Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 108

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Chapter 108 Quick Fand - It's approaching 6pm on 2nd October and most of you are heading for a night out on the town, but Richard is heading for a night on the Stocean wave to clear some stones in the rain. He will be warning of how you can get sucked off out here on a night like tonight, plus how improper wiping can give you fingers like an ardent stone clearer. So be warned. He pays the price for glory seeking like some kind of Bryan Bramble and ponders on what the Ditch that Ftopped Brexit might have saved us from.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Right, come on little monkey dog. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I am like James Bond. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. It's tight like clearing stones instead of killing people and having sex with women. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Otherwise I'm like James Bond.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. So watch out if you're James Bond. It's here I come. You only live, you only clear stones once. Unless you have to go back and clear them the second time because they're falling back onto the field. Right, come on wolves. We're still in the house unusually. But welcome to chapter 108 of the Stone Clearing with Richard Herring.

It's just about six o'clock, that's p.m. And it's the, what is it, the second or the third, the second of October. Shut that door. Shut that door. Come on wolves, all straight. I'm excited about being out. It's raining. You're probably getting ready for your Saturday night out on the town.

Maybe watching James Bond, maybe being James Bond. Come on, let's go. So far his work has never done. We have to come out and rain or shine. Day or night. The weekend means nothing to us. Whether it's a concept of time or a pop music band, we don't know that. But that is either.

Here we go. I put in the crap of you. Oh, I thought I saw someone coming up behind me and then there was no one there. Good, good, good, good, good, good, good, good, ghost. Come on wolves. So here we are heading up Duckett's Passage. It's a nice day. It's gray skies, drizzle, it's been raining pretty hard.

The good news is that shouldn't mean there aren't many stone stars around there. Some of them melted, they're hit by water, of course. And most of them are just too old to want to come out in the rain. So if I bump into any stone stars, they'll be the young attractive ones. So if I'm honest, I'll get into the slight frisson, I think both ways. And maybe this is the day I finally get lucky out here. Remember, all human laws and marriage vows do not count out here on the station. Anything goes.

Someone's got a nice fire going through them. I can smell some beautiful smoke. There's no one around. We're going to let Wolfie off the lead for a little run around. And yeah, we're here. The station has been cleared of all vegetation. How for an hour you can. It's a nice donation.

It's a word offering. Wolfie's done a couple of poos already today. So it's a nice which is there. Going to go in the pocket just in case. Just in case of another Kickstarter. There are a few which is finger and which is dip boxes left over. So you never know one day they may become available. The ones with the good numbers, the numbered ones.

It's a very spudgy. It's not nice. And I'm a little way out. There's some grass like stuff growing. I don't know the crops have already been planted. I don't know much. It feels like this. Maybe has done so.

I'm not sure I can go out on the field too much. So now I'm not stopping it for the farmers. Oh, it's very muddy on the pathway. Bad conditions out here. But good lot of stones. Very dark brownstone there. Most as dark as a bill chocolate bar. Probably about a sixth of a bar.

Just throw enough. If it was a Bourneville bar, you'd regular it. Like your mum would get in the 1970s. And your dad had a Texan bar, remember? He always had the Texan bar, wasn't he? You'd like to put Mars bars in the thing? You might put Texan bars in the freezer as well. He wasn't your dad.

Remember? Weird bar for a grown man to eat. Of course, he was younger than I am now when he was eating a Texan bar. And I bloody love a Texan bar. And I'm 54. My God! How did that happen?

It's going to be a little tough trip round. I think we might just do the shorts. The short version today. Maybe no stone pole today. It's been mixed blessings at the stone pole anyway, hasn't it? Or I'm just going to do a mini-hassle off. I've just spotted something nice laying on the ground there. I don't think there's anything being planted yet.

I think the stuff that's growing is just weeds. But you never know with a farmer. There's no rest is there for the farmers. God! So I've got muddy fingers. Muddy boots. Luckily we're wearing wellies today. We're wearing my barber jacket.

Barber. Not just for going to the barber. Also can be used for stone clearing. But nothing else. Not a posh barber jacket. I mean, not the ones you'd associate with Ray Henry's. Remember them? Remember Texan bars and Ray Henry's?

Remember what was the girls called? I don't know. Remember Chase Yardman will have done a character. Based on it would have been very funny. Just trying out a bit of humour just to get us through this tricky time. When the rain's beaten down. You can see all these beautiful stones. Need for one man to clear in a lifetime.

