Stoic Wellbeing - When ‘No Filter’ Is Just Lazy (and Sometimes Immoral)

Episode Date: August 3, 2025

Being blunt isn’t the same as being brave. In a culture that idolizes people who “say whatever they think,” we’ve started confusing impulsiveness for honesty, and arrogance for authenticity.But unfiltered speech isn’t just lazy. Sometimes, it’s harmful.In this episode, I explore the difference between courage and carelessness, and how to practice mindful communication without losing your voice or your values. Read the article.***I’m your host, Sarah Mikutel, a communication and mindset coach. My work is about helping people like you share your voice, strengthen your relationships, and have more fun.As an American expat living in the U.K., I value curiosity, courage, and joy. A few things I love: wandering European streets in search of the best vegetarian meal, practicing Italian, and helping my clients design lives that feel rich and meaningful.If you're ready to have conversations that open doors – in your career, your relationships, and your life – let’s talk.Do you ever go blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot? I created a free Conversation Cheat Sheet with simple formulas you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you’re in a meeting or just talking with friends.Download it at sarahmikutel.com/blanknomore and start feeling more confident in your conversations today.

I'm scrolling on Instagram. Yes, I know. And I see a reel of a young celebrity and she is trash-talking people and proudly claiming to be ageist. And the comments are, what an icon. She is so therapeutic for me. I literally can't get enough. And I get it. In an age when we feel like we have to self-center or people are going to come at us in the comments, which ironically did not happen much here,

people who go against the grain feel refreshing. Some more comments from this post. I love that she doesn't give an F. Please don't ever give her media training. Or I wondered later, was this her media training? To grin and get a rise out of people. To lean into what the crowd seems to want and see how far she can take them.

That has certainly been a very effective playbook in politics in recent years? Is she mindfully crafting in unapologetic persona or not putting much thought into what she says? Either way, there is a difference between courage and impulse, between

candor and carelessness, and between shock and meaningful effort. And this social media clip made me think of a much broader issue. Our culture is hungry for honest voices, but we are not very

discerning about the quality of these words. We are here for the circus. Many of us fall into this from time to time. We like when bold people speak their mind, as long as they are never saying anything bad about us. We live vicariously through their confidence and I said what I said energy. Their willingness to say what we won't. I love when people challenge the status quo, who speak up when it's hard, who say the things that no one else will. but with intention, with heart, with the courage to think before they speak. All this has me thinking more about who and where I give my attention to in this brief life, and who and where I want to give my attention to in this brief life?

Who do I want to consider an icon? Whose words do I want to pay attention to and discuss? Whose message is really worth sharing? This week, Senator Bernie Sanders introduced two resolutions to stop you, weapons sales to Israel, and he was arguing on the Senate floor and in the media that the U.S. has a moral duty to end the starvation crisis in Gaza. And seeing him, I'm reminded that there are people who speak boldly, not to provoke, but because it matters. They say the unpopular thing, not for shock value, but because it's needed. So Bernie has a filter, but he's not

performing. He is using his words with care to speak truth and to offer direction. Speaking without a filter is like emotional eating or retail therapy. It's an impulsive act with very fleeting satisfaction, but long-term consequences. And when we reward this behavior with our clicks, with our votes, we normalize it. We confuse it with honesty and with leadership and with strength. Strength isn't blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind. Strength is choosing your words and thinking about the world beyond yourself. And that doesn't mean we have to be formal or scripted or quiet. It means thinking before speaking, not out of fear, but out of integrity. Mindful communication isn't about being perfect. It's about being considerate. It's about

caring enough to slow down and ask, what am I really trying to say? What is the impact my words might have? It's about the kind of energy you want to bring to this world. And this isn't a call to be serious all the time. Life needs lightness. We need jokes and play. Some things are silly and should just be silly. I'm not saying we have to choose between pop culture or geopolitics, as if we are on either team fluff or team justice. Life is not black and white. What I'm saying for me is that I want to be more mindful about where I put my attention, who I treat as an authority, how I speak to others. There is room for joy and irreverence and intention. Our words don't have to be heavy to matter, but they do matter. So say what you mean, but also mean,

what you say. Because how you speak and who you listen to shapes who you become. Thank you for listening. I'm Sarah Miketel, an American living in England, and a coach who helps people communicate with more confidence, clarity, and intention. If you're curious about this work and how it could benefit you, check out my website and get in touch. I would love to hear from you. That's all for now and have a beautiful week wherever you are. blank or start rambling when someone puts you on the spot. I created a free conversation sheet sheet with simple formulas that you can use so you can respond with clarity, whether you're in a meeting or just talking with friends. Download it at sarahmicatel.com slash blank no more.