Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 123

Episode Date: July 26, 2022

Chapter 123 - Thiftle Be Ye Laft One of Ye Fummer. It's 5:23pm on 26th July 2022 and the sun is burning hotter than it looks like it'll be and a dehydrated Richard Herring barely manages to clear a stone, let alone talk about it. The thiftles cheer him on his way to Fcotchland and the bramblef magically appear for to give him fuccour. If the Stone Gods will it then we will be back in the autumn for the next infinity chapters of what is still the third most successful stone clearing podcast in the world (excluding New Zealand).

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring The Wolfie is very keen to get out to the Stocean today. Super keen. Very, very, very keen. Wolfie, hold up. Today's chapter will be as easy as 1, 2, 3. Because it's chapter 1, 2, 3. It's 7, 23 on the 26th of July, 2022. And this is your last Stone Clearing podcast before the summer break where Stone Clears need a holiday as well. And I'll be heading to Scotland where there are no stones as far as I'm aware. So chapter 1, 2, 3 is a big chapter. We're nearly a quarter of the way through the intermediate chapters. And you might say, well, haven't you been on holiday all this year without any stone clearing? And I'd say, well, shut up. Do the best I can. But anyway, here we are. We're on the, we're just arriving at the Stocean. Always a risky moment to never know when you'll just chance across the stone stars.

The nettles are high. I cannot see if anyone's out here. It's all for a wolfie desperate to get to the field. And there she's done her wee. She feels a bit better than herself. And then you will. Let's go, you can go and run off. And let's see if I can find something for the alpha and omega kin. A few little pebbles. That's all there is now because I think it's so effectively. And off we go. Thethals and missiles. Where you going wolves? Whoopie! She's dashing off. Don't know where, don't know when. So a little holiday atmosphere. You know, it's the last one of term. Might not have been clear that many stones. Just have a lark and a spree. See how that goes for us. And sun's shining. Beautiful afternoon. Not too hot though. We should, we should get through so they're being too dehydrated. Well nice stone, they're just on the path that's maybe even this big of a small lodge there.

Just nearly encroaching on medium size. Into the bushes it goes where it belongs. You know, even after you've cleared a path a thousand times you'll still fight stones to you. Come on, what are you doing? What are you up to? Good girl. The sun, excuse me, I just burped. I just had some yoghurt. I don't like yoghurt any more than a regular person. I just happened to have had some. Actually clearing a couple of stones here from the shoreline is putting them a little further off. It's always worth doing that second clear just to be clear and just to make sure the stones do not get back onto the field. That is one of the big worries, lovely big stone there that's off the field. Let's put it a bit further. And you can do this kind of, oh some lovely blackberries here. Let's take a picture of those blackberries. We can come out here later, Wolfs, and get some tea for ourselves. The earth is becoming feckoned.

Can you see them? I can't see them. I'm sure they'll come up. The summer with her fruits. She doth come. The fruits of the bow are nothing compared to the fruits of the ground. It's the difference between an apple and a potato, but also more talking about stones. Playing overhead the easy jet, flying somewhere away. Who knows where they'll be going. Well, there'll be stones there that it's hard to know. They'll help her and check the manifest. And as I've said in recent stone clears, almost impossible to clear any stones because the crops are so thick. Low and thick, so it's quite hard to even glance between them.

I've just glanced between them and seen the beauty of the stone growing between them. And that's off, that's medium small. More beautiful blackberries we must come out here. The kids free food. It's growing out of the ground. It's crazy, you might think that food comes from the shops, but out here in the country. It comes, it grows on bushes and stuff, for free. Maybe a few weeks, unfortunately we might miss the best of this crop. Come on, we will not be here, but there may be blackberries in Scotland, or maybe more exotic fruit, Scottish fruit. If that's not tautology or contradiction in terms, is that what I mean?

I'm saying people in Scotland don't eat much fruit, that's what I'm saying. It's a very hilarious joke and the Scottish people love that joke. Because it's true, it's because it's because it's true. Beautiful lilac flowers growing off that bush, it's a wonderful lovely thistle. Almost like the field saying, well, goodbye Richard, you'll be off to Scotland. Maybe we'll take a picture of the thistle. Do you want to sit next to that while we take a picture of the thistle? I mean, you know, one of these will be the picture, you'll know by now.

