Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 105

Episode Date: September 6, 2021

Field of Gold. It's before 8am on 6th September 2021 and Richard and Wolfie have an event strewn stone clear ahead of them. There have been changes on the Ftocean that just make things harder than before, but that's why you're here, for intermediate advice on how to cope with this and there's tonnes of this. Plus an intervention from a possibly dead celebrity and a callous murder at the end. And more rules than you can shake a stick at.

Stone Clearing. With Richard Herring. Morning flag hags. Welcome to chapter 105. Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Hope you're having a good day. It's September 6th, 2021. It's 7.46pm. We're just heading up to the duckets passage. We'll be very keen to get up on the station today. I don't know if she knows. There's been some exciting developments. I do know because she has been up here as well. She doesn't know really. I'm trying to pretend. The crop has been taken, harvested, harvested, as they used to say. In my naivety, when there's a season stone clearing, you can make mistakes. I was thinking this was Photone Griffmoth, but of course it's not. That's when the field is plowed

for the next crop. In fact, as we're about to see, conditions are even more intermediate than they were before, if such a thing is possible. Because here we are at the station, and the station is still a sea of straw-coloured hay. I suppose it's what hay is. That's hence his colour. I need to find an offering for the alphanomic again. It's actually even harder to see any stones now than it was when there's a crop here. The ground is not only still covered in stalks that are yet to be taken out, but also all the detritus from the harvest. And absolutely, even the path now fairly well covered in tiny bits of straw. I found a couple of tiddlers there on the path, they're going off. But conditions are like being in a fog,

looking for a whisper smoke. That's the conditions we're in now. Where have you gone wolves, have you? It's awful out here, and that's why, of course, I knew we couldn't be going back to the beginners lesson, even when we do get to stone Christmas. We will be tackling that as intermediates. It's a very exciting time for the beginner. We'll be just doing a poo in the undergrowth, they can see it now. Board lines pick up there, I think. Let's have a look. Could be one that we just cover with a light dusting of hay. I can find it even so in the undergrowth. I think this one's okay not to pick up poo fans.

There it is. That one's fine. Covered it, buried it. It's not in a place anyone's going to stand. Let nature take its course. How do you deal with these situations where you can't really see any stones? Well, you have to go for the stones you can see. Clear the stones you can see, not the stones you know are there but you can't see. Because it's an old piece of wisdom, it's not a rule, it's more an adage. If you concern yourself with the stones you can't see, you will go crazy. Because of course you'll start going, well there are stones out there on the field.

Further away that I can't see, I should be clearing those. There are stones underground that I can't see. I should be clearing those. You can only clear the stones that you can see. And even then sometimes you can't. You can only clear the stones you can see and they are accessible to pick up. Sometimes I can see a stone there but it's so deeply buried I would need a spade or something similar to clear it. And I do not have a spade and nor should I have one. A trowel is as much as I'll occasionally allow myself but even that I think is bending the rules of polite stone clearing as far as they will go. Because there are no rules to stone clearing. That is actually the first rule of stone clearing.

The second rule is you must not use an implement of any kind than a kinder. Or to procure the photons from their foily earth on pain of death. So it's quite a serious rule. That's why it's number two. It's a rule that I feel a trowel doesn't fall under. It's not really an implement. An archeological trowel. I'm not talking about a garden trowel. Obviously that would be not allowed but an archeological trowel. I think that's about it because you could say well I'm being an archeologist as well. And that's why I'm doing it. Oh there's a stone I'll clear that. Now it's out of the ground. I'm looking for some gold underneath which I will also clear because it's if it's organic and I need to panic and it's not to toss the twat, chuck the twat.

Get it right bitch, come on. I just found a little patch of soil amongst the straw here and immediately breached it with four tiddlers. But together they make almost a medium stone. Probably altogether a small, medium, medium actually. So a little way up the medium. But still when you add that up with all the other small stones I've tossed off the field. You know, it's quite a lot, quite a big stone that'll be. Been doing this for what, three years nearly? Or is it four? No, three. I've lived in this house that I'm in for four years. It took me a while to come around to Stone Clearing, realising what I had, the resource I had here. And I'm walking on the field which is now allowed but it's wet with straw and there's just nothing to see.

