Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 101

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

Ye Nettlef and Ye Thiftles. It's just after 8am on 8th July 2021 and things are about to get Intermediate. Do not liften to yif podcaft unleff thou have liftened to all 100 chapterf and ye Fummertime Fpecial. There is some pretty strong stuff in this one and all your preconceptions of stone clearing will be blown away. Plus loads of really good songs. Only for intermediate stone clearers though. Sponsor Richard here and stave off curses and get better good luck for a year http://justgiving.com/monoball

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Good, good, come, well hello, hello my fine friends, all right, it's a momentous time welcome to chapter 101 Stone Clearing with Richard Herring and Walter the dog. This is where things get serious, things are going to get intermediate if you have not listened to the other 100 episodes and the fun time special. Please turn off now if you do not start here, go back to the beginning and this, this is where we really start but you need to have listened to the first 100 before you can appreciate what's going on here. If you have listened to the other 100 and the fun time special, I want you to forget everything you've learned, it was all rubbish, it was necessary

to get you to this certain level of stone clearing but forget all the rules, the first rule of stone clearing is there are no rules to stone clearing, forget that there are loads of rules, there are actually hundreds of rules. I forget the rules that you've learned, then they're wrong. I'm going to tell you what stone clearing is all about now. Well, I say that, it's intermediate so I have 100 episodes, I guess we'll get to the real nitty-gritty as we get into the advanced course which the first, to give you a little preview of that, the first 201, I'll tell you to forget everything you've learned in these hundreds so take everything with a pinch of salt but we're here, I've just given some

stones to the alphanomica can, some things mustn't change, obviously all of the things you have to do as you go around have to stay the same, that'll be nuts if that changed. Anyway, it's this momentous day, it's the 8th of July 2021, it's 806 now, we'll have started a little bit earlier than that. AM of course, why not of course, we have done night time ones. This may be the last chapter I do as a 53 year old, it's been a great year, lots of stuff's happened, a massive pandemic though that's that when I was 52 and a lot of stones cleared including one very special stone. So some things don't change from beginning to intermediate, you still have to get the

stones off the field, that's the number one priority I guess of stone peering, you do that by bending over, you might want to bend your knees if you're old like me, I didn't there, I just bent my back, throwing stones off the field, that's not changed but it's going to be almost unrecognizable what we're doing here if you've been listening to the other chapters. So buckle up, just throwing off a little tiny whitey there, there's a big thistle growing right in the middle of the field there amongst, that's probably the fallen stone starzy, we get poppies for stone clearers, that's all still going, that's all the same still, the stone starzy is still here, still got the, you must have a dog, a lot of the rules I said forget, try to remember again,

that's because someone are quite important but I'm going to ease you in, I don't want to go fully intermediate, scare people off, another thistle there, look at that, let's take a hold of that thistle, that's not quite as impressive as the other one, oh there's quite a few, it's an interesting fipple, it's an interesting field this year, the crops are interesting and I don't remember it ever being quite so poppy-ish, I remember it being poppy-ish hey Wolfie, no sorry there's no place for jokes, jokes were the kind of things we occasionally did in the beginners course but not now and we're at the, where the new fence has gone up and there are some nice stones here

that have been thrown up by, by the work that sort of were off the field have now kind of pushed their way at least down onto the path, don't know what other plans they have here but I'm moving four medium stones to into the brambles at the edge I don't think the work is finished there, they've got some steps up to the field, they're going to have their own backdoor entrance, Wolfie's off after a pigeon, don't think in here leaping through the waves so I'll seed in the intermediate stuff but I don't, I think Wolfie might be pooing just looking up above the, above the crop, he's got direct eye contact with me so I often need you to,

hopefully that was a poo, I can't go out and find out she's back, hello darling, let's get, Wolfie, let's get you on the lead sweetheart, just in case, Wolfie, good, she's a monstrous beast, this girl but I love her lovely caramel stone on the path that's off, so that's all the same still, you just, you pick up the stones and throw them off the field you know I don't want people to think I've been building up to intermediate stages and they're not going to deliver but equally I don't want it, I've got a hundred chapters of intermediate and I don't want to blow everything, I could tell you all of it now

but I think it would be overload, the main thing is to forget everything you've learned and if you have forgotten everything you've learned then if I tell you something that you've learned again that you've learned before you shouldn't remember so now think on if you're complaining that some of this is the same as before you haven't obeyed the first rule of intermediate stone clearing, just to forget everything you've learned, so I do have to reiterate some of it because I told you at the beginning to forget everything, so you know remember the things I'm saying now but then when it gets to 201 I want to forget all of this as well and then remember the stuff I tell you then

