Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 128

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Chapter 128 - Brick and China. It's 8:30am on 1st November 2022 and Rich is back to getting fit and back out on the Stocean. There are some hints of the hard level chapters to come, the echelons of stone Heaven and the problems of the periphery. Plus are stones gendered and which ones can you have sex with without being branded a pervert. Rich has a brush with the common man, who he knows respects him and there's some satisfying stream of consciousness as well as a stream of wee. Warning this podcast includes uncensored urination and flagrant Stone Clearing rule breaking.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Oh la la! Oh la la la la! Come on Wolfs! Good girl! Good girl! Come on! Good girl! Who's a good girl? Welcome to Stone Clearing Chapter 128. It's the 1st of November. Remember, remember? It's the 1st of November. 8.30am. There's a big toadstool at the entrance to darkness passage. That's the sign that November have come. November, if the time, for the stone clearing to get furious.

Sorry there wasn't a September, sorry October stone clear. Don't know what happened there. Well, I was on holiday for some of it. Don't worry, I cleared some stones on holiday. And I think things just got a bit fizzy, work wise. Sorry about that, this is my only real job. It's a shame when the cover jobs sometimes take over. But it should be back to almost weekly stone clearing now with a bit of luck. Because I know, you know, just my email thing inbox, just full of emails. Where's stone clearing? What's happened to stone clearing? How come there's no stone clearing? I can't tell you the number. It's a countless number of emails I've had like that. Certainly if you lived in a time before the number zero was invented, which some of you probably do, that's a bit time travel nature in this good cast. Here we are.

The crop is, looks like grass, who knows what it could be. It's quite impressive already. And three stones nicely, let's make it, let's make it five, just in a couple of night ones, onto the Alphorn number again, just to make up for lost time. It's a bit of a breeze. It's a cold breeze. We're not freezing. The sun is behind the clouds shining through like God, looking down on us with the right with the torch. There's a little spot of blue above me, in the sky, you know, just a spot that's a, well, quite a large bit. I'd say, you know, maybe a 12th of the sky is blue. Most of it is clouded. The field is green. The solution is the green of a grass or similar crop. Wolfie's doing a wee. All is right with the world. There's a bit of brown at the edge of the station, and that's where I'll be concentrating my efforts today. And there's plenty of photons out here to clear, and I've cleared quite a few.

Glorious to be back. I'm back on a health kick because, you know, if you're not at peak thickness of the stone clear, what happens is you end up not doing a podcast for a while. You're too tired to get out there and really do the work properly. There's a lot of bending, some kicking, picking up. You need to be at peak fitness. Luckily, stone clearing is the best workout you can get. So I'm never far from peak fitness because this is like going for 10 hours at the gym in every 30 minutes. I've exercised here. Nice knobbler. A knobbler going off there. A couple of little ones. What's growing into quite an impressive can on the edge by a gate there. There's also a nice can growing under this tree. Oh, a little bit of blue China there.

You know that blue and white patterned China. Tiny little bit I'm taking off just out of. I used to do archaeology in my garden. I used to find loads of stuff like that. Back in the day, there was a lot of blue and white plates, and someone liked to go and smash them in unusual locations. That's all I know. Fields, baths, gardens. Have you just done a poo? I can't smell anything. There must have been a wee. I can't see anything there. And it's off the field in any case, even if it was a poo. But I don't think it was for Wolfie Poof and she did disappear into a bush.

She made a poo in a bush. A couple of nice stones here. Get those off one. Smooth. This is the duality of stones really. One smooth. You could massage yourself with that and get it hot and cold. Put it on your back. It could be delightful. The other craggy. It's like an elephant's trunk there. I'm a bit distracted by. I'll get rid of these two stones before I discuss the duality. What the hell is this thing? It's a root. It's a root vegetable. Those things haven't been here for five years. Where did that come from? It's half a bit of root vegetable. I'm sure it wasn't root vegetables here this year.

