Stavvy's World - Sam Morril

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

Comedian Sam Morril joins Stav on the first episode of Stavvy's World to talk about his mommy issues, why standup is pathetic, and offer sagely advice to callers.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Oh, oh, oh, welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. We're back with my boy. Welcome everybody to Stavvy's world. We're back with my boy Sammy the bull in the fucking studio. We got super producer eldest Figuring out how to start the last time he fucked the well, I don't know you guys aren't you guys are gonna see these in Completely out of order, but he's figuring out the fucking you're getting your hang you get in the hang of the fucking buttons the fucking there's a delay. There's a delay The corner of the room A lot of plugs This is the problem. I don't know what the fuck I just was like I'll just hire my best friend to learn things

He has no technical expertise whatsoever, but I don't have to pay him like a real engineer This is minimum wage I run up my podcast like a Greek man runs his diner. I get immigrants with no experience who are fully indebted to me. He does have diner vibes. Oh yeah. I mean this is beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. This is the closest I'm ever going to come to a vacation I think.

That's right. This is backdrop. That's right. That's right. Nice. We got my boy Sam Morrell, you guys know him. One of the best comics in the fucking biz. And we're just... You are, dude. Oh, thank you. Come on. I'm blushing.

Just release your fucking special on Netflix same time tomorrow. So fucking funny. Go watch it. I'm sure you have already. And I'm happy to have you here. Because, you know, we're just getting started with the show. This is like our... We're gonna do like a batch to kind of figure it out. And so you're one of the guys I had to have on. Cause it's also, sometimes I know that people really well,

sometimes I don't know them, but you're one of my best friends. I know you're neuroses, but it will be fun to get in with the larger. One of my neuroses coming to a story. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the top of the list. Literally, in a taxi cab, I get it and when he goes,

not a story, I'm like, fuck you. That's not legal, dude. Because I'm not taking it. I was like, ah, no, but I'm always pumped to come. I always, I always grill you Kalamari when you come to a story. Sweet, bro. Grill Kalamari, maybe my favorite thing.

So good. If you're really a good place and you get some grilled Kalamari. Grill Kalamari, a fucking little Greek salad. You get some dips in the mix. It's so good. It's fucking a good place and you get some grilled calamari. Grill calamari a little, uh, Greek salad. You get some dips in the mix. It's nice. What's the one that's like, uh, fuck, what are the popular, I mean, obviously, Ziki. We got Suzuki. What's the other one that's like, uh, fish egg in it?

Oh, it's that one. It's like, it's incredible. That's so fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible. It's like a whipped caviar. Yeah. Uh, it's, it's fucking delicious.

Yeah. Greek food is nice. It's a great date. Look, that's a Ziki's a little whipped caviar. Yeah. It's fucking delicious. Yeah. Greek food is nice too. It's a great date. Look, that's a Ziggy's a little dicey because it makes your breath garlicky. But if you go Greek salad, little fucking grilled calamari,

it's not a heavy meal. You can still get your dick hard after that. Yeah, that's a good point. Because if you drink too much, you eat like a steak, it can really affect your penis, but a nice, right? Henry Kissinger dick.

You call it. This is a sumi, it's a lot of steak. Who fucked? An insane amount. steak it can really affect your penis but a nice Henry Kissinger dick this is assuming it's a lot of steak who fucked an insane amount yeah I'm sure it was like the fuck it was just like a fucking ugly just piece of shit destroying the third world but my man was getting pussy respect game recognized game you know we kind of look like a little bit that really good character actor

who was a later season of Frazier who starts hookin up with Daphne Remember that's what kind of look like a lot damn look that one up. I got it. I'll just fucking put get to work Man with the fuck you doing lolly gagging around Support the guest's bitch eldest Let's see how he tries to let's see how he tries to Google this Frazier actor who fucks a Daphne No, no, no, it's almost married Daphne Almost married Daphne I don't remember the late I will admit I Frazier was like a I would watch it like the way I would watch it like syndicated random ass episode

So I didn't really follow the you know narrative arc too much episode so I didn't really follow the you know narrative arc too much. Donnie. Donnie Douglass. We need a picture though. Picture eldest, come on, take a talk. No it's not, we're all fucking Isles. What the fuck is this? Look up Donnie, yeah, area is Donnie Frazier. A little bit. Okay, oh yeah, what else is this fucking guy? He's in that comb brothers, one the ballad of buster scrubs. Yes. It's kinda shit dude. Saul Rubenick too. That's his name. That's the actor. He was it. You know what is?

True romance. He's the fucking producer in the hotel room in true romance a little bit right? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah look up Henry Kissinger. Puss gets pussy eldest Not in the images But yeah Kissinger guy got his Dixx that's fucking wild but anyway real time with Bill Martin Neural no more pussy for Henry Kissinger fuck anyway yeah so we I don't remember what the fuck we're talking about before that getting how Greek is good. Yes, it's true It's true. You're right. It's certain foods like seafoods a tough segue in a vagina I don't I think it kind of get you right in there. What do you mean? It depends? I mean like what look shellfish

You think it's just punching for pussy? I don't I'm too punching for pussy. I'm my rap album That's all this is You think it's this punjif for pussy? I don't know. I'm a punjif for pussy. My rap album. What a rap to fight. Yeah. That's how this is big for pussy. He takes it out. I'm like, whoa, what the fuck is that? Just a wave, is you? Sometimes if you wear those like fucking spandex style

athletic underwear and you get a real good work on it, when you take those bad boys off, good God, you're like, God damn, my penis smells horrible. You get hit with that wave. Yeah, you kind of do the finger on the ball and then you go, you got to do the finger on the ball smell test. Absolutely. It's not good. It's no good pal. Yes, but yeah, I did, I had a lot of success with shrimp. One of my go-to's during the pandemic was Girl comes over When everybody's ready to fuck after after everybody was like all right

We've done four or five months in our homes We all have this fuck right? We were like and when everybody decided like I love my grandma But not this much not six months of no pussy You know what I mean? When it was like, the bars and shit were still open. So everybody just, you would either like go to a park, drink outside, stew pan, whatever. I would just invite girls over, got the balcony,

I would grill something up. The balcony is closed. Very nice, it was very nice. And I would, honestly, seafood was a big, I would grill some shrimp, make a Greek salad. Maybe I'm wrong in this work. Sushi is obviously like a good date. Problem I'm wrong in this one. It worked. Sushi is obviously like a good date.

Problem is, you don't know where you're paying. You go to some of these Omelette's places. Chas places. It's for a $600 bill on you and you're like, well now at least I know I'm getting late. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You owe me horrid. Yeah, you're like, I show it to her.

I go, look at that. Look at that shit right there. Yeah, you're just, you're like, wow, $623. Well, worth the price for such great company. And then you tip $10. Oh, fuck. But yeah, dude, I, no, you know, the meal is very important, but

No, steak is a dick killer for sure. Stakes a dick killer. It's also you feel dumber like I remember Jay, you just did Pittsburgh improv. I did it with JP McDade and James Webb my buddy and we the only thing open downtown in Pittsburgh was what's that Brazilian steak has? Oh, good to show. Yeah, it's the only it was our only option. So I was like, how do you feel about unlimited steak?

Yeah. Dude, we all fell dumber. Of course. It's slow down your face. It slows you down. And it's just that the fat seeps into your body, and you're just moving slower. It is really bad to fucking try and get your dick

hard after a lot of red meat. But that's why I think that's later on in a relationship what it's like, you fuck before. There's nothing nicer than when you're finally at a point in a relationship where it's like, let's just fuck before the dinner. Let's know what's happening. You know what I mean? We don't have to fucking, you know. The pressure to have to get hard after a man at a burger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean also on top of that, like I love the point in the relationship where you're like let's finish the series instead of fucking yeah I just want you to show blackbird with this girl. It's pretty good. It's like a Dennis Lane thing

It's on the apple. Okay, the dude pull up the dude. He looks like a jacked French Stewart remember I love that remember French Stewart from the course look a blackbird French Stewart remember I love that remember French Stewart from the course look a blackbird Terrence Edgerton. I think oh yeah, yeah Terrence Asian. He was in the what's what's that shitty it was the Kingsman He was great in that yeah, yeah, he looks like jacked fucking Nah, he's he played Elton John. I like that guy. Oh shit I didn't realize that maybe it's a different dude. Is that the same dude? I'm thinking of Terran Egerton might be a different look a black But you know that's him there. Yeah, it was him. Oh, yeah, yeah With the hair the hair. Yeah, yeah, look at him in the orange

Jack French stew was kind of a little French. They were going on there. It's see I've never gotten to the point in the relationship where we don't Where we fit where like I just like I guess and that's not because you know We always fuck and I don't think that's anything That's not saying like what a sexual beast I am that just means like I've never gotten into the actual serious part of a relationship You know what I mean like I've never gotten the devil I've dabbled my longest relationship was a couple years and even then it was like on again off again And so I can't energy the off again It's not come back in with a good strong

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's it will never work because there's so many like there's so many Just you will never recover from the sins of the beginning when you treated her like a diff Just you're like, oh, yeah, I mean, I guess I'll get head from her and then That's I'll never see her again and then like you're like, oh, I guess this is gonna keep happening. And then you just can't ever, it's so hard. Like Patrice had that great, you know, Patrice is hilarious. Not the guy you wanna consult when it comes to misogyny and healthy relationships with women. But he was like, yeah, you know,

you start in an entry level position, you get to 2 a.m. on a Tuesday shift, and then you work your way up. Like that's how we thought relationships should work. In my experience, it's very hard. People remember how you treated them on that 2am Tuesday shift. You know what I mean?

But you gotta be good to the late night shift too. You gotta be good. Yeah, you can't be Bezos. They gotta have, they gotta have bathroom breaks. You bring in some pizza for the break room every once in a while. That's question. You know what I mean? The late night food, but then the late night food is dangerous too,

because you order food and then as you said sex is sometimes off the table. Yeah. You the late night pizza. Well, that's why, yeah, it's nice to get it. I have had it, when I was really in the zone, when I was really in the pussy getting zone, when I'm just like, feel like fucking, I'm just like, what's the name, Dr. X from the X-Men? Professor X-Men. Professor X-Men, I'm just like, what's your name, Dr. X from the X-Men?

Professor X-Men. Professor X-Men, I'm just like, you know, I'm just like, levitating, I'm using all my powers. It's like, I'm getting pussy, and it's like, I literally will put in a fucking seamless order in like, right before I'm about to start getting pussy. And then it's like, it comes in in nice 40 minutes. And then we'll be thinking about COVID,

they don't knock on the door and interrupt. Just leave it. You just have to tuck your dick in your like underwear Kind of hide and like lean and make weird eye contact Dude a COVID they just leave it at the door. I haven't you get it. I've had to do the tuck I'm sure is look it's exciting. No the food's coming but it's annoying There is that is nice though to be to know you have to fuck with the clock the clock in your head We're two minute warning. Yeah, yeah.

