Stavvy's World - Sarah Sherman

Episode Date: May 8, 2023

Sarah Sherman joins the pod to discuss the origins of Sarah Squirm, her deep-seated fear of intimacy, her avoidant personality, Brendan Fraser being a hottie in his prime, worrying about dressing that garish after turning 30, and much more. Sarah and Stav help callers including a sensitive little guy who used to be able to last longer with his girl, and a wife whose sister cucked her husband's best friend.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Welcome everybody to stop this world 904 800 stop We'll solve all your problems call in Very happy to have Sarah Sherman in stop these world. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me of course It just yeah, you got you get the fucking standing. Oh We got super producer elders wearing a loud garish shirt just for Sarah The camera going right here. Yeah, he's got the albacam. You know what the fuck we do. We got high production value here in Stavis world. I literally would have worn something to match that. Like I got a vest with a bunch of playing cars

on it. I have my dice earring that I got in Vegas. I know I was looking for like my most garish thing. I was like, does this even make sense for her? Does she, would she wear something so figurative? But clearly, that is sick. I love the teddy bear. My dad got this for me. That's a good look. Yeah, and there's teddy bear, the back. That's a great look. Now when did this dressing stupid start, would you say?

It always. Always? Yeah. It's like, I remember in middle school like I would go through the I would like not get parts in the plays or whatever so I would be at play rehearsal yeah yeah like with nothing to do so the like old weird lady who did the costumes for all the plays will let me go through the costume causes oh wow so I'll be like rolling through middle school wearing

like a hoop skirt from like, you know, a Shakespeare play. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. Oh, wow, interesting. So it's like, it's a, because you weren't a good child actor, you developed a distinct sense of style. I want, we did a musical.

You're the lead nook LaHoma in seventh grade. You're the time. Yeah, you're fucking in jeans right now. Yeah, you're good. You're doing chugging. Yeah. Yeah, you're watching the office. You're having fucking pumpkin spice lattes right now.

And look at me now. Still drinking pumpkin spice lattes. But does it look like a schizophrenic homeless person? I was trying to like, actually, maybe you can help me with this. I did show last night. And I was trying to like, actually, maybe you can help me with this. I did show last night and I was trying to do, not the brag to show last night. Nice to do. And I was trying to do a joke

because I just turned 30. Happy birthday. Thank you so much. And I was trying to do a joke. Like I was dressed like a, you know, like crayon or something. Sure, sure. And I like on the bus ride to the show, bus ride because even though I'm on TV,

I still like, I'm just like you people SNL don't pay that good folks That's the dirty little secret You guys are paying me like eight thousand dollars Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're matching your rate. Yeah, we're matching your rate Well, I like I was trying to think I'm like I'm 30 so I can like, I know that I can't really like dress like this for much longer. And I was like trying to think about that. But you're on TV, so that kind of does it?

Yeah, you get to be people, people give you credit when you're famous, even when you don't deserve it. Like they're like, oh, that's how they behave, but you don't, obviously you know that you don't have to and you shouldn't, but you get, you get a, you know. Like when I sit on the train looking like this, I know that I am perceived as like a crazy person

on the train. Right, right, right, right. Well, I don't know. You have like, you know, the mallet, the mallet, Jewish features. They're like, it's a bitch from Brooklyn. That's what they're saying. That's true.

That you own like a little, like a little, a shot, like an ethical coffee shop. But, and by the way, I just want to, I have had this haircut for 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do want everybody to know that. They're stealing your shit. No, I just, I'm just saying I just want,

I don't want anyone to think that I moved to Brooklyn. I do live in Brooklyn, cat-to-the-back. I live in Brooklyn. I don't want people to think that I moved there and had this haircut. I've made this bad mistake. You know what's interesting? You are really like, you're they them core.

It's like, it's like you are, you're she her, as far as I know. I'm here, you're loud and proud. She's proud sis. Yeah, it's about time. You might be the weirdest like cis rights person. The most colorful, you know what I mean? I've been trying this joke on stage

where I go straight power and I hold like this though. And the way, and I'm like, well, I look like this when I'm like, the joke is that like whatever I look, you know, whatever. It's a really good joke, but I'm not gonna tell you if you can pay my guitar. And the chill that runs over the audience, I thought I could kind of like get away with it.

Well, in a weird way, when you're doing it, it's almost like you're doing they-them-face by doing straight power. Well, I don't have to. But you're grandfathered in, as far as I'm concerned. As far as I'm concerned, you've been dressed in. You've been dressed in. You've been dressed in, as well, a little bit.

In what sense? You know, you're just like, you behave strangely. You comport yourself in a bizarre way. Yeah. So in that way, you are like slightly infringing on, uh, they, them to, uh, Oh, you think so? I think I do a very, I look,

I'm not gonna see here and say, I don't look stupid. Absolutely. I've looked stupid. I can't believe you got a tooth. Yeah. Sorry. Why did you get a tooth? Just because at a some point, you got to get a tooth.

Which one was it? This one? That looks normal. I know. Why did you get it to just because it at some point you got to get it to This one that looks normal. I know I there's enough of me that doesn't look normal You know what I mean? Like if you I know that no tooth was awesome don't get me wrong and I wanted a gold one But it was too fucked up like the the implant had to be a special shape because my mouth got all fucked up From losing to you. Yeah, you're not supposed it turns out you're not supposed to have no tooth for two years Sure cuz then everything kind of like shifts exactly. I have a latent paranoia or I don't I am constantly feeling like the teeth They're moving around inside my head. Mm-hmm. They were a little bit. They are a little bit But a little bit until you couldn't tell but I feel like I can feel it happening You can feel like I'm so tense all the time that I'm constantly like clung

That's possible you seem like a pretty like hot hot I'm sure I'm sure we Do you smoke? Do you smoke weed? Sir, you learn them like just a little bit? Oh, is it too far? I don't want anyone here what I'm saying I can't see your face Yeah, yeah, just don't want to come.

Come on, bro, you're fucking. I want to cover my glory space. Show business, Sarah. I know. And we got to tell you what to put the mic. Oh, no. And do you see my posture and my hat? Yeah.

I think I feel like he shies it. I told you, turning 30, like sent me into a crazy tail space. Why do you think that is? I don't know. It's just like the crawl towards death is kind of, I'm experiencing that in an interesting way. Yeah.

And as, you know, my birthday party that you actually did not come to, you actually texted me. I'm never, I would never come to the last time. I told you, I hurt my neck folks, you know, I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get strong. And I hurt my neck lifting weights. I was trying to get too swollen. And I had a fucked up nerve in my neck.

I went to the doctor. Oh, it was nerve. You just say nerve before. It's a trap issue and and I had a fucked up nerve in my neck. I went to the doctor. Oh, it was nerve, you just say nerve before. It's a trap issue, and it fucks up like a nerve in your neck. I'm going to physical therapy tomorrow, in fact, so. It's not bullshit, I'll show you my doctor's note. I mean, it's like, like, you know, like do stretches like that. I do have to do like this, it has to go like this for like 15 seconds.

I don't like this. The physical therapy stretches are always funny. They like give you a rubber band, and then you have to kind of move a little bit and you're like, this can't be anything right? This is good, anything. And then you do one thing and it feels like you're about to come.

It feels so good. You're like, oh, fuck my neck. Like, you do nothing. And then you get kind of hard. And it's like literally the last, I fucked my shoulder up the last time I went to do PT. And I was just getting like an awesome massage from like an old,

and that's covered by a health insurance? Yeah, I had like four, I had medicated the time when I was broke or Medicare, which I were working. And look at him now folks, he's got his own Greek restaurant. I think covered four sessions, not enough to heal you, but just enough to kind of make you know what it would have felt like if you could have gotten

fully healed, like a little taste of, but this guy was just giving me such an awesome massage that I wasn't hard but I was like in the place where I was like pre-hard, like I was relaxed, I would have been ready to, like if he left and a hot girl came in, would have been awesome. I, sounds like you're going to be in physical therapy for the next like two years. Haha. Not to brag when I was in Vancouver recently. I know, I know.

I was in Vancouver. I know you're like touring stuff. I can be international as well. Vancouver's gorgeous. It's really cute. It's a great place. A lot of fucking, a lot of nature. Great Chinese food.

Really. They just got Uber. You don't have any Chinese? No, but I did wake up. Listen to this. woke up 8 a.m. walked to the water and saw a sea plane. Wow.

Can you believe that's the little things that I'm doing? That's cool. That's cool. Like a sea plane. Yeah, yeah. But I got a, I did the thing where like my flight was at like midnight, but they wouldn't let me check out of the hotel. I, I tried to get like extended, whatever at the hotel.

So they check out. But they were like, no, you gotta leave it noons. So I had a walk around Vancouver with a bag like all day. What, you go up to a guy at the hotel, but they were like no you got to leave it noon So I had a walk around Vancouver with the bag like all day like until I Just didn't want to be a bother I was walking around all day like went to like two movies didn't know what to do and then I was like Oh, I guess I can like go to them get a massage or something and in Canada when you get a massage They have to jack you off Well, cuz because they go sorry.

And by the way, every sorry joke in Canada doesn't do well. They don't like that. I thought my big opener was gonna be like, I look like bubbles from trailer park boys and everyone's just kinda like, huh? I thought those gonna like slay the house down boots. Yeah, that's just like an obscure sitcom from there. Like, maybe like you talk about wings or something here. I mean, it'd be like you talk about.

I thought talking about trailer park boys in Canada would be like making the office joke or something. No, no, no, that's a definitely, that's like a, that's like, mullet haircut. Like that's in the community of people that look stupid. Trailer park boys is like friends. But most normal people do not watch trailer park boys. But don't you think in Canada, it's like the thing?

I don't think so. I guess not. Look up most popular, popular, sick, competent Canada. It's probably some bullshit we've never been heard of. Oh, you can look at it on the TV, where? But I went and I got a massage in Canada and they're covered by health insurance in Canada.

Whoa. Like a fancy massage is like considered. And it's, it's- Like with a diffuser, like essential oils and shit in the background? Yeah, it was the whole thing. Spa, set up. It was the whole, and then you check off a thing

on your like form, like, oh, like whatever. And I was like, so are you giving me diet, root beer, and it's giving me crazy burps today. It's good as fuck. We're still trying to get sponsored by NW. How do you have to ask? You would think that they would, I mean, isn't this the most popular podcast in the world?

Yeah, we're getting there. Not how popular is trailer park boys in Canada and Motherfucker. What's the most popular sitcom in Canada? Well then you get like a subjective angel. Letter candy, Kim's convenience, working miles. These are like listicles probably by American. So that's true. It's hard to really gauge like, okay, okay, whatever. Who gives a foot? Like do you know like, okay, the point is Sarah bombed in Vancouver. I got it. It doesn't matter. When I was in Vancouver, the green room to my show

was like a curtain in a corner, you know what I mean? In just in the room. Just in the room. If I had to use the toilet, I would have to be with the common people, you know what I mean? Like rough it up with the rough, you know. Your fucking clown shoes are tripping over all the chairs.

That's the thing. Yeah. And you know it's me and the dogs, my little clown. Yeah. Yeah, it is me. They just see gold, gold, the sequin overalls on the floor. They're like, oh, Sarah's shitting in here before the show. 100%.

And then some girl actually tweeted at me after one of the shows. And I was like, I think there was Shitty Maxi in it. And I was like behind a napkin on a string, like it wait after the show. And I could hear people outside the curtain being like, Sarah, Sarah, come out. Oh, that's horrible. And I was like, I was kind of like huddled up in a corner,

like kind of like waiting for everybody to leave. And like, that's atrocious. They will find you. There's gotta be another room that you can go to. The venue fucked up. Well, drag them, snag them. I'm not that, I'm not that, like, I can't do a stov cell out big Caesar's palace.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're coming to Caesar's palace real soon. I mean, all this is going to be doing magic. You know, this is going to be doing fucking a sick, fried anddin'-roy shit. I've been begging Saova to do an Atlantic City show. It's like really, it's been a lot of Atlantic stuff. I'm dying to go there for a comedy.

