Stavvy's World - Petey DeAbreu

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Comedian Petey DeAbreu joins the pod to talk about his former life as a white collar criminal, the newfound wisdom that comes with turning 40, and the baddest Disney princesses. Petey and Stav help callers including a shy Italian bouncer who needs pickup lines for women, and a married dad of three struggling with the stresses of family life.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and

Remember one of the most special times for my family whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb Welcome to Stavis world everybody. We are back another beautiful fucking episode. We got my boy PD the brau Did I get it right? God damn I feel like an asshole because people fuck my shit up and You're the only guy who I'm ever on the fence with and I'm glad I in my head. I got it right Yeah, so my boy PD is in the fucking studio. We are here.

We hope the audio isn't fucked up. If it is, it's L this is fucking fault. As usual, L this say hello to everybody. So the audio is completely fucked. If you're hearing two of us, you know the Albanian to blame folks. Now we're good, but I did forget my mic was off. We're good, we're good forget my mic was off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Why am I a little hard on packing this light right now? And so it's nice. We're fucking we're coming and and that begs the question

Which we talked about before but I would like the people something to open up to the floor is what cinematic universe is bigger for you Is it the net video girl cinematic universe or is it the Marvel universe? And I'm gonna go net video personally. I'll just how about you. I Don't know I don't know either of those wow. Oh wow, Mr. Fucking too good for Marvel too good to jack off to net video girls You've never seen a net video girls fucking porno. No, what is net video? Oh my god. Hey, this is Mike from Hollywood. Wow, dude. We're doing it today.

What kind of show are you jacking off to, Elders? I'm just up on next videos. Whatever comes through. Just doing that search, working that search bar. The search bar or the pick the catch of the day. I like the catch of the day. I find that algorithm is like too competitive on not not competitive repetitive I like videos so they always keep giving me the same shit

I'm like I saw this shit on Wednesday and it's something different for Friday here It's the weekend interesting interesting. Yes. I'm a I'm a fan. I'm a net video girl fan myself Speedy big girls. Mm-hmm. I'm a huge. I'm gonna say huge Sure, but I'm an only fans fans. Okay, that's good supporting local business During the pandemic there was I did go through a stretch Made where you kind of lost your mind where it was like if I just it wasn't even like people I followed on Twitter If just somebody popped up on Twitter and I was like I guess I would like to see what her pussy looks like.

And at the same time, let her get $12. You know? Bro, this shit is like, man, sex work, you gotta support the sex work. Yeah, absolutely. Shout out to the sex worker. Shout out to them, 100%. I was thinking about like, while I was watching this thing

and then I was thinking about like, I've been with sex workers. Like, but I never sex workers is such a positive fucking name to a term of course yeah rather hooker yeah yeah yeah yeah prostitute those are tough Escorts are nice I like Escort that's fun but has more of a high class con it's the same thing but just like you're wearing a nicer dress and the guy you suck off is in a suit probably yeah That's the difference Yeah, eat the mic

Let him hear it a hundred percent Absolutely Neville definitely they not they add your Marvel, but shut up to marvel so I It's close because Marvel you know Stan Lee he from the Bronx oh I didn't know that I did not know that Stan Lee's from the Bronx so you have some borough pride yeah and you know that's not his real last name leave him what is it? Leber? Leber! Wow! I'm like how he Asian but he looks like this like he's

Leber hiding a little judy is a little That's right Klein of course, but who Ralph Ruffer and let's get Ralph lip shits Yeah, not gonna sell as many fucking polos Ralph lip shits. Yeah, not gonna sell as many fucking polos Ralph lip shits can't ride a horse Ralph lip shits is on like a bike with with like pads also That's his form of transportation Yeah, interesting. I did not know that about Stanley would you look at the e-bur?

Shout out to Stan Lieber. He's he's still alive or did you die? Richie I ripped all right He RIP like I think a couple years ago. You might be able to big thing fucking spider-man was at the funeral all right The big thing fucking spider-man was at the funeral. Oh right Spider-man and spider-cuts Yeah, that's crazy because remember that did you ever see the miles of a rallies one? I did that shit rocked and it had like 20 spider-man. Yes spider cuss Should have been in there absolutely you're absolutely right. We had a lot We had an accade spider-man. We had porky pig spider-man. We're with spider cuss He better be in the second. They're making a the sequel. They got to

Especially cuz it's New York life course. Spider Cuzz is the first. Spider Cuzz has to be in the... Super hero. He's in a pop that will be in the streets. Yeah. You never see Peter Paul. No, absolutely not.

I wonder if Spider Cuzz, I think he had his run there for a second. I think it's over for Spider Cuzz. No, I never think it's over for Spider Cuzz. You can't even, you you've never been able to spider cussed as well. All right. As long as there's, as long as there's so I can people to interview.

Bro, as long as people in New York wear tins. You're right. Spider cuss guy. He's somewhere. He's somewhere around. He's got a career. Yeah. Cameo.

Walkthroughs. I bet it's like if I had a party, I would pay for walkthroughs. Like a spider cuss. You know what I'm saying the whole night? Walk through I'd be like if I had a party I would pay for walk Spider-guess as the fucking wave at your guess Wow, okay at your fucking at the baby shower when you get married spider cuss will be there any event any event I Don't know spider cuz I don't think he can He certainly is Bronx coded

He certainly feels like he's from the Bronx. He can only be from three one Maybe from statinile He could be from Queens Never would a thunk type like slieber aren't a lot of those guys are a lot because he's from he's one of the New York That tick that was your chick called the street shit called? The Street Talk, guys. Is anyone of those guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like a lot of those guys are weirdly

from Staten Island, but who's to say? It's like whoever chills and the, whoever chills and the do's. Yeah. But it's like a bunch of people from all over the city, though. Like, you know what I'm saying? But Staten Island definitely comes through, because they got a different edge.

Yeah. You gotta think about the average stat and now they got a chip on their shoulders. Like, you try and play me? Of course, because no one respects anyone from Staten Island. It's a stupid place to be for all of them. It's like, how are you from New York City? And it's like, where you from, it's like from Buffalo.

Yeah. Like, you gotta fight for the respect, like a different type of fight. It's easy, yeah, it's definitely easier to get to like parts of upstate New York that is the stat in Ireland. From saying it's fucking annoying. I'm like Hudson Valley. No problem. We can do Hudson Valley. I got across the seven seas. Yeah, fuck that dude. I was pissed at how far it was. I dropped a friend off there. She was like I was like, I'll just take you know, I'm figuring it's like going to Brooklyn. It was not like going to Brooklyn The verisana fucking sucked had had myself a slice though not too bad

But what's up with you though? P.D. I haven't seen a while my man, you know and by the way, sorry folks We got we had our fucking we had a rich vein of discussion. We had to open up with Net video girls versus Marvel. But I want to say, we will be getting to your fucking questions very soon. You know how the fucking show works by now. It's been, we don't know what order,

how many have come out yet. We're still figuring it out, but you mother fuckers know how it goes. We will get to your calls. Pity here has a wealth of knowledge. You'll find out all about, we'll talk about a little bit about Pity's backstory. Hilarious out all about, we'll talk about, a little bit about Pee's backstory, hilarious comedian obviously that goes without saying. But he's got a perspective that's gonna help you out.

Call 904-800-STAUV-ELDIS right now is flashing the number. That motherfucker is earning his pay with some graphics right now. That's the number. Call in, keep the calls coming. We will solve all your life's problems, but you know We got to chop it up a little bit. We got to catch up with my boy

We got fucking we got playing to discuss. Yeah, what do you been up to man? I feel like I haven't seen I mean Obviously, Pandemic happened we see each other old time out of shows and then the whole world fucking shifts What's up with you man? Yo, I've been chilling bro. Just getting older and shit, you know, yeah, I had a birthday big 40 the big 40 How you feeling? I feel wiser. Yeah Bro tell you like November 1st. I was dumb and shit dude November 2nd. I woke up. I was so kick then I was like I was like And now I'm just on the quest to learn Any big lessons. Anything you really hit you?

Damn, there's a lot of lessons, man. Sometimes you know when people be like, I ain't going live. Yeah. Sometimes it really be a lot. Yeah. Absolutely. That's a good one. Because you'd be like, oh, people be like, so you telling me

you've been lying to me this whole time? And you're like, well, yes. Of course I have one. Yeah, because we'd be like oh people be like so you tell them you've been lying to me this whole time Right of course I have been yeah And now to that out of 40 I'm learning about the truth, bro. Okay a lot of about a lot of the theme here is honesty Oh, it's that's you free. Yeah. Yeah. What was there a big truth you learned? I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep asking these Sounds with a shorty What was their big truth you learned? I mean they keep asking these Boy told a little a little fib now, but you know what they See that's why were you for you 40 you you put everything into perspective Yeah, you you lied by a mission right and I was like I didn't know what a mission was

But just my natural reflex was like to deny I was like, no you wilder, y'all you're playing Never Live by a mission submission and none of that and then I googled a mission and that was like, yo I'm posted just It's all my stuff with a fuck you me, you didn't catch my hand in the cookie jar and you want me to eat and die just a cookie and come back after I shit at the cookie car and you want me to eat and I just cookie and come back I should have the cookie out and be like you know, I know you didn't catch me at all course, but I did it I did do something bad lying by a mission Yes, that's that's just getting away with something

Bring it up Trials of tribulations Learning omission you all realize the most gangster shit you could do is tell the truth Bro Interesting, yeah Because you're like who the fuck am I hiding? Never respectfully who the fuck are you for me to be lying to you? Right, so what I got my digs sucked on the six

Hey, you're the same, brie! It was going express known was on the car It's the way I live my life Right, you got me busted, you know You know, it's better to let it out Because now when you hide it Hiding is the worst and you're worried about it How are you looking like to do with the trench coat and the glasses or the news paper?

Of course, yeah, if you lie, you think that makes you a second. Eventually you end up a sexual deviant. Yeah. You know, you know, it's crazy. This is very Catholic. Bro, in my mind, even I think this is like earlier today, I was just like, you know, like, I could have just fucking like told it truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is with, this is with women specifically, with one woman specifically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This with this with women specifically with one woman specifically. Yeah, yeah, yeah Is that and but yeah, but you're learning your Yeah, now I'm now it's a different me That's like what things what little mermaid said a whole new world a whole new world

I think so No, wait, that's Aladdin I was an Aladdin guy growing up. That was the first movie I saw, I believe, in theaters. They had the swashbubbles and the swashbubbles. Sure, the best. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. Jasmine is the hottest one, I think, of all the Disney. She looks a baddie. She looked like like, like, Pocahontas a little bit, but like, you know what I'm saying? Like, two shades. Pocahontas, all'm sorry as well, but I gotta go I gotta go Jasmine number one She from Greece. She's not from Greece. She's from some

Some some unnamed Middle Eastern Probably she's a little closer to any what sexually There is probably I don't in terms of who I'd like to fuck She's the closest to Greek I would say of all the Disney all right, all right There's no I'm oh you know there's a the Hercules of course Hercules is bitch Meg okay, but she wasn't really a princess She was more like she was a main piece. I'm there. Meg's number two for me. Yeah She was a main piece but I'm there Meg's number two for me. Yeah, okay Jasmine's a little thicker I would suppose and then I don't know I'm not really interested in any of the

I guess Snow White because I have been with a lot of like goth type bitches You know she has got of that kind of think the dark Yeah, she's been she could have had yeah, yeah, yeah, Snow White would be gothie now for sure, but I'm not interested in Sleeping beauty I could have had, yeah, yeah, yeah, snow way would be gothy now for sure. But I'm not interested in sleeping beauty. Just to... Sleeping. Yeah, that's true, that's the point. I don't wanna know how to knock a leptic. She was definitely a food knock leptic shorty out there, I'm not hating on you,

but you know, we want you to be awake. And then of course Cinderella, I've kind of gone away in my life from the traditional, the blonde. I like a fake, someone who dies there, but someone born blonde, I don't know. And she had mad, that's like the way you think about these movies, that is true. Her family is a pain in the ass.