This is clock management. Dude, I have had the X's reach back. You know it's doomed. I had to go from high school the day recently hit me up. And it's like, dude, this didn't work when we had no problems. You think this is gonna work now?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got real shit the deal is. Yeah, algebra homework was the biggest external thing, keeping us apart, that you were in advance calculus and I was in the dumb fucking classes. That was our biggest problem back then. Yeah, well, but I do think there's something exciting about that though, especially,

it's not gonna work, right? See, that's your issue. This is where we're different, is that like, I hear that, I'm like, some fucking pussy for old times sake. Hell yeah. You know what I mean? Let's run it back.

Let's run it the fuck back. Like the way you would like, yeah, it's just, it's the way you go shoot hoops at your fucking middle school. You're not gonna try and make the middle school basketball team, but you're reliving the glory. To an alumni game. Yeah, to an alumni game. You wanna come and get some hidden midway and jump in.

Yeah. To an alumni game. Not like you're gonna, you know, you can still hit him in the way and jump. Oh yeah, truly like an alumni game. Now, like, you're gonna get a job at the fucking high school. That's true. Because there is some like, I have this issue where I just like, it takes me so long to feel a connection to somebody into like, actually. So it's like, there's a handful of girls and it's like, and I'm friends with some of them. And it's like, I'm so happy to just be friends with them. But I will just admit there is a part of me that will never not want to fuck them. You know what I mean?

And it's been a while. It's, you know what I mean? And you have hooked up with them but now you're just friends, you mean? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's tough. People I've dated and it's like, and it's like you were paid to be at the company

and then they were like, do you want to just stay on and work here for free? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I could. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not as cool. I just, and even just like, I don't know, I just like, and even if I really fully enjoy the friendship

and all that stuff, I just can't shake that part of me that's just like, I remember that it was cool to fuck you like, and we both seem to get along, why don't we fuck again? And it's like, This is modern day when Harry met Sally, by the way. Interesting. This is kind of like the new,

because they fucked once, but this is like the fuck buddy version. You're right, you're right. And I have that issue where I'm just like, I can't see past just right now, where I'm like, we get along, fuck, we both have been attracted to each other.

You know what I mean? It's like, why don't we just fuck again? And the answer is because we've already done this and we know it doesn't work, and I'm not looking to just fuck somebody, but I'm like, why don't we just fuck again? And the answer is because we've already done this and we know it doesn't work and I'm not looking to just fuck somebody, but I'm like, come on. Let me get a little pussy.

We're having a good time. You big, come on. What the, give me a pussy. Your old pal, stop a little pussy. You know what I'm saying? But then the tough thing is every once in a while you do catch feelings and one of those things. It's positive.

When you do it too often. Well, I think that's what it is. It's like, I know that I'm not catching feelings. And it almost feels like a little bonus, like a fun little bonus. Like, I think relationships work the way like, like sometimes it's fun to go back to the, like this first level, if you're playing Zelda,

you go back with the sick bow and arrow and just fuck everything up so easy. And it's just like fun for old times that you're like, oh, I'm the new, I got all these, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I wonder how this change, you know what I mean? It's like, but that's not how reality works obviously.

It's like for some people does. Some people are like, I have friends who just like, they fuck their exes whenever they're, they both under, they're on the same page. They're like, yeah, this isn't gonna work. So why don't we, I kind of almost feel like you should be able to be grandfathered in to getting sucked off.

And that's just not how it works. But that's how my dumb brain works, you know what I mean? Where I'm like, why not? You know? I know you mean. I know. It is also like, like I'm, some of the women like, if I put someone like their mid-twenties on like,

I'm too old for this shit, but unfortunately these are the women who are impressed with my life. Yeah, absolutely. Women who, I prefer age appropriate women. Which age appropriate women are like, you're just gone all the time. Younger women are like, oh cool, you travel. You do, like you're on the road.

You have a cool life. You're on tour, that's awesome. Oh cool tour, yeah. Like, yeah, it's gonna be 14 days and a bus with two of my friends next year. We're none of us are gonna shower. But you know, it's like, they don't think it's different. You know, you just don't...

Which by the way, I do, this is absolutely, first of all, yeah, absolutely. But I also think like nice try being like, you're like, I prefer age a part of women like you're some saint. You have a fucked up like, mommy fetish. Let's go there. So don't, like you happen to have, you happen to have the thing that makes you not... The way browser history is nothing to do with this. Same on you for bringing that in. You're like, I'm not like one of these pigs that fucks young women. I like a mature woman.

It's like, no, that's how you're fucked up. I will, thank you. 100%. You know what I am? I am a demon. Yes, but I will also- You fuck some old bitches. Yeah.

Old women. They're lovely. Old, I'll accept bags. No, no, no, old women for lovely. Oh, except bags. No, older women for sure. No, here's the thing. There's less drama though. They know who they are. The young women do, there's a lot of nagging, there's a lot of games, I think.

No, no, I fully agree with you. And I guess I don't... They're insecure in their body. I think a lot of younger women, because we're comics, will do the whole like, just shitting on us all night thing. And I have to be like, hey, you know, I don't really respond to that. Yeah, okay, okay, that's true, that's true. But you do like it when women don't respect you fundamentally.

You just don't like it superficially. Because you do like a little subtle. You like it to be subtle. I mean, look, I want them to not respect me. Yeah. I want them to be below the surface. I don't want to see it out in the open. So it's not really a nagging thing.

It's like a quality of nagging thing. You want you want a woman to be good at nagging you. Not like the surface level young. It's a it's a it's a maturity thing. Well some women will just call it banter and I'm like, you just call me a loser. You're not this isn't banter. This ain't any hole. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. No, I see what you're saying. You, like, that happens sometimes where like a girl, especially if they just see you as the comic and not as a human being, they're like, this will be fun.

I'll shit on him and then we'll fuck and it'll be cool. But it's like, I hate that too. Oh, well, they don't want that. I think the show just goes all night. Exactly, exactly. And you're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm a dude. It's like, yeah, you don't get to just have the show for eight hours. You know what I mean? Like they want to just drink and you're that, it's like, no, this is the most entertaining

I can be for the whole day. I've put it all into one hour. Oh, and they say off stage are like, you're not that funny off stage. I'm like, we've been talking for three seconds. I literally said, hi, I'm Sam. And they're like, wow, I thought you'd be like funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're like, I asked you how you're doing. Yeah. Sorry to fucking put a killer act out in'd be like funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I asked you how you're doing. Yeah. Sorry to fucking put a killer act out in the tip of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know, that is fucking annoying. But I don't, I go for, see, I don't like the subtle thing. I don't like it. I'm a real like, no, I was kidding.

I obviously don't like, in actual relationship, I don't like that, but unfortunately, that is more attractive to us. You are attracted to us. I am attracted to you, but maybe that's stuff that's like, I know it won't go anywhere. And I attracted to shit, but maybe that's stuff that like, I know it won't go anywhere. And I know that there's an expiration date

on what that could be. Oh, so you're like on some level, I'm attracted to something short term. I see, you're like, it's almost like a built-in, event self-destruct button. Where you're like, I know this will eventually get to me so much

that even if I wanted to, I hit the ejector just fly out. Like awesome powers. One too many nags, you're like, that's not interesting, interesting. No, for sure, it's, no, an actual relationship, I don't like it, but I also'm not ready for a real relationship again.

I was in one for a while, you know, it's tough, you know, it's tough when it just doesn't work to kind of go all in like that. Like, you know how it goes tough when it just doesn't work to kind of go all in like that. Like, you know how it goes. Like, our lives were gone so much. Their fruitability. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then some of those first days can be rough.

I know. I'm in the same place. And like, what I like for it, like, in other relationships, I just, I like the, I don't want any strife or discord whatsoever. I want to be, it's so funny because having this conversation is so clear that we're just completely disc, like this is the most Freudian shit of all time. Yeah. Where it's like you want a woman to kind of take you to task a little bit to keep you honest,

which for me, you've told me exactly how your mom behaves. And I want to be treated like a fat little prince. Which is exactly my mom. She's feeding you grace. Literally, my mom was like fucking complete, I was like for a special little guy. I was like, she always, and that's what, honestly, that is, those are the relationships that work. When a girl just completely dots on me

and I've can't do anything wrong, and that's an issue too, right? Because it's like, no one is capable of, no one should treat you that way, and no one is capable of treating you that way, but it's like, I don't know, that's my shit because it's like even if somebody does that short term, it's like they probably shouldn't and then it's like, I don't know, I still have to figure that shit out. Dude, it's we're all dating a version of our mother and like that when you say that shit in New York City

everyone's like, yeah, but if you say to Missouri, they're like, fuck you weirdo. But like it's true dude. People, if you're there, but you know it. I mean, I used to do a bit about how like, you know, like every woman I dated is just my mom, and my mom's always like, I don't like her. And I'm like, she's you. That's why you don't like her.

And my dad would always go, I think she's great. You know? But that's really the truth. You're dating a version of your mom. I think my mom loves me. My mom is a very great mom, but at the same time like Anytime I do something like uncivilized on social media. She's like that tweet, you know, was very unclassy It wasn't meant for you mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not playing to mom

I know you know it's a different thing. It wishes. I was like a New Yorker humorist Right right right right. No, and not a stand-up road dog, you know? Right, right, right. She was, you were doing jokes about the January 6th hearings. You know, just like the most unfunny bullshit. She was, you had much more Ukraine, you know? Stand with Ukraine, humor. That's her stuff, I think, yeah. Yeah, that's it.

That is very interesting. We're all dating a version of a parent. Like, that's, like, women are doing it, like, yeah, that's it. That is very interesting a version of a parent like that's like women are doing it like you know Yeah, I've seen some of the dads of women updated. Oh, yeah, I'm like there's a reason you picked me Oh, dude, whenever I see Fathers days the best I see a fat father. I'm like noted Whenever they push the pictures like it's literally any woman who's had a fat dad or an ex had a crush on a fat boy in first grade that was so like a formative crush that she still remembers and I was like, shout out to that kid. He laid the fucking foundation for me. He's going to date with the girl and you're like is your dad by any chance Dennis from

I'm about to NYPD blow your back out It's so no, but it's so true you when you meet the parents it reveals a lot That's why it's a big deal to meet the parents like right? We're always like oh fuck. Well look. It's obviously a big deal because you're serious It's obviously a big deal because your brain, but it's also a big deal because you're like, but it's also a big deal because you're like, here's my shit. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Totally, totally. That's also another weird one.

It's like, and this is total, this is surface level, but it's really funny to meet a parent and then just realize like, your girlfriend is just the God, it looks exactly like her dad. Yeah. That's a weird one because you're like, I'm just fucking this man with a mustache, this man's face, it's just like on a hot girl's body this is who I've been I love

with there's a guy out there doing the crossword puzzle with the same lips that I nut on sometimes that one always throws me off just ruined every dinner for the rest I'm gonna meet my next girlfriend's dad and be like, she's got nice lips. Good lips. I'm gonna have a horrible dinner. I can't. I can't.

