Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 10

Episode Date: January 28, 2019

Chapter 10: Bleffed are the Ftone Clearerf. It's 8.45am on a bright and frosty 28th January 2019 and stone clearers everywhere are mainly waiting for the plough to do her work and create more work for idle hands. But there are still some finds to pull from the clamp like jaw of the field and time to ponder about who puts the stones here and why and celebrate the Stone Gods and abhor the falfe godf of them that fhall not toil in the fieldf. It's a relaxed podcast that talks a little more about the practice of ancient stone-clearers and their rudimentary podcasts and the precarious nature of their short lives. Plus we meet the muzzled dog again and Wolfie uses Richard's hat to reveal a stone that might otherwise not hath been revealed. If you want to hear your name read out on the podcast then do email Richard as so many people have done, at [e-mail] and if you want to know more about the UK's fastest growing religion then keep an eye on www.richardherring.com/warmingup

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Okay, I'm on walkways, good girl Come on Hello there, welcome to yet another chapter, is it 10? It feels like more of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Some people thought I'd only get one or two podcasts out of this, but there's a lot to say about Stone Clearing

and I intend to say all of it maybe several times. It's the 28th of January about 8.45 bit earlier than the last podcast, but we might still hit those post-9 o'clock dog walkies The sun is out, I've kind of been hoping to do a podcast in the snow and there was nearly an opportunity for the day after the last podcast but the snow's slightly melted

I want to take you around what you do when a field is covered in ice and snow and how you carry on Stone Clearing Though these weeks and months between December and the harvest like all of us, the Stone Clearing is waiting for the side there's a double meaning to that which is quite clever but once the fields are plowed, because of course there's no matter if there's snow on the fields the fields are covered now in thick carpet

what looks like grass, I think it's probably peeve I don't know if the farmer is going to change his crop this year really there's not much to do until it's just housekeeping until these crops are gone you can walk in between the crops a little as I am into helping people with tiny stones that's not a bad one actually oh there's another pretty good one

I mean again, this is the place that I come to most so it's sort of incredible that there would be I mean there was an egg size stone and a double egg size stone just literally as I walk into the field they've gone on the opening can it can still surprise you the field even even now even as and the ground is clamping quite hard down on these

there is a bit of frost on the ground so that will be an additional challenge there at least I've just tried to pull out another stone that would no joy of course the sun is already shining down working its stone magic the way that all these things work together that the stones are clamped by the frost but the sun comes and

unfreezes them I think must be further proof anyone is doubting that the stone gods are real otherwise why would it happen it can't just be a coincidence so it's a nice couple of quite nice stones again coming out of here, out of this

this well lined area and the sun is right in my face which makes it of course a little dangerous in terms of discovery not many stone can be clear as generally aren't murdered anymore but it still happens by I rate superstitious villagers who think what we're doing here is something wrong something against god is pro god it just depends on which god you believe in

the false christian god or the real many stone gods that we are building alters to as we go around and yeah look at this I mean this is just insane I can't believe the ground really

clamping together there this is going to be a hard day got a few out nothing as much worth I have to say so it may be a disappointing day but I have to say as that's me throw

I like to throw stone against this fence every time I pass and don't feel comfortable unless one of them is hit the fence I'm not creating a series of things that I have to do as I go around that would be crazy and dangerous but I always do that and I always do the one where I have to put one in the ditch

so the interesting thing I'm going to say is that in fact a couple of their throats held together by frozen soil which is just a slight warmth in my hand as I walked on this made that so crumble away which is good we don't want to throw soil off the field that's the opposite of what we're trying to do

if you remove all the soil and just left the stones you would have hills around the field and the field would just be a field of stones I mean it would do the job of collecting stones but in the wrong place there are no rules to stone clearing as you are aware

that is rule one of stone clearing but you must not remove soil from this field and the stones must come off the field that is just a basic rule a law if you will really I mean it's the whole point so no dog walks around the boat

so I'm just going to take a little sedum out onto the field and again finding I mean in this many months I've been doing this task of predating even the podcast I haven't really travelled extensively beyond

the three or four metres from the shore of the Sotanay my dog jumping up in my face she thinks I'm playing quite a nice little cane developing there but still and even in this part this part of the field is the part

that I probably walk along most but you still could not really tell if you looked at the field that any stones have been cleared it's still packed with stones and big stones all logic would have taken I would have found by now this one is six inches from the shore

and that is that stone fills upon my hand it was just sitting there for many months waiting for me to come and find it it must have been camouflaging hiding itself in some way how is that possible that that stone can still be there

someone or something is coming at night time and I'm doing a little hassle off here because a couple of loose stones lying atop the field again that certainly weren't here before nice sized stones and I've hassled off them back to the shore there wasn't too much of a rescue mission