Thistle be the, thistle be the, let's go and get one. Got one of you two together, thistle be the picture, thistle, thistle be the day, thistle be the day. Bit tight today, I was at accident emergency with my cover story of my child Ernest last night. He's fine. I think he's just got a bit of a bad tummy. The doctor could find nothing terrifyingly wrong with him, but it did take us five hours of our evening and night time to discover that. I was quite annoyed with Ernest and not being ill actually after all that waiting around. Come on, let's just say, ouch, it's been, it's been stung by a thistle ironically

and I'm sure that the Scottish thistles, the press will sting me. And Edinburgh, if you want to come along and see my show, not about stone clearing, but you can, if you tip me the wink afterwards we can discuss stones in the bar afterwards. Make mine a pint of an alcohol-free whiskey please. I'm at the assembly room for a minute, is there any point in publicising? I mean, this might lead to one ticket sale I suppose. Do I want the kind of person who listens to this podcast to be in the actual same room as me? Probably not, you're probably a good point, but I guess you'll find me one way or the other.

I'm just trudging through the wheat here. I was going to do the long walk, I'm not sure, I'm not sure now. I probably will, but it's just, there's nothing here, it's just dry, you can hear it. It's my sound of wheat. It's just picked up a stone from, again, more or less the edge of the field, but it's now further off. Let's kick one. Kicked a couple, but only just a little way, a little way off. A little bit further off than they were, that's all we can, not so far that they're off the field, higher enough off that they're off.

They have to get the edge of the field once they don't keep them into the next field, or the pathway between the fields, in this case. No sign of the stone stars, they have been embarrassingly absent recently, haven't they? They haven't had very much interaction with any human beings. It's just the man talking to himself and that happens, and that man isn't me. I'm going to put you on your lead just in case someone goes, she knows when I'm going to put the lead on that there's a chance there's other dogs. She's not stupid, but this is just a precautionary one.

Stopping to pick up a little bit of shale here, which will go on the can opposite the main can. It's completely hidden by vegetation, and it's the main part, but then a little bit more visible over here. Every day they pass, so just try to keep the can a little bit further back from the edge. Oh, there's a nice stone there. It's still recording, hard to tell. Looks like it. It's still going. There's a very big stone here.

I think it's already been cleared, but again, that's the biggest of the day. I don't know if I can really count it because there's one I've cleared before, but the path has gone so far across here that we're now in territory that I once thought was unimpeachable. Is that the word? I couldn't go on, but I'm on it now. It's like a bonnet. There's another clear. That's a beautiful clear.

You just throw stone into the vegetation and it hits stone. One day it'll be impossible not to hit stone, but it's good to know that my previous work has not come to waste. I'm really like in a forest here. The pathway is very narrow, huge grass, taller than the actual wheat. Some wild grass on my left and wheat on my right. We threw it to a trampled bit down, a trampled down bit of wheat, but that's not even any use to us either. I can't really see the stones between the trampled weeks, so it's a fruitless search.

Ironically, after all that lovely fruit we saw earlier, I'm checking my phone store recording. I don't know why I'm really worried about that, given the current standard of conversation. But we can't all be gold. Another stone clear. There it goes. Right under the trees. I'm not even sure where I am.

It's overgrown. I was going to say I've always passed the single rain tree. I just bent down to pick up a stone and something's not happened on there before. I've never just got pranked in the eye, in the open eye by a big bit of wild grass. My eye is stinging. I can still see out of it. I think we're okay. Just to watch out for that. Something to watch out for.

Even an experienced stone clear can fail to... No, it's stuff like that. It's the one that's stone-starzy on the other side of the fence. Come towards me. I've got a stone in my hand. Let me get rid of it. I've got gold. Good girl.

Ow! I'm not sure you can even see me. There's not much vegetation between us. Just to tell you that's what he's wanted, I think. There's the single rain tree. I've got one stone in my hand and there it's gone. No single rain. I have to wait until later in the year.

