Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 110

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

Chapter 110 - Leafy Tricksters - It's just before 6pm on 30th November 2021 and after back pain and bugs, Herring and Dog are back with their hilarious stone-based double act. Includes faffing with taking pictures, trying to open a dog poo bag in the dark and more high-jinx. How much weight of stonage has been removed in the three years this has been going on? Find out by listening to this very informative chapter and imagine how bad the other one he recorded must have been to not be broadcast. Bid on stone based and other cool items here https://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/herring1967/

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Good girl! Come on! Good girl! Well, there's a bit of traffic snarl up on the high street. But now we're on our way. It's 10 to 6 on the 30th of November 2021. This is Chapter 110. Trying out some new technology today. I lost my iPad Pro thing. So now I've got some over-the-ear things that hopefully I can't lose because they're much bigger.

And hopefully they'll stay on my head and not fall out my ears. And hopefully the sound quality is good though. With a bit of recording in the kitchen to test them didn't sound great to me. So we'll see how you feel about that. Sorry it's been a little while since we've been here. I did record a Chapter 110 before. But I just didn't feel it was good enough for broadcast. And when you consider that one of the episodes is a recording from inside my pocket.

You have to question how bad that chapter was. But we're in intermediate times now. I don't think we can get away with giving you duff information. Maybe one day the other Chapter 110 will be revealed. Maybe it will stay forever in my phone. Who knows? But anyway it's night time. It's dark out here. Leaves have fallen on the field. This is going to make life very difficult.

There's no one around so we're going to let Wolfie off the lead. She seemed keen to come for a walk. I literally can't see a single stone because of all the leaves. Oh no, what am I going to do? Nothing I've never thought of. Autumnfile here needs to give an offering to the stone gods. Actually I've got a couple of pretty bad cuts on my hands as well. This is a really bad time to come stone clearing.

Ah yes, how does that leaf or is it a stone? It's a stone. There'll be a lot of fun like that during today's podcast. There's a lot of leaves. There might not be so many leaves on other parts of the field. Sorry there's no ocean. I'm going to kick this one. It's not too cold today. Is that a leaf or a stone now? That's a stone. A bit of plastic there. I could take that off but it's not really my concern. A nice couple of small mediums.

A nice alabaster stone there just on the path. We'll throw that. Wolfie's excited about the stones. I've not been that well for a couple of weeks. Just colds and hurt my back. Which is that backs are a very important part of any stone clearing. I'm not saying you have to have a perfectly functioning back in order to stone clear. But it certainly helps.

I think any disability is still possible to stone clear to some extent. But if your back hurts, there's a lot of bending. There's a lot of picking up. Look at that. That's quite nice. That's one of those round stones that's been cut in half. There's crystals and stuff inside. It's been cut by the plough. Beautiful.

It's off the field now so that's all that matters. Caught in the light. I did a photo at some point here. We should do a photo now. There's just a little bit of light in the distance. Check if everything's still going. Is it still going? I hope so.

I wonder if that'll come out as anything. That's quite nice. Don't want the flash really there do I? That looks more beautiful than it is. What's happened to some stupid time thing? You missed quite a lot there I think. Just cut out. He's just trying to take photos.

So you missed me trying to take you from failing to take photos? Maybe I don't know. I don't know where to cut off. We've got a beautiful photo and hopefully it's worked. And we're off. I'm just going to kick another stone. But I feel a lot better now so basically I was not feeling too well. I had a bad cold. Wolfie hasn't been here all the time.

So it's been a bit difficult to come out. Had I even run the half marathon the last time I was here. I mean it was quite very fit around a half marathon. One hour 55 in one second. Around a 5k the week after. Just under 25 minutes very pleased with that. First time I've done a part running that time. I used to be able to run it a lot quicker than that.

Bit of wind coming across. See how the new headphones cope with that. And this may not be coming out so much. It's still better than whatever the last one was in my opinion. Maybe it wasn't about that last one. It's time to get out here. Record things. And then just lose heart.