He's got his voice. Him and his boys used to take, because he's got a B-group of friends. You know in Seinfeld where there's that bizarro episode? He's got that kind of, because we grew up, we have like a group of best friends. It's probably like, you know, we call it the four skins because we're all on circumcised.

And at any point, we do, that's right. And at any point, we can get four of us. My brothers can come in. We have my old college roommate. We have our best friend from growing up, his codename for the podcast is Big P. We don't want to give out his real name. Okay. But anyway.

And so you guys haven't had your saddened return, where you had to repair yourself and kind of like grow up. I think we've got, I think this is it actually our saddened return. But he's got a group of circumcised friends that he also hangs out with. One of them actually is uncircumcised. Wow. Yeah. Is there a bunch of Jews? No, not just.

It's disgusting. No, it's an opposite. It's like central Pennsylvania people. Yeah, even wider than, he used to go even more gentiled than Europeans. But anyway, eldest has his bizarro friend group and they would take like Atlantic City trips. And it's like four guys in a room, two queen beds.

Dirty carpet. If I bring it back this summer, I could go last year, but I'm mitching to go back. I'm feeling lucky. We're just doing a show in Atlantic City. It would be a casino, right? Probably. Come on, let me, I'll open.

Yeah, that would be fun. I wanted to do it. Atlantic City is so bad. We're looking to it. We're looking to it. We do have to go to Atlantic. It's also close and it would be fun. Oh, yeah, I wanted to do it. I wanted to see so badly. All right, we'll look into it. We'll look into it. We do have to go to Lenny. It's also like close and it would be a funny weekend. Good content, baby.

We could drive. We could gamble. Although they don't let you film in casinos. Because it's like two different. They're like, we know that it's too dark in here. Like, you know, it's too present. They don't give a fuck about that. They like that.

They love it. The darker the better. The more the more money's going in, they just don't want you to cheat. Like if you film it, you can watch the dealer pick up on there. You know, I had never been to Vegas until recently I did a show in Vegas. Hell yeah. How, I think it was the best, it was the best weekend on my life. It was awesome.

You know what that is? You have a very fit, you would definitely fit in Vegas. Well everybody's like it's nasty It's girls like what are you talking about they've got Paris inside? I also love the fucked up the shitty part of Vegas to like Fremont Street I guess the downtown. Oh, it's like circus circus I got my keychains. I got a little fake license plate this big. This is biggest all shiny Down one. There's a clown one that. Is that circus circus?

Maybe it is circus circus, yeah, yeah. Oh wait. It was a giant clown. Yes, that's circus. That's circus. Apparently there's a great steakhouse there. Oh, I know. Somebody told me circus circus has a great steakhouse.

You know I've never been to a restaurant and been like, I'll have a steak. Wow. You don't seem like a big red meat. Actually, I'm very low in, what is it? Iron. Beat 12? No, is that what you get from red meat. Actually, I'm very low in, what is it? Iron. Beat 12, is that, no, is that what you get from red meat? Yeah, iron.

Very low in it. I'm not vegetarian, and I'm not vegetarian, even though I have amolates. I'm not a vegetarian. Everything about you is non-binary vegetarian, you're lesbian and you're none of those things. I'm actually none of those things. I think it's like important to have straight represented.

We can't do that. In the fucking, just people that look stupid as shit. It's like so normal. Yeah, you grew up in Long Island, is that correct? I grew up in Long Island. And now I moved back here like a year and a half ago, which is why I was telling you, like why my parents are at my birthday party?

It's like Sarah lives here now, we got it. Which sounds like it was huge flop. It was a flop. It was just like, like, why are my parents or are at my birthday party? Because it's like, Sarah lives here now, we got it. Which sounds like it was huge flop. It was a flop. It was just like, it was like so long. No jokes, no che. No jokes, no che. No, actually, this show, it was APM, my mom goes, I wrote on the flyer APM, and then my mom goes,

where is everybody? And I just immediately, my body downloaded the information and said, you will have a panic attack now. And it was just like was just like literally off to the races like I was on Mars for the whole rest of the for five hours Was not the body was not like the the plane was on the tarmac, but the pilot was was in Atlantic City Denzel and the pilots Denzel and flight Yeah, just getting fucked up getting some pussy in this hotel room. Yeah, that was me. I was getting mad pussy in my room.

Then I'm on the next day, he goes, Sam, did any celebrity show? No, stop said he broke his neck. Yeah, your parents are big stopheads. Honestly, I think my parents would really like it. They should go to, like you got to do a show at governors. I'm doing a show at the Paramount long-end. I'll give your parents take it.

Damn dude, you do like crazy rooms. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Things are going good. Things are going great. Hey listen, tell the Sherman's, they got tickets if they want them. So I'm like, this is from this root beer. Do you want to do the show actually, if you're probably working? One. I don't know, this is from this root beer. Do you want to do the show, actually, if you're probably working?

One. I don't know. We'll look it up later. I would love to. Yeah. And I would bring out a squad. Yeah, yeah. It's like you put 20 seconds, I think. I'll do. Yeah. And that's like a 1,500 person room.

It's pretty good. You're just getting 1,500 people from one room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bunch of your fucking Hebrew school classmates are going to be there. They're big stuff. I wonder how many people from my past are gonna come crawling out of the world We're being like who've never said anything to me YouTube It's a podcaster is it just a YouTube video?

Yeah, you're like a mogul. Fucking podcast. I'm trying to be like, videos clip. I'm trying to be like, p-diddy, dude. He's got mouth to feed. I know, I got an almanian on my fucking payroll. I thought this man knew nothing before me. What would you say your job is?

Like, I'd official title. I don't know, I guess podcast producer is just the easiest to say and understand. But live a producer and live event coordinator. I've seen you record things at a show. Yeah, he works shows. I still do that on the road and stuff. Yeah, honestly, it's just like, I would kill myself if I was completely alone on the road.

100% no problem. And so I got my boy, I just got my boy out, he was working some horrible media job. Yeah. Where he was doing like he was doing like Galleries of like the cmt awards like this kind of this kind of list You would never believe what Kenny Chesney wore Like you were never really things you could never believe Kendi Literally we were roommates here and whenever there was some stupid awards show Elder should be like hey, I need to I need to I need the TV

I need to watch the VMAs and do, and do a list of all. The Oscars just happened. I was like getting chills just thinking about my past, like this, this past weekend. I was like, I, I would like do like red carpet bullshit. Just like, this man, happy pacing shit from Getty and like doing those dumb galleries. The worst part about living in New York was when I invite everybody to my birthday party and literally half of my New York friends going, I can't go to your birthday because it's on the Oscars night and I need to do fucking whatever website art going. I need the blog about it.

Literally. Wow, so that's the New York thing. You were going head to head with the Oscars. Come on. I couldn't believe you. No, of course. you're absolutely correct. But like I knew, of course, I know it's so funny to give a fuck about the Oscars. Like who cares?

Well, he excuse me. He was nominated. Elders. At that time, but that's all I realized. And that's not my realize like, whoa, this is literally just for fucking annoying ass media nerd like people. Of course. No one gives a fucking lot of options. No one watches.

It's like you're writing these articles like everyone's so excited about this huge night in entertainment. No, it's like. No one gives a fuck. You're just copy-pacing shit from like people magazine. Of course. Everyone wants to cover them. It's a bunch of fucking nerds that want to cover the Oscars

so they can be friends with celebrities. And every... Oh, that's interesting. And every, I mean, you know how it is. Comedy journalism is like half the people that do that shit are failed comedians. Well, how come they're not writing nice things about me if they want to be my first ever?

You haven't reached out to them. You got to fucking... Amen. Completely. People that get good write-ups are like friends with like the vulture people or whatever the fuck. That's part of it. That's part of it.

Well if anyone wants to write an awesome article about me, you can. Yeah. I don't care about the Oscars, but for some reason, I was devastated, that awesome, but there didn't win for doing Elvis. Yeah, it was awesome. He was awesome in Elvis.

He was awesome. He was awesome. I remember, I thought that movie would be gonna be fucking horrible. It was literally the best movie ever. He was awesome. He was awesome. I remember like, I thought that movie was gonna be fucking horrible. And then it was so good. It was so good. It was like, it was like a movie for people with no attention spin.

Cause it was like every 40 seconds. It's like, wait, it's five years later. And you just breeze past like Elvis's mom dying. Like no, no important emotional stuff happened. And you just breeze past like Elvis's mom dying. No important emotional stuff happened. You know what? But they spent like a full 10 minutes on how Elvis saved the civil rights movement.

Like Elvis goes and sings with black people and BB King's like, wow, you're almost fucking better than Martin Luther King Jr. It's like it's awesome. It was like, Baz being like, let's get ahead of this problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We know that people are like gonna be upset about all this, but let's just get ahead of it.

We're having this awesome scene in the window. And yeah, the window was sick. And then him falling in love with his wife who was, I believe, 13 when they met in real life. And they just kinda, they just kinda breeze on by that one. That he's in the army and he fucks like, uh, literally like a general's child. Yeah.

And that's like, but he made an honest woman out of her. And he had an awesome little outfit. So you're just kind of distracted. Yeah, he looks so cute in his little outfit. It was such an awesome, that's the thing about the Oscars. It's like, you didn't give Elvis a single shred of an Oscar that you're wrong. You're wrong for that.

Yeah, Tom Hanks's a fat suit for The good fat performance. It wasn't Brendan Fraser But I'm afraid you didn't even do a weird accent for no reason. I Want to watch the way over because I know it sucks. I you would have to pay me for It's too brutal. You can't ask me to watch something that brutal Yeah, I can't wait to see. You know what, we should watch it and just for the face. You look alive, be with some butt head.

We should do like that. I'm dying to watch it. I was like so excited when I saw the screenshots from it. But I wasn't like this up. I thought he like actually got that fat or something. He got it apparently pretty fat. Oh, really underneath. Underneath, but like, that's how I got it.

You see what carpets should of of him and he's like, you know, he's like a 40 something guy kind of thing. He was a true piece of ass. I'm like, you got that fat, that's fucking awesome. Yeah. He was a fucking, that was watching the mummy when I was in Austin. Oh my God. Oh my God.

That boy, that boy was sexy. George and the John goes. George and the John goes, come on. Yeah. Come on. I have a very distinct memory in my head of watching that as a child, and seeing that his pectorals were perfectly square, and being like,

I didn't even know it could be like that in real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone, every man, every strong male figure in your life is probably like a Jewish man with scoliosis. Literally, I did it all. I didn't know that boys could be tall. Yeah. I didn't know that, like, this is a thing now

that like I wonder now is happening on Long Island, like the Leg lengthening surgery. Oh, right. I do wonder if little Jewish happening on Long Island, like the Leg lengthening surgery. I do wonder if Little Jewish boys on Long Island are now doing that. For sure. Well, I had, there was a little Jewish kid in my middle school who was taking HGH. Oh, yes, we had that.

We had that. We had that with, yes. And he didn't get taller. Like, he got like a little taller, I guess. But he was like, he was literally like four, like 11 in six grade. But I think that they do get taller. Like he got like a little taller I guess, but he was literally like for like 11 in six grade. But I think that they do get taller. Yeah, probably. And then it just means he was gonna be really little.