so please do that, you can remember the stuff that I've said so far in this one but don't remember the stuff that I've said so far in the previous hundred, forget all that where are you almost, these beautiful, some of these thistles are taller than me I mean I'm not a tall man but getting a real, well it's good to see so many stone stars that have fallen, I thought it was going to be an occasional one but they're certainly not anything is on the same level as the poppies but yeah I've been very tired this week and I'm very tired today, I couldn't sleep last night, I don't think it was excitement

for football result because of course human interactions are not important to me but did another big run at the weekend but also we went to see some friends and had to drive a long way and I think plus that plus doing some podcasts have really tired me out and even though it's Thursday now and that those things happened on Sunday and Monday I haven't quite recovered, it's getting old, you know I'm not a fit young man of 53 for much longer I've got to accept, what I like to do when I'm stone clearing there are no stones around this and there's grass seeds at the side, I must also like to pull off the seeds and throw them sometimes onto the field where they'll grow amongst the poppies, sometimes into the verges

but yeah it's absolutely difficult to you see I've just got some grass seeds in my mouth there, these are where I usually get stung at some point along here, ow this one's pricking me, that's predictive didn't even do that on purpose if you just get the grass seeds if you can't see any stones if there's stones around a few of the stones but if there's grass pull all the seeds off and throw them into there to grow up and they may not help, they may need to mature but it's fun that's just something that you can do when you're not stone clearing or if the stones are not there then just understand, oh there's a nice camera, semi-submerged but I picked it out

and that's going on the can opposite the main can, invisible beneath all the undergrowth that has grown here, come on where you going wolves, come here and the wheat that has grown on this field is a thick blanco wheat, it's absolutely impossible to see any stones on the field, that's why it's good we've got to intermediate lessons now because this is some of the hardest stone clearing conditions, when the sun has baked to the ground a little more doubly so at least there's a little give in the ground at the moment due to recent rainfall so I can't clear some stones from the path, I'm going to kick this one out, let's see how we do and that's keeping coming out, how about this one, that wouldn't come out, I haven't got my

child with me, that's very much a beginner's tool, as an intermediate you should be using, you should have got your hands by now into enough of a claw to be able to arrange even the most persistently solid stones out of there, okay I haven't cleared the stone, a good hundred meters, just that's what we're, oh there we go, I managed to get this one out, it's nice and soft ground, that's a teardrop shaped stone but it's much bigger than a teardrop, more the size of a lamb's kidney, no probably a four-sheet kidney through some more prickles, nettles and thistles, nettles and thistles, they come to that field and they do prick even if you have a field for the nettles and thistles, they don't like you here

are the nettles and thistles, they should be a fit or we've got some barley, we've got the some wheat but the nettles and thistles shall bing our feet, they'll bing on our feet, they'll bing on our feet and they'll scratch us and hurt us until we start to bleed, for the nettles and thistles, they never shall fial go, for the nettles and thistles are wherever we shall fial roam, just got to the scene entry and there's a lovely ammo underneath it, nice round almost almost like sling shot stones that would kill a good liar if you had a sling, I don't travel with a sling anymore, it is a good way to get stones off the middle of the field, that's something I haven't told you before, you can bring a fling, get a fling and ping the tones off the field, there was no

pixies by the way, from a great distance, some argue David was just a stone clearer goliath, just a guy who got in the way and that's again information you wouldn't have heard before this chapter and if you had you'd have forgotten it because remember I told you to forget it, I didn't, I'll tell you now I haven't told you that before, so you can use a fling, that's where the word fling actually comes from, from fling, sort of fling, you'd sling the stones off, I'll do it in modern day English, I will start talking exclusively about Saxon, obviously as we get further into this, but there will be more angoflaxon, angoflaxon as we progress, so that's where that comes from, that story, Goliath, not actually a bad guy,

just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, David was quite little and Goliath didn't see him amongst the corn and the wheat growing quite high and bang and gave in, oh sorry mate, too late Goliath was down, the story gets corrupted over time, he wasn't even that big Goliath, but he was bigger than David and it's nice to see the occasional stone clearer going down in history and getting marble sculptures of the maids by people who appreciate what they've done, even though that was as you know at the time was quite a controversy, but a stone clearer, just murdered in this pacify, that's why the story gets completed and the stones

