Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 131

Episode Date: December 17, 2022

Chapter 131 Berocca Wee - It's about 8.45am on 17th December 2022 and the snow lies deep and crisp and even. Which makes stone clearing pretty tricky. So welcome to an early Pro edition of the podcast where Rich shows what you have to do to clear in these conditions. And a miracle doth come to paff that fhall prove the exiftence of the Ftone Godf thif Chriftmaf. Plus an advance that will change the course of science. Happy Stone Christmas to ye all and to all a good stone.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring I've left my gloves inside. Let's go back and get them. There we go, it was that simple. Well, hello. Oh, gosh. Watch out, Wolfs. Watch out, Slippy. Oops, it's not running right. Welcome to Ch- Wolfy! Don't just run in the road. What's wrong with you? Welcome to- Come here, there's a car coming. You're lucky to be alive.

Welcome to Chapter 131, Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. It's 8.43 on the 17th of December. I'm hoping this is working. Having good problems with the old headphones. It's a wintery day, my friends. This is really a chapter that possibly should be for all of the pros, rather than all the shits and this and that, rather than the intermediates. We are going to Stone Clearing in the snow. This is the toughest of conditions for any Stone Cleaver. Remember in the past, those Stone Cleavers would have been

nude as well. I'm wearing my lovely jacket North Face. It's the acceptable face of fascism. I can hear the snow trudging underfoot there. It's still going. It seems to be. We'll take the chance. Very tricky additions for Stone Clearing. We're just walking up Lucky's Passage. The ground is frozen. It has been for five long days. There's a bush retrieved. There's snow still on these.

There's a holly bush there. Very Christmasy, maybe we should take a photo of that. Christmasiness of that. The holly and the ivy. They're both full grown of all the trees. That are in the woods. The holly bears the crown. I mentioned the ivy, if you're just going to fucking diss it like that. A truck has driven across this field as well.

Very mysterious. It's pretty snowy out here. This is a problem. They still can't let you go. This is a problem for the Stone Cleaver. How do I get a stone to the upper and on my omega-ken? I'm going to dig a little bit through the snow so I can find anything. There's no way I can really clear stones due to the ground being covered. The only weapon you have in conditions like this is your own bodily effluent.

Which is warm and can be used to melt the snow. I just did a weedish work. I might have another one in the chamber. It might be difficult to clear stones, but that's why we're doing this today. That's why we've come out today. The sun is low in the sky. This guy is clear. The moon is up as well. What in the day? What's going on? It's a little sliver of taunting me. The biggest stone. This is close to earth anyway.

One day I'll get you. Wolfie kindly pooping on the snow. I'll try and melt some of it. That hasn't really worked. I'll keep it another way. Looks like we may be in for a thaw soon, by which I mean the ice will melt, not a norse god. We're up here. Sorry, it's Christmas and it nearly is week's Christmas.

Just a little bit of levity there. We don't really like jokes out here. It's dangerous to joke in a situation like this, where so much depends on every action, but occasionally a little joke is fine, I think. But do remember to limit humour as much as possible when standing here. That's not what this is about. So far I haven't seen a single stone.

All I can see is snow. I could clear some of that, but although it's made of hydrogen and oxygen, it does not constitute a stone. That is the science bit. Maybe things will melt today. I hope so. Not only are the waterbites blocked to upstairs in my house. The bath still works weirdly upstairs, but everything else is blocked.

Today the central heating broke down, which is a sort of annual event in the Herring household. We had a brand new boiler put in when we moved in, but it's been nothing but trouble. I think on this case it might be to do with the cold rather than the boiler. So it's cold out here, but it's pretty cold in our house as well. So it's nice to get out and unwrapped up nice and warm. I haven't seen a single stone yet. This may be the first stone clearing chapter without a single stone cleared.

We will see. I mean, if a man goes stone clearing and doesn't clear a stone, can it be called a stone clearing podcast or is it just a walking in the snow podcast? It's hard to know. What's this? Two little tiny pebbles the size of a sort of big foot fingernail. A small big foot. I mean, one of them is actually about the size of my thumb fingernail.