Yeah, he's gonna be a real little guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we have Ben on Zoom right now? No, sorry. Many butchiques, we can't get them in the mix next time. Oh my God, the way you guys broke that to me, it was like devastating. Like you look me dead in my eyes

And we're like and you said something like really earnest kind of can't happen. Sorry Sorry, just gonna keep talking to me for another god knows how long we could try positive No, okay, you you'll fuck it up so bad. No, I don't like lose the recording. I'm doing I'm doing some math Don't do the math You were just trying to get ahead of like this. I'm making an executive decision here as the as the senior President of stopby baby enterprises and I'm telling you to stand down on hitting zoom right now because something will fuck up Yeah, so like I saw this like smile spread across his face He has pride and he believes it himself, but the problem is he's wrong

And I have to be here to remind him to take him down a couple of times. I think it wouldn't take much, but I don't give a fuck about that. Look, area your own shit out with Vand on your own time. I want to get, I want to get anybody to come back with a business here. And I want to say, look, I'm on the podcast. I was beat. I did a good job. Okay, just a little, there's a home on baddest scheduling. Okay.

Sarah was ducking us. She was scared She was like I'm gonna get canceled. Lauren's gonna fire me. I'm gonna say the R word I'm gonna say the R word. I'm gonna bring a Palestine. I'm gonna bring it up So we're like and she she was ducking us for a while, but she's here now folks We're talking about little Jews. Hey, we're talking about little Jews It's just that if somebody asks me to do something on a text, it's like, sometimes it just is not gonna happen. Yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's something about, I have to have three different people telling me to go somewhere and be like, oh yeah. I don't know. What do you think that is? I don't know. I have an avoidant personality disorder. And it's actually coming now that I'm 30 again,

I need to bring this up again. It's like stuff like taxes. It's not gonna really happen unless there's a gun in my head. It's getting, like that's the problem with being 30 is like all of my little personality quirks aren't cute anymore. No, we're not at all. It sucks. But then I look at like it gave me kind of panic

when I came in here because I was like, I said to you, I was like, wait, are you good with money? Like I'm looking around. You have like kind of an official setup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. good with money? Like I'm looking around. You have like kind of an official set up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have employees on my stov, how can this is better at money than me?

I know. That's suck. That does suck. Like, fuck you. I'm sorry, dude. I'm not even like incorporated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Oh, I'm like actually feeling like, you know, okay. That's what happens because you rejected traditional Judaism. That's what I'm like, actually, feeling like, you know, okay. That's what happens because you rejected traditional Judaism. That is what I'm in. That if you had stuck around a little longer, you know, you had a regular hair just a couple years longer, you'd know about taxes right now. God, I just, I like rejected something.

I'm like, I'm never gonna grow up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I'm like, fuck it. Like, okay, here we go. Yes, I'm listening. Let's, okay, what's today? Today is a Thursday. It's a Thursday. Let's say, let, here we go. Yes, I'm listening. Let's, okay, what's today? Today is a Thursday. It's a Thursday.

Let's say, let's say you have a show in New Orleans next Thursday. Would you at this point have already booked your flights in hotels? Yes, for sure. Without question. In fact, I have to, after this, what we're doing, the thing we have to do

is figure out our Chicago AirBnB have the chicot about Airbnb and the flight, and I need a hot dogs, I'm going in one day earlier. Wait, but what is that? That's probably in what, two weeks, three weeks? But you're just like on top of your crap by yourself? Yeah, I mean, I've been fucking on the road so long that it's just like, I have made too many mistakes to all of a sudden.

I've felt the sting. I'm not booking up or like, you're like, you wait to the last minute and there's like, the rodeo is in town. And you're like, holiday in is $500. I don't know. Like that shit has happened to me or LA.

Like, there was one time, I was in LA and I was, there was like, it was like Comic Con or something. Sure. And I had to just sleep. What why would you not, like, it was like Comic Con or something. Sure. And I had to just sleep. Why would you not, like, I wouldn't know that. And I had to sleep in a kind of friends basement. Like, it wasn't even like, like, I don't think Ben wasn't there

or something, it was just a weird situation where I was just crashing with some guy, I sort of knew. I was dating someone at the time and we had a hotel until Comic Con. We had one day where we needed a, and I was like with my girlfriend in a guy's basement. Cause it was either that or like the only hotel available was like some sketchy Chinatown,

like clearly people are getting sucked off by the hour there. And it's like I'm not sleeping there. So it's like, there's anything wrong with that? No, no, no, of course not. I'm a big, we're pro sex worker on this podcast without question. Absolutely.

In many ways I am a sex worker. I just have fucked up sex and tell stories about it. Like so much of my best jokes are the most fucked up sexual encounters I've had. And your calendar is, it is pretty much, yeah, it's soft core. You're selling sex. I am. No, not really.

I had a show in Kansas City a couple weeks ago, during, again, why would I know in the Super Bowl? Sorry. Oh my God, they were playing Kansas, it was playing in the Super Bowl. But the Super Bowl wasn't in Kansas City. No, but still, no one gave a fuck about your show. Well, but then, but then,

but also, I guess all the gay nerds are coming to your show. No, it was, it was like all the hotels were like expensive because everybody was going to Kansas City to watch the Super Bowl on the TV. No, weird. Yeah, yeah. But it's like shit like that where I'm like, if I just had thought a little bit,

just a little bit, a little bit. How was the show? Well, actually, it was opening for Adam Sandler. That's sick. And it is, it's awesome. That's fucking awesome. It's awesome, but like, so it was like the night before the Super Bowl in Kansas City.

And I- Can you tell him I said hello, by the way? I'll tell you, sir. Yeah. Hey, Adam. He's my favorite truly, my bet, like, I love Adam. He loves you. Yeah, tell him I said what's up.

Hey, look, I'll send him, I'll send him the link to this. So just don't say anything bad about Alice about Little Jewish boys. I'm a big fan. Pro Little Jewish guys. He, like, so. I've been a couple of bar mitzvahs. Come on. I know you could chop it up at a bar mitzvahs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Should I go to one right now if anyone wants to call in or whatever? Yeah, see in the Collins or coming. I'm just going to make you talk about yourself a little more because it's making you so uncomfortable I'm Well Can you tell that I don't know why I'm having such an identity crisis I'm just like it's just for the past week. I'm just like everything turning 30s a big one though

I feel like totally crazy. Yeah, yeah, but I there with the show was in Kansas City the night before the Super Bowl And it's like you know, it's Sandler's so it's like a 15,000 person saying and fucking I didn't know and I don't know anything of the Super Bowl with my little haircut or whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I was the I was the first comic to go up and it's like What actually there was no I was the second. Okay. But. Rob Schneider, who was before me. Actually Schneider wasn't there, but speaking of Elvis, you know, who does the best Elvis

Mr. Rob Schneider? Really? Yes, it's the most moving Elvis impression I've ever had. I was literally about to tears. I didn't say I want to show those me, David's made Rob Schneider and he did an Elvis song to close the show and I was open mouth sobbing. It was the most moving performance I've ever seen in the world. That's so lucky awesome.

He's sick. But like, have you done a stadium? No, I'm excited. I'm doing the fully loaded tour. This, we're playing, we're playing, what is that? Burk Rysher, like it's a bunch of the best comics. It's me, it's learning me. That's Vegas.

I'm not on the line. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, only like Tiffany Haddish, she's like, Oh, wow. And she took your spot. You guys do a lot of overlap there. She's always like, I'm Jewish. I'm Jewish.

I'm a clown. I'm a lesbian clown, but I'm straights for some reason. Um, and it's like literally in Vegas, it's me, me, Bert, Lewis, Black. Oh, it's fucking awesome. Andrew Santino, Big J, it's gonna be fun. Oh, wow. But we're playing Vegas, we're playing,

where the Utah Jazz play, we're playing like where the fun you're doing. Oh, you're doing like 15,000 versus 16. Oh, wow. The biggest show I've done is probably, I don't know, 1500 seats? Nothing crazy. Sure.

I've done like three or four shows with Sandler, and it's legitimately crazy. Because, well, you can't see anything, you can't hear anything. And all my jokes, I'm just like talking like manically really fast and like rhythmically kind of. But you like hear yourself echoed back in a giant like football stadium.

And so I get like so disoriented. I like to strategy, and I hear this out of my own voice. I'm like, oh, that's awful. And then there's like a giant jumbo chan behind me, of me. And like everyone there is like, I mean, it'll be different different for you guys because it's like everyone is there to see like not one person in Kansas city. Who the fuck is this? Like this is the right man.

Yeah. Bring on the pin man. Who ever was like dressed up as like you know sloppy Joe or Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so and then I get like so I like wish I was better at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got on stage and then I said like go chiefs or something. And then 15,000 people, I just heard like, like, ooh, no, it sounded like boo. Did you say go chiefs or go eagles?

No, I said go chiefs. Okay, okay. I know, I know, I know. I said go chiefs and then I heard boo. And so I just, again, my eye was all on, because they go like, jeez. Like, that's their like chant or something. Oh, I see, I see, ooh, it felt, it sounded like.

But it sounds like boo. But do you know what I'm talking about? This like, chiefs thing. I don't. But I, you know, it was like, they have a chant that sounds like boo. So I had to do 10 minutes just with my like head like completely dislocated Immediately as I had on stage go chiefs boo

What did you what kind of joke you follow that? Well, then I had like super bowl honey. Well, this was Super Bowl honey. Well, this was really Super Bowl the only super bowl I care about is the toilet bowl big enough to accommodate the liquid shit I'm gonna have after all this How do you know for that snap this thing? Yeah This is slaying out like spring diarrhea my little Jewish ass And everyone's just kind of singing there like cool. I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit.

I love it sweet, it's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this is actually one time after a day I was like, want to come back with some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl after she fucking was like, that was so so weird You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort easy Yeah, well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've often times

I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah, and I was thinking to myself What if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, Eldis. You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all

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I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know, yeah, cause like I said,

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Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I

stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. And you can't like see a smile in a 15,000 person. Of course, of course. No, that does seem nerve-wracking because you can't kind of feel the crowd out. It has to be like so clear where they post the laugh. Yes. You have to be set up punched because like there can't be any ambiguity.

And I'm not a set up punchline comedian. So somebody say you're in, no punchline comedian. Somebody say I'm not a set up punchline comedian. So, somebody say you're in, no punchline comedian. No punchline comedian. Sorry. Somebody say I'm not a comedian at all. No, no, you're funny. It was too easy.

It was too easy. Sorry. I would basically say, I am, I have no jokes for fun. No, you're here for a reason, but it was easy to say that. It was a nice set up. It was a nice set up. It was a nice set up I said and by the way, I prepared you by saying not a joke. Yeah

Again super bowl. I love super bowl. I actually think that's I would have been you would have heard one guy being like But his to to his credit like his Out his stand-up is so bizarre and absurd. Have you seen his out? I love the first one, yeah. It's incredible. It's crazy.

The Netflix especially is so good. And a way that like all these guys have been coming, like there's been a lot of nostalgia. Sure, sure. Or old guys who don't have their fastball anymore coming back. Sure. And it's like so clear that they haven't thought about this, haven't thought about being

relevant and I was so nervous because I love Sandler. So he was my guy. He's your guy. And that special came out and I was like, holy fuck, it's better than I thought it was. Yes. Because he was doing, it was legitimately funny, it was legitimately like thinking about people now and just sentimental enough where he wasn't, he wasn't, it wasn't a crutch, like some people use it a crutch,

but it's like, how could he not be, because he does mean so much to everyone watching. So that first special, I was like, oh my god, this is like, because a lot of our comedy heroes are breaking our hearts these days. They really are. The people we grew up with don't know how to stay relevant in a certain way, and don't know how to have like a, the thing about Santa that I love so much is like how fun it always was. Yes.