Great. Yeah. I don't know. I've only met two parents, two sets of parents in my day. How many of you made it to? I made it to a few. I remember I dated one in college and she was both her parents were psychiatrists. Holy shit, I know.

Oh my god, they saw it in the air. And this was, did you went to Tulane? I went to Tulane for a year and a half, and then Katrina hit when I was a freshman, so like I missed the first half a while. I know, and then. Tough timing. Yeah. To Katrina.

And then I went back, and then they ended up finishing in New York, but she ended up Both her parents were shrinks it was always like by the way I didn't met my biological father at this point yet so every fight she'd be like who you really yelling at oh my god That's like hi history bullshit and I'd be like you yeah Time I was like I guess it's me I'm fucked up I don't know but we'd have dinner and they would really be like analyzing me. Not even on purpose. It's just like, I do shut that shit off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the way we slip into jokes without really meaning to. It's like they, you know, they were bad people. It was just like, you know, it was just a weird setup. But yeah, I meant her parents. There was another one. That's fucking crazy, though. You don't want to give it to her. You don't want to give it to her from a 22-year-old? Well, that's who's telling it Yeah, that's what there's ones you think they have the fucking world figured out

Then you realize you're an idiot like late 20s of course, and then you become more bearable I think but oh my god college people think they fucking have the world by the balls, you know, but I mean you ignorance is blessed you you you're powerful powerful body works. Absolutely. But it is just really, because it's also like her parents were sci-fi, so she thinks she knows what the fuck she's talking about, that is annoying. It was annoying. Another one parents were, one her mom, she lives in Michigan, so whenever I play like Vueloque or something, she'll show up in the show. Oh that's nice.

Yeah, she's really cool. Yeah, I'm on good terms with most parents and exes and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's good. I mean, I, you know, I'm sure you never, not really. Because it's like, the one is a college girlfriend who I like and it's like, but it's just like a, you know, is this the one I knew of?

Is this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I never met her parents. And then, and then my most recent ex, I met her parents briefly, not, you know acts I met her parents briefly not you know I met them once and then it's funny because it's like we took we took a lot of like steps to be like you know what yeah this is serious we've done and then we just broke up in me like met each other's parents went on a fucking long vacation then we're like nah it's like we could have saved like I have to lie to my mom for a couple months now

just to soften the blow you know what I mean it's like well the fuck couldn't save like I have to lie to my mom for a couple months now just a soft in the blow You know what I mean? It's like well the fuck could we have just broken up before all this shit It would have made things so much fucking easier. It is tough when you have to like kind of soften it for you It's because the parents never get the full Oh, no and my mom has loved every woman I've dated more than me every time really not more But like has been so supportive and like want because my mom wants me to fucking get married so bad like really? It's that Greek it's like that immigrant shit of just once might me to settle down with a good, and like, I'll never, my mom meets the best ones.

My mom doesn't meet some of these hoors. You know what I mean? Like, some of these trainwrecks, my mom. Oh, yeah, or some of them are like, why do you bring more women home? I'm protecting you. I can't help but. I don't wanna meet these bitches, mom.

You know, my mom is a little judgmental. There's a little bit of judgment for sure. Yeah. She'll accept them, but there was a tough, I mean, it's definitely America got talent vibes. She's like, what do you got? Let's say, you know, it's not easy. It's not easy.

Because you're a New York kid, so you're in your mom's from Manhattan too? No, she's from Long Island. Oh, she's from Long Island. Oh, she's from Long Island. I moved to my dad from Boston. Your dad's from Boston, okay, cool. But you grew up in Manhattan, and your mom's an artist, right? She's an artist. So we're talking like Manhattan artist.

Yeah, very educated, very smart, well read. No, that's tough. Yeah, I mean, she got a classic coastal elite. You know what I mean? No doubt. And that's a good, a great person, but also yeah, but there is that Yeah, New Yorkers we have a little snobbery snobbery for sure There's well, that's it. Let's like I we you know me and eldest come from this fucking like poor ass Eastern European immigrant shit where it's like our moms were just like fucking anybody would bring in just feed

You know what I mean? Like just like, like that's the world me and all my friends come from, is the like super blue coat. Like where it's like my mom is easy. Like you have to fuck up from my mom to not like you. I don't know, you know what I mean? I'm not even able to. I'm not even able to like them, but it's just,

it's a difficult, I think it takes a minute for sure. Yeah. And like look, I rebel against that elitism for sure. Like, I'm obsessed with the road. I'm obsessed with gifting. Yeah, obsessed with, you know, oh, that's really interesting, you know, growing up and fucking, growing up on the upper east side, right? Like, that's so, and you spend your, like, I, you spend your all your weekends in the shittiest parts. I love it. I love it. In courtyard, Marriots and like, fucking Fort Wayne in Indiana. Ooh, well we fucking hit on some here. This is Stavis World.

This is Stavis world. Dr. Stavis, good man. I was talking therapists too. I'm just gonna have to send him this app. I've seen him a couple weeks and be like, give me back some notes. Yeah, give us some feedback. I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day.

I love, you know what I love, mango the fruit. I love it sweet, it's delicious. Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this actually, one time after a day, I was like, want to come back for some fruit salad And I thought it was smooth and then some girl after she fucking was like that was so weird You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time

Well, they say mangoes are an effort D. Z. X. Well, here's the thing I'll thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango. And I've oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. And I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? You know, I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, L this.

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Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. little gleam, one little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, I, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science in here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work with a new innovators on the cutting edge

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Quick and easy, Be sure to use code stav20 to save 20% off your first order. You and your partner are going to love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place.

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There's how many fucking how many parents have you met my friends? I have met I think three parents. Three. Look at you. Holy shit. I've been in like three, you know, longer relationships. Yeah. Three and they all seem to be one of them didn't seem to like me that much They were kind of elites. Yeah, they're like very blue blood Like pour up bringing your

Sun, then you were fucking euro trash Then you your grandma used to her bedroom was your living room Then your grandma used to, her bedroom was your living room. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He's not this guy's not a piece of shit. You know what I mean? This guy's a fun this guy a strong woman can walk all over Elvis and that's what you want The parents that didn't like me the relationship was like that where she was like just walking all of me And when I met their parents that's exactly what the parents dynamic was That. Hahaha. He's so good. But that the way this guy's fucking job, liberalist guy. That is like some CEO, I like some far back up in the air.

Yeah. Whatever my wife wants. Yeah. And the mom was walking all over the country. Of course, it's going to walk over here. Opia's for everyone. Yeah. And the mom was just like, you know,

she's suddenly wearing a big bitch. Yeah. Just telling her was just like, you know, she's suddenly wearing the face. She's like, I'm tight and rich bitch. Yeah. Just telling her fucking rich husband what to do whatever the point she wanted. And you can tell that's so. That's so hard. I'm so sorry.

You know, my daughters are really married like a doctor. So I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm gonna die to do something. Yeah, you're like, I'm an aspiring podcast producer. My dumb ass friend might accidentally get successful lady and then you'll be eating crow. I'll tell you the one thing it's hard is like I think some parents they're like you're a road cometh. Yeah, absolutely. My daughter's with a fucking road cometh. Well it's true because we we get to live in this bubble where it's like impressive that

we do like standups are lives, right? And we're doing pretty good for standup, right? Like, but you zoom out, and then a lot of people you meet on the road, they're impressed by it, whatever. But then you remember where standup is, first of all, where entertainment is for most people, right? Unless you're fucking super famous, or it's like kind of a pathetic thing to do,

and then you think about where standup is in the hierarchy of entertainment. And it's like for people that have like... Stormy Daniels gave it a shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we're not. It's the art form that if you get disgraced, that's the one you do.

You get caught, you get me, dude. You fucking, you hit up fucking Tampa side splters, and you put the fucking weekend, and that's like what we've been trying to do our whole lives. Our goal is there a fucking fall down. Yeah, our goal is streets from save by the bell needing to pay some paternity bills. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha It's called f***ing. That's what he does is our dream. Hahaha. So yeah, that makes sense. That's like some, some, especially if you're in that

like upper echelon of people that frankly like, I didn't fucking, I never had any kind of like, it is funny to me like super, you know, super rich people who like came from that chick because it's like that world is so far and to date anyone, not that I have to anyone in that level, but just even brush shoulders with it. I'm like, how would I even fucking, how would I like convince, like these parents, these are not the people that fuck with me, you know what I mean?

I don't know, a lot of those people are self made though, the parents, a lot of them. The self made ones, I guess that's true. I think there's a lot of people who would respect what an entrepreneur you are. I think there's, look, there's the harder shit to accept as parents right now. That's true, that's true. Then a daughter dating a podcast.

You know, like that. But I just think about it. I think of it all the time. There's tough shit out there. Yeah, with parents dealing with the other kids. But think about our shit where it's like, the like, you know, the most important pieces of art we've made. It's like sometimes I think about like, what if I have kids and it's

just like, and then I think about my mom, my mom watching and being proud of my special right, which I'm proud of all the shit. But it's great. Thank you, bro. But it's like the special was, you know, okay, we do some topical stuff, we do some fat jokes, but then it's like, hey, my family's all fucked up. You know what I mean? Everyone's a piece of shit in my family. And then there's a sex story. And then it's like, oh, I couldn't get hard during a threesome

with two random horrors. And then it's like, and then, you know, it's just like, and then it's, it's just all the- Please don't let your kid wash your shit for a while, but I guess for the internet now, how do you even do that? And then it's like, and then I think about all the back, like how many hours we've just been talking? I know.

It's like if somebody wanted to have a grudge, it would be very easy. Yeah, all you need is as Colin Quintet, if you want to cancel us, all you need is Wi-Fi. Yeah. It's easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know, it's tough to discipline kids.

I remember in George Carlin's book, he was saying, like, how the hell can I tell my daughter not to do drugs when I was doing drugs? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's tough. So it's like, I guess, he was saying, like, how the hell can I tell my daughter not to do drugs when I was doing drugs? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's tough. So I guess I would think, you know, if I'm ever a parent, I'll say, you can curse, but use them wisely. Yeah.

Don't just throw a fuck out anywhere. Sure. Make a count. Make the fuck count. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then every once in a while, you're like, maybe I'll do like a weird, like late night set type thing,

just to like stay in the not only YouTube world. Right, right. It's so easy to say. I mean, you put out a special, you do stuff that's not just this, cause man, we're freestyle in so much. And sometimes you're freestyle in these weird, you'll go on these shows and you're like, all right, we're on a Prince Andrew

and you're like, how could this go wrong? Yeah. So there's just shit like that where you're like, all right, let's see. But I think, you know, you try to be a decent person and all the other stuff, like, that's the problem. A lot of people are just like offended by, you know, silly jokes and I don't think there's any malicious intent

behind that. For sure, yeah. And I think most of the stuff out there is pretty harmless, you have it. Yeah, I think that's true. It's just funny to think about like my mom. It's like somebody, it's like somebody, your parents must be proud of like, I made partner. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's like, it's like somebody, it's like somebody, but your parents was pretty proud of like, I made partner.

