Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 116

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Chapter One One Fix - Felfridgef. It's 7.45am on 3rd March 2022 and it's time for a nice quiet stone clear. Why don't we just enjoy the views and have less of the yapping? Some stones are cleared, the main cairn is coming along lovely, look and Rich lets you know what he'd do if he was CEO of various companies.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Why don't you ever just come here? You've got to get this done, haven't you? There we go careful careful gently Well hello, my finest friends, welcome to Stone Clearing, with a sharing chapter 1, 1, 5th, it's the 3rd of March, 7.45am. Just heading into Duckett's Passage with the people whose fence

blew down and had the whole fence taken down, they're getting it all replaced. No one little bit can see into that garden for the first time. I've got quite a nice little garden going on there, big trampoline, rhubarb. Pretty jealous of that nice garden, Morphy's doing a wee. It's all happening, there's snow drops in that garden, all happening. So welcome to 1, 1, 6th, I did try to record another beacrit chapter for Badgers this week, but the recording went wrong and missed nearly every day I said so. That'll come back another time, but for now we have this, this is enough for most of you right,

you don't need an extra one. Well actually there's someone doing the fence of this one as well, so two, this is a different house and they've got a wild-edge fencing company working on this garden, look at the size of their garden. Trees, massive lawn. Oh, one day rich, one day. Tennis court they've got, it's all happening. Right here we are on the station, the crop is just, it looks like grass, it probably isn't grass, you never know though. It's moving the tangle of heads, fur that's got caught on the lead, out for an ombug again, let's give them a couple of little tiddles to get us going.

I hope the recording couldn't go wrong for this, I think you just keep checking, you know, you see me, I keep checking it and then when you put it back in, sometimes that's when it goes wrong. So I've got to be very careful, a little, looks like a bird egg but it's a stone, it's actually half an egg shape, kicked it off. Here we go. Well first stone clear of march, at least for you to listen to. And very peaceful out here, the planes are flying over. Again, I think I do feel the stone stars, he may have been decimated, or more than decimated by COVID, he would just not as many dog walkers around, as there were in the before times. A couple of tiny little bits there while I was talking to you.

Wolfie's doing another wee, he's gonna start looking like a wee if you keep doing all that wee, wolves. I haven't got much to say to you really, I've covered most of the bases with first stone clear. Oh look, another piece of fence down here, it's all been happening, the storm, it's taking its toll, so you're right into that garden, they've got a slopey garden, it's nice though, they've done it into different levels. Got a little greenhouse at the back, Wolfie's trying to find a place to poo. And I'm just clearing a couple of stones my friend, that's all, oh this was, they cut that, I had a tree that I was using, it was a tree I was using as a base of stones

and it's bloody gone, I know there it is, it's just in a different place. Just because they've worn a bit of fence have gone, it looked like it. I've gone crazy, don't worry about me. It's early in the morning. Let's just enjoy the serenity, don't need me bladder and on, just enjoy the scenery. Doing a nice little kick there, weirdly I'm wearing two boots, one two boots from different pairs, they look almost identical, but one of them's been outside for a long time,

it's very cold, but the other one, that belonged to a pair where one of the halves got a hole in and then I thought I'd hang on to the other one just in case you never know, put it outside on one of those upside down things and then there's a hole in the other boot of the new pair, which means I've got a new pair from the two remaining old, it's like Trigger's broom, isn't it? So I'm feeling pretty good about myself today, unless I've made a mistake and that's then you put on both of the pair with the holes in them, something that might be the kind of thing I've done. I think I've got it right, so far no leakage anyway, so I haven't been through any puddles.

So I'm feeling pretty good about myself, saved myself maybe 10 pounds there, buying a new pair of wellies, now when you live in the country you start to learn these tricks. Boots are very important of course for a stunker, I would suggest buying better boots than I've got that don't get holes in them all the time, these are Dunlops, Dunflops I call them, Dunflops I call them, Dun, a bad job I call them, so don't get your Dunlops get, I don't know if North Face do a boot, but if they do you can be sure that would be the, you've got to be kidding me, oh it is going, I find it a bit weird. You can be sure if North Face did do a boot, it would be the acceptable face of boots.

Boots should do a boot shouldn't they, that's why if I was Ian Boots I'd go get your medicine from Boots, but also get your boots, also if I was head of Selfridges I'd mainly Selfridges, just use the name, use the name. If I was head of Debenhams, I don't know, horses on the poo, well done, that's a big one, it's off the beaten track we're fine, if I was head of Debenhams I would sell Debs, people called Deb and the people trafficking and hams, Debenhams, that's what I would sell, if I was head of Tesco, I would sell people called Tes in human trafficking and code the lettuce costs, lettuce Tescos, I was head of Sainsbury's, I would sell