Like I hate, I'm on the record as I'm anti making points as a comedian. 100%. This is not the bait club. I'm trying to have a good time. In that one in the Senate. No. Nobody's gonna put Senate.

And I like literally his albums, the like, you know, they're all gonna laugh at you you all the like comedy song ones where they're just like so vulgar so medium pace But take a shampoo bottle and put it in my ass Like like that. Yes, like so absurd so fucking it was just funny and Dumb and a good time and that captured that and it was like new material and it was sentimental, it was fucking so good. And I guess I just didn't, I mean, because I've listened to all the old stuff,

I'm obviously like, you know, a little Jewish girl from Long Island, and I grew up on that, I'm saying, that's Jordan first. Long Island Jews. Yeah, period. And like me first hang out with me like Jordan, okay. Okay.

Come on, you living Chicago. I got it, I got it. I got it. That home was easy. Oh, good. And like he is hour now that he's doing by the way it's two hours. You will do two hours. It's like, I forgot like he is so weird. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so like his crowds end up do kind of liking me because they're down with weird, but it's like, he'll do like absurdist, surrealist, like storytelling of like made up stories that make like follow like a bizarre sense of logic.

Yeah, yeah. And they aren't like, I mean, it isn't like set up punchline stuff. Which in a lot of ways, then, it's like, even though you feel like you're not doing well, it's like, you probably are, but also, but also, as, that's kind of your job, is to kind of prime them for like,

it's not set up punch. Like, you are weird, that is, there's something useful for that for opening a show that way. I went on, I opened for Eric Andre on his tour before he recorded his Netflix special. And like that was like, it would, I will never. I mean, that's how the thing is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I get a fair show couple of videos with like hamburger help for me coming out of a paper machine, but oh, they are ready to go. Oh, they're so ready to, like, like hamburger helper me coming out of a paper mache but oh Like that was like that was like the most perfect opening job. I'll ever have of course It's never gonna get

Now what's the what now we're, thanks for bringing up the hamburger helper diary and your whole uvra is a, is a, you know, should coming out of pussies. Yeah. You know, balls that are infected with puss and boils and that kind of thing.

You know, that's just that kind of general thing. Kind of a classic thing. Kind of a classic thing. In testons, you know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm coming out of some guys' mouths. a classic thing. Kind of a classic thing. In testons, you know what I mean? Like, oh, come on, I just got some mouths. So what's the gross shit? Like, I have my own hypotheses here about like where that's all coming from.

But what do you think, how'd that start? Well, all of the, like, I just, Is there still you getting rejected from theater, club or whatever? Well, all little kids, like gross crap. True. It's like, we all did like this at a certain point. Right, right.

And I like basically 1 million percent of my entire, that's why 30 has been such a like, devastating blow to me. Right, right. Because like, I've just tried desperately not to grow out my entire life a little bit in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so like,

I mean, we're talking to. Yeah, 100% of my people pure penchant myself, of course. But that's like, it's like, I'm retaining like the things that are like, and especially with comedy, gross, uh, gross, sorry, for lack of a better term, gross out comedy is so fun because you get to play with the like, making people laugh after they've been screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

And so it's like, it's just a fun. And a grown is fun. Like getting a whole crowd to grow is awesome. It's, and it is as rewarding as laughter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's just like screaming. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, just awesome. And I just, and I think a lot of like, you know, people think that I am Sarah Scorn because those things do make me squeamish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. Yeah, I'm not like the queen of it. You're like, yes. Yeah, no, it's like.

Diary. I love when I have diaries. One diary a piece for me. So it's just fun. There's a whole range of, it's just fun to play with that. Yeah, I get it. It's fun to play with do-do. But that's why I was interested in for me to hear you talk about

almost wanting to fuck Brendan Frazier in the George of the Jungle. Because people might look at that as a horny way to do comedy, but to me that's anti-horny. You know what I mean? The gross out stuff, the body stuff. To me that's a bodies and bus. Our disgusting. And Dix and Pussies are so gross, I'm scared of that.

Yeah, I am approved. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like I was a little Jewish girl who grew up on Long Island feeling disgusting and all it's like it's so, it's like I'm very transparent as clear as day. So, I was an ugly little Jewish girl with too many pubes sweating too much across. And so, it's like as a child, a heavily pubed child. Full of motion age like God knows. It's so, it's just like clear as death. There's no, there's no,

because the other thing that Jews don't get credit for actually, is setting their children up for success sexually with kids. Oh, under percent. With birthright, all this kind of stuff, like. And I think that was, it was very, it was like sexually traumatizing growing up in a, and like I went to a high school where, you know, I think that was, it was very, it was like sexually traumatizing growing up in a... Because, yes.

And like, I went to a high school where, you know, girls would get like, no, you know, God bless, go with God, do whatever you want, but they were getting nose jobs when they were 13. And so it's like the medical trauma of like kind of growing up. Oh, shit. So it's like people being like, oh, where does this body horse stuff come from? It's like, li- Yeah. Like, I literally was just like conscious at a young age

of like someone like medicare. Yeah. Of surgery and like, if you're worried about your body, it's like, well, you go in a camp and everyone's jacking people off in here. You're gonna get finger, you're gonna get your clip, jack hammer, and a candy store.

And yeah, that is like birthright, it's sexual coupling to like further a religious identity. Yeah, yeah, that isn't like birthright, it's sexual coupling to like further a religious identity. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a smart thing to be like, hey, we're gonna get them all when they're horny as hell, free vacation, fuck each other and then just like

join the army by the way. But like real quick, just join the army. And like bar mitzvahs kind of also have like a like you're like staying up late partying all night in like a sexy little flood dress. Everyone's dressed cute. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's very true.

But they're smart about that. So we're talking no jacking people off in a camp. Not for the none of that. I was like, the name Sarah Scorum comes out, like my group of friends of mine in high school were like maybe fun to me for being like ugly and gross. Weird. And like what called me Squirmals and these are friends and these are friends

And they you know and they do feel like they own my identity now that they came up with that Oh interesting but so it's like you know it's like kind of like not like I reclaimed Yeah, yeah, it's, Squirm is your inward. It is. Yeah. You get to take, you get to say, you take the power back. Well, even though, not even the

way you say the inward. And you do say the inward. And you do say the inward. If I'm more famous, you do. Well, I don't even, actually, it's kind of sad, like I'm not squirm anymore because like, like now from the, on SNL, I'm Sarah Sherman. Yeah.

And so now I'm like, I'm Sarah Sherman. And so now I'm like, post, I'm Sarah Sherman and everything, but Scorm is such an easy like sugar warning. It's like, you know what I mean? If you buy ticket to a show that's like Sarah Scorm, you're like, you know, you're getting into it. It's a post and now it's like, you know, like. Sarah Sherman is kind of a nice name. She's a regular bitch name.

I know, well, it's because Sherman, it was Schmullyevich at Ellis Island. Schmullyevich, that's a nickname. Oh, I know. Schm's because Sherman, it was Shmooyevich at Ellis Island. Shmooyevich? That's a nickname. Oh, I know. Shmooyevich? Yeah, put it in. Sarah Shmooyevich? Sarah Shmooy, like.

Sarah Shmooy, you gotta change your book. I know. I- Sarah Shmoos. I know. That Ellis Island of it. Damn. I know.

Wow, when did they, was, are we talking great-grand, how far back? Yes, the great-grandparentparent my grandfather's father. Yeah Okay, we need to get a job or something. Yeah, yeah, sure because Sherman does feel very like just Sherman's to the sea. Yeah, yeah, true. Yeah, yeah, shmo'yevich. I know I know I gotta go back to school plus Yevich like there's two awesome like there's three awesome sounds it's more yet and bitch It's oh man that's so awesome that's so old school Jewish that it's like that's Those it's a name from countries that are so anti-Semitic like to have the bitch in there still like

that are so anti-Semitic. Like to have the bitch in there still. That's like Serbian. Like those motherfuckers would like beat Jews on site. You know what I mean? Is there what? I'm like, it's like Yiddish-yirself. Yeah, yeah, it's got Yiddish plus Eastern European. It's like a nice mix of throwback.

You don't get along with her. I'm like a kind of white person where it's like I never did the thing where I'm like, where's my family from? Yeah. Which I'm like, I regret now with someone who's 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I should know more about like,

what's going on with that name? And who, you know what I mean? You still got time? I guess, yeah. They came through, if they came through LSI, like, it's hard for, because I want to know more about my, there's all this like family lore where it's like,

my dad's side of the family, apparently, my grandmothers, my paternal grandmother, her uncles came to America. grandmother, her uncles, came to America. He had two uncles that came to America. So this would have been like, before World War I. We're talking like, these are old, like my grandma was born in probably the 30s, so her uncles were probably born like the fucking 1800s. And so they came to America. And the lore is that one of them

Was a fucking bounty hunter In America and that the other one was like a hugely influential chiropractor that and that he's lit he's buried in on long Island actually this guy something Lietti's or some shit like that so if I would love to learn more about that, and like apparently when my grandparents got married, the American bounty hunter or gambler, it gets some people say it's different. Sure. Just fucking gave her a bunch of money. But it's like this weird thing where my dad hated

that he came to America, but apparently it was in his blood. Are your parents from America? No, they were both born in Greece. They came here in 82. Oh, so then there was like a back and forth going on? There's a lot of back and forth. My parents, my mom's family came here in the 70s and she hated and moved back and met my dad and Athens.

And then they came, they were like, we're gonna go to America for a couple years and make money. And then they couldn't have kids, so they stayed here to do like in vitro. And so the reason they stayed in America is like, so that I could be born, basically. So I'm a little test tube guy, a little IVF guy.

You gotta tell. Yeah, I'm so perfect. I was made in a lab, but each gene is specifically sequenced from the ideal man. You are the ideal man. I'm the uber. I was born without a heartbeat.'m the ideal man. I'm the ideal man. I'm the ideal man. I was born with a heart beat.

You can kind of tell. Oh, really? You know what I'm saying? I kind of have a sickly kind of like, you know what's going on? No, we just had Chris the Stefano on and his daughter, he's got like this little like,

feisty at, like as a baby, like a one-year-old, she's telling people like, no! She's like yelling at them. And his daughter, multiple plan Bs. Like, as a fetus, she was like, fuck that, and then she comes out just feisty,

and she's telling her dad to go fuck himself, and she's like, you're too fat. Like, she's a three year old that's like, stop eating desserts. You need to stay a lot, you can almost. If you can say, like astrology isn't real, but like, what is that?

Yeah. That's like the planet's a line. Like that is a cosmic, like court of energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is like fighting off the plan B and like having to keep them out. Literally, the girl, his, his, his, now, well, I guess they're not married

because he's a piece of shit Italian. But his girl, who he has two children within a a home with but yeah, keep waiting on the marriage Chris She was on she was on birth control and she took a plan B and this kid's fucking survived She's a fighter. Yeah, she's awesome, but do you have any? Well, you did Germany. Hey complication. You were born a barn in Albania so they don't, they don't keep records of that kind of shit. You were born next to a fucking Mule, a baby, you and a baby Mule split a crib together. I don't know if there's any complications.

I know I was like a big baby. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I was like, I don't know, I was just heavy as fuck. I know my sister like, have the umbilical cord around her neck. So it was like a close call. Holy shit. But she was coming out. But damn.

You look kind of C section. Are you C section? Have my C section? No, they didn't have that technique. I'm seeing Albania. I don't know, I'm the 80s. Oh, you know what? Maybe I am, because I was too big.