You know what I mean? And it's like, it's like, it's like, well, I couldn't get, I took all these illegal dick pills, but I got a really good story out of it. And that's right off, there's pills right off my friend. But, you can't listen to the phone, he's like, these are the dick pills that you use for that, that closure and your story.

And like, they sure are. Those are the ones. Write them off. No, I'm in the same boat, man. My brother and sister are lawyers and I'm a fucking... But that's what's funny is I'm like, well, not the most successful, but like, I, in my family, I was like the first born.

I was the smart one. I was the one. And it's like, but it's like for you, it is funny to like, we both end up kind of in a similar position, but from completely different angles, because it's like, yeah, you're, you are, you know, probably the fuck up of your family when it's like, I'm probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

you're the fuck up, everyone else is like, you know, powerful New York attorney, such it like that, which most of it, were they always like growing up, were you the dumb one, or were you like I mean it's insane Yeah, it's like I mean Tommy boy to the man No, it's tough you know my sister went to Harvard law I mean it's like legit. I mean all my brother went to Columbia law Yeah And then there's me. I'm like I mean, all my brother went to Columbia Law. Yeah. And then there was me.

I'm like, I got to open my get Maui Taco together. You know? No, it was interesting. But, you know, I think you work hard. Like, there's some stuff you get from that. Like, my dad's a workaholic. He never takes a second off to this day. He won't take a second off.

And I'm like, here it is. I mean, that's me. You're an asshole. Totally. My mom is an artist, and my dad's a workaholic. I mean, that's, you know And I'm like, here it is. I mean, that's me. You're an artist. Totally. My mom is an artist and my dad's a work of a hologram. That's, you know, I'm an entertainer, but I never take time off. Sure, because I saw how my dad was. And that's like, you know, what I think you do, I guess.

And what I thought you were supposed to do. Right, right. And then, you know, oh, absolutely the dumbest of my family. To this day. Oh my God. I mean, did you ever have like a big, what was the, do you remember any like embarrassing shit

that your family like was just like shit that, was just like, come on man, why, why'd you have to do that? Or like any time they were just like very disappointed in you. Yeah, I remember the worst one. My sister was graduating from college and there was like an all you canink bar and I was in seventh grade and it was me and all the like the younger siblings were there at the bar and I was the bad kid so I was like I can drink more wine than any of you

pussy, we're in seventh grade, I won the contest but I literally, I didn't realize how drunk I was so I stood up and I was like I was like, ooh, and I fell over. My dad literally washed me, fall, just face-plant. It was supposed to be a nice moment for my sister. Of course. I ruined all the graduation photos, because I puked so much at all the blood vessels

in my face, pop. So I remember my mom going, this is how my mom would do it. There were some nights that were proud of you. Tonight wasn't one of them. I was like, ah, mom. A lair is, dude. You just got fucking wine mow. You just have like, purplish.

That was correct, purple-ass. I was missing in beers, too. I mean, we just got a wrecked, but I mean, that's how it was puking so much. 12 years old. I was fucking wrecked. Yeah, there was a lot of stuff like that. You know, my brother drinks.

I mean, my brother and I are like, we're pretty close. And like, I mean, we're going to the next game tomorrow. And like, we'll, he'll put him back, but it's a, I mean, our brother and I are like, we're pretty close and like, I mean, we're going to the next game tomorrow and like, we'll, he'll put him back, but it's a, you know, yeah, he also runs like every morning. He's very disciplined. But it is funny, because it's like, you grew up in New York and I'm a, it's fun, you've never done a cocaine, which I was just a shoe.

Isn't that crazy? Growing up in Manhattan, I knew a kid who told himself on it. That's what happened. I, I two things with Coke, I had a coach in high school who was like, if you ever do it, I'll fucking kill you. Because he was like a good guy. And he's an older guy and then fucking Buzzkill.

Hey Buzzkill dude, he was just a hammy pamphlet about like Darryl Johnston or fucking Glen Vias. Just players who owe D80s, this could be you. I'm like, I could be fucking good at sports. Yeah. And then, no, there's a kid who fucking just did a ton of blow and jumped out to like a 30 story window. Jesus Christ.

And, uh, it's like not touching that one. Damn. But you would just get drunk. Where you're not a big weed guy. I was, I was then, and then it just started hitting me weird. Like, I started having bad highs where I'd be like, the voice in my head was too real. The voice in my head would be like,

I'd be watching like a ship hell special And then be like you can't do this You think you're fucking as funny as Dave ship hell I've like I never said that I just want a career in the voice, but you you can't Like why do it if you're not gonna be that funny? I would have those thoughts and be like I got like the weed would You know, I wouldn't say it was like just anxiety was was doubt. It was paranoia and doubt. Or maybe I'm shit. Of course.

Are you an edible guy? I am an edible guy. I've been completely sober for, I don't know, four or five months now. Because I just like the last tour I did, I got so fucked up all the time. You rode hard. I did, yeah. And so I was just like, this go around, I can't do that. So I just I was like, I'll just I'll be sober I'll try and eat as clean as possible. It'll stop me from like the random hookups when you're drunk

They're like, you know, just you'll just become more More and I have been overall much more responsible in this tour. It's still not still not great because like the one thing I have is like if I'm not just hooking up is like I will break my diet a little bit He like shit on the road. What's your what your guilty? Like that you can't resist on the roads or anything. There's nothing specific. It's just like I mean the mode the Just like a nice what I've been resisting actually is like a nice pint ice cream to end the night What's your flavor in a row? You know I mean three in one night. No, no, but I mean like every night,

you can't do that shit. What's your flavors? I love, I mean, I'll just fucking go around, whatever, I'll just, I like to inspect the Ben and Jerry's. Ben and Jerry's so close. I'm a chubby, hubby guy. It's great. I like the elements in there.

They're having you on Netflix and chilled. That is essentially chubby, hubby in more digestible bites. My one beef with Chubby Hubby, sometimes the pretzels are a little too big. I love pretzels, salty and sweet. Salty sweet dude, pretzels, all that shit is great. I mean, a nice wing, a nice wing and fries. Like just some bar food,

because it just reminds me of just when the road is new and it's fun and you get free bar food, you get free drinks. Wings are tough to turn down. Wings and fries. And then you have a couple beers and then you go to the hotel, eat some fuck it. Oh, I did like beer and pizza last night.

It was so good. Yeah. No, it's the best. I mean, New York pizza, dude. I mean, I don't even think we have the best pizza. We just have the most consistent pizza. Yeah, you know, you're getting, for sure. You know, it's like, you're not going to get fucked over

for the most part, you know? But, and that's the thing, it's like, if you're, you know, you're getting, for sure. You know, you're not going to get fucked over for the most part, you know, but, uh, and that's the thing. It's like, if you're so anyway, so I've been sober and it's just like, I was, I would get a little fucked up when I was younger on the road. On the road. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it was just fun to do that when it's all new, when it's all fresh and you. Drinking on the road is, it's very hard not to drink on the road. It's literally, I'm drinking with my agent, Gabb one night, and we're just drinking natural wine. And she's like, you like this stuff? And I was like, yeah, it's good.

And she's like, we should get in your rider. So now every club I go to, it's like, here's your natural wine. I'm like, I didn't, I'm sorry. So if I'm feeling like shit, and for some reason I don't drink it, they're just like, well, I guess we'll just keep your wine in the fridge for the next person.

So if you follow me at a comedy club, Mateo Lane's been texting me, goes, I've been circling you at comedy clubs and thank God There's always Pepco Bismill in the green room My riders as you got to have the yeah anti-diarrale of course, dude at Roopsies man. Yeah, no, I mean I'm you know, I'm trying to get I'm trying to get my shit clean on the road But yeah, I would especially when I would go with Bobby and it would be like, you and Bobby is a disaster. The meals were awesome, the fuck it, and like, and you know, Bobby was a reformed pussy getter, so he would-

It's all in the food. So it was all in the food, and he would understand if I had to go get pussy. I've had some strange, I had some hilarious weird hookups, Rose, you know, with Bobby. Made out with, I was kind of in Sam Territory. I made out with an old-ass lady in Tampa one time. Respect. Yeah. Rachel gave me shit once because my phone vibrated

and it just had older woman Tampa. That was like, Tampa, that's what happens. Okay, what is the oldest woman you've hooked up with? Cheese. How much older, and you must have when you were young too, right? Yeah. When you were young, that must have been a real thrill for you. Oh yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember, this is, it was a weird one. Here we go, man. I mean, probably like early 50s, I would say. Sure. It's not crazy. Yeah. I remember when I was like really young, my friend Dennis,

he was like a good friend, maybe we'll listen to this. And his dad was also named Dennis. And his dad was, Westernon P's a great guy. You don't have to grab this story. I loved his dad. He was super funny. He was like, literally, we'd have to like pick him up from the black bar.

He was like the one white Greek in the black bar. Just mean up that, carry him out. He was so funny. And I remember he,'d take us to bars. We were kids. He just kind of get us in there. And how old were you, like 14, 15? 19, 20.

Oh, okay. But I mean like, wait a sec, I'm gonna show it. Yeah, I remember, we go to a bar with him and he literally just walks up to a woman and goes, lady, what I wouldn't give to fuck you up The ass and we're like Jesus Christ What the hell

What the hell is wrong with you And and Dennis also was like what the fuck great great pickup line And then and then the woman was like how dare you and I was like I am so sorry That's so unacceptable Yeah, and she goes finally a gentleman then she grabs me and makes that with me. And I was like, he got to give me a wink. I'm like, he knew what he was doing. He just dumped on a grenade for us.

It's like the ultimate wing man. That's awesome. He was hilarious. He was completely inappropriate. Lady what I wouldn't do. I'm like, you're not gonna do that. That's good. That's good.

That's good. He was a classic. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man, I have one friend, Adam, who always messages me and he's like a degenerate. He was a chess prodigy. He was number two in the country. He's a genius. He became a total drug addict and started, and those guys are so in their head, he started just hustling, dude, and Washington Square Park and winning money. Holy shit. You know, because then he became a legitimate legitimate the gender type of gambler that bets on WMBA Well, you're like we're like dude. This is yeah, you fucking bet on the mystic. Yeah, the Sun the Sun completely fucked me The Sun's no the kinetic it's on But it will just message me like dude. I fucking, I just lost seven grand in Atlantic City

and woke up with a crack pipe and a hooker and I'm like, dude, what the fuck? And he goes, what, I'm being self-deprecating. I'm like, that's not self-deprecating. That's a desperate plea for help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a different, still a separate gain. I guess I've gained a few, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, it's, the dentist ever hooked you up with an old lady? He just kind of set it up for you. No, he was like the set up man No, Dennis was like it also like a hilarious Phil Hanley's met him before Feels like spend the night with feels like this dude is insane like like like like yeah, lives up to that He'll be at my shows and I'm doing stress factory in a couple weeks and he'll be love it He's like I need you cuz I just met your future wife.'m bringing it to your show it's stress factory. I'm like Just sleep with them dude. You know, okay the tickets. Just do whatever you want

Hey, well listen you did dodge my question though. The oldest lady. Oh, no, I would say probably early it might have been that woman It was really 50. I think it was I think you're in don't know You got blown by thanks to Dennis senior. Yeah, yeah respect I'm trying to think of like who, yeah, I would probably say early 50s. I don't usually go like that old. Was it like late 40s early? Was it like, was it a memorable one?