Some would say, I would say no. Just enough for a man to clear. Once he's got over 50 with his remaining time. This field is his. These stones. Using the kick technique there, one on the par. Came off nicely. Or there's another nice one.

Someone's cut back the brambles here. They may have found some stones beneath those brambles. I often just throw stones into here. They haven't cleared the brambles away. So you can't see. They've just cut them down. Chain it. That's food.

Free food growing out here. We are in Intermediate Chapter. This is why I've come out to date with the recorder. I'll just show you how, even in the good times. How tough. Stonkler can be. The ground is, because it's recently been found here. Very difficult to get through.

Even the pathways. Not really yet solid enough. I think once across the field we might start to find along the path. I think we might start to find things getting treacherous. A few stonklers have been lost, of course, in the quick sands of the Stocean. If you don't keep moving, you can just sink your way down. Disappear. Occasionally you come across the Skellington Stonkler on the field.

He wasn't moving quickly enough. So keep moving to avoid that fate. These are the good tips. The quick fan does take the Stonkler away. So keep moving along for to fee another day. That's the way the medieval people remembered that. You'd think it would be easy to remember with the imminent threat of being sucked off by a field. Or fucked off.

They would have laughed at that in those days, because that would have had a weird double meaning. Fucked off by a field. I've been fucked off by this field a few times, I have to say. But never sucked off by the field. And I've just, again, taken a little jaunt out to find the lovely, clean, slightly caramel, slightly the color of the caramac, and bigger than a regular caramac. Thicker and wider, and that's gone on the corner of the field, which is looking poor, I have to say. And we are now walking up in through Sludge.

Do I have to keep moving here? Just remember that rhyme I just told you, obviously I won't repeat it, because I've just said it, and that would be crazy to say it twice. So I won't repeat it with the word verbatim. Because I've said it, so I don't need to say it again. I'm not going to patronize you. If you can't keep up, take notes, write this stuff down, or just rewind and listen again. Then if you can hear the drip, drip, drip of the rain hitting my posh bagel,

and my humble head, onto my graying hair. But we're getting a few stones off despite all of this. Something to the roots of the trees here. Thick layer of mud looks like I've had a very bad accident wiping my anus, but I haven't, and if I had done I would have washed that off. I am, and I don't know if I would because I can never have. But I would if it did happen. But it hasn't.

It hasn't, because I'm very good at wiping my bum. I guess we all have accidents sometimes. And you know, some of us forget how to wipe our bums, don't we? And suddenly you find poo on your fingers. That's what I've heard. I don't know why, that's probably why it made me think of it. So having heard that, it's one of the people. Rain really coming down now.

I don't know if we'll get thunder and lightning and hail, as this happened out here before, not on the unrecorded one. But there was a one I did fear for my life, a stone clear, where I could see the lightning progressing towards me, in my direction across the field. That was a pretty scary day. But the stone god spared me. My belief in the stone god's gods

probably saved me that day. Member stones do not conduct electricity. That's the made of metal. They contain some metal. And they might conduct electricity. I don't know, actually. Just be careful with the lightning. What a way to go.

And what a police report it would have been if they listened back to what I'd been doing on my phone. And the death. How confused they would have been. A can across from the main can. I mean, I can't even call them mediums. They're definitely still smalls, but they're big smalls. They're not biggie smalls, but they're big smalls.

Yeah, I've got the references for kids to understand. You need to, if you're going to indoctrinate, I mean, convince young people to become stone clearers. You need to talk their language, the old biggie smalls. Was he big, was he small? I couldn't make him mine up. And that's in the past, okay. The path is solidified enough,

enough to be walked across this path that the rain has turned it into a little rivulet, but the ground is hard beneath my feet. Like a wrecked penis stretching away across the field. And some way from the edge, now I'm going to try and throw this one to the edge. Oh, he's going to try and chase it. It's gone now.

It's just bouncing in the middle of the field and sometimes you can skim a stone across this potion and get it to the edge against all odds of that one. Nearer to the edge, then it starts. There's a lovely round one here, a slightly inflated cricket ball that rolls that down. Just got to watch out for Wolfie. And that's rolled down the path,

and that's beautifully stayed on the path. As long as Wolfie doesn't pick it up, she's going to pick it up. Picking it up and bringing it back to me. That's the problem with having a stone dog. Drop it. Drop it. Oh, you didn't pick it up. Wolfie really picked it up, but she didn't. Oh, she swatted it, but she didn't.

