Stavvy's World - [UNLOCKED] Stavvy's World Bonus #99 - Live Call Show Vol. 17 w/ Robert Kelly

Episode Date: October 25, 2024

LET'S START A CULT is in theaters now!! To celebrate, we are unlocking this live call episode with my co-star, dear friend, on-screen AND real-life father, and former fat barometer Robert Kelly. Enjoy me and Bobby in this episode -- and in LET'S START A CULT, out now. Get your tickets at https://stavvy.biz/movie Robert Kelly returns to the podcast to talk about what playing Stav and Ethan Supplee’s dad in LET’S START A CULT and impart his paternal wisdom directly to callers in Live Call Show Vol. 17!! Bobby and Stav help callers including a guy whose girlfriend gets hit on constantly, a guy whose sister-in-law is convinced that he’s gay, and a man who describes the fallout of a traumatic high school experience that made national headlines. Watch LET'S START A CULT in theaters now!! Get your tickets at https://stavvy.biz/movie Join us at Q&A screenings in NYC (10/25 & 10/26) and Brooklyn (10/29). Get your tickets: https://stavvy.biz/movie Follow Robert Kelly on social media: https://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive/ https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ If you'd like to be a part of future live call episodes, subscribe at www.patreon.com/stavvysworld to get access to the Stavvy's World Discord channel where these live calls are taken. Have a question for a regular episode? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BenMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas drift excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat and Roulette. Download the BenMGM casino app today. BenMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BenMGM.com for T's and C's, 19 plus to wait your Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge.

BitMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Let's Start a Cult, our little indie movie that I wrote. I'm starred in with a couple of my friends and Bobby Kelly plays my father in it. It comes out today in theaters in a handful of big cities. Look, it's technically theaters. OK, but go see it. We're just doing this as a little extra bonus to put awareness of Let's Start a Cult out there and also so you can enjoy a fun live episode. We do these on the on the Patreon every month. We have at least one or two of these. We like to talk to you directly.

So here's a little taste. If you like this kind of episode, we do them every month and more importantly, go see Let's Start a Cult and now let's start the music. I'll play the theme song. Scoop do do booboo, it's me and the Jew. It's me. Hopa. Hopa, hey. Hey Hey everybody welcome to Stavisworld. Bobby Kelly on the couch giving us a

maybe a better version of the theme song. I like that. Bye bye scoobity doo hoo. What is he? Is he Greek? He's Albanian. Albanian. First of all. Oh yeah I forgot about that. We've gone over this. gone over this scared last time Something over there cuz that that eyebrow hair and pubic hair that connect. Yeah, I mean Jesus man It's Balkan for sure who shaves their eyes Mm-hmm who has to shave? He does side of this is nothing for me. Yeah, it's pretty hairless. Honestly right now He's very hairless came from he came from the beach

No, what got that beach that beach blonde hair still? He put he put like a leave-in beach beach treatment as you should do looks good guy. You look fantastic Yeah, Bobby wants to suck you off. Oh, yeah, not that I want to yeah, but I don't want to I wouldn't I don't think I'd be able to suck him off. You need more petite. I wouldn't need more petite. I just, you know, like he would laugh goofy or he'd. It would ruin it for you.

Yeah, and look up and he'd be like, ha ha ha ha. And I'd be like, you like it? And he's like, sure. Yeah. He wouldn't give me like a definite. He would give me like, yeah, it's cool. Like some weird thing. And you would need that.

You would need. I want that. Positive reinforcement. some way you would need that you would need I want Mission if I'm gonna blow you I want fucking I want this Cuz I want to give that back So to be clear if you're gonna have a sex you want so to be clear if you're gonna have a case that you want passionate gay sex Like you know those half sentences you fucking yeah You do that fucking you're too overcome by a motion for punctuation. Yeah, I want some fucking crying Yeah, I want anger now. How far do you think you are? You thank you the regs. Yeah, there you go. Oh, thank you. Yeah Let's see how much bigger your head is the mind my head's shrunken. It has my shrunken my head

What is it? Why why why not that you have flies this town where you live has these things? Okay, I live in a story of Queens and it's garbage Town did you have to live with everything? Beautiful town dude you have to live with everything I mean I saw I Mean everything walked by me You got a fucking Mexican the most diverse you got in the world you got fucking Legal Mexicans illegal men you check their status you got fucking Arabs you got Jews you got fucking Greeks you got You got gay

This nothing wrong with that my fucking fucking they them coffee right on the corner No, they call these in New Hampshire. What's that? I'm up in Hampshire I went up to get my coffee and I was like, can I get this this and this goes? Oh, you want a weirdo coffee? That's what I love you like coming here to feel like that the alpha regular guy Here's but everywhere else you're the gayest guy in that town. In the townships you're in. Well, here's the problem.

This is how you look now, let's not forget, you were a little Latino passing twink when you first moved to New York. I was never a little Latino passing twink. I was sexy muchacho. I was muchacho. You've become now a suburban father with the salt and pepper beard and your pickup truck Well, it's impossible to park in the city that you don't know you don't need I don't need that hauling power I should have to let that's how you are now

You're right. I should have to let I should have took Alexis. You're right, I should have took Alexis. The reason why I have the truck, because because I do, I have two homes. That's true. I have a house in New Hampshire that we have to throw all the kayaks and the stuff in. And then I have the, now I moved up to.

Maybe you should edit that out. I don't want a bunch of your fans milling around. Yeah, of course. Have you seen, even though Ryan Reynolds lives in my town. Oh, look at that. Martha Stewart, Edie Falco. I mean, the list goes on. And now, of course, Sag Rider Union rep Robert Kelly.

A writer? I don't know if I would have led with that. I'm in the writer's union. You punched up a couple episodes of Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll. I am? Yeah. How do I get in the writer's? Here's the thing. You punched up a couple episodes of Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll? I am. Yeah.

How'd I get in the right? Here's the thing. You're like, Bobby, great performer. I don't know that Hemingway springs to mind when I think of you. I know how I got in the right. I'm trying to think how I got into it. Well, we did Cheat, the movie Cheat.

Oh, okay. I had to join. You wrote that with Burr and DeRosa. Burr and DeRosa. Yes. And DeRosa took all the credit. Unbelievable too, swear to God. We're at the premiere, we got into Tribeca Film Festival.

And we're at the premiere and they bring the people up. They just brought the director up. Wow. DeRosa, and he thanked everybody. And he didn't bring us up. Wow. That's crazy. I just want to thank everyone.

Directing has always been a dream. What the fuck? Anyways, I digress. Based on a book you did with them, right? No, the book was based on a movie we did. So we wrote the movie, filmed it ourselves, much like a U. Right, like, Let's start a cult,

and it's out in theaters today. Right now, that's why you have Bobby here in part, and you will be thanked, by the way. I don't know that we're bringing you up on stage, but we'll thank you. You know, we'll- Listen, I don't expect- You do a nice wave from the theater.

I'm not even going, so. That's my, that's my- They're lucky they got me on Fourth of July. wave from the theater. I'm not even going. They're lucky they got me a Fourth of July. No, I mean, look, man, the thing is talk about writing. I'm in the writers union. I don't know what a semicolon is. I know which is pretty.

And I love that about you. I don't know that the semicolon is the two dots or the dot with the other dot with the comma underneath. And what does that do? And it don't know, the semicolon is the two dots or the dot with the other squiggly? It's the dot with the comma underneath. And what does that do? And it's, you know what's interesting about it? It has the same function essentially as a period. It's kind of a nerd's period.

A nerd's period. When you want it to be a little more connected, the two clauses that it's separating are a little more connected than two separate sentences. Since you bring it up, a clause? Right. Is that like Santa? Yeah, it's like Santa.

This business is wacky. I mean, come on. We had a fucking chubby Greek made a movie. And put a fucking, used to be chubby, will be chubby again, Italian Irish, slash Mexican American Indian, Yugoslavian, into your movie movie as your dad this is a fucking world we live in how did it feel to play the father of not only me me It's a stretch, but it's at least theoretically possible if you had like you had a kid young Yeah, you were also playing Ethan suplease father and Ethan is like four years We did the math it was so funny you guys like could have been he could have been like middle school while you were a senior

more of a man Than anyone ever met yes I'm sitting there like this is gonna fly you like you I remember you look you at Yeah, no getting there. I'm like, ah, this was a fucking... Because, you know, you know, I'm like, Ethan's my friend, he used to be fat, he's a real actor. Real.

No way he's gonna be in my movie. Real. I'm clear to cash Bobby as the dad. Ethan's gonna say no. And you fucked up. You fucked up. Ethan says yes. I'm sort of locked into the Bobby now is the dad I love you knew I wasn't gonna say no

I said no, I go is skanks fest East happening that weekend Bobby Fest Aruba their They're partnering with Ray Allen. Do not put that in Lewis' fucking brain. The Skankfest cruise is that weekend. I can't make it. Skankfest Cuba does. Common does it.

Everything you believe in. No, it looked fun. If it was in New York, I want but Vegas is just tough, man. I don't want to go to. Yeah. Why would you go to the place where everything is fucking ridiculous and is fucking it's crazy and.

Yeah. Fun. And I don't want to do that. I'm done having fun. You're done having fun. Really? Yeah. What's this about? This is just, you know, what? Hey, what's what's this about?

What's excuse me? What's all hey, what's what's this? Should have an agent who's good at his job instead of my best friend What's the flip-flops that don't fit? Hey, come on, these are orthotic. How such thing is an orthotic flip flop? You put your foot in these, you're going to love them. They're orthotic. You bought them in a store where you can buy ham. No, no, no. They might have that appearance.

I'm wearing prescription flip flops. That is the fattest thing. And I've heard fat things. I had a dog. Oh, you have you ever? I don't like your fat on fat crime. Yeah. Oh, have you ever? Well, you abandoned me. I didn't abandon you.