Too big of something. Yeah, they're like, we can't wreck this woman's pussy like this. We're like, this is like, we just see one of his toes. That thing's almost the whole fucking size of a woman's pussy. You know what I say? I would do appreciate it because I'm like, you know, everyone's like, you're Sarah Gross. Multiple people have shown me like videos and or photos

of either them or their wives giving birth to their children because they're like, you love this. You know what? That sucks. You do. I do like, I think it's like, it is a privilege to be like, you are so, you are one of the craziest motherfuckers I know. I'm gonna show you one of the most crazy

like amazing things I've ever seen. The most fucked up things at all times. Yeah, and it's like, you know, a baby's head coming out of my wife's pussy. Yeah. I've fully seen it. People, and it's like, you know, it's so good. But baby's head coming out of my wife's pussy. I fully seen it. People like that close. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Awesome. That's fucking wild. In well, this is glow. We're we're cruising here, but we got to take some questions. I would love to interrogate you further. But,

you know, I think we've got a great people get who you are, where you're coming from. the kinds of the unique perspective you can bring to people's questions. Oh Yeah, but we don't have that many Jewish clowns here. You know, oh I'm one. I'm one of them I did I don't know why this is I don't know why this is Whatever I've been having like you know, I'm so Jewish and anxious, I've been having like stomach issues, whatever. So I recently had a, did you ever have to do a stool sample? Yes.

Did you ever have to sit with it on the train? No, no, I got to scoop it. You think you give you the little scoopers and then I just mailed it off. You mailed it? You mailed your, I mailed my shit. But what, cause that's what everybody's been telling me about this mailing, but I had to sit with it on shit, but what because that's what everybody's been telling me about this mailing

But I had to sit with it on the train. No, that's wrong. But who's where you meant like your doctor's here Yeah, the fucking lab. I remember that. Did you have to like shit on a plate or something? Yeah, you like fucked up the equipment. Oh, yeah, yeah, I had to shit so bad like I was I was like I missed timed it and I Couldn't find the medical tray. So I got a fucking plate. I just took a dinner plate and I shit like truly, truly the biggest shit I've ever taken in my life. It like filled the plate. I had to do it like soft serve. I had to like fucking make sure it wouldn't fall off. Yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, I waited way too long and I had just a fucking wild one, bro. And I'm just sitting there like,

like just with a play-to-shit scooping it up. I think I just threw the play-to-way after that. I was like, I'm not. May have been like some firm plastic party plates. We had a shrew. Oh, if I remember correctly. That's right. It was as fancy.

We had a party. What was it with party we have? Was it in the years? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know fancy. We had a party. What was it with party we have? Was it near as maybe? I don't know. I don't know. But we had a party and yeah, we had like a little dinner party. So we got like the expensive like dine-net. And it was the plastic white with the last time.

Yeah, that has like a real feel to it. You know what I mean? Yeah, you could put it in the dishwasher if you're white trash, but we threw them out. But yes, that's right, that's right. It was one of those plates, but I straight up was like, oh, it was like, it was hitting on a fucking plate. It was fucking awesome.

But you thought we, I think we don't realize how important the water is and the toilet bowl is at it. That is what separates the men from animals. Absolutely. Where it's like, you probably shit like that a lot, but you would never know because it's just so muffled. No, I know, but this, like even, like you know when you feel one

and you're like, that was special. When it comes out, like it was, and I was also shitting like a long time. Like it was like like, we're going into like 15 seconds of just straight pushing something out of my ass. It wasn't like a whole, because you know, when you've waited, it usually just comes out like within five seconds. This thing, I was like, when is it, like, I literally was like, when is this gonna stop?

You're doing this, like, as if you're doing the... I'm not getting, I shifted the plate. Because like, one scoop, it would have fell off. I had, it was, I wasn't a full-fro-yo, but it was like a, it would have fell off. I had it was I wasn't a full fro you, but it was like a it was like a it was a loop. Yeah, for sure it was a one loop. Last night I did a show. It was like one it was like five of us got dinner

before the show last night and we all we like got Mediterranean food and then we all like before the show were kind of like people like kind of burping in the green room being like and we all had to like The same meal five comments one green room bathroom That's actually not a bad place to have for five people to have to shit. No, that's actually one of the best ones Yeah, I kind of felt like it was kind of like a bonding experience for all bus being yeah I got it. That was tough. Yeah Damn what'd you have falafel? I they had chicken shwarma, but I

Sorry to say this I had an impossible That sucks I don't know why I think you know sometimes you're just like I'm gonna do that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely Well, sometimes it'll just sweep like I remember I was I was with a group know how sometimes you're just like, I'm gonna do that to me. Yeah, yeah absolutely. Well sometimes it'll just sweep. Like I remember I was with a group, a big group, and everyone just ordered impossible burgers. And it was like, you got caught up in it. You know what I'm saying?

I'm like, fuck it, I'll have one who gets a fuck. Yeah, you suck it early, I want it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like one vegan girl, and then we're like, fuck it, we'll do it too. But yeah, that was probably bad. But it was, I thought it was kind of cute. It's like, oh then we were like, fuck it, we'll do it too. But yeah, that was probably bad. But I thought it was kind of cute. It's like, oh, we all are shit.

I feel like I'm usually the one who's shitting. Right. And so it was nice to be like, Jack and her. It's communal. They're all so shitting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good guy, a couple good guys. You should have them on the podcast.

I would love to have them on the podcast. Yeah. Me blogging my friends. No, I love those guys. They're funny shit. And they have a really funny podcast. I feel like they should be doing friends. No, I love those guys, they're funny as shit. And they have a really funny podcast. I feel like they should be doing podcasts. Oh, I'm like, I'm literally like their mother right now.

Yeah. You should go as the podcast. They're on the list, actually, little generally. Like, we put a list together, people we want to get on. Look in the camera and say, guys, man. No, I'll fucking text them. I know Eric. I know him both.

I was gonna bring Jack today. I was like, yeah, stop looking at Caravan, bro. I wouldn't. I like Jack. Because I'd be like, you know what I mean? When you're sitting on the, I'm like, I don't want to sit on the train alone for 45 minutes to think about my life and think about how I'm 30. Sure, sure.

But this is better actually. This is good. This is like, I think we got down to the bottom. We really did. We really did. We really did. You just gotta let you punch yourself out. You're gonna talk about something boring for a while. And then, you know, we let that go.

And then we'll really get into it. What do you let a baby cry in the crib? Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think a lot of my life is needed. I have to tucker myself out of us. Yes, absolutely.

Like sometimes I get too anxious, so I have to go run around really fast to like burn myself out. It's just that's, or just let me kind of talk. Of course, no, it's perfect. We got to catch the. Was the beginning of it kind of like? No, we didn't remember we didn't start. I let you really talk

longer than most guests before we started recording. Because I thought we were hanging out like friends. We were. We were. No, that was part of it. Okay. You're very anxious person. I just want you to feel comfortable. I'm usually not this anxious, but I've just had a bad. That's right. Yeah. I'm actually usually Sarah Wee. Oh yeah, you're so sure. Ask everyone that knows you.

That's what they would describe US. Really doing the podcast is an anxious band is that I mean? Let's do some fucking questions, Eldest. Let's get Sarah to really. I think you and me giving advice to people is like an interesting union. Absolutely. That's the best part of the show is get you I have a very I have my own Perspective but I'd like to see what everybody else wants to say you've lived the life. I've lived the life

I've got a lot to say hit us LD hit us with the first one Hey, I'll this and hey, yeah, I would it work Hey, you know, it's coming Yeah, hey It does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it does, it if it's with a new person, I have a lot of trouble finishing. So we'll just have sex pretty much until my cardio gives out. So I'll do that cardio. And then I'll just kind of pretend to bust and find her.

And then she thinks that I finished and stuff. But eventually, I do want to finish stuff and then I'll have sex with her again. So she's under the impression that I can just have sex like a bunch of times every night and she thinks it's great and she always talks about how much she likes that. But as we're getting more comfortable with each other, I'm actually starting to be able to finish. Oh, that's nice. So I'm actually so comfortable. As many times as she thinks that I'm usually able to, so I thought I'm leaving a double

life. I'm just leaving a lie and I don't know what to do. I can't keep this up because you know the stamina isn't only there. So what do I do? Do I just be honest with her or do I just keep living my mind? Why? Thank you. This is awesome. I love this question. I think you should be honest because it's cute. It is kind of cute. I couldn't finish because I was nervous before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna die of movie.

Yeah, but now I love you and I'm busting quick. That is interesting, isn't it? And honestly, this happens to me in no joke, where I can't, I either can't get hard if I like, well, if I like someone at first I can get too nervous. Uh-huh. And then if I'm nervous it either manifests itself in not getting hard or this exact thing happens.

Or I can't bust. And so what I would say to you, and look, I've figured out my own ways around this, not to get too crass, sucking on a titty while you beat off. Usually it does it. Getting your balls linked while you beat off. Yeah, I do love my mother. It does it. Getting your balls and like while you beat off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I do love my mother. That is weird. Those two correlate. Yeah. So, you know, there's ways around. See, I'm gonna bust personally. And I don't have it in me to fake busting in someone. That's a weird thing.

I mean, I didn't know we had an Oscar winning performer on the lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess, I guess, uh, are you sure she didn't know? That's my thing. I have a feeling she can probably get away with it. I, uh, she might kind of know.

Oh, I'm just a real person. Oh, my God. You gotta be good at it. You can't be like, ooh, you know, you gotta be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, ah, you know, something like that.

Hey, that's kind of, did you like it eight more? Yeah. Yeah. I think it's something like that. You do like eight more. I think it's so, that's such a cute thing to come out. I just, I like you so much that I was able to finish more. Yeah, yeah. And so I get that now you've set this impossible standard that you can't go that often. But I'll tell you this, maybe you got how much pusier you're eating,

because that's always a full proof. If you can bust, if, because like when you're, when you're busting fast, right? I've had to learn, I've had to teach myself some tricks here in terms of finger pop. I feel like Daredevil, where my dick is nothing, my dick is like being blind, right?

My, so that sense is gone. So the way Daredevil has heightened everything else, I got good at fingering, I got good at eating pussy, you know, all, all, all other ways to make a woman bust, that's what you're gonna have to do here. Your dick is gonna give out, so now you must train your other senses. So you can still get her busting twice or hooking up twice,

but, you know, you know, it doesn't have to be, your other senses. So you can still get her busting twice or hooking up twice, but you know, it doesn't have to be, you know, vaginal intercourse every time. You can bust fast, or the best thing is to do uE pussy first, and that kind of takes the place of the first foxesh, and then the second foxesh can be you busting fast. Part of it might just be her excitement. Like I feel like girls like it when you're like, you can go like a couple times in the night. Oh yeah. Or something they're like, oh wow.

He's a fucking night. I actually have a- I hate even having sex. I actually have a different take. I think that if you guys need to be having sex multiple times a night, you have to go to church. No one needs that. Do you have a job?

Get a job! This is like too much time on your intuition. You've disavowed every part of Judaism except fucking through a sheet. You're like, you have a hole. You're just fucking doing a crossword until they bust. Yeah. So yeah, and look, now you sound like a young healthy guy. I don't wanna tell you to do this, but another option is to take dick pills.

Because that is how it is with dick pills. I think that this guy has a sensitive little heart. I don't think his heart can take a dick pill. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would do it. Or maybe he's gonna get more ripped. More ripped, because he says he doesn't have, like, his cardio.

Or his cardio is bad. No, that's a... See, I don't know. ripped. More ripped because he says he doesn't have like if like he his card was cardio is bad. No that's a yeah I don't know. Well the cardio if you're gonna finger pop if you're gonna do a vigorous fingering that you get your cardio there that could take the place of a dicking again as someone with bad dick usually when I know especially when I don't love the person that's the After, when you're just fucking random people, sometimes your dick's not going to get as hard as it is when you actually care about someone, so you take dick pills. But if you don't take it, did he say the L word? Did he say love? No, but he's more comfortable. You know, I'm actually wondering, I want to know if he's in love.