berries that have been certified mentally healthy by a professional, you could be sure when you're eating them that they have no mental issues, that's better or worse, you might want to prefer to eat berries that were mad, just you know, not saying you should euthanize mad berries, but you know, eating healthy berries, you know that's what you want, they make healthy, and if they're saying they've been certified sane, I've got to talk, if I was head of weight rows, I would sell weights and roses, that's all I'd sell, you've got a valuable piece of advertising there, I was head of Aldi, I'd say I'd be people trafficking and only people trafficking called Al and I, people called Aldi who had died, well yeah, a bit of a witch's finger,

they're not quite a witch's finger, but it's gone into the holly bush, that's why I quite like had it stuck, it didn't fall through, it's stuck in the branches, that way they're for a thousand years, I'm really unfit, I don't know what's happened to me, how's this happened, a couple of weeks of working, writing, not doing so much exercise, I found a nice coffee coloured, looks like a big cookie, one of the big cookies you get, that cost about £3, it's a very thick one of those, chocolate, double choc, choc, chip, if I was head of Woolworth, Wool and Worths, I'd sell Wool, definitely, and I'd say Worth as originals, so the Woolworths,

it'll be shortened to, I'd call it Woolworth as originals, but people would shorten that to Woolworths and it'd be a very popular store, you know, maybe the people of Woolworths should have got in touch with me before they blew it, they were just selling Wool and Worths originals, you would know where to go, you'd go oh I need some Worth as originals, they've definitely got them there, all stone stars, they vary in the distance, I'm not going around the long way today, it might be another short stone clear, I'm becoming an old man and there's only so far I can go, yeah I ran a half marathon a few months ago, but that was then, this is now, right let's get you back under the rules I think just in case, I need more stone stars,

he'd jump out, she hates the stone stars, he can't afford to have a killer, another one, if I was head of Halfords, I would sell fords, the car fords, I'm a people traffic people called Half, I mean it's kind of nice to, you know, if you're going to be a people trafficker, it's not a good thing, but if you make it hard of yourself by only people trafficking, people of one name, certainly Hal, and I suppose you'd include anyone called Harry for that one, if I was the head of, can't think of any other shops, I'm going to give another shop, can't think of any, if I was head of W H Smiths, that's a good one, I would sell only, I would sell like the letters you can put on the doors and the bins and stuff,

but only W and H, and Smith Square Crisps, it would be called W H Smith Square Crisps, but people would surely have W H Smiths sold out to only sell anything, not just the things put on doors, but any letter W or H in any kind of set that sells letters, none of the other letters, and Smith Square Crisps, you would know what you're getting, I need a W for my door, I'll go to W H Smiths, and then I'll get the other letters I need from another shop, at least I know they have the W's in, you'd always have the W's in, another stone starsy in the distance, they're coming back, take the first shoot to spring, actually two of them, one of them might be the one I saw before, but he's moved quicker if it was,

doesn't seem to have a dog the second one, he's always suspicious, just checking not missing any of this gold, I still record it, it's good, you know I don't miss all this gold, if I worked for Clinton's cards, I'd sell cards, so they've done quite well to have that in their name, and I would sell people traffic, people called Clint, and sell tons, like big ton weights, but you know people would be using cartoons, or just you know on a very big scale, picked up a nice medium small, maybe small large actually, as we cross the field, oh he does have a dog, that other guy sorry, I misspoke, there's two little dogs, a black one

and a white one, quite small, but I think they're far enough away not to give us any trouble with the pens, which way they turn when they get to the end of that, they're on the diagonal path, that they've taken the full diagonal, haven't been across to the can in the centre of the field for a while, must do a longer stone clear soon, I'm going to have a bit more time, got to take the kids to school today, picking up another, I mean that was definitely a small medium, but getting close to the main can now, so it'd be nice to pick up a few chunkier bits and pieces, a bit of wood there, that's no, if it's organic and I need to panic, if it's not chuck the twat, I don't think you need to be reminded of that, oh is that one,

two, I don't know if that was one stone, that would be nice, it's two small mediums, but together they make a small large probably, maybe a medium, oh drop one of them, really near some poo, but I luckily missed the poo, I always clear up after you dog, disgusting animals, now I've seen a bush like I mine ones, just don't say I'm a hypocrite because I didn't pick up Wolfie's poo, I was in the bush, no one's going to walk in there, oh I've seen a nice, I've got the five, paid out of five, but I've seen another nice stone, just see if there's anyone coming this way, it's not as big as I thought, but it's nice stone and I'm passing, leaving a lot behind here, and the main can is starting to stretch around this corner rather beautifully,

it's shrunk down, the weight of the stones has made it a lower, but it's so long, and people over the half of it, a bit you can see is pretty long, but then it carries on both directions trailing like a little snake, down the hillside, so I'm going to put these a little away from the main bin of the can, just to continue build up, and that's a good addition there, it's made a real difference, a few little stones have rolled down or been pushed down the can, I'll replace those, yeah looking nice, looking very nice, maybe we should get a photo of that, what's what you think, just show the people what's going on,

