Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 125

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Chapter 125 - No Fex Pleafe, We're Ftone Clearerf. It's after 6pm on 30th August 2022 and Richard is in repentant mood for his giddiness upon his return. There will be no titillation in this episode though (apart from the tit in titillation) and there can be strictly no self-pleasure. There are perils round every corner and an unexpected diversion. Plus maybe they first two minutes could have been edited off. But don't you want the full experience?

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plane. I think she's got it. Come on, let's wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. Back in it, back in. Come here, stay, stay. Stay. Good girl. Stay. Good girls. Come here. Good girl. Come here. Do you know what you have to do?

I'm putting your feet on you. Just have to wait. I know I'm wearing my pajama bottoms. Whoops, okay. I'm putting bins that way. Right, let's go. Whoa, let's go. Good girl. Well hello my fine friends. Welcome to Stone Clearing.

One, two, five. Just checked. I forgot what I said. We'll be, stop pulling. We'll be very keen to get to the old green field. The old green board. Yeah, one, two, five. It's recording, it's all good.

Hi there. Come on, boss. We used to. Good girl, will be. Come on. Come on, let's go. I'm just doing all that. Now I'm looking insane.

It's, this has been a great first couple of minutes. It's the 30th of July, August. July, August 2022. It's half past six. I'm wearing my pajama bottoms. I haven't worn them all day. I just had a bath and thought, you might as well, I've got pants on as well.

Just thought there's no putting some trousers on. I'm not going out anywhere. Then I remembered I had to walk the dog. You know, that's just a little look into behind the curtain into my life. And my wife just told me she walked the dog in her pajamas at lunchtime. So what can you do? Come on, come on. Good girl.

There's something for you. It means I can't really clear stones. What a shame. Come on. Good girl. I know Alpha and Omega can today. And that is one of the risks I have to take now. Let's, uh...

The gods may be angry, but I've got someone right up my arsehole now. And I don't know if they're going to get off the field, in which case we're fine. Or if they're going to follow me around. I think he's going off. So we'll just take a bit of stone off there. That's how we've done something.

Wolfie's done a wee. He's looking at me because he's a stone starzy. So he knows. He's just looking. Wonder what I'm talking to myself, maybe. Trying to work it all together. Come on. But he's leaving the field.

But he's waiting for his wife or partner. Or just partner as a... Might not be actually a real couple, of course. They could be from the stone starzy. She's somewhere up the field. So we are left just with a few kicks. No inkers, of course. We've just... I can't resist that.

Look at that wolf. Oh, just lying there. There's so many beautiful stones here. And so drama to begin with. We haven't seen many of the stone starzy for a while. And three interactions with up to three human beings and a dog in the distance. Oh, that's a nice medium.

Just inches from the path. Thrown up in the recent plowing of the... Harvesting of the crops have not been plowed yet. That's... Stone Christmas is yet to come. All bit of metal, I think. That was just kicked off. The metallic tank. Not wearing any socks today.

But I am wearing Wellington boots. Can't get a bit of chafing if you're not careful. But in the short term, that's okay. Just couldn't be asked to put on trousers or socks today. And why should I? I'm a successful businessman. I'm like Lord Sugar. And if I want to work this way, that's the way I'll work.

So they're both looking at me, really taking their time to get off the field to these people. Still looking at me from a distance. Maybe they're podcast fans trying to get in the podcast. Maybe they're planning to murder me. If so, then they missed their chance. I was close. Maybe they're just waiting for a dog to do a poo.

I don't know. I don't know what's going on in their lives. I'm here to clear stones and kick butt. And I'm all out of stones, I'm not. So, oh, I'm going to hassle off. Now, the woman is just a little head in the distance. That's how I like my head in the distance. And I've just picked up a nice brown caramel round.

More and more steak shapes. I'm not massive these two. I picked up two on this hassle haul there. It's better though. I mean, not better. It's different. No, it's not that much. Three stones.

I've got off being lured by the size, but I'm not as frisky as I was there. I apologize for the last podcast. I know had a lot of emails in about it. People saying they spontaneously orgasm during during. And that is not what this podcast is about. This podcast is about clearing stones, not emptying balls and whatever women have.