My thumbnail, I think you'd call it. I've cleared two stones. My friends, they were just peeking through the snow. They were stuck to the ground. I had to take my glove off to get them off. I didn't need to be pushed, pulled away from the clamp, the earth's vagina. I'd clamped them in. And so it can be called a stone clearing podcast.

Oh, there's another one. I don't think I'm going to get that one up. That's a biggie. So a few little sprigs of stone pointing through the snow. It's sort of like a symbol of hope. It's a bit like the Christmas story itself. Everything seems desolate and wrong. But still a few stones appear in the footprints of those that have gone before.

Which isn't too many people. The path is quite well trod. There's a child that's been through here, I can see. Someone's walked quite a way out into the field there. Someone's crossed the field, taken off the whole corner. Excuse me. We did have a breakdown for a second. So I'm just checking.

We're still working. We're still going. Why has he mentioned the IV in that song? Only to then ignore it. I mean, the holiday is a great tree. Well, I'd say it's a bush. What's going on? Right.

I'm slightly house-offing, but it doesn't really matter. The crops are protected by snow. It's eerily quiet out here. Oh, the moon's moved right across the sky. It was way over there a minute ago. How did this happen? I mean, I've moved, but that is weird. Literally, the moon was over there.

And now it's moved. I mean, I know the moon moves around there, but not that quick. And I thought it was going the other way around, not this way round. It's closer to the Earth. There's a big pole that's beautiful out here, actually. The blue sky is incredibly blue.

There's a sudden it was all completely blue. Have I just fallen asleep and woke up again? It was entirely blue sky a second ago. And now there's like this shaft of clouds, like an arrow, like a penis. So it doesn't look like a giant penis right across the center of the sky, in the distance, another.

And the moon has moved right across. It was over there. Now it's over here. The sun is still in the same place. That is weird. There's some weird things going on. I think if I died, maybe I'm dead. Then this is heaven.

I will hell. Surely it would be hell. Wolves! Come here. That's why the stone's starting. Come here. Good girl. Come here.

Just on the pathway, sneaky. I could have heard everything I was saying, luckily. It was just me talking about the moon moving around. So I didn't look too mad. I just spat on the floor. That created a small... ...meltage. I mean, I know you've tuned in to hear some stones being cleared.

And you know, the two stones have been cleared. Two very small stones have been cleared. But I hope you're not disappointed. This is... You know, the stone clear is in some countries in the north and the far south. Well, this is their permanent state. They have to clear stones. That's why Eskimos dig holes in the ice.

They're not fishing for fish. Well, God knows what's going on in the sky. It's now behind another bank of cloud that sort of appeared from nowhere. What? What's going on, Wolfie? Wolfie's slipping out some stones. Unsuccessfully. Right, not that way, darling.

We're going to go the long way around. Just I'm determined to find some stones, whatever it takes. If it came in, then I could have got my thermal socks on. Something not available to the medieval stone clearers who would have been out here unshot. Perhaps a little flap of cloth across their loins. Wolfie's got a snowy nose. There's so many photos I'd like to take, but the last one did make the recording stop. On we go, Wolfie.

If you do want to try and clear stone, that's so snow. You can kick it. Maybe that's something you should be doing when you're going around and feeling like this. Every bit of snow you can kick off, which I'm doing now, is one step closer to being able to see the stones on the next stone clear. Often we're thinking ahead with stone clearing. Sometimes the conditions are not favorable at that moment. But do everything you can.

And then I'm kicking it, but it's just sort of going up in the air and coming back to more or less where it was. Remember, of course, you can be trailed in the snow. If you suspect stones are in the vicinity, be careful. Try and step in other people's footsteps. Some kind of animal's been through here, probably a dog, maybe a deer. And I'm stepping in that dog's footprints. And anyone tracking me will have quite a difficulty finding me now. Even though my shoes are much bigger than the footprints I'm walking in,

and the blistering and creating new footprints are. But look, I've just gone in someone else's welly. It's going the other direction. So that should put off any stone. Just go, where did he go? He disappeared. You have to think of things like this. This is what you have to think about.