quite dirty hands, I think that looks pretty extreme, if you remember, and you can look back and see what that can used to look like, and that's really is getting somewhere now, and so not yet visible from space, and some of it's under a hedge which will prevent it from being visible from space even further, but there's no arguing that something's going on there, you'd have to be blind not to see it, we're going to head down the hill, no stone pole today, there are somebody there, zero out of five, still getting over that disappointment to be honest, and as we walk down the hill, I can see scattered stones there, they

didn't look like a scree really here, but they are all part of that same wall, as time passes that will grow, I guess we're approaching four years into this now, is that right, or five years, four years, I think we started in 2018, I think we started podcasting, but I was doing it a little bit before then, and it's good that you can really start to see the damage that I'm creating, there's a lot of dead animals by the side of the field, just the ecology of the field is so badly disrupted by what I'm doing, they've died, that's what I'm saying, that's not true don't I, just a little bit of dark humor to help us through, a lot of people asking me in the emails if there's a nuclear war will that affect stone crane, I think it'll help because

the crops will be irradiated and useless, it'll be nice to have warm stones, irradiated stones, especially in the winter time, picking up a nice warm stone, oh, like a lovely hot potato, so you know, although it'd be bad for many people if there's all that nuclear war, stone clear is not so bad, less people around, less stone stars around, have to survive the initial blast of course, also you know, probably get superpowers like spider man, but it'd be stone man, it'd be fine, if I was the manager of the works, I would sell the works, that's what they're doing, it's a good name, but I would actually literally sell the workings of clocks, stuff like that,

not do you have to, yeah, if I owned, I don't know, can't give any other shots off, pets, pets at home, I would sell pets, but only pets that were in your home, so I'd go around to people's homes and I'd say do you want to buy this dog, and they'd say well that's my dog, I'd say well that's the, so that's the ditch that stopped Brexit, maybe you forgot it, but luckily that should help, stop Brexit, and then the other supermarkets, I was the manager of gateways, I'd sell gateways, that's an easy one, they still have gateways, there's one in cheddar in the 70s, Steve Rowland's used to work there, stacking shelves, we're at the, we're at the, just to make sure that the name of the shop, you'd sell whatever's in the name,

that's my overriding piece of advice, and you can't change it, you can't do a name on purpose, you have to use the existing name, so you can't go, well I'd like to sell cars, I'm going to call my shop cars, that's not how it works, right we're at the Alfa and Romagic Inn again, just time to check your emails I've answered, there were a lot of people asked that one nuclear war question this week, including new fence hull, new fence hull, and trunk bramble, trunk bramble, like trunk bramble, compost heap, dog, also asked that question, but let's have a look and see,

what else we've got, we've got temporary fencing, holly, holly temporary fencing, sorry they put it, she put a surname for Ben Rich, if you were a manager of a cafe Nero, what would you sell, that's good, I would have people traffic people call cafe, and I would sell the remains of the Emperor Nero, not any, it wouldn't be like memorabilia or tourist stuff, would have to be actual parts of the Emperor Nero, also people traffic people call cafe, so thanks for that, maybe people could, but it could be people traffic people call cafe, and people called E,

like short for Ian, so I'll say you know they could broaden out a bit if I wasn't selling enough, I don't know how so many people know about this, what can I ask for, some people coming in, morning, stay here, stay, whoops, nearly sent me tumbling, will be stop it, stop it, it's what you're doing, come on, good girl, come on, come on, good girl, watch it, I'll woof you in this car, it's for me, don't be silly, there they are,

so that's on, so we're fine, we're taking the dog in a trip up in Kilby, in the road, we've got a message here from Dustbin Leaves, Dusty Leaves, he says his nickname is, what if you were the manager of the post office, what would you say, oh come on, it's our post, and that's our vice that had gone off, they're a very cheap price, it's an obvious one, there you go, don't waste my time with shit like that, that's the Dustbin I'm going to call you, I don't consider you my friend, now that's it, we're through, do keep on suggesting shops that what I would sell if I own them, that's what everyone is e-mailing about that,

it's all a lot of thought for some of those people to realise that's what was going to happen, oh you're kidding me, that boot that I thought was okay has got a hole in it as well, well it's at least said if I'm very wet, what can you do wolves, you have to buy some new boots, don't buy Dunlop, that is my advice, anyway thanks for watching this TV show, fun to do, see you again next time, to all you flag hags out there, enjoy your stone clearing, remember there's also stone clearing, if you own a shop remember to only sell the things that are in the time of the shop, goodbye. Liffon to the stone my friend, and they've a helping year merry dance,

don't Liffon to the bird fan tree, don't Liffon to your underpants, Liffon to the stone, Liffon to the stone, and they in turn are Liffon to ye, my friend, my pine twend. You have been listening to stone clearing with me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog, the music is by Mike Copgrave, the voice of the Photones is Michael Faheen, I was just thinking, Primark can only sell extremely good arcs. Liffon to the stone my friend, and they've a helping year merry dance, don't Liffon to the bird fan tree, don't Liffon to your underpants,

Liffon to the stone, Liffon to the stone, and they in turn are Liffon to ye, my friend, my pine friend. you