I have to say again we're within splitting distance of the shore and they're going on I'm slightly neglected Ken something's happening on my phone oh sorry don't worry hope that hasn't come up

in the podcast of course the early podcast is the early stone players they didn't do podcasts then I think many of them went around the field telling the tale of what they were doing but of course that was a podcast for one that only they

could ever hope to hear yet still they did it part of the whole process that you must be talking to yourself all the way around this is partly why stone players are viewed with such suspicion especially here in the UK I know there's many overseas listeners

fascinated by this this documentary really about normal British working life there are millions of us here in the UK doing this and post-Brexit I think probably will be take up most of our industry but that's what will save us I think

what was I saying don't get excited by me doing this this is a lovely big stone on the path here I'm going to give up on this in a second two more kicks and I'm going to give up I'll come back another day for that one but good exercise there the kicking

crazy today what are you doing this isn't a game this is a job anyway hello to our overseas listeners can't remember what point I was making you can probably fill in the gaps if you just listen to some of the other podcasts on this side of the field

is hidden by shadows and so no wonder I couldn't get that other stone out these stones are clamped in I'll try and kick a couple out here kick a couple of good ones Wolfie's got a hold of one

she's learning she's learning about becoming a stone collecting dog well yeah so the the stone clearing as well did what wouldn't have been called a podcast then would just be a conversation talking to yourself

yes here in the UK I think that's what I would say we don't really like people who talk to anyone even to other human beings so that's partly why so many stone clearers were murdered the nudity of course is also another aspect I thank God I live in more enlightened times

but still not so enlightened that I can freely stone clear without having to hide from the embarrassed eyes of my village what I'm doing they don't know it's feckless as I think I've said

I pretend to be friendly with them but I abhor them to a man to a woman to a dog they're all fools I luckily I don't listen to this any of them so they'll never know my secret

A that I'm doing this and B that I abhor them and think they're feckless fools I mean why would they live so close to a big field full of stones and not start clearing themselves and with the dog coming so we've got Wolfie

Wolfie's off to play I think it's a friendly one Wolfie's down on our haunches we've had some incidents last time remember Wolfie and they're just playing it's a nice Labrador Wolfie come on Wolfie Wolfie

Wolfie Wolfie come here there's a bit of a standoff Wolfie Wolfie come on girl come on Wolfie sorry about this interruption I know some of you enjoy oh and Wolfie's about to chase the dog off the dog

he's doing a wee and now coming back to Labrador just wee against the bush Wolfie and I've got Wolfie she's back underneath come on good girl hi there trying to yank my arm off hi

so on we go and yeah that was quite a good tussle between the dogs that I think friendly there was a little bit of growling the dog coming back you know so it's good to have some old fashioned sports I mean

just amidst this old fashioned discipline of course the ridgles and curries would have happily set their dogs on each other for entertainment back then it was the only fun you could really have bears and dogs not definitely against each other

but that could happen and Labrador's still quite excited about Wolfie I'm having to carry on pretending I'm just a dog walking out of course there's a couple of beauties just there and they're calling to me

that's what I'm talking about sometimes and those two just near one of the mini kens that has one of the biggest stones I ever found they can just join those ones casually just picking a few from the border a day like today when it's going to be hard

hard to pick up quite a lot of stones it's good just to do some housekeeping around the edge you just want to make sure these periphery stones do not find their way back onto the field so even though they're sort of clear

it's good just to get them a little clearer and into the bracken they go and yeah so you know I'm fortunate in many ways that I'm unlikely to be killed