He's on the road. If he's bussed and fast, he really loves her. If he's bustin' fast, he really loves her. That's the... So I would say you gotta definitely tell her, but also figure out ways to keep that pace a little bit. And look, it drops off. You don't fuck as crazy as a relationship starts. I think you guys should stop having sex and really get to know each other for once.

Do all that time you guys spent doing the devil's works sucking, you could actually be reading books to doling perspectives, but I think between them, you'll find a solution and good luck, good luck, pal. That's really cute of you to bust fast out of love. Everybody calls you dog. We get dog in there.

Yeah, no, it's a google transcription lot yeah dot what's up man uh... i got a relationship question i would i would see in a girl and uh... we were probably looking up for like two months maybe a month and a half and she's like, hey, I don't care. Are we going to date or do you just want to talk?

And I played it off, you know, whatever. Maybe two weeks later, she's like, hey, do you do you care if I see other people? I mean, I was like, yeah, whatever. It's fun. No worries. I ended up kind of overplaying my hand a bit, you say? So I hit her up last week like, hey, you want to hang out? And she's like, no, sorry. I'm seeing someone else and we just talked about being exclusives. So, uh, kind of a shot to the gut. Now that I can't see her, I'm obsessed with her. Oh, no! I'm wondering what I should do.

Let me know. Oh, dude, you're fucked. There's nothing to do. I, this exact same thing happened to me. And it's horrific. Who do you guys think you are, literally? 100%. No, it's wrong.

It's like you make me sick. Yeah. I mean, this guy, I mean, some of us are doing really well. You know, some of us are pretty, of course, going good. I'm just selling out sees a palace. I'm just, he's just palace, baby. I'm the flip side, because when girls have like, ran that line by me, like, I just ended up in like,

two fucked up relations. I just folded a million dollars. I was like, fuck, what am I doing? Exactly. And here's the other thing. This is how human psychology works. So like, maybe you don't even like this girl. It's just that you can't have what you, you know,

what you thought you were gonna have forever. So look, it's over. The faster you can get away from it, the better. It's if she was trying to be like, what happened to me is we never really had that conversation. And then she was like, I have a boyfriend out of nowhere. And so that felt a little, I feel like I might have folded, if I, not even folded, but I feel like if I was ever made

to look at my feelings, I would have been like, oh, you know what, yeah, let's give this a fucking whirl. But you did get that, and she did ask you that, and you did say no, and yeah, what the fuck will you do it? Will you fucking other people? If not, then what the fuck, dude? I think that you screwed the pooch.

Your primary partner has to be yourself, and you have to be alone for a long time, and you're in word, and look at yourself, and look in the mirror and see who's staring back at you, and really get to know yourself. This is a horrible advice. You have to get this.

This is horrible advice. You should be so wrong. This is so wrong. You should be so of it and say, what kind of man am I? And who am I really before I start letting other people date me? I have to date me.

You have to date you before other people date you. That issue, but in general, but not for you. You can't be trusted. You need to get into a relationship fast. Truly, I really believe that. If you replace this girl, you will not give a fuck at all. You just want what you can't have. And that happened to me where it's like,

so this girl was like, hey, I have a boyfriend. And then I started seeing someone kind of casually. And I was like, hey, maybe me and her should date. But then I was on the road, I was gone for a month. And I came back and she was like, now I have a boyfriend. But it was like, when there was somebody that I thought could have been cool, it kind of all, I could already feel the like,

how sad I was about this girl disappearing when you're like, oh, maybe there's some potential in the next one. Let this be a lesson to you. You're not, you don't have that good a dick. You're not that cool. You can't pull this off. And just know in the future, that's who you are.

So get yourself a good girlfriend. I'm certainly taking this as a lesson like them. The next time a girl that I really click with comes around, I'm just gonna try and have a real relationship instead of just trying to like see how much free pussy I can get and also fuck other girls. Free? Yeah.

I think you should be a monk. I think you should live in a convent. And you should meditate and read and write a couple books and really think about the way you impact others. None of it. I mean, that last part's not bad advice, but you should fuck still. No. Get. impact on the not it i mean it's that last part of that advice you should fuck still

that uh... ld what do we got baby all of the dotty baby my name's again new jersey i just moved into

uh... my own apartment and whatever's like a shared apartment, the lady underneath me has giant fucking windtimes outside her window, outside my window. I work for a couple days a week and I feel like I'm just sitting in here like rocking back and forth. They're so loud. I feel like they're really rude to put in a shared space.

And I really want you guys. I went out there and I took them off there on a little hook. Just left them in the ground and they were down for like a month. And now she's put them back up. Am I instinctive to disbandalize them? No. She's a really nice older lady. I know that people call it but really since it's nice. But I'm really stumped on what to do.

I think it's to vandalize them or to steal them. But I feel like it would just be a telltale heart thing. If I tell them I feel like I don feel like a telltale heart thing. And if I don't, I feel like I don't want to be like, like, tell the management. I don't think they would do anything necessarily. And then I'm just like, a paddle panel. Whatever. Or do I just like, next time I see her, do I ask her to take them down? And my other thoughts were, I'd really to know and get her a bird feeder and be like,

maybe this is an alternative please consider taking them down, but my sister, I told her that idea and I was really proud of it. But, I was just still going. It's just a piece of shit. So, hopefully this was a fun topic. Here it is. It shows chopping at the beginning. I know exactly what to do. All right Yeah, it's it. And show us a chocolate at the beginning.

And if not, I know exactly what to do. All right. Let's hear it. Thanks, it's love you. Bye. There's this like adhesive that's like, I can't remember the name of it. It's like, there's different kinds of adhesive

that are like this, but it's like gooey, tacky, clay-like adhesive that you can like make little balls of it. And I'm going to, we're're gonna figure out what it is. It's like stick tacky, whatever glue. And you could put it individually between the chimes so that they stay rigid and like a centimeter. And they'll sway together and they won't be knocking. And if she's like a little old lady,

she's not gonna really probably. I mean, she didn't notice for a month when she took them down. Right. And like if it's lady, she's not gonna really probably... I mean, she didn't notice for a month when she took him down. Right. And like if it's there, she'll see it dangling. Right. She won't think anything of it, but they're not gonna be clangling into each other.

Interesting. I like that idea. I like that idea. I do. That actually is a pretty good idea. Now look, I'm gonna be honest, she's a nice, like if this was a dumb bitch, if you're like, she's a dumb bitch, she never lists anything. Sounds like you didn't even bother a nice, like if this was a dumb bitch, if you're like, she's a dumb bitch, she never lose anything. So I was like, you didn't even bother being like, hey, this is really distracting.

Can I take them down when I'm working or something like that? Like, I look, the real human being thing to do is talk to her writer, a nice note. And yeah, Baker some cookies, get her a bird house, just something and be a good neighbor. But Sarah's idea is pretty good. The problem is if it gets discovered, because like, okay, you put them on the ground and they could have fell. She finds weird little balls in between a wind chime. She's like, who the fuck did this?

It's so much weirder than like putting them on the ground. So it depends what you want to do. I think you can just fucking tell this nice old lady, now look, if she was a dumb bitch, steal him, vandalize him, put the tacky on, do whatever the fuck you want. But it's, Sarah's plan is very good, but it is high risk, because if it's discovered,

it's bizarre. You wouldn't put, if someone took the time to just put a little balls in between each one. And that's no way could you chalk that up to a mistake. But like them falling is a mistake. High risk, high reward. That's a high reward. Where is it?

Can you scroll back up? She said it's right outside. Who knew a apartment? I'm gonna share a part. It's like outside her window. Oh, the woman's window. It's kind of like a shared outside space outside Nice I think you should have a little win-jime is that nice? I think so but they're too big apparently or ask you to get a bigger a smaller one or just

Tell her to take them down when you're working But I just sticky techie tech it. Yes sticky techie Those are your options. I don't know about stealing them vandalize them It's not just a tell-tale heart, but what's stopping this bitch from getting a bigger win-chime? You know what I'm saying? Or is she an old racist lady? You could be like, you could do that thing

where people do like fake graffiti, and you could take them down, you could be like, black's rule, we hate win-chimes. And she'll be like, you put these up again and me and my black family will come back and beat the fuck outta you, you old white bitch, fuck Trump. You could do that and she could be scared for her life. So these are your options, basically.

Or, but that's also the thing, you might push her into full QAnon mode and she'll take it as a sign that to stick it to the black she needs to win time. So, you got a lot of high risk high reward plays here. Don't. And also I just want to say don't have sex. This is good.

We do need this the deferring position. The opposite. This is like the debates. The Chomsky. What the fuck? No, no. It's the G. Jack.

Who's that old one? William Buckley and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and who's the gay guy? Is it Gerva though? No, it was Chomsky and Shulian Buckley. Yeah. Yes. This is Chocolate like I'm like Imperial I'm the sexual I'm the one pro sex and I'm anti There's big anti all right, baby Yeah, there's big anti. All right, baby. Hi, Scotty. I am a 38-year-old single female living in Manhattan. Nice. I need some of your advice.

I am finding it hard to date them in New York specifically as a very strong, independent woman. I don't have trouble getting dates. I don't even have trouble getting second dates or falling into relationship. I do, however, think that I come in strong and assertive. And I really want your advice on, is it true that men maybe don't like that?

Or are there men out there that do like a stronger, more independent, more assertive? Know what she wants, type of woman. And maybe I'm just not finding the right guy. I know what you need to do. You need to go home during the holidays and hit your head and get amnesia and fall in love with a lumberjack who's wife died

whose wife died in a skiing accident uh... three summers ago three winters ago so that's that's what you gotta do you gotta live a home mark like you gotta you gotta be on your blackberry all times and your families that put that thing away and then you bump into someone your blackberry all the time. And your family's like, put that thing away. And then you bump into someone, the blackberry falls in a puddle of water, short circuits. And you have no choice but to be present. And then you find through the spirit of Christmas that it's not your big, high-power job in the big cities.

Not all it's cracked up to be. And maybe family's what's important. That's what I was just doing. I'm thinking there are a lot of like platitudes and sort of like abstract language here. Yes, that's true. And so it's making me sort of, I think that she's kind of obfuscating

a lot of maybe details that are important. Like what do you mean you come on too strong? Right, right, right. What are you saying? Where are the details here? Yeah, because this, I totally see what you're saying. Because it's saying? Where are the details here? Right. Yeah, because this, I totally see what you're saying, because it's like, this is a little girl bossy, you know what I mean?

This is a little like, like sure, like, for example, our friend eldest here loves a woman to run his life. He doesn't want to make a decision. He's so much better, his girlfriend dresses him and he's better off for it. And she dresses you in that? No, that's an healthy. That's it. Well she's dressing that. No, that's an help. That's it. Well, even or not, I trust this.

Yeah. But yes, so there's a little bit of like, yeah, what do you mean by that when you say very strong independent woman? Is that code for bitch? You know? Because that's possible. But at the same time, if you're the kind of person

who is driven by their career comes first kind of thing. Like, you know, always breaking plans because you have shit to do, you know, it's like there is a difference, but you can negotiate, you know, your own goals and a relationship. The reality is if what you mean by strong independent woman is like you're busy, whatever, you're gonna have to,

at a certain point, you have to put effort into a relationship and like maybe not make it a priority, but make it a co-priority with whatever you're strong independent shit is. And I do think there are definitely people that, yeah, what do you mean by strong and assertive? Like in what sense picking Picking a restaurant? That's not that big a deal.