Down to the back to die. You're a good girl, aren't you? That one will be on the next, don't clear? That one's off. Beautifully, I just bowled it. That was like crown green bowling down the penis river across the hard penis river across the station.

Not many oceans have a river running through them. This one does. It's a river. It's a hard river. Missed. I've come to the hillside. Crows on the fields. You can probably hit the pitter-patter of the rain hitting me,

but as long as I have the stones, I don't get... I hope I won't get sad about being all wet. Very treasure, of course. Very treasure. That's the same. To me, that is treasure. Not a very big one, not even a medium. Now, along here, I'm expecting to find some right tasty treats.

I'm taking off a call to me, and I said, I'm some treasure. And I said, all of the stones are treasures. And he was done. Because I have not taken them. What is this shoe there? Look at that. A picture of that.

How weird. I'm going to put that stone down. I'm going to crush it. I can do this one handy. I can do it one handy. Open. I'm going to take this shoe off. It's made of rubber, I think, so it will decay eventually.

I'm going to take a picture of it for you just in case you want to see it. Two shoe. Maybe that's the shoe on one of the stone clearers. Maybe that he was fucked into the field. Fucked so hard. Traced down. His few shoe remains.

I don't want to make it up to the small ones. I'm looking for some treasure, a big property. I know you're all treasure. And I am your Jesus, and you are my disciple. There's some good, a lot of stones. Usually, you can get even up to the large scale, which we haven't been seeing much of. Certainly mediums.

And I'm all I'm seeing is a small large. I'm not going to pick them up for now, but I'll give you the example of what can be found out here. I'm taking a little bit of a detail. Just know what's around. Well, that's very disappointing. The big stones may have been buried by the plow. Once it does come,

I'll pick up some more stones because... Maybe you can get some stones off, but yeah, nothing. All these barely mediums. I can't call any of these mediums. I've got four stones off. Very surprised. Not a glory hunter like Brian Bramble.

I picked up all the stones, but I just thought I'd treat you. Was it being stone Christmas? Something special. And I can't give you that today. I'm going to kick you before we get out of the way. Fair enough to do. That's beautifully kicked off.

And sucked off with kick tough and sucked off. Then we'll go on right onto the top of the can. Just to build up the middle. A little waltz out into the hassle-hustle end. Nothing exceptional. Not yet dark, so I can't show you the sparks. Here's the can bang. Nothing like supernaturally big.

No Moby Dick stone today. OK, got some nice ones off. This is the biggest I think. That is still barely medium sized. I'm not going to call that medium. I'm slightly disappointed about that, but that's my own vanity. Vannetartis, Vannetartum.

These two I'm going to put along the wall. A long fence. You can hear that sometimes. I already have had the clink. Clink every trim. What's that? I always have had a weird mushroom. Weird mushroom growing on my main can.

If I hadn't got a picture of the shoe that was in the picture, I wouldn't have walked through this. Every mushroom of the station could have been planted there by an enemy to kill me. Brian Bramble. The dice with all the stones back on. They're not the same person. I've got shitty fingers to say now.

There's usually not many stones, but if it doesn't plow, there's another caramel. That's almost the exact size of the caramel. A bit thicker. The colour of the caramel. It's coming off. Right into the ditch.

It's not wrecked yet. Imagine where the country would be. There's a lot of stones in that ditch. It's quite bad, isn't it? Imagine it was worse. No one thanks me. No one says thanks, Rich. I didn't do it for thanks.

I did it. I think it was the right thing to do. History shall judge me. A little judge. A little judge. A little judge. A little judge. A little judge.

Lovely, beautiful. We're talking about chocolate. That's a nice milk chocolate colour. Slightly caramelised. Slightly caramelised. It's sort of in an egg shape. It's much bigger than a Cambridge cream egg. It's much bigger than a Cambridge cream egg.

It's not as big as an Easter egg. It's the smallest Easter egg. It's bigger than a Kinder egg either. I knew I was going to say that. So we're coming down. We are coming down towards the ditch. I will look out for something. Really horrible conditions.

Really nasty. I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you out here. All kinds of weather. No stone stars here. They haven't been around so much, have they? I think Covid. I feel them off. I have to say sadly.