You abandoned the fat lifestyle. I saw a picture of how fat used to be, and I am happy for you. But it also I was like, I am. I actually. You're not. You're not happy. You have to know, because I've been where you, but it also I was like I am I actually Know cuz I've been where you're at Don't project you do not project you have me as your fat barometer You were like you had pictures of me. I passed you good. I passed you last year Number one you are correct. You were my fat barometer

You know what I much prefer what happened to my fat barometer than what happened to your fat barometers? You know how sad I was? You know how sad I was? When Patrice, Ralphie May, and Joe Funette died and someone on the internet the night fucking Ralphie died went, how does it feel to be the fattest comic? Yeah, it's like when a little boy is thrust into the kingdom because his father and uncle both die in war

you're like, I guess I'm the fattest comic now yeah being listen I am happy for you but yes I saw a picture because I was going through pictures cuz Ari I did Ari's travel podcast a Shafir oh yeah yeah yeah yeah the guy who shits. Yeah, she has her uh, yeah, there's hemorrhoids one of the greats Well, let's not get carried away He's a great. I love him, but one of the greats one of the great Jews Lot of Nobel Prize winners in the tribe. They'll just fucking fly. I know. But I saw how fat you were, and it was like,

you were a great looking fat guy also, by the way. To be that fat and you had just a nice energy about you. I just got scared. I thought you were gonna use the word obese. Well, I just I Guess I won't use it You don't want to hear it. I won't say it. That's the n-word for fat That's when you tack morbid on Morbid is hard R. Morbid is hard R.

Obese is soft A. I remember, I'm a pseudo doctor, she's like, you're morbidly obese. I went, what the fuck? How dare you? How dare you, man? How dare you use that saying? How dare you use an accurate scientific term

to describe me? But there was just a, it was like seeing that and being like, wow, I really lost that insanely fat version of Bobby. You know, which I'm glad, I'm trying never to be as fat. Doesn't sound like you're a little sad that your old fat buddy isn't coming over here with some fog in his pocket.

Well, no, I am happy because we would both die. You know what I mean? But there's something, you know when it's like you have a bad relationship that's not good for you, but you're like, wow, we had that one weekend in Hawaii that I wish I could time travel back to, but I don't want that person in my life day to day. I'm glad you're not that person day to day,

but if I could just time travel for 24 hours, we could live in a Korean barbecue restaurant. You know what I mean? Just some dumplings. Just a dim sum place. Korean barbecue restaurant Just some dumplings Dim sum place late night if we could just take a You're in a VR and we're just at that Chinese restaurant in Boston Oh, we went hallow yeah, okay, we want to call us to but then we went to down to the real place Who we go with Eugene Merman Eugene Merman. Yes, your idols the guy is not my idol. Isn't this his statue?

I'm sorry. Am I that's not you. No, that's not you. Do you had a statue made of you? No, no, no, but doubt but anyway, I that was the time where you talk that was in fact the restaurant where you instituted The I'm not allowed to have the first of anything rule where I had to wait for you to open up Eating I you basically I was a vampire that has to first of anything rule, where I had to wait for you to open up eating. You basically, I was a vampire that has to be invited in. Yes, because you took it too far. Yeah, I know. You, you, you.

And we've covered it, I'm just saying that was it. You've had single lonely fat rules to group fat rules. Different things, dude. I wasn't allowed the first or the last one, and I think that's sound fat leadership on your part I I invented also you got to eat your crust. That's true I invented that with Quinn cuz that's he's another family doesn't need crusts We ate if I mean a pizza with him and he's and he's putting his so you get the pizza sure and as a fat person

When you get a pizza, you're looking at every slice where am I going where is he it's a There is a ranking of slices you yes all here. It's done in a fucking balloon I don't want the huge bubble with no cheese bubble no cheese across this burnt Maybe I want that am I in the most you're going through that pizza in seconds, and you're going I'm gonna go here Oh, there's a not lopsided cut, and then he's gonna go here. I'm pretty sure he's gonna go here I'm gonna go here then he's gonna go here. I'm pretty sure he's gonna go here. I'm gonna go here then he's gonna go That's cool cuz I'll go here Yes, but you you when you look over and

He his his crust is there and he went for the slice that you were going for But you couldn't go for just still chewing your crust and then you look over There's a pile of crust now. We're eating the same slices You're so right amount, but he ate all the good ones Yeah, he got there quick and I was like you got to eat your crust because I saved for the end I go that's illegal no way or what you would have to do is start the meal with a draft You should start the meal with a pizza. Yes draft where it like dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs, dibs. Yeah, I'm gonna take this one.

Where are you going? I'm gonna go there. Great, I'm gonna go here. I like that. I'm gonna take the bubble, but you're gonna take the burnt crust with only two pepperonis. That's fine.

I'm gonna take the three pepperoni, four pepperoni, and if I pull that out, if some of your cheese comes off, I get it. Yeah, I get it That's oh, that's another thing to negotiate who gets stuck on the paper cheese rights There's a lot when you're a fat person a lot goes into it. Absolutely, you know just it but now yeah I don't have any of those problems. Mmm, like we go to eat dude. My wife said, where do you want to go? I go I don't give a shit interesting. I don't care. I'm only having a little bit of whatever the whatever we get Yeah, I'm only having a little bit and I'm done. I'm tapping the fuck out. So I don't get food to me right now

Don't give a shit at all You're free. I'm free dude. I love that. I'm free. I love free it sucks Because I'm thinner, but I there's always I don't know if you have this I've always had this dream mind that I would become Brad Pitt and Fight Club never have that dream I haven't you used to be hot. That's the key difference in our types of fat is that I know only this you were a piece of ass From probably, you know when you were an adolescent until when well, no, I was the first fat The first fat was sixth grade lonely lonely sixth grade divorce stepfather used to beat me Got fat sixth grade section. Mr. DiPersio took me in, took me to the father son dinner as my dad, he was a jogger, he got me into running.

We were in the sixth grade Olympics, 440, little fat Bobby came up, Kelly, Kelly, I want you to win the 440. And I won, I beat this fast, lightning fast black kid, Eddie, Eddie, whoo who was he thin and fast? Yeah, I fucking muscle the mouth Push through and I won and that's the Boston version of the tortoise in the hair Fat white kid in the and this fast black kid, you know Eddie kept stopping to talk to girls and pickpocket but me I just

Whitely looked ahead and slowly but surely won the 440 he kept playing pickup basketball games and shoplifting Arizona ice tees but not me yeah that kid yeah bleep that out we're not being paid for that already sorry but I make it blurry just well just when he plugs it my they them coffee nothing wrong with that they them snow how to make a nice coffee some both a them I love to hear where this is going to say some about they that please please get on the record I

yeah I will not I will not go into a bakery unless there is a gay flag. Is that where you got the- If there's not a lesbian couple or a couple dykes. Okay. If there's not gay people baking my stuff, I ain't going. I'm not going. Yes, you want either that or you want,

doesn't even speak English, fresh off the boat. I don't want him anymore. Oh really? Because he's a bit too old. They're too old. They're too old, they made money, their kids are like, Dad, I don't wanna work at the bakery anymore.

What about the fresh, they, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah, because he's like, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, and his hands don't work, right? You're right, you're right. He's starting to burn the rolls. Yeah, yeah, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh I want gay I want a gay gay yeah, I want it where are you our butter we make it in the back every Yeah, that sounds awesome. I mean that does sound great. It is we have up in New Hampshire, bro up in New Hampshire Anywhere the gays go

Anywhere they go they make it Better I agree. It is better. How's the foliage? Up in New Hampshire? You going? I haven't been yet. I'm going up, after this, we're actually going, I'm leaving Friday to go film Comedy Camp.

Nice. It's happening. Love it, hell yeah, dude. Me, Norton, Yamanika, and Bobby Lee. Love that, great combo. It's five days in the woods. No electricity Wow no self-service No agents no craft services Wow Woods Wow and us

Mmm, how do you survive? Well, what are we doing for fun in between? Well, we're gonna be doing bushcrafting They're gonna have to learn how to do things got to learn how to get processed wood light fires make a shelter They're gonna have I mean dude all this stuff. We have a survival person that's gonna help everybody learn to do stuff But it is going to shut it down. It was shitting outside Shitting outside buddy. We're gonna be in the middle of nowhere. We have to find your own tree But we're gonna be in the middle of nowhere where you have to find your own tree Dig your own little latrine damn and poop Matt and then that's awesome. Yeah, it's it's I'm getting a little nervous yeah, we we hit the cab we went to Maine after I did Rhode Island and

Just to take some nude photographs in the woods. I'm sorry Straightly, might I add. Of course. Of course with you. Just me and two of my buddies hitting a cabin and being straight and being naked. It sucks being your friend. It really does. Just straight gay photos. What a bore.

You're never dabbling enough. It's true. You're never dabbling in nothing. It's true. You're never dabbled. It's true. I don't even have your street cred, Bob. No, you're just a straight guy doing gay things. Sucks.

I don't even have trying to find happy ending massages through the phone book. No. And ending up in a gay place and being like, I'm here. First of all, it wasn't a gay place, straight place, but they were busy. And when I looked down, it was a guy's foot in a women's flip flop. And when I looked up and I went yo, and he went we were busy. And I went hey, I respect you. Oh fuck. We, I keep, I'm forgetting because I enjoyed talking to you so much, we did this a lot because we decided we needed some real fatherly advice to our callers. Because we have people on the line right now.

Right now? Live. I forget you have fans. I always forget. I'm supposed to be doing my shows where it's like, we have one caller. It's like, Bill, we talked to you man, but like, come on, enough. Where the guy just knows you. It's just the same as Lou.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Lou. Yeah, what's up? What do we got? I'm here. Because I forget we probably have a bunch waiting, don't we, all this? Yeah, a bunch waiting.

Now, fatherly advice. Because we just, we could literally just do a podcast for three hours without even trying between us we have you we could have we could literally just do a podcast for three hours without even Trying between us. Yeah So we want to say one of my biggest regrets in life. He's not going. Hey start want to do this with me Fucking Nick Mullin Yeah, it is it is hilarious how how you you launched every successful podcaster Every big the biggest shows in New York all trace directly back to you

And you're going fucking you're shitting in the fucking woods with Yamanika next week I mean everybody you need the soil The soil of podcasting the greatest top soil there is folks you're looking at him right now Rip yourself out and put yourself into the world. My soil has room for one. Let's get yeah so uh let's get advice from some of the finest podcasting soil in the universe. Let's go father the advice. Yeah I mean you're the only father we've had do the live falls. The only father in this room that's ever going to exist. Well, who's the father in this room that's ever gonna exist? Not me!

Cause you're alone in your house Eldest will have kids He will not cause you'll force him to do this forever Two straight men acting gay in a room alone Nobody's home, we're still in Queens Cause I love diversity, I love inclusion, I love different people of all different races running around my house, that's why I dress homeless so they don't bother me. That's a great song man.