Even though I'm a very good stone clearer. I'm not a perfect stone clearer. I hope we don't bump into it and it's pretty scary out here. I've got a big dog with me. Even at 6 o'clock. Especially with these noise cancelling headphones on. I'm mainly kicking at the moment. Just because bad fingers worried about the back.

But that's what I'm talking about. If one part of your body isn't working use another part of your body. Isn't that right Wolves? Use your dog. Get your dog to pick up the stones. The stones aren't too cold. We're going to get to the point soon again. We're definitely going for 3 years now.

On this podcast tonight I'm going to be recording. My 10 year anniversary snooker podcast. This podcast is a little baby by comparison. We've seen the season 7 fly, haven't we, through the years. As we've listened here. And actually racked up almost as many stone clearing podcasts as snooker podcasts. I'm not counting all of the stuff I did in lockdown. That didn't come out as a podcast.

Probably did about the same for each of these. Oh look at that, it's a nice dead. Small flat. Sort of shaped like a cello. Or a beautiful woman with her head and arms cut off and legs cut off. Like the front cover of the female eunuch. You know darkness. It may be poor Simon's friend.

But it's not the stone clear his friend. And you have to remember in the ancient of days. Some crews would have been scrabbling around in the dark. Maybe with a candle. Blowing, getting blown out. But I have a quite high powered torch. Which allows me to scan the field. Sometimes that can be good.

Sometimes it actually picks out more stones than you would see in the day. They glint. But not tonight for some reason. They've just found quite a nice, that's definitely a medium. That's the biggest of the day. A bit covered in mud, but I'll throw it off the mud. Or I'll get it wiped, wiped or washed off. If it's gone down into the trees.

I've barely even done any exercise. Even walking for two weeks. I'm already a bit out of breath. So quickly does it all fall away. I'm feeling a little bit better today. Still a little bit snotty. I was out doing a hell of a spell last night. So you know things are happening.

I've been falling victim to a lot of flat tyres. Suddenly, in this whole year. We began with me bursting a tyre in Wales. Just before I found out. I had testicular cancer. Which I think was sort of symbolics. What was about to happen to me. And my wife.

Took out the front tyre. The car, hitting a curb. Had to have that changed. Just this week the both back tyres have deflated. One got repaired. The other one has managed to get home by pumping it up. A bit of a flat again by the time I got home. So I don't know what's happened.

It feels like maybe a vent has to maybe be my friend. Who's been throwing the stones back onto the field. Decided to go a little further. But they haven't been flat when I've started off. You know that's the weird thing. But it might have been the gods testing me. Like Job. Just slightly annoying things.

Rather than massively tragic things. The stone gods just testing my faith. Saying there's a guy who's devoted to you. Let's see how devoted he is. Just slightly inconvenient things start happening in his life. Like when I got to the car park. Back from the car park last night. My ticket got chewed up by the machine.

It was late at night. I thought if I had them stuck in the car park then I was going to be here. Luckily there was someone there. But you know it added an unnecessary five minutes to my journey home. That's the sort of thing the gods are doing just to test me. With mild inconveniences that's slightly annoying. Here we are on the can across from the main can. The place has been slightly, I don't think deliberately.

But just a few of the stones have rolled down the bank. Come Wolves. Come on. So God knows what will happen out here on the foot. It's been a very lacklustre time for stone stars that he encounters. I really don't want one now because it's pretty spooky and it might be a ghost. But just no one's been around. I don't know if all the dogs in my town, my village have died.

And so they don't want to walk anymore. Or whether people are walking elsewhere. I don't know what's happening. Oh we're getting some wind now. This will really put the airport pod smacks to the test. Do let me know what you think of the sound quality. It's very important to me that you can hear every single word in this. Things like I'm going to throw one from distance.

Wolves is going to try and chase it. Because she probably will pick it up. It's gone nowhere near the can or the path. You've got to, when you get halfway across the field as I am now, you've got to just try and roll a bit closer. Play the waiting game, often trying to throw it a long way. You lose direction. Even it takes four or five times to get this middle stone to the edges.