I'm more out here most likely to be killed by a nighthawk I've come to steal my collected stones oh look at this one this is a nice bit of brick there that could be a roman brick of some kind it doesn't matter

it's going on a nice big chunk of brick when it looked old maybe there was a roman villa here who cares if it's here I will be removing it stone by stone I'll be taking apart any mosaics they have minerals I don't need to panic if it's not

chuck the twat that's what we all say of course of course it should be it if it's organic no need to panic if it's not chuck the twat I mean that's

luckily that one translates quite easily that it means it there will be some Anglo-Saxon lessons here for you during this as well but it's quite important if you really want to know the history of what we're doing here that you can speak Anglo-Saxon

it's quite a complicated language to learn mainly though just if it's an F there just to see if it's an S sometimes it is sometimes it isn't someone

said to me when I said fecund did I mean fecund or did I mean secund things like that can be confusing there's some nice stones there that so clamped into the earth I'm not going to get my trowel out today I feel like doing it in the old school

way though I'm wearing boots again the original stainless would not have been shot oh there's a beauty here I'm going to be able to get this I mean how is it possible that I haven't seen this one before oh I think I'm going to be able to dig it out yes

and that's the finder today so far called a clump picks up a tinder alongside but that is a nice sized stone a chunky round like a ball with some edges on it but it's sort of the size of a

small ball but bigger than a tennis ball not bigger than a football somewhere in between those two if you're trying to guess what size it is and then if you're imagining a ball it's not really like that it's more like an asteroid shape if you could imagine that like basically a rock

so again yeah just done doing I am doing a bit of housekeeping today there's some lovely stones just in this portion of the field just lying on the headland between the shore and the and the actual place where the stones can go

and I mean we're sort of not really helping directly because these are already more or less off the field but so I guess we're thinking if future stone glows and earthquakes happen or just general kicking around people

working their way around this field these stones could come back okay there's another dog it's a dog wearing a yellow vest it might be the nervous dog it might just be a cold dog it's pretty cold today as the frosts are test

just seems to be a dog on its own I don't know if some dog walkers coming up behind unfortunately will fool you of me so and he's so going to have to do is going to have to be surreptitious for quite some time we're approaching the wall

that's the existing wall that's controversially I'm using stones from the next field to build I have a lot of emails from people about this Simon twig

he's been in touch to say how strongly disapproves of what I'm doing fields that I should not be he admits there are no rules to stone one of the rules surely is that we must never

go into another field and transgress what could be another stone-clear as booty I am somebody thinking but I feel my decision to only use those stones as a perimeter wall between both said fields does make one thing acceptable

I just managed to nip that one out when I was looking and this is Michael again who we met on the last of course it's hard to see as a gentleman as a captain of laden with red gloves but I think however polite I am to them when I speak to them

I remember what I am thinking about and we might not quite intersect here I'm not sure again pretty slowly I'm trying to slow down the rules of this thing but they've got a dog on the line and I think the other dog must be there as well but again shame because this is the corner

that is the most second by which I mean burgeoning with stones and it's not the most second it doesn't make sense that's one of the ways you can help to identify what the whole thing is

with me hello how you doing yeah not too bad thanks yeah it's nice isn't it, cold but crisp it's your friend again you did quite right but she doesn't but

she's just she's just verbal yeah yeah you're a good one I went to see one of my daughters yesterday they've got this 15 year old Spaniard it's got cataracts

oh no but she walks but she's going yeah yeah we're all still going just about she actually spots every now and then because she's on control

she's fine yeah are you seeing the dog in the post office no straight German Shepherd but it's snowy oh right okay yeah I might have seen it around about

no okay they've never had a dog before no we've been lucky with her because her brothers and sisters were because she's partly husky as well much too big

and too aggressive but she's lovely with the kids so I'm very protective but she wouldn't hurt anyone or anything but hopefully the burglars will still be she will hurt them she'll bark

she's a good guard dog I don't know I don't invite them around no maybe that's why they come and steal things from us maybe we should be friendly with them and they won't steal things from us I don't know

they know when somebody is alien to them yeah yeah hopefully no aliens let's see come on then girl let's go we've got to get back and I'll see you again take care bye

come here some witchy rep party there with the locals and then what I really think of them they're very they're very nice that's what I think of them so here we go unfortunately missing out on this second corner

