Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 132

Episode Date: December 29, 2022

Chapter 132 - Diplodocuf. It's 8.04am on what might be the 29th December 2022 and it's the last podcast of the year. Today we find out about the double and the importance of the periphery and why Newton's Law of Motion means that stones can not propel themselves, but are capable of steering and a Great Escape. Plus an email in from somewhere that ceased to exist in 2018, which will need its wikipedia entry amended.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello my friends, it's December the 29th I think. I'm not sure what day of the week that is, it's just about 8am, 805, 804, sorry I misread my own digital watch there. This is chapter 132 of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie Duck. She insists on getting billing above the title now. In the title we're heading up Duckett's Passage, very different Stone Clearing to last time of course. The snow, the snow, feet have melted away leaving only sort of dampness behind. And the door, the back gate of the house up here is open ahead of me, that's very rare. There might be someone

just lurking at the top here. Have to watch out for that. Or maybe they just forgot to close the gate, or maybe they've been burgled. Fingers crossed. Wolfie, come here. Stay close, some things afoot. It's probably the last Stone Clearing podcast of the year, obviously always Stone Clearing. As the new year comes in, as is tradition, but that's a very private occasion. There's no one here, just the gates are jar. A very private occasion which I will not be podcasting. So this will probably be your last Stone Clearing of 2022. But those twos never struck me before. But you can bet your bottom dollar that there'll be more of these coming in 2023, 2024, 2025, unless of course I clear the field before that time.

Just kidding. Oh, that's a nice stone for the Alpheran Omog again. You'd think this little corner of the field would be all out of decent sized stones, but that is a small large right there. Hit the top of the can, bounced off. Doesn't matter if that will one day be part of the can as well. Only surprisingly slowly the Alpheran Omog again, given that at least two stones go on every occasion I'm on this field. Often little ones. There aren't many big stones down in this corner of the field. Stone clearers have asked for centuries why certain parts of the Stocean are feckoned, and whilst others are bare, it could be that a stone clearer of the past has cleared all the stones around here if they have. They've hidden them away

somewhere. We'll be pulling under a tree. That's how I like it. I've no need to clear that one up. That's well off the beaten path. Nature will take its bit diarrhea there for wolves. If you need a bit of turkey, they have a bad diarrhea. We've kept her off that but still a little bit of diarrhea there for a fan. Oh, a good kick there. Took about three or four stones off there. It's very shaley. Oh, that hard barely went up. I'm going to throw that one in my hand. I've kicked it. That's a double. That's called a double in the business kick. It doesn't go quite as far as you want it to. You could kick again but it's in the long grass. So you pick it up, just throw it a little further away. It was off the field

but not to my satisfaction. And that is something you do have to watch out for as the borders of the field have changed over the last four or five years. I've noticed stones that I thought I'd cleared are back on the field. So do get those stones as far away from the field as possible while still remaining within the enclosure of the field. There are no rules to stone clearing. Actually rule one of stone clearing. I don't have mentioned that before. Rule two is the stones cannot leave the field. They must be cleared to the edge of the very edge. It's a peripheral thing. It's a peripheral sport job, whatever you call it. The new crop is growing well. It looks like grass. I think they're just growing some grass. It may turn

into wheat or something. If you now weave, very liquidy weave, as you would hope. That is normal, as expected. A lot of stones here suddenly in this bit. Not big ones, but just there's what I'd say that. And then how can that be right at the edge of the field? Walk past here a thousand times just sitting right on top of the soil. Lovely medium, perfect medium. Medium small to medium. I'd say that was hard to quantify. It's so medium. Almost the average stone that. But it's off now. Pushed its way to the surface. And finally it is free. And that's the problem. These stones, it's a problem. It's a beautiful problem to these stones. You clear all the thumbs off the top and the new ones hear what's going on