On days like these. Who remembers days like these? Does it come? It's written by the guys who did a peak show. I think it's written by the guy who does succession. There you go. They kept moving around the schedules to give the other shows a chance. Remember it.

Well, it's so quiet. I've got headphones on. Oh, my headphones are annoying. Every time they disconnect, I have to forget them. Every time I try to put them on again, I have to forget them and then re-establish them. It's extremely annoying. Anyone has any hints on that?

I probably won't be listening to this one if you're technological. I've got a wee in the chamber. I think the cold. When you're my age, you can do a wee just before you've come out. And then the cold gets to your bladder. Two morning coffees pushing away Baraka. Oh, that could be interesting to do a Baraka wee in the snow.

But I have to use that power carefully because there's probably only one shot. And I have to find a place where I think there might be a stone underneath. We on it. There's all that stone out, again, THAW. And also, I have to make sure I'm not seen by that lady walking the dog nearby. She might see my winky and all kinds of trouble. Good couple of nuts for Christmas as well. It's the last thing we celebrities want.

Yes, you've heard me. All right, come with us. There's another stone starzy. That's two in this one walk. It's picking up. They love the snow. They love to track. They love to look at the stones all covered up.

And I'm able to be clear to a couple of little fishers. Oh, look at that. There's an island of fisher in the snow. And again, I'm only clearing the tiniest pebbles. That's two. That's four stones. Oh, the man with loads of dogs is out. He's got one, two, three, four, five, six.

I think Labradors looks like black and brown labs. It's that guy. He is one of the kings of the stone stars. They haven't seen him for a while. I assumed he died during COVID, but he's back. He's a pack of dogs running free, all free, sensible, and keeping a distance from now. Oh, yeah.

My toes actually get cold, which is quite impressive. Because these thermal socks have done me a good stead. That's another some more little, someone's coming with you along here. I think the shows in snow is not really yellow, but sometimes we can be a bit white. No stones, but I'm happy with four stones. If you told me before this walk,

I'd clear four tiny stones. One of them the size of a big finger nail. No, it's toenail. That would be too convenient. I've been delighted. I thought there'd be nothing today. This guy with the dogs make it very difficult for me to do the weed that I'd quite like to do.

We have weed live on here before. But where to we? Where to we? I'm going to do it here and hope that this will lead to, if he turns around, he'll completely see my massive wang, my massive proud wang. Oh, yeah. That's a beautiful baroque wii.

I'm tempted to take a photo of this, of the podcasts, but I won't. And it's really working. Unfortunately, I've just revealed leaves. Oh, there's the lady. The lady's up ahead. She turned around to see my wang. She's not looking.

It's really done a great job of melting the snow. Wolf is having a sniff. Yeah, it's baroque wii. Maybe that's, it feels like the baroque did some extra work there. Sometimes science happens accidentally, scientific discoveries. But maybe if your driveway is blocked by snow,

and you have a baroque, drink a bit more water than I had there, that was only a tiny little residual wii. As an older man, I think your bladder divides up into two sections. You do a wii, and then there's a back section, which holds onto some of the wii. That's my understanding.

We're doing well. It's all going great here at Wolf's. Wolf is coming in snow again. My feet are freezing. No one saw me do a wii, I don't think. Vivid yellow snow. I mean, don't eat that snow. Never eat yellow snow,

but don't eat the baroque. So when you eat it, you'll get superpowers. I'm not going to tell you what to do. Do what you like. There are bits of grass popular here. So when you see the grass, then it's a bit like Noah's Ark.

When he saw the leaf that came back, it was a sign that the fud was over. When you see the grass peeking through, that means that the stones are not far away. So keep your eyes open. Wolf is seeing something. Another stone, Starzy. Love the snow.

Some distance away. He's mistimed it. Could catch it as fast as he comes in our direction. I mean, I can see some yellow wii over there, yellow snow over there. He's not going to catch us doing anything. It's a point the stones come out of the stones, Starzy, except to gloat.