Let it take four or five throws. Don't try and do it in one. That's what I just did. It went right into the field. I'll never see that one again. Boah! The billiest from a jack-o-tater. Had for lunch with the kids.

Come on Wolves. Wolves. Had lunch with them too. No good, I imagine. This is traditionally the second part of the field where many treasures have been found. Huge stones. Stones as big as a baby's head. With part of their shoulders in probably as well.

So let's see if we get lucky again today. With that, not that the big ones are better than the little ones. No one's saying that. So it'll be a good shorter show today. It's not a show, it's an instructional piece. By the way, I'm eBaying a few items. Including the stonecler of badge number two. Zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero two.

That'll be going live probably before this podcast on the evening of the 30th of November. If you fancy getting your hands on the second, I've got the first one. No one's going to have to die or be robbed to the nice little stones here actually. To get rid of that one. Because I've got a torch, it's hard to carry too many. Nothing huge. What's that? It's their light.

Just as I said, the glinting torch. It's not, it's two stones next to each other. Like a mammoth one, but it's two actual, quite small mediums. Not medium smalls. It's bigger than that. So I've got them in one hand. It's torch balanced. On the knife.

Yeah, so I'm number one. But if you want to be number two, and you have to hold car, hold car. I can't believe I need that. You have the cash. Who knows what it'll go for. Could be a thousand pounds. Could be £2.50. We'll see.

Torch pointing up to the sky. Really no good in terms of that now. I've sort of hunched over. I've just got to be a little bit careful about it today. Kids playing football in their distance. And here we are at the main can. Looking pretty good. All of these just in my way.

I'm going to put these fairly central. And now I've been lifting it up a bit. There's about five stones there. They were all very much in the medium small bracket. Well, they're not going to do stone pole today. We're just heading back. It's a quick one. It's time for the dog to go poo,

which he doesn't seem to be interested in doing unless I missed it. Here you come in. It's time for a ditch to stop Brexit. See, just Rice Johnson being undermined. Slowly, slowly by the ditch. It takes its time as you should take your time. There's no rush with the stone clear. The only schedule in deadline is your own death.

I've beaten death this year. I will be immortal in result. And I will be walking this field. Even if my physical body does decay and die. I bet your bottom dollar I'll be out here for all eternity. Here we go. Here's the long awaited poached egg right on the path, like an absolute cunt.

Didn't usually do that, do you, Wolfs? What's the story there? Oh, it's okay. I thought it was going to be a bit diarrhea-y, but it's okay. I've got to just find a bag now. This coat usually has a witch's finger. It usually has a lot of bags in it. We found the bags.

Look at them. Like a string of softies. I've got the wrong end. I've got the right middle. Let's deal with this. Slightly sticky looking. Not too solid, but not diarrhea. I'm going to put the torch down on the ground.

I hope you're getting all this. This is gold. This is nothing like the bad one. It's hard in the dark to tell which way is the right way up. I think I've got it. I can tell from the steam that the poo is. Let's just see if we can get it all. Yeah, we've got it.

We've got it. Bang. That's beauty. Beautiful catch. Organic material, of course. No real interest to me, but it has a responsible dog in it. I do like to take my poos off the field. And my dog poo's as well.

Right, we're cracking on. So we've had some taking a photo. We've had dealing with a dog poo. Oh, what's that? What's that I see before me, Wolfie? I'm not sure it is. I think that's a beat. I actually think that is a beat.

Unbelievable. From over a year ago. Very dry, rotten beat. I thought it was a big stone. And even now those beats can surprise you and get you. And that is the ultimate trick of the Stocean. The things that can get washed up on this shore. It can be a thousand years old.

Maybe it's some bejeweled crown. I've found out here to throw it off coins. Stones from the Big Bang, like this one. That was in the Big Bang. That's going in the Brexit ditch. And we're back to a very leafy part of the Stocean now. My job has become very difficult once again. Three years.

Three years of my life out here. And I think of all the wasted years I wasn't doing this. That's what makes me sad. And that's definitely... I'm not sure the first one went in the ditch, but that one did so. Another nail in Boris Johnson's coffin. He won't be there. In 20 or 30 years time, he won't be there.