on the surface. They hear that freedom. Some of them have been incarcerated underground for years. Haven't seen that for a day for a long time. They hear on the grapevine or the stone vine. The stone. They talk to each other. That's what I'm saying. Through the soil. In much the same way as a bat can communicate by shooting sounds against cave walls or something. The stones say, hey, the new geophys here. I say, come on. That's not for you to say, guys. If you come to the surface, especially if you're near the edge, he will clear you as it was prophesied. For he is his. Just as I was saying, I picked up five stones all like in the smalls. Just flung them all off just haphazardly. Doesn't matter where they

land. As long as they land off the field, but in the field. There's no rules. But that's very important. Under pain of death. That must be what is done. Some say, are they laws? I go, no, there's no law. It's a lawless, it's anarchy out here. But you must, it's an anarchy where everything must be in its place and everything is very neat and move to the edge. And so then you can do whatever you like in the stoneless field. One day it will be here. I hope I live to see that day. If not, my antecedents, is that the word? No, that means before. My extracedents, is that the word? My descendants. Whatever. So it's a bleak old day out here. There's some scudding clouds. Scudding clouds in the distance of pink cloud

on the horizon. The sun not yet up. Haven't got a huge amount of time as my wife has to head off. Must I forget that? Today, early this morning for an appointment. I don't know, she's a very busy lady. Luckily, because soon enough I'm going to be concentrating on stones only. And there isn't much money in this, I have to tell you. There's some. Thankfully, those of you out there who will pay upwards of £50 for a stone from the field do keep the business running. But I can't rely on that. It's a source of income. Just taking a little hassle off, actually, into a clear patch. You feel where there are some nice little tiny ones there. Just a tiny one. I don't know why I threw that kind of easy carrot. Oh, there's

a lovely, that's a beautiful medium to large. Just going to make sure it's in my excitement that I don't get seen doing what I'm doing here. It's just highly illegal, hassle-hopping and clearing stones without permission. Watch out, there's some nice ones out here. There's another nice one, that's a small large bit. Beautiful caramel coloured. Trying to give up caramels post Christmas. But the stones keep putting back in into the can in the corner of the field, but it isn't in the corner of the field. Overgrown with weeds, but still visible. And that nice medium, large, I've got dirt on my face now, has taken pride of place atop that pile. Huffle-hopping, of course, for those of you who've forgotten, haven't

done it for a little while, is when you run out into the Stocean to rescue. A stone that's particularly calling out to you. There's going to be another short chapter today. Just keep your fix. I know, but now that I'm inundated again with emails, people are saying, where's 1730 December? Where's the last stone clear? What is, like, nearly the end of the year? What the fuck is going on? It's a typical email there. That one from Oki. Grass, Oki Grass. Somewhere in Africa. I think it's an African name, Oki. Again, lovely mediumish stone just in the path. And that's going into the, oh, I said it's going to go into the roots of the trees, but it bounced past the trees down the bank. And that one's sort of

gone off the field, I have to say, despite everything I said about the rules and the laws. Sometimes those stones will make a break for it. That one, I threw it very clear towards the tree and it bounced to the left in a way that defied nature and gravity, which I think shows that the stone wanted to escape like one of the coldest POWs. But it won't get far. It won't get far. It's just at the bottom of that bank there. It's sort of, it's not in a field at all. There's a pathway between two fields. It's left in no man's land, no stone's land. It's a stone without a country. Whereas I'm a cunt without a stonery. Right. And we're heading up. There's the can opposite the main can. Should feed

that a little bit. Again, overburdened with foliage. Look at that. Another lovely medium just in the path. I needed my trusty child to get that one up, but very close to, just in the path. Must have been there all this time. I've been throwing a few stones towards the edge or from the middle. I think that might have been one of them from yesterday. A few of them will just go sort of deeper. We're obviously in another way. Very watery way. Barocquery, we thought the Barocca weave. When the dogs get the Barocca, that's all that one I know. It's expensive. That was an interesting throw. We didn't go where I wanted to go, but it went off again. Veered off to the left. It's incredible that the

