Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 117

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Chapter One One Feven - I'm Not Faying I'm Jefuf. It's 7.45am on the 9th March 2022 and there's a little bit of a wind going on and Wolfie is making enemies and friends, as we return to the Ftone Ocean for another important chapter in the audio binder that is Stone Clearing. Rich reveals news about lost Fhakefpeare plays and gofpels - how does he know so much about it? I can't say. The cairn that never grows is back and still no bigger and the ditch that had so much success with Brexit turns its powers to World War Three. Plus an entitled stone gets on Richard's nerves. Is it the witterings of an old man or the wise words of the fon of Godf? Become a badger to listen to the Fecret Ftone Clearf: http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Come on Wolfie Harris Come on Wolfington Good girl, who's a good girl? It's you isn't it? Come on Come here, come here Why do you never...

Why do you always do this? Just come here, I know you're excited I'm so excited about you doing a weenaboo as well I can never have been more excited Drive careful, there's cars coming past They won't be here listening to me I'll just run out into the road like a lunatic What did I say?

Wolfie, wait here Wait here Good girl Wait, Wolfie, wait here Come on, we'll go this way Come on Wolfie, stop it Well, that's an exciting start to the proceedings

We're going to have to come up Because of angry dogs We're going to have to come up to this Feel a different way Oh no, we can't do that, let's go behind We'll go now We can't, we can't not go plus the Hello my family and friends

And welcome to the Stone Clearing With Richard Herring Chapter 117 It's 749 It's the I don't want to say it's the 9th of March 2022 Wolfie doing a wee already, why goodness

I think she was keen to get out She was doing a wee before we even got to the field On a piece of grass, it's all alright It's all on the countryside here And Wolfie dragging me I think she's after that was a big Alsation I haven't seen before

A lady in one of those big Puffy black coats That look a bit like the Michelin Man You know the ones we're coming up past Oh the fence has nearly been repaired Bits of brick on there Halfway, could pick those up and clear them But I think they're part of the process

Still see into the garden, that person But soon we won't be able to know A very fine new fence A bit of wood there Some A box of wood screws A can of red bull Bits of wood, chopped off

It's all happening down here So welcome to another Tone Clearing Epiphone Chapter Of course it's what it really is Just checking the recording Seems to be

Very nice the Fence here, slightly see through though At the top Nice little gate so you can come out Into the station whenever they want Beautiful Right it's Wolfie's doing that Wolfie was on these weeds

I just didn't approve Wolfie said no I know what it's like To defecate and urinate We say that in common Just getting a couple of little pebbles For the alphanomaga Gods Feed them

And they protect them So welcome Don't know who is a nice stone there The crop still just the height of Slightly unkempt Unkempt grass But growing slowly Little big turd there

Turning into cocoon Grrr And yeah nice to be back On this the only field That I Clear stones from If you are a monthly badger You can of course

Listen to A new episode of stone clearing It's a secret one It's very secret Reveals some secrets That might unsettle You the regular viewers Listeners of this

Endeavour But you can only find out By becoming a monthly badger Go fastestripe.com Badges Don't know how regularly I'm going to do the Secret ones But you know

If you're not in, you're missing out If you're not pissing in You're missing out, that's what I say I did record another secret one But the take went wrong I'm absolutely paranoid about This system we've got Because it seems to fail

About 50% of the time And you know if it doesn't work I'm just a man walking around a field Talking to himself If it does work I'm a man walking on a field Probably nice stones here I can't believe all these are right by the edge

I mean If you've listened to the secret podcast You can hardly call these stones But For this field Which is the only field I'm in Of course they are pretty impressive At this stage because I've been around so many times

I've picked out the choice cuts And yet still New stones appear New stones doth grow No No man Can ever clear a field For the photons

They grow Day by day That's the Of course it's from Shakespeare or fake Spear, as he was called His lost play Titus stone clear in this

us I've got a stone clear At all Titus Did very well at the time But The stone stars here have burnt all the copies And Almost written out history but there's still a few

References to it A few Scraps Of text to survive like the one I just read Out to you a little bit more of a pure sight to do there Or every sight to it again Because Yeah, if you've forgotten it

You can just go back and listen and I'm not going to repeat Myself on this Podcast that is something I've Been very keen not to do You get a lot of repetitive podcasts Just based on the same content Week in week out with this It's, you know, it's a manual

That, you know, if there was a ring binder I would send it out to you We could Each week it builds Into a complete Uh Manual Of

Stone clearing Each week building every episode Very carefully planned every chapter I spent most of the week researching What I'm going to say and learning Big chunks of it Learning but, you know, do you think I could just recite That Shakespeare thing?

I've stopped by headquarters and I've been learning that All the rules of stone clearing All the atherisms Each week I think, well, which one Should we put in this week? We're working too very tightly Even this bit is very tightly scripted A bit of a wind

A bit of a chill wind Blowing no good On the On the station That bit's not scripted The weather report bit, you know, that's not There's no way I can predict that So I add lips of it

But you don't have to be Some kind of genius To just walk around the field Talking Making stuff up as you went along As it ought to be There's amazing and coherent and Educational

There's the stuff you're hearing now So, you know, give me some credit I mean, don't give me some credit As well, give me some credit, I've learned to Don't give me the credit that I'm the kind of genius Who could just make this stuff up I'm not sure such a genius Could

Walk this earth And not be partly God I mean, G-Fuff, sure, he could do it G'day, I'm not saying I'm G-Fuff That would be The big claim But they did say he would come again And he would recognize they said

In the coat From the compoth From the top of the compoth Is he shod? Not shod, is he? Yeah, let's say shod In their coat In the raiment

Of The compoth To the top That him availed himself For he He shall be a fifth Fisher Of men

His fimble Thou be the fifth Probably you'll call himself I had fishy sort of name Fifty-fourth of name Probably as a clue This is all From the

From the goth bull According To G-Fufflet And I think the fact that He's the base of the venerable bead Of photon clearing I don't know what it means You know, I don't know who they're trying

To talk about there But My name's a sort of fish It's weird, isn't it? It just struck me He foul-bring Peeth On earth

For all photon clearers For anyone who isn't a photon clearer Especially Ones who only listen to the Main podcast and don't pay for the Occasional extra one Foul burn in hell Amazing they knew what podcasts were about

It's weird You know Just trying to piece the pieces together Work out what they're talking about there But had to be shrouded in Myth And Cyphers

I guess you know You would recognise the true person when he came They foul not recognise him When he comes For he will be too modest To fay Me, I am The new chief

Instead He will talk in code And He's picking up some stone Fulfill the prophet thief That had been written And so must be foul Well, all very confusing stuff there

But it's worth learning The Gospels Most of them Expanded from the New Testament In that When all those bushes got together And they chucked out loads of stuff

You know, it'd be good if I knew the name of that Come on boss, then It would make this seem very Historically accurate Right, picked up a We're heading across the field now Might do a stone pulse there We haven't been around the long

We haven't We haven't done Got up to the top quarter for a long time Have we Must do that, but the problem is I've got to take the kids to school That's my job, apparently That's worked out while I sit at home

Came down their nails Regretting their decision to marry me Oh, I'm wearing new boots today I've got fed up with Wah! Tried there to throw For a big distance Trying to get down the path

So I can pick up another time It went a bit to the left Bought some new boots Because I was fed up with my crappy cheap boots Splitting out We'll see how these go I'll let you know They were quite expensive

That's no guarantee They're pretty comfortable You don't have to wear anything on your feet Don't think you have to buy Expensive welding tins to be a stone there It helps, you're just kicking That's probably why the boots keep breaking Kicking stones

Big, sharp bits of flint Which stick there Leave that for the minute If you need some more A competition winner The monthly badger A few witch's fingers And witch's dick games

Left from the kickstarter That's another way Another way for many benefits Of being a monthly badger I've got a couple of smaller stones In my hand As across the field We all go up to do the stone pool today

I think it's time I've got a lot of emails When we're at the stone pool Today's lucky or not Come on kids I do what I can for you We should stop badging There hasn't been a stone clearing

For six days, what's going on Where is it? They come out at best once a week Don't come out the day after Come on you owe your public There's thousands of us waiting For the next one You can email me with questions

About stone clearing, that's fine I already get so many emails That it's hard to get through them Don't bother me with Badgering me about when the next one's coming out Asking if I can make person the prince To clear your stone field Or whatever the plan is

Have sex with you, a lot of that Look at your naked pictures, a lot of that I don't want to look at your naked pictures You're all middle aged men Look at them Just out of politeness I attempt to Ejaculate some of them

Just out of politeness But I don't like it That's not what I'm going to stone clearing It's a double edged sword Obviously I It's just insane, isn't it Quiet as we come out here on the field Two years ago I would have hoped they would all die

And now they possibly have all died of Covid I miss them in a weird way You kind of need your villains To make life interesting I suppose Without them, I'm just a man Moving bits of stone around the field That was a good try Nicely

Flinted off there Some Hot horse who marks on the ground Here probably from a baby Riding his Horse through the field Let's just have a look Should we clear these or should we take these

Stone pole, they're not quite nice stones But we're quite away from The stone pole Let's see, we'll double carry them with us for now We'll be off the lead I'm so confident that there's no Even after that compter-tomp That we began with

I mean maybe that's what the stone stars are doing They think we'll stick the Stone stars who are right at his door That'll scare him more That's not waste of time out on the cold field Haven't been out to the camp at the centre of the field For so long now I wonder if it's still there

You never know, you know this Been some destruction as we know on the field out here Some repairs required Oof, we've got pretty closely getting Clocked in the head there But luckily just high enough She loves it, ooh that's gone down a rabbit hole That one

That's going to surprise a rabbit in the morning We've tried to push that out Oof So anyway Don't worship me as a god, this is what I'm saying I'm just like you I'm just like you but better That's all you need to

Worship me If you want to Shall we take a trip out to this Camp in the centre of the field Maybe we should Just check the time Oof Sound of

A little age man bending Man bending down to pick up a stone there Right, don't want to miss The stone Closed, we're still rolling We're still rolling Don't want to miss this stone pole I should say

Wow, I think we've got a nought out of five last time Let's see if I can do better than that Or worse That's not a good start That sounds like it hit the pole next to the pole Zero out of two Zero out of three, that's eight in a row I've missed

Solid hit, one out of Five, two out of five Using a dart throw there Still bad news but better news than last time Things that you know and what happened No out of five, we're at world war World war Three on the way

So hopefully That will have Done some weight To Stopping the world I think we have a nice Medium slot Oh, there's another one, some nice stones here

I see what's happening It's a thing if you can't come to Two, eight and a fifth Welfie, come here, Welfie, come here Stop, Welfie, come here Come here Welfie, come here now Welfie

Leave it alone Come here, sorry Come on, darling Welfie, that's why I shouldn't have let you off the lead I know you're just playing But still The stone starts to crack up from behind

Oh, look at that Stone wolves I wish you'd gone to Dom Cummins' camp, really They haven't played me on there for a while Let's check Let's look Stone stars came up the pathway Surprised me

Little dog But luckily Welfie Was in the mood to play, not to kill So taking a long journey up The central path Come on Good girl You're a good girl, aren't you

I'll get that one the way back There's some nice stones down here, man We're going to have to retrace our steps Oh, but they're cold stones of winter I thought spring was It was coming back You can probably hear the wind Blowing waters and I can see too

That's got an eye hole in that stone I like it when that happens You could wear that as a mask Over one eye But these cold stones You're holding for a little while Oh, and look, listen to that wind Gratting in the headphones

Another stone star Wow So they've scrambled We haven't worked time here I'm confused Am I going the way I'd never used to If that's somebody in the cornwall That's the truth

A dog, it could be a log dog I haven't seen one this long Yeah, it's a log dog Very long It's a log snake, dog or snake I've seen those very much A dog with a head of a dog A dog with a long body

A very big snake Whoa I'm struggling A little bit with fitness And with the cold I've brought some nice stones From a long way to the centre of the field Oh, some nice babies here

These all come from What? How did that grow so fast? You know, it's anyway It's amazing to be out here And Nice to see my central cane Still

Very much here Someone's put Some dog poo in there In the bag, that's just rude I'll try and bury that Just on the cliff edge as well Looking good I mean, how is it possible

Around here Where I've played a thousand times There are many new stones to clear You're answering me that with your science Science cannot Your precious science Can't be answered, can it? Well, it's good to see

Let's take a photo of this one I'm going to show you Well, it's good to see Let's take a photo of this one I can't really get the log Come on, Wilson's mate Come on Bishop Chesmeade there

From Denham Stasi number one Come on, Wilson Good girl Surprising me twice Same stone as Thasi And that takes them doing Why would they go all the way on the bottom

And then take a dive and look across They might look at me and go, well, why did you go Halfway across the field and go back in Because I'm doing a podcast about stone clearing I can't tell you that Obviously For obvious reasons Now, where was that stone I saw that

Take back, was that it? That's the problem They look different coming back Than they do going in Let's pick up this one For starters Oh, Wolfie's excited And anyone who thinks this isn't scripted

Why did I do that bit while I lay down Oh, Wolfie's not on the lead Nothing could possibly go wrong For her then to attack I admittedly playfully at another dog That was all part of my Master plan It's been a great podcast

This one, this one hasn't Nothing's gone wrong with the tape On this one You wouldn't want to miss any of this fucking gold, would you? You fuckers Sorry, I don't know why Some of you are crossing, yeah You're very nice people

Where did it go? Was it this one? It's slightly hassle-offing Total care Total care The crop is well established Enough now to take a little Battery down under new Wellington

So far keeping the water out I have to tell you, so that's good news It's not particularly wet out here Bit of dew The path to the Dominic Cummings Cairn once So clear Half now

That was the one I want you to look at that, that's nice That's just, definitely, it's medium small But definitely Worth taking off Should we follow these tire tracks down to the Dominic Cummings Cairn? See what we see down here If we can pick up one more stone

They go around the corner That's going to say, you know If the farmers prepare to drive over Those crops, you won't mind me walking over them Keep your eyes open, people You can nearly be ambushed twice But we've somehow lived to tell the tales I knew there was a point where we'd come down here

And there was a stone corner somewhere all the time Do listen out for the stone's voices Hard to pick out one amongst the billions But this was the one that was saying Rich, take this one There's a couple there And both, always some nice ones there So I'll come back for you guys, we'll come back

The Dominic Cummings Cairn Once so resplendent The Cairn that never grows, of course But still Still, it seems to be in this tiny size Never growing However many stones you put on it The Dominic Cummings Scarf has seem

To disintegrate it as a little gore A bit of gore's got put up on the tree there That's a bit, what's looks like We're going to get moving wolves Going to get back to take the kids to school We've got over excited Stone pole there Dancing on the way back, 2 out of 5

I thought I'd lost the record It's really playing up the app So like sometimes You can't see the actual Sometimes they get different sizes You don't know Doesn't matter And at what point is this

Just a man wittering himself in the field Not yet My friends, not yet For that time we'll come Believe me that time will come Come on wolves Just enjoy the serenity Serenity now

Just give you a little time Just close your eyes You can picture things in your mind Picture what you think I'm looking like now Think about The last stone you cleared How happy it will be Think about all the stones

That are yet to clear Say a little prayer I'll give you just a moment Let's just have a moment of reverence While we think about those things Before we get into the moment of reverence I'm just going to put that on there I thought it was a little candy

No, just loads of stones No Let's have A few moments of silence While we think about stones Think about them Stop not thinking about them Think about them

Give thanks to them Are you thanking them Thank the stones for being there Thank the stone gods for putting the stones there for you to clear Don't question why the stone gods did just put the stones where they wanted them to be See one of those guys

Not a question They're wave Right, we're heading downhill I hope you enjoyed that moment of complete silence Another stone court What's that mate? I can't get around to everyone at once Don't be a prick about it

I've got you now, alright? A sense of entitlement to some of these stones Is quite something to behold sometimes I still love them But mostly it's the one or two rotten apples that spoil it for the others Wait patiently You're going to clean me up

in the field Alright Terry Christian It's your turn mate, you weren't even calling out How about that? That's what you get The rest of you, this guy was just sitting I think he might be dead actually He's not saying a word even now You can say thank you

You're going in the ditch to stop Brexit It's also the ditch to stop the war in the Ukraine As long as you put a stone in every day It has many powers It's got a dominant coming sack It's going to get Boris Johnson's sack Don't put too much pressure on one ditch, but

They can cope with four or five things And then we'll have a couple of you I'll take the kids to school, how about that? Deal? Is it a deal my friends? My family friends The ditch has some kind of dead sort of plants in it

There's a nice stone stone coming up behind me I'm going to have to be syruped That's the ditch to stop Brexit What about Alpha and Omega? I'm going to have to be quick Wow The stone stars have done pretty well today I have to say

I've got a few surprise Encounters It's made of a noise So Let's say goodbye to the field We'll head down Duckett's Passage I'll just put this on the Alpha and Omega camp before we go We should be safe

Did it very subtitiously Let's have a look at emails Emails coming in This is from from From C.SaltCrisp's packet Harris

C.SaltCrisp's package Hi Rich, I'm a multi badger All the extras are incredible Thanks for those I can't believe that people who like stone clearing aren't paying 3,000 a month Just to hear a couple of

the bonus stone clearing chats I don't worry, I won't give away the secrets They are pretty amazing secrets all of them Do you think you'll do even more secret podcasts? Yes, I do It's very nice of you

to see C.SaltCrisp's packet Harris, it's very nice of you to to big me up in that way I didn't know, I just picked an email I wasn't expecting it to be like an advert Did you know Rich? Did you know Rich?

You also get so many more extras Not all of them stone clearing stuff Like backstage entries from a hell of a badge secret code Be quick, because we've only got a certain number of those badges left and we're not going to print up any more

So if you want to be a part of the coolest gang in the world listen to C.SaltCrisp's packet That's what I would do Man, looking at me out as if I'm mad Just passing in his car He was wearing one of those stupid alpine hat things with the ear flaps

Just stared at me I hope he's never seen a stone clearing before I better go, because my wife finds out I've been stone clearing and I should be taking the kids to school It's going to be very hell to pay Thanks for listening, enjoy yourself

And keep still clearing stones, get out and become a badge for everybody Bye Can they for helping hear Mary dance Don't listen to the bird

fan-tree Don't listen to your underpants Listen to the stone Listen to the stone And they

in turn fell to ye my friend my pine friend Stone clearing starred me Richard Herring with Wolfie the dog plus a couple of dogs that the Wolfie

got into various situations where the couple of stone clearers in the distance, nothing much else to report that man who looked at me from the car in a weird way The music is by Mike Coffgrave Jones is Michael Faheen Listen

to the stones my friend and they fell thing hear Mary dance Don't listen to the bird fan-tree Don't listen

to your underpants Listen to the stones Listen to the stones and they in turn

fell to ye my friend my pine friend