Imagine her, Thanksgiving. I'm hanging out with her outside of her situation. Yeah, she's coming with mad love and drugs. You're right. She's like coming with, she's, you don't know if you're getting like, she'd be honest or she's gonna act like she's prestigious. Of course, you're right.

You just swob the deck. I'm not, I'm not talking about you. Sure, because she accept love. She's been in such an abusive situation. I don't wanna spend, you know, 10 years of therapy just having, sure she's hot. She's hot. I mean that's that's but even for me not really my back in my cup. So I'm gonna go Jasmine one Meg to eldest you have any theory do you have any I mean actually I'm sorry Ariel to actually

It's a good question, bro. I'm like poker haunted. I'm not I'm with you there. She got a little real. She's fierce. She's a warrior. Right I'm so I'm gonna say pokies Right I'm so I'm gonna say pokas I'm not my pokas poker, huh? And I'm a thought Jasmine in there too because she got that you know Persian flier Sure of course big fan of that over here. We're gonna eat mad halal Absolutely I've got a fucking truck

Yep, that's true and she's got a nice dad. She comes from a good situation. You're right. You got to think about who everybody's. Pocahontas might be the best, because she's like a leader, you know what I'm saying? Her whole family. A survivor, yeah, yeah, yeah.

OK, I like that. Maggie's a fucking mess, but that's why the push is probably top notch, I would have to guess. I would that's of all three of the and then Ariel. I guess I'm knocking Meg out but you can't even really chill with Ariel on land so you already know what your situation with that's sure that's sure. I see you at the dock tomorrow. That's a good point and then you got your land babes Sure, you got your sir you Serpent her combo

I'll just you on the way in here pal I like bell always I was thinking about a bell guy French. I like burnettes Okay, okay reads okay her dad's all she likes a hairy fucking monstrosity This is back in the beast back you could not tell a difference if we showed people two pictures Gun to your head who's who's back is's, you're dying 50% of the time. You know, all right, thank you for, thank you for bringing in Bell, because I did forget about it.

I don't want to forget, Bell. Sure, she deserves to be a part of the conversation. And then obviously there's probably newer ones, but I've kind of fallen off, you know, we're not, we're all 30 plus over here. No, no, we don't know about the new Disney's really. What's that, but what's that joint? What's the, um, the Incredibles? Oh, Miss Incredible.

She's pretty nice. Yeah, she's pretty nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true, that's true. Huge ass on Miss, yeah, we haven't even thought about Pixar. This is 2D animation only, folks only folks next we'll come back next week Next time PD comes back. It's next appearance. We'll go picture who we want to fuck on Pixar

But anyway, that's good man. Oh, this is literally good. You that ooh you guys heard was out is getting horny I'm just lucky because I know there's like a lot we forgot but I'm seeing getting horny. I'm just I'm just like it because I know there's like a lot we forgot but I'm seeing tinker tinkerbell that's a good thing. Tinkerbell. She's pocket. Yeah, I think it was probably so annoying but yeah you're right. Tinkerbell is the guy you just anyway. I don't want to get too into this but you really got a rough rough up tinkerbell and she wants it consensually of course but you can tell

she's one of those like Would you guys hit Nala? Her vibes I would fuck her vibes. I don't want to fucking actual line though. I'm more of like what's the um The bunny Lola bunny of course, but now we're just talking cartoons. We want to fuck Lola bunny of course, but now we're just talking cartoons without a fuck And then of course without without saying Jessica Rabbit in Number one cartoons we want to fuck actually that's the top of the list right that was huge for me Yeah, cuz I was a big Roger Rabbit kid and then I happened to have my sixth grade biology teacher was a redhead with huge tits and I think those two

Together it's kind of forged something although I must say I think I've only fucked one I don't remember how many redheads I fucked I can only think of one And maybe there's another one in there, but none that obviously none that fit the Jessica rabbit. I mean, that's a, or, or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, nothing that they really get more Irish than Jessica rabbit. Jessica rabbit is just the, just the best with dyed hair. Jessica, yeah, Jessica rabbit had the energy of a brunette with like a great wig on. Absolutely correct. Yeah. These are not, Yeah, she's she's not freckles

Her whole extended family isn't drunks, you know what I mean? It's not it's Mops this yeah, there's something going on there. Something some interesting. So yes, let us know folks call in 904 800 stop What cartoons do you want to fuck? You ever see the like I you ever like see the fucking, like you're on fucking X videos or whatever? And then you see like the cartoon shit where it's like Homer getting his dick shit about bars, and you're like, damn it,

shit, mad groaning is wild for this shit. Mad groaning, fool for this one. Sure, way. Man, growing a full fence word. Sure, Lois. Lois is big in there. She's getting fucked by Quagmire quite a bit. I love the ones where Brian's fucking Lois. Not to get back to the animal thing. Yeah, this year.

Coming at it, he wants to fuck the one Disney princess that fucks an animal. And then the only human cartoon he's wants to fuck the the one Disney princess that fucks an animal and then the only human cardoon He's wanted to fuck fucks an animal and the only other things he's brought up or fucking is Is Nala and watching Brian get his dick sucked by Lois? Yeah, that's good stuff man. That's really good stuff check that out guys if you're ever on my videos check that we want to plug Brian porno's we're Brian fucks a Lois of course Check that out guys if you're ever on my videos check that out. We want to plug Brian and porno's we're Brian fucks uh lowest of course. Um but yeah anyway I don't know how the fuck we got there but that's a good that's a nice.

You asked me how I was doing. You said what you mean up to. That's good shit baby. The people need to know It went from 40 to fucking of course to 40 to see what we got in there Brian getting his dog ass eaten by Lois damn dude 40 that's nice though. That's a little wisdom a little some are you trying to settle down? Is that what are you thinking about that too? Is that what part of that is or? That was the truth is or the truth is well, yeah, but then it's just like yo, I got a fucking you know For you like y'all need this is what I literally thought I'm going walks every morning hit me. I love a nice morning walk

Yeah, it's great fresh Kids went to school fucking just having a little coffee kids went to school fucking just happening a little coffee little coffee and I'm sad spoke a little that's great and I'm like walking today and I'm thinking about like I just want like I was like they were doing gardening and my my building and shit and I'm like yeah like when you 40 I want like I want mulch yeah I did I'm never going to the store to buy mulch yeah I want to go to Home Depot and just buy mulch. Yeah, I'm with you.

I know you. Orgitchen mulch, man. That's how I feel very similar walking around this neighborhood, because I just see like the old Greek mother, there's a Greek neighborhood, I see the old Greek mother fuckers like hosing down their driveway in a fucking robe and I'm like, that's what I need to be doing. That's a goal, bro.

I need to be fucking hosing down. My wife is too hot for me, but she is annoyed by me. You know what I mean? I want the traditional sitcom lifestyle. I want much fat piece of shit, hosing off his driveway, much too hot wife, who still puts up with him for whatever reason. Is that so much to ask for?

I was thinking about a too hot wife earlier, but I was like more like, you know, the mulch and the mortgage are on top. Of course. And then I'm like, you gotta complete it though. The hot wife. Yeah. Or I don't know if it's wife or partner or it's 22.

There he is. I know all the terms. There you go. You don't wanna get married? Gang. I like that's a nice way for a straight man to avoid marriage Your partner were it's we're life partners. We don't need a fire We don't need a fucking paper

But now I would definitely do wife kids all like not saying mulch I would definitely do wife, kids, or like, you know what I'm saying, mulch, multitude of mulch. Sure. Everything, whatever you could think about. You think maybe you'll channel that into a garden instead of a family. Perhaps. Yeah, perhaps.

The older I get, the more I'm like, damn, I really do want. Like, I don't know if I want kids, but like my friends are having kids. Now I want kids, man. We do. Cause of my friends. Oh nice. And like, at first I didn't want kids.

When I was like in my early 30s, I'm like, I don't want no kids to have to live up to this level of greatness. So that I'm pressure on the kids. You gotta put on the kid damn, yo. Of course. He grew up out that concrete. Yeah.

Yeah. Of course. That's too much. Of course. Like LeBron naming his son LeBron James Jr One of the worst things you could ever do to a human being that poor kid, man Even like calling him Bronn I like yeah, you should have you should have named him Carl James No one knows what called Carl James is

And even his second son he names Bryce Maximus The kid fucking Maximus he's pretty good though Bryce is pretty good But yeah, it's like name those kids fucking to do with the cleric He's got in tall as fuck though. He can he might be better than his brother I feel bad for Bronny cuz he also looks like LeBron Yeah, and he's but he's just like his dad is the best player of all time Yeah, like if you the if you the like LeBron made it so just like his dad is the best player of all time. Yeah, like if you didn't like LeBron made it so that like if you wasn't lit in high school or you like or you were lit and maybe you had like some run-ins with the law.

Right. Like you wasn't shit if you had to go to college, bro. I mean I mean then they came with the rule. Of course, he was the last one. Yeah, but it's like, bruh, like you get you. You're not even a one and done. Yeah. Is he, what is he? Is he in college?

Yeah, I think I think he's, this is a senior year. And so yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So I, well, oh, you got to go to the G league and cook them. Yeah, but I don't, I don't see it for him. But anyway, that's, you don't want to have your, you gotta go to the G-league and cook them. Yeah, but I don't see it for them. But anyway, you don't want your son to have to, you don't want your kids to have to, because honestly, my shit is like,

I'm not worried about that, because it's like, it's like, whatever, do whatever you, do whatever you fucking want. I'm worried about like, there is something to, but what you just said coming out of the fucking concrete, whatever, it's like, there is something to like, damn, kids who, like, we, we grow bad, right? We grow bad. And I think that made us interesting. And it made us not fucking nerds. And like, I don't want it. What if I fuck, I'm doing okay. What if I, what I'm gonna have just kid,

like a kid that loves both his parents? You know what I mean? Who does, who's like, you know, doesn't have to have fake shoes. You can have real shit. And he's like, fucking, he goes on good. Like, I don't wanna kid who knows what real ramen is. I wanna kid that fucking has ramen packets.