I think a lot of guys would like not having a fucking, you know what I'm saying? I'm hungry. Oh, what do you want? I don't know. I think a lot of people would like not having to do that. You know, there's definitely, there's definitely pluses. I had to do so much research when me and my girl

started dating because she was like vegetarian. And I was like, and then it just like turned into like date after date. I'm like, God damn, I need like, I need to step in here and just suggest a place. I'm like, yeah, he's fucking like cool place, cool vegetarian places. Yeah, listicles. Yeah. Time out New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah, this was cruising through it. So there's a little bit of that.

Like, do you, and I'm not going to tell you to necessarily change who you are, but there probably is a little room for compromise here. Like I, speaking for myself as somebody who I don't have time right now to actually like work on a serious relationship, I just know that it would fall apart. I'm, I'm never home. I'm too busy. My priority is my career right now. And but I know that if I wanted a relationship, which I'm going busy, my priority is my career right now. But I know that if I wanted a relationship, which I'm gonna probably try and actually get going second half of the year, when I have a little more free time,

I'm gonna. You have to, but that's what I mean is like, if you're so focused on your career, like if I kept up this pace, I couldn't be in a relationship like this. You would never meet someone. You would never meet someone, you would never have like time to really talk.

So I know I'm gonna have to compromise my current lifestyle a little bit because a relationship is important to me. Do you have to do a little bit of that? Now, are you rude? Now again, if this is, if what you mean by very strong in the better woman is rude, like if you're like, you know, like the girl equivalent of like, fucking Patrick Bateman over here, like, and then like, yes, you have some stuff to work on.

But that doesn't mean, but certainly there are definitely plenty of men that are probably intimidated by somebody who's maybe more successful than them, all this other shit. That exists, but don't let the fact that some of them exist give you a pass on some of the stuff you might be doing that's making these relationships not work. And I'm not saying it's even most, I'm not saying it's mostly your fault. I'm just saying like, is there stuff you could work on? Look deep within yourself. And if there is work on those, and if there's not, then yeah, I think you could find like,

there's definitely different types of people. There's definitely relationships you see all the time where the guy is kind of submissive in other ways and likes a strong woman that's out there for sure. Don't have an intimate relationship with anyone. You're in one. I'm in one of the most loving stable relationships. Straight. Straight pride. Straight pride. Straight pride.

So yeah, good luck, Tuts. Let us know how it goes. I'd love to, is that helpful at all? If you need a little follow up, let us know what in what ways you're strong and independent. Are these people trying to date you? I don't think so. Has anyone ever come on and just been like,

hey, what's in them bow? What did I go out on a date with you? Oh, I don't know. I think I have, I think I have hooked up with something that's called into the show, but she didn't tell me until after the show. The old show, not this one, the, the, the, the Twitch show.

I've definitely fucked people who like the show. That's for sure. But no, I don't think I've ever fucked anybody who's, who's for sure, but no, I don't think I've ever fucked anybody who's Who's called in but I'm not against it folks There's a 38 year old extremely independent bossy lady That does sound kind of nice. She's busy. You're busy. Yeah, we can figure it out. She doesn't Manhattan Mahatana I don't know if she'll come all the way out the queens though. You know what I mean?

She sounds like the kind of independent, strong woman that feels like it's too shitty to be, to live in Queens. I definitely have, my friends have dated, like girls, like rich women, and who are like, you live in Queens? Oh, like that happened to Soder before, where he was dating, he was dating so he lived, Soder, he was like on billions and like on tour

and he was still living under a bridge in a story. Yeah, but still, that's a sign of a fucking asshole if they judge where you live, I think. Everyone does think it is a suburb's out here. Fuck them, suck my dick. Queens is the best. A story a number one. Amazing restaurants.

Great restaurants. Better than fucking, you know, a lot of parts of Brooklyn can suck my fucking dick and balls. A lot of them. You're fucking, oh, you feel good displacing a black family, you fucking pieces of shit. Just be normal and displaced, a Greek family you fucking pieces of shit. Just be normal and displays a Greek family Exactly one for one find the racist stay together

One Greek in one Greek out Hit us with another one eldest Hey, Stasi baby. Oh, got a little pickle. And then going on since about 2020. Okay. Long story short, my sister was living with my husband and I. Oh, no. So those two you to be best friends.

Oh, no. Really close. Loves each other. They're in pandemic. Another family. My husband's best friend, him and his wife and three girls, would come over. We'd had our little pandemic pod of people we hung out with, kept it exclusive. My sister and the wife ended up I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I'm a real man.

I'm a real man. I'm a real man. I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where you see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where you see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I where I see where I see where I see where I see where I It's the kids have noticed, my kids have noticed it's bad. The family is trying to get him to, you know, forgive her, but his whole thing is I shouldn't have to compromise my feeling. Do you think I'm being unreasonable asking him to just put it all in the past and say it is what it is? We can't make people do or not do what we want them to What I don't know. What do I do? How do we move on from this?

Because I'm not going fucking separate every family's function No, okay This is fucking wild. We need to we need to map this out because stuff in the beginning out this so who scroll up for me? So she said my sister was living with my husband and I so Pandemic I'm a rich. I'm originally thinking sister fucks a husband classics. I saw you go there But this is fucking awesome. This is better So my husband's best friend, so we have her sister and husband over here, and we have husband's best friend

and wife, and they all have kids. And they're three kids. And they have, both families have kids, it sounds like, right? She has kids, she has kids, but. I think she said like my kids are noticing. Oh yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. Okay, yeah. Okay, cops are involved.

I mean. So her sister. Her sister fucked, and it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up.

And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. And it up. So it's like, right. So, and now her husband doesn't wanna go hang out

with her sister, is that correct? Yeah, he doesn't wanna, it sounds like he just hates the entire situation. Yeah. But she says family function. So yeah, we're probably assuming the sister, but the sister's probably maybe going as a couple of these family functions.

Look, here's the thing. And I know what you're saying And I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. And this is just my perspective. I couldn't get over this. I'm gonna be honest to you. At least you can't force it, start in 2020. It's not, in the grand scheme of things,

it has not been that long. I think at minimum, we're looking at a two year no thanks, giving, no Christmas cooling off period here. Like there's no, and you also have to see what happens with this relationship. Like in a weird way, it's either going to last or it's not. Like in the off chance, you're, I mean, you think this woman is a dumb bitch. Clearly, you call her a manipulative bitch. You clearly, it's clear where your loyalty's lying.

It's also your sister. I get that. Your husband's got a fucking boy. His best friend got cucked by, he doesn't want to see your sister, he doesn't want to see this person. I get where he's coming from. I, family, a family function. This is how I feel.

Yeah. As a Long Island rigid Jew. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. Friends are people you like. What? So, family is a lot of people you don't. You have to see.

And you just have to see. And now these people are just falling in the category of family. So you guess what, you gotta see him. I'm saying, like, I see I have a different take on this where it's like your family, you have to like your family. And if they do, like the bar is so low

for getting a family to be disqualified as a family member. Totally. Or if you do something fucked up enough to get disqualified, you deserve it. Right. You know what I mean? There's people in my family I don't talk to because they've done fucked up shit. And honestly, I'm better off for it.

I feel so much better about it. Now this is complicated because he doesn't really have a blood relation here, it's just his best friend. I mean, it's kind of like me and you, like if my brother cucked you, I would be like, dude, that's fuck, I would be like that sucks. You know, like I wouldn't, we all wouldn't want to hang out, you know? And you add the lesbian element to it, that's pretty fun.

That's like- That was an interesting at least. Yeah, that makes it sexy at least. I mean, it just goes back to my point of like sex is evil and we'll rule him out. You're right about that. Now scroll all the way down. So her issue here is that she's basically like, what the fuck do I do?

Yeah, she hates a woman, but her question technically seems like she's asking, how does she make the husband come around and just come to the damn picnic? I don't know. I mean, personally, I to the damn picnic. I don't know. I mean, personally, I'm with the husband. And I know what you're saying. I just, maybe if this was a judicial hearing,

I would have to recuse myself because I am for cutting people off. It's one of my favorite things in the world. If you've fucked me, if you've wronged me, I know it's this long, I mean. List is long, yeah, yeah, it's true. If you've wronged me, I'm not putting my energy into fixing this relationship.

I'm moving on and I'm having a better fucking life. Now, the kids, the kids is the, if it wasn't for the kids, I would say, you can't make them turn it around. He's right, this is how he feels. The kids is interesting because I would because I would still want my kids, these are what cousins, like you want the kids to hang out still.

But I gotta be honest, from my perspective, it does have to be separate family functions. It just does. From, this is just me, right? Sarah has a different perspective where you can just hang out with people you hate. But this is like- Do it every day.

But none of those people- None of those people fucked your best friend's wife. They're just a rude uncle. All the more I'm getting here is that the sister lived with them. Yeah. They like did her a fake job. Exactly. And her and the sister were friends. Like her, the sister and the husband were close.

Yeah. And she betrayed him in a way, not just his best friend. It's like a betrayal of trust on two different levels. And so I'm sorry, I'm with the husband here. And even though I get where you're coming from, you could never make me do this. You just couldn't. I would honestly put my foot down and it would start to cause problems between me do this. You just couldn't. I would honestly put my foot down

and it would start to cause problems between me and you. If we were like, if you insisted, if my significant other force, if she gave me an ultimatum, I would be like, I would be like, that's so fucked up of you to do this. Right. And also at that point,

you're like, you're gonna take your dumb bitch sister side. That's how I would start feeling. So you're telling me your sister's feelings and you not wanting to fucking go to two thanks giveings is more important than how I feel, that's how I would feel. And again, I have my own problems clearly they're coming out in this call. But I can't give an objective answer here, it seems really fucking fucked up and weird. If my brother fucked your boyfriend. Bad. Yeah.

I'd go, whoa. I'm not high. That would turn you sexual. I'm so happy. You'd be like, whoa, this is my thing the whole time. Well, okay. Game says fucking. Lauren's like, well, I just turned 30.

I have a new lease on it. Yeah. It's like, I'm just, shit people be like just people too crazy crap. I know, I know. But it's like I just I feel like you gotta, I don't know. This one's a hard one. Doesn't want to ever go to any family functions. I mean what how many do you have? That's what I say.

And also she's bringing her around. Your sister's the dumb bitch. Tell your sister to take this bitch out of Thanksgiving. What the fuck? This is crazy. He's not wrong. Your sister's bringing this dumb bitch around. That's crazy.

Your sister's the wrong one. Talk to your fucking sister if you want to talk to anybody. Like that's the thing. He's being penalized for being a more reasonable human being than her stupid bitch sister. That's what this is. You know you can't get through to the actual crazy one. So you're gonna try and get the reasonable person

to compromise their, like, you know, what they feel. Well, I'm like, I'm like, literally, that's the thing, it's like crazy people, you just have to detach or whatever. Or is this, these people are crazy enough to make these decisions, you're not going to change these people. Go to one Hanukkah. That's it.

One Hanukkah. You can go to one, fine. Maybe there's a point for some compromise here. Maybe you can go to one thing. But also the thing I was saying earlier is like, you might just wanna have to give it some time because what's gonna happen is either this will reveal itself to be your sister's true love, in which case it's weird and it's fucked up.

But. But wake up from her nightmare. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's one or the other. Either this woman sticks around, and if she sticks around, it means, okay, I'm obviously not gonna ignore my family for my whole life.

So I'm going, she does become, she gets grandfathered into this situation of like, well, families, people you have to see, at a certain point if they're married, if they have, you know, if her and this bitch get married, they're like, all right, fine, I'm gonna have to make peace with this, and but, or, you give it a couple of years, she's probably gone, let's be honest.

She's gonna cool off, she's in time out. She's gonna break up. they're probably gonna break up. She's probably gonna fuck some she's gonna fuck her She's gonna fuck your sister. She might fuck your husband Like this lady this lady's trouble either way so I Think it's it's not unreasonable to be like can we just give this a couple years? And I don't want to fucking and then if this bitch is still around in a couple years fine give this a couple years and I don't want to fucking, and then if this bitch is still around in a couple years fine, but I'm kind of with your husband and I don't know if I'm right or he's wrong.

