Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 113

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

Chapter 113 Ftone Fhelf. Richard is confused about the date but it's 26th January 2022 at 5.15pm - it's getting dark, Richard's had Covid and the Stone Stasi are waiting at the first corner, but nothing can stop stone clearing except our inevitable and imminent deaths. Richard is back with more intermediate tips and explains how to turn yourself into a shelf as well as advising you as to where you can put your chocolate fingers. The main cairn is looking nice, but the stone pole is hidden behind massive new plants, so how will that go. Some emails and a trip into Richard's living room are just some of the delights that await you. Why are you still listening? Because you are the best. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring The Stone Clearing Come here! No, no, no, no! Come here, you monkey face! Come here! Will be, come here! When will you just learn to come here?

We'll have to do this, don't we? Come here! Come here! Alright, here we go! Bevel! Don't run into traffic, will be! Will be! Alright, there's a lot of traffic!

Gotta watch out for it, my sweet heart! Go, go, go, go! God, what's wrong with you? Why are you so excited? Okay, can still go in. I'm worried about... ...losing this, but I think we're okay. Woovee!

Come here! You crazy dude! Welcome, hello my fan friends! Alright, it's... I don't know... What date the date is? 27th of January? I think I've gotta watch on, but I don't want to mess it around.

It's... 15 minutes past 5pm. And... This is chapter... 113, I believe. Just heading up... Duckett's passage of Stone Clearing which turned into immediate.

If you are a newcomer, please go back to the start. You're just warming nothing to you. The... Sun is down, but there's a little natural light. It's a very cloudy day. Woovee!

Really tugging on the leader. What's going on, you little monster? What's up, where you so keen? Have you just missed having walks with me? Woovee has been away. Sorry, it's been a while. Since I've done one. These are almost a month.

Maybe a month if it's the 27th, actually. And... In that time, I was hit by Covid. And government regulations say no Stone Clearing. If you have... Oh, there you have Covid. Woovee, stay here, stay here. Stay here.

Good girl, come here. Come here. Can I say hello? Woovee! We'll go this way. Hi there. Come on, darling. Come on.

Come on, sweetheart. Stone's down as you were right at the start of the field today. We're going off the field, so it's okay. Which... Does mean... We... We didn't get to give a stone to the Alfa and Omega Cairns, so that could be disastrous.

Did it work? Hello, hello, hello. Very paranoid about losing transmission. My watch seems to be saying one thing then another. Now playing. Doesn't matter, does it? If we lose it, what's the big deal? Haven't cleared a stone yet.

I do have a slightly dodged thumb, but I'm using my right hand to clear stones today. We'll go back and do the Alfa and Omega Cairns in a sec. If you miss your Alfa and Omega Cairns, there are no rules to stone clearing. That's rule one of stone clearing rule two, is you must give an offering to your Alfa and Omega Cairns on entry and leaving the field.

Subclause unless the stone stars are right on your heels, which of course, you have to then pretend you're just a regular dog walker with a dog that seemed to want to attack their dog, kept her on the lead, so she's fine. So that's what happened there. So what will I will do? I mean, I could go back in a host,

10, 20 meters away now. So I'll just put two stones on the way out and hope the Alfa and Omega Cairns or the Alfa gods, it will be the Omega gods, we'll be happy either way. So it's the first stone clear of 2022 for you. Obviously I've been out here. I wouldn't break the rules.

I'm not Boris Johnson. I haven't been out here when I had COVID. If you gave COVID to one of these stones on the field that could actually just, it would brush through like a fire and there has been a fire right where I am now before. So I know what I'm talking about and destroy all the stones. And I don't want to destroy the stones.

I just want to clear the stone. If someone came to me and said, Richard, we've got a new device. You can just evaporate every stone on this field that we clear pure soil. I would say, no, thank you, Mr. Scientist. A, why have you invented that? And B, no, you don't understand what snow clearing is.