But the way my life is now, my kid would know what fucking, he wouldn't know Marushin, ramen, he would know fucking soft boiled egg, fucking Tonkatsu, fucking broth. That kinda fucking freaks me out, you know what I mean? That's my one trepidation, I'm like fuck, should I just send him the Baltimore my mom?

I literally told my mom one time because she was hounding me about kids. I was like, fuck, should I just send them the Baltimore, my mom? I literally told my mom one time because she was hounding me about kids. I was like, would you just raise the kid if I gave, would you just raise them on the fucker in Baltimore? And she was like, no. I was just like, I wouldn't, but I don't know, I worry about that actually, where it's like, I didn't, like,

obviously you want something better, but then it creates this whole fucking, me and my dad, me, my mom kind of like got into America and she kind of like, you know, she's half Greek, half American, culturally, we haven't, like me and my mom speak half Greek, half English, but there's, we understand each other, she understands the culture, me and my dad,

it's like he's from a completely different fucking world. We have nothing in common, like Greek soccer is the only thing we have in common. And like sometimes I'm like, all right, me and my kid would have like, you know, we would thing we have in common and like sometimes I'm like All right me and my kid were have like you know we would have Cultural shit in common, but I'm like damn what the fuck what about everything else like I don't know It's just a little weird to think about that because you're shaped by such by things that You want to save your kid from right like you like you don't want your kid to fucking put up with all the bullshit you did But then at the same time look at fucking I don't much in kid to fucking put up with all the bullshit that you did, but then at the same time, look at fucking,

I don't wanna say my kid would be rich rich, but look at rich kids, they fucking suck. There's some of the worst people of all time, and that's a, that's a worry. But it's a worry. I feel like, all right, so the shit that changed for me, not wanting the kid to now is like, it's almost like the first time I went to an open mic.

Okay. And I saw people doing it bad. Right. And I was like, I time I went to an open mic. Okay. And I saw people doing it bad. Right. And I was like, I could do a little better than that. It's nothing else. I think it was motivation like, man, what about skin of it? That's a good point. So it's like, dude, I'd be a fucking killer dad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you'll do it. I get high and be like, just all day like, yo, this one look like me, that's crazy man I wanna like blow the smoke in his face but I'd be like yo this is crazy and then like and then some people they be like yo

cause you know some people are like I don't wanna bring a kid into this world it's crazy I'm like yo why wouldn't you want someone that look like you to go down with the fucking shit what you do like look the fuck I don't wanna be around a bunch of different looking, but if I want one person that's like, like, I'm the girl, you know what I'm saying?

That's me right there, my dick. Now I'm saying, I'm a bubapusia. That is a very human feeling of just like, I just want me, I just want like, I want my jeans. I want half my DNA. I want to talk I want my jeans. I want half my DNA. I want to talk to a little me. Yeah, half my DNA and half theoretically, the person I love the most DNA, that's a nice little combo.

And you know our kids that gonna, like, come on, I want a fucking audience member at all times. I'm telling this kid, like, I'm running my settle, this kid, all fucking from the womb. I'm like, oh, how's it going in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm saying, if, how's it going in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gonna live? Yeah, what if your kid doesn't think you're funny?

That would be brutal. We're gonna teach him, bring him to shows as a baby, and have other people. And the fun of him constantly, that would be brutal. Nah, I can't just be lit. So I'm telling you, you have a kid, I have a kid. You have a kid. I'll just, I'll do you have a kid.

Oh yeah. I'll just gonna have some fun. Yeah, there is something to it where it's like part of what you're talking about though where I was just like, because I used to be one of those motherfuckers too, it's like bring a kid into this fucking world, why? And then you just like,

well that's what being a fucking human being is. Like that's, I had that realization where it's like, they didn't give a fuck about it. Exactly, exactly. And then it's like, and then if you start thinking like that, then the only people who can have kids are super wealthy people.

You know what I mean? It's like, by the way, it's not a problem because like immigrants poor people, they're having fucking kids and they should because that is, it's just such a human thing, but I don't know. I'm still a little, you know, I have my friends are having kids.

There is something like to seeing someone you remember like, oh, we used to get fucked up together. Right, right, right, right. I shit on your couch after Halloween party. And now your son is shitting on your, now you're infantishing on your couch. Like, you don't wanna hang out, no more. I got so fucked up off stoles.

What do you mean you get sick? I drank a quarter of stole, and through my shitting on underwear in the bushes of your neighbors of your neighbors after your fucking Halloween party. And now you have a fucking baby. And it's fun. It's interesting. You see it. That kid looks like you're there is something that's just like, I don't know. There is like the older you get the more you're like, yeah, there this is the way people behave for a reason. But who's to say? I'm still I'm still in the fucking we're still in

the fucking trenches a little longer before you Even have a foot, you know, that's not even in the on the fucking horizon No, no, not for me it is cuz I'm almost 50. Yeah, you just turn 40 Yeah, I got you bro half a handle., man. What the fuck? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I got you. Bro, half a hundo. Yeah. That is, when you put it that way.

You have, like, damn. And then really, if you really, really want to get technical, bro, I'm like, what's that? Like, what's the eight? What's the eight? What's the eight? What's the eight? What's the eight?

What's the eight? I'm like 280. That's what you would say is really technical. That's like your parrot, character like your pops in them I'm fucking the lineage yo they my dad's like you gotta you gotta multiply their age and the shit they've been through no you're right yeah my dad's late 60s but he's 105

you know that little kid that they be that be boxing it a little your pink it The house full of yeah, yeah, that's that's a Paris back then without the cameras though My wish they made my money I'll just you know I was thinking the other day. I love you know what I love mango the fruit I love it sweet. It's delicious and I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off.

Be like, this actually... One time I, after a day, I was was like want to come back for some fruit salad and I thought it was smooth and then some girl after she Fuck was like that was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort easy Yeah, well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango. And oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. And I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard?

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All right, all right. They would have been viral if they was caring. No, you're right. My dad dropped out of middle school to become a carpenter. Try and say, Jesus moves. Jesus moves. They wasn't far removed from Jesus Carpentry your people going need chairs

Plumbing your people got flushed a shit. Yeah, he is good at that shit roof fucking people that fix roofs people need a roof over They had everything back then. Yeah, now we like your people need the left People need to read people need to read invites to weddings efficiently. Graphic design, we need advertise. People need listicles. I was watching a documentary last night about the dude. I don't even remember the dude's name, but he was like the graphic artist behind a bunch of Hollywood old school movies like logos like He made the 007 logo. Oh, yeah, and he was just talking about like, you know, I wish I would have got royalties

Oh, yeah, you know that guy got fucked. He's like nobody got royalties back there And I'm like they cut him a hundred fifty dollar check One of the most iconic logos of all fucking time But the coolest part was like he wasn't salty though damn at least on camera I know off the camera. I'm like fuck MGM. Yeah, he's not salty now when he has to pay his fucking car bill He's fucking car payment. He's a little salty. That's just crazy He's like Fucking 70 some 80 some yeah, that is I mean and back then to it's like I mean not to's like, fucking 70, some 80, some. Yeah, that is, I mean, and back then too, it's like,

I mean, not to say it's not an art now, but it's like back then, it's like, that motherfucker was just drawing it. Yeah, man, there was not, it's not, it's not Photoshop, yeah. It's not like click and drag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he really had to do that shit.

Well, that's interesting, man, so you're fucking, you're feeling like you're almost there. That's nice that you're in a place in your life, because another thing I wanna talk about is like, you know, we've talked about it a little bit, but it's interesting, your whole arc, your whole story is fucking fascinating, because it's like, you know,

are you still working on a show? Are like a one-man show about it? Or like, that's gonna be fucking awesome. Why did it this summer? I mean, I've gotta revise it. That's awesome. And then I'll probably bring it back in the beginning of the year. Yeah, no, because your story is fucking,

because we met, at this point, what, eight years ago, fucking doing stand up at the stand, all that kind of shit. And it was just like, you're the way you came to stand up. You were just like a fan of it. You were working at a club, weren't you? Yeah, you were like a door guy and shit. You were just like, you were interning, but you were like, you had so,

you had already lived the full fucking life. Like that's what's all, and that's why I think you were funny from the jump, is cause you had like had, like dude, I started to understand why I was 19, I didn't know shit. It wasn't funny, I didn't live at all, you know what I mean? But it's like, you were funny cause you had all these fucking, first of all, you're just a funny person,

but you had like all these experiences and you were just like, an interesting person off the rip, and you had this natural ability, but it's like, what were you doing before? Because you start interning, and that's how old are you then, like 30? 30. I started comedy 10 years, that 30.

10 years ago. Oh wow, dude, so yeah, yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, because I moved here about eight years ago, and we met pretty soon after I moved, but so what were your fucking, so that's awesome. Yeah, because I moved here about eight years ago and we met pretty soon after I moved, but so what were your fucking, so that's 30, and that was like a big life change for you, because what were your fucking 20s looking like? Cause you grew up here, you grew up in the Bronx, right?

And then I moved, I moved, I left the Bronx at like, and I wanna say 18, like 18 around here, but like as a like fucking not a dog But like on some adult shit like when you when you turn 18 and you sink you're an adult. Yeah, yeah But also but you're with your mom you're living with your mom. Yeah nice. So the show the show is called before comedy after crime. Yeah But it's basically about this shit, but before like right before Comedy, I was I was living in Miami. I lived in Florida for like maybe eight years and then the two years before that I was like just moving around and that's when you're 18

Around when you're 18 when you're like fucking I'm getting the fuck out of the Bronx. I'm gonna do my own shit 18 the West Coast Yeah, okay 18 like the end of 18 19 So I was on the West Coast. I was hustling. I was part of this like a elaborate fucking scam hell yeah, what kind of white collar? I love that that's a shit to like a part of the show Is like to obviously telling the whole story. Yeah, but then one of the funny things is like people even stereotyped criminal activities right right that's hilarious You're right. So if I remember like like I wrote the other day something about

Oh, cuz like back in the day like one thing's, I like got like a thousand dollars worth of turkeys and gave them out in the hood. You know what I'm saying? Like, was some needle brown shoes. I was like, you know, cause I had a good heart and I'm also a new jack city. New Jack city was awesome. Right.

And then somebody goes, damn, it's a shame, you did something good, but like, you like, you scammed or some shit. And I was like, what do you mean? And they were like yeah, cuz they figured that I scammed my own people right like I fucking was running like credit cards Gams when people in the hood. I'm like no, I was taking from a fucking corporation I'm like the Robin Hood Fucking piepiper in his back

But um, that's awesome. What was it? Can you talk? so I put in his back. I love that dude. But that's awesome. What was the, can you talk about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I'll tell you, so at first. Yeah, don't give away the whole show, but give me, give me, give me some tidbits here. No, I'll tell you, but like, so at first when I was like 18, I was making pickups, like somebody close friend had hit me up and was like, yo,

do you want to make some money? And the exact word, Joe, you want to make some money? You don't got to kill nobody. And I was like, no. And like at the time, I was just like on the block, fucking with the, I was just fucking with the bros, chilling, doing regular stupid, legit. And so I was like, hell yeah.