You can only clear the stones you can see. I can see a stone stars in the distance. It's time things is crossing the field between the ken, the main ken and the ken across from the main ken. Perhaps that path we're not going that way today. So back on the path I found a chalky stone that goes into the trees. And another small, medium I'd say that's going into the holly bushes. I've thrown it high but it's fallen through the force of gravity. Sometimes you can get a stone up in a tree. It may stay there for a few hundred years. But gravity and what's the word I'm looking for when things rot. Entropy, whatever, they will eventually find its way to the ground.

As long as the tree does not fall back onto the field, that's always a risk. So to be safe, I just usually keep the stones low. Keep the stones low and just remembering the phrase about the series of famous medieval phrases. Keep the stones low for like seeds they fowl grow, like seeds they fowl grow. Throw the stones high, you fowl feed them again nigh. So basically translating that into modern English, if you throw the stones low like seeds they won't grow like seeds. They will proliferate, they will appear to grow because you'll be throwing other stones on top of them. If you throw them high, you'll see them again nigh.

I just forgot what the thing was, having remembered it. It means they will go into a tree, the tree will fall on the field and you'll have to clear them again. It's a little, like, terrible, I guess. Not saying I'm Jesus, because I've been come up with it. I don't think Jesus came up with that one, it's not in the Bible anyway. He had a couple of nice little stones onto the main cane, a bit neglected and late. And it's nice to be out further into the Pototion, but really without bringing some kind of machine that could clear all this organic material off. It will go in and say, you know, be patient, don't be complacently patient, because this stuff will not survive.

It's already brown, it will turn to mulch, stones beneath will be revealed. Also, it will be plowed over, and if someone else is going to implement, there's nothing you can do about that. So if you know a farmer with a plow machine, and they're not using it, they are. Why don't you plow this field here? That's not you doing it. There's ways around the rules, and the first rule of thumb clearing is there is no rule of thumb clearing. The second rule of thumb clearing is try and work your way around the rules, if you can. The rules are made to be broken. That's the third rule. Fourth rule is, but not the rules of thumb clearing, they are sacrosanct.

I'm right out here, I'm five metres from the shore, and I can't see a dicky bird. In stone terms, I'm looking around for a dicky, I can't see a dicky bird either. Let's go a little bit further up. Again, even there's some tracks here from the tractor, where no crop was grown. But even this is even worse, actually, the heads of wheat that were fallen by the wayfied. It's just a carpet. It's a carpet of wheat chaff, a carpet of chaff, a carpet of straw, straw carpet. I'm trying to come up with a title for this week's episode, I'm just workshopping it with myself. This week's chapter, I should say.

Let's just look at this, I mean it's so thick, look at that. You can never even hear me kicking it, so it's still not at the bottom of it, and there's nothing. Then when you get in the bottom, just the stalks are lying flat. Even if you knew there was a stone there, even if you had a complicated stone map that you'd taken to the field for, I'm not saying you'll have that. You wouldn't be able to get to the stones, even if you knew they were there. There's a little bit of light between the gold. It is like a field of gold, that's a good title for the episode.

Field of gold. But let's have a look, so we can see a reentry. I need to find some ammo, I'm going to have to go right to the side, where some stones that are more or less off the field. I'll chuck them completely off the field, it's always worth doing. No singing reentry today. I've got to set my Apple Watch going with how far I've walked, but never mind, we don't know how far it is. We've done about 15 minutes, approaching 15 minutes. Very few stones cleared, even those last three.

If there was BAR on this field, I think the referee might say those stones I cleared were already cleared. I've cleared them further. Which is a nice luxury to have, but not a bad thing, but when there are so many stones still to go. So three years in, more or less, approaching three years in. If I maybe started idly beginning this, it wasn't podcasting at that point. And I think you can really start to see the difference I'm making out here. If you were here, you'd look around and if you could see how many stones are on the field. Or someone on the field.

