC who knows, but I don't think I would ever stop doing comedy. Like, there is something that you just, I just do love, like, it has become my job so much that it's zapped a little bit of that out of it. I will admit that like, sometimes these shows, I take it for granted, these are awesome shows.

We're going to fucking theaters and shit. And it's taking a little bit of the pure just like enjoyment out of it when you just have to do it constantly, even when you don't want to. And that's there's been being a pro and when you make something your job and when it's just like your hobby

and something you like. But I guarantee, I was much happier as a person when I was just doing, I was going to open mics. I was, there was a great scene in DC. Shout out to the big hunt. It's now gone. I became a much better comic in that room. Another open mics in the DC area. Sean Joyce just opened up another club called a fuck what's it called? Hotbed in DC. Go check that shit out, but same guy who ran a lot of the shows

that I would go to every week and I would have my friends there. And the reality is, there is a way to do stand-up comedy. And I think a lot of people would be happier if they did do it kind of like a hobby or semi professionally, the kind of thing where you just want to get good enough to be an opener at the local good club and you want to maybe run your own show and like

your goals don't have to be touring stand-up comic, get on TV, get on specials. Your goals can be like, you know, working the clubs, that work in the club in my hometown, write good material, enjoy it for the art of it, enjoy it for, you know, and I'm hesitant to say use it as a social outlet, but as long as, because something that, like, fucking fucks everything up that kind of takes the beauty out of everything is competitiveness and is like wanting to succeed and, you you know make money and all this kind of shit Whereas like if you have a good job and you really love comedy and you know You thought you were pretty good at it. I don't listen. My guess is you

My guess is we look at some of those tapes. It didn't go as good as you thought it did in your head But hey, that's just a hunch. I don't know for sure Either way if you love it. Yeah, fuck it dude. Go do some open mics run your own show In fact running your own show is nice because you actually can add something to the community I remember being in Baltimore and every time somebody ran a good show that created stage time for people that helped other people become a better Comic and there is something to doing it making some friends getting better at it the way you would get the way you fucking play wreck basketball or the way you know people paint or something like that. I can tell you if I, if shit wasn't going good for me, that's what I would be doing. I would be in Baltimore, I would have a good monthly

or weekly show. I would be doing shows and I would be, you know, headlining small rooms and like opening for big acts. Like, I can tell you as a touring comedian now, if there's a good comic who just is solid but doesn't want to make this his career or her career and I can use them to open, that's kind of cool because like it's expensive to bring fucking openers out. And if you, you know, you have an opportunity to make, I made some of my best connections to people when I still lived in Baltimore.

And I probably would have kept those connections even if I didn't move to New York. So there's definitely a way to do it, but just be realistic about your goals. Don't be bitter about it. Don't be, don't be bitter about the people that did make it. You know what I mean? Like just understand that this is a different way to go about it. And I definitely would be doing that.

I would have a real job. And then I would also try and make like a couple grand, 15 grand a year, just this little extra income. Yeah. Your local ecosystem needs a good open mic. Absolutely. Start one. Don't try to big time open mic.

Don't big, big thing you want. Don't try to big time. Don't big dig you once. Don't try to fuck like 19-year-old girls. Don't try and fuck 19-year-old girls. Who love comedy just like you. They deserve to be able to just do comedy. But yeah, don't big dig people. You know, be a cool guy in your local. Don't, you know, don't because you, anyway, whatever.

But yeah, there's a way to do a pal and we're rooting for you. Just take it down and don't use the energy you use on this call. Okay, that's my advice. That's my most important advice to you. Don't come in so hot. You come in real hot, you, everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? And then you just become meek for the next five minutes.

I love that when you see someone like, what's up, you fucking idiots? Everyone's like, I'm so anyway, I'm my wife my wife fucked my brother and no one in my family speaks to me anymore Fucking but she's Chinese and he's a fucking beep All right, so that's a nice one to end on fucking thanks again to our friend Namesh Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Thank you guys for listening, subscribing to the Patreon, all that good stuff. Come see us on the road. The fat rascal tour part two has been announced by now. So hopefully it's already sold out. I don't fucking know.

We're recording this a little bit before it comes out. But we love you and we'll talk to you soon. Bye-bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house

with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family. Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.