I don't know. I don't know how women ejaculate, but whatever that comes out of. Um, ovaries. It's about clearing stones. Um, so when we said no sexy talk, and I don't want perverts getting into this and just listening to get off on. Yeah, the double entendre is there, but I possibly can come up.

That's a nice little round, small shape of a small tennis ball. Like a small, really small one. Ow! It's the shape of a tennis ball. It's not the size of it. And it's a bit sort of not quite circle. Ow!

My knee's hurting a bit. That's a shame. So I bend down. I've had a few back problems. I think just from putting on a bit of weight over the summer. I've been for a run today. So, uh, maybe the joints are a little bit stiffer. And that's the problem as we get older.

And we've all got older since that first chapter. Feels like a lot longer than it is. If you listen to all of the chapters, you'll feel really old. Um, time passes slowly out here on the field. Uh, Wolfie. She's defecating. I should just wee. I'm not sure I've brought a poo back today.

Hopefully there's one in here. Oh, that could have been nasty. So now unobserved. Ow! Shit. I can take some stones. Oh, Wolfie chasing that one. There's a lovely.

Look at that. That's the biggest of the day. Not the biggest of the month. But, uh, reasonable size. Medium, medium there. And that's going on the, Ken in the corner of the field. Someone asked for photos of the kens.

They're all a bit hidden away, I have to say at the moment. And not that impressive. Even the ones that were big seem to have shrunk down a little. Of course rain has fallen on them. They've worn them away. But I think more gravity takes its effect on these kens. And of course a lot of the stones I'm clearing are going randomly into the undergrowth.

I'm creating a wall, but over a long period of time. Now that one actually, a nice medium-sized one. It's going next to another medium-sized one. I've cleared some time ago. I've had a breath. I mean, I've run four kilometers today.

It's not enough. I've got a couple of hard mountains coming up soon. I need to start upping my game a little bit. But I'm hoping to get fit over the next few months. So I have let it slide a little bit since last year, where I was pretty fit this time last year. And of course that helps with the stone clearing. And a knee going,

as it feels like this one is going to go, but only when I bend down to stone clear weirdly. That could be a disaster both for half-marathons and for stone clearing. They only have a limited time if this podcast teachers has taught you anything over these many years. So that'd be that.

For years for it to rain like snow on a heated windscreen. Maybe like ice when you're listening to iced tea. Quite hard to shift, but eventually it goes. And again these conditions, the path has gone, it's been churned up as well as the field.

So it's quite difficult walking conditions here for an old man. One man and his dog. Just clearing a couple of titlers there. They need to go two into the trees. I love throwing them into the trees there. They're hitting the roots. They're gathering by the,

what's it called, a bit of the tree trunk. Every by the bottom of the trunk. And near that wall we'll build. And as we said before, hopefully eventually top of these trees with their weight. Hopefully not falling on a human being killing, but if that happens,

that's the way it has to be. So far no other stone stars or any weird people at the beginning who wouldn't go. Another little, just eating the baked potato. This. Probably a bit too soon to come out after eating the baked potato. Got a nice medium here.

Medium small. I mean it's half the size of the one I said was medium, medium, but you know, it's still pretty big. That was a big, that was a whopper. It's going on the can, the question of the main can, which someone's put lots of twigs and stuff on right now. That's a weird development.

Let's say that we can have a picture of that. We'll try and take some pictures of the cans. Over there's something. It looks a bit weird. Can't really see any of the stones. There's some sort of witches. My big stone from last time's right there in the middle of it. I hope you can see that in the picture.

But some things are fucked. Unless someone's taking stones out of my cans again. It might be more something than last time. Or whether they're just somehow shrinking on their own, being dispersed through the play of animals and humans. This thing, stones that kicked around, stones way down, pulled towards the mother stone in the centre of it there.

More of that later in more advanced chapters. I don't want to talk about that yet. There's a lovely little sort of mini cricket ball, shaped stone, much smaller than the cricket ball. Let's see if I can get that to the side. Hopefully I'll chase it. Oh, it's bounced one bounce and into the under breath. Beautiful.