And then that's just started out just doing pickups and shit. Like I didn't know what the fuck was in the boxes I just knew that it was like what 200 hours every pick up I was doing like two three pickups a week and mind Joim 18 course, that's you know my mom I'm getting the bar. I think I had a had a car back in two So I had a car I had like my first car What was it? A Nissan Central 98. There you are. Like in the hood. Like you have a car in the hood. Yeah.

It's like a Benz, bro. Of course, I had a 96 Chevy blazer. That was my shit. It was awesome. With the round back. It was awesome, man. This shit was fucking sick. Stomper us two.

Four through a two door. Two door. Woo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a fucking beast. That's fire. It was all, I mean, my dad, classic, my dad moved where it's like, I want like a small or just like, I don't have,

gas expensive as fuck back then too. And it was like, I just want like some sensible whatever. Smaller fucker just gets me a tank, a huge tank. Guzzling gas, but I did love the fucking car. We had some good times in that fucking car. Didn't we, Eldis? Oh yeah. We would

set up shopping carts and just fucking ram them. This thing was fucking huge. We were just like drive around fucking shit up with it. That's crazy. Yeah. A lot of blunt rides in that fucking car. There's not like the first whip, bro. It's incredible. I missed that car to this. You could go from heat at E. If I ever, if I ever like get, we were talking about earlier, mulch a plot of land, I'm buying the same car and just like sitting it somewhere is like a place we can hang out. Like taking it, taking the engine out, and it's just like a piece of furniture. We're gonna all smoke weed in it and that kind of shit. Fucking gazebo. Yeah. So you're in the center, you're fucking making pickups and shit. Oh yeah, so I'm like 18 and shit,

making pickups, making some money, feeling good. And then the bros is like, you know, you want to come to the West Coast so then I go to the West Coast. Same guys, you're like,

same dudes, go to the West Coast. I don't know what's in the boxes. I'm not having a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just know I don't got to kill nobody I'm making a piece of my money I'm young All I care about is fucking four t-shirts from foot locker for 20 bucks Yeah, you know I'm saying I'm living the big the big the tall tier

Yeah, I'm living at the grocery area I got the fucking EV suit. I got the fucking five-hack shit on I got the fucking EV suit. I got the fucking five X shit on Living my life living my best life bro like just fuck and then they like yo you want to come to the West Coast But hold on I think before that Before that did I get the Some try to think when I got the whip the whip whip but um not so I went to the west coast Okay, we're talking what I went I went to I Want to be too specific sure sure just show the west coast. Yeah, the west coast

But I did we did get to LA okay, and so I was doing pickups out there for a minute and then The main dude got snagged. Oh, so basically the hustle, when I found out what it was, it was like a couple of the homies worked at this huge tech corporation and they found a way to order parts, like replacement parts or put in false claims for replacement parts For parts that weren't broken sure and they would just get replacements and then resell them fuck you Yeah, the skim yeah little skim off the top nothing wrong with that so the dude the dude that was running it

Something happened where he was kind of like just I Don't even like I think he ordered it his name is something Skylo sloppy. Yeah, he got little sloppy. So then the feds came to me. He was we we was at And I remember because I was in we was at like so the crazy shit to it was like I'm from the hood Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you got to imagine dude like this is a life like the life that I was like turned out Yeah, dude, they're like they're like, they're like, yo, come to LA real fast, we're gonna bring you to the, first, first I went somewhere else in the West Coast,

but then they was like, yo, come to LA from where I was at. Sure. And I'm still kinda like, like, thugging it out, thugging it out. Of course. I'm like, I'm a car, hoodie on. I got the do rag on with fucking,

a fro underneath, you know what I'm saying? Shit, I was looking bad dusty son. I looked at mad dusty cars. I looked at like I'm cool with a honey bun and like some fucking utships. And Arizona ice cream for right Mr.

You know I'm talking for brunch without what you want to do. That's a meal to me right? That's how I was looking bro. And I'm looking for dessert. So I'm at LAX. I'm gonna hold you They fucking got me waiting man long And I'm definitely I think I had a sidekick maybe

But I'm like wait in bro The LG Now so then they show up bro, I never forget you know this this is like in Like maybe like 2001 2001 and you know do pull up It's two of them and they pull up in like a fucking all black Range Rover and this was like when the Range Rover's first got the new body Yeah, like the when they when they were from the square to the Mobile with the fins on the side, bro, all black talking 20 years ago.

Murdered out fucking rims, bro, like everything first time I'd ever seen an all black video. I've never seen all black. Also, like that's the other thing, it's like we're talking just 18. Everything is impressive Yeah, but then like coming out of the hood Yeah, and then you get a fucking murdered out fucking Rover that's sick. Yeah One bro is in that and then the other bro is in like I Want to say it was like a

CL6 honey It was it was it wasn't murdered out though. It was still dude. It was like but it was like I remember that shit. Someone came around and greetown with the fucking just a used BMW. I was like fuck you. It was a fuck let alone these cars. Yeah, it was a spaceship that shit automatically. I'm in this shit like mind you. I was just on the block. Yeah. And now I'm in fucking fine

Corinthians the smells different bro headliner and shit bro and I'm all his dust fucking with and I never forget they were staying at this hotel on sunset and I don't remember the name it was like one of those main ones on sunset and we go and then they're like, you know, they're looking at me. They're like, bro, we're gonna go out, but you can't go with us looking like that.

Like crazy. You look crazy right now. You know, the homie was like, yo, I'm gonna give you a haircut. He had clippers. He cut my front. Wow, dude. They gave me the whole fucking montage.

The pretty woman montage. Yeah, bro, that's what it was, bro. It was just like the Hood version, bro. They gave you the whole fucking montage the pretty woman montage They gave me like a cut some gear yeah, oh, like shit I remember like I remember like for some reason when I like probably like within the first couple of months of me Fucking with them like in that realm of like being around it, but I would always wash my hands I don't I don't even have OCD, but like I would just like I Don't know what it was like I would just be fucking nervous. I mean like I'll be back I go to the bathroom and just like keep washing my fucking hands. I don't know what it was. I would just be fucking nervous. I'd be like, I'll be back. I go to the bathroom and just like keep washing my fucking hands. I don't know, bro. Like I was thinking about this shit that the day like I would go.

You still don't understand what the root of that was. I was just washing my like literally like I would be washing my fucking hands. Anyway, so we're I just remember that because the first time in the hotel. Yeah, I were in there. Fucking give me a fresh leather some new cakes. Oh, like what the fuck? And then they they're like yo, you want to um, so we gonna go to this club. You want to take one of the cars The car yeah, they got like three full cars downstairs Incredible

Only two of them so they like you want to take one of the cars and I'm like yeah, I could drive Yeah, like in my mind bro, I got like a fucking drivers per man. Of course. Where are you gonna say like what am I doing like no? No, I had a license. I had my car but I had a license, but it was like a central moving in a couple blocks in the Bronx It's different. There's a fucking 405 Yo, they like y'all are with car you want to take bro like we don't like it's a fucking video game bro, so they have the rover Oh, they have a S600 no S5 a C.L. 6 and you'll get this this is the one that I picked they have a fucking cherry red Hummer like the fucking army joint and that's when they first that's when they were hot and shit like And that's when they that's when they were hot shit This is like to 2000

2001 2001 2000 like with the convertible This is the convertible Hummer bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, incredible. Big is the fucking street And I'm like I'm gonna take the Good for you and bro. We I'm never forget the club was like maybe too much I'm never forget the club was like maybe too blocked to it We took the whole con voice I mean that's got to feel fake that's got to feel like a fever dream washing my hands It was it was like this should even real growing incredible What the fuck is this like turned out? Yeah, like we go to hell we go to this fucking club dudes and I'm like from the hood We don't really maybe go to the bar and shit man might shoot himself in the foot like

Cheddar Bob Local hood shit. I'm not used to like the fucking like the shit from the rap videos Yeah, champagne and all that shit bottle I'm used to a little fucking let me get a 151 and coke You got me ever clear over the proof You want it coke? You know what I mean? The love with the song with shit. You got any ever clear? Let me cut some old improves. Yeah.

The hood won't disprunk it. Just for any way we in there, we pull up Valet. I'm like, I never experienced this shit. They give it in the Valet, do mad bra, y'all keep it up front. And I'm like, where are you with AC? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on my shelf so cool. Yo, we in the club and shit.

And they're like, you guys want a section? And my dude's just like, nah, but we still want bottles. We just want to drink our bottles at the bar. I just want to be with the comment folks going on, comment things. I'm gonna fuck it up. And this was like when Chris style was big, like a fucking bottle of Chris,

a bottle of this one, Belveday was big, bottle of Belvy. Of course. And it's like LA. So it's like yeah The club is gonna close in like an hour So I remember like the bra I was so just off the block and like not used to shit So in that environment I was very much like a young like I knew I knew that the bases was loaded So I was acting So I was acting

Three oh count you can take a couple swings Every show in the spot like what you doing after this What you doing You gotta get your money's worth Yeah, bro, and I never forget like I didn't get no rhythm and then we leave We leaving the club whatever I cool, but the car's out in the front Yeah, so like you know say like hop up in the red thing with the roof Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I swear shorties was like hopping on the hood of the car like wait Yeah, wait, let me give you my number. Yeah, yeah

You're the homer, dude. You need a very freaky girl to call like wait wait let me give you my number yeah yeah you're in the home or dude you need a very freaky girl yeah so I'm riding the backseat of the Hummer that was my flex that was like my day of saying yeah yeah yeah I was like one of my first days on a job I mean that talk about orientation you feel it like yeah that's like the welcome luncheon. That's crazy. And then think about this, bro, I'm running with these dudes. Yeah, these dudes, I was like about, yeah, I was like 18, 19.

Bro, these dudes are just like 10 years older than me, so they're like, you know, big homie age. And I don't know, I think it was uh because even the reason like when they picked me to start like to start doing the pickups and shit I always think it was like maybe because like you know this mad people in the hood you could pick from of course so I felt like it was something where they they fucked with me like yeah no we trust this guy they must he's got his head on he's a good dude so we're gonna give him this opportunity and then so as it progressed it was like I was like the little the little homie like I would roll with them like the

little like the under like the with the under the but you got to be but now it's crazy because I was like I'm like 18 and I'm running with these dudes was like come on they're like in the late 20s making money so it's just like strip clubs. Yeah. Fucking bolts on like half a soul fucking here there. So in it. I think my fuck got four cars. What do you think the crib looks like? Like, bro, fucking mountain views.

Yeah, so it sounds like it was really hard to catch them. It sounds like they were being real discreet. Bro, bro, we used to go to strip clubs and think about even think about even this brother used to take me to strip clubs, right? I'm 18 I wasn't supposed to be in the strip clubs. Yeah, and they'd be like yo like They would give us like sometimes give us a hard time or give me a hard time and they'd be like yo, what's the fine? Oh somebody comes in that's awesome and they would like yo like 800 or something like that 400 and whatever and then be like He is like

And it's like you know if they fucking come in you keep that in whatever the rest is and if not then you just give Us so many back and you know you're You keep a couple hundred we tip you off a couple hundred from a boy, and it's like row that so like That's like the start. Yeah, and then that was like to begin like I'm serious like I was the beginning and and it's like, bro, that's like the start. Yeah. And then that was like the begin like I'm serious, like I was the beginning and then it got like to the point where I was kind of like the lieutenant in the right, right, skim skim skim skim.