It's strange. It looks fresh. Someone's coming here chucking old plates away, throwing on bits of root vegetables they don't want. I can't see any stone stars around. The rain is starting to fall. It's been a wet day. A wet Halloween. It's all Saints' Day today. That stone may have rolled down into the garden. A kick here. Just doing a little kick. Getting off some loose shale. The blue sky now down to, I'd say, 25th of the sky and brooding clouds. Some of those clouds, the God's torch, is mainly turned off. I can see a little light of God behind the clouds. The clouds are starting to spit at me.

They're saying, where have you been? Where's the stone clearing been? What's going on? We'll be now pooing, I think, nicely in the undergrowth. That's no harm, no foul to anyone. It gives me a chance to clear a few of these stones. Really getting nowhere in terms of, you think, this edge of the field by now. How many years is it? Four years? I don't know how many years it is, but I think it was about this time of year. Maybe earlier than I started, you can look back and find it yourself and look, you know, what Google's for. Stop fucking hassling me. A bit of brick there. A bit of old looking brick. As good as the brick I found on the other field that I've now kept.

It's an evento of the 1700s. It came from me. It's on my window ledge in my kitchen. My wife's not very happy about it. I'll move it upstairs eventually. And one day, hopefully, I will be beaten to death with it. That's my plan. So onwards we go. I didn't see the dog poo, but I assume she did. She scrambled around. And I'm just kicking out. There's a potato shaped and sized. Can you imagine the size of a potato? Not that big, but smaller than one you can imagine. If it was a bit whiter than most potatoes, there's some potatoes are white.

But just imagine one of the white ones. You've just imagined the stone man kicked into touch. Only just briefly it's touched. There's a danger it could roll back. I like to live with a little jeopardy with stone clearing. One of the hardest things about stone clearing is making sure your stones remain forever off the field while still being on the perimeter of the field. This is one of the things that probably you covered when we get onto the hard level stone clearing in about 70 chapters time, 72 chapters time. We'll talk about that then. Teeing you up. That sounds like too much for you. Stop at less than 199. Oh, I'm just picking up. There's a massive stone here just in the past. How have I not swiped that one before? I had to give it a bit of a kick to get it out.

You know, it's medium, medium, but bigger than you'd expect. The stones, they do keep growing, but that is the way of the photon. And this is going on the pen in the corner of the field that isn't quite in the corner of the field. But just looking quite nice. You can hear from the sound there, the satisfying clunk. The door as well. What's that? Oh, it's a leaf. Is that a stone? A green stone? Oh, no, it's a leaf. So as I say, do keep fit. I know a lot of you sit at home just listening to me stone clearing, thinking that gives you the same level of fitness that I'm achieving. It's about probably 80%. Probably on 80% of what I'm achieving by sitting at home.

Eating crisps. But if there's anything you can do to start that fitness, it'll be good for you in the long run. The longer you can stay alive, the more stones you can clear. And that is our purpose on this earth. Some people think kindness to others is the key. Some people think praying to God is the key. That's part of it. You get the right God. But the key is how many stones are clear when you get the stone gates of stone heaven? Saint Peter, the rock on which I built my church will be there. And he will say, how many stones did you clear? Don't keep a record of it. You just have to be honest. If it's under 10,000, we go to hell if it's. Then there's varying layers of heaven. The more you've done. You could just say a million, but how bad would you feel if you were in super stone heaven? And I was there looking all smug and you thinking, I didn't even clear one stone. And I shouldn't be here.

I should be in stone hell suffering, being pummeled with stones, rather than rubbing my genitals against smooth stones like I am now. It's all worked out in the stone bowl again. That's something we'll get on to after chapter 200. The various levels. I'll take the long way around today. I need to walk. So we're at the can opposite the main can. You would hardly see it's there. So covered in... I'm just going to kick a bit further. Oh, that's gone a bit too further than I wanted to. Just rearrange that one. I'll add a one stone to it because it's always sad when a can gets passed with no addition. Added two actually. Cheeky. The crops coming right up to the border here. So having to walk on crops, but I think the farm's very cheeky planting on this close to their hedge. So they get what they deserve. We're coming up to the singing ringing tree, of course. The Roman villa will be close.