You wasted your time. I hope you didn't just invent that for me. Because that's not what I want. What I want is it all seems to be working. Just keep checking if it's working. What I want is to clear those stones by hand as we go now. I'm a mortal man. I've survived death.

I've survived cancer. I've survived COVID. I'm strong. But even I'm starting to wonder, because I realize how old I am now. I was a young man when I started this game in my early 50s. Now, this year, I will be, if God, the gods be willing in the heaven above,

I will reach 55. That's pretty old. And even if I live another 20 years, which I'm doubtful about, will I be in a fit position to clear stones? I've only cleared about four stones so far on this walk. There's a lot to go. There's more than four stones.

I've just passed in there last second. I still haven't picked them up. Because I'm being philosophical, I'm trying to make sure the podcast is working. It's very important. I hope you can hear me clearly. But yeah, when I have fears that I may cease to be before my hand has cleared every stone on this field.

Here's a couple coming off now. Should make you a little happier. I am aware, increasingly aware of my mortality. And I suppose that's part of the reason I began this quest so that my life would have a meaning. I'd leave something worth behind me. The idea that I might leave life with my ambitions unfulfilled. Fills me with dread, though, of course.

That is the way of all humanity, really, when it comes down to it. We will all leave here wanting to achieve something. Maybe having achieved something, but not everything. Even our own achievements. When viewed through the lens of history, or even just the lens of someone looking at it the next day, they might seem pathetic, pointless. All the things we had put our whole life into.

Just dust in the wind. And that's why I go for stones, because the wind can blow on these things, and it's going to have to be a pretty strong wind to pick up stones and move them around. So I think I'm safe. I'm thinking more of you guys at this point when I'm saying all this. I'm just writing a book.

I've just been writing it as I, before I came out. My cover job, my beard job. That's last year. It might be a lot of stuff about death coming up for a little while. As I finally processed the stuff I went through. Maybe at the time, I allowed some of those emotions to be buried in order to protect myself. I sort of joked my way through it, didn't I?

And it was a good thing to do. But now looking back a bit. Yeah, one has to wonder, one has to wonder. Makes me wonder, makes me proud to play for England and hear the crowd. A few stones have been cleared during this morning bit. It's a chilly wind blowing across the Stocean today. Maybe you can hear it in my headphones.

Let's just check if it's still working. I think that same land is not paused. I suppose it's playing. It seems to be working. It seems to be working. I turned the Siri off. I just want to have confidence in my recording equipment. Is that too much to us?

Just seeing the stone is dark, by the way. So the flashlight I'm holding is picking up stones in the dullness. Or there's a good one. Sometimes it's better to do this in the dark. Sometimes... Oh, that's a nice one. Look at that wall. If that was half of it, it looks like it's a sort of big cricket ball size.

But then half of it's been bitten off by a furious log dog at some point. Oh, there's loads of stones here. They're doing great. The good thing about playing at night is usually even the stone stars, they would have to have a torch. Although the stone stars, until they're right in the start, no torch had a white dog. It came from Wolfie.

Looks like he wanted to play Wolfie. Recognising the enemy. Trying to cripple them by any means necessary. Went for the dog. But I think I just looked like a regular dog walker at a stage because I wasn't even clearing stones. So they came to me too early. We're now at the can across from the main can.

We're just doing a short, shortish stone clearing today. Might not even get as far as the stone pole. We're on the can across from the main can. A ten rubbish screer stones that keeps getting announced. It's just kind of been kicked by people. So a lot of these stones have rolled down the bank. Kicking a few of them. That was a nice big one there.

But that's off this pier already. It's okay. It's forming part of the wall. And we're crossing to the gold fields. And then the Klondike stone fields. This is the point where you can really find something significant if you can come and bother to look. However much I come across here,

it never seems to exhaust the supply of nice, reasonable sized stones. I'm looking forward to that. A rain drop hits me. I'm reminded of the time I wasn't recording what I was across the stone clearing where a thunderstorm was going on. And just as I was walking across here, I could see lightning smashing against the ground. Coming towards me in a straight line.