I moved up. So I brought it up because the bro, the main fool he went down and LA feds got him and then me and free him. And he's a G man, he got the like once they let him out he knew what to do. He got the private jet Yeah, you know that's the somewhere he couldn't be extra-dited from them To me good for him He's watching he's at the World Cup right now. He's a guitar Shilling with the whole fam. Shella with the whole fam, bro.

Like, even that is like, it's a crazy, it's like, create, sometimes I'd be like, damn, that's like, these are the dudes. These are my big homies. You feel me? Yeah, yeah. These are the dudes that taught me how to tip and like, how to treat people and like, but also, these are the dudes that I kind of like,

got to learn from them and be like yeah I don't want to do I want to do this this this yeah yeah yeah you know I'm saying but like you're certain aspect it's more certain things you took away from certainly like I don't know and that's just like chapter three yeah we need to talk about the first chapter yeah mom's just from Brooklyn New York City where they picked me rules are biggie yeah we even get to that. Yeah, but not so that was like the first I was in the chock three that's it and then you're on and well yeah, it goes to the fucking show Will you but tell us so you're in my hand because you were in Miami for a while right so

What you're going to do in your own shit? I graduated So when I graduated when I level today, and then what you should have to kick up like you just do your own shit Now I wasn't doing my own shit. I was still with the I was still with with gang But they was like yo down at this dude's gonna run in the Miami off you gonna move up It was a team so it's like yo it was a team at like two three. So it's like you gonna move up But so the whole thing now like how I'm a first it was like you want to make some money? You know got to kill nobody the second one was like yo

Are you ready to make a lot of money You're like you can't be like how you are bro because I was a little kid. I was wild. Yeah, I got my first car I got car jack Bugging the fuck out then I got it then I'm like I'm gonna get a gun Riding around with the shotgun pump you know saying while and now for no reason I didn't have nothing to steal Stolen my fucking beamer I got shotgun in the fucking in power Now I'm like with the fuck

So they like yo, bro shotgun in a certified pre-owned vehicle Fucking squad car man I got one that I'm the auction and Paula 15 hundred with the hard plastic material You like man people got fucking beat down in the back of this shit bro But nah, so like yeah, so the homies was like oh you ready to level up and I'm like Yeah, man, and right at that time I just seen that Matrix, it had been an awful lot. Seriously, it been an awful lot before that.

It was new to me. And I was like, wow, it changed my whole perception or shit, it was like, oh, wow. So then I started like, and I was like, levitating and nothing, but mentally, I was like, it kind of helped me get out of the Trades they were talking about yeah, you know what I'm saying? Well, I was like yo, and then I went to Miami for the first time I got turned out bro like I was living in Orlando for a little bit and

People thought me and the home he was like I remember one time. It's nothing to do in Orlando So I would just fucking car washes One time it's nothing to do in Orlando. So I would just Orlando fucking car washes Santa had a BMW bro had a 540i V8 your whole white Miracle with family from 20 inch inkies Put the fucking I had to flip out TV with the PlayStation 2

Come on NBA live With Jason Kidd on the cover. Yeah. Kidd on the cover. You already know the five, sir. You already know the five, bro. Come on, bro. Absolutely.

That was a good one. That's a good year. That's a good year, bro. Tell you, man, Vince was down with the game. The Raptors. That was a great team bro, but now so I had the bema Um went down. Oh, that was like yo you and your men's is the biggest drug dealers out here

And that was like the first time I realized about the stereotype shit like with the crimes Yeah, we're embezzling right I'm like one of the most flies Fucking softest palm criminals But then so then I got I went down to Miami to visit for a little bit and then I realized like yo like damn like It was so like lawless. Yeah, that it made more sense because I'm like yo nobody I don't stand out in my hand like a Everyone is like that. No, there's like Buffalo Wild Wings waiters that have be my right They just fucking put their mom's house as collateral Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not that's so then I'm like I'm

I'm just but I started making more money. So it was like a weird sitch because it was like yo I got this fuck I got a lot of money. I went from like maybe like Maybe like 800 to a thousand a week To like like 10 to 15 to 20 god damn I'm saying and I'm like fucking 2019 20. Yeah, yeah off the promotion off the promotion I got no fucking no dependence. I got no financial literacy Oh, yeah, bro everything I also you can't I mean you can't what do you do though? It's got to stay cash You got to figure out how to long to read know that's how I got caught I fucking had the bank accounts

You know Paper trail got me man, but damn bro. That shit was man fun man. That's on the organization They got a fucking walk you through that too, though, but not I wouldn't give a fuck, bro. I'm like 15. Yeah Good I got to shop at ball Harbor every fucking day. They know me. Yeah I was living crazy Everything I did was like based off a rap song of course because you're a child You start this when you're a dumbass little kid you're 18 and it just keeps growing and you just keep more and more money Bro, my like biggie said Miami DC prefer Versace I put Versace

But I have Versace dining set bro as well As well as have a Sashie flute cup champagne flutes bro with the Medusa I didn't have no dinner parties Fuck warming up fucking chicken tenders chicken tenders Had a chef in two house people That's fucking awesome. I was well in bro had come at the remote fucking

Shades oh shades that I'm like the fucking city views so like you bring a shorty to the crib My am I mean that much a bit you must be the big Left and right dude You had the whole I was fucking with sex workers. Helly back then that's tonight Yeah, and also they know what's up, you know what I felt like that was the only woman that I only type of women that I could trust I get you mean their pros I didn't have the confidence that a woman would like like there of course They're gonna be attracted to like the guy had a face I'm pulling up in a convertible is something. Yeah Yeah, you know saying I got a suit on yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm like creed

So do you think it was like so with they don't want they don't want me it's like I know you just so I might as well Just want to get somebody that wants the one thing. So I like I so that was there's like a self esteem component to that. Yeah, we're like I have what I have Makes me attractive, but it far outpaces me and that's also what you believe that's interesting You would think that because it's also like when you're kind of young you'd also think like I'm the fucking man They could go about it to waste. That's very interesting Also from the hood so like that that part of it is like I'm not like who the fuck is this woman and she might set me up So my mind is like that paranoia of like I'm gonna meet a shorty at the club She's gonna see me popping bottles. I got baby face over here. I bring it to the fucking condo

She sees the hunter Douglas fucking shades She sees the hunter Douglas fucking shades You know she sees the fucking the Boston Garden wood floor They see the safe they're planning they're planning Christmas gifts. Let's see this Versace champagne Interesting so you never you never dated in that situation it was all just like top of the line Escorts Miami sex work Well it cuz I learned from the pro sounds kind of good like the dudes I learned from is like sounds pretty nice Miami-do the first time I ever see my because that's the big leagues bro So it was me and my boy right before before my boy went to wherever he couldn't get extra diverted from right?

Yeah, so I remember me and my other homie in Thailand And he would be like nah nah, he would be like, yo, come on, we go on to the club, he would be like, nah, I'm good. He was going to be, he was going to be shorties at the club. He was like, nah, I'm good, yo. And then I remember being with my boy and being like, yo, so was I ain't ever like, you don't want no shorties. He's like, oh, he's going to have shorties.

And I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, yo, he be. And then I said, I asked him, and he's like, yeah, I just pressed enter. I'm on, what are you talking about? He's like, yo, he be. And then I then I asked him and he's like, yeah, I just press enter. I'm from my computer. I just ordered him like dominoes. And I was like, wow. And then I'm like, yo, think about it. Is there the pussy tracker app?

Monica is waxing her pussy. She's in the oven. She's in the fucking sauna, bro. Getting nice and steamy. Yeah, she steamy. Or pussy lips. And we're getting started on your order. Bro, let's see.

Actually, turn me out. I was like, oh, I could do that instead of wasting breath. And try and get back to fucking starting. It is interesting because it's like, what do we do anything for, right? And it's like, in some ways, it's like you're, you are succeeding, you have all this fucking money of all this shit, but it's like, it clearly stunted you emotionally.

Oh, yeah. And it's like, and at the end of the day, it's like, well, what the fuck am I gonna do with this? Like, you can't, you can't put a fucking down payment on it. You can't start your life with that, unless you're really, you know, next level. Yeah, I'm thinking about it thinking about it, which you're not. So it's just interesting to think like anytime, even success, success of any kind, let alone in a fucking white collar, you know, fucking embezzlement scam. It's fun. It is like, it's, you have to figure out what you're doing.

And it's like, because everything we do on some level is to like have people look at us, to have fucking, you know, and you think a relationship would be one of those things. And it's like, because everything we do on some level is to like have people look at us, to have fun, you know, and you'd think a relationship would be one of those things and it's like, you couldn't, you just couldn't do that just because of the nature of what your life was like. The closest I got to date in a short, he was like a stripper. Right. And that was because the fucking devil's advocate. When he stood at the table, he was like, it's the only one that makes sense to date. He's like, it's the only one that makes sense to date. So either rap songs or if I get over the hill Al Pacino performances. He's like, I can only date a whole because I'm doing the life I live.

It's the only one that understands me. That's what I was always saying. I was like, yo, she's not gonna ask me shit. I'm not gonna ask her shit We got the best fucking time. I get bad simplest things give us joy Yeah, fucking cup of coffee a blunt and some fucking dick. Yeah You know some sex and morning sex so what actually you get caught because of the paper trip That's what it damn and then what happened well. I got caught

Years I got caught like years after doing it really Because the hustle slowed down before I got caught like I didn't get caught doing it Wow get the fuck out here. So you're back are you back in New York when you get caught? You get what I was visiting I was visiting my mom get the fuck out of doing comedy dude I was like y'all I found my thing what I always assumed it was like you get caught you fucking you know Whatever and then you start that's a story Do I just found my thing at 30 years old people are proud of me for the first time wow Fucking my life caught up to me, bro. What the fuck kind of bullshit is that you were done?

They set me up for the fucking award-winning motion picture, bro. That is good. That is a great story It is a great story. I'll That is good. That is a great story. It is a great story. I'll give you that. That's a great narrative. No, no, no, no, no. Fucking, I fucking finally found my thing. God damn. Vis- I'm visiting.

Well, I started doing it in Miami because the hustle would stop working. So I'm like, but like the cool part that I loved about Miami is you don't need much to survive and live comfortably and live decent, actually. Yeah. So like me and my boy, atomic, his dad on the house rent was like 600 with utilities. Yeah.

Two bedroom house backyard. Right. Barbecue when you want. Swet the EBT, you know what I'm saying? Just the top notch Cuban pussy that had to slow down. Yeah. But everything else was alright. And I got into a relationship with him.