Was there one that broke you into the older late? Like how did you discover this? It was just beating off. You're like, this is what I like. I think a lot of young guys are into like the milk thing. I think it's gotta be, I don't know what the numbers are for porn searches, but I would think milk has got to be up there.

Yeah, because milk is just big old titties. It's just hot older woman. It's like someone who's kept it together, who's older. I think it's hot. It feels like it's in the less drama. They seem more, they know who they are. I'm just kind of into that. Yeah.

And then just physically, I was kind of into it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. There was no one that set you on. Yeah, yeah. And then just physically, I was kind of into it. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. There was no like, there was no one that set you on the path though. Yeah, it was one. I was on a flight to Reno Nevada. And this is, it me with a baby. I was going to Reno Nevada.

And you're what, this is you're doing road work or what? Yeah, like 23 or 24. Yeah, because you'd worked the road really young. I was a to Reno Nevada. And you're what? You're doing road work or what? Yeah, like 23 or 24. Yeah, because you'd worked the road really young. I was a young road comic. Yeah, and yeah, I was on a flight. Seneca's a woman. She's super hot. How are you?

Probably mid 40s. Respect. I was probably 23 or 24. And I love that. Giant fake breasts. Oh. I'm like, Reno, this is what we came for. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I remember, we just like started chatting on the flight. What was that? What are you doing? I was like, you know, young, like, I'm a comedian. Of course, you're pumped to tell anyone. So I'm like, you know, I think she's gonna want to come to my show. She's like, we should get lunch tomorrow. And I was like, so she's like literally at, I think was the silver legacy.

You know, respect. Yeah. Which is where they shot the end of Kingpin. That's like where he where he loses to Bill Murray. That's all legacy and I caught some else in that casino too. Yeah. But yeah, remember and then we just got lunch and she's like, Oh, we should just like hang out.

We maybe we go to your room and watch stand up and I was like, Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Just a day hook up. Wow. That's awesome. We hooked up and then she's like, All right. And she had kind of just like last I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, just a day hook up. Wow, that's awesome. We hooked up and then she's like, all right, and she had kind of just like, laughing, and was like, that was amazing. Like everything about that was amazing. It was just like the spontaneous, of course, the spontaneity. Right off the

flight, you get to lunch and then you get something else. I know we did, I know we did. We were sex. Yeah, yeah. And I remember, and then I remember, she just kind of left to, there was something like mysterious about it. It was no like weird awkward lingering. Yeah. So it was weird and it was just my nervous arm. She was, she had like a crazy story too, where she just had beaten cancer or something.

And she treated herself a little young dick. Yeah. They were the more she's the more than a good for her. Reno Nevada. Yeah, that's... Silver Legacy. I remember, hey, oh, you can eat buffet crab legs on Fridays. That we can play.

Kill me. I remember my opening joke with, man, everyone wants to see fake tits and oxygen tank on the same person. I think I picked the right place. I think this is what a dump. Respect. I remember that weekend, people were coming in and and like it's like those blue-haired Methodics, no, yeah, they made you do morning radio for that gig and they didn't pick you up

You just like find the blight and it was they picked you up, but they didn't they didn't get you afterwards So I said to find my way back and by the way a fucking six a.m. Pickup in downtown Reno Holy shit, you're just dodging methods. Yeah, zombies are out there. It's it was shady. Yeah, because you know is really God damn no, thank God I never had I think I got better. I think I better, but it was I mean you were you were out there You were doing shit that it's like you were fucking working. I love my young. I really loved it Yeah, it's like I was like I'm fucking I'm a comic. No, that's sick. It's great I'm too dude. I but I was I was featuring I never really did. You were out there like, you would buy hooker by crook, get yourself some fucking gigs from a young age,

and you were headlining and stuff like that. Some real fucking off-markers. Yeah, we're actually in Chattanooga. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do remember when we first met and became friends, I was trying to do that, but I was trying to bring into like funny business and all those gigs and all that stuff and I just never did and then thankfully I never had

to it was just like funny just to pick something here. I remember writing them like angry emails like you're not paying me enough and you were just like we'll stop you. Yeah, I wasn't like you're right. This is pretty unjust. It was like oh we'll get someone to work. Yeah, oh 150 dollars for a to feature in Detroit no no flight, no hotels, not enough for you. You piece of shit. Yeah, they were, the older ones, they were nice enough, but there was one younger guy who wasn't a good guy.

Those gigs, I mean, think, a lot of those gigs are evaporating, which, you know, it'd be nice to have more out there, but think, I mean, think out of that. It's a different game. I mean, like when we started, you kind of needed to have those chops, and that's kind of how you there, but thank, I mean, thank God, it's a different game. I mean, like when we started, you kind of needed to have those chops, and that's kind of how you rose,

but now with the internet, you can kind of circumvent all the way. Well, it was already ending. Like, there was no way to just work your way up to the system, and then you become a headliner, and then you get a special, that was already kind of on the way out. But I was getting shit when they were like,

you've seen them on like Conan, I was getting a headliner, we can't even vent. That wasn't drawing. No, it's true, it's true. And you do have like, you've seen them on like, Conan. I was getting headline week. That wasn't drawing. No, it's true, it's true. And you do have like, you have like, a very last of the Mohicans type store, like, you know, a career where it's like, the your career is not that much different from like,

you know, even somebody like a tell and somebody who was like, you work your way up from everything. And you just, you got late nights and you know what I mean? Like, and you were getting shit, you got late nights, and you know what I mean? Like, and you were getting shit, you got comedy central. Like, it is one of the last few. We have help if we all want a comedy central.

And now it's like, yeah. It's a YouTube channel. The only shot is getting out of Rebunner the office. If you want to get on their own. Yes. Well, we have so much more to, we'll get, we'll pause the section with you, my friend. We've got to get to some questions. Let's do it. We've we've delved into your psychology a nice amount We'll get in there again. We'll have you back to really just a lot of sex stories

Dorino the dentist is dead this is the respect the dentist is Dennis is something I can't wait I can't wait Eldis Why don't we do some fucking calls here? Let's solve some of these fucking people's problems. What do you say? Let's do it. Let's do it. All right. Oh, you're trying to give me a method, huh? Let's try it.

What does that work say? Oh, nice. It did work. Wow. So my name is heard. No, I just give it a second. Hey, go. My name's Hurt, I'm from Texas.

I'm from Texas. I'm from Texas. Maybe it's not coming through. I'm from my girl and my problem is over. Start it over. Start it over, dunce. I hear about that. Maybe it's not coming through. It's not coming through. And my problem is, start over. OK, OK. Start over. Don't say it.

It's like, we got to fix the lag. Bear with us, folks. It's the beginning of the fucking podcast. We'll figure it out. Hey, so my name's Harry London Tech, this I'm about to maybe do some stuff with my girl. And my problem is, right, like, my poor skin is mad. It looks like they're about the rob of bank you know ballac balls on all and

I'm just trying to figure out how do I fix this shit man I know you're Greek I'm I'm sure that you're will equipped down there maybe maybe you're not willing to do how do I how do I fix this shit dog thank you well he says name was heard elders heard you've come to the right place I have the same fucked up as dick that you do my friend Sam Sam has no expertise here. They mutilated him at a young age. Yeah, the loyal got to him The more you'll snip them and suck this dick with a little wine in his mouth He's up some wine on my teeth like I was

doing below mouth. He's up some wine on my teeth like I was doing blow. And Eldis has we've covered in another episode although I don't we don't know what what order we're gonna release these in so Eldis has one of the loosest four skins of all time. Isn't that proud of? I'm proud of him. How would you describe it Eldis? Hangs off like a loose dirty sock. Wow. Like a sock you've been wearing for four days. The elastic has gone out a little bit. No problem rolling it back, rolling it up. You can cuff.

We're good over here. He can cuff his foreskin like jeans that are a little too long. That is the loose, someone like a loose foreskin. Yeah, yeah, you want a loose look. I got a tight, like our buddy here that called it, I like a loose force. Yeah, yeah. You want a loose, look, I got a tight, like our buddy here that called in, I have a tight forcekin, it is a problem, it is, it's a, I'm actually doing bits about how fucked up my penis is and I went to the doctor for a different problem,

like a urologist and he, they noticed that I have like two types of forcekin also and he told me it's circumcised and my father who never weighs in on Medical things ever he was like was the doctor Jewish My dad literally thought it was some kind of fucking like Jewish conspiracy Like circumcise everyone that's not circumcised. That is hilarious. Not a lot of adults are getting on the circumcision game So yeah, that's one way That is hilarious. Not a lot of adults are getting on the circumcision game. He does a painful recovery. So yeah, that's one way. There's gauges.

I try this, you can put gauges in your fucking dick. Like it's a... What? Like it's fucking... Like the hot topic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could, but that's a whole process. I didn't have the, I couldn't stick with it.

Does your dick start listening to Blink 182 after that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, your dick starts a pop punk band after that. You could do that. There's apparently a cream. Others have had success with a stretch out situation, a warm bath and a stretch. Go to a doctor heard. You know what I mean? Go to a urologist.

I'm guessing you're poor enough to qualify for Medicaid if I had to guess you. Otherwise, you probably don't have health insurance, but it's worth it. But here, I'll tell you what I do as a man with a fucked up penis myself. It just takes a finesse, the woman your with has to have a finesse approach.

And you said you're about to do some stuff with your girl. He said about to maybe do some stuff, which is like, has he even fucked before? That's interesting. He kind of feels like a virgin a little bit because he's like, I'm about to maybe do some stuff with my girl.

Yeah, but that might just be the first, like first time with this girl. That's true. Maybe he just likes this girl and wants to, you know. Right, right. But you're right, finesse is him. You need some clay toms and hands. He's absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes, you need her, you absolutely need, finesse is him. You need some clay Thompson hands. He needs to work. Absolutely. Yes, you need her. You absolutely need a finesse approach. You need somebody to be finger rolling your dick, not dunking it. Oh, George Garvin. So if she tries to pull it two back, just tell communication is key here, my friend. Let her know. And look, this is also a blessing in a lot of ways because unless the pussy's real good

in my experience, you wanna use a condom because it keeps your fucked up foreskin in place. Really? So it's kinda like God forcing you to not raw dog, which is good, it's helped me in a lot of situations. Sometimes I've been like, let me treat myself to a little bear pussy. And then it's yanked my foreskin back

and I've paid the ultimate price of risking an STD and not even, you know, it being a good bust. So you're in a good position here, heard? You can use some fucking use a condom, be a responsible man. Now if this is your girlfriend and you're like, what the fuck, what I get a girlfriend to use a condom for? That's a fate worse than death.