almost entirely forgot the stone clearing anyway, we know that you had a stone, stone's dangerous weapons, more dangerous than a car or the bomb that destroyed Hiroshima, in the right hand the stone can take down more people than a bomb and remember a stone unlike a bomb doesn't get all blown up and spoiled, you can hit, you can get you the fling, fling it in the face of your enemy, then pick up the photon and tap the next guy, oh there's some nice stones here actually, I'm just clearing off the field, off the path, it's all going to be path work for a good little while until stone Christmas, I'm looking forward to that, can't remember when it comes, but when it comes you

know because the crops are gone, the stones are churned up, that's when we can make merry and waffail and dance them out to air, I didn't get to all those verses of the metals and the fiddles, we may be seeing some more of that later, old english folk song, if you weren't aware I'm not just making this stuff up, walking around the field with a dog picking up stones, making up imaginary medieval songs, that would be insane and what kind of song genius would have to be to improvise something like that, pretty amazing one, I think we'd agree, rhymed and everything, so because the original, because the song rhymed, is what I'm saying, it would be impossible, the Robin Williams came back to life,

even he couldn't have made something up like that, a lot of stones here, I'm taking a few of them out, no stone starsy, maybe in respect and fear of what the intermediate lessons may bring, there may be some advice on how to coat here, good stones here in the corner, the most important advice on how to rid yourself of stone starsies, we're right in the corner there between the two fields, see a nice stone in the next field, I'm going to go and clear it just to help the other guy out, there are no rules to stone starsy coming along this way, he's going to see what I'm doing, I'm going to nip quickly back into my field before they see who I was,

they may like me because I'm breaking the rules and that's sort of what stone starsy are all about, there are no rules so remember that there are the rules, we've got to forget the rules and the rules, the rule that there are no rules, therefore it's forgotten and therefore there are rules, it's complicated, I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying you're going to get this straight away, just clear a nice stone from a distance, interesting pattern here there's some dark green wheat on the edge that was planted later than the middle stuff, then some light green and then a sea of red here as the poppies start to come into the light green wheat, come on folks, we're heading to the ken the corner in the middle of the field, one of my favorite kens,

we'll see what we can pick up on the way, it's not looking great, there's a few stones submerged, a few that are really too little for me to bother with at the moment, well there's a nice one, we'll take that for it, that baby can come all the way to the centre and it's with the makesaw, two stones, one of them on the border of medium, one of them very much small, it looks like a knickknack, a giant knickknack, you remember that snack, do you remember knickknacks, and they're advertising slogan, knickknack, paddy wag, give your dog a knickknack, now don't give them to your dog, dogs probably can't digest them, but you can, they're nice for human beings, they're the best ones, oh I love to eat knickknacks, cheesy ones are the best,

but the barbecue ones are fun, and what's the other flavors, I should have looked too far, I wrote the jingle, there was an unusual flavor, I remember try that one, and try them all, in fact that's what this advert's for, there you go, out and buy some knickknacks, they're nice with you, in a bunch pack, they're nice with a pint of beer, but only if you're over 18, knickknacks, it looks like that, remember the knickknack advert, I mean a lot of people remember we're upset by that knickknack advert because Ian personally wrote it, seemed to have done it in one go, and hadn't even read their brief properly, but people quite like that as a post-modern thing, they actually help people go and search out what the flavors of knickknacks were,

and they definitely some cheesy ones weren't they, but I remember some quite spicy ones, like the guy who wrote the jingle, I'm not really up to speed with all the flavors, but you know I don't need to be because I'm not writing jingles, so you know, in many ways, another stone here I'm picking up and this little, the little ones have to be cleared too, the little ones have to be cleared too, that is a stone clearing tenet, not a rule exactly that goes back, there's another stone star, he looks like, it might be the actress, and that badland, who you may have seen, she's principally known for being a vista fun in the pizza delivery shop, but she has done a few other jobs since then, I think it's her, she's so far away, a very good actor in Ted Lasso,

more recently, the landlady, a very good series, Ted Laffo of course, I thought, and it is a laugh, so we're really free-forming some fantastic stuff here today, if there was a BAFTA for men walking around the field, making stuff up as they went along, I reckon I'd, I'd, I'd unbox them, I'll probably win it, but I'd be in the running, right, those three stones I picked up are going into the, what looks, it's beautiful, it's like a hidden cairn now, looks like I'm just throwing it into a load of dry wheat, a round of bush around there, I look like a pole, but you could hear from the clinking, clanking, clicker clanks, there was more going on there, heading down towards the stone pole,