Have you been betrayed a lot in your life deeply? I don't think so. I mean, no one's cheated on me. Right, like I've never experienced betrayal like this. That's why I kinda like- There was one girl who I was like kind of dating who did some fucked up shit on me. Right, like I've never experienced betrayal like this. That's why I kinda like- There was one girl who I was like kind of dating who did some fucked up shit to me. It is something I worry about for some reason.

I think it comes down to like, you know, just family shit of like, just like, just deep-seated shit of like, even if you weren't betrayed, you were always worried about it. I don't know. I don't know where it comes from, but I definitely have that feeling of like,

I've had a couple betrayals, but yeah. And that's where it's like, I will net, like if I'm like, there's people where I'm like, if I see you, I will fuck you up. And so it's better that we never see each other. Sure. Sure. And that's not that many people, you know.

There's only one that comes to mind. For the cameras to be off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. You know, like, sure. And that's not that many people. You know, there's only one that comes to mind. For the cameras to be off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's definitely people that have done fucked up. Shouldn't there's shit that I have allowed to happen to, you know, I have allowed people to do that. But yeah, I'm just, I always, if someone has crossed me, they're gone as far as I'm concerned.

Told. And there's, I don't think that's a wrong thing. Yeah. Like a family member is one thing. If it's somebody that's worth working on a relationship, but if it's like a friend who just like betrays you and it's like, well, you're not worth this. So anyway, good luck.

I'm sorry. Can this person call back? I love more. Yeah, I love you. This would be a great live call. This would be like two minutes and there's still not enough detail I know and you can tell she's only getting warmed up by the end You hear how mad she got at the end because I'm not fucking going to shit. Yeah, I love her content

Like just sneaking through. Yeah, you sneak in fucking manipulative bitch all that stuff really good stuff Let's get a time check out this how long we've been going we're at 137 right now It's starving by the way. Yeah, yeah, we can have a little snack Why don't we do why don't we do one more? What do you say Sarah? I want a really crazy? You want a really good? That was I mean this really I want it probably not but if there could be one like in the arena I'll just do you have anything? I got something Because that was like big elves got it I mean, yeah, it's not topping that but

You start playing a phone call I had a different. I had a personal voicemail. It's my physical therapist I have to I have to go to Mars. Yes. He wants to change my appointment All right, let's hear it. The show. Thank you, Brian. I appreciate it for every episode. Basically I'm calling because my sister hasn't My sister has a dog, right? And basically, she had him for about, I want to say, like, three and a half or years now. And my parents, the dog he's pissed in all over the house, honestly. And at first, she was trying to make it a thing that, you know, she was never getting trained, and you know, you're to make it a thing that you know she was gonna get trained in here to get a good fix and then

and she went back and forth saying like oh well i would feel your balls were cut off what i'm not a fucking dog you never got fixed you never got poddy trained so at this point my mom had it up to here with this goddamn dog i love him he's not technically my dog is my sister my sister's dog, but I have a pretty close relationship with my sister, you know, I love her to death. And I don't know, man, I guess what I'm trying to get out is that my mom wants to give the dog away. And she wants to make it seem like

you're in a way. How old is your sister? And not tell my sister anything. She knows that if she's out to fit your hay, you know, a fucking Bubba is going away. She's in the flip out on her and going to cause this whole thing. But also, if he stays and keeps shit and pissing all over the place on mom has you will break down the oh also she wants to keep it secret so I'm just stuck in the middle of all this you know

to tell my sister and you know prevent her from having some baniment issue shit or whatever from this dog she loves the new eye child she child or she's not. You go, yeah. I don't know. Anyway, let me know what you think later babe. Yeah, this is the child, it's gotta be a child. We know, but doesn't the sister have wheat scroll? No, because he said the sister said she'll take care of getting at fixing stuff.

I mean, she has to be like, you know, at least her late teens or something. But it also sounds like they're both living with mom. Right. So I don't know. Wait, no, I think we can assume. Have to get your dog fixed or wait. No, you don't have to know.

But don't you like, like, we had a friend whose dog, she didn't get the dog's paid. And every time the dog got a period, they put like a diapers on her. And there's like a dog like in bleeding in the some pamper isn't shit. You're just playing Xbox and you're like oh there's the fucking dog. Hope none of her pussy blood gets everywhere as I'm trying to eat nacho mama's wings. Um, cause at this point the dog is ruined. So now you're forceding a poorly behaved dog onto another, I think you got a colon

like a really intense like Israeli guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So fucking do boot camp on this fucking dog. The dog needs to be trained. Also, it's like your mom is not wrong here. The dog is shitting and pissing in her house. It's disgusting. The dog's got, here's the,

the only other way this can be fixed. It becomes an outdoor dog. You gotta go snoopy with it. Give it a dog house. I mean, you sound poor. You and your adult sister are still living with your mom. So maybe you don't have that much yard space for a dog. But this has to be a fucking outside dog

if it's not gonna get potty trained. This is fucking that's fucking crazy If I had a dog shitting and pissing in my house, I'd be pissed off too Well, that's what my my mom would just kill me. Yeah, yeah, I wouldn't even get to this I you would have seen in the news that Sarah was shot execution stride between the eyes my arm mother Yeah, yeah, I like how did it even get here? I know this is this is legitimately insane I Like how did it even get here? I know, this is legitimately insane. I think you should get this dog away. Maybe is it animal rights? Are you helping animal rights if you assist

and giving this dog to someone who can is better equipped to take care of it? Yeah, I mean, he's also, but the problem then is like, what does a sister do? Right like his sister's gonna be pissed off. Right. He also you also say you love the dog And well, why don't you do this shit? You don't want to right? That's the real answer here. You could step in and do all this shit and you love the dog and everything But it does shit in your house

That's fucking crazy. What do you mean he never got potty train? That's so fucking wild. So there's just shit and piss and pee and poop everywhere, as far as I can see? Yeah, that's gross. And he's saying his mom is having breakdowns. It's affecting your mother's mental health. And this is years. Yes, three and a half, that's pre-pandemic.

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. Potty training is one thing. What is this to compromise? three pandemic. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Well, what is our dogs like crazier with their not fix or something like yeah, they're more annoying behave a little better They're more annoying. I don't think if you get I don't think like fixed dogs are potty trained necessarily right right Yeah, I mean the dog should get its nuts chopped off for sure I think you call in a more control on your while your sister's out of the house and then you get more control on your sister's out of the house. You get animal control to collect the dog. The dog gets its shit corrected by a really scary Israeli guy.

He teaches the dog, Krav Maganik, goes to a brilliant and spam like. This is weird though, because this also shows their mom is not a great mom. Instead of like, she's let the daughter get away with this shit, it's three and a half years. She doesn't want to have a fucking conversation about it. She's not like, the dog gets fixed or it's out. Or you're out, we're all out. Yeah, so it's like, your mom's a little complicit here too.

And what needs to happen is, truly, your sister needs to just fix this shit. And if it doesn't happen, like, here's the thing. Has your mom given the sister an ultimatum? Has she been like, look, we can't deal with this. You have to spend money to get it trained. You have to get it fixed. And, or you can either, you can literally,

you were the dog, either the dog goes or you end the dog go. You know what I mean? She can give her that ultimatum. And if this is like, fuck you bitch, cause it sounds like again, your white trash. Fuck you, you fucking whore. She's those amount and do it, your mom's head, a full can. And so she's got at least do that.

If your mom has had this conversation with her and she doesn't want to kick her daughter out, I see where she's coming from in terms of like letting the dog run away, but here's the other thing. I mean, I guess they're gonna give it away. I was gonna say, if you just release the dog, he might just come back.

There's not other, there's not many other two bedroom apartments he can shit all over the carpet in. I am also thinking we're only alive once, right? Okay. When in your life do you get to team up with your mom to do a crazy life? Yeah. It's like kind of like an amazing experiment.

That is kind of fun. Whereas like you sit down with your mom and you guys literally do like exterior day. Like you like we like this is a chance for like pure storytelling. And like maybe you're an incredible actor and you don't know. It's true. Like challenge yourself to come up with the craziest lie. And this could be a test to see how good of a liar are you, how good of a performer are you, how good of a weaving of narrative. I think that you should give the dog away,

find it a better home. I think the sister comes home and you see, can you cry? Like she walks in and you're like, oh, she's like, what's wrong? Bubbles gone. What happened? This like literally these guys came into the house

with like machine gun. I just think it's like, well, that life's too short to not see what kind of crazy thing. I agree, that's a great point. You should do that. You should fucking put on a whole performance. But look, either he's an outside dog,

but again, I don't think you have fucking guns. What is that? What's an outside dog, but again, I don't think you have a fucking guy. What is that? What's an outside dog? Dog doesn't come in the house. Who does that? Old school, bro. That's how dogs used to be. You know, that's, that is some fucking foreigner shit. Greek people do not respect dogs. Dogs do not come in Greek homes, truly. Like, maybe in America, they do, but not in Greece. In Greece, they're in the fucking yard. That's a fucking pets and animal. A little Jewish family, a little tiny Jewish b-shon.

Yeah. That dog stays on mommy's lap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a little, I do have some foreigner in me where I'm like, ah, the dog in my fucking bed. That's gross. That's disgusting. Yeah, but a lot of people do that.

I don't know. So look, you're kind of fucked here. Your family clearly had, this is just a symptom of a larger problem of your family having poor communication skills. And you're not going to fix it over this dog, but I get where your mom's coming from and your sister's going to either have to fucking fix the dog,

like fix it as in like potty, you know, spend money to train it, get its nuts chopped off, or she's gonna have to just like fold and do whatever the fuck your mom wants from my perspective anyway. Dogs are a good lesson in like every decision you make has consequence. When you make mistakes with a dog,

that is 30 years of a problem. Yeah. For however long dogs live. Like you just created a problem for 10 years. That's 30, no one's thinking fucking dogs live. What the fuck? I'm 30, so I'm getting put down. Yeah.

Yeah, dude, sorry. I don't fucking know what to tell you. You could also just, you could make it look like the dog tried to attack you and then you could kill it with your bare hands. Let's also be honest, this dog gets, your mom gives this dog away. It's going to a fucking shelter. Let's also be honest, this dog gets, your mom gives this dog away. It's going to a fucking shelter.

People are gonna be like, this dog shit's everywhere. I'm not a thing. And they're gonna get, that boy's getting fucking put down. And let's just cutiss hell who knows. But yeah dude, sorry. Best case scenario, your dog gets pretty womaned

by a rich family. And it gets trained, it gets everything nice. But. He gets my fair lady. Yeah, absolutely. They turn that hoe into a housewife. Good luck, hope of the dog survives and hope your family survives. But I think that's going to do for us folks.

Sarah, you got anything you want to plug? Yeah, AW. It's so good. It's truly the best diet soda. I'm going on tour. Yeah's truly the best diet soda. I'm going on tour. Yeah, go see Sarah on tour. Where we going?

Austin. Sarah. San Francisco. Sarah.com. Sarah.com. Yeah, go to Sarah.com all the time. Sometimes I'm on TV. Yeah, yeah.

How can you people watch it? Yeah. Yeah. Retweet or, you know, like the TikTok, any TikToks you see of Sarah from SNL. That's how children are watching it. I'm scared of that. I haven't seen any TikToks of me and I don't want to know. Loud, ugly Jewish woman.

I don't know if you're missing out. Thank you guys for listening. Thanks, Sarah, for coming on the show. and we'll talk to you guys next time bye bye That's fun I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?

We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms, and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile.

Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.