I really need a wee... I'm trying to drink three litres of water a day. I've had some coffee and some water and a pint of water. And, you know, athletic greens actually. I start drinking those after advertising them on my other podcast. It's just very persuasive that advertising I do. Sometimes it even persuades me. I'll show you quite a bit of this in my advertising on. On the podcast there. That's what I was thinking about. So I'm with Trudge. That's tough to say. Not surprising I guess. There aren't any stones. That's probably one there, but I'm not going all the way over there for it. I have my limits. Wolfie's looking in the hedge. Wolf, come on. No stone starsy. No one about at all.

It's a bit clearer stone. We'll move a bit closer to the edge. Oh, there's a bit of brick. A nice bit of brick from the Roman villa there. Not as nice as the other brick I've got. I'll take a picture of that. I'll take a picture of my other brick on my window ledge for the picture so you can have a look at it. That's that sorted. Let's just check the tape's still running. There it is. The tape's still running there, Wolfs. That's a good duckie. Good girl. Coming up to the singing ringing tree. Funny you didn't want to see any stones. Look at the elves and the pixie folks, but here's one. Oh, there's another one. There's loads actually. That's a nice ball.

A couple of, again, smooth. If you want to rub one against your genitals, I'd recommend these smooth ones. For me, some of you like the spiky ones. Not me. It's not my taste. The two nice ball-sized ball-shaped stones. One was a bit of an oblong. It's not an oblong, but a circular oblong. Whatever that is. It's for a three-dimensional circle, an oblong, you know what I'm talking about. It's like a ball that's been splashed in the middle, so it's like a sausage. A sausage! It's like a sausage. It's like a bit really thick sausage though. It's more like a ball. They're both gone, but no elves have come out. There are quite a lot of leaves on the ground.

This is a distracting time of year. It's nice to see the internment weather has returned though. It was a bit weird having barmy days in October, at the end of October. But Julia Hartley-Dewer insists that's just weather, and that's good enough for me. Whatever that woman says, I'm on board with. It's weather, isn't it? You know, weather caused by human activity, but that's fine. When we can control the weather, we control the earth. We truly are the kings of earth to me. And anyway, I don't care if I die because I'm going to stone heaven top level. Top tier.

Neither we. Ah, no one around. I don't know when you're listening, but I might have a wee. Don't listen to this bit. Or if you're interested to see what's happening. Don't listen to me wean. Just fatter a little bit. There's no way I can evit this out. I don't think you're making much of a sound. I can hear a little drizzle there.

Impressive wee. It's nice golden. Actually, the sort of... Because I've drunk a lot of water, it's quite so. Like a diamond or something. A diamond, sort of slightly tainted diamond color. I'm weeing on a stone, which is... It was accidental, but that is, of course, a good thing to do. The minerals. Where are you? Stop looking at my wee.

The minerals. Oh, I did too. A little bit of seepage there. I went back in. Luckily, I'm wearing pants from yesterday. Sometimes, if you do the old commando, pulling the pants down, you get a little droplet from my age. There might be too much information, but I just wanted to explain why I went, ooh. Just a little droplet into the pant. That's what the pant is there for.

I'll be changing my pant within the next three or four days. So, it's fine. And the next field looking very brown and inviting. Mine is so green, there's nothing growing yet on the next field. The field I kind of wish I'd done. But once you've started a field, you have to finish it before you can move on to the next one. There are no rules to stone clearing. That is actually the first rule. Second rule. Once you've started a field, you must finish that field

before you can see the clearing stones from another field. That's a rule that I have occasionally broken. But I'm only human. We'll count against me those stones. It's like the crystal maze. The stones you clear from the wrong fields will be taken off. The stones you cleared from your own fields. They're the silver tokens versus the gold tokens. And I think I'm still on course for the mill.