I'm like, she must really like me for me. I mean. I got you. Everything else was alright I'm sharing a bathroom right now Wow Yeah, I started doing comedy and I was like I started in Miami And I'm like you're gonna go visit my mom because they were like you know I was going there people like you go so hard in Miami and I'm like, I started in Miami, and I'm like, I'm gonna go visit my mom cause they were like, you know, I was going, they're people, you go so hard in Miami, and I'm like, dude, I'm getting up like three times a week at mics. But that's just tells you, like,

that city's kinda, I mean, I was just, we were just there and we were at the Miami improv and a good club, fucking awesome, but every show starts an hour late cause everybody in Miami's fucking late for everything. And they just like, no one is like, I'm like, is this, they're like, oh yeah, I mean, that's of course. You heard a second, like a fact of life.

That shit is third-conderry, bro. Like, they don't give a fuck about that. It's like two other things like coming for some stupid ass motherfuckers saying words at me. Of course, you know, for sure. So, but yeah, nah, so I come to New York, like I'm like, everybody says it's the mega comedy. So I'm like, I'm like, you know, for sure, so but yeah, nah, so I come to New York like I'm like, you're right Says the mecca of comedy so I'm like I'm like y'all And I just came to see like I had a plan. I'm like yo the stand at just open 2012

And Greenwich Village had just opened so I went to but or reach out to both Like yo because I'm like y'all I'm gonna go to the newest spot Right right and just see if they need help or even just hang out I would just call it be like and then I heard this dude. I guess was the GM on the podcast of it He was the GM of Greenwich and he was like, yeah, I'm doing Mentorship like one-on-one So I'm like brand new of course They got you but but not Of course, they got you.

But, but not they didn't, they got me, but it was like I knew. Right. Because in my mind I'm like, yo this dude runs the club. Ha ha ha ha. Right. He's not on the road.

I'm like once he's talking, no, in my mind I'm like yo once he meets me. Yeah. Once he sees the enthusiasm. Right. Oh I see, I see. He's the way in. He's smart.

Yeah, yeah. So then once a hustling. Yeah, I mean. So once I started see you're here's the way in Yeah, so then one for a year's a hustling So once I started day once he's like yo come through I started doing a shit And I was just watched the show whatever and that was more dude new club a lot of states time Matt you know not a fucking marquee club when it opened from 2012 to like maybe 2014 2015 like 2014 to like maybe 2014, 2015, like 2014, I did every check spot for like two, three years, bro. Like the roughest. I got to see.

That was not a good problem. And then I got to see like, you know, I got to see like so many people graduate to down the block to the fucking seller. Yeah. Or so like, I would just a seller, but like, I got to see like Pete Davidson like doing like before like when he was that Broadway comedy Right, right, right, right, right, that's like when I was coming in course. Yeah, like Christie's to find

I mean I remember that Mike's like you know what I mean like no, it's funny when I moved Yeah, it was the talent like I say I literally saw this Stefano at a mic and it was like hey He just showed up and he was like hey and no one on a mic. And it was like, hey, he just showed up and he was like, hey, can I just go? Obviously he wasn't like waiting off the bucket, but like still it was great. And we met at the stand at that point.

And that was a fucking crazy time. But damn dude, so you get caught and you have to just fucking go through all that shit. Do you have to go? Do you have to go? Or you were just on like fucking... Nah, so I got locked and then my mom, fucking, my mom and my sister had to put their house up to get me out

And then they put their house up to get me out and I had to I was like I think I wait I waited trial So like for like almost like about two years I waited sentencing and then so like put like it's so crazy because like I didn't tell anybody Yeah, I had no idea no idea. I'm like fucking that's a jackal I'm like fucking just trying to be as normal as possible So yeah, that's what happened damn dude, and then there's a whole nother part talk about like fucking after that shit and yeah You know the actual trial, you know what I mean and like now I like I owe I owe like

560,000 bucks and like god damn so it was like five years probation 560,000 dollars 200 community What did that fucking piece of shit company fuck them the funniest shit is like my mom being like oh my god If you just had a better lawyer you wouldn't have to Spend you when they wouldn't charge you so much. I'm like, I'm like, you don't understand. I'm much I stole Five hundred is not like if they made me pay back how much I stole It's not like if they made me pay back how much I stole Yeah, I'd be fucking you'd be in I'd still do crime. Yeah I'd be like the only way of making it's just crime Like how the fuck about like I don't have an education Oh love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah was gonna wall I ain't always assumed it was like yeah it happened when you're in your 20s

Whatever and then you're on probation and doing comedy. I had no fucking clue wild Yeah, I'm just gonna act like just for the timeline so this is like after you guys matter whatever you're going through all that shit or We met while we met That's great idea. That's none And then I went to I went to sentencing In 2014 and they gave that's when I got the sentence of five years so prior to that like so when we met I didn't know What the fuck Yo imagine like I'm busing tables and I'm doing, I'm just thinking,

you know, my career and I'm like, yo, I might be going to jail, I'm facing, like, if I took it to trial, which I did and I played guilty, because it was like, though, the max that I would get would be like five years in jail. But like, if I took it to trial and I lost, y'all, I'd be facing like 20 years. So I'm like, I don't want to do any jail time. Yeah, yeah, but like five is a lot better than 20 Of course, and then like my dumbass was like, yo, well, I'll just spend this time awaiting sentencing Being nice to people Going, huh cuz I'm like, yo, like the karma deadline Like the karma deadline

Because in my mind I swear I was like, you know what if I pee if I'm nice to everybody or at least to most people And I just fucking do the comedy shit work at it if I do go to jail for five years Maybe somebody will remember me when I get out maybe somebody will remember me when I get out. What the fuck you bad thing you're happy with? You're the fucking guy with ice. It's the whole of the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you were fucking, you were hilarious and you were nice and shit.

I mean, just like, you know, just a fucking, a good ass dude, that would have happened. Thank God it didn't have to. Bro, tell me, comedy helped me though. Like, that's part of the story too. It's like comedy fucking made me civilized Yeah, I didn't realize how much of a barbarian I was like a neanderthal sure sure Yeah, your life must have really been dog shit if comedy improved it

Yo, you know, you know what help to not only that yeah, not only was my life dog shit. Yeah, yeah but being a like being, so it was like a total of seven years fucking government supervision, bro. So the two years of waiting, sentencing, and then the five years after, right? Right. And like, yo, if I didn't,

if I wasn't walking on thin ice, bro, I don't, I might have been any of these more fuckers that fucked up in the last 10 years But the thin ice slowed me down. It made me like fucking figure out Like how can I exist because when I first came into this shit? I remember fucking meeting Aaron Burke, you know Aaron Sure, imagine this guy telling me this initially in the beginning. He goes Yo, man, he's like, yo, yo, you're too fucking angry on stage bro. You make people scared And I remember being like that was but like it made me look in the mirror

And like I got to say I was like damn I guess I am awesome hard rock shit Like I gotta say I was like damn I guess I am awesome hard rock shit right now Like I used to do like you know if this old work. I gotta go to jail I know I never get one shorty like well hopefully it works out But again, but this shit like it civilized me bro like okay, I got a co-exist I don't have to but if I want to like have some sort of fucking something in the show You got you you know like I remember the creek was like the creek in the cave like my first like fucking Experiment brown swears like y'all I'm gonna see

Like if I could be around people not like me right right right at least in like the fucking for sure whatever and then If I treat them I want to be treated. Yeah Imagine how crazy that should sound like I'm like you know what I'm gonna try to date Treated people. I want to be treated the golden rule Yeah, so once I once I put that plan in the motion. Yeah, the world got bigger for me, bro. That's first it was three people How you want to be treated at 30 and at 40 don't lie For fucking I love Lee City Council. That's a fucking great story man. I don't know. I didn't even know some of that shit

But that's go see the fucking live show. We'll do so that's that's the perspective We need to give these motherfuckers some answers to their questions. This motherfuckers knows what the, does anybody here have any questions on what style of fucking, wait, what was the, what was the, what dinner plates? What luxury dinner plates to get? Hopefully we got some luxury dinner plate questions

all this, but that's fucking sick, dude. We gotta, that's I want to fucking see the whole one man show that's gonna be fucking awesome In the meantime, let's fucking use that expertise and let's fucking answer some questions What do you say? Oh, this we got some fucking questions here, buddy? Let's do it Hit us with a babe Who do we have and by the way guys 904 800 stov? Who do we have and by the way guys 904 800 stav PD won't be here next week but the next mother fucker will so Throw some fucking questions our way hit us with it Eldis Yo, Savvy baby

It's a little low my guy Savvy baby I got some advice I've been seeing this girl for a while. She told me, babe, when we hang out, awesome. Total fucking awesome. Total awesome. You know, great sex. Get along well. Want me to eat her ass.

That kind of thing, you know. When we're apart, I text her, we text each other. She takes like hours to text back, really horrible communication. I've called her out on this and she says, I suck at texting, you know. But don't get invited anywhere. i thought it had been you know but uh... don't get invited anywhere i'm the only one that plans

uh... hang out uh... is she just not in the end of the uh... what are girls and report in each of our law thanks for buying tickets to go by tickets to the big theater. Hopefully we're selling that on another show there, but, um,

Haleir, I mean, tough question. I suck at texting. It's brutal stuff. And this is, you know, this is a very important lesson because this guy clearly, I could, it seems like didn't get pushed. You much of his life, right? He, he, you've got that kind of vibe, buddy. I, if I'm, or like not even, not even, he didn't get BABY pussy.

Sure. Exactly. This is new to him. But my point is like, not just that. I think that's obvious, but I think, and this was something I needed to realize too, because I didn't fuck until, you know, like I didn't fuck until like I was like an adult, right?

Like I'm in my 20s. That's what I'm really getting pussy, right? And I didn't realize until late the game that, just because a girl fucks you, doesn't mean she likes you. Yeah, you know, like, because at first it's so insurmountable. Getting pussy takes such an effort

that the idea that a girl wouldn't like your personality, but would have sex with you was foreign to me. That I think is what our friend here is on the precipice of realizing. Yeah, you get awesome sex. She's hot. She might be a freak. It sounds like you're probably, if I had to guess, he's second or third in the rotation. Maybe that maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That feels like to me what he's what the position you're in here, buddy. I suck at texting doesn't exist. You know what I mean?

Also, I gotta say... Unless what is she, is she a fucking doctor? What is this, but why is this so busy? I got it so busy. Yes. It sounds like a win-win situation for my dude because it's like, yo, you get to have sex with this woman. Right. She's a fucking smoke show. She lets you eat her ass sex with this woman, right? She's a fucking smoke show

She let you eat her ass You don't got a fucking talk to her. I know And like like don't fuck it up You're coming up real needy, bro. That's the problem You don't tell us. Please tell us your player position, bro, and just like He's told you know play your position bro and just like Cuz like on the flip side like not even like the sound like that like I have I've had women or I have women that like who Text the shit out of me to what I don't like them anymore and it has nothing like I like them like weak fuck great sex everything

But it's like all right now you're impeding on I don't want to fucking Tell you not I don't tell you but I don't feel like explaining. Yeah, yeah, it's a whole other job. What other job? I'm trying. Absolutely, it's a whole other thing. Especially if you're my, it doesn't sound like you guys are boyfriend, girlfriend.