What do we got? Oh yeah, Phil could use that as the opener. What's going on Eugene? Who do we got? Oh, yeah. Phil, who's that as the opener? What's going on, Eugene? Who do we got here, eldest? Elf, are you there? Elf, unmute. Are you on CB radio?

Roger that. Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf. Don't embarrass me in front of Bobby. Yeah, I'm I'm thoroughly embarrassed. Fuck, Elf, I'm embarrassed for you. This is nuts. I mean all this stuff you have a light That's you have a statue you have a couch you got off the side of the street Fuck alpha who else we got okay, I'm popping us in pop us in baby. We can't smoke right now. Okay. We'll save for Thanksgiving Wait alpha I

Heard a little beep. Oh you really need to get that Asian you are yeah, I know you're really blowing it His confidence stinks to alpha There is alpha Yeah, alpha you there we can hear you. Oh, what's up. Elfo. Yeah, Elfo, you there? We can hear you. Oh, what's up, guys? Sorry, buddy. What's up, Elfo? What's your you're on with me and Robert Kelly? What's plaguing you, my friend?

Before you get into your your trauma, the name is a God given name. Is this some nickname that you gave yourself so you can look cool in front of the weird chicks? It was my Call of Duty name. There you go. Fuckin' respect, mine's You Stink Too. So when you kill me, it says you killed You Stink Too. And you know that you suck too, Alpho.

A very defensive name, Bob. It really is. That resigns you to failure. It's a name planned around failure. Yeah, it does. What's going on, Elfo? So, I wanted some advice on how to respond to guys always hitting on my girlfriend. Ooh, interesting. That's what you gotta do, ready? Let him give us a little context. Go ahead. You're talking to a guy who definitely would have tried to fuck your girlfriend.

Yes. In his prime without question. I'll do it now. That way you know her barometer. That she should fuck anybody. All right. Hit us, babe. So I'm 22. I'm white and she's black. No shit. And we live in the city together. And whenever we step outside or like go to a bar or something And we hold hands or anything. There's always black guys always glaring at me giving me a death glare. No

No, we've got a future JD Vance voter being being born in real time. We've got a future fucking Yeah, I mean we get straight out right now. You gotta move That's not it's Squam Lake in New Hampshire up in a holding us, New Hampshire Okay, so you're out and about anytime a black guy sees you with your black girlfriend they're like shorty. What are you doing with him? They don't say that but like they but sometimes we'll be at a bar and I'll leave her for a second, I'll come back. And they'll be hitting on her and I don't know what to do. Or like a dude grabbed her ass in the bar

and I didn't really know what to do. I'll tell you what to do. Or like we'll be at the grocery store and I'll leave her for like a minute, I'll come back. And there's a six two guy just like flirting with her. She sounds like a bad bitch to be honest with you. If all it takes is a minute away. you know, bro, you gotta learn how to rap Challenge them to a cipher

And you're talking to me My girls, but she's not a slut you motherfucking mutt get away bitch before I fucking chew you And that's why I'm gonna fucking use yin-chu on you. Oh wow you gotta learn the martial art of yin-chu Don't get shit like that They respect you You gotta spit, kid. You gotta spit. They respect you. It's the only way they respect you.

It's the only way they're gonna respect you if you fucking, you throw a nice fucking rat paddle at him. And then he'll fail, right? He's gonna fail. You're gonna say, whatever, yo. And his girlfriends just look at him like, when did you become this racist? His black girlfriend's like,

I'm actually gonna go suck this guy off. Now. Listen, dude, here's the problem. Um, you're dating a black chick and you're, you're, you're a white guy, right? So when you walk back up, listen, dude, you got to get a white chick. Easy suburbs, Bob. I'm sorry. You know what? I messed up.

I messed up. It's a new world out there. No, it's really that what you're describing is not that new. This has been going on forever. Hey, dude, this happened once in the Bronx Tale. Here's what you do. Get in the car. She opens the door tail with your girlfriend and just be like hmm this is how it should be listen man you gotta respect we respect the black

guy though they don't give a shit they don't give a shit. They see, what's your name again? Elfo. Yeah. Here's another tip, don't tell them that. I need you to learn how to rap. We're gonna change your name. Sound like Jake or something. So what kind of guy, Elfo, what kind of guy, tell us a little bit about this relationship.

How did you meet? Also what kind of guy are you you you don't seem to you don't strike me as a maybe an athlete A ripped guy. What do you got going on? And how did you and your girl meet? We've been on Bumble. Okay I'm pretty average height. I lift a lot. So okay, and I play rugby. Oh Interesting you worried about alfoe yeah listen man walk the fuck up let me tell you something hit him in the ankles so you actually are a straw so this is you're not physically intimidated this is just an annoying thing you constantly have to deal with basically and like I

feel like insecure when I like grab her Hey, I'm trying to move her away or like be more aggressive Sure, then like I feel like a bitch when I do it don't do anything right right I don't really know which one to do don't do it. You're gonna do the middle bubba you do the middle You're gonna walk up like what's up, man? She's hot right? Yeah, too bad. You don't got her and walk away walk up She's smoking hot right? Yeah, too bad you don't got her. And walk away. Walk up, she's smoking hot, right? I did it. Yeah, actually.

And grab her hand and go, don't even touch her, go like this. Come here. Yeah. Hold out a sugar cube for her. Yeah, I mean, look, here's the thing. This is wildly annoying, but I do think all you can do is not be,

you're right, you feel insecure, whatever. But I do think all you can do is not be, you're right, you feel insecure, whatever. You just have to act like, okay, like, oh, hey, how we doing? Be like, what's up, man? Like literally talk to, as if it's just a human being, and just keep it moving, like, oh, hey, man. I don't know, it's just like, whenever somebody's hitting on your girlfriend, you just, you can't seem or like or like you're scared or

Training day you ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end give that But don't come don't give it context just do it and then go let's go and then walk away What's that's good? That's good. That's the rapping, the King Kong speech. Or the true romance speech from Christopher Walken. Yeah, I don't know. I wouldn't give the Dennis Hopper. These aren't Italian.

They were Sicilian, maybe. These are black guys. You know, the Moors. Yeah, dude. I mean, also here's the thing. Your girlfriend, this is the world she lives in I assume. Guys hit on her constantly, right? Yeah, but she's a lot, listen, she's allowing it to happen. No, she's not.

What are you talking about? If she should be, listen, let me tell you something. She should be like this, I have a boyfriend, please leave me alone. And he will beat the shit out of me. Any man that fucking talks to her. His name is Alpo. What's his name? What's his name?

He plays rugby, Alpo. Alpo, his name's Alpo, and he loves magic, and Call of Duty. And let me tell you something, he's coming back from getting broccoli and an asparagus right now. When he comes back, he's gonna be bullshit. Yeah, yeah.

Dude, you can't help it, man. You just gotta walk up, take the hit. You should be proud that your chicks getting hit on okay. You don't be the guy that nobody These guys out there that their girls never get hang on Your girl is so fine that when you take her out guys are trying to walk up on her That's a read. That's a that's a like you got a dude. You did it You got a girl that other dudes want and she still wants you? That's cool.

That's like if you rolled up in a nice car and they want, dude, you see them checking it out. They're just checking out your nice car and you're getting in your nice car and driving away and getting a blowjob from it. From the car, ooh. Dude, you gotta accept that shit. If you don't, do what I did date a

six my chick was a six and thank God she became a seven and a half later as you declined by the way you catch him while you're hotter and they're they're on the way up and you're on the way down it's my let me tell you something bro. I never I always dated a hot a chick with a hot body and a goofy face You did a hot chick from head to toe. You're gonna wind up with alfalfos alfalfa problems You're gonna wind up with alfalfa problems With a goofy that looks like david letteman But she takes that fucking shirt off, she's smoking hot. There you go, dude.

But you're gonna date a hot chick, you're gonna have to deal with it, and it's just a sign of respect. So if you don't want it. Yeah, these guys really respect you, Elfo. Listen, dude, you're gonna get a Honda if you don't want this shit. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, dude, so what do you, have you talked about this at all with her or like what's the what are the vibes like? Is this all in your head? Does she does not really give a fuck? Well, she said that um, she said why I do usually is fine. She said that she'd like me to Say something or she'd like me to say if she said if you fight them I'll give you a blowjob oh wow you're toast yeah you're done though huh you wanted to fight then I wouldn't be happy let me let me okay dude here's the other thing you're 22 right let's just take a bird's-eye view from your older pals stop and Bobby here

This you'll remember this fondly as the four months you got to fuck a hot black girl. Yes, this is not ending good You're not a fighter and you shouldn't have to be and by the way if this was your some it's some people's personality, right? Like, you know some people are more confrontational, you clearly don't wanna go through this. All you can do, this is good for you because life teaches you what kind of person you are. You're not this kind of guy. And by the way, fighting over anything petty like this

is not good for you in the long run. Behave the way you're gonna behave. If it becomes an issue, you should look at it like, hey, it's fucking insane you want me to fight these guys, and you're the one with the problem, not me. You know what I mean? You don't have an issue here. You're just a young guy who's gotten a nice,

a nice A plus piece of trim here, and you're holding on for dear life, and sometimes, in every movie, when the guy guys holding on to the mountain and they get saved at the end most of the time their hands get fucking tired and they fall down and eventually that probably will happen this relationship I hate to break it to you but just be true to yourself don't do anything you know you don't want to do and you know maybe you get in a fight and you're like, you know what, that wasn't worth it.

This is just you learning. Don't get, listen to me, nobody wants to get a blowjob with a bloody nose. How good's the head? It's not that good. I don't know, I'm listening. Listen, dude. But this kid's not, you know, he doesn't wanna do this.

Like he said, someday when you're with your white wife with hair. You can have any race wife you want buddy You walking up with little Kim and you're fucking bitchin You walking up with little Kim and you're fucking bitching? Little Kim. Enjoy, enjoy what's going down. This guy hasn't lived in New York, in New York City limits in 12 years. You can tell by the little Kim reference.

Listen bro, enjoy it. I'm saying enjoy it. You're with a chick that other dudes want. And I kind of agree with you. You got it. Enjoy it. Look, statistically, the ride's gonna end. When I was 22, I wouldn't know how to deal

with this shit either. I probably wouldn't. Now I would just be kind of a, I might get my ass kicked by shooting off at the mouth if somebody was behaving like this towards somebody I was dating, but I wouldn't fight anyone either. No, you can't fight somebody over you.