Some cold rain poured into my face. And I thought I'm going to die not even recording a podcast. What a waste. What a waste of my life. Luckily, my life has not been wasted. Because here we are. No one's tried to top up exactly how many stones have come off this field. The time I've been here, it's got to be over 100.

And how many years? I don't know, four, three, four? Some statistician historian, Stone historian could probably work that out how long it's been. There were some records. Not bothered to pick anything up at the moment. That's just a little intermediate technique. A lot of passing some good stones and a lot of inexperienced stone clearers.

No, pick those up. There's no point. I know there's a lot of good stones coming up much nearer to the edge of the station. And all these stones are crying out, but please pick me up. No, your time will come. I'm getting nearly close enough now. I'm going to start gathering stones now.

Then we can carry them. And then you won't exhaust yourself. You'll be able to carry more stones later. But also, what's the point? Why pick up the ones that are far away? You'll have to do it at some point if you're close. Maybe you should do that when you're young. I mean, there's different theories about which stones should be picked up.

What I'm saying is, wait till you're a bit near the edge. When there's a lot of stones, there aren't many stones, obviously, pick up the stones you see. But there's loads here. Now look, they're all small, small mediums, these, but together, I've got them in the crook of my arm, in the crook of my torch arm, rather than a useful little stone shelf.

I've probably got six there already. Here comes a couple more. Just sort of tennis ball size, though, not a shape. Oh, I've just dropped a couple. They fell out the bottom of the stone shelf. I don't know if those will... If you drop one, you've got to pick them up. I don't know which one fell out,

so I've got to pick up a few now. Now I'm quite overlaid with stones on my torches. I've just dropped an R, I've just dropped two more. I think that was it. Oh, I don't know if it's going to fall off. I can't see. Right, well, that's one of the reasons why picking up stones too early would be ridiculous.

It's still too early. I've still got, I'd say, 20 metres to get to the main ten. And, you know, they've put nice stones there. Can't pick them up. So you're learning stuff here. I hope you're learning from my mistakes, from my enthusiasm, as I would say. I've done barking in distance.

And now the wall is looking great here. Maybe I should take a photo of that for you in the dark. Oh, shit. They dropped one, but caught it. It's really good. Oh, shit. It's really going around the corner here.

I'm going to add to that to make the wall bigger. And maybe if something's pulled things back, it's looking, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, everyone who says how many stones you've played, not that many, can have a look at this because there's loads. Let's see if I can get a photo.

Chance to check that you've got the recording still seems to be going. It's still going. It's still going even now. Yeah. I think we're golden. I think turning Siri off is the key. Don't want to jinx it.

Some lovely big stones right on the top there. It goes right down both corners. I don't think the photo will do it justice in the night. We're going to get to the phone pop. I'm so excited about what's happened. Oh, it's nice to be out. This is my first time out in the open air. Today I've been in working all day.

So even though it's a bit blustery, it's kind of nice to be out here. Moving about, getting very unfit. A mixture of Christmas, COVID, writing. It's slightly moved me back onto the chocolate biscuit territory. And there's people who followed me for a long time. I know that is a dangerous place. I'm trying to go.

That's my heroin, a few chocolate fingers. And I'm anyone's. If you turn up at my house with a chocolate finger, you can finger me with those chocolate things in the mouth. Because you could bring some non chocolate, just some fingers without the chocolate. I'm sticking in my anus and they would, they would become chocolate fingers.

But I don't want to do that. And the only says I do is lying. If you do not do that, this would be considered rude. Picking up a bit of our snow or a stone pole. I didn't think we were going to make it, but we are. And I've got five nice stones there just from one area. Still a little way from the stone pole, probably too soon. And it's a nighttime stone pole.

The most difficult stone pole of all. Please take that into account in your betting. If you're about to bet on this. Also, remember if you want the good luck to be exacerbated or the bad luck to be exacerbated or the bad luck to be extinguished, please do donate to me in some way by buying something of mine. Becoming a badger. Subscribing on Twitch, you know the kind of deal.