It's not big, the size of a snail shell, large and medium sized snail. Not one of those really tiny ones, not one of the massive ones. You know, if you think of a snail, maybe you saw in a pathway. It was about that size, including the, it would be the shell and the snail head popping out. That's the size of that one. And there are a few more stones to be seen in this particular area for some reason. But yes, if you'd had seen before and after, I've had thoughts to take a photo of the field. And look at this here again, nearly off the field, but a huge amount, a scree of stones there that I've taken for a flying off.

So we're making some headway. If you could see the field, which you can't at the moment because of all the straw. And you could look into the undergrowth, which you can't because it's too high. You would go, wow, that is three years of a man's life that has been well spent. But you know, even if this were a field of gold, I would ignore the gold. If this was all gold or this gold straw, I would ignore the gold. I mean, I'd take it off and throw it away if I could. But to me, stones are worth more than gold and rescuing them from their plight, putting them somewhere.

I know they'll be happy. That's worth no more to me than all the gold in Christendom over days. So, oh, look, some stones. A little cash, and these are definitely on the field. No VAR referee would dare to claim they weren't. They're amongst the straw. I mean, they're literally two inches from the path. But I'm clear from the path as well.

It takes them a good three feet away from the undergrowth. And there's hundreds of the fuckers here. I could spend all day here if I wanted to, but I'm just taking a few. Patience, not complacence, weight. You'll get all these stones off if you believe. And that, I guess, you know, some people say riches. They're really 105 episodes worth of advice about stone clearing. Well, yes, there are.

There's more, many more than that. But also a lot of what I'm doing here is preparing you for the psychological battle. Oh, yeah, I've had clear stones. You find a stuff, pick it up, and you put it on the side of the field. Why do you need to have a podcast explaining that? I'm too clever for this podcast. I'm going to listen to something you idiot. You idiot, you poor fool.

I pity you because three years in, two years in, five years in, suddenly your brain is going to be hit by the weight of what you're attempting. Every now and again, it'll happen. You'll have a realization. You'll go, this is what I've said how to do. It's impossible, arguably pointless. You'll have doubts. People will put it in your head.

People, even if they don't know about it. You say, yeah, this guy, Richard Haring, stone clearing. What's the point of that? Well, the point is to have a wall visible from space that people will know was you made. Eventually the secret moment. Yeah, so a little bit stupid now. But also, it's not stupid, but you'll need someone. It's been through the same thing as you to explain to you why it's not stupid

and why what you're doing is a good idea. And to reassure you that you're not wasting your time, just found another little cache. Oh, it's got a slight prickle off of a weed there growing in the field. Probably planted by a stone. We're back in the corner here and there's often a lot of stones in this corner. The next field, the bales of hay in there. So I don't know if they're going to do that in this field as well.

It looks about the same height. Maybe they just haven't picked up the bales. Maybe that's how they, I don't know. But the corn that is in the field next to that is still unharvested. Right, we're heading across the diagonal. I did see another member of the stone stars here, by the way. I didn't tell you about it because I didn't want to scare you. So I knew she was of no immediate threat.

And again, a few stones off here actually. We're right in the corner. These are going into the wall between the two fields. I'm skewed by a massive wall of thistles at the moment. But when those thistles die and fade away, what wonders people will say, where did that wall come from? It looks like it was constructed by the fairy folk. And that's the only answer it can be.

The fairy folk will not help you here. They're too busy in their singing and ringing tree. They're not clearing stones. If they were, this job would be easy. They have other things to concern them. So getting a few stones out here from a distance. If you just take someone. Looks like a fun game if anyone sees us.

We're just having a fun game. There's nothing fun about this. If you've got 105 episodes into this instructional manual and you think the stone clearing is fun. Then you're not listening. You haven't been listening at all. Liffon, my friends. Liffon with your mind.

Not with your ear. Can I get this one to shore? I mean, this is a long way now. Big effort from Herring. It bounces. Oh my goodness. I did not think that would go at one bounce. Pounced on the path.

Wolf is chasing after it like a demon. Too late. It's in the hedgerow. Perfect throw. And no one would have predicted that. I think that's the additional fitness. Plus, you know, three or four years of throwing stones from a distance. You get better.

More accurate. Hit less people. Fewer people, whatever. Language changes you more on. I heard you. And I think you're a moron. Okay. I've got two.