My therapist said this to me once. save your rage for your wife and your kid Interest stop giving it to people that don't deserve it. That's a very I mean, do you want to give us some context on that? I'm not gonna fucking murder a guy at a traffic light But if a guy came by therapist the guy who sold you an unregistered gun. If a guy is going to come up to my wife and kid and threaten them, that's when you release the superhero power. When protecting your family. When you need it.

Not on some girl that you're dating right now and you... Look, first of all, you don't love her cuz you're holding hands Yes when you're in love he's young a separate separate parts of the fucking store he's young He's dealing with some like that you you also at your age are learning the types of people you're compatible with you know What I mean, and it's like You know you just got to ride this out little buddy And by the way, it's it ain't a bad problem to have like Bobby says now. You're with somebody that hot Hopefully you this doesn't cause you too much stress

But you know you can't really be someone you're not you know what I mean We're not gonna sit here and tell you to be more aggro when you don't have that and like Bobby says Save any kind of anger not for somebody like I mean look grabbing your girl's ass. That's different Maybe you could have fucking gotten a little aggressive there obviously that's assault But if someone's just talking or I'm fucking assault it it grabs somebody's ass Shit life you guys have to live in I'm gonna get a sloth. What a shit life you guys have to live in. You ever see the movie Porkies?

I mean, come on. Yeah, we have. It's actually not, it's not about pussy as much as you think. It's about some weird bar. It's about assault. Yeah, I mean, it's all about. There's a lot of rape happening in Porkies. There's a lot of rape happening in all those movies.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but look at man, somebody grabbed your girl's ass. That's messed up. But what are you gonna do you're gonna go to jail over some piece of shit and she should have been like, yo Get off me and you should have been like, let's go. Let's get the fuck out of it If he followed you, yeah, maybe you take care of it But it ain't worth going to jail or hurting a dude or getting hurt. Well, here's the this is what I always think Okay, I'm gonna hit this guy. He's gonna knock me the fuck out.

And my girl's gonna wake up in a trunk. I'm gonna get my ass kicked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So look, man, doesn't really sound like

we've helped you that much, but you know, we're just kind of giving you context for what you're dealing with here. And you know, just Just be be true to yourself stay honestly stay you might do you have problems standing up for yourself in general? I'm working on it. Yeah, see that's the thing I painted her in a bad light. She's really cool Most of time if I never fought anyone I feel like she'd be cool with that

Yeah, but if you do fight something she'll blow you She also might have been joking who knows you know these are they're also both young and she's she's probably trying to make the best Of a weird situation also she let me ask you question this might. I don't want this to come off wrong You know what let's not ask that question Just gonna go ahead and not ask that one whatever if you're even thinking it's an issue We we're gonna go ahead and skip it and we're just gonna go ahead and not ask that one whatever if you're even thinking it's an issue We we're gonna go ahead and skip it and we're just And we're just gonna tell you and we're just gonna tell you To work on your just that I think you know we've already spent too much time on this question in particular So we're just gonna move on

So listen but this just a final thought here So we're just gonna move on. Is she black? Alright, thank you. Alright, so listen bud, just a final thought here, standing up for yourself is something you need to work on. This might not be a bad thing to keep in the back of your mind, like hey, if at some point I need to really stand up for me and my girl, will I be there, will I be ready to do that? And this is just something for the rest of your life, right? You're 22, I remember being 22,

letting people walk all over me. Just work on it, keep working on it. Be, you know, have like little goals, maybe go to therapy. That was one of the first things I went to therapy for was just kind of like, pfft. I'm serious. I'm just, I just pitched it.

I just pitched it his first day of therapy. By which problem? All right man, these guys keep grabbing my chicks ass. And she said she'd blow me if I fight them. I'm trying to get head, doctor. But yeah, keep working at it brother. And you're at a point in your life where it's good that you know what you wanna work on already.

You know what I mean? And keep working on it. And someday, enjoy it now, because someday they're not gonna want to grab her ass. She's just gonna be a regular wife. What a tragedy that'll be. What else we got? Who else we got on line?

Good luck, Alfoe, we love you, buddy. Thank you. Alfoe! Yeah. Bye, buddy. Bye. Cute kid. Hey, nice Nice guy. Richie you there? Richie? You're on mute my friend. Richie you little prick. Hello, hello. What's up dude how you doing? Oh wow. You're on with with me eldest and Bobby Kelly. How can we help you?

Legends legends I'm all the way down here in Costa Rica. Oh, yeah, I see you Hi, Kostya. You can come from one day. I'd love to man eldest you've been to Costa Rica. Haven't you? Yeah, I just went when did I go last year? Yeah, you had a great time. I dated a Costa Rican girl once whoo Man, we're talking about they they don't they they uh When did I go last year? Yeah, you had a great time. I dated a Costa Rican girl once. Man, we're talking about they they don't they they jealous. They'll fight you. Oh, yeah. They'll fight opposite of what this guy just said.

I mean, she was one of the toughest girls I've ever. But passionate, of course, passionate. And we know you love passion. I love passion. That's where I got it from Costa Rican girl. You got it. What's where I got it from Costa Rica. You caught it What's going on, Richie? Sounds about right. Yeah Yeah, so what's plaguing you my friend?

How a little bit of a problem here that's considering some of the things that I've heard here You know is maybe it's not that serious, but sure it's being you know, what it bothered me So you see I know you're to call me a pussy because of this, but I'm a complete teetotaler, you know? You're a teetotaler? No, that's alright. You're talking about Bobby's been sober for years, I've been sober for the last eight months. We're happy for it. That's good. Teetotaler. Nice. Great, great. Yeah. I have never drunk alcohol. I don't want to smell it. I don't want to

be near it. It's kind of like a conviction thing. Sure. Most people do childhood trauma. My dad wasn't an alcoholic. He wasn't mean or violent. He was more like pathetic. Right, right. just a drunk Lump yeah the present kind of drunk, you know right right right there with the kind of drunk That doesn't beat you but the bars you yeah. Yeah, yes a loser Yeah, pretty much His accent is awesome. It is

dance soda So you so you you don't want to get drunk your dad was an alcoholic so what's going on now Yeah So yeah, the thing is a well, I've been dating this girl for the last four years more or less The girl is great. I love her. I'm pretty sure she loves me. I think pretty sure tough and then and I love her. I'm pretty sure she loves me. I think pretty sure tough and and She knew this all me from the very beginning, you know that okay the whole tea tottering thing Mm-hmm, and she didn't cool cool with that, you know all this time, you know, she didn't drink here

but was more for a matter of taste for her and But recently For the past two months more or less, she decided that now she wants to get drunk. You know, every week, every weekend she goes out with her co-workers, you know, and partying. And the last couple of times she has come hammered to her house, you know, and she lives with her mother still and her mother is very religious and she started giving her a shit about it you know interesting and and she comes yeah stumbling like three four in the morning and now she's asking me if she can crash with me in my apartment you know and and

that kind of freaked me out you know, because part of my trauma is that I don't want to see a loved one, you know, coming, wreaking and stumbling and, you know, puking and making a scene, you know, at the very hours of the morning, you know. It's kind of like my worst nightmare. Wow. So, yeah, I told her no. I simply cannot deal with that. And she started going off on me, you know, that gave me shit that I should get over it and that I overreacted and pretty much telling me I'm a pussy, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm kind of like a witch because of that. Yeah. Because of that. So now, it has become a big issue, you know, she hasn't talked to me for the last couple of days because of that. And I'm very conflicted about it because on one hand, yeah, I'm thinking maybe I should get over it, you know, because it's not like something that is going to happen every day

or every week and maybe yeah I'm overreacting maybe I'm just not dealing well with my trauma or something but on the other hand I'm thinking well this is my house this is my apartment I should be able to you know set my own rules in here right set boundaries but but on the other hand I'm but this is a girl that I'm actually thinking about marrying you know and I don't know how much how big of a problem This is gonna be later on so, okay, I kind of I kind of you know, very

I have my money in a pretzel because of all this You so how you say you've been guys been dating for years and how old are you buddy and how old is she? Uh, i'm i'm'm 34 she's 33 gotcha you can laugh about it too I lost my virginity to this girl that's alright man you gotta fucking relax you gotta stop beating yourself up man let me ask you a question what's his name? that's okay Ricky what was his name?

Ricky Richie Richie let me ask you a question in your country is it legal to hit women? You don't have to answer that Richie I'm your lawyer Richie don't ask objection your honor. Let me rephrase is it legal to make them flinch? No, listen, buddy. Hey, Richie, I think so. Problem solved. Listen, here's the thing, buddy.

You are you. You have to find somebody that is in in your atmosphere. If this girl's coming back to your place all messed up. Yeah, you had sex with her for the first time, she's the one that you, you know, oh my, this is the one. She's not the one. She ain't. She's not the one.

Not necessarily, yeah. If you say to somebody, I don't want you to do that here, and they're like, you're a pussy, or why would you not change for me? It's like, no, no, no, no, no. I'm asking you to do something. I'm saying you make me uncomfortable. I have these other issues, and when you do this,

it messes me up. You can do what you want over there, but when you come here, I can't have that, and she's not willing to at least acknowledge that? She ain't the one, brother. Yeah, it's an interesting thing because, I agree with Bobby, I do think there's something to, you absolutely absolutely you took

a stand you had a clear boundary you're like look I just don't want somebody coming back that drunk my I have a couple questions which is like you said this is kind of like new behavior for her you know neither of you is that young like are you worried about that kind of like going out and getting fucked up because like starting to do that in your thirties is kind of weird and it's like are you worried that you know and you even said I think she loves me like and you clearly have Some self-esteem issues here buddy where you're like you're gonna call me up. You're you're worried I can hear it in your voice just about being judged and being embarrassed and so I guess I'm wondering like are you really getting? What you want out of this relationship? Are you just kind of going along with it because?