Right, the stone pole. It's so long since they've come here. Someone's actually, some plants have grown in front of the stone pole. Maybe we can get a photo of that. And Wolfie's right here. Oh, it's a miss. I should do the darts. Oh, it's two misses.

I think that was a miss. It's hard to see. That was a miss. Zero out of four. Zero out of five. That is quite a serious loss there. My stone's off the field, so it's not all bad news, but that's definitely the worst, the equal worst I've ever done out here.

I think I've got my torch on, haven't I? Let's see if I can see that. Do you want to stand in there, Wolfie? Do you want to get in the picture? You can see there's things in the way of the stone pole. Yeah, that's a better picture. You might have to wait to see the main camera another time. Oh, so we're heading home.

It's just a little brief one just to get us back into the flow of things. Remember how this works? It can't be the 27th. It's the 31st on Mondays, Wednesday today, 30th on Sunday, 29th on Saturday, 28th on Friday. It's the 26th. It's not even been a month. Why are you complaining?

The amount of people I've had on Twitter saying, where's the stone clearing? Emails, probably 10,000 messages. You might just have seen one on Twitter if you're following, but I promise you, you've probably just been blocked by other people for being annoying. So it's here now. I hope you're enjoying it. This is what you've been waiting for.

And here it is. I'm doing it now. And you're listening to it. And hopefully it's making you question whether it's right to judge me for wasting my time doing this. And you're listening to me talking about it. Who is the real person who's not achieving anything? It's you. That's the real person.

I can't say anything. This is going on the central Ken. It's going on the central Ken. It's a big mistake to remain Ken. The Ken Kirchival. They're eerily quiet out here. Apart from dogs in the distance or kids, they're playing on the wreck. There we go.

Look at that big pile of stones. Your daddy did that. You need cover. He goes all the way around here. Teeth are about here. That's a bit there. Not much. You know, it's impressive.

Most of the stone stars, he definitely fewer than around. I think COVID may have taken they were quite elderly. Most of the stone stars is I think COVID may have thinned the field out a little bit for me, which is good news for me. Again, assuming I survive. What do we think? Another five years. We should be done. I don't know because it's been going for four years.

And really, you can't see any difference from how things were before unless you really look. So maybe five years is optimistic. But maybe if I up my game a little bit. Yeah, pressing finger of death does make you realize. You know, pull your finger out, pull your chocolate finger out. And get on with stuff. Is that a wee old poo, whoops? I thought it was a poo, but they think it was just a wee wasn't it?

I don't know. I think I can bury that one. Good. That's in a nice, buried place. Good. I had a bag already, but it's on the loose earth off the path. Nicely goes under the leaves and the soil, buried forever. As nature intends.

Coming up to the ditch that stopped Brexit, the ditch that got Dominic Cummings sacked. And the ditch that Boris Johnson lay in. But will it be the ditch that can end Boris Johnson's prime ministerial career? I'm afraid nothing can stop his career unless he's put in prison. Even then. No one could stop him becoming Boris Johnson, Lord Boris Johnson. Apart from the ditch. And the ditch has done its dirty work.

I wouldn't be surprised if by the time you hear this, Boris Johnson is in prison. So coming up to the Alfa and Omicron, and I may be getting some alpha. And I think I've tried to do something about the Omicron. Been the little version of Omicron. Two times and been stopped by technology. I'm reluctant to do it again. And I can't quite remember what I even said. Because that will make the recording go wrong again.

So I've got three stones. Two of them are for the Alpha Gods. One of them is for the Omicron Gods. And hopefully the Gods will understand that. They can share one of them if that makes them jealous of each other. So it's going nicely. Oh yeah, look, the Alfa and Omicron cans are nicely visible. Weirdly, it hasn't been so far.