I've got a little tiny one that's like the size of a squashed word as original. Slightly bigger one. Size of maybe three squashed words as originals. Hard to squash the words as original. But if you get them in an old man's pocket for long enough. So I'm just picking up. I'm going to not even worry about picking up huge ones here for the central can. I'm just going to get whatever scree is available to me.

And truly, truly terrible conditions here for the stone clearing. I have to. Oh shit. Back on your lead. That's the first thing to do. They're heading right for us. This is a disaster. Luckily because I've got all small stones.

I reckon I can probably secrete them around my person. I've seen another one there. I'm going to stick them in that pocket. Which is quite a good idea. Anyway. Just so they can't see a stone in my hand. Going to take Wolfie a little bit into the field maybe. Give these people some room.

I say these people. It's a woman and a dog. Oh there's a mast out here. That looks good to come out here. She's also going to the other side of the path. Oh some crackers out here. I wish I could stop and pick them up. Stay.

Stay. Morning. Whoop. If you're very keen to play. I'm not allowed. Just the place I went out to. There was one the size of an ostrich egg out there. I had to leave it.

I'll remind myself it's there. Think about that next time I'm crossing. Shout out. It'll be too late. Of course this is pretty recorded. She has no idea. My back pockets are my jeans. It's a little jing with up to six small stones.

Expect to have a nice bit of flint here going green. Looks like it's a little groove in it. Maybe we want to use by Stone Age Man to create some fire or something. No interest to me. Don't use the stones for your own ends. They're not your slaves. They are not even your equals. They're above your equals.

That's the stone age one that's gone on. That's one. Another one at the back pocket. That's probably the biggest one from the back pocket. That's quite big. No huge ones. I might have done a tiny one there. That might be the original one.

Another small medium. I've got quite a few crossing. I don't throw them through the house keys in there. Nearly did. Okay. So we did okay there. It's not. It would have been better without the stone starsy intervention.

She looked like a female Jimmy Savile wearing a sort of shell suit thing. Sort of cap. Quite a character. Sort of person you might see her earlier as a Briton's got talent. Probably telling her to not have talent. But you know, maybe surprising you by having some talent. That's the, that's the, I think we've got a view of who I'm talking about. Crossword Jimmy Savile.

Which if he were here, I think that would be his, that would be where he was aiming. No, he is exact. Oh, that was another great throw. I'm, I'm, I've got a sort of super strength. I don't know. I wouldn't call it superpower. I'm like 20 feet away.

And I threw a stone. It hit the telegraph pole. Bang. There's only a small one. I mean, if, you know, maybe that's the problem with the stone. Stone, stone, stone parts too close. And I found some mediums. I found a couple of, well, together they make a medium.

They're the biggest stones I've seen today. Wolf is excited about them. But I do need some ammo for the stone pole. I think these may be too big. Have to make it a slight challenge or the stone gods will laugh at you. Do go and sponsor me at justgiving.com slash monoball. If you want some extra good luck or battle to assuage the bad luck from the stone pole. And the unlikely events I do badly.

Just did four and a half out of five last week. I'm aiming for to beat that. Maybe get up to six out of five. Not possible. Anything's possible out here on the field. The field of gold. The stone stars even disappointingly quiet and absent in recent walks. Many of them, of course, old may have died in the coronavirus.

You can see a horse right behind the stone pole. I wonder if that's something to do with the stone stars. Maybe they've started listing horses. You can never be sure. You never know what they'll do next. People said I was being paranoid and crazy, but then that guy came along through all the stones back on, slightly threatening me.

Maybe the conspiracy theories are right. I've got five nice little stones. Remember the tree that will be. You've got one that has to pick it up. Unless you are being pursued by the stone stars. I've got five nice small stones in these two medium stones. I'll chuck the two medium stones towards the base of the stone pole just to help create more of a ken there.

There must be a pretty good ken developing. Wolves, come here. These don't count. First two throws underground. Good job it doesn't count. You can hear the click. Oh, that one hit, but it doesn't count. Hit the base.