It's to use a condom with my long term girlfriend. I've been there. Yeah, that's a tough one. I've done that. I don't mind it just because I'm like, eh, I'll fucking alas longer. Sure, but it is like. If I need a cum, I'll come.

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, look, I haven't run though in a while. Yeah. But I don't do it as a single guy. Yeah. I can't roll, I'll come. Yeah. But yeah, I'm with, I mean, look, I haven't, I haven't run dog in a while. Yeah. But I don't do it as a single guy. Yeah. I can't roll the dice like that. Yeah. I wish I could say the same for myself, they're same.

Sometimes. Sometimes. Sometimes. Broke down me. Hey man, I'm sober. What do you want from me? I gotta roll the dice somehow. Sometimes you just get a little.

What the hilarious excuse for a dog to woman? I was sober and thinking clearly. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Sometimes you just listen man you finger a little bit and you're like oh You feel it in between you just feeling the outside of the sweat pants. Oh, let's fucking go I got I don't I think I got a treat myself here I might have to take a little fucking roll the dice anyway. I'm that's over though And I've been tested by the way. Thank you. I'm clean everyone So yeah, that's our advice to you buddy You know seeks a medical help and use condoms and if not, keep it nice and lubed up,

keep it nice and wet, eat some pussy, make sure she's feeling good. Because actually this is positive because the two ways it doesn't hurt is condom, so you're safe, or she's very wet, which means you're probably doing a lot of foreplay. You're a generous lover. In many ways, this is again,

like we talked about earlier, lemons generous lover. In many ways, this is again, like we talked about earlier, lemons into lemonade. Now you're a safe, generous lover thanks to your fucked-up penis. Use that. Don't just have horrible bad sex. It's like being like Pat Bev. You don't have the greatest jump shot in the world, but you become a lockdown defender. There's other options. You probably, you're probably, your penis is probably also small if I had to guess. Okay. Good luck, my friend. Let us know how it goes. Call back to you.

This is gonna be a big show. I can just feel it. I can just feel it is gonna be big. People are gonna want your health stuff. Hit us with another one there, LD. What the fuck? I got a good name. Motherfucker.

Okay. Hey, stop. I'm so glad you're doing this. So I am currently in my bathroom with the benton. Oh my boyfriend doesn't hear me. I love him so much. I do spend other boyfriends six months. How do I get him off of his abs?

See you. I love him. I don't want to be office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go to the office, I'm gonna go The fuck? Six months is rough. Six months no job and you're hiding from him to leave a voicemail? Are there other issues in the relationship? I love him so much. I mean, sometimes he's rough with me, but he wouldn't do that if he didn't care. I mean, okay, so we're gonna just hope that you're not being abused here.

Six months no job. But okay, she clearly loves, you clearly do care about him, which is I think the biggest hearing something like this, somebody telling you to get a job. Clearly, I mean, I don't know about clearly, does he? She says, how do I get him off his ass? So it doesn't seem like he's too worried about this.

No. Do you pay the bills? I'm guessing yes. She must I mean or do they do they live together? This is just like does he live somewhere else? He's just a deadbeat. She's got a life together. I mean Okay, a lot of questions. I'm unemployed for six months is a lot. I don't know how long you've been together But that's a lot that's true a lot a time if If it's at least, so you gotta think they've been together minimum a couple months before that, right? You're not gonna start dating someone's unemployed,

unless, maybe you or maybe you're... Maybe he's got some game, dude. Maybe he's got some game, maybe he's slings and nice penis. Maybe she has a low self-esteem. I think all of these are a lot of things. Shout out to women with low self-esteem. Yeah, absolutely.

You guys rule. So, okay, we don't know a lot because you were calling it under duress with the vent on. Yeah, the hiding is not a good. It's just me for my panic room. It's going to take at least six minutes to undo the locks. So there's a couple questions here, right? Does he have any, has he shown, is he like low about himself? Does he feel down on himself because he doesn't have a job? Is this affecting him? Has he been trying to get a job from, how do I get him off his

ass? None of that feels like it's happening. Right? Yeah. So, do you pay the bills? That's another one. If you do, at a certain point you're gonna have to be like, hey, I need you to chip in here, right? I will say, I don't think like, you know, I don't like the whole like the guy pays for everything, but I go in a lot of first dates, and I have not seen a woman even reach for the purse

in a long time. Just fake reach. I just want the reach. Just the reach, I'm paying. I love being like, no, of course not. Of course not. You're also robbing us of telling'm paying. I love being like no of course not that's it You're also robbing us of telling you know, I know that feels good. It does feel like of course I got this please, you know give it gals give us the reach. That's all we ask for um

But yeah, I don't know it feels like if this guy doesn't really give a fuck hasn't been trying to get a job Somebody is supporting him. If it's you, why are you doing that? What are the other, what else is he bringing to the table? My hunch is not much and you have your own issues. My hunch is you're being finessed by some dumb ass. But let's say he's got some worth, there's something. For sake of arguments, since we don't have, we know, know enough about this. Let's say he's got some worth. There's something for sake of arguments as we don't have, we know enough about this.

Let's say this is a relationship that you should be investing more in instead of leaving, like the rats on the Titanic. Let's say this is something you need to be like, you want to, you really love them. It seems like you do. So we'll, for sake of argument, after you go through the checklist, should I even be with this guy? And you, let's'll for sake of argument, after you go through the checklist, should

I even be with this guy? And you did, let's say for sake of argument, you go through the checklist and you decide, yes, I should. Um, get him off his ass. You can't force someone to get a job. You have to shame them kind of. There's no way to just be like you need, or, I mean, or given ultimatum, I mean, at a at a certain point you have to be like I can't deal with someone who doesn't work. Right. And it's like let's say if it yes I think I all my read on this situation is yes we're an ultimatum zone we're in like get a fucking job I pay for everything zone. But let's say let's just say we're not let's say this guy has been trying to get a job. And it's maybe he's beating himself up over it. I don't know what you could really do other than like trying, do you know anybody that's

hiring? Can you find, can you sit with him and go through fucking job postings? All this kind of shit. My hunch is no because you're probably working two jobs to pay for his twitch. He's trying to become a Twitch streamer and you just bought him a new gaming PC. But the directionless part of it is tough too, I think. When you just have no motivation, I think that's a big turn-off for women too. Yeah, absolutely. Except for her. I feel, look, I know you seem to really care about this person, but from what we have,

from everything we know, All signs lead to you probably give him a fucking ultimatum, have him get a job, stop supporting him, and hopefully, you know He's not a fucking baby. He's a grown man. He can get a fucking job As long as he's not struggling with like mental health or other health issues all that kind of stuff Who's just an able-bodied motherfucker? Enable-minded who's just not doing shit because somebody else is paying his bills? Tell him to get a fucker. The cripple in a wheelchair. We're like, we're like, this book enluser. Can't get a job.

And if he has, if he does have some kind of health problems, then you know, help him navigate, solving those. But it feels like they should even really be in this relationship. All I saw is that she said she loves you so much. And maybe this should end. She gets on the stovship. Though that's true. That's true.

I got a fucking job, baby. You're fucking looking at it right now. So anyway. Studio in apartment. Yeah, that's right. I don't know. Maybe we didn't really help you out, but. So anyway, studio in apartment. Yeah, that's right. I don't know. Maybe we didn't really help you out, but...

I don't think we helped at all. This was the first time. I think we just pulled a boy from the loop. I think this is really unhelpful. If he's a good guy, then you could help him by getting to the bottom of why he's not looking for things, what. But again, he really has no excuse. If he's able to body, then he's not dealing with anything, and able, you know, whatever, six months is a long

fucking time. If he doesn't really give a fuck, you kind of have to, maybe you're making him too comfortable. I don't know. If we missed on this, if he is a great guy, feel free to call back and let us know that we, that we're missing certain parts of the, parts of the parts of the

information. Maybe even when he's not there so you can speak freely. You don't have to write run the bathroom vent. There were the way you walk that she could have taken a walk. Yeah, man. No, no, he said he has a he has one of those electric dog shot collars on her. She can't go. She can't go off the premises without his permission The full-time job my friend hit us with another one L. Doe Okay, stuffy um, I got a situation I Get like uh, I'm fucking to like I'm fucking two like three girls right now and I don't know how to how to resolve this issue. No he's not. Before it goes line. Maybe he has. I have too much human

emotion to turn people down. Oh my god. How do I not want to kill myself? I mean, pause this for a second before it was into it. Appreciate it. I'm furious. Now go ahead, I guess finish it. But I'll love from Atlanta and by Atlanta, I mean, I raised this town 45. Okay, this guy fucking stinks. I got a problem too. I fucked a perfect 10 the other night and she was like, Sam, you're the best and I was like, Jesus. But it made me so sad to accept confidence without giving them. Basically, you fuck too much and you're upset that you have to choose one of the women you fuck too much and you're gonna hurt too other.

I mean, like, grow up. My cock is so good, I'm gonna deprive two women of it though when I choose one. And I have too much empathy, I'm a too much of a human being. You, I mean. This is, like, there's not a line in this, it isn't a brag.

No, this, yeah, everything about, and even his whole manner, and look, this is the first time this has ever happened to this guy, right? That's what we're dealing with here. This is a man that does not understand, has never gotten pussy at this level. You're hot right now. This is the best it's ever gonna get.

Don't think like there's gonna be a problem forever for the rest of your life. This is the only time, but in fact, he called what a week ago, this is a situation already over. In fact, I had to guess, two of these women have fallen, at least one of them is not returning your calls

by now already. Definitely not by the time this fucking episode airs. We're doing this in October, middle, you know, October 23rd. This will probably come out in like November, November, mid-November early December. Definitely by that time he's getting no pussy whatsoever. If I had to guess.

You have no problems. Just pick one. This is what this is what dating is. You got hot and you called into brag. Fuck you suck my dick. Yeah. Call back and you know what? You call back from 40 and you shot an air ball. You ain't Steph Curry. You're Seth Curry. And you're playing well. You're a good player. You ain't got rings. That's right. You are Seth Curry. And for a moment, this is like, yeah, this is like when a role player has that one crazy game. And he's like, 35 in the playoffs.

I guess I'm a max contract guy. You're not. You're exactly who you are. Enjoy while last. Call. I bet you this is situations blown up in your face Just by how ill equipped you are for it Next question, Eldis that one that one put me in a bad I don't even know how he's talking to these other check because you know he's just like baby, you know like I Do wonder how to live. Yeah, it's your boy local Baltimore guy.

I yeah, I think I'm gonna have a three-semice weekend, but I use the stuff. He's calling. This guy's out. He's doing a fake. First of all, your Baltimore accent sucks and you don't get pussy. Fuck you next question. Don't come at me with a fucking substand your Baltimore accent sucks. And you don't get pussy, fuck you next question. Don't come at me with a fucking substandard Baltimore accent. Hmm, pissing me off and you know what?