He thinks they are though. He thinks you're on the path. That's the thing. Yeah. What's going on here is you have a gift, right? It's like somebody has given you, let's see here, how can I put this? Somebody gave you like an awesome sports car, right?

And you're trying to fucking, you're trying to like go grocery shopping and- He thinks a daily driver. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly, two seats right? Exactly, exactly, you're not taking her to Costco brother. It ain't happening Take her for a fucking spin and join have a good time, but it's not you yeah I agree the year his situation is like this is the dream if you're an emotionally

Unavailable man who likes to get his dick sucked like that you are're, it sounds pretty cool. What, your setup sounds actually awesome. But it's not for him, he clearly likes her. She is not that into you. That is the truth. How I feel, bro. Yeah, she's getting stuffed to the gills. She only wants friends with Benny, he's been. Yes, and listen, you also said something

interesting, play your position. That is true, because you are, you're not off the team. You're on the team, and you know what happens sometimes? Sometimes you get the fucking promotion of Miami. Sometimes you go for, you're making $800 right now, like Pety was on the West Coast. So you keep playing your part, you might be fucking, you might have the fucking Louis Vuitton bath robes.

You know what I mean? You two could live like Salvador Ferragame So basically stay if you like her and look it seems like it is a bit of a win-win here because look keep fucking her now Maybe you're just an a A sensitive guy. This isn't gonna work for you But you're on the team maybe by Knowing your role right right now. You're on the bench be the best fucking bench player There might be an injury to the starting lineup someone might drop off something might happen in that case

You might be able to move up but in the me or you might get cut maybe Yeah, she gets married. You have to be your side. You get to be a side bitch for the rest of your life. The point is you're good, bro. Just now, if you are really emotionally invested, maybe it's not for you, but I would say fuck until it hurts too much

and then go or play your position. You never know where you might end up. My guess is she is in a, She is in a predicament with a man She is a man is treating her the way she's treating you if I had to guess absolutely and so Who knows you stick around you stay in the mix long enough good things happen, but you have to be emotionally capable of handling the beating of Bad texting because it's not texting. Cause it's not, you know. It's not personal.

It's not personal. It's not personal. You're getting, you're eating it, you know. He's taking it personally. You're mustache smells like her butt. What else do you want, buddy? I wish my ex. I was still in the role, bro.

Yeah, I love the rotation. I love being in a rotation. I can't even. He's in the dream spot. What I would love is to be the number three for five women. I'm not gonna like that's the dream. I used to get jealous, bro, of the guys that my girl, my ex, that could just be cool with her. Right, right, right. They don't, they don't have that. No, I'm with you. Me and my my it's hard for me with an X to like

It's all or nothing with for especially the X like you loved. I can't just be in their life I'm gonna try and fucking I'm you know, I have that's just how I am. I can't help it. I can't help it I'm too passionate Yeah, yeah, I got it. I'm supposed to forget how cool was the fuck you after my girl don't meet yeah Down bad alert sound the alarm So you're back your back your back so good luck buddy good luck, buddy. That's what we have to tell you. Stay the course.

You might get a better, you might move up on the roster or if it hurts too much, leave. But I say fucker until it hurts. That's my, I would say keep it going as long as you can personally. Hell yeah. I concur. Thank you, thank you, PD.

Hit us with another one. Dao Rose, my name is Franco, and I'm an Italian who doesn't know how to speak to women. I work as a bouncer, so I see a lot of women every day, but I don't know how to talk to them. Can you please give me some pickup lines that you love to use? Franco, you're going about this all the wrong way. That ain't how it works, buddy. You think it's like a magic spell, an incantation. You say these words and they'll suck you off. Yeah, give me some magic pick a blind.

Shut up to Franco, but... Franco, you poor guy. Fff. Stop. I'm a... I'm a... I'm an Italian man who's physically imposing can you tell me certain things? I can use to harass the women at my job Frank oh fuck um I need to know more about you Frank

So your bouncer I the more about you Frank. So your bouncer. I mean, the good thing is as a bouncer, you have an opportunity to be a little flirty. Right. A lot of the time. You see, you work at a bar. There are a lot of women there. Don't press it. Don't overdo it. But I can't give you a pick. I don't know. I've

never been a pickup line guy. I've always just tried to get a conversation going. Yeah. Pick up is, I mean, respectfully, I'm like the same way. Like I just be hoping a shorty likes my wit. Yeah, absolutely. And like that overpowers my, you know, supersedes my looks. Of course, absolutely.

Yes. Or financial or living situation. Right, right, right. Or the holes in my socks. Yeah. No, usually I bank on personality. You got a bank on personal. Sounds like Franco might have not had to do that

I don't know but but all right, so if Frank goes an Italian bouncer right I Don't want to stereotype him like he's some big fucking tombstone back looking dude But I'm kind of guessing he is it might be fat also though. That's the thing But the thing is like you got size on you got size women like a big guy So it's like I feel like it's easier I feel like anymore door more doors also a stoic right if you're a big guy if you're a big strong guy You don't have to say much you know one sweet heart out of you. Yeah, sure. It's like you know what? That's a good point start using the word sweetheart, Franco

Or just be intended like you how can you be the most misdirectional from your side? Interesting. So the setup is his size and the punchline is that he's a big tenderoni. Yeah, I like that. Contender, Marco Franco. I like that. I would say though, I actually like the idea

of him calling women sweetheart in a non-threatening way while he looks at a fucking driver's license, have a nice night's sweet art. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Try that out Frank. I'm only saying that because I see my other bounce of homies do that shit. And he's one of the fuckers in the end of the story, man. And by the end of the night, every shorty in the party knows him.

Not that they even gonna go home with them Of course, but I feel like he's got a better chance and any dude that's there with the women for the first second third time Like he's their fucking solid as a rock. Yeah, security If there's any problem, stay know that that sweet They're sweet heart is gonna protect them. Yeah protect her and listen You want to smile you you wanna nice kind word, at work, right? Because also you don't wanna be the guy. Trying to fuck woman, trying to fuck woman at your job.

That's a bad look. Now when your personal life is a fucking civilian, Franco, you know, I don't know, what are your interests? Can you find women that you have something in common with? It's just, I mean, Eldest, you're a big fucking piece of shit. You know, you're a big tall guy. Well, how did you get pussy? I don't know.

If you're big and imposing, you gotta like, just lay low, play it cool. I feel like the bar is so low too for like men's behavior. If you just sit there and like, listen to a woman, and just talk to her, just like, wow. Especially, you know, Eldest is 6'6", I don't know if Frank will have big you are, but if you're a big guy, it's like, wow. Especially, you know, eldest is six, six. I don't know if Frank will have big UR, but if you're a big guy, yeah, ask a question, and I bet you, they'll talk themselves out,

say you're a good listener, and just don't. And then wanna cuddle. Yeah, it's, yeah, I would say try that Frank. Are you ugly, Frank? Go, is that the problem? Is there more to this? But even if you're ugly, here's the thing, you're not out the game.

It's true. Just make them feel comfortable. Sure. I'm just saying, if you're an okay looking guy and you're a big guy, it's basically like a football team with a big lead in the fourth quarter, just fucking Neil. Just don't get in front of your own way,

let them talk themselves out. Do you use the Sula method? Use the L-Dusula method. Ask a question, be a big guy that's not, that they don't perceive as dangerous, and you're good way let them talk themselves out. Do you use the Sula method? Use the L the Sula method. Ask a question, be a big guy that's not, that they don't perceive as dangerous, and you're good to go. And don't fucking come off like a scam artist where you do a pickup line. It's like you're trying to steal that fucking panty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't try and take them Franco. This shit is not gonna happen. Don't do pickup artists shit. Hey, you come here often. Yeah, I think the problem is he just wants to get sucked off too bad by the girls in line. Yeah, that is a problem.

That is a problem. He's out the ass out. That's a tough job. I wanna fuck these girls, but it's like, do bouncers even get pussy? Like, you know. I think if they're charismatic enough, yes. Bro, it's cool.

They're big guys. Yeah, I respect you. If you work in a service industry, if like a bouncer service industry, and, you know, like if you work in a service industry if like a bouncer service industry and You know the I mean granted unless you like connected to something but usually the guys that do the best are the people that have the charisma Bro exactly and that's thing frego you don't have that clearly right? That's that's the issue

That's the issue so do charisma could come from just being chill. But that's what I'm saying. If you don't have lacking charisma, lacking the gift of gab, whatever, try the other method. Don't, don't shoot yourself in the foot. Use your natural advantage as a big, strong guy and just ask a night, ask a try, sweet heart out, ask a nice question, work on your smile. Work on the intangibles appear friendly and then slowly You know let it let it resonate out from there a nice smile a nice kind word and then don't push it if you catch any kind of vibe Try and keep it going but those that's what we're gonna tell you Franco and call back. Let us know if you get your dick sucked

Which is hot on field bro. Hot on field. You want fields of play man? Yeah bro. I have to get my phone. I'm about to cancel though. I'm about to fall back over. All right.

You got to suck it off on there? No, I don't really like my feedbacks. You really? Why? I was just saying, you should've ain't. It feels like it feels like at this point, like in the beginning of the most two. It's like the most two.

But now it's like getting like fucking It's like 2k with the in-game fucking purchases and shit It's like makes the game now for like I want my fucking player to be good without spending right money But that is the one where people are just yeah girls are sucking off like they're cuz it's just like Yo, just what we looking for friends would benefit So I'm casual fucking spit in my mouth. I might have to get in the I might get in have to get in on field What is that is that it's a new dating app? You should be I think Thrender. Yes I was it some kinks it. Yeah

Big guys we do well look Like yo Franco you're a king Franco you are do well look. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got three fucking kids, right? And I'm stupid enough as it is. My wife quit her job pretty recently, then found her dream house from buying that for her. So now I'm trying to balance. Working, moving, parenting. I feel like I'm gonna explode and I'm going to kill my liver Well, you got any advice for me on how to get through this

turmoil in my life I know you would love you buddy. Oh god damn bro. We were just sitting here talking about having kids Yeah, this is never what kids All right, well look there's a couple things to think about here. Yes, in the moment you're fucked. Right now this is fucking horrible. But you hear us, you hear what we're talking about? We want kids, we want the fucking, you got the dream house.

The thing is, right now you are setting up the foundation for the rest of your life. This is gonna be a brutal stretch for them, right? Three kids, paying off the fucking house, all this kind of shit, moving, all this kind of shit. But that's not gonna last that long, right? It's a fucking year of your life, tops where you're really fucking hitting it that hard. So just get through it, no, understand that

this is a temporary thing. Don't let it become your whole life, right? Cause that's something I'm trying to deal with too, right? Where I'm like, I just as long as I get through this week, I'm good, and then as long as I get through this month, and then this has really become the last six months of my life, I've been like, I just gotta get through this, right? But, and I was like, oh, and I was having this conversation

with my therapist and he was like, you understand like that is, if you let it, that's just what life is. So understand that this is how busy you are, this is what your life is, and don't feel like you're just have to get to the next thing because then you lose, then you're just kind of like fast forwarding

through your own life. Or hold on to the old thing. Right, exactly. Because that's just in my therapist. Holding on to the old thing. Holding on to the old thing. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, my therapist was like, so I was going through the shit with my fucking family, whatever my dad died. And I was like in a rut. All right, P. So, right, it's a big homie. And then I was like, I was stuck. And the shorty was like, you gotta learn how to let go of what's lost and appreciate what's left.