I will just throw one stone while their backs are turned into the bushes at least I've got something off the field that's one off but that on a normal walk of course this would be an area where I'd be hoping to clear 20 or 30 stones you can tell though I think if you're

listening to this that I'm not clearing as much as I usually would and that's the problem with these months you know I think you can take it a bit easy there's time to take these stones off there will be more stones eventually and when the plow

she does come sorry for he does come and I'm trying to throw from a distance here now the dog is running after stones they're not getting really near that one has bounced almost onto the path so in a future stone clear

that might come off I'm just picking up a couple there from some distance from the central pier just to carry just so I'm doing some useful work they would just suck in you know like they'll glued by some

heavenly unguant I don't believe the gods that the frost is the stone gods jizzing their mineral sperm onto the ground which does then act as

an adhesive but also possibly creates more stones and there's a dog in the distance I don't think we're going to intersect them just worry if we might run off towards them I don't think that's the same Labrador we were talking about um

of course if you will listen to the last episode that dog we just thought his name had not caught I'm afraid um that's the one one of the ones it's not Stanley he's a dick I think we can all agree about had a lot of angry emails about Stanley being allowed

to behave in the way he did one was from Brenda Tabagov poll and that was a hyphenate I'm all just so excited keep on dropping those stones because there is a possum as well I feel he's looking at me through monoculars there

but I don't think he's crossing into the field he's picking up some I've got a ball I thought he was another stone carer but he's actually just throwing a ball around wasting his energy with a ball when they're plenty of why spend money on a ball when they're infinite

beautiful stones that you can just throw for your dog you know that's a question I would ask that's why I question the sanity of some of the people who live in this village there's a perfectly good circularish stone they could chuck that to your dog

you know if it kills the dog get another dog but you know that's you've saved the money on the ball haven't you he's got a fancy ball on a stick when I saw the couple of the stones they're really calling to me for the next journey they want to be taken off

but I can't actually do it just now because I'm being observed by a man possibly with binoculars possibly part of the the modern day anti stone carers of course you know I'm saying that it's around to be safe I don't want anyone to think it's perfectly safe

I don't want people taking this up thinking there isn't a danger that they will be murdered by superstitious villagers because there's always that danger and some believe there are still guardians like Knights Pemplar I suppose of anti stone believe God put the stones there

God made up God onto the field for a purpose maybe drainage and I do not approve of what me and my kin are doing out here so the central kin looking quite good

I'm trying to create like a massive circular pile here that will eventually reach at least halfway up the telegraph pole there is a little bush here that may have to die as a result of the stones if it can survive then it can survive that is nature, red in tooth and claw

and also brown if you're a pure tree there's no blood in the tree that's just basic so we're heading down now this is the part where I get a little bit philosophical a bit disappointed

with the hole today there was that nice sized stone the dog is very excited she does think she's going to have to throw a stone not at all like some people have got when she sees a stone because I can hit the central kin so we'll try and get this there we go see that's

the dog isn't really different she's definitely happy obviously she can't really pick it up and she doesn't feel cut her gums but you know it's a beautiful interaction between the mineral and the biological when you see a dog running for running for a stone

and I've just dug up quite a nice one there I'll hold that one for the bottom we are approaching the not just yet but if you you're only half listening you like the bit where I throw stones against that pillar that's coming up a little bit

so Simon housing estate he just emailed in to say a lot of emails in from people about this podcast I haven't checked the relationship but it must be

huge emailed in to say that's my best bit to keep doing that which and of course I will I'm not trying to do serious things that I have to definitely repeat or things will go wrong but there are a couple of them in the case so I will just carry on doing them just in case

picking up again this little brown pebble like stone here smooth as if it's been washed up from the sea but where is the sea it's nowhere to be seen once one time the sea may have been out here in this hill in Hertfordshire

and maybe that stone this pebble was under the sea for all that time being looked at by those swimming dinosaurs and now here it is found its way to the top of the soil it's eased its way up it wasn't even it was just laying on top of the soil

ready for me to collect rather beautifully and then again unless the sun has just caught a slightly white stone or generally that has another stone and I've picked most of those up that's that's how it's going to go and I'll keep three of these to throw at the thing that Simon

hired at housing estate like so much and other entry can which does not seem to be growing I mean I will admit that I have not been out on the field that much this year so far I've been trying to exercise