Yeah, you're Ronnie. Push that motherfucker to shame. Yeah, fuck that guy. And fuck the guy who played the fucking call. L this. Hey, hey, get what you pay for. Stop it. This is for the driver. L this hey you get what you pay for next one yeah I got general herbie and I gave you just found out what is he got blowing

up they probably gave me that I was like got the sympathy that's pretty so you know me and all but yeah should I ever tell that person that's the talk deal I'm never going to I mean I'm never going to. I mean, I don't think you need to solve anything. I think you figured it out. This is like the total opposite of the last call. The last guys, like, I'm fucking doing it. Just this guy's like, I have herpes. And I've been giving it to people.

I've been giving it to a lot of people. Should I tell them I'm not going to? Yeah, and you know what's funny, I somehow respect this much worse human being than the other guy. That's how important vibes are sometimes. That other guy. I would rather hang with this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, so go to the transcription just so I can read a little

clear because you couldn't play again i just want to hear it yeah i got you know her i gave it i think i gave it to somebody but uh...

i did i did give it to somebody and I got lit and afterwards. I think they probably gave it to me so I got the sympathy. That's pretty cool. Yeah, should I ever tell that person? I'm never going to eat. This is a gay dirt. This was a fucking rollercoaster. that person that's still talking to him. I'm never going to eat. There's the gait there's the fucking. This was a fucking rollercoaster.

I knew a guy who back in the day got so drunk he accidentally shit in a woman's bed. We were like kids. He was so drunk and then he just pushed her into the shit and was like, oh, what have you done? She was like, oh, my God. That's what you did. You gaslit, you gave someone an SDD and then

told him you gave me the SDD. I wonder if I can piece a shit. The answer is if you're actually asking a question, is of course you should to be a moral person, but it doesn't feel like you're going to man. It feels like maybe you should get on some valve track, stop giving people herpes. And then you got the sympathy for it as hilarious. So yeah, dude, it seems like you got more problems in just the fucked up, the fucked up scabs around your penis. Seems like you just got some

issues. So I would, I don't know, I would go to a doctor, I would maybe go to therapy, and I would stop, definitely stop fucking during an outbreak. But also how, how, how, how gallblers the other guy, by the way, who believed this, this may, this is exactly how a way with words. Well, is it a man who gave the hurt? I think so. That's what he said. He said, because I still talk to him. Oh, okay. There's what the transcription says anyway. Maybe it's wrong. Maybe he said them, but... Yeah, I mean... Either way...

Either way, this dude's weak in the believing you. So maybe he deserved the herpes that you gave him. I mean... That's a great possibility. That's just like a person where he's just like, maybe it was my herpes, you know? Well, then you know, uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the way the world works, dude. You might be too weak for this universe. Oh, this is with another one, Poppy. Stubby baby. My one true love. Yeah, first question. I wanted to ask, how are those rooms I gave you in the bathroom? It was the Seattle show.

The Golden Penis Envy. How was your trip. I don't remember. Probably pretty good. The actual question is, I just broke up with my girlfriend to live the Greek God life and get pussy on the side and the problem is, there's no pussy to be got here. I had no problem getting pushed on the west side but I just moved towards the inland and you know I'm a straight man who dresses like he's bisexual so I'm not looked at in kind regards here so how do I disguise myself on the opposite side of the political spectrum to try to get pussy thanks dot love you i'm so confused by all of this okay clear this is

i know exactly what's going on here first of all thank you for the streams i appreciate them so he he broke up with his girlfriend he said he wanted to go get once get a bunch of pussy but apparently moving one neighborhood or whatever moving he's somewhere in Seattle he's like i'm moving closer to inland. I can't get pussy here. So he, so he, this is a very regional question.

You know, he's asking like, how do I get pussy in my new neighborhood? Is it a woker neighborhood? I think he moved, if I, contacts clues here, he moved from a woker neighborhood to maybe a more Republican or just uptight, more conservative, traditional neighborhood. Get a fucking polo and pop that collar, bro.

Come on. I would say, first of all, moving a neighborhood, to a different neighborhood, stopping you from getting pussy means you could never get pussy. You know what I mean? It's like, it's not. That shouldn't be an issue. Anything Don Draper went to Westchester and was like I'm fun Maybe you were a little too fucking big for your bridges little too cocky coming out of a relationship thinking it was gonna Be fucking pussy galore your life and you realized the the hard fact that you're not a pussy-gator

You're not built like this. Okay, and now you're blaming it on a moving over, you know, moving a move that was three miles away. I don't know shit about Seattle, or wherever the fuck you're from. You should also understand that no one knows your dumb little fucking city's personal fucking community, different cultures. So, no one gives a fuck about Washington state.

Yeah, I don't fucking care. Like, make it more clear, motherfucker, what you mean. The problem too is you're fresh out of a breakup. Women smell that shit on you. You come, you have that desperation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh, you stink of it. You think a fish it follows you.

It's true, there's two ways around that. There's the like, supersad legitimately not trying to get pussy, and that's when they throw themselves at you. But when you're this guy who's like, what's up, you fuck, a time to get my dick sucked, or I'm a kicker to the curb, a time to get pussy, that's yes, that's not a good, that's your energy is off. Yeah, there's too much cockiness in the energy I think.

Specific, and he also says he like, you know, he dresses by, you're straight man, the dresses are fine. Specifically, and he also says he like, you know, he dresses by. You're a straight man that dresses by. I don't even know what that means. You know, probably fucking big pants, little mustache. You know what I mean? Like he dresses like, he dresses like, you know,

kind of hip, with the new hips three bullshit is, but now he's in a more mainstream neighborhood or whatever. Also, you tell me you can't fucking drive a cross town to get your dick sucked. It doesn't feel like you have a lot going on. Yeah, you tell me that women in the Republican neighborhood don't find your clockwork orange hat adorable. It's a fucking... The hell, dude, you know, you're right. There is a time when you're the sad break up guy can't get

ass. Yes. Because women want to... They're women that want to see their wounded bird. I agree with you. Yes That but that's not what we're dealing with here. Yeah, yeah, we're dealing with a man with a surplus of With undeserved confidence So look man if you really think it's a geographical problem first of all again We don't know what stupid neighborhood you used to live in what stupid neighborhood you live in now call the into a fucking local Seattle maybe it's like you left like Bush Wicken went to grammar see or some shit. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Murray Hill more

broy, something like that. Yes, you don't get that reference either. Do you? Yeah, not so fun when we do in New York. But if you can get pussy one place, you should be able to get it at the other place as well. There might be other issues here. That's that's my guess. And look, you know, like Sam said, get a polo, try and be more, you know, try and be more fun. Talk about how good the new Taylor Swift album was. Okay. And if you can't even do that to get pussy, I don't know what to tell you. Go go back, you can go back the old neighborhood just to, you know, go to some converted warehouse that they run in a legal bar and now have some fun there.

Get on the board, get your sea legs, get used to getting pussy again in a friendly environment and then try and do it in your new different neighborhood. And find quips, go to parties instead of drinking Bud Light, switch to Ampstell. Maybe, you know, have a little line dready, like, you know, Romney Karen Obamacare are the same thing. Yeah. You knew friends were going to love that. That's true.

All right. Hit us with another one. What are we doing here, LD? Hey, stop. I'm just calling because I have these big masses, mommy milkers. Tell me more. I always hurt my back. People are always tearing at them, commenting on them.

And I just need to know how to handle this. Do I get the reduction? No. Do I get any bigger? Or do I just start walking around with my top off? I think I think we greatly appreciated. Thank you so much. Okay. Bye. Finally, finally, something we can sink our teeth into. Something that's important. And look, I can't say it in more staunch terms. The Stavis World podcast is categorically against the concept of the breast reduction. You're spitting in God's face by doing that.

That's well known. That's off the table. This kind of like, you know how like a like insane pro life zealots are like not even in incest or rape. That's me with breast redogs is not even with severe back problems. It's in the front to God. You, we under no circumstances, you call me, I'll adopt that extra titty meat. I'm with you, dude.

Look, I have a horrible neck. Do I cancel gigs? No. I take connect flights. I'm going to put Win and Deanna on Thanksgiving. That's right. Sam makes it work you can to. Big breasts, what America's all about?

People would be staring at them coming from, you know, and you just need to know how to handle this. Well, this is kind of one of those, kind of one of those questions where it's kind of tough to say without a picture of them, you know, within a, in a bra with, it may be in a shirt where you can see the nipples a little bit and then also with nothing on whatsoever. So it's going to be really hard for me to comment without those three things. Maybe a video where you take them out of a top and bounce them up a little bit. Maybe that would actually really help.

Please feel free to DM me on Twitter because Instagram, all of my DMs get, I don't read, they kinda disappear. I'm getting too many on Instagram now, but Twitter still, I can still track them down there. So, you know, give me some supplementary, I don't wanna give you a, you know, an answer without having all the information, basically.

Yeah, I think it's, that would be malpractice. It's important to educate yourself on all about, and look, she called the mommy milkers. You can't reduce something with an awesome name like that. That's fucked up. Yeah, you can't get rid of the milkers. Absolutely no way. But yeah, like I said, definitely not the reduction.

Maybe we're working on a concept here at Stabby's World. Where girls with huge tits should get a cool exoskeleton. That takes some of the stress off some of the, uh, uh, stress off your spinal cord, you know, like a Gundam. That's great. You know what I mean? Like that, that's how we're going to find ourselves. You know, I was trying to change this problem and not this problem.

Your spine is the problem. Your spine is the problem. Your spine is the problem. You have a weak spine. Yeah. Instead of, you know, a reduction, a dangerous surgery, get something like spinal fusion. That's much safer as we all know.

It is so stupid, we're all just see, like just sometimes on the internet, somebody will just post like a reduction and be like, I'm so happy. And literally I'm like, fuck, fuck, I don't know this one. You know what I mean? Just pops up on Twitter, so that- All those likes are women.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a lot of encouraging dude comments You don't see a lot of dudes with the applause emoji fucking stupid It's just like someone I don't know got a surgery that improved their life and I'm like fuck fucking bitch Why is that my initial like you know? Why is my brain work that way? I will never see those breasts our childhood. It's a gift It's literally like when you know a guy who's great at basketball,

and he didn't even try to make the end. Yeah. Yeah. Elders was six, six, didn't even fucking try and play high school basketball. I was out there five, seven, getting cut every year. Elders fucking didn't even bother. You fought.

They tried too. They really tried to get me out there. I really should have, because the team was so shitty It was like an art school. Yeah, I probably like could have done decent leave and like just not being an athlete at all Yeah, you would have never what I just never did it. No, you were too busy reading Madame Bovary I'll just love that book in high school Remember that one It was fuck you. You should there. Oh, Global. Yeah, I remember that shit. Yeah. All right.