It's necessary. Imagine you've got 99999 because you'd cleared a stone from another field. Well, there's a nice one. That's not one you'd want to rub against your genitals, Wolfie, but not unless you're a stone pervert. Which I am not. The smooth stones. Smooth, feminine stones, not the hard.

Well, they're all quite hard. Not the jiff, they're kind of craggy. Is it masculine to cut things with shut-up edges? I guess it is. Because women are soft. But let's not gender the stones. Let's not get into that old-fashioned way of looking at stones. Oh, that's another beaut.

That's the best one of the day. If you're going beside that one, it has smooth bits and craggy bits, which proves my point. Gender is fluid. It was a nice size and it's off the field now. Away from perverts, stone perverts. Well, they can whee on it itself quite easily if I just did. But that wasn't an act of reversion, it was an act of kindness.

Oh, there's some dogs pooping out by the can across in the middle of the field. I'm going to put Wolfie on the lead. A bit white. Maybe dalmatians would have looked mainly white. No human with the mother, there's a human coming up behind her. I might have to go the wrong way around today, Wolfie. You might have to avoid a huge something. They look from this distance.

They look more that sort of size of horses than dogs at this. I think their owner is a fear of me. He's turned. Or she. Or they. Taking those white dogs of doom. Well, it's another one, an even bigger one with a bit of brown on it. They're not dalmatians.

They're like gigantic beagles. And they've returned. They've seen us and turned around. And that's the kind of respect and fear that I expect to engender. Wow! Some way from the edge here, just thrown quite close to the field. That was gone almost into next door field. I saw a which is finger, a which is dick here.

I've got a few boxes left. I do send those out as a prize to monthly badges. The competition, so you can still get a which is finger, which is dick. If I can find them, I can't see the one I saw. There's only a tiny one. The one I've just sent out for this month's prize, or I've just boxed up for this month's prize is extraordinary. I hope one of you will win it.

It's the biggest one I've ever sent out. I don't know if it's a dick or a finger. That's the whole point. It's impressive. Anyway, we can't find it. It's gone. It disappeared with a flash of magic. But here's two more stones going off the field.

Into the border wall. Stop tempting me to go look at that one. Let's just have a look in the next few years, just for the fun of it. Because it's all churned up. I mean, that's what I wanted to happen to my field. What in the hand of my field this time? Rules are made to be broken, my friends, and I kind of feel if you put these stones on the border wall

of your own field, then that's less bad than it could be then. Look at that, baby. Look at that. I haven't got stones like this on half field, wolves. Look at that one. Just right on the edge, like, oh, another stone starts. Anyway, the one that's over there. I think the one that caught my attention is out here.

I'm getting to the bottom of this muddy field. There's a huge bugger out here. It's windy in this field. I'm not surprised. The wind excited by the size of these gunheads. Try a section. I mean, I'm just having to walk by so many, and it's... That's two off my total, wolves.

Two off my total when I come to heaven, but with God, I'll just turn to St. Peter and I'll say it was worth it. It was fucking worth it, you stony prick. That's what I say to him. Just hope he doesn't listen to this podcast. So, look, just check. We're still recording. Don't want to miss this goal.

Hope it's not just recording in my pocket. Because this is gold. This is gold. All right. Oh, there's another star. And the punishments come from the gods. A flat-capped man is walking towards me with... And yet I can just see the tail of the dog over the brow of the hill.

It's a small dog, but it is going to stop us clearing any stones on our own field as we approach the center, at least. Two dogs. Three dogs. Actually, he's got... He is not afraid. I don't think will he turn? He's turning.

He's turning. He's looking up to the side. He's scared. He's carrying straight on. Bravery from the bishop move here across the field. Stone stars, he's willing to sacrifice a bishop for me. I'm the queen. You know, I'd say I was the king, but that can't be as well as I am moving.

And now, as I said, gender is a fluid thing. Happy to embrace my female side. I'll see myself more as a god. A living god. And what's going on here? Oh, my watch is losing power. Let's just check that hasn't affected... I thought it was falling off its perch.