There's always been adding to my cans. Oh, shit. No, it's still going. I don't understand what's going on. Let's check the computers. I mean, you know, you don't want this. You don't want this to be part of the podcast. Me checking whether the recording is working.

Everything's connected, so we're working. We'll see when we get to listen to it. Don't know if some little elves have been on my field. I hope not. This is mine. You leave it and find your own field. We're heading back down Duckett's Passage now. Time for your emails.

It's a dark tree. Dark passage here. Dark tree. Oh, dark. The dark thing. A dark tree. Haven't heard that name before. Dark tree.

Dark passage. When I've got a traffic finger up there, it's a dark passage and it will be happy new year. It's a bit late for that. It's nearly the end of January. I was written at the beginning. Do you have any new year's resolutions? It's a good question.

Dark tree. Dark passage. I wouldn't say I do because there are no rules to stone crane. That's the first one. Second law. You must obey all the rules. So clearing and all the pre-section, all that stuff and do all the things it meant to do.

So, you know, the resolution is already there and resolved to clear all the stone. And resolved to follow the rules. And, you know, there's no point in making a new resolution about that. It's all there. You know,

my resolution would be to carry on being exactly the same as I've been already. What's the point in that? Nothing. No point. So no, dark tree. Stupid question.

Move on. Never question. Move on. Um, um, um, um, um,

um, um, um, and we're heading towards the house and I don't know if my family are back yet, another trim car, coming down there. Another service stake of course.

What's going on? A little sleepy village. See if there's any more. any more emails. um, Allen car, Alan Carr, he says I'm not that Alan Carr, I'm the Alan Carr from the Stop Smoking books,

not the Canadian Alan Carr, just in case you thought I was the Canadian Alan Carr. Have you ever thought about stopping doing stone clearing and if so, would you like me to send you a book about how you can stop habit stone clearing and get on with other stuff? That's a well, very if I didn't wonder read that out if I'd known it was that pencil in the Alan Carr. If not, that one has got in touch. I'm not even sure that's the name of the bloke he does, the Stop Smoking books now, but someone pretending to be him, not necessarily knowing his name, pathetic, or it might be the real him if it is his name, which I think it is. No, I don't want to stop now, I will never stop stone clearing as long as there is breath in

my body. If I'm on an oxygen machine, one of those things, I will, I don't know if I'm that afraid, I don't know why I did this walk so soon, I just remember that phrase. We're absolutely safe, we can carry on talking forever. No, I don't want to stop stone clearing as the short one, I want it better, I think I would like a tape or a book that helps me do more stone clearing, not that that's possible, because I do stone clearing 24 hours a day unless I've got covid or a book dead life. Importantly, I have to do stuff for my family. So, good girl, just wash my hands. Always wash your hands, there are no rules to stone clearing, and it is one of the rules to wash your hands, I think it just makes sense. There's a lot of disease

out there, I'm not saying amongst the stones, but amongst the soil, the soil is the stuff you can't trust. You alright, Wolves? Some of your treats fell out, didn't they? I'll give you a bit of food. Oh, I didn't ring the vets today, Wolfie. Oh, never mind, it's a never-ending cavalcade of problems, isn't it? Moe stones, no problems, that's what I say. There you go, well, good girl, you're going to be good at that, they weren't very attacking that dog. Well, I think that's probably it. I'll go back and try and write some more on my book, and I realise I've got another half an hour before my family back. Hope it's all come out alright for you, let me know if the sound was bad or good, or if you're listening, because you know, I could just

stop. Take care, I'm in the living room now, you never get to see it in here usually. Take care, see you soon, bye. Enjoy your stone clearing. Stone clearing with Richard Herring, starred me, Richard Herring, and Wolfie the dog, and those two stone tharzy and their dog, but nobody else in cars going by. Thanks to the people who emailed in, Alan Carr was one of them, Dark Tree, Dark Passage was the other one. The music's by Mike Ofgrave, the voice of the Levitones is Michael Faheen. Listen to the throats, and they in turn file, listen to ye, my friend, my fine friend.