So I'll be back in September. Maybe late August. Up to see where they may be harvested by then. We haven't been away from the Stocian for a couple of years at this time of year. So I've managed to be here for the harvest, which is a big time, big day. Hopefully I'll be back in time. There's some nice stones here. Really just working on the path.

Oh, it's horrible out here. The conditions are awful. It's got too hot now. You can't see where you're going. Next, thistle's grass poking in the eye. If I come out of this with two eyes, I feel lucky. I've already popped one ball this last year and a half. I don't want to pop an eyeball as well.

Got a couple of stones there. Just using the pick and throw. Simple. Because we're intermediate, it doesn't mean you don't sometimes employ the most basic. A bit of a pill on my fingers there. And then I wish I had all the other stones started. It's all happening. Crossing the field.

It's almost time for the Bishop move in this game of chess. The bifurc move, sorry. And the beauty of all this crop is, of course, it's much harder for them to see what I'm doing. I could just be picking up poo here in a dog poo. My own dog's poo. I'm not weird. They've gone too fast.

Maybe they'll try and pretend that they crossed the field and ordered to turn left and come down towards me. I don't think they'll get away with that move. An arrowhead there. That could actually be an arrowhead. And they're gone. Don't think they've been in the dog. That stone started.

That's how brazen they are. If anyone would just walk across the field. And I am feeling that heat now. I didn't have a glass of water with my dinner. I've had a potato-based dinner and yogurt. Cheese, very dairy-heavy. Cheese and pig on my potato. I didn't drink anything.

I didn't realise it was going to be quite as warm out here as it is. Mines might be my last will and testament. I leave my stone field. If you find my desiccated corpse, I leave my stone field to my children when they're of age. I hope you'll continue my work. Sorry if my wife's listening. I'm sorry.

My marriage was a sham. I hope you will encourage the kids to go into their fathers' business. I think it extends its whole time. I'm not mental. That's all I've just let the kids know I wasn't mental. Still clearing even though I'm finding the conditions a bit tough. And pain in my eyes still hurts a bit. But you just have to carry on.

You could step on a nail out here. I'm wearing my daps today, so that could easily happen. Well, the evening sun, 20 to 6, you might think the sun's going to be tied out. It's not going to be quite as able to shine as it was earlier in the day. You'd be wrong. Well, it might have been even hotter earlier, but it's still very hot.

It's right in my face. Taunting me. It's a big ball of stone in our fires, it's my understanding. We're up to a quarter. It's brittle. I mean, it's worryingly dry. All these fires going on all over the country.

It feels a bit risky even walking through this stuff. But so we have to take risks. That's part of the pleasure. Right, we're on the diagonal. I'm just going to throw a few stones into the wall of vegetation between the two fields. I haven't been, I haven't transgressed into the next office field for a while, but no point because it's equally covered in crop as this one. Come on, I'll let you off the lead if you like.

Don't you want to go off the lead for it? There are no rules to something, that's rule number one, rule two, don't. You must stick to your field, don't transgress into another person's field. For right, we're heading through the diagonal. You all right, darling? Not much to report. A bit of dog poo there. A few scattered stones around the thing.

I'll pick this one up, this is tiny here. Hardly worth my effort to carry this right to the centre of the field. I'm walking, thinks it's a game. Come on, get up to me. The danger of course, the good thing about throwing a stone for the dog, it gets it nearer to the target. Bad thing, it can just bounce off the path and then get lost. This one instead, similar side, very little.

If you've got it lost, what happens to the one I threw you? Can't just give up. Let's say it was this one, it might have been this one. I don't think it was. The one we threw is gone. Sorry about that. We'll get you another day. What's that on me?

I can't help you, we don't know where you are. You bounced into the... She's running right past it. Is that it? You found it, good girl. Well done, good girl. You can have fun with your animals like this if you like. But remember, stone plough is not a game. I've got four little stones, almost enough for the stone plough.