You'd think the big stones would pop above the snow, but they, like when your genitals get cold, they retract into your body, further into your body if you have the traditional female genitalia. And that's the... Although I say that, here's two stones peeking right over.

Oh, look at that. It's as beautiful as three stones' wolves. Three stones are there. I mean, that one's small, large. And that one's small, large. This one might even be medium small. And I'm throwing them towards the edge, landing in the snow on the boundary.

Two of them at least got off. Oh, look, here's another one. And there's another one. It's like they heard me say about their genitals retracting into their body. That one didn't go all the way. That's a little bit far from the edge, isn't it? Whoa!

It was stuck, like a tongue to a Kyle door. But I kicked it and it came off. So that's a brilliant technique there. I'm learning a little bit here, I have to say. I'm surprised to see all these stones cropping up. What's happened to this lead, Wolfie Harris? It wasn't so near. It's got got twisted.

There we go. There's a couple more here. That one's on a nearer bit of yellowish snow. I think the dogs have weed here. But I've got gloves on. Again, the hand not, watch out. The hand not have good enough tool to get the stones off. But if you have a boot, they fly off.

The one's on the top. There's another one, Wolfs. There's more stones here than usual. Again, just a little kick. The stone is dislodged. Wolfie's going crazy. The cheats are going to get thrown. But these are going onto the central can.

So that stone's starzy. Maybe time to exaggerate. There's more yellow. I mean, I think those dogs are drinking Barocca as well, by the looks of it. That's a twig with we all all over it. Do wash your hands when you get home. Have to stone clearing.

Just general piece of advice. It's really been brought home now by seeing the stones covered in piss. How I should have been doing that. Well, it's warm. The cockles are my heart. It's not the cocks of my toes. And, you know, some people thought I was crazy to go stone clearing on a field covered in snow.

I bet a few of you thought what's going on. I've literally gone mad. And yet here I am. That's four tiny stones. Those three or four I threw the field. And there's another four here. It's turning into a pretty good day. Another stone there.

They didn't respond to the kick. It was a bit buried underneath. Oh, so peaceful. The snow really pretty much untrammeled. A few creatures have gone across it. Off the path I'm talking about. My kids would love it out here. You build an excellent snowman.

Too snowy for football today. Yeah, Wolfie found another stone, hasn't he? There's a poo by that one. The dogs are letting me know what to do. You have to be very careful in the cold. Poo can not only look like stones, but actually go solid. You might think it is a stone.

I don't understand how these... I mean, this is some kind of magic. These stones are literally stuck to the ground, but atop of the snow. And there's just no logical way that can completely clear a snow themselves. You have to kick them to get them off the ground. If they have appeared on this field since the snow,

that is literally impossible. We're seeing some impossible things today. The moon has moved. Let's look where it is now. I can't even see it now. Hold on. Yeah, it's moved again. It's moved back to where it was before.

You might say, is it because you've moved, Rich? Your relative position? No. The sun has moved right over there. The sun was over there, and now it's right over there. It's not upward, sideways. It's gone about, I'd say, two miles to the right there. So some weird stuff's going on in the field today.

Nature is upended, but stones are putting more poo in the snow. Disgusting. Here we are at the central can. Looking at this, it looks like a little winter scene, like an activity scene. Maybe we'll take a photo of this, because at least it includes some stones.

And we've just knocked a lot of the snow off with a stone. I haven't been here for a little while. It's looking not bad. If there is a Jesus of stone clearing, I think this is where he might be born. Let's see. Yeah, nice photo there. Trying to be in it.

Whoops. Put your face, put your face in more. That's a beautiful scene. The animal coming to see the baby, on this pile of stones. There's another nice stone there. This is just turning into a bonanza. That one's right by the two or three meters away from the stone pile.

Just give it a kick, give it a pick, give it a flick. I throw. It doesn't rain. Right. Well, coming down the hill towards... I mean, this is Dominic Cummings Memorial can, but that died with Dominic. When Dominic died, the path to Dominic's can died.