That's exactly what you want. That's exactly what you're looking for as a stone. As a stone clearance to bounce. You know that the speed's been taken off. Just bounce and nestles in the undergrowth. You know your job's done. A little bit further on, let's see what I can do with this one. I'll need a bigger throw.

Oh, Wolfie chased that and he's on the lead. Pulled me a little bit there. Can it pull my arm out? Do you want to come off, Wolfs? All right, there you go. You can chase. You can chase it. So that one didn't make it to the shore,

but it's nearer to the shore than it was, but probably much more or less like to get cleared from where it landed. Sometimes that's the irony. Sometimes you can be closer to being cleared and get much further away. And that's parable. You can take with you not just about stone clearing, but in your life generally.

Sometimes getting closer just pushes us further away. I can't see any other human beings or the dogs. I can see some crows gambling in the detritus of the crops in the distance near the can in the middle of the fields. One of the most impressive can still, actually, as you said. Well, and that's caught my eye there. We're still only halfway across the field now. It looked like it was a big clod of earth.

Is that the same hue? So I could tell. I could tell there was something going on. And it was, in fact, just a lovely, bright dark brown, like semi-circular stone the size of some bread. Imagine a quantity of bread. And that's what it both looks like and is sized as.

Very much in back towards the medium, medium. I think the one I called medium, medium, early was probably medium, medium-large, or even maybe medium-large. And this one is, again, probably half the size of it, but a good chunk of rock. Nonetheless, you'll be pleased to hear it's off the field. Well, nearly. I'll pick up a couple more as we go.

These two together, not quite as big as the first one, but still not insignificant stones. We're at the second part of the field where there's, oh, dropped one there. Remember, if you've dropped one, you have to pick it up. It fell on a little bit of tile. That tile's coming with me as well. Obviously, I wanted to make the bit of tile to come.

Those people have gone at least. I think I maybe managed one or two more of these gigantic chunks of rock that, for some reason, settled in this little bit of the field. I'm hassle-hopping off the path a little. This is when you don't want stone starsy coming at your arse. There are times when you do want that. Let's again stop masturbating. It's not what I meant.

There are times when you do want it, but this is not one of those times. We do the short walk, say, again, no stone pole. We don't know why, since it's a stone pole. Sorry, the sand quality went off on the last one. I don't know what happened there. I'm just praying and hoping to God that it doesn't happen again. I'm very irritating.

I'm just going to risk another bit. I've got my stones here. I dropped one and the tile. I can't pick that up any more of your friends if that was another call for help. I've overloaded. I think the same people coming in from the corner. They've seen me.

They're going to have to get around. I might go the other way, just to avoid. The Alpharambra and God's are going to be very cross. I didn't have time to count them. Let's, Wolfie, we're going to go the other way. Just escaped these stone starsy. I'm pretty sure there's something going on. They won't let me get the bloody lead on you, fucker.

Right, so we're heading actually back towards the stone pole. I don't think we ought to do a stone pole. I will pick up some stones as we go, just in case there's time. I think they might be caught. I've got five stones. It might have to be a very quick attempt. Come on, we're moving fast. We're going to come off the field at a non-stone point,

which will be annoying for stone clearing fans. But it's interesting to come this way, isn't it? Usually we come in the other direction when we're on this path. You know the path from this way. Come on, Wolfie. We've got Wolfie very tightly due to my five stones. I'm going to throw out the stone pole. Thought this wasn't going to happen today.

I'll just drop one of those dropping stones all over the place today, Wolfie. I'm a weak old man. How many more years of stone clearing have I got in me? Come on. I'm very worried that I've been made. I was carrying so much. I've got stone blind and stone greedy. And those people must have seen from a distance

that I was hobbling under the weight of several stones. Not yet around the corner. So, we will risk a stone pole attempt. I think we can do it. It's been very exciting. I'm going to check if I'm still recording, because I was a little beaten from my phone. It's still going, whether it's still...