Because are you going along with it because it's what you've always known Do you does she treat you well? You know what I mean? Because like you said you don't even know if she you love her you don't even know if she loves you That's one question. I have the other thing. I will say is that it's not entirely unreasonable For someone to say to you like hey, I know you have this thing with drinking I know you never want to drink, but if we're gonna have a life together There's gonna be nights. I drink a little bit

you know what I mean, and that's like and there there might be some element of you needing to Tackle your trauma a little bit right like you might want to work on that a little bit. You know what I'm saying but Right like you might want to work on that a little bit. You know what I'm saying but It doesn't sound like she was being reasonable and trying to come you know communicate with you It kind of sounds like this was a pretty emotional fight And it also sounds like she was just wanting to use your apartment as a place to crash when she's fucked up You know what I mean? So it's like what what's the how is tell us what you feel about this relationship, because I'm a little confused about how,

you're talking about marriage, but to me, I don't know, I'm not, I'm getting, I don't really understand what's going on here fully. You guys have been basically monogamous and dating, you know, seriously for a couple years now? Yeah, for about four years, yeah. Four years. And yeah, this is a pretty much, yeah,

a new development, as they say. Interesting. For the first time, this is a pretty much. Yeah a new development as they say For the first time yeah, well she started working in this place, you know, well, I don't know if you can say the name is like chain restaurant That's a big problem for real Applebee's restaurant Restaurant workers get fucked up together and they all fuck each other. Oh well that hurts. That happens. I mean that really sent them down. I mean it happens, I'm serious. It does happen. You worked at a restaurant in your youth.

I fucked them all. And you fucked a bunch of waitresses. Even the fat Italian one. Remember I was eating a pussy and I had gum in the back and then a piece of toilet paper went in my mouth and I spit the gum out and swallowed the toilet paper by accident. So it does happen. But I, you know, we hate to fucking, huh? So, so, so you can go ahead. No, I mean, I hate to put that in your mind,

but I also will say like, it's something that I just want you to really think about what you want out of this relationship. And if are you getting it? You know what I mean? When you put a boundary down, Richie, when you, listen, like anybody, and I learned this a long time ago, you put a boundary down with somebody,

you're helping them, right? Because if you put a boundary down with her and say, look, I understand you drink, I just don't want you coming here all messed up and puking in my apartment. I don't want you that drunk. That's just the way it is. And if you can't accept that, I don't know what to tell you.

I'm not gonna let you over here. She wants that. She wants somebody to put a, she needs that. So when you say that, and that's the way it is, it's like when you have a kid. If I don't give my kid boundaries, they're just gonna do whatever the fuck they want. But once you put that boundary down, they might,

he's not gonna appreciate that boundary now, but later in life, when he knows how to say please and thank you, hold the door, you know, pick up his mess, these little things, cause he had a boundary, he got in trouble cause he didn't do it or there was a consequence, he's gonna accept later in life, he'll be like, thank God parents did gave a shit about me.

And later in life with her, she might go, thank God the guy I love gave me a boundary back then that I had to make a choice, right? And if she, she might be like, well, fuck you and leave, but she's gonna go back and think about that and go, you know what, I miss him, I love him, I wanna be with him, he's right, I was wrong, I was going to his house, all messed up and he asked me not to do that

and she might change and you might be helping her with that. You understand? So by taking care of yourself first in any relationship, by taking care of yourself first, you're actually sometimes helping that other person down the road take care of themselves and better themselves You understand? Or hit her Think about it. Yeah, that's it. That's kind of the issue

You know, I really don't mind if she wants to ring, you know And if it's on her own time and I don't want to see it right but my main issue is yeah the whole idea of watching her you know coming to my house like that that's what I you know put my foot down yeah put your foot down dude as for as for the relationship itself yeah I as I said it's been pretty good you know know. Yeah. If you do it, Richie, if you don't... Until it's been a recent. If you don't take care of yourself in a relationship and you give stuff that you don't want to give,

you're going to build resentment. True. And resentment will stay with you and it's all going to come out down the road. It's just going to build and build and build. If you put these boundaries down now, right, you're going to work, you you're gonna fix them together. And people respect that.

A girl doesn't want, women don't want guys who are weak with no boundaries. They don't want that. They want a guy who has their own, their thing that they do. They want that. Anybody wants that, you know? Look, I don't drink, I haven't drank in 38 years.

My wife used to smoke pot and drink. I didn't care, but if she got out of hand, I remember one time we were down the cellar and she was just yapping when she drinks. And I was like, listen, man, when you're around my friends, I don't want you getting trashed like that. You're embarrassing me! You fucking whore! And then, you know, he throws a fucking glass at her head she ducks they've been practicing that and it's fine

Were you there? I didn't throw it at her head, I threw it at the wall But yeah brother, I mean look I'm thinking maybe that's kind of the issue you know this is like the first time I actually told her no to something Right, see that's that's kind of the issue. You know, this is like the first time I actually told her no to something Right see that Yeah, that's an issue and by the way, dude if she can't deal with that that's an issue Yeah, you gotta say no yeah, if you gotta say no so yeah religion will you say no to some things it ain't a healthy Relationship. Yeah, dude. You can't just just you know it's good that you stood up for yourself for once but

you gotta you gotta be able to do this a little more and unfortunately if this relationship if the first time you ever set a boundary she freaks the fuck out that's a bad sign for this you're talking about this being somebody you want to marry that's not a good sign. Wait wait wait wait wait. How hot is she? She's like Costa Rica, I'm saying. Yeah. Is she like JLo hot? No, no, no. Oh, yeah. Set those god damn boundaries, Richie.

Set those boundaries, put that fence up. It's... Yeah, dude, so you gotta think about this bro. Sorry to drop a lot of heavy shit on you, but I think you really do need to think about think about the long term viability of this relationship, cause if the first time you stand up for yourself instead of

boundary, she fucking freaks out. That's a bad sign that she might she might like you, but what she might really like is the fact that you do whatever the fuck she wants, you know what I mean? And and that's not yeah, then again and well So give it a thought buddy. Let us know how it goes and good luck. Keep us updated. All right, hasta mañana Yeah, one last thing is so sure How do you tell me Costa Rica with Greece in 2014? What's that?

How did it fail when Costa Rica beat Greece in 2014? What's that? How did it fail when Costa Rica beat Greece in the World Cup 2014? Yeah, you know what? Fuck you, Rich. You get the fuck off my line. What did he say? He's talking about when Costa Rica beat us in the World Cup. Oh yeah. Fuck you! I'm glad this bitch is probably getting fucked by her coworkers at Ben against Costa Rica. Oh, look at you. Look at you. Look at you. Look at you.

Get him off my fucking line I ordered a fucking croissant and it's savory not sweet and I took a bite. It was all my mouth is all messed flavor Let me take a little take a bite. It's oh, I think it's cheesy spinach. Who do we got eldest? Who do we got next? Randy Andy for 2069. It's good because you knew it was savory. If I told you that was a sweetener, you would be like, ugh, it tastes like a ball. You're right. Randy, what's up, brother?

Not much. How are you guys doing? Good, man. You're on with me, Eldis and Bobby. How can we help you? Oh, boy. Well, I recently got engaged to my girlfriend four years ago. Congratulations. How'd you do it? Thank you. We just did it, you know, nothing formal. Nice. Just had a conversation. We're very happy and we're very excited to get married.

But our problem is that her sister is convinced that I'm gay and no matter what my fiance tells her, she won't fucking drop it. Well, what are you doing to make that? Are you having tea parties? Well, that's a good question. There's a few things. I knew it.

I'm not blowing anyone. I'm not doing any gay shit. Okay. Nothing like that. But before we were even official, like maybe a couple weeks into dating her sister found and like only stalked my Instagram before my fiance even found me online a lot of pictures of you and your hands on your hips well she found some photos of me like celebrating pride with

you know some rainbows and some tutus and shit, but I'm sorry I community Okay, that's pretty normal even for straight guys because it's fucking Mormon here and not where I'm from you fucking sissy Like to celebrate be likes to prove he's an ally behind closed doors. Not in front of the community. I do it the American way. I get pegged behind closed doors and I suck dick behind closed doors like men. Oh, fully straight guy wearing rainbows but never sucked a trans woman's dick in the 90s. You're not a man.

You're a, you support them in the open? How dare you? Okay, so she basically just saw some pictures of you at a fucking Pride and you said it's a Mormon community. So basically it's like you're either Mormon or you're like, you know, it's kind of bifurcated where you're either like very traditional or you're like very like super supportive. A lot of Mormons are gay though. That's true. I mean, there's a lot. I they get there's a big cuz they and freaks when they leave there's a lot of freaky more a lot a lot of gay Mormons man oh yeah oh yeah and those

are those are a lot of my friends and you know part of the reason why part of the people I like to celebrate with and go have a good time yeah see what happens kind of get wrong too good at the time. Yeah. Well, who knows? I mean, this sounds gay to me. It sounds kind of, yeah. So anyway, so far we're on her side. Yeah, so far. Okay.

So far, you pixie. Well then, maybe these next few points won't really help my position, but she also, let's see, she also, I also went to Japan with one of my friends who's gay, just the two of us So, you know that was a red flag to her. She also read what history?

I read what? You with the red flag don't worry buddy we got Go ahead Bobby's hard of hearing. I thought that was a high level gay guy. There's purple, there's blue, and then there's red. Okay, go ahead. So you went to Japan with a gay guy, but that's fine, we're still on board, what else?

What's the third piece? I wish I was on board. They have like, speaking of, you know, Mormon family, she has like a former uncle who back in the seventies or whatever, like the closeted gay man who married their aunt and then cheated on her. And so they've got kind of some family trauma around it from that. But, you know, closeted Mormon gay guy in the seventies. What else is of course, it was really, closeted Mormon gay guy in the 70s, what else is this supposed to do? It was really, really hard for them.

So anyway, all this is to say, when my fiance was telling her how excited we were to get married, she used that as her opportunity to be like, yeah, but are you sure he's not gay? That's awesome. And- Did you sing it like that? Yeah.

It was- Are you sure he's not gay? It's a rainy day. She's like, what, the him? And then they look, you're doing choreography in the other room. I think you should solve this. I have a song.

Yeah. OK, I actually have a great solution here. Ready? Yeah. You invite you invite her over. Right. So here's what you're going to need. You're going to need an iPad and you're gonna need a Buzz saw right and you're gonna need a buzz saw very close to your soft dick right And then you're gonna watch you're gonna put gay porn on an iPad do not do this Say look, I'm sure here's how straight I am I'll to you. You start watching gay porn, if my dick gets hard, it'll get cut by the buzzsaw. It'll lift.

And then his dick's gonna fly across the room and hit a fucking painting of Jesus. Just slides. Slides down the glass, you're like, oh. Listen. Whoa, they're sucking it like they really want to. He's realizing in that moment he's gay. So yeah, that's my solution, dude. I don't have a dick anymore.

Yeah. Listen, dude, who cares? Listen, who cares? Yeah, this was a fun call, thank you. It allowed us to call you gay and come up with that little riff about the cock getting chopped off. But this doesn't matter.