The can's still there, if the beanie hat is gone. And beautiful virgin snow just asking. Some snow-based latario to come and put his stuff into it. Sprinkle his own magic snow. But maybe that's for another podcast. So down here, no stones. Wow, I mean, that to me feels like a religious experience that all those stones popping up on top of the snow come on.

That doesn't make sense. There's a little pebble. Can we get five? That would be a Christmas miracle. If walking down here, you can get five stones for the stone pole. Look, there's another one too. We'll see if it's going to happen. It could be a Christmas miracle.

We're about 30 metres away. Can we get three more stones in 30 metres? I think if we do, that proves the stone gods are definitely real. And if we don't, it proves they're testing us. And they're definitely real. I mean, those stones, there are some little stones there, but they are actually too small for the stone pole. There's another one.

What's happening? What's happening? Three. Oh my, oh my Lord. I was never a religious man until I started stone clearing, but I've had my doubts that seeing the field that would bear off stone, give up stone covered in snow, and give up, still give up for stones. If I get five stones and all five of them hit the stone pole,

that's a leaf shit. We're about 20 metres away now. We've got three-fifths of the way to our target. Oh, what's that? That's a leaf. Do not test the Lord's, your gods, for them to be your vassal. I mean, three is still pretty good. Three's more or less proves it.

It's true. It's all leaves here. You have to have real faith to see the stone, to feed the photons among the leaf. Thy must be of true heart, for it is written, and though it must be shall. Well, the Lord's in their mercy, and they've with them, have seen it appropriate for me to get three stones.

That's, you know, the chrismatine, the holy trinity. It's only three, but, you know, still a good number by any mention. One out of one. That was a good difficult to watch out for if he walks in the way. I hit the wrong pole, one out of two. Two out of three, 66% success rate. I think you can draw your own conclusions about those who choose to believe and do not believe. There's no stone there, but it's embedded in the path.

Right, well, fuck. It's been an amazing play for me. I hope for you too. Sun again now, I'd say another 20 or 30 feet across. A little higher in the sky, I would expect that. I'm not stupid. And this bit of path actually is all melted. And there's a clear stone.

That is the stone God saying you are forgiven. Have a walk on a melted path. No snow here at all, apart from just onto the right on the field. A little bit on the leaves. A lot of leaves. What was I saying? Whatever, it's amazing. It's been an amazing spiritual experience.

I'm glad I just hope it recorded. Yeah, it looks like it did. I mean, it might have to be inside of my pocket, given these headphones. That would be a shame. Well, something beautiful has happened out here today. Those three stones. The oak. Did a brook a wee discovered the power of brook.

It's snow. I mean, it feels science uses that. If they gather up all the brook away. That was done every morning. In the big lorry. And then just hit that on the road. Bang, problem solved. It's a bit of proving not as good a melting agent.

We passed the Ken Kerchival, the main Kern. Looking good. Something quite brown. Again, no snow on that. Makes you think, where's the snow from that Kern? Not there. Why would that be? Because it's been favored by their stone gods.

All the way along here, actually. The new wall that I'm growing slowly. In place. Invisible. Some might say, isn't that because the sun is shining on the field? And I would say, you don't understand science like me. I understand science. And I'm good at it.

Down the hill we come. Will we find a stone for the ditch that stopped Brexit? Or will Brexit return to haunt us? Every time you pass that without putting your stone, remember Brexit will happen again. Every stone you put in stops Brexit happening again. It's as simple as that. Science.

Once again, science. A few stones in this pathway. I'll grab a couple of those. They are quite well. They've got a tiny, tiny slither of stone. No, there's none. And this. It is.

It does feel like I've been on a journey to righteousness. I started in deep, deep snow, like Rivendale. And now I'm walking on deep, deep shit in soil, but probably was shit at some point. The snows melted. The gods have looked upon us and said that it was good. And it puts me in mind of that little boy. The journey his family took 2,022 years ago this month,

just a week away from the anniversary. They had to trudge through snow probably in the Middle East to get to the stable. I'm back on snow in this bit. That's the ditch that stopped Brexit. Maybe if I put this in the ditch that stopped Brexit, the snow shall melt. Maybe not immediately, but probably quite soon.