Hit the hand. That's annoying. Two little doggies here. And I'm having sunglasses. I don't know if the sun is hidden. Trying to remain in Coognito. You want to be friends? That was a good girl.

That's a little dog, Wolfie. Come on, you've struggled with my hand. You're brave. I'll give you that little face up between my dog and a tiny little fluffy dog. My dog. It was good. You were good, weren't you, Wolfie? Good girl. Very much so.

He looked like Kotli Wanker, wasn't he? Maybe it was Kotli Wanker from off of his. He seemed like a nice man. I'm not sure if it was the Stone Starzy. I don't think the working man would join the Stone Starzy. I hope not, though. We're going to look at the Tory party at the moment. You start to wonder when people are told that stones are coming over here.

Stealing our jobs. They are in some cases like if you grind flour. Stones can do that better than you. Or if you... You know what? On aggregate for a road. I expect that's what it's for. My hair's getting in my face.

We're going to do the stone pole for the first time in ages. That's good news, isn't it? It's a slightly longer walk. Look at that. I can't leave that one there. It's like a brain stem of a human being. I'm at Stone Starzy in the distance. I think you're ridden that guy.

Company Wanker. Someone sent to support me. Just say, hey, we the working men of Britain. We drive cabs and we drive white vans. That's all we do. We support your rich. you know we respect you look your job it's different than ours that's uh it's a proper old school job isn't it clearing stones right those have gone on

central cam so i'm glad about that i'm keeping on heading down to the old oak tree so where legend has it king charles the second hidden this tree just for a laugh wasn't being chased by anyone there's some nice there's a nice smooth one and let's take a male and a female again sorry i'm stuck in my old wave let's take a smooth and a sharp two both but roughly the same size we'll see who wins the stone pole competition and imagine the smooth feminine stone will be more used to me oh and there's there's a mixture there i'm aphrodite um i know i think most sons are a bit sharp aren't they wishing that hair on my face was

down the hill we wander with five stones in our hand ready for the ultimate challenge the test of every man and woman that it's an old we come to do the stone pole we come to win or lose we come to throw stones at an object that isn't too far away and that is how we choose to live our lives that's the uh that's actually from the 19th century you'll see it wasn't quite as flowery in its language it was sort of written as a mock medieval thing but there you can tell from you can just tell kind of listen to and it's not the genuine article but it's still a now it's an archaic thing itself and that's the beauty of time it's something that attempts to be old but isn't uh that's

well one day actually be old itself and perhaps be able to fool people from a distance that wouldn't have fooled close up haven't fooled me it takes more than that to call me i can tell uh real traditional poem or song from just one that's been made up by somebody on the spur of the moment the branch lies in the field just fallen in the winds not the big one it's wobbling thinks it's important but in the hundred years time where will that branch be nowhere where will these stones i'm holding be they'll be by the stone pole hopefully having all hit the stone pole we're coming up to it now there's no one around let's check behind me that's the oldest trick in the book fool fee i'm getting in my way my friend all right it's a big sharp one to start with

and it's missed so big sharp one and it's missed the mixture before it's hit a maphrodite hit two out of four can the female stone win it for us of course it can on at least two out of five showing women are just as bad as men and a maphrodite are the best and for another one probably there's probably no less in here now the kick oh so watch out whoops we just jumped in the way there as i was kicking got a little bit of a nudge but it was only a light kick right we're heading back towards the main can the can catch a vowel we've had a fun time it's been nice to be back

you know i think the problem the last month was i've just been so tired and today i feel even though i was working early my son he thought this his clock was saying 6 30 when he said 5 30 that's right i've been up since 5 30 i've done a decent sleep on the eric sleep is as important or sleep as it's called by us stones is as important an attribute as the strongest fingers in christendom here she have a good sleep you can get out here on the field not only clear some good stones but also hopefully win some converts with you open and honest talk about stone clearing and weeing enjoyed that pick please if you enjoyed that sexually please