and it's interesting, if you were listening last year you'll know, oh well you won't remember, because I told you to forget, but there was two paths, one, the main path actually led to the Dominic Cummings Cairn, it's still there, I've been reconstructed after the vandalism, I think Scarf has disappeared, oh there's a dead mouse here, oh shit, it's got no head, don't look at it Wolfie, Wolfie didn't notice it, dead mouse with no head, that's maybe a little warning from this, from the same styles he did, did not move on to intermediate stuff, that mouse tried to move on to intermediate stuff and look what happened to him, I think that's the message they're sending out, but I will carry on, I've always known death is a possibility,

someone finds me lying in this path with my head off, chewed off you'll know why, anyway the path has very much been redirected to the stone cairn which I think speaks of the many pilgrims who know about this secret and holy site, they are making their way through the through the wheat to the to the stone pole, not to the Dominic Cummings Cairn, poor old Dominic Cummings, he was a venerated saint this time last year and now his reputation seems to have fallen somehow, right I'll pick up a few stones for the stone pole, that's a nice that's a nice chunky one that one can't miss, it's got it actually there's it feels like that might have been stone age man might have sculpted this is a perfect throwing stone, it's got like a

it's got it fits nicely into the hand there's a little bump on the back that hits between the middle finger and the index finger, the thumb there's a groove for the thumb and then another groove that just fits nice between little finger and the other finger, I do need to find four of the stones rather than looking at this one, this is the kind of stuff you'll get on intermediate much deeper analysis of the stones that are being thrown, I'm pretty sure this one has been used on an ancient stone pole and then found its way back onto the field somehow, all right I've got three stones, I've got another lovely caramel there, there's one, they're all in the small scale but of differing sizes within that, which is your perfect

stone pole, stone really, don't want to go too big, it's pretty hard to throw, they're too heavy, equally too easy to hit the pole with then, too medium, so yeah I picked up there's some slightly grotty looking stones covered in some sort of mildew here, we'll use those pass some more thistles, the fifth old and the nettles, the eight I was peeling in fine fetal when a nettle pricks me with its spiny thing, its spiny thing but then I tore a little and it surely made me whistle till I touched it with my penis and it hurt my little knob, right that's a slightly boredy one, sorry I shouldn't take any kids, it's the horse behind the stone pole, this is magical, try another way that it's not going to get hit but I've never seen

that before, horse in the field, right number one, it's direct hit that was the smallest one as well, one out of one, oh hits the wire of the pole and bounces back, it's still off the field but it didn't hit the pole, inspired by the England football team, let's see if I can hit the wrong pole, one out of three, this is the littlest one that hit the wrong pole that's gone to the next field, one out of four, missed, one out of five sorry for that, the first one hit, try another one from a distance just to try and take off some of the, I don't know if that means England aren't going to win, over on throw didn't hit, didn't hit, one out of six, do remember you sponsor me just giving.com slash monoball you will be,

saved from the curses of the poor throws as well as small luck from the good luck ones, for at least a year obviously there will still be some curse but it will hit you less harshly but you will get the good luck from the good throws at an expanded level as well, the more you give the okay you'll be, that's just how money works, we'll be doing a wee, I've just thrown off a small large into the fence, I'm hoping a nice wall is growing, well disappointing stone pole, hopefully the England football team will all give some money to the monoball, just giving.com slash monoball, otherwise I think we're going to be heading for defeat, similarly the Italians could be bad news for them, you know I think it was such a bad stone

pole I think both teams might lose in the final, you say Rich that's not possible, just watch and see and see the power of the stone pole, the nettle and the fithle, when they are both full grown of all the weeds that are in the field, the nettle is the nucleus but the fithle's pretty pretty too in a different way, probably prettier actually now I think about it but it doesn't hurt as much when it things you still hurt a bit though so watch out for both of them, old English, folks on, you may recognize the tune to that one, some of these get corrupted, there's a few little tie stones right by the main can, there's bits of flint really but I'll put them in as, again this

is an intermediate tip that I did give in the beginners lesson recently but you've forgotten about it, they're good to just fill the little gaps, give you a solid wall, the big stones are fine but does leave gaps water can permeate through, over time that can destroy your wall visible from space and make your wall invisible from space even if the stone the wall was big enough to be seen from space then you wouldn't be able to see it from space because of all the trees and stuff but um the weeds but uh they will come down they in nature we'll see to that, oh I'm feeling a bit hungry I had a breakfast wolf's but I'm feeling a bit hungry, how are you? yeah