I should have kept one of those stones to the alphanomic again. But even though I didn't grace the alphanomic can on the way in, the gods do not seem to have punished me as yet, though I don't have any central heating. So maybe that's something to do with it. And another little bit of soil. Is there a stone here for me? It doesn't look like it.

But if you believe hard enough the stones shall come. Is that count? That's the smallest stone I've ever cleared, but that's going to have to do. But remember Jesus didn't want expensive goods like gold, and he just wanted stones. The shepherds brought stones from their field. And Jesus looked on the photon and said,

this is better than all the gold that could be brought to me. For I am Jesus, chief of. All right, anyway, back on Duckett's passage. We're heading back down the field. And just the time to look at your Christmas emails. Christmas emails. I've been a lot in, obviously, with Christmas coming up. Dear Rich, this is from Chimney Pot Aerial.

I think they've been in touch. Well, it might be Aerial Chimney Pot. I don't expect them to have ordered their name on the email. Happy Christmas, Rich. I hope you will be out on the field as chief of would be. This time in Bethlehem as a baby. And Jesus was, there are no rules to stone clearing. That's the first rule for the stone clearing.

The second rule is you have to be over 16 to stone clear, except there's an addendum. And there you are, chief of, in which case, you can stone clear as a baby, when you want baby. And the dog waiting for the end of the path, they can drag you out. We'll be. Come on.

You're too good for that. What is the youngest? This is Aerial Chimney Pot Aerial. What is the youngest baby you've seen out stone clearing? Well, I've seen chief of, the baby chief of chief of out there. And I've really been, my mind's really expanding. It's careful on it. Slippy walks.

Come on. Let's go. So I'd say the baby chief, the ghost of the baby chief of. You might say, did the baby chief of die? Yeah, ghost. He just was always a ghost of whatever age he is. You can see the baby chief of, you can see the toddler chief of, you can see the two major chief of,

you can see the teenager chief of, you can see the adolescent chief of, and he didn't clear stone so much. Went through a period where he thought it was silly. It's saying to Joseph, you're not my real dad. There you go. There you go. Hi, hello.

I'm all right behind me. Listen to every word out now. Come on, buffs. So I've seen chief of the Norlis ghostly stages, the adult chief of the old man chief. That's a weird one. You see the old man with a big, big baby in soup.

Jesus never got to be an old man. The dogs have definitely been drinking Baraka. Come on, leave it. We're in the front door because the back gate is clamped shut. I'm pretty sure I've got my key in this pocket. I hope I haven't dropped it. Well, thanks for listening. Have a very happy Christmas.

See ya. And, uh, Wolfie, come on. Wolfie, come on. And enjoy your stone. Come in inside. Inside. Now it's difficult to get through this door.

It's not like the whole house. It's a load of fucking shit. Come on. Good girl. Do you remember to clear stones on Christmas Day? Take a day off. I hope we give you some good tips there. And, uh, we'll see you in on 2023.

Maybe, uh, send it 2022. We'll have anything else to do. So we might get a few more before the end of the year. We love you. We want you to be happy. Just do your best. Bye. Liffon to the stone, my friend.

And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't Liffon to the bird fan tree. Don't Liffon to your underpants. Liffon to the stone. Liffon to the stone. And they, in turn, are Liffon to you. My friend, my fine friend. You have been listening to Stone Clearing with me, Richard Herring,

and Wolfie the dog, plus a couple of stone starsy people, all those labradors, and a lot of snow, my friend, and a Christmas miracle. The music is by Mike Copgrave. The voice of the photons is Michael Faheen. Liffon to the stone, my friend. And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't Liffon to the bird fan tree.

Don't Liffon to your underpants. Liffon to the stone, Liffon to the stone. And they, in turn, are Liffon to you. My friend, my fine friend. Thank you for watching.