This lady's a dumb bitch. Welcome to the world of having dumb bitch in laws. Yeah, it's going to be that. I guarantee she had something in her life. Somebody she would like some unrequited love at theater camp. Yeah, she got finger blasted by some sassy dude. And this is her fucking own bullshit. She's putting on her sister.

Yeah, because you are You know, you're not the hey, what's up? I'm marrying you. You're a little more, you know Softer sure. Yeah, you're a little more, you know, just a regular dude and and she's probably Yeah, since then since then she's kind of she's kind of dropped it my fiance was like hey you need to fucking drop this Yes, then she's kind of she's kind of dropped it. My fiance was like hey, you need to fucking drop this Yeah, since then she's kind of dropped it. But um drop the soap. I wonder if I let Sleeping dogs lie or if we confront her no she has a chance to start spreading rumors Don't could that'll just come across as defensive don't confront her. That's weird. Like he is not and by the way

I know I said it last week, but we've been thinking about it, and he's even less gay now than we was the first time. You know what's interesting about this though? Now, you know you can't ever do anything gay or she's right, so now that temptation is gonna be hanging over you. It might make you gay just to be like, oh, but I can't ever do gay shit. But I wonder. Take a photo of him naked and go on his Instagram and then do a collab.

So yeah, man, good luck. That's exactly what my friend told me when I told him about this. He's like, well, you gotta stop standing like that cause I was standing with my little hip hop. Oh, I knew, I knew you were a fucking, I knew you were a, you put your thumb in your little baby pocket.

There's a little bit of flamboyance going on. But you know, I dig down her sister, so. There you go, keep digging her down, take some posture classes, and you'll be good to go, brother. She has to lie on her stomach and present, but. Thanks, guys. Don't shave your pussy. Here's the thing, dude, I hate that at this time,

look at the definition of gay Everybody I know guys who are the biggest alpha motherfuckers that have done really gay shit Really gay. Yeah sex is they're all saved in your phone under Domino's Why's Domino keeps keeps calling us honey? I don't know. Yeah, the people. Eric, I told you it's over. We had a beautiful time in New Hampshire, but that's a mistake.

I'll see you in November. We're coming over to the tiny house for Thanksgiving. I'll meet you in the woods. All right, buddy. Good luck out there. Thanks. Good luck, Randy. Bye. Who else we got, Elvis? What the fuck? What an asshole this lady is. I mean who that's first of all, you say that out loud now you have nothing to whisper behind your back.

Yeah, a family needs those secret little rumors to keep it alive. It is weird though, because when you go by, back in the day, there was definitely, these guys are straight, that's gay. Right. Just tonally. And if you listen to him tonally,

as soon as it comes on, you're like, oh this guy. He's on the line. He comes on you like oh this guy he's on the line He's on the line. Yeah, he's on the line. Hey, you know, hey, you know, he's very so But that type of guy right now, dude, that's the manliest of men right now. Yeah are him Yeah, think about what I grew up right Frank Sinatra Elvis, you know, John Wayne were the men now It's Elon Musk of the billionaires, you know fucking Musk is an alpha, but I'm saying dude. These guys are the Zuckerberg and Elon Musk Zuckerberg is fucking a billionaire and he's a black belt in jiu-jitsu Yeah, and these are the mother no one looks at him like that's the archetype. Who do they look at?

They don't look at guys like men men anymore. Those guys are kind of cheese No, I guess you're right, even in culture, like movie stars, it is kinda like Timothee Chalamet and fucking like. Yeah, there's no, that guy doesn't exist. And action heroes, we don't really have, they're kind of disposable now. They're not superstars the way like Stallone and,

I'm good, but thank you, I thought about it. It is pretty good. The way Stallone is Schwarzenegger. And that's an interesting thing I also think we're at a time where less people have to it's not weird to even act gay anymore So you don't have to hide it so like now even straight guys that kind of that would have gotten like Even straight guys that kind of acted a little gay would get that out beaten out of them in middle school And now it's like well now

I know straight guys is I have some very dear friends that are straight men that talk insanely gay Joe list who else we got big L though let's go to a kind of update from a guy we talked to last week on Kush bros okay called in and said he had he slept with one of his teachers. Oh We have a oh, yes. Here we go Jay you're on And Jay Jay before you start just don't say her name Okay, I think y'all give us I mean she was on dr. Phil people will find her name okay, well whatever

I mean she was on dr. Phil people will find her name. Okay. Well, whatever Yeah, we don't give a fuck fuck eldest But how are you so Jay and Bobby you're on with me Bobby and eldest and Bobby just to catch you up We recently heard a voicemail from Jay who said It was cool to get pussy from a teacher, but it did sort of ruin his life So do you want to expound on that a little bit, Jay? I mean you just don't expect everyone in town to know who you are. True, as a kid. To carry you around?

Yeah. High five you every time you get free coffee. You're tired of getting free beers. You're tired of getting... Nicknames that are cool. That's exhausting. No. So you just become like, you become like the weirdest type of celebrity where it's like it doesn't act I'm guessing you didn't get actually that's a good question. How much free?

How much if any free shit did you get for fucking your teacher? Not at all. I think one lady fucked me because she thought I must have good dick She was disappointed. Yeah. She had to piss you off at that time. Wow, no one bought you a beer. Like, dude, if I see that guy. I was 17.

I couldn't go to the bar. Oh, you were 17. You didn't get free condoms at CVS when you walked in? Nobody bought you a slushy? Fucking no one took you to Sonic and gave you a couple hot dogs or something? Wow. That's a shame. And then did you stay in town or was it too much to stay there? Did you move to get a fresh start? So when her Dr. Phil episode aired, I got a DUI that day.

Oh no! I was going down to Rez anyways and my parents were like alright fuck this send them to rehab so I moved an hour and a half away to a big city to go to rehab and then just lived in that big city okay and how you doing oh my god so now be honest with us we're your friends here

the DUI was that fallout from that or were you just kind of a fucking animal you probably would have gotten a DUI even if you hadn't been, you know made famous as a guy who fucked his teacher No, I think it was fallout from that. I started drinking heavily. I Couldn't tell anyone that this was happening. Otherwise we would get caught and it would stop Always drinking like crazy throughout the whole thing. Wow. Why let me ask you a question You know fucking yes, Bob Kelly. I

Hi, buddy fucking you teacher is pretty much like the dream But that's like yeah It's like the dream, but you're saying the dream It's not a dream. It's actually it's's fucked up, confusing, and it messed things up. So you're saying getting raped isn't cool? Getting raped in a way that seems cool is actually bad? First of all, there's levels of rape. Just like this, apparently there are levels of gay guys.

There's blue flags, purple flags. No, no, that's actually you said that. No one but you has said that. I didn't know, is that what that guy said? Thank you for saying that. That last guy had a red flag. Yeah. I know that's actually you said that. No one but you has said that. I know. Thank you for saying that. That was a red flag. But I'm saying like, yes, that's what we're trying to raise awareness because we've all made the we've on this podcast multiple times made jokes about because we do a monthly episode where we smoke weed and do news stories.

Yeah. And every once in a while, this will come up a situation like this so we wanted to have an actual Just you know do basically report on the fact that this actually is fucked up. Yeah That we shouldn't want this these women are criminals Not everybody ends up like Adam Sandler's character and that's my boys some of us Joined the I fucked a teacher club are just losers right well Let me ask you this is there like a Facebook group do you ever hang out with any other guys that fuck their teachers? I've thought about it But what would you even name that group guys who are cooler than you guys who were cool when there was guys who peaked at 16?

Secret the luckiest guy That's what we're trying to dispel. Straight A students. Dude, actually, that's kind of funny. We should try. The honor roll. Dude, we should try and get that support group going. You know, it sounds crazy, but there's literally a only a few guys on earth that literally went through what you went through and I Legitimately wonder if it would be helpful for you to fucking talk to them most some of them

I kid that fucked Mary Kay Latino like everyone knows who he is But I don't know how to get in touch with right didn't they wait did they get married though or no that was the other? What's weird is this teacher her and I talked about that case Wow Wow during I think they did get married that kids to During sex I talked about it married and having two kids. Yeah, don't Question because what part of it so you're in school the teacher was she good-looking What's weird is she everyone else thought she was good-looking but this whole thing kind of scarred me from women who look like that so I now don't

think she's attractive. Yeah, I don't have sex with girls that look like my sister. I know you said listen. Thank you for laughing because it made me uncomfortable that no one else. I was looking at the. We say a racist joke and nobody laughs. You're a. Joke with your sister. You just got molested by your sister

Yeah, that's what that's that would actually talking of her yeah, we listen bro, I'm gonna say no no no No. We need to suck it up. All right? No, Bobby. Suck it up. No, thank you. But listen, so how are you doing now is the important thing. Sorry, Elvis pulled her up and Bobby's horny.

I mean, that's my speed right there. I'm doing OK. Is she single? Is there summer courses? I'm a loser in a Midwest town who makes tarps. Say it again. I'm just a regular guy in a Midwest town who makes tarps. There's nothing special about my life now. I'm OK a regular guy in a Midwest town who makes tarps. There's nothing special about my life now

I'm okay with it. I mean sometimes I have manic episodes And I get PTSD flashbacks because of it all but wow I just can't I'm normal I understand this better now because I have a kid. I don't want my kid Sexually, right? Yeah, I grew up in a bad time Yeah, when nobody taught you about sex, you learned sex from other kids. It was terrible. My sex life has been messed up for it. And now that I have a kid,

look, he's 11, he's good. All kinds of stuff happening right now. And I had to say to him, one of his other friends Showed him pornhub, and I got it on his phone and the progression of it now is so bad It just goes one thing to you know yeah terrible, and I said listen. I'm taking all this off your phone You can't have it if you be I understand you know set masturbation or getting horny is part of Biology, I'm not gonna control it. And I don't want you to think your penis is bad

or sex is bad, it's not. So I went to his, I gave him YouTube. So he watches girls on the back of motorcycles with their butts jiggling. And I was like, that is a good progression. He's gonna wanna fuck motorcycles. You're gonna make this kid put his cock in the tailpipe My fingers in your belly button. Yeah, but, you know, look, when I grew up,

this call comes in, fuck off. Of course. Fuck you. Yeah. I mean, go fuck, I mean, dude. But it's a more nuanced time. If she was Broomhilda, you know, if she was, you know, my math teacher, Miss Black,

I'd understand the trauma. You know what I mean? But I mean, you gotta get your division. But the, yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's a smoking hot girl But still it completely fucks you up. He you know our friend here is like yeah, you're still dealing with it So we just want to once and for all say it's not cool when teachers do this to children. It's not cool It's not cool. No, but hang. Hang on. The thing is guys, it was really cool. Thank you. I certainly respect you and I give you a wink. Both things

are true. I guess you're right. It was cool. Both things can live in the same thing. At that time. The paparazzi ambushing me in the strip club parking lot, that fucked me up. Yeah, that is fucked thing a woman that was cool Wow, so that's okay. I'm actually back on it's not cool. She completely fucked you up Let's send this guy like a gift card to Target or so, what do you need right now man? How about better help? Yeah For real use code word, dude Yeah, use code word dude. It is both things. It is both things. He's right It's it's cuz sex is such a messed up thing at that. What's going on with your are you dating anybody? What do you have any weird proclivities here? Can you only come if she hit you with a ruler?