wolf is fine, give me a look, you can't talk, dogs can't talk, whatever, whatever other inferior podcasts you might tell you, stones however they've been shouting out to me and there will be more interpretation of the stones and more telling what stones are saying as we are at an intermediate level kill them all Richard, kill them all, no I mustn't not yet just did a fart there don't know if I got picked up on the podcast but um it's very important if you're stone going to, and again this is something that I don't think I've said before, it's very important to let that out but not if you think it's going to be follow through, as long as you're

pretty sure it's a air fart and not a wet fart, let it out, it propels you forward a little bit gives you a little bit of forward momentum but also make sure that you're not distracted by any stomach issues as long as you can move on before the smell which I've managed to do quite well there, left the smell behind me, it's also quite a good way of confronting any stone styles either coming up behind you to give you a little cloud and marsh gash, marsh gash, marsh gash behind you then um that can put them off, very very sensitive to smell, so is Wolfie though she doesn't mind you do you, it's a way of finding out whether uh someone needs a stone stasi, they really don't like farts, I think my wife probably is and then there's stone styles

they don't like the smell of your farts and they go uh stone stasi, right but no stone stasi around so that was a wastage fart in some ways but it did propel me forward a very tiny amount so uh I picked up a stone for the afronomicale on the way out and once we've done that it'll be time for your emails, in the old days I'd, life, life's don't care, I'd sing their song, I'm gonna do that, this isn't about singing stupid songs, this is actually, let's have a look at the emails, this one uh comes from uh nettle thistles, I'm weird that but you know that is, I don't know if they're related to john nettles and compost eat nettles, probably not because it's their christy man, hi Richard I've

been listening to all their beginner podcasts uh chapters, I mean they've written them, I'm just reading them later and uh you can call them podcasts if you want, I feel like I understand a lot of the basics of stone clearing but I am scared of the intermediate stuff coming up, I'm scared to listen to it, can you reassure me that it's okay to listen to it, well not without you listening to this podcast uh nettle, so you will have had to listen to this to get to the point right earlier don't worry it's fine, I'm going to ease you in gently, I'm sorry if I made you all think it was going to be a huge change, it's a slight change as we go and I'm a professional here, this isn't the first time I've done hundreds of podcast episodes about stone clearing, I know what I'm doing,

I'm not going to scare you off and if you are scared then you're not meant to be here nettle, so you can do that net. High undyed door, maybe a Japanese listener, hi Richard I'm from Japan, hi isn't that high undyed door, I recognize that high undyed is probably, I think that Japanese name probably door as well, high undyed door, I from Japan, I saw that, don't say it twice, are we allowed to clear stones in Japan, yeah you can clear stones anyway, you can clear stones on Mars, you know so don't think I'll just just go by speaking in English and earthling, this isn't for everyone, aliens you can do it,

gods you can do it, I mean god if you would do it that would be helpful you could just make it, the stone gods you could just do it yourself, yeah it's certainly for everyone but only if you listen to the first hundred chapters and then forgotten them, there are no rules to stand for, you must forget that there are no rules and no there are some rules, that's the second rule, but yeah stone cloning is for everyone, dogs you can do it, can't you wolves, oh well oh the nettles, oh the nettles, I don't like the way they sting, oh the fiddles, oh the fiddles, I don't like the way they scratch my scratch my skin, oh why have you put these things here to torment us stone gods for stone gods, why didn't you just leave us so there was nothing but sod

and we could clear the photon and we could clear the photon, it's sort of a weird hymn that from the medieval times because it's sort of criticizing rather than celebrating gods but I think we all the interesting thing about that so it does show the frustration of why didn't the gods just leave it so the world is nice, why did they make us suffer, why did they not just put all the stones together in one place so we didn't have to do it but as the final verse of that song goes we must not question the stone gods however stupid their decisions seem to be, we must just do their work for that is how it is written and so it must be fiel and we'll take in the fiddles and the nettles, that's all part of it I expect and some we'll find out when we bed why

there were nettles and fiddles and then we'll go to bed, you should go bed now thanks for listening sleep tight everyone, sleep tight, enjoy your stone clearing well done for getting to this important bye stone clearing with Richard Herring starting me Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog plus ah there was a one stone star oh the net band landslady was there to achieve a distance the voice of the Fatones is Michael Faheen and the music Mufik is by Mike Coffgrave to the birth and truth don't listen to your underhand listen to the throats listen to the throats and they in turn fall

her to you my friend my fine friend