These aren't going to the stone plough, these ones. They're stone plough-sized stones. But just because they're not really getting very much bigger, I have five and a half, five. There's a handful of stones. I've got a handful of stones to bring you. And then his other one as well. That's the biggest yet.

Got a little bird poo on it, but I'm not going to touch that bit of bird poo. That'll come off through nature. No, the danger is another dog walker comes this way. And I have to drop these stones so I can reattach my dog to the lead. That's the danger, let the dog off the lead. I thought too much of the dog's pleasure, and the dog is not here for pleasure. Ah, shit, here comes someone. Just as I worried about.

They're all quite small, so I'm going to stick them in my back pocket. I'm going to put them in my pocket. I'm going to put them in my pocket. I'm going to put them in my pocket. They're all quite small, so I'm going to stick them in my back pocket to put them in the best. Hope they don't fall out. I'm going to give the game away. Come on, good girl.

Just going to watch out. So it's the first encounter with a stone starzy for a little while. Looks to be an attractive woman or long-haired man. She's just brushing her long hair out of her face. It's a little bit flirtatious move. The long, little dog. Don't pay them for kind of feelings of desire. Let's step aside here, we'll set this up the other time.

Come here. Come here, darling. She's putting her lead on her dog now. I'm jumping down the porch with her tweet. Good girl, stay here. I've gone a bit early. Stay, darling, good girl. No problem.

Good girl, stay. Stay. Stay. Good girl. Come on. I think I've got away with the pocket full of stones. I've got a pocket full of stones to bring you. A little flirtatious there from the stone stars.

They're trying to tempt me over with a matter, Harry. But that won't work for me. I'm too interested in the stones. So these five or six stones can go on the central can now. Little ones, yep, yep. You might think you can do better. You might think you've seen bigger, but you haven't seen better.

You haven't seen better gathered. And it's beautifully hidden. There's a lot of great escape when they put the soil at the trouser legs. To have a back pocket, that's my advice to all stone piers. You can't put big stones in there or just one. But you can get six little ones in the back of a jean pocket. That's what it's there for. Why do you think they've got jean pockets in the back?

You can't put a wallet in there. Can you be stolen? You can put some stones in there. That's what Ian Wrangler and Ian Denim and Ian Lee Cooper. Isn't that what they're called? Ian Wrangler, I don't know. It's not my job to know the name of the jean's manufacturer. It's not the name of the manufacturer.

He's lying. I hope he's excited because I've picked up one more stone. She loves stones. I can't get enough of them. There's a nice flat whitey. Two stones for the five. My hand in Wolfie's mouth there. Two stones out of five.

Can we find three more in time? That's the question on everyone's lips. That's why we're listening to this podcast. I feel like there's been light on tips and light on action. We've already had a fire, of course, in the podcast, so we don't want to get repetitive. We had fires in fields before it was cool here in Hertfordshire. I think it definitely wasn't cool.

It has to be hot. Can we find one more stone? Maybe 25 metres from the endgame. Will another stone present itself? I'm passing loads, to be honest. I don't know why I haven't picked one of those up. A dog barks. I think we're going to be safe in the field.

It's a safe run at the stone pole. Four out of five last time. It'll be good to see if we can top that. There's a dog poo there. I picked up a very little stone. I'm going to start with a bold move. The nine of these are big. We're going for the second track.

There's now two tracks here. The second will be much further away. Down. Are you going through? Hi there. Which way are you going through? I'm going that way. OK.

That'll work. Come on, what's this way? Come on. Oh, well played. Well played. Stone carers, stone starsy. Just all geared up. Thought I was safe.

And absolutely fucked. My stone pole aspirations. Passing some horse food. You're not even interested. It's more interesting than those dogs. Very good work, stone starsy. Now you get neither good luck or bad luck. You get nothing.

These five stones are destined to be the greatest of stones. The worst ones that hit the stone pole or the worst stones ones that miss the stone pole. Now, they will end up on the main can. Not a bad fate, but not as good as what they could have had. In the back pocket, they're in the other back pocket. These guys have two back pockets. You have to hide the stones with your body.