I have been together like five and a half years. Oh, there you go. I know Yeah, boring standard sex life. Can you only- I would tell you the stupid one-liners I've wrote for comedy, but that's dumb right now. Can you only fuck between eight and three? Hahahaha. Chester, you cum every time you hear a bell ring.

Hahahaha. Fucked it, alright. Do you have to raise your hand when you come Do you have a compass? Sorry son this from last week Shit listen, bro. You're gonna be all right. Here's the thing the good thing about sex and having situations like that is You can it's not forever, bro. That shit ain't cement you can fix that stuff It ain't you can move on from that learn from that and you build to help somebody else down the road from that

So you you did it you went through it. You understand it. Now you move on. Listen, my thing is this. If something's heavy, right? If you're holding a big weight and it's heavy, how do you, what do you do to relieve the pain? You let it go. Let it go. Let it go let it go let it go buddy. Let it go on Hit your boat from that dock and float away stop Fucking holding that shit. Just just let it go dude. Let it go. She's doing good. You're doing alright, buddy You're making tarps you're getting you have a nice relationship in your tarps Yeah, what kind of tarps you would be in the voice of reason what kind of tarps do you make Bobby's interested in these tarps yeah look what kind of tarps you make the being the voice of reason what kind of tarps do you make Bobby's interested in these tarps yeah well

anything that'll fit you no boat covers first of all I'm not the fat one in the room anymore it would get real testy if I left between you and eldest though it will be a real It'd be a real close one between you two if I have to hit the bathroom. Let's be clear about that I like tarps. Yeah You do like a bunch of weird shit Take interest in in like specific things. Yes, what I mean would to have yet a house. Yeah, I guess I'm a homeowner. You would too if you had a house. Yeah, I get it. I'm a homeowner. You're a building owner.

No, it's a nice, oh, because I have people on either side of me is what you're saying. Yep. Interesting. That's interesting. All right. It's a fact. You can't just say interesting.

It's a fact. It's a home, I'm more of an urban, I'm more of an urban man than you, Bobby. I know you gotta be out in the woods, but not me, man. I like to be be out in the woods, but not me man. I like to be surrounded by people. Yeah, all of them. Well listen buddy, we're rooting for you.

Thanks for calling in. You're doing great out there, and it is important to hear from people that have gone through this so that we hear your voice and you having PTSD every time we're like, ah, how bad is it? That bitch had big dogs dogs that kid was fucking lucky So it's good to have a real to see it to talk to a real person. I mean our fair Yeah, but you're a wildly molested man

Just real quick I want to get my flowers Dabi you're my favorite comedian Thank you guys and just real quick. I want to give my flowers Dobby my favorite comedian Oh, I'll be Kelly kill box was fantastic everything you've done with Louie. I've seen it a thousand times I love you both very much. Thank you. You're a great producer for an Albanian That's a great. Thanks. It was a new adjansport backpack All right, but get out there get it what a cute kid damn. I'm an honest kid honest Yeah, I mean to be a man to kind of fuck me up. That's yeah cool that he's actually so he has so much awareness Of where he's at to not take that into his 50s. Yeah and go dude. I that fucked me up Yeah, dealing with it right now, which would have saved me a lot of time if I could've said, hey man,

this shit happened when I was younger. And you know, it was, oh dude, you banged when you were this age? Not good. I'm so proud that my kid hasn't even really kissed a girl yet at 11, which is the way it should be. You know what I mean?

You were Eiffel Towering in abandoned train tracks. You were getting your dick sucked by Runaways at 11 and drinking moonshine. I came out this summer and Don goes, deal with that. I look over, he's got a hard on. He's holding his iPhone up with it, watching YouTube videos. I go, deal with what?

The kid's a genius. It's fucking amazing. Oh fuck. And we also want to remind everybody, No, do what? Fuck and we also want to remind everybody let's start a cult. It's out in theaters today Watch it Bobby's hilarious in it. I'm so proud of you dude. Thank you brother made your own movie I mean everybody's so happy about you. I'm pumped for the movie man. I'm excited for by now It's sweet, you know by now it swept the nation. You know, it is November, oh, it's not? No. What is it? Oh, then it's out in theaters today. That's right. Yeah, yeah.

It's out in theaters today. That's all? I mean, that's crazy good. Oh, you know, we're gonna be, we're right now, we're leaving this podcast and going to the Angelica Theater, in fact, Bobby. That's what we're doing today, October 25th. Thanks for reminding me, Elvis. Let's put the that it's not oh

Maybe it is He's a good one for now baby Banyan producer yeah, he's rocket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I remember now. I remember our conversation earlier, and I understand what you were confused about Okay, this movie's out today fuck we. We're going to be at the end. We're going to rerecord an intro. This movie is out today. Go to the movie theater. Yes. Do you live in a major, major city?

If you're if you own a building and not a home. This will be the last time I'm invited on this podcast, because superstars. No, no, you at least will be back for the Thanksgiving episode. Wow, that's with somebody else we Bobby what do you because we don't want to hold you because we have a few more people here you do it I I canceled my thing after okay cool let's let's show what a guy thank you buddy I did. Shelly, are you there? Shelly? Shelly? Hey! Hey, what's going on?

What's up, Shelly? What's going on? You're on with me, Bobby, and Eldis. Jesus fucking Christ. Hey, how's it going, everybody? Bobby, I'm a big fucking fan. I love the podcast. Hi, buddy.

I love the show so much. So, um, I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started.

I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm gonna go ahead and get the podcast started. I'm a big fucking fan. I love the podcast. Hi, buddy. I Love the show so much. So um, I Have are we ready to get into questions now? Yeah So I have a really tight foreskin mmm, and I remember I I have a really tight foreskin. And I remember.

I have I have never heard anybody else talk about this kind of thing. I'm like a show. Other than you, that's what I'm here for. Representation. So like, I foreskin, it doesn't it doesn't really bother me all that much. Sure. Personally, but whenever I'm fucking or if I'm getting into something You know kind of crazy like that. I feel like it kills the momentum for me. You know what I mean? Explain to me because I don't know what it is. Do you have are you uncircumcised? Yeah, and yeah penis comes out of the top. It's hard to pop out

It only kind of comes out like this. Oh, so it doesn't come out. Your full head doesn't come out, does it? No, no, no. Well, I mean, like if you force it, if I force it, it does. Oh, but then that's but that doesn't feel good, right? You want to keep it in. Yeah, yes. OK, so this happened to me.

And yeah, if you get some real tight pussy, how do you know what happened to you? Huh? How do you know? I felt it. Okay, it's you didn't see it I can see my dick went hard Bobby's only been able to make for nine months a year a year three weeks That would be awesome we should get you a fat suit so I feel more comfortable Okay, dude, but look here's the thing you can just it definitely will kill the mood but Something that is true is that it really only happens if pussy's very tight

You know what I mean? So that's a little compliment. You're like, ah, this pussy's so tight. I pulled my tight foreskin back You just have to I have I've gotten... Go ahead. No, no, I'm saying for me, I mean, I don't know about you, but for me it kind of, whenever I get that tug on my dick, it fucking hurts and it kills the mood. It kind of kills my confidence, you know what I mean? I don't have like a big fucking hog or anything. Who are you talking to? I'm just kind of... You're a listen buddy. You know, little buddy. Hey, you will be in pain

And I will say one one silver lining is that it does make you last longer You know what I mean? Because you're not gonna bust quick Although it is nice when you hit that groove and you do bust fast When you have a a you know defective penis like me and you Shelly But you just got to get over it dude. It's just like every other shortcoming when you have a defective penis like me and you, Shelly. But you just gotta get over it, dude. It's just like every other shortcoming. You got a little ass dick, it's fucked up.

But at the end of the day, everyone's just trying to bust. Isn't there something on Amazon, like a thing you can order? Didn't someone? Yeah, you could. Isn't there a thing you can get? I don't wanna do that, though. Why?

Yeah, I tried it What is it? What seems like a lot of work? It seems like a lot of effort like I'm gonna fucking get a like I'm with you, bro. Don't listen to these right, you know these serked and regular to believe in the Lord believe in the Lord and you're saving Jesus Christ and get your dick circumcised like you should. I have been thinking, I have been thinking, I don't know if I can afford it, but I have been thinking about getting circumcised. We got you dude, this podcast is gonna raise the money.

We can't support circumcision unfortunately. Philosophically we cannot support circumcision. How much is it? What do you mean? How much is it? Was it 1300? What do you got? You know, no, I don't have that much. Even if it was like a thousand bucks, it would be like a big deal for me.

Do we go fund me to make your dick right? I just I know I do want to help our friend, but philosophically, I'm only 400 bucks, dude. That's for newborns. Oh, sorry. Just when you go in, they go like this. Google got. Don't need it. But philosophically only 400 bucks dude. That's for newborns. Oh, sorry Yes, shave your pubes and go suck on your thumb when they do well

Here's the other thing here's the other thing and you're not gonna like hearing this but if you use a condom, it's really not a big deal Listen, so yeah, it's eat when you use a condom. I don't really feel it at all to be honest with you But when I'm raw dogging when I'm raw dogging and here's the other thing this might also make you want to just be a more generous lover because I Mean now we're getting graphic, but if someone's really turned on someone's very wet here It's used this usually good for you to actually be a generous lover make sure you've eaten some pussy You you're putting your fucked up little dick in a in a in a good environment You're not rushing in to some half turned on dry pussy because your tight little foreskin is not going to be able to handle that

What stop I don't mean to pry into your personal life or anything, but have you ever. I mean, has it ever killed it for you? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, sometimes I've needed a time out where I'll just be like, ah, and then I just explain I have a sorry, my foreskin is fucked up. What did the guy say? What? It was a chick. Sorry, my foreskin is fucked up. What did the guy say? Hey, what the? It was a chick. Whoa.