Right, here we go. The darts throw the horse looking at me. And the horse delighted to see one out of one. Checking no one else is around. Two out of two. This is magic. Three out of three have got it. Oh, just four out of four.

Can it be the perfect throw? You know it can. There's two horses. There's a baby one and a mother one. And they're coming to have a look. Five out of five horses. What do you think? Go tell your masters.

Nay. They're very negative. Horses in general. Even those horses were quite impressed by that. Five out of five. Go just giving.com slash monoball. If you feel like you want more luck than five out of five, I'll give you good luck with that.

If you want more luck than a five out of five. Remember, you can still subscribe on Twitch. Give me some free money from Twitch, even though I'm not twitching very much. Twitch is fun, hopefully, back this week. We'll see. It will be in a very slender down format, if it is because I have a lot of work on.

Oh, I'm very pleased about that. First five out of five for a while. Just bang, bang, bang, bang. Small stones as well. Six out of five. I did predict six out of five. And what happened? The previous stone, which I wasn't really counting, hit.

It was six in a row. Six out of five. Yeah, you can disbelieve it. But unlike the witches in Macbeth, Macbeth thought he couldn't get killed by a man who wasn't born of a woman. Didn't think about women being dead. Some of them being open.

Thought trees couldn't move. Didn't think about soldiers cutting down the spoiler. Didn't think about someone cutting down the trees and walking with them, which is not really exactly what the prediction said, to be fair. But that's it. You've got to sometimes the predictions have to be interpreted favorably.

And a nice small medium. I'm going to put on the central main kin, not the central kin, the main kin. And Michael's kin. Since Michael's kin. Never quite felt it's got back to its true glory after the vandalism, but it's getting there.

Seems to have sunken down. It was hurt. Anyone who says a kin doesn't have feelings can come and look at this kin. Oh, it's looking pretty good. Looking quite perky. We'll put that one up. It's found its way.

Like in Tipping Point, kind of going up high when fell found its level. It's looking beautiful. It's not much different than it looked a year ago, but with anything a bit smaller. Nice little casual toss there. I'm throwing very well there. I think I might be asleep,

because I think seems to have some superpowers. But, you know, there could be worse superpowers than having them being able to throw a small stone slightly further than you're expecting. Or with a degree of accuracy. Jockey Wilson with envy. I'd like to see Jockey Wilson here throwing stones at a pole.

See how he did. He could get 5 out of 5, but he couldn't. It's an open challenge to Jockey Wilson there. I'll tell you where the field is. You can come and have a go, mate, if you think you're hard enough. And you might say,

isn't Jockey Wilson dead? And I would say, I don't think so. I don't remember that. Just the sound of footsteps crunching over stalks of wheat now. For you to enjoy as you contemplate whether Jockey Wilson is alive or dead,

and whether that would make any difference. If he is dead, that gives me an slight advantage, but if he was as good a dart player as he claims, it shouldn't matter, he should be able to throw a stone at a large... So, walking mark, I think, from the distance of, I mean,

like literally very six feet. A little bit more, but certainly not as far as he has to chuck the arts. But again, no flights on the stones. No predictive of where they'll go. Air currents, wind can affect stone throw. I did just stop Brexit looking for a stone, but no stones to be seen here.

I tried to dig down. I mean, Jesus, we're in trouble. Ah, there's something. And one stone as I dug down, and that goes into the Brexit bitch. Right, we're arriving at the Ken Cross. Sorry, the Dauphrenomega Ken. It's omega now, of course.

We just need to somehow find something amongst all this. That'll do it. It's tiny, but Dauphrenomega gods understand that in these trying circumstances, any stone at all is a triumph. They will be happy with what I've done. Time for this week's emails. I don't know if this is paused.

Just that horrible feeling we'd lost all this gold. Just looking through the emails. Oh, what a coincidence. There's one from Jocky Wilson, the darts player. It's just strange. Sometimes that can happen, and that's sort of synchronicity. Hi, Richard, it's me, Jocky Wilson, the darts player. A lot of people think I'm dead, but no.