I've been taking the dog for long walks up the hill and I've started running again which that's the enemy of stone clearing of course because when you're running there's no way and you might just be able to kick a stone like this as you're running and trying to get it along but

yeah so I haven't been out I confess I haven't been out here as much as I should have been but then also that's not the problem because the stones are always going to be we don't have to try and pick them off all at once oh I can see a rabbit there's a rabbit on the path I hope the rabbit doesn't see him

I see her always going to lose the rabbit there's no rabbit I always see rabbits and my daughter I don't see one yet like in the wild I see them everywhere okay look here's another stone I've got four stones to throw at the pole

when it hits of course do you remember you have to cheer wherever you are out loud all that mist that went to the all that mist but close oh that was so close oh now all four have missed this is unheard of I usually get it in three

I'm going to have to go out onto the field to try and find some more ammunition because you know you're all there ready to cheer aren't you and how will we cheer if there's nothing to cheer what else can you get out of there I've got a couple more now this is again

because there aren't that many stones around here this is a very little one might not even carry oh yes I hit it do you hear that and again two for two so made up for my I hope you cheered both of those just a little

slightly OCD thing I have to do not entirely not yet just been a fun for the moment that's how it starts and do remember you don't have to come out if you're stone clearing don't feel you have to do it every day

if it's a mental strain it's obviously the fear of discovery is always with you the worry that you have no rules that you might be somehow contravening a rule I know I've had many sleepless nights about some of the things I've done out here

what people might think of me they knew and just the fact that I'm doing this door of course is for some people an adoration in the eyes of the Lord how do we know which of the gods is truly the god

an evil god would pretend to be good would try and make you believe in it can I be sure the stone gods are true first of all can I be sure that they are benign sometimes I doubt I must admit but

I know they're true because who's putting the stones here and also unlike most religions I'm doing something positive I'm building something up rather than knocking it down I'm helping probably I don't know I'm talking to the farmer about it

I'm doing something selfless with no hope of personal reward I'm just doing it I don't want people to know it's me doing it I will take that secret to my grave possibly just tell my kids so they can carry on just on my deathbed

but no one knows what I'm doing no one knows that it's me I'm sure that is better than a religion where you're going into church going look at me they helped those with refugees and stuff they helped some children they were dying and raised money for them look how brilliant I am

no that isn't brilliant not if you're doing it secretly and I didn't tell anyone sure but you're not you're trying to oh someone's put some a cooie dog bag on the back of the oh on the back of my main can that's just rude say about it someone's put some wood there as well

I mean that's not what this wall is for it's not to hide people's dog poo and why would you bag the dog poo and then not take it home just like if you're going to that's worse you're littering with plastic even if it's biodegradable and don't put it next to a religious monument I was just talking about

how religious this is and then you do that you know you didn't do it just as I was saying I suppose so I'm just few little stones of fallen down this can and it's one that I will do a bit of housekeeping keep it looking nice

there's a few at the back they can stay down there's some nice big ones that come tumble backwards but the ones that tumble forwards I'm trying to extend this wall down now I'm not worried about making any higher and I might just try and keep it at a low level all the way down and then build on it

once it's connected there's a little pile of hundreds things will stay away from me I'm just going to go and have a little transgression out onto the next ocean just to see what I can find out here tractor tyres

this has been well mined a little bit but there's immediately quite a nice side stone that I think I can throw from here oh it actually bounced on to the pile just in front of the pile and bounced over the pile and then off over to near where the dog bag was

we'll have to cover that I suppose at some point there's another one Wolfie excited about this oh that was no good at all and maybe that's the stone saying he doesn't want to leave that one was hooked and actually maybe it was just the stone saying come over here I've got some friends I think

to be liberated to because there are quite a few little nice little stones so we'll take those in our hands just looking around make sure nothing is observed by a man with binoculars or any log dogs or wood hawks or night hawks

that's the daytime so we'll save for that just picking up some little ones here but we have cleared most of the big ones at least from this immediate area well I think you know because they do grow back there's a nice one there's a nice size one Wolf

and at the end I hope you will consider the stone gods think about what they could do for you if you have another religion the thing is don't Wolfie's got my hat