Mm, that's true. You're never getting what life was like before that back. Because a lot of times it's like, I feel like a lot of these issues that we have where the discomfort comes from not having that discomfort before. Right. It's a new kind of discomfort.

Yeah, I mean, that's a fuck. That's a good point. I mean, like, you've never had, you know what I'm saying? It sounds like he's never had the situation he's the point. You've never had You know what I'm saying he's it sounds like he's never had the situation he's in before yeah, and look hopefully for yours It's temporary, right? Hopefully it's like you just got a fucking move and once you move Things will go back I feel like I know this guy I'm gonna lie Like I know he fucks with you Yeah, yeah, cuz he be like your fucking my wife

He's fucking kids Well, listen you also Mentioned his liver here's what you don't want to do you don't want to become a drunk over this shit unless you just want to leave in the fucking radical way. Yeah, unless you're trying to take the cowards way out. Just fucking drive drunk, drive your fucking, drive your fucking forerunner off the, off the horizontal. Don't saddle your wife with those three kids in the mortgage you fucking pizza shit. Stay the course, all right? Hopefully what you're dealing with is temper and if it's not realized that hey, this is what my fucking life is looking like now. Don't get too fucked up and understand

that you found the dream house, you got your kids, you're setting up the foundation for your life, you got what a lot of other fucking people really want. So enjoy it, put your head down and work for it right now and you'll be good to go, you fucking prick. Hit us with one more there eldest Yo is up, Savi

I'm a 23 year old functioning loser right now and I'm living on the eastern shore of Maryland Eastern shore If you're a Baltimore comic I thought you'd have some advice on track it into the. I know I'd have to drive over there, but I got plenty of time in my hand So let me know if I first someone who wanted to try out comedy, what where they go? Thank you. Oh man. Eastern Shore to do fucking open mics and Baltimore sounds fucking brutal, but you're 23 To the last guy listen to this guy's fucking life Brutal, but you're 23 to the last guy listen to this guy's fucking life

You have a wife you have children that love you this fucking moron He wants to drive two hours to do an open-mic in Baltimore city Comedy mecca Baltimore city you see how much fucking worse Some people's lives are yeah his goal this fucking kids goal is to get to Mugu B's joke house. 4 p.m. 5 p.m. He's the way from that. By the way, and you got a wife and kids, you'll be fine. Turning our attention here to my poor friend here.

The good news is you have youth, you have vigor on your side, you have the like, enthusiasm to do that shit. I mean, I'm goofing on you, I'm shitting on you, but at the same time, when I was your age, I was going to fucking Virginia for open mind. You know, I was doing so I get it. I understand that Do I know the scene in Baltimore? No, I don't fucking know shit. I'm fucking Fuck it. Come on man. I'm out of the I don't know about open mics in Baltimore. Check the fucking check stopby. That is I'm at the fucking Wilbur Theater, baby. I don't know what the fuck is going on in the book.

You just got out the womb or something. You just got out the womb or something. We sold out for it, the Wilbur. What the fuck? I know where to do open mics on Eastern Avenue. It's over. I'm way out of your league. But at the same time, I was there.

I was once where you are. I was once where you are. I was once where you are. So listen, fucking do a little research, whatever, go to DC if you have to. Definitely research. Definitely research. But here's the thing, the thing about stand up that I love and one of the things about comedy, I love is that like,

it is, it's totally up to you. Every aspect of it is up to you. And you can get, listen, you'll find people that'll help you along the way. You'll find people in your cohort, like your contemporaries, like me and my boy, PD here, where it's like, you know, you come up at the same time and you learn from each other.

You'll find mentors that walk you through that shit. But at the end of the day, it's all up to you. The work ethic is up to you. Learning how to be funny is up to you. There's no fucking class you can take. Some of them have them, but that's not... All that shit is bullshit. Unless you're using it as an angle.

As long as you're working a fucking scam on it. Unless you're using your fucking white collar scam skills to get you stage time, it's all up to you. And the truly, anytime, a lot of people ask me about it, just general comedy advice. And the real fucking truth is, and no one likes hearing it,

the only thing that's true is get on stage as much as possible. That's it. Get on stage as many different places as possible. Go to different types of rooms, different audiences, different everything. People say, how? Don't be a dick.

Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing. It sounds like, how? Why don't you tell me, sorry, motherfucker, we all had to figure it out. And that's it. There is no, there is no just fucking enrolling in comedy school.

You know what else I used to do? There was a manager at the, at the, at the spot. And I used to bring her good dive of a fucking shop with every day before everybody else. No, that's that's actually really what I like. Hey, you want some coffee or anything? I would fucking brown those, bro. But dude, honestly, being for real, no joke, being a good hang and being a good guy, almost if not as important as being funny. In fact, I would say there are people who are not that good at comedy that have

Pretty good careers because they're awesome hangout. There's a lot more people that are funny that are dickheads that I won't fuck with Then people who aren't that funny, but are awesome. I'm trying to get stave to have me open up and something They're broke because he's a good hang Yeah, he's in there, bro. Hey, cuz he's a good hang Yeah, this will be working the fucking mics at the at the fucking At the fucking W But yeah, dude, sorry do the dry it's good. It's good that you're ready to do the drive and yeah believe me. I spent Countless hours in my fucking

1997 Honda Civic that needed a fuck it. You had to jump start it every time I bought one of those emergency roadside jump starts that was just the way the car started I fucking said I don't even need your jump I just want to give myself a jump. I spent like years of my life doing that shit It's insane looking back at it now. I can't believe I did that. And when you look at starting comedy, it's fucking daunting and it sucks. But it's good that you have the enthusiasm to do it. Do your own research, figure out all the new rooms, all the other shit. But keep that and get on stage as much as possible. And that goes for everybody that's trying to fucking do it. You gotta love this shit like, yeah, because like even I think it was about a like last week and dude, I went to Woodstock. I did a few shows whatever and like

I fucking It was the first time that I had gotten compliments in like 10 years of doing it that the compliments People go, why are you not going further ahead? You're so funny, you're with the funniest one. Why don't you have your own sitcom or like a thing a festival named after you? At least that I'm like, yo, yo shut the fuck up. And that's the thing about comedy, either way it hurts.

It's like, it's not good. But it's like, it's not good. People be's like the grass and good people be like yo man I see you should be popping bro. I'm just good in Instagram. Yeah Good at social and this the other thing here's my real advice. Don't do comedy That's my true fucking advice my shit's going good in this shit sucks It's not but you like he said on some level though as much as I say that and as fucking much as it has It brings up some difficulties and all this other shit I at the end of the day. I still love being on stage

There's nothing like it and even even the for every single night on tour I'll just how many did I ever say I can't wait to do the show? Every single show I was like oh like oh, I want this to be done. The last tour. And every time I was on stage, it was fucking incredible. Maybe a couple times I filmed it in hard. But most of the time, I just fucking, you just love being on stage.

So if you have that, if you feel that, go for it. But if not, fucking go to trade school, motherfucker. You know, I can't, bro. Because that is the shit. Like, you really, like, from, yeah, it's got to be something like I have a urge to fucking talk shit. And then it's like, you know, from the hustling background, it's like you're telling me that I could, do you know what the fuckin' and like the markup on a word is, dude? Like the flip on a word, literally just like saying the word.

And you can keep saying the word, you don't even have to invent a new word all the time. You can say the same words. No, I know. And they'll pay you. And that's the part this year has gotten crazy where I'm like, I was working, I was doing fucking, I've been on the road for probably five years trying to build my shit up But you know five years ago Obviously, I'm better at comedy now, but it's like Let's say not even five years ago a year and a half ago

The amount of money I was getting paid to do essentially the same act Mm-hmm acts not that much different, you know what I mean actually, you know what once my special drops like just more people and it was like it was literally like The month a month later. I'm doing the same act and I'm making like three times the money and it's just like I'm like this That's when it feels like a scam. That's when it feels like I think a lot of it not to get too far off but a lot of it That I realized is like people are coming They don't give a fuck about your jokes dude.

That's, yeah, yeah, that's like the people that are fucking coming, like I'll be open in for a Lana, right? Right, right, right. And I realize like I'm still let me open, do like 20 minutes for her and shit, fucking 3000 people or something like that, whatever. And I realize they don't give a fuck about me,

much less my jokes, and they don't care about her jokes. They care about me. There was her It's like I get to hang out with the person that I'm I fuck with yeah, like that's a beautiful For sure become become fuck with the bull man. That's sure There's some gold cuz even on the lowest level. Yeah, if you got a few people that'll fuck with you like a bowl But at the same time I do think there is something to Getting good technically oh yeah, and just like it doesn't matter We're fucking nerds about we're nerds of course like you tell anyone else like yeah the technicalities Miss direction of the you see how I acted like and then when I did my hand like this Nobody wants to hear this

We do yeah at the end of the day get on stage as much as possible and Kill as much as possible. It sounds stupid. It sounds like it was like dumb But yeah, that's what it is figure it out kill and be not likable be not yeah be like Don't be fake and even off stage. That's that goes. That's what I mean I was thinking about that shit too like if your persona is a dick Even the best people like to me that have like dick persona. It's like it's a it's a technique like it's not just Someone being a fucking harsh dick. It it's like, it's a technique, like it's not just someone being a fucking harsh dick, it's like,

no, there's a science. Absolutely. A lot of those people are really fucking nice. Yeah, how many? How many of them are I would say? How long have been going, Aldous? Five hours. We're at an hour 48 right now.

Oh shit, okay, man. Oh, this, some of it on the page. Yeah. That's right Fuck it. I think we guys I think we gave the people their fucking money's worth P.D. We're like working the fucking people find you You can find me on IG man find me on Twitter. I don't be on Twitter But like you could I'm there, but like I G mostly P.D.s jokes, you know saying you can find me man

Google me P.D. Diablo, I got some shit on YouTube. Look for the one man show is coming out probably beginning of the year. That's awesome. This will probably come out around the beginning of the year. So if you're in New York, go see the fucking one man show. If you take if PD's coming to your city, go see it.

File, fucking give us a call, 904 800, stov, next week we'll answer your questions. Yeah, Pete, he mentioned it. We probably have a Patreon by now. The fight thing is that we've recorded a bunch of these before the show started. So we don't even know what the f**k. Hopefully the show is still going on.

But join the Patreon. Eldis doesn't get paid a dime until we make money. He's f**kin' an indentured servant until we get at least 500 subscribers. We have an orthodox Jewish loan shark that really needs his money. But that's gonna do it and listen go find I haven't been plugging my road dates. Go find me Stavvy.biz. I'm all over the place. The fat rascal tour we're selling good. We're doing lots of good numbers. Go buy some tickets to that.

Go see PD wherever. And thank you guys very much. We'll see you next time. Play us off Eldies. This is... This is... This is... This is...

This is... I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking

trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.