How would I be emailing you if I was? I haven't yet listened to chapter 105, because of course you haven't yet recorded it, but I just have a feeling it's been moving up in the darts direction I've noticed. I thought you might bring me up. Firstly, a lot of people do think I've died, and there was a story I think about that,

but I wasn't dead. It's like the Mandela Effect. I've talked to Barry from the Paracord about that. I'm still alright. I'm still doing okay, just not playing as darts as much. And I reckon I could easily take you in the stone pole to really underestimate how good I am at chucking stuff at small targets from a greater distance than you.

I don't think it makes any difference if you were talking about this or if you were, but just in case you were. I would take you on any time. Just give me a call. Or let me up on Twitter at chuckywilson. I'm not PS, I'm not great. Well, there we go. I think that's pretty much proof. I mean, the chance of someone pretending to be Jockey wasn't

and also happening to real other than Jockey wasn't this week. That's that clear. Thank you, Jockey. I will take you on. Maybe next week's show will get you on. If you are, I'd have to sign a confidentiality agreement. And, hey, back home. Pretty girl just hooked me up. I think you'd use that by talking to yourself. He looks cool. Sorry, darling. I'm married to the Stones.

I'm married to the Stones, but obviously we've got for David. That's the word that we can make love on the field if you are. All right, here we go. Just skate. It dissolves this podcast and it's still load of fucking shit. It's only been repaired once or twice already. Absolute dog shit. All right, so let's go into the kitchen.

We'll get you some food. There's Smithers. The cat sitting outside enjoying the autumn sunshine. Oh, Wolfie's gone for a page old battle between dog and cat. Smithers has come in through the cat's flap. Unfortunately, I've just opened the door. Wow, I've got a bit of drama turning the podcast on. My friend's really. All right, just washing my hands.

I'll get Wolfie some food. Don't lick the dishwasher. We've given you proper food here. Look. You can look the juice off the dishwasher. What are you? You trying to embarrass me in front of all my friends on your podcast? Well, that's chapter 105. I think you'll agree.

We're listening to the first 104 chapters to get to this one. I hope you've picked up the quality of those. We're really getting somewhere, I think. And you need that staying fire. That's the thing. It's not a challenge that I've made any of these podcasts unrecognizable and boring. Because to be a good sound player,

the thing you have to learn is patience, not being complacent. You have to learn to deal with tedium. And I hope that the first 104 podcasts helped you that because number 105 was a fucking whirlwind of excitement. And a celebrity darts player and everything. I'm only going to get more exciting, but I might do some boring ones just to test you again.

There's a fly on your cat food. Let me see if I can kill a fly before we... At the end of this thing, there's only a little bit of cat food. Ah, you stupid fly. You stupid, stupid fly, you fell right into my trap. Not dead yet though, but it will be as soon as I kill it here. Ah, poor little cat. Well, if you want to see some fly murder,

there's a podcast to come to. But I say to any flies out there, don't fucking dick around with me. Don't dick around. I respect you, you respect me. Just come into my house. If you come into my house, you belong inside. If you come into my house, I will fuck you up.

Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. I only have to be lucky once. Okay, sorry to any Buddhists and vegetarians out there, for the ritual act there. Sometimes that just has to be there. Enjoy your photon clearing. See you next week. Probably week is a very vague concept.

Bye. Lift them to the stone, my friend. And they for half a year merry dance. Don't lift them to the birch and tree. Don't lift them to your underpants. Lift them to the stone. Lift them to the stone. And they in turn,

I'll lift them to you, my friend. Stone clearing with Richard Haringstad, me, Richard Haring, and Wolfie the dog, who I didn't know would hurt her paw on that walk. Or something, maybe when she had the cat on her. I don't know. She had to go to the vet. She's okay, but she's hurt her paw.

It's very sad, there's blood everywhere. I didn't notice on the podcast I mentioned that. That's what you get for killing the fly. Thank you also to the stone stars. Lady, you looked a bit like Jimmy Savile. And the music is by Mike Coffbray. The voice of the Potons is Michael Faheen. Lift them to the stone, my friend.

And they for half a year merry dance. Don't lift them to the birch and tree. Don't lift them to your underhand. Lift them to the stone, lift them to the stone. And they in turn, I'll lift them to you, my friend. My fine friend.