And you'll go, wow. The ditch did its work. The ditch did its job. That he has eyes. See? There's a nice stone there. That's a good medium, especially for the... Oh, a couple of them actually together.

This part of the Stocean, that's very good. Oh, that's the beast of the day. Not big, still still medium. Small, probably large. Minus or large. It's still a nice chunk of stone. I wonder how many tons of stone I've taken off this field. You know, in those three years, probably a...

Probably, you know... A couple of hundred grams, at least. So I can't even see the alphanomic again. It's... I suppose it gone, Wolfs. It's undergrowth here, and I'm not even sure where it is. I should know just by instinct. Let's throw it there.

Yeah, that instinct got it. There, you hear the clink. The clink, clunk, clunk, clink every trimp. That's what they say on the stone clearers. You can see how they stole that. Turned into money-making thing for himself. Probably the worst than he did. Clunk, clink, every trink.

Got his trink, meant trip in those days. All right, here we are. Go down, duck your passage. I'm not convinced this is recorded. That would be the greatest joke of all. Got time for some emails. That was quite a good email in the last version of 110. I can't remember what it was now.

Not gonna find it amongst the hundreds and thousands of emails. They're coming every minute, really, about stone clearers. Here, this is one from Vine Tim Vine. Tim Vine. He adds one of those emails where his surname comes first. Hello Richesney, Tim Vine, the comedian. I hope you're very well. I'm known for my puns, but stone clearing is no joking matter.

I won't do any puns today. My brother is Jeremy Vine. Might be just been doing a phone in about stone clearing. I could ask him if he'd like to. I'm not interested, Tim. I'm not in it for the publicity. How many tons of stones do you think you cleared in the three years and a bit you've been doing this?

Good question, Tim. I did. Bad timing, wouldn't it? I'll tell you that. Just answered that. 200 grams, I think. 200 grams of hot solid stone off. At least.

That's it, I would say. At the very least. So thanks for the email, Tim Vine. Let's see if there's any other emails coming in. And their traffic on the high streets cleared up now if you're worried about it. That's been bugging you through the chapter. Hi, this is from looking for the name and this email.

It should be just at the top. That's what it usually is. The carriage lights on the top. Look at that. This is from Brian Hedge. Brian Hedge saying, he had an idea of something to say. Oh, yeah. Sorry, I haven't forgotten.

I just couldn't read the email. I'm slightly disappointed with the quality of the chapters because they went intermediate. I think they would be different than the first 100. But to me, they seem pretty much the same. Well, Brian, that's because you are probably not good enough to understand the subtleties of being an intermediate. And there's no need to be so rude.

I'm out here providing a largely free service for you. The plaster's coming off. All plaster's just come off. So, you know, have some respect. What's the key to that? Don't email it. Don't listen anymore. This isn't for you, Brian.

You're going to be snarky. You'll sling your hook. I'm only doing this for people who think I'm brilliant and appreciate how great I am. And get it, okay? These last 10 have been noticeably different than it was. What's that there? It's just a leaf.

It's another leaf. It's in the house, and it's tricked me. I thought it was a bit of cat poo or dog poo, or something. Well done, Wolfsy. Well, the leaves have had their fun. Wolfsy, stay in here. Come back in here. There you go.

But it was time for me to depart. I hope you enjoyed chapter 1110. Believe me, this was a million times better than the other 1110. Sorry, 1110. We're not yet up to 1110. But we will be soon. I love you all. Hope it's work.

This has been a tester, really. Goodbye. Liffon to the stone Liffon to the stone And they, in turn, are Liffon to ye My friend, my pined friend Stone clearing with Richard Herringstad, me, Richard Herringand, Wolfsy the dog, and drivers, and basically nobody else.

The music is by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of Duffertones is Michael Faheen. Liffon to the stone My friend, and they, foul thing, Ye a merry does Don't Liffon to the birth and truth Don't Liffon to your underhand Liffon to the stone

Liffon to the stone And they, in turn, foul Liffon To ye, my friend, my pined friend