I read and annotated it several times. I was close to reading that shit. I'm gonna go ahead and say, I don't think you would have been good in this team. You're the only school. So that's for our friend with the mommy milkers. The M. Emma's for further information. One more here. I'll just where we at time wise. We are at 125. Oh perfect. Let's do one more. I don't want to keep Sam. I'm having a great time.

Yeah, I'm having a blast. Yeah, let's do another one we got we got a nice one to to play us off. Hey Stavvy this is Cameron from Colorado long time listening first time calling and I'm having a bit of an issue meeting girls I know that that's a pretty common problem but but I just want you to put on how I can find things to do to meet girls without just going to frat parties because, you know, ethically I'm against them. I don't know. It's crazy to me out.

So I just made a contact. Yeah, I'm 19. I'm in college. It should just be shooting fish met a contact. Yeah, I'm 19. I'm in college, you know, it should just be like shooting fishing a barrel, I know. All right, buddy, don't fucking. I don't know, I just, I like to try to be like, you know, inspired by you, I've tried to be kind of a little, a little slut, you know, and good.

I just can't with online dating. I get like, I get like, I get messages, that's not the problem. I just can't like make a connection. And I kind of need that. And so I've been trying to think about like ways I could meet people in real life. It's like impossible to talk to people in class, like seriously, especially after COVID. It just feels so weird, I think and

You know, I'm not getting invited to many parties Especially I don't want to go to any frat parties. Okay, we've met you know, I just couldn't watch Maybe clubs I just Well, I feel like You want to make a connection at a fucking club. I don't know. Just any ideas. And then you just general advice and give about it.

I just a lot. And I know like people say to join clubs, I just, I, there's none that like interests goes out for three hours. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In some kind of like lie. I don't have enough.

Just. Okay. Yeah Kind of like lie out and hot enough Okay, this is a lot easier and Congrats on the way by the way I know it's like I lost about 70 pounds There is fucking is This is one of the most classic I'm like what the fuck is going on here? What is either you're a fat kid who never even believed in him. Oh, a fresh, a freshly not fact kid. He's in his head like a lot of times. You're sowing your head.

That makes it all, that makes it so clear what's going on here to me. Because you probably, so you lost 70 pounds, you're 19. You gotta cut some fat off the voice messages. Yeah, yeah, trim the fat. You did it off your body, now do it off your fucking voice mail. Hahaha.

But this is so clear, this is such a clear phenomenon of the former fat kid, which is you don't even believe in your current body. In your head, you don't, he's getting matches, he's talking about he needs to make a connection. This all comes from a self-esteem. And that is difficult, it's hard to get over with that. But you still have that, like, you don't feel worthy,

you don't feel like you should be getting this attention, you're getting these matches, and you're making a lot of fucking excuses, I hate to say it, but I'm gonna be, I gotta be stern with you right now, because you are standing in your own way. I think a lot of the stems from the, you know, your prior insecurity, you're also a 19 year old kid,

that's a tough age to begin with. It is. Let alone making this big jump in your body where it's like, you know, didn't get pushing in high school, no question. Didn't even sniff getting pussy in high school, right? Like, fat is shit, no confidence. Now, you're a piece ass, you're a 19 year old piece ass,

you're right, it should be like shooting fish in the barrel. The problem is you're not, what's going on is you're just taking the bullets out of your own gun. You're just pointing at the fish and you're like, uh, that fish, I don't even know that fish's siblings names. How can I shoot it? You know what I mean? It's like, just go out there and start fucking a little bit.

Start, you know, you get these matches, right? You say you can't make a connection. It's not, what are you waiting for? We're not, this isn't the fucking romcom. There's not going to be any meat quits. isn't a fucking rom-com. There's not gonna be any meat-cutes, all that stuff that shit is fake, right? I do like a club idea, but even that, you're poo-pooing, right? Baby clubs suck, dude.

Those are your fellas clubs. I think what he means is club activity. Oh, I'm so interested. Which is like, if he was being real about this, because here's what I think. I think the connection thing is kind of an excuse he's hiding behind where he's getting these matches, he's getting the opportunity to interact these girls,

but he's like, well, I can't really make a connection online. And then you're like, okay, we'll go meet a person, then go meet a girl in a club that you like, go join the movie club, do whatever. And he's like, and he has some excuse about that. There's nothing that interests me. Nothing interests your mother from. Do you have no passion, find a fucking passion

before a partner? Yeah. That's true too. You know what I mean? Like, these talking to women in class, that's tough, I get it, that's a tough, because there's like almost like a creepy vibe if you're too chatty.

You kind of have to, like you've seen that dude, he's like, what are you doing this week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. of have to, like you've seen that dude, he's like, what are you doing this way? You can be like, leave her alone, dude. But here, but truly what's happening here is, you're just at a point in your life where you have to put yourself out there. He never did, because he wasn't, he was insecure, especially with the weight before.

Now you have some weight loss, you don't know how to adapt to your own body, and the reality is, buddy, this shit how to adapt to your own body. And the reality is, but these shit is just going to be a little painful. You're going to swing in a miss a couple times. There's a girl I was in love with in college. I would walk, you know, we were in the same class. We hit it all, you know, we'd get lunch. I'd walked her to the thing. Never made a move. She started dating one of the dumbest people I've ever met in my life. That's tough. It was a tough one. There was a good college. I had a crush. I remember when I just didn't have the balls.

It was in class. Exactly. I just like, I can't. I didn't want to be like a annoying. Of course. I remember the thing, well, it means she's really fucking cute. Yeah.

No, and the thing is, you're going to have to fucking fail. You're going to get kicked in the teeth. It's going to be fucking embarrassing. You're going to want to fucking kill yourself. You're like, you're out of embarrassment. But that's fucking life, bro. And my homework assignment to you is, you're out of embarrassment. But that's fucking life, bro.

And my homework assignment to you is, go on a couple dates, make this, even online. Force it. You're not gonna wanna do it, just go. You never know what's gonna happen. Builds character. Builds character. Do go take that you're saying you're getting matches.

Don't go to these frat parties, but do it. And listen, join a club. You say you don't have a fucking interest. You find some that you're even halfway interested in start chatting some people up. That's my advice to you. Believe in yourself a little more, take some risks, take some chances.

This is the time to do it. Believe me, you don't wanna be looking back on your life as a 26 year old coward who didn't get this out of the way in college. You don't want to do that. True. There's plenty of people that do that that just like, this is the time to do it. I will see you through it. Call back when you've done it. Call back when you've even asked a girl out and we can give you more support. But that's what you got to do. There's no way around it. It's going to be fucking horrible. And the good news is you are like the negative

self image you have of yourself that's kind of tied maybe to what you know, your old weight, what your old weight is, that's, you know, that's not your, your hotter now, which is it's unfortunate that people treat fat people bad in this country, but they do and guess what? You don't have to go through that anymore. That's a positive for you personally. So get out there, you're getting those matches, put yourself through it, fail a couple times, and you'll be better for it 100%. Failure is not an option, you know. I mean, sorry, you have to fail sometimes,

not try and just not an option. Not try and just... Gustaf LeBère. Yeah. Now you gotta get out there and just, it's okay. Failing's great for you. Absolutely. It's the best. Michael Jordan fucking got cut from his JV team.

Classic. And I've said it before on the old show, on the old version of the Stabby Solbshire Problems, the road to a W is littered with L's. And that's the way to look at it. How many times have we bombed between us in this fucking room? Constant. Like that's how you get good at it. How many times have we bombed between us in this fucking room, constant? Like, that's how you get good at anything, it's failure.

And the load of a W is littered with smells. Yeah. Also, new stuff, look there, another clue. He should try annotating Madame Bovery several times until he gets pussy. That's true. Yeah, it's so funny that he lost the weight. And he's like, why is it my life like project X now?

Like, he's really, he's gonna be pounding pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't happen that easy, buddy. We believe in you though. We know you're, we know you're gonna fucking do it. Please call, that's your homework assignment. Can I say one thing with this guy? Yeah.

I think he over thinks stuff to the point that it's probably hurting them with women. I think women can tell when you're in your head like this, play mysterious a little bit, play cool a little bit, less is more sometimes, you know, I bet this guy talks too much. When he talks to me. I mean, honestly, everything he's saying reminds me

of me when I was like 19, except I hadn't lost the weight. I was getting fatter in college because, but bro, you give me that unlimited meal plan. You give me that fucking, that UMBC dining hall was fucking good dude, they had some good shit over there I got I got fat as shit in my freshman year of college. Oh dude Tulane had gumbo. Oh, yeah, fucking Easier to become a piece of shit So yeah, I he definitely over things things. I'm an over thinker myself

But the thing but what Sam said is very correct less is more sometimes But what Sam said is very correct. Less is more sometimes, just fucking, and you're more in, you're thinking about this way more than the girls you're talking to or thinking about it. That's for sure. That's your homework assignment. Go on a couple dates, you're getting these matches, stop hiding behind you need a connection.

How would you know you haven't gotten pussy yet, motherfucker? We know you haven't. I could tell by, maybe you did once by accident, but the point is, just fuck it, you gotta put yourself out there, you're just scared of failure, you'll be, but your job is to, in fact, call us back when you've gone on a couple days,

but also call us back when you've gotten rejected a couple times. I wanna hear about those, okay? We can empathize with those. Hey, I'm a chest, my friend. I know, it's good for you, It's tough. You're at a tough age But you'll be a better man for it eventually So calls back we want that and thank you to everybody who called in keep the fucking call you know what we need to be doing

Elders I need to what the fuck is the number call call is it 904 800 stav that's 904 800 stav Call us at 904 800 stav. That's 904 800 stav. We should be doing that in the beginning of the episodes. We're learning from the graphic too. We'll throw up a graphic and we'll also maybe do like some pre-recorded beginning shit. We're learning here folks. This is the fucking ground floor of Stavis world.

Sammy, thank you so much for fucking doing this. Another man, it's another man. one of the early apps, man. What do you have anything people should go watch the special? I got I got a tour of theater tour, just like you, buddy. We got the, uh, uh, Stardinon, uh, January literally every city. If you have a city, I will come to it. I love it. Sam Rell dot com slash, uh, shows. And I got the bodega cat whiskey that I brought you.

I mean, I mean, all you think of it, I know, bodega cat whiskey dot com. It a bottle. Let me know what you think of it. I know. bodega cat whiskey.com. It's really good whiskey. You're gonna let you're gonna fucking love this one. I can't wait. I'm Brett. I'm once I'm staying sober until the end of this particular tour.

Once I'm gonna smoke a joint and drink some bodega cat the right as soon as I fucking end the tour. But yeah, I'm on tour as well guys. The fat rascal tour. I'm, I'm on tour as well guys. The Fat Rascal tour. I'm coming all over the place as well. Stavvy.biz, eldest will be there. Selling fucking merchant shit, hanging out, working the cameras.

Don't look him in the eyes. I can disrespect eldest, you can't disrespect eldest. I'm, thanks guys, we'll talk to you soon, bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of

the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb.