Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 12

Episode Date: February 14, 2019

Chapter 12: Chess. It's Valentine's Day 2019 but Ftone Clearerf hath nay time for love, not whilft there be ftones in the ground- so Richard heads into the Hertfordshire mist to clear the complacent stones. He has used all his guile to lull them into a false fenfe of fecurity and it's a bumper crop for the wily stone hunter. Are the stones his friends or his enemies? No one is sure, but for passive bits of stuff in dirt they have much magic, not least to change his mood in the space of three quarters of an hour. Making this the uplifting feel-good stone-based podcast of the year. We visit a part of the field that have as yet gone unbroadcast on the podcast and execute a double trespass into the forbidden field. Loads more emails and a worrying bit about toothless grannies that you might want to skip. But will Rich hit the stone pole and elicit a simultaneous cheer from the nation? No Fpoilerf.

Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. Welcome to another episode of Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. It's a new podcast about one man's mission to clear stones from a very large field. We're heading off, it's about eight o'clock on February the 14th, it's Valentine's Day, but stone clearers have no need for love. In fact, it was very much a chased profession in the past, which is why stone clearers have almost died out because they never bred. Even though they did clear fields naked, there's another sexual thing that is just to rid themselves of the hoarish clothes and concentrate on the tasking hand clearing stones. So it was difficult for them to pass on their wisdom through the generations, they just had to find another naked young person or young person who was able to take their clothes off, which was anyone, and then teach them the ways. But of course do remember, there are no rules. The first rule of stone clearing is there are no rules.

The second rule is you must be over 16 to clear stones, partly because of that music thing, but also children do not have the mental discipline to carry out this. And we'll just be silly and throw the stones in the wrong place and become bored. It takes an adult, it takes a man or woman to stone clear. That's very much the motto, I suppose, of stone clearing. Anyway, it's a very, very foggy Valentine's Day, which is good and bad. We can barely see 20 yards, which does mean of course I could be surprised by a dog walker at any moment as I'm trying to clear the stones, but also equally means they are not as able to see me. So hopefully I can start to check out my work without being discovered. Straight in, right by the path again. Wow, someone's thrown a massive brick structure into the brambles there, I don't know if that is an extreme stone clearing.

There's quite a few bricks, I mean they're not from the field, I don't think, but I haven't noticed that before. Straight in, I've cleared a stone right from the engine. There's another one, I mean again, just making my work feel almost pointless, but I can still be walking, even after these six, seven months of doing this, I can be walking by the path that I've trod every single time I've done this and still be finding stones all right. And that one is just a lich to their nice sized stones right by the path. I mean am I just wasting my time? This is a question you will ask yourself. I of course know the answer is no, I am not wasting my time, I am creating a legacy for myself and my children, creating something that will define me. Now Wolfie is just doing a poo, I'm going to clear this one up, because it's quite near some of the stones and I don't want to disrespect the stones.

So just excuse me, if people are listening to this walkthrough, the dog and especially the dog turds, this is a quite a thick, chunky third, quite long and then just one extra little bit that's propped out at the end. Very near, oh, the end split just fell on the floor, I'll pick that up as well. Of course now I understand clearly I have no fear of this organic matter. Once upon a time the idea of picking up a dog's poo seemed weird, but when you spent six months picking up stones, suddenly picking up a dog poo is a nice relief, to be honest. So back on with the stone clearing gloves, I didn't obviously wear those to clear the dog poo. I didn't want to get dog poo on them, they must be kept pristine and clean all the time.

And yeah, look at this, just a million stones here. I haven't been quite as fastidious in my stone clearing recently and a lot of new stones seem to have grown out of the soil. Just trying to hit the fence, there we go, didn't it? Just one of the many little ticks that I now have to do is pass that particular bite to the throat of the stone. So it just bangs against the fence, and if I don't do that the world is destroyed. So in no sense is this becoming an unhealthy obsession. And a couple of little stones there onto the big underbush can. I'm sure many of you are aware of.

So I'm going to look out here a few feet into the ocean, or the Pototian, as it would have been called of course in the back in the day. And yeah, I mean, just stones everywhere. It's like nobody's even been out here and cleared a single stone, which can be frustrating, but also adds to the challenge. It's also exciting for me that there's still, even after so long of stone clearing, there's still so many stones to clear. As usual, get in here, you've got a tweet, I think, from someone called Egotistical Charlie. Yeah, well, that's, you're both Egotistical and a Charlie mate saying, do you not wear the clearing stones to the field? It will compact the soil into mud and actually make the field unable to grow crops.

I don't care mate, I don't care. That's not what this is about, it doesn't matter. The day-to-day life of the farmer is not my concern. I'm doing something that will echo through the eons when it started before farming and agriculture existed and ended, will end long after humanity has disappeared from its earth, or maybe just humanity's eating kills and doesn't need a farm anymore. And also, there's a fucking billion stones here. Look, I'm walking along, I'm still walking along and I'm still looking at the one meter just to the right of the path, and it's still full of stones.

So, you know what, I reckon the crops are going to be okay. Sorry, sometimes I can just get a bit cross about how difficult this, so I just thought in six months I'd have done it, to be honest, you know, and so it's, it's frustrating, but this is a frustration you are all going to have to go through. You too will find yourself on Valentine's Day walking through the fog alone with a dog, picking up dog shit, throwing stones into the bushes. And wonder if what you're doing, you know, is not a fit job for a human being, that maybe you should have formed some attachments with humans rather than stones, and you're wrong because those humans that are getting cakes and, yeah, Valentine's cakes,

what's mainly happening today in chocolates and cards, they will fade away and disappear and become old even before that happens, and are meaningless, whereas these stones shall lie where I do throw them for eternity. And so I think that makes your slightly sleazy attempt to have sex with someone who will one day just be nothing from dust in the ground, show up for what it is, a waste of time. You're the one wasting time having sex, mate, with loads of people, loads of just transitory people, transitory, the right word was that for, I mean, if you're having that tramps, I mean, you might be having sex with tramps and that's okay, they have to have sex too.

Transient, whatever whichever it is, I don't know, I'm not interested in words, I'm interested in stones, and primarily I don't know if you've got the idea of just clearing them off a field. So you can sense a little, you know, maybe I'm not as happy about all this as I've seen now, that maybe I feel bad that my life is now about stones, but I don't, so that's the answer, anyone who says that, I feel good about it, and I'm just grumpy about something else. I can't tell you about because it's personal, it's partly due to stones. Anyway, so the ground is cold today, I was worried about global warming, but it's very cold today, and as Donald Trump says, that must prove global warming is not true,

except that we're pleasing the word warming. The efficient gloves that I bought in order to be able to pick up stones without cutting myself are not up to the task of keeping my hands warm, especially my right hand, my stone-picking hand, is cold, I know their fingers are cold, even though I'm not holding onto the stones for very long, they are like ice-creams. Wolfie, where are you going? Wolfie! Wolfie, come here! Wolfie's seen something, it's probably a dog. Wolfie, come here!

There's a dog over there. Wolfie! Wolfie! Hi there. Good girl, come here. Good girl. And Wolfie, I think the baby is a bit scared of those two labradors there, they will just walk him on the path that runs alongside the field, where people can be quite sneaky, especially in the fog and see me, stand clear of him, call me out on it. But luckily, I think my lady did not, because of the fog she didn't see me,

so it's a double-edged sword fog, literally. It's not that sharp, but it can cut through the subterfuge, but also it can create subterfuge. And again, look at this, right by the entrance to the field. I guess sometimes I wonder what the point of life is. I thought I discovered it. I'm trying to dig up the big stone here, that's right up there in the pile. But that can nicely go on my, it's the can opposite to the big can there,

which is, it's coming along okay, but this weirdly not really, a lot of these cans don't seem to be properly growing in the way that the main one really is growing. And oh, yeah, that one's not coming out. So I'll leave that on for another day. You get to know, again, as you, the longer you do this, which stones want to come, which don't, which you have to force a little bit with a trowel. There is the trowel in my pocket that I try not to use, because generally, if the stone isn't coming out by hand or foot,

then it should stay where it is, but sometimes, fuck it, you know, fuck the little stone. And it's being on the field when it should be not on the field. So heading up now towards the far corner of the field where that controversial wall is, I've stepped out a little bit into the field. And again, I'm finding a plethora of stones, just a meter out. Some of them gray flint, some of them brown flint. Oh, that's a nice and nice one. This is the catch of the day, I think.

Let's have a look when it comes out. Looks a bit like a Klingon bustle or a fish, maybe. If you can imagine that. Or a bow tie, which is quite a lot heavier at one end than the other. And on these five stones I picked up are going on a mini-can built around quite a nice stone I found some time ago. Still that can remains pretty small. Just kicking one from the edge of the shore.

Otherwise it's like the headland between the beach and the church station. Just kicking that away so that it does not fall back onto the field, become a problem later. Some dog poo there that would probably smelly. Not picked up by its owner. I smell a bit of dog poo because I've got some dog poo in the little knapsack I've bought with me. But that should hopefully keep people away from me the smell. So that's another reason to have a dog.

And again, stepping half a metre out of the field, out of the stuff out into the field. Or readily finding many, many stones. So I don't think the job is going to be over in 2019. I don't think the podcast is going to be over in 2019. Even 2020 I think we'll be pushing it given that the metre I'm really working over the six months is just around the edge and the field. I can't remember the figures I did to work them out for you. It's really fucking big.

But we must go on. We agreed we will attempt this and that is the stone clearers code. Of course, once you've begun clearing the field, you must clear it or die. And I intend to clear it. I do not wish to die. So that's my only option, isn't it? Think about it. If I want to stay alive.

And there's the magical tree where I just... Stones just strewn beneath it randomly. You throw them towards that. The branches catch the stones. But also I think it's quite nice to have this moon skate beneath this short, slightly magical looking tree that I think probably is magic. That's what, as you get back into nature, you start to understand the wonders out here. And that's some of the trees are probably magic even though they haven't done it before.

Another slightly magic looking tree here with, again, more stones beneath this one. But again, scattered in the same way. Because they're both on a little hillop, a mound really. And so the stones, they do roll-off down and find their place where they may. Yeah, I'm just surprised at how readily I'm able to just find stones almost with my foot on the path. Well, that's a beauty. Please, though, persisted there. That was a bit of an iceberg.

Nothing really bigger than the size of a demi-apple at the moment. But, you know, a demi-apple is a good size to be working with. And most of them have been around that size. The ones I picked up. Just kicking one off there. And, you know, some good exercise. I've been, I have to say, to be honest with you, because of the conditions in the field and the crops growing in the winter, I've not been coming out as often as I should have.

But there's nothing to say, you know, wait for the stones to grow and then harvest them like I am today in great number, rather than, you know, picking one or two off per day. And you just must work at your own pace. Sometimes you're going to feel, hey, I want to be out there every day, two times a day, really making a dent in this thing. Sometimes you're going to say, hey, let's sit back. It's like a game of chess. Wait for the stones to make their move before you make your move.

Get them complacent, make them think, ah, he's gone, he died, that's great. We're safe to come out of our burrows. And then bang, as they like today, you can really strike and make a difference. I mean, I don't know if anyone's keeping count. Anyone that's maybe set up an app that can count the stones, as I'm throwing them. I'm not interested in the numbers, I'm just interested in when there are no stones remaining. But, you know, I think any one who's listened to all of our customers say, hey, this is a good, which is getting in a good hall today.

And I think that's because maybe because I haven't been out every day, the stones have found their way. They've been lulled into a sense of security that, to be fair, the things that have been around for so long, you think in a week or so, shouldn't be that big a deal to them, but the idiot thought these stones. What has a stone ever invented? Nothing has a stone ever said, I don't think therefore I am a stone. No, it hasn't because it can't think, so it can't think there.

And certainly doesn't think it. And that's why we are better than stones. But, conversely, stones are better than us because they are eternal. And they've been used since the Big Bang. Bang, stones are fine. You don't have to be a scientist to know that. So, in a mixture of kicking and throwing today, the ground is, you know, it's not soft, but it's not.

We don't have the grit of the cold, we just have the chill of the cold. And I just found that maybe that might be the most math of a stone I've found today. Again, not huge, I mean that's the size of three quarters of an apple if you're working by the apple scale. And that's sort of a regular apple, not small apples, or a really big apple. Some medium sized apple. What if you're trying to get hold of another stone, I just kicked out of the way. And that goes on a nice little nest up in a sort of dingley dell.

And now, here we are at the corner where the wall is, where the other field is. A lot of controversy, I've had a lot of emails. Simon Stone has been in touch to say he really feels I shouldn't be going in the next field. Martha Grass also said the odds and points is that the same thing. But I think I should be going in the next field and I think I've explained enough, I don't have to keep explaining myself to you. So I might just have a little pop across, a little transgression. And actually, I've come right around the edge of this field.

I'm usually, I'm still in my own field, so don't panic. Simon Stone and Martha Grass. Here's Kiki Pantson. This corner actually has quite a lot of stones. Usually I can cross to pick up. It's littered with stones around here. Actually, the wall looking not too bad partly just because of these many stones that I've managed to find. And that's sort of this one just literally lying on the path.

It's kind of crazy that no one's even just casually picking these up. They're such good stones. And you know, like every stone in this part of the field is as big. That's the biggest one yet, just lying on top of the stone or the ground because no one cares. And this is like the early days for me and the path walking across the field where there would just be hundreds of stones an hour. There's not, the big ones there aren't so many of, that's where, on my field. And you know, I can, I almost can't walk away because they're leaving behind,

but I've picked up six or seven of these good medium sized stones and they're going on top of the wall perhaps from whence they once came up. And we'll create a barrier that will stop transgressors, ironically. So I thought today I might not cut across the field, but do the long loop. This might make the pockets a little longer. I hope you're prepared for that. And I really haven't been along this way for a long time, so it'll be interesting to see what we find in there.

Hopefully we'll also manage to come back into, what's other way? There's some stone coming going on here. Come on, we should know that by now. Some of the stones that I've thrown from the middle of the field are just sort of littered here. I think there's a good size one there that I'm sure I would have found at the other points, I think that must have been one of mine under here and another. So just lying atop the soil and another. So I think these are stones that you may remember me throwing from weeks ago.

I never got a chance to come pick up because I've been concentrating on a different part of the field. And I think hopefully this should give you an idea of the scope of what I'm doing. Because you'll go, oh, wow, there's the hole on a bit that's been cut in half. Yeah, there is. It's equally full of stones, if not more so. And more dangerous is by putting you past the wreck as you come this way. There is a chance of being, a bigger chance of being seen. That on a foggy day like today, not to continue my great escape analogy, but this is a great way of getting hundreds of stones out.

I'm sorry it was to continue my great escape analogy. Past the goons, unable to see you from their watchtowers. I've got four nice stones here. I'm just looking for a good place to deposit them. Of course, there aren't too many nests or cans along here because I've not been coming along here very much. So I might have to create a new one or just wait till we see something that feels like the right place. Again, a lot of this is just by instinct that you have to work out where the stones will go. The stones will tell you, again, not literally. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that.

People saying, emailing in Brian Grass as well. He was called Brian Grass. He said, the stones aren't literally talking to me. I said, how many times have you emailed him back? He said, Brian, come on, mate. How many times do I have to tell you? They don't talk. They just let you know in their own way. Some beauties here, actually. They're sort of already mainly off the field. I'll just put that a bit further off the field.

It's kind of interesting to come up here and be reminded of this particular part of the job. A, nice to see lots of stones. B, oh shit, I've kind of forgotten that this was part of it. And maybe 2021 is more realistic. I don't know. I don't know how long it's going to take, but it does give me something to live for. Oh, and the last big one just being sucked into the field there, like a toothless granny sucking up the final cock of her life, knowing it's her last one, going, I'm not going to let this go,

but having nothing, no purchase to keep that cock in her mouth beyond suction. And that was very much what that, I mean, I was going to say reminded, but that's never happened to me. So I imagined what that would be like. If there are any toothless grannies out there who want to just suck one more cock, maybe getting, getting touched like the other, like Brian sort of twig hanging off a tree, that has a hyphenated name, that he, he got in touch to say, and he likes done clearing, but you know, if you like, if your grandma wants to suck one more cock and you have no teeth,

you know, you can also email in for that. I mean, for example, you can email into her in 1967 and email, whatever you want. And as you can tell from the many emails, I've just seemingly remembered, you know, lots of people are, are emailing in and talking, not many about their final cock sucking, because you know, it's not, that's the first time that's really come up in this podcast. I'm not saying the whole podcast has just been an elaborate way for me to request toothless old grannies to come and suck their last cock and that cock being my cock,

and desperately trying to not let go of it, but eventually I get it out, because otherwise I'd have my cock stuck in the toothless mouth of a granny forever, which isn't the worst thing that can happen to you. Anyway, sorry, I've got to, so I'm just slightly distracted away from the stone clearing there by that hypothetical for example situation, you know, you can email without anything as well. That's what I'm saying, not specifically, don't specifically email me about that, unless you are a genuine toothless granny, and I'm not just into hearing people just get their kicks by pretending to be toothless grannies,

raising someone's hopes, so don't do that. But thanks for your emails, it's lovely, I can't reply to them all, there's so many, but we do look at all the ones we've got. So here we are, we're just approaching the other, the corner of the field that you rarely see, actually, weirdly quite a barren place for stones, there's one there, sort of a good sized one, I think that might be just, I'm kicking on it, but yeah, that's one that's saying, not yet rich, not today, come back another day, rich, rich, go away, come again another day, so what that stone is saying is showing its bottom or its top,

which you know, you don't know which way up the stones really feel they should be, and saying yeah, sure, someday we should get together, but that day is not today. And all this time because I've been walking alongside the other field, there is another entrance to that other field here, because I might just go out of interest, stone clearing interest, just as an academic exercise, go and have a little look at what this part feels like, it does look like there used to be a wall, and there's a nice side stone just on the path that I've kicked into touch.

Let's just have a look and see if this field is as second everywhere or whether it's just that weird corner, and there, on the path there's a nice one there, that can go on what will be the new wall, I mean certainly not as, it's certainly not as stony as the top of the field there, but there are still, like it's the moon, just stones, big stones, just a top soil, it makes me sick really that some stone clearing out there is not, even attempting his job, it's sad, it's just sad. Now there's a man-made fence along this side of the wall,

which does provide a place for you to know this is where my wall can grow off. I think I'm going to go down, the stones become a bit larger proliferation of stone, I'm just trying to remember, it has been several months I think, since I've even really come down this way. So here we go, just stepping that little way into the ocean, and found a couple of, yeah, I mean there is, there's me criticising who I was in the next field, hey look this, that patch of the field might just be the bit that they rarely go down,

because there's some nice stones here, it's not just lying on top of the ground, they're not massive ones, I have been down here, I've done my duty and I've been all the way around the field, to everywhere that's possible to get to, surreptitiously, and so you know, maybe I shouldn't return and defend the guys from the next field. Old woman, you know, it is an equal opportunities job this, women are actually more welcome than men, just because the men who do it like to see naked women,

but no, maybe the women might have seen naked men, if you thought about that, it's not like women don't like having sex, because otherwise there'd be no babies with them, so think about it, you're an idiot, you're thinking this is why you're thinking at home, yeah I'm talking to you, you know who you are, and the person I'm talking to is a woman, that's the irony there, yeah, you assumed it was a man and that's why you're sexist,

but it was a woman, because women can be sexist as well, isn't it? Oh, they're just doing a bit of kicking there just to get a stone, it was sort of off the field, but not right by the fence, and I think just using this fence as a guide, is just a nice way that stone players have to get out of my face, stupid dog, I'm not playing, I'm working here, it's nice that stone players have always adapted, and when, before man came along really in numbers,

I mean they were men, women themselves, before human blind came along, in big numbers, they're homo erectus, don't laugh at that, that's what they were called, just meant they stood up, not like that, please, this is a history lesson, it's your own time you're wasting by the senior, it's off like that, he was stone clearing,

and then man came along and built a wall maybe out of stones from the field, and the stone clearing and the homo erectus went, oh I can use that, I'll use that wall as a place to put my stones, and then that became a proper wall, I mean it was already a wall, it's not a good example really, because you know they've got a wall, but you know there's a fence here's what I'm saying, and we can use that to help us, and yeah not as many stones as I remembered I have to say down here,

but they are, oh I spoke too soon, I've just come across an amazing patch, just checking there's no one watching me, amazing patch, I mean I'll have to return to this one, there's too many stones here for one man to clear in a day, I'm just going to have one more, there seems to be no one around, maybe the fog is, they are superstitious the villagers here,

and very afraid and maybe the idea of venturing into a foggy field, with magic trees and weirdly self-growing piles of stones, it's too scary for them, I mean this is the point, this is the way I remember this part of the field, just chock a block with blocks of stone, and a few of them just near the edge of the shore, excuse me this is my, I don't know I'm not for breakfast, oh always important to eat well before you come out of stone clearing,

that's it you know I've, oh I don't tell me I lost my statistics on my walk, that would be terrible, and I think it's still going, oh is it stopped it's happening, it's happening over 3 hours 22 minutes have I, oh it stopped itself, that's a disaster, so I don't know how many calories I burnt up because my watch didn't stop working, it must be some good many, I don't know how long I've been walking from listening to podcasts,

so coming down to the bottom corner of this part of the field, remember it's not a square or a rectangle, it's like an L shape, so we're coming, if this is an L and we're looking at the L, as far as the starting point, the top part of the bottom part of the L, we are now at the top part of the, on the right hand side of the L, that helps you visualize where we are, there's some houses here,

a big window right overlooking the field, which is again obviously a tale of the makers, I have no idea if someone's just watching me, they're doing some decorating in there, I mean not the second, but there's a ladder in the newspaper and stuff up, so probably safe for the moment, but when children are in there they go,

mommy, mommy, I saw a strange man cleaning the stones from the field, and they'll go, don't be silly, that's just a legend, and they'll go, are you sure I saw him, I saw Father Stone, no, you didn't, but good kids are out there, of course Father Stone will reward them on stone day with a stone in there, just in their bed,

and there's nothing creepy about it, unfortunately because of some stuff that's happening in the modern world, it seems weird for a man to creep into a child's bed and place a stone inside his bed, but it's not, it's magical, and I don't need to tell you when the stone day ends, you're obviously really anticipating that yourself, so he's not a bad little kid,

I'm actually giving her a look, I'll come to this part of the field, just to put it again on one of the markers for walks, that's the other end of the long diagonal, if you literally come past the, which I have, do we have done once or twice, I think come past the central lamppost and carry straight on,

that's where the path takes you down here, so if you're creating a visual mind map of the field and timing it in your brain and working out how big the field is, that's where we are now, the other end, if we just walked across the field, taking the diagonal,

turning it into a triangle, that's where that path would have led us. So, yeah, it's again, this is the sort of weird part of the field where a few little Fatherly Stones, which I haven't really been bothering with, today I sort of went around the edge here, and there's quite a nice one there.

That's how I'm looking at this baby. Yeah, you know, that's okay. They're okay sizes, but they're not, I mean, they're nothing. So right home back, they still need to be taken off the field. Weird, how few people there are around today, it's slightly scary.

Maybe they know something I don't know. Well, I'm hearing all yapping dogs and maybe my reverie is about to be ended. Just throwing the books, rocks into quite a woody area. You can get through the twigs and the branches being hit.

No real purpose to those that have been thrown in there, and that's fine. Remember, you don't have to build a wall, or you can let the wall be built randomly by nature. And yeah, I mean, if you are observant, you will, even in these areas

where you think there's nothing here, you look around, you go, there's four stones, which I'm going to probably carry down to the can at the end of the other path, just near, of course, where the throwing stick, the throwing pole,

where we get a couple of extra stones to chuck at that. There's some nice ones, some nice little ones here, certainly not insignificant. I have a hand, one hand full of four stones, and another hand with three,

and there's room for another one or two to be picked up if you want to, but, you know, all we can just come back. I mean, the stones in this part of the field must be the most complacent stones ever, because they haven't been cleared for months.

They must have thought, ah, he's given in, or he's dead. And God, we can live our lives again, and then bank, here I am, swooping up,

and I now sort of have good five stones in my right hand, which are going on there. Yeah, admittedly, not to really grow in care at the end of the other part from the toga pole, and we're apart.

I've got to now, I've got four stones to throw towards the throwing pole. Remember, you do have to cheer if I hit the pole, especially if you hit it first time. That's always exciting.

Someone's put a bit of tape around it today. Maybe it's, somehow this pole is getting fractured in some way, or I actually hit a different pole, don't cheer that. I hit a fence post there, which is right next to the actual pole.

Oh, just missed, that went out of the field. That's always bad. Oh, just missed. Last go. Done it. Bang. Phew.

Four stones is enough, my friend. Four stones for a little Richie stone throw at herring. That's all he needed. And celebration is picking up a couple of tiddlers from the park.

I replaced them in a corner there where there are a few little tiddlers. I wouldn't even call that a nest. And here we are approaching the main can, which has been, you know, again, I would say not really been

tended to by me. Though when I did pass here the other day, came here for a night walk. So I have not been completely absorbing my duties. It did look bigger than I remembered. So whether it's growing itself, I think there might be a sort of

magnetism to, if you get enough stones together, I think that maybe they become a stone magnet that can actually draw in stones at night when no one's looking. I don't think there's a scientist that could disprove that was happening. And the evidence is there,

because how else are these cans becoming bigger? And why are the ones that I'm putting lots of stones on not getting bigger? Is it because the big one is drawing in the stones magically at night flying?

And maybe that's where the story fairies came from. Maybe fairies are just stones. Those little stones are picked up tiddlers that have gone on there. Just another nest along this route. This is one, there's some nice furry dog poo there.

People are fans of that. I haven't seen too much of that recently. It's a magical phenomenon of dew and cobwebs has created jackets for this poo. It's one of the most beautiful things that happens in nature. And that's why the poo can proliferate

because it's kept warm in these cold times. So here we are at the main can and a few stones have rolled down. They're lying at the front. I'll just do a bit of housekeeping. Move those along a little bit. There's still a bag of dog poo that is not going to decompose

for a long time just behind my wall. I'm just venturing out a little way into the field to see if I can pick up a couple of nice stones. There's a tiny one here. Not tiny, but not big. I'm going to throw from a distance. I mean, yeah, it's good there, isn't it?

That one bounced nicely onto the can. Again, in a way that felt magnetic. Now, you might say, come on, stones aren't magnetic, but what are magnets? They're just stones. When you have a magnet, what is that?

It's just a stone, isn't it? Essentially, a bit of metal or something. Same thing. I don't know what it is, but you would get it. Someone said, oh, yes, this stone can attract metal towards it.

You've got rich in stone. That's fine. And then it was proven by science. An E in magnet was proven correct, wasn't it? So I can't call myself E in stone because there's a meeting called E in stone that would be confusing. Maybe he invented the stone.

We'll have to ask him about that. Maybe get him on either podcast to ask him about where there is. I don't think he could be. I think stones were around before. But, you know, what I'm saying is keep an open mind because you don't know how things happen.

Don't accept science and history and experts. Just trust what you think might have happened. And I think that might have happened. So I picked up some nice stones here. Just to add, just I feel I've been neglecting my main camera, but to be honest, it looks so beautiful from here.

I'm only 20 meters away, maybe. It's looking incredible. Either it's a big magnet of stones or someone else is helping out or I've just forgotten. I'm coming up here at night and doing it. I don't know, in my sleep. But it looks bigger than I remember.

And, you know, he's a lighthouse, I suppose, to the farmer. If he was worried about stones being taken from his field or her field, totally sexist, again, you're assuming. Then surely they've spotted this by now. And not the very worst, can just throw the stones back onto the field. The tragedy of these few stones,

kind of some nice big ones have rolled down behind there, which would make nice additions to the war, but they're in the bushes, they're mainly inaccessible. And that's, I think you have to respect largely the choice of the stones. Not all the time. There are no rules. The stone clearing rule one is, in fact,

there are no rules to stone clearing. But one of the rules has to be that most of the time you shouldn't alter a stone when it has been cleared, let it rest where it wants to be, unless it feels analogous. And then you're allowed to move it a bit, like if it's just rolled down at the front.

That's a hard and fast rule. If someone could write down all these rules for me and just email them to me, that would be very helpful, because I can't be, I'm not listening back to all of this. So I kept the bigger stone, as I tend to do, and put that on the can a little way down the hill.

Just in the hope that, just because there isn't much down here to grow that particular part of the wall, or at least we've, I think we've got out most of the big stones, but who knows what's out there. I'm looking at the sun shining through the mist. Who knows what wonders are awaiting for me out there

in the main field, that I think especially once this feels been plowed, excuse me, I'm going to say, once this feels been plowed and is lying, well, you know, my dream is that this field will surely be left fallow, that I can cross it, without the wonders that are waiting there.

But you know, the thing is that they're waiting, and you don't have to be impatient. Be patient, don't be complacent. The stones themselves are just waiting. They know one day, some monkey ancestor will come and pick them up with their hands. They're waiting a long time for us to just evolve hands. That's how patient the stones are.

You know, the hooves could kick a few stones around, but in a haphazard way, imagine when the first hand appeared, how the stones must have felt. Excited, I think. Scared, maybe. Worried for the future. Now, I'm not, there is a sort of confusion here.

They're just throwing them back into the ditch. They don't worry nothing bad can happen in the world today. That one's going to the ditch. You know, sometimes I feel like the stones are my enemy and need to be cleared, like at the beginning. But see, a walk around the field has come. I'm angry I was at the start of this podcast about the impossibility of my job.

And now look at me. Just a short walk around the field, talking for 45 minutes about stones, has made me accept my role in this world, my place in the status of humanity. My place is the stone clearer. Some people might look down on that and think I'm beneath them,

but I look at them and think I am standing on top of a pile of stones, and I am actually better than you will ever be. For I know the meaning of this life. Not about material things. I've got loads of those in my house. It's great. It's about some stones.

And that's it. I think maybe even if you didn't collect stones, I mean, it would be crazy to walk around the field. Walk free. But maybe if you haven't got stones in your field or you haven't got a feel, maybe just if you're feeling unhappy with your life. Just walk somewhere, talk to yourself,

pretend you're on the phone. It's confusing. I've got these with earbuds. If anyone sees me, I just think I'm talking to myself, but I'm not, obviously. But I could be talking on the phone. I don't see that. None of the first time we saw someone talking on the phones with their headphones and thought they were crazy.

It was good, wasn't it? What was that about? I was because they were having headphones. But I hope you've got the bigger message there. That's what I'm saying. Started out angry, started out frustrated. Walked for a long time, picking up stones in the field.

One with the planet. I looked in nature. I looked at the trees. I looked at the stones. I was just in this bag here. I mustn't forget that. And... Yeah, I feel good. I think that's it.

I made a mistake in doing a little for granted. I was doing it every day. And now I've taken some time off and done it just once. Every now and again. I think I want to do it every day, which is not really learning the lesson that was taught me that

when you don't do it every day, you have how great it is. So if there's someone in the car here, they've got to be a little quiet. Come on, girl. How are you doing? I'm on you. Very friendly to people.

I mean, they're... They're second. They're not second. They're feckless. And second really, there's loads of kids here. They're stupid and they're simple. But they're lovely people. That's...

And I'm proud to be the best person in this village as a result of their intrinsic friendliness and stupidity. So, I think we've all learned some lessons today. I think it's been a good one. I hope you enjoyed it. I know a lot of you are climbing for this podcast. But remember, I did two in a week, didn't I?

So last week's one was done a bit early because of the snow. So, you know, relax. And if I stand still, if I'm going on a holiday or something, just do some stun film. That's all you have to do. Right, I'm coming back into the house and I don't know if anyone's in the kitchen.

I don't know if you're all right. So, thanks for listening. I hope you enjoyed the podcast. It's a shame my watch passed in. Um... But that's... I think we've proven that material things are not that important.

And that's, again, probably the lesson of my watch working. Anyway, thanks for listening. We'll see you next time on the Tone Clearing with Richard Herring. It's the Tone Clearing podcast

made by me. Bye. Right, we'll be breakfast. Come here. Breakfast time. Come on, darling. Get in there, sweetie. Good girl. No! No!

Tone Clearing with Richard Herring featured me, Richard Herring, and Wolf is the Dog. Also, the woman walking the dog in the pathway. And also, the woman he said hello at the car. She was nice. Sorry about the rude things I said. It's the character of Richard Herring. The music is by Mike Cosgrave. Thank you to The Voice of the Photones.

Michael Faheen. Bye.