I dropped my hat and Wolfie's picked it up for me it's very nice of her oh she thinks it's a game she's got my hat again she's run off with it and this may be again the stone gods in operation the dog has run off wherever he

she'd do drop her their life, the stone and indeed there is a little tiny stone for some reason Wolfie wanted me to find but I found it that's coming off it has to come off at some point I don't know why that one was so important right now

but it's not ours to reason why we're just doing the work of the lords the lords yeah I mean this does given I haven't been out all that much this is looking like a very impressive structure

or structure I will try and do one of these episodes entirely in middle English one day just for the true stone clover there and as is my want I am taking one of the big stones

the biggest stone I found out there on that little joint down to the next can along just because there isn't much in the way of stoneage down this particular stretch this is the homed stretch this is just a few pebbles we can pick up

and I'm just hoping that if I take one stone every day maybe I'm not here every day that's 365 stones that will be there in a year and that's just in one year so even if I miss a few days

you know once that's I guess the point that's why I rushed to begin with I was sort of keen to finish the job I'm a more mature man than I am now and the crew should have started this six months ago

and I'm aware we must take our time so just picking up a few pebbles that's all there is down here a few tiny little stones but they all have to come off just add one to each little can there's a tiny little can there that I'll put

like a nest really there's another one here back in the glory days it's not please the stone gods it doesn't seem to really add much more you'll just find the occasional like these tiny little pebbles number five little pebbles

it's called one slightly bigger pebble and that is what you have to think they all have to come off so I hope you made this far in the podcast series if you haven't then you're probably not listening to this if you haven't listened to any of the others

please go back and do this job properly nice little mini can here with again probably the biggest maybe the second biggest stone I've ever found out a massive piece of stone so even a couple of pebbles just to throw to the there's a votive offering to the gods just so nothing bad happened in the world

and I think we can all agree that since I started doing this the world has been noticeable for what is lack of unpleasant instances so I'm not going to be the one who stops doing this and then causes something awful to happen

I'm going to be the one who carries on doing it and the stone gods is no mercy I mean I'm not saying everyone's safe people who poo poo the stone gods are obviously always at the mercy of stones and you'll probably find that they are the people who get somehow crushed to death by a stone

or eat loads of stones and die that's the kind of thing that will give you an indication of the people who are not saved by that Magnem is just your mind so I'm just going to take a few little pebbles here

there's always a few around here again small ones but small ones are my juicy not actually true of stones they are equally solid if you find the juicy stone probably that is not a stone don't eat it

but do not be tempted to clear it from the field it's probably organic and organic material I've actually picked up a twig accidentally there I had a bit of grass so I'm being a slightly hypocritical but try your best not to remove anything organic from the field

it will melt down to soil the stone clearers friend is what we're trying to protect as we sort the wheat from the chaff those chaffies with organic material as well

I'm sort of speaking kind of figuratively alright well we're at the end of that walk it's been a nice little walk I hope you've enjoyed today's anvil and again meeting that vicious dog

and the playful slightly snarling Labrador if you listen to the dogs um I'll be back I don't know when I'm hoping to you know as I say to take you out

in different weather conditions so maybe I'll wait something extraordinary to come up some wind heavy rain even I mean we've been quite lucky in that we've just had coldness and quite blue skies generally speaking on these podcasts

and the stone team though the frosty days were not as cold as they have been they did not remind me of my human death they reminded me today of life and how life is a vibrant thing how we're lucky to be here for this big period of time

the stones will be here for a lot longer they know the misery of immortality the thing that we crave they know how foolish we are to want to live beyond our span

and envy us of the fact that we rot away and disappear in a way that a stone of course eventually it will be ebb away or be worn away by the weather to nothing but

I mean you just have to look at how many stones are out there those stones that have been there for four billion years I'm guessing yeah it seems the explosion of the universe still there aren't they they've seen a lot of weather and they're still stones in four billion years

I don't think they'll be much of me and we'll see that just what we have created together right here so thanks for listening back home now my run is clearing a bit of organitural from my

plane pipe there that's a different job back home back to my family of course they know nothing of what's happening out here could be used to not tell them I mean I think they're

feckless it is as well to be honest but I'm not realising it's been pretty obvious to me but that's ok we've got to go thanks for listening you have been listening to

Stoke Clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog also featuring Michael and those other two dogs the dog with the muzzle and that nice lady as well this time and the man with the labrador in the distance thank you very much to Mike Cosgrove for doing this music thank you to Orange Market

the British comedy guide for hosting this and thank you to our mystery voice Michael Sheen oh what a giveaway you