If I'd gone for the other same pocket as last time, I'd have been discovered. I've got to dump these pretty fast. Because I think it's going to fall on behind me. Haven't done a poop yet. Wolves, do you want a poop? Don't shake your head. I thought you were desperate when you ran out. They were desperate to get out of the house, they're still.

Well, maybe it's good. We've probably overdone the stone clearing podcasts. The last couple of months, there's been like two or three. And I feel like all of these have hit the central can. Here's the little one. Good filler, good filler to fill in the little gaps on the main can. Right, also going to let you off the lead. See if you can do a poo before you get home.

They're heading down the final straight. Come on, let's go. Come on. Let's go. Come on. He's not rushing around. There's some pigeons trying to get them. You first did two.

So heading down the last walk down to the ditch to stop Brexit. Just a little pebble there. Called it over foot. Not much down here. Well cleared. And there weren't many stones down this path. Come on. Good girl.

I mean, I've got nothing to say to you, really. You know, why can't this detect go wrong on this one? That's the question I would ask you. Why has it gone wrong on so many brilliant ones? And then this one out perfect clarity. You know, I'm assuming if you listen to it, that's the case. We'll see. Had a few duff records, actually.

Hopefully this will be another. Wolfie's not interested in pooping. Well, that's her. That's her funeral. That's her right. Just a little tie stone here for the chips that stop Brexit. Here it goes. Shocks and wood pigeon away.

Might be a bit early, actually. Let's see if we can have another one for the ditch to stop Brexit. Hard conditions. I think you can tell there we are. That was more like the dull thud and the ditch full of stones hidden by vegetation. Just need to find something now for an omicron. Have a quick look at your emails.

And then off to Scotland. You're not straight away. Should we get back on the lead then, Damien? Good girl. They're a good little walk, aren't they? Might watch Better Call Saul tonight. We'll see. Well, I feel so excited for the episode last week in the end.

Right, out for an omicron. Achievement unlocked. And we head down Duckett's Passage. Small child getting in on the podcast. Thought it was a dog and the fence, but it's a small child. All right, Duckett's Passage. Let's have a look at your emails. This is from Holly Bach.

Holly Bach, sorry. Bach, hyphen Bach. She probably married someone. It's one, it's B-A-R-K. One is B-A-C-H. Bach, Bach. Presumably married someone called Bach. He just wanted to keep her original name in Bach Bach.

Holly, normal name. And she says, I have a rich, very sad, but you'll be heading to Scotland very soon. It's, you can tell somebody knows ancient history. It's correct name. We'll miss you. We'll all miss you, Rich. I'm sure you've already emailed inboxes

for people saying that it is Holly. But don't worry, do just stay safe up there. Watch out for the Scotch people. They're all evil. They don't eat vegetables or fruit and they're drunk all the time. Well, Holly, that's Holly's words not mine. Do come see the show if you're a Scotch.

But hopefully you'll be come back alive and be able to finish the job you've started. I think that's it. The cycle is going by. Look, I'd like to thank you, Holly Bach Bach, for listening. I never lose listening to this podcast for the last few years, 123 episodes.

It's a big landmark in any stone clearing community. One, two, three. The average number of stones, it's quite clear. On a normal player, of course. I'm standing back home. I think I got away last week with my wife not realising what was going on. I'm not even sure.

Come on, we'll sit and get some food. Enjoy your summer holidays, kids. We'll be back with more of this. The gods will be willing in the heaven above. Enjoy your summer clearing from me and all the me's on that stone. Goodbye. My friend and they for half a year marry dance.

Don't live unto the birth and truth. Don't live unto your underpants. Live unto the stone. Live unto the stone. And they, in turn, are livered to ye. My friend, my pined friend. Stone Clearing with Richard Herring, starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog,

plus that lady who passed us and also the man who stopped the stone pole happening. The music is by Mike Cobgrave. The voice of the Photones is Mike of Ahin. Have a great summer. Bye. Live unto the stone. My friend and they for half a year marry dance. Don't live unto the birth and truth.

Don't live unto your underpants. Live unto the stone. Live unto the stone. And they, in turn, are livered to ye. My friend, my pined friend. Live unto the stone.