Whoa. We're getting kooky over here. Dude, get your dick fixed. Yeah, it's 800 bucks. I got you. Yeah, text Bobby, he'll Venmo you. Yeah, dude, here are your options. Unfortunately, I've been against circumcision,

but if you got to do it, you gotta do it. Or just, I don't know, it feels like I would be I would be just bowing down to mainstream culture and I would be losing a part of me, a part of my European identity, and it would be a metaphor for just giving into America You think you over think shit I mean good you really need to fuck it. Chill the fuck out have a hamburger and shut the fuck up

I really think that you man. I was thinking about it Cuz fuck America, I just you know, it's a part of my Greek identity and you know, for generate, I wonder if you know, my. So you want statue dick. I do want statue dick. I wanna be able to trace it back to. I gotta respect that. Thank you man.

You got statue dick. Now, you know, Shelly, maybe you're not cut out for statue cock, I don't know what to tell you, but you gotta, you just gotta, sometimes it'll hurt, you got to get back on the saddle brother fall down six times get back seven You know what I mean? Get knocked down seven get up eight or whatever the fuck the saying is but that's it brother This is life for the fucked up little dick. Are you a strong enough soldier to live it? Cuz I know I am I Am I do it? That's what I like to hear all right man

and the next time your dick skin gets pulled back too much think of me and Bobby smiling at you yeah these guys gonna rip right out hard fucking killbox all right good luck buddy good luck with your fucked up cock oh man hey thanks man bitch yes Send me a picture, dude. I appreciate ya. Yeah, send Bob a picture and then he'll pay for it. Yep. He'll be your sugar daddy.

I love it. That's overdose. All right. See ya, bro. Bye, buddy. Wow. Cute kid. That's so weird, you don't even think, cause you know, I'm circumcised.

I got a really nice cock. I believe it. And I love my helmet. I like a helmet. And I can't imagine having that foreskin, but that's the way a dick's supposed to look. It's natural. Well, yeah, and it's like,

I love a, just a German helmet, and they don't even ask you, Max actually said is like dad Why did you circus eyes without without? Asking me and like giving me the I was like listen dude. I didn't know yeah, they came in they grabbed you They took you and circumcised you and then brought you back you got now I will support the legal defense of your son's penis I won't pay for a circumcision, but I'll pay for suing the I hear a next movie

Where you're a lawyer I get sued by my son because it was weird dick and you make it weird again Yeah, I love it. I fucking love it. It's just start a force kid To re-circum to uncircumcise a cop it's even suplea again. Yeah Yeah, I play the Sun and he plays the father even just in shorts and like a licking a big lollipop You know he he's a monster down there probably god damn probably well who knows yeah, you're probably right You see his hands. Yeah, you're right nice piece on him right. How about we talk to peach farmer? No, you know what I think I remember who max P was I think he was the guy who was afraid he like knocked up his Friends in the friend group or whatever he was wondering if he should skip town. Yes. Yes says he has an update so let's hear him

Max are you there? If it was my kid Knocked up this chick. I haven't been jacking off. I've been doing one better you idiot. I've been raw dogging since I was 10 This chick on oculus quest 10. I knocked up this chick on Oculus Quest. All right, Max, you what's going on, man? You got an update for us? You you we you called. We told you to skip town because you might have knocked up somebody.

Is that correct? What? That is correct. What the fuck? It was more nuanced to that, Bobby. I want to go watch back the episode. So give us a little, Elder says you have an update for us. Yeah, so I took your advice and we're an hour away now. Wow.

We skipped time. Good, that's good. Fucking added another kid to this world who's gonna get fucked by his teacher. Good for you guys. Good advice. No, no, the kid's got a loving family, right? Yeah. Oh, God. There's another Bob Kelly out there.

Yeah, good job. You just created another stand up comedian. So can I just ask you something? You you knock somebody up and you just you just left. Oh, well, left oh well no no no he might give Bobby those give Bobby the cliff notes here oh that might have to be you okay so so basically max it was that you there was this girl in your friend group who everyone was kind of fucking on and then you fucked her at one point and

She got like she got with a guy or something either a friend or just some other dude They got together and they're getting married. She got pregnant and the timing worked out so that it could possibly be yours. Yeah Yeah, you're gonna listen to brow you get not you got nothing to worry about That's why we don't just get Now I get it you did the right thing to get out of there I mean, look, here's the problem you're gonna be in your driveway someday playing baseball with your other kids like some Fucking some fucking Navy SEAL guys

like some fucking some fucking Navy SEAL guys gonna walk up. And you're like, oh, shit, that might happen. Probably not. But maybe I'd be lucky. I'd be lucky if he was a Navy SEAL. That's true. I did give you the fucking tip of the best of the spear scenario. Probably going to walk walking down my driveway. He's going to be wheeling up your driveway. Dad, you gave me Spina bifida. Walking down my driveway. He's gonna be wheeling up your driveway Dad You gave me spine epiphany. It runs in our family your grandmother and your other head spine

Well, well, man, you did the right thing. So have you have you have you tried to are you here's my advice to you Don't look back That's that's the plan. Yeah, don't look bad Well, there's gonna be I'm telling you right now Don't look back. You can never look back. That's the plan. Yeah, don't look back. Well, there's going to be, I'm telling you right now, there's going to be a time where you're going to think about it and be like, maybe I should. Although it is interesting because now it's like,

hey, that guy just completely disappeared. That almost makes you more of a suspect. I can't wait. As the kid grows up and looks like you. Yeah, you're going to go back and get a latte at one of these shops someday Are you gonna look and the kids gonna be you? Yes, sir, and you'd be like, but we just don't know we don't know right? Yeah, you don't know you don't know It's Schrodinger's cat. Yeah, we'll never know we'll never know and that's the best thing you could have possibly done up

Well good for you, man. That's our and less less Unless you have a daughter someday I know well good for you, man that hour and less less Unless you have a daughter someday It's an old situation. You're someone's a fucking your daughter That's true your grandkids actually you fuck you yeah, buddy Yeah, that is true, but that's you, that's the you have to that's a risk You have to be willing to take. Yeah, that's a risk. You're gonna have to take buddy What's the risk I did take? Yeah. Yeah

You did listen to an Albanian and a fucking chubby Greek I know I needed I needed that a Boston advice from you. Yeah, I Agree, dude, you did the right thing. Don't look bad. No right thing, but you did your only move Get a DNA test and yeah, but yeah, you're not gonna do all that Let's cost money How much that kid looks like you which he did say during the call last time. The kid looked like him? Yeah. Woof.

Yeah. You're good man. You're good man but you know. Do you know if the girl is with the, she has a good family though right? No. Wow. And but the father's still around, the one that she thinks it might be right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, they split custody

There you go, dude. There you go. Yeah, sure I love a dad he'll have a father figure, but you can't really dot here's thing You put a little distance between you, but where it starts being immoral is if you're dodging if somebody's like hey Is that his fucking kid you might have to give in then? For now But for now you fucking got a new, you're a couple towns. Look, I would have done a little more than an hour, me personally, but hey. Jesus Christ.

How about another steak? I mean, listen. I like my steak. You're walking distance to his real dad. Listen, but here's the thing. You could have fucked this kid up, because you didn't want it. Listen, but here's the thing. You could have fucked this kid up because you didn't want it.

You weren't ready to do it. You weren't ready to be a dad. The best thing you could have done, if it was or isn't, you were like, I'm out. I'm gonna go do this and let him have a dad, even though they don't live together. Because if you were in that life, you could have fucked him up.

You could have done stuff that you weren't ready to do you weren't ready to handle it You know what I mean you you you stepped out and now he's gonna have his life And that's his life, and you can't do anything about it. Let him go Yeah, perfect unless he's a fucking savant Yeah, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, moving away from you. I didn't know that. But I just, I called into a podcast

and they told me to do it. Yeah. Yeah, that fucking piece of shit. I didn't know you were gonna vent a machine that makes water out of air. And then he watches my response and. Yeah. I'm nonchalant. And then he watches my response and Fucking gazillionaire and vets all this well, he's part of this guy and have that girl's probably not his son

His son becomes the guy who like saves the world Yeah, and is like like the next motherfucker not betting on it, but yes that would be that would be He has to watch that other guy who's not the dad I just want to thank you get thanked at the Nobel Peace Prize. Yeah, come on. Yeah He's home with some stupid kid You're 40 I need more export Xbox points get my new gun dad All right, brother well hey enjoy the new home Boys Keep tabs on that kid. Alright, keep it twisted boys. Yeah we will buddy.

Keep it twisted. Oh my god, your fans are the best. Alright, well do we want to hear from Peach Farmer then? Is he still there? He's still in here, let's see if he'll jump on. If not, you know. I don't give a fuck. Fuck you.

Beach farmer, you there? We do have room for one more, if you're available. You're on mute, my friend. Nah, fuck you. Fuck beach farmer, yeah. All right, is that the episode, Elders? Yeah. All right, that's the episode. Robert. Thank you so much, man

Buddy, it's great to see you. It's always great to see you I'm so proud that you you're kicking ass still and you're you're you're getting into You're still creating stuff. You made your own flick trying. Here's the thing about it. You put me in it Yeah, oh every every time but even though I found out it was a mistake Well, not a mistake so much as you know, an oversight. An oversight. An oversight. That's what you want.

That's all I wanted in life. I wanted to be an oversight into a kid that I fed for years. No, I would never have anybody else play my fucking dad. Thank you for doing it, you're so funny in it. And please go watch it, it's out in theaters now, folks. Let's start a cult. If it's playing where you are, go see it. We just made a stupid comedy.

You won't learn any lessons from it. It's just a bunch of dick jokes, fat jokes, ugly jokes. Like, just base comedy for idiots. And that's what you are and that's what we are. The best type of comedy are the best type of comedy um so we love it go see it out in theaters i think tomorrow yes yes it is just figure it out maybe we put this maybe we put this out maybe we give this yeah we'll talk about it but maybe we'll put it out on friday the day it comes out. So put it on the YouTube that day.

So anyway, thank you Bob. You're the best. We'll see you on Thanksgiving for our annual tradition of me, you, and Joe List. Yes. And we'll talk to you guys later. Bye bye.