report yourself to a police station it's inappropriate you did not have my consent oh and the rain i can see it there's one of those rains where you can see the rain pelleting down in the distance and that rain is coming towards me and getting harder as you can probably hear from the from the pitter patter on my north face jacket north face when you're faced with some rain yeah this will help it's on the path again a nice medium stone which i'll put it up onto the i think the center of the main can oh no i'm gonna put it on the edge it said the edge it wants to form new frontiers uh we're gonna head down the hill to the ditch that stopped brexit it's the ditch that is currently preventing nuclear war which is good of it so far

so good did we even do a stone clear during the rain level is stress that's what happens if you don't i think we must have but uh she really only got going once the queen was in the ground and uh you know that makes her premiership even shorter i would say don't you think get a couple of weeks doing nothing at the start and that's what you get if you cross me richie sunak old richie he's uh he's already made clear to me he wants the stone injury every day and he respects the ditch and as long as he remains as good as he is and doesn't pinpoint the terrible home secretary or anything i will be supporting him my prime minister by king yeah well get him wet on me wolf he tangled up he's tangled me up

nearly had a fall this morning in the toilet came worrying i'm 55 years old and all stumbled on the step i was holding my computer and uh cared more for my computer than my own safety rescued that and nearly came cropper as i was like managed to just come in and balance again maintain that core there's nothing better for your core than doing clearing stones that's why my core is so big and round that solid muscle all the way around there and then the ditch that stopped brexit the ditch that stopped me from war the ditch that supports richie sunak good british boy

old richie it's been fed ah the stone there is right under some poo that is disrespectful the poo on a stone don't know how anyone could allow their dog to do such an awful just release waste onto a stone like that awful uh all right don't want to suck up to the afternoon i would care too much i've got a couple of small stones one's a tiny one to put on and here we are duck its passage again once again my friends like the circle of life we arrive back where we left that's what happens in life and head back to duck its passage back to the 21st century oh god my mummy tree district

goes away anyway let's have a quick look at your emails if i can work between all the ones saying where's stonkering where's stonkering that's from uh compost mulch uh vent Harrison he's been in touch to say where's stonkling well it's back there's your answer look at stupid upskins don't you and um berry holly berry nick berry's wife she wasn't called holly berry when she was born she married nick berry she's called holly um twig she says hey rich missing stonkling hope you're back soon but i appreciate you're doing an amazing thing for us and i'm not complaining i just let me know how much i miss it you know you're busy man you probably have better things to do thanks holly a bit of respect from

where's stonkling whatever is fence harrison or whatever it is called because it just looks back through the email list um i'm not very happy with nick berry people take a look out of me because of my my net new name because you and i you'd like to get together and marry me and then i can be holly heron because of your normal height yeah wow um that that took a turn i'm sorry to i mean i've got to leave it in the podcast it might create rictions rictions indeed in the marriage of the of the berries but uh i can't lie to you if someone sends that email i will read it out i'm very happy married in my sham marriage behind my son too and i think it's a bit weird if it was that you would have that and just jump

from the stuffing off it if you haven't done that let me email back let me know you've had with the stuffing off it without getting married and we'll then we can talk but uh i wouldn't do that because i'm very happy now so as i said um so sorry it took a bit of a turn at the end it's been quite a respectful beautiful podcast it's all wet there the box is outside all wet from the rain at least it means my dog cake doesn't scream um we're home so uh that was i'm gonna have to tell you down my fan friend and dump dumpy dog just take remains for me to take a photo of a brick and then all all will be done thanks for listening my fan friends see you again enjoy us from me and all the stones enjoy your stone clearing

live live my friend and they've been here married dance don't live and

don't live your under live stone live the stone

and they in turn live my friend my friend friend stone clearing with richie herring star me richie herring and wolfie the dog plus cockney wanker and a couple of people in the distance and some rain the music is by mike coffgrave the voice of the photons is my called faheen

live my friend and they marry don't live and don't

live live the stone live stone and they in turn

live my friend my friend my friend