I think it's still here me properly. I don't know. One out of one. Two out of two. Oh, just missed. Three out of four. Four out of five. Just absolute precision there.

Quick, but effective. It would be nice to add a couple of stones to the Dominic Cummings can. I haven't put anything on this one for a while. The can that never grows, and it's not surprising. It gets so little action these days. It used to be at the end of a path, didn't it? I think the end of the path. So, we don't usually get them.

I'm going to put four, you know, small, large stones. Then, again, no bigger than usual. Dominic rest in peace. We missed him. Now he's gone. We didn't like him while he was alive, but now he's dead. So, heading back through the trees, just to escape the oncoming stone...

Stone Starzy. That's all your stone clearing for today. I've taken out my phone just to check it's recording. Should be when we are another. What have we learned today? Stuff about throwing stones to the shore. Stuff about aging. Gather stones while you may, my friends.

You may think, oh, I've got 20 or 30 years to go, but how efficient will your body be as those years pass by after the humping of stones takes its toll on your pathetic puny bones? And, yeah, I guess there are no rules to stone clearing. That's the first rule of stone clearing. Stone clearing is not a place for sexual thoughts or liaisons, at least with other organic life forms.

And if you, in the privacy at the end of a hard stone clear, if you want to get your pent-up frustration out on stones, that is okay. It adds an additional coat of protection to them. It's an extra minerals on them. Whether it's a male or a female, or it's where it is, I've never encountered that. So, whoopie!

What are you up to? So, I would like to apologise. I've had a few emails in. Swing garden shed. Swing garden shed's been in touch. I listened and discussed the disgusting stuff. You said this week's podcast, that's the last week's podcast. And I was disgusted at stone clearing.

I don't listen to stone-clicking to hear a man discussing the firmness of erections. Whoopie! I listened to hear a man discussing the firmness of stones. But not in any way connected with penises or vaginas, whatever. If they go hard, I don't know if they do. Swing.

Swing garden shed. You are so naive. I've apologised. I've apologised before I read this email. I could read a thousand emails like that. There's been just emails coming in after that, but there's always been a bit. Thousands of listeners all around the world.

To whom I'm a god. And so that's why when I do slip up, I apologise when I make a mistake. Chimney pot. Hydrangea's been in touch. I like the disgusting stuff. I enjoy making my winky bit of funny. And I rubbed it on that.

There's no rules to being listened to this day. You can listen to however you want, but you're not allowed to use it. That's the basic purpose. Please, please stop doing so. We're coming in to the house from a different area than usual. They're on their own way.

But I think we fox those stone starsy, who are probably still waiting for me to come. They're probably always just putting some stones on there. We'll get him when he comes round the corner. No, back up. I'm approaching my house. And it's been a success all across the country, full of some interesting information,

some good stones gathered. And sometimes with these, as much as you want to learn, you also wish just to hear a master of the craft at work. And to, when we get to Bumper Harvest, like we have right now, you just want to hear a man clearing the stones, don't you? Okay, let's just check through some emails.

I've signed post bin. It's been in touch. To say, I just, you know, I'm just getting worried now. I'll just sit next to them. Don't worry about giving us tips all the time. I just like hearing you clear the stones and describing what they are like

to look at relative size and shape, even if it's sometimes hard to distinguish what that means. So just do that. Right, moves, coming. That's how I would just do that. Thanks. I'll sign post them out on this one. I shouldn't just be able to read the email to find them.

Right, well, I'm going to go back to my home drum right. Can't all be as exciting as what I've just been doing with. Okay, the dog fed, get the kids to bed, get the wife, it's actually satisfied. Probably got some tally. Thanks for listening. Love you all. Don't listen to the bird fan tree.

Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stone. Listen to the stone. And they in turn, I'll listen to you. Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Start me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog. Plus a couple of my neighbours and that weird couple and then maybe it was the same one at the end, I don't know.

The music is by Mike Coff. Grave, the voice of the tones is Mike Coff. Heen. Don't listen to the bird fan tree. Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stone. Listen to the stone. And they in turn, I'll listen to you.

Listen to the stone. And they in turn, I'll listen to you. My friend, my fine friend.