I miss them. My nemesis. My nemesis. There's loads here. I really need a ditch to stop Brexit. I'm going to stop Brexit even more than I've stopped it. Of course the ditch. They've got dominant cumbings to resign as well. It's had many powers.

But you can't ask it to do too much. The ditch. I think it's revenge. Well, nothing. Well, nothing. Still nothing. Nothing as big as that shoe. It was a big shoe actually.

Probably about size 12. Just the bottom part of it. Should have pulled it. I've seen if the stone failure of old came up with it. I've got three stones for the up and on. I'm going to get out of the fucking rain. Just to have a

think about my life and where it's going. Do you come see Rehalestapa? There's a few tickets left for some of the October gigs. No stones though. I have to pretend in that podcast of course that this is not my main... That's the cover for this life.

Right, what can I want my hands on? We can only get you covered in dirt. There's only nettles here. That wouldn't help. Well, here we go. We'll just wash our hands when we get in. Heading back down to its passage, past the compost heap.

Past the broken gate. Oh, that's probably broken. They can get into that. Bill Gates has been in touch. He's not in. Richard, I've heard about stone clearing.

I'm trying to give away my fortune to make up for knowing Jeffrey Epstein and stuff. Would you like 10 million pounds to get off stone clearing equipment and a nice house for yourself and Wolfie?

Let's make it 100 million. No, Bill Gates. No, you heard me. Can't buy me off. That's what you're used to, isn't it? You're used to just giving people money and they'll do what you say. Here. Not me. I will not bend over a table for you, Bill Gates. Stone clearing doesn't need any money apart from some budgets, that money.

That's fine. Hi there, Stuart. They're a little laughter about the last minute appearance by the stone starsy. Just letting me know they know. Let me know they haven't forgotten. Wolfie's a bit wet. So,

fucking Bill Gates, that's what I say. I don't want your bloody computer money. If you've made that money in stones, maybe I'll take it to get stones or if you showed any shred of human compassion for stones in your email

I've taken it and I can wipe on this plaster. That'll help a little bit. My hands are quite chocolatey coloured now. That's the honest dirt of the stone fairer. Come on, Wolfie. Badly broken, Gates.

It's not even as old as this podcast and you're still fucked up now. I'm going to wash my hands of dry. Keep laughing. I'm going to wash my hands. Oh, very nice trousers. Oh, no. I've got to lock myself out. I've got a witch's finger, a witch's dick in my pocket.

But where are my keys? Back pocket. That's in there with the phone. No, that's mine. Oh, come on, dude. There they are in there. I'm going to need the phone. I'm going to get my phone dirty. My phone's still working.

That's speaking for my family's sake. I'm not being able to get in on my own. There we go, we're in. Oh, you alright? Shall we dry off a little bit, sweetheart? Oh, not on my legs though, sweet. I'll just brush my washing hands.

Always wash your hands after you've been out in the field. You don't know what kind of diseases some of these stones have. The ones that have been mal-treated by internet billionaires mentioning their names. Oh, fuck.

Some of those stones not even 10 million years old and it's still preyed on by unsprupulous millionaires and billionaires and baby. Let's give Wolfie some food.

That's where we bring the podcast closed to see if there's any other emails. Brian Boll, hopefully no relation to Brian Bramble. One touch to say, I've got five pounds which I would like to donate

to the care of elderly stones and abused younger stones. Where can I send that? If you've got money you want to go to Stone Charities, please send it to me which is herring. Herring96 on the gmail.com and

I'll put it on an attachment for emails at work and I'll spend the whole amount of stones. Yeah, I'm a good guy. I didn't take the 100 million pounds but so give me five pounds, 10 pounds, 200 million pounds if it's going to, I think.

Do send that in. Okay. Enjoy your stone clearing. Remember I'm like the James Bond of stones. See you later. See you next time. Listen to the stone Listen to the stone and they in turn

I'll listen to you my friend my pined friend Stone clearing with Richard Herringstar to me. Richard Herring, I'm walking the dog and the two let's phone starsy ladies near the end. The music is by Mike Coffray.

The voice of the Photones is Michael Faheen. Listen to the stones my friend and they foul thing Mary does. Don't listen to the birth

and truth. Don't listen to your underhand Listen to the stones Listen to the stones and they

in turn I'll listen to you my friend my friend