stone's able to change its direction in flight in that way. That's how much power these stones have. You think, well, why don't they just move themselves to the edge of the field, which is they can move. They need to be propelled. It's Newton's law of motion. Come on, guys. But once they're in motion, they've got a little gear stick in there, I think, or something like that. They can move the flaps. Yeah, stones have flaps. Not just ladies. A little bit of a blue joke there. Sorry. A bit of a blue joke. If there are any kids listening, there shouldn't be because we're in overrule one, rule two. You must be 16 to listen to the Stonecliff and you'll see 18 years of age to listen to the Stonecliff podcast. Because

this is adult content, my friends. Most of my listeners are 14-year-olds excited by that prospect. It's very strict. 18 and above, so a lot of 14-year-olds sneak in going, yeah, I'm 18. I'm 18. And they're pretty disappointed when they find out what this adult content is. They're stuck to it. They've been rewarded after only 132 episodes with a joke about flaps. So, you know, plus they talk about occasionally having sex with the ground and stuff. Which when you're 14, that's enough. That's enough. When you're 55, all my friends, you need a lot more than that to get you going. Oh, Jesus. All right, the wind blowing across there. Feel a little no one out. As I can see, a couple of crows. Or some kind of corvid, flighted

creature. My main cane, the principal cane, looking brown in the distance. But looking pretty impressive. It is becoming a wall. I can sort of see it stretching down. Looks like a prehistoric, head of a prehistoric creature coming out of the ground from here. With a long neck. You know, some kind of brontosaurus. Diplodocus. Maybe it will be mistaken for that by future generations. I mean, they've been pretty fucking thick. Played from a distance. I don't know, some stones. Of course, by that time, this wall will be 50 feet high all the way around the edge of the field, not just this stretch here. Maybe I'll get you a picture of that Diplodocus. It's pretty cold. It's not the icy conditions where the stones freeze

your hands, but it's certainly chilly on the old Vagili. There's water by the Diplodocus's head. Merging. You can see the length of that. It's pretty impressive. You're going to enjoy all the pictures that come to this podcast, no doubt. There's something pretty amazing that happens in the next five minutes. We're heading down. Let's not check we're still going. This is a danger. Yeah, we're still going. Still going. Looking beautiful anyway. I think you'll agree. Four or five years' work has gone into this. Not wasted. The sun is now just coming up over there. There's a dog. There's a stone star behind me. As I look into the sun, using the sun as a camouflage, very cleverly. Beautiful sun. Full sun that is today. Full and whole

round sun, not there. You might be familiar with the segments of the sun as it comes up. As you look at it, you can sort of look at it because it's so low. It looks like more than a ball of gas, a flame. It looks like a huge explosion. Oh my goodness. I can see clouds in front of it. I feel like I can see the sun explosions coming out of it. It looks amazing. Should have made that the photo. Sun, of course. Just a big ball of rock. Gassy rock. One day I'll clear that. Or maybe I should just clear all the rocks into the sun. That might be the quickest, most efficient way you're dealing with it. Heading down the hill. I was talking about the sparse amount of stones as we enter the field, but the number of stones

as we exit, especially when you've just been looking into the sun, never look into the sun when you're stone clearing because all that happens is your vision is full of sun spots and everything looks like a stone. I might have blinded myself. I did tell my kids never look into the sun just about two or three days ago when we gave them a mini telescope for Christmas. Just a little handheld one you can put in your pocket. It's a microscope as well. It's very good. Actually, shit. But it would be good if it worked. I told them never look into the sun. Then I looked into the sun and not fully blind, but don't look in the sun, kids, if you're stone clearing because it will affect your vision. Though

it's possible to stone clear if you are blind. I'm not excluding anyone. That's why this is an audio format. So blind can join in. Sorry, I want to apologize to any deafness that there is currently no way for you to enjoy this, but a friend could do some kind of sign language to it. That's up to you. I hope you get this apology. But if you're blind, you just have to scrabble around until you find something using the other heightened sense of touch. My touch is not heightened by my temporary blindness. Hopefully temporary. What's that? That looks like a stone. Again, I'm going to get my trusty... It's not as good as it looked. The sun in my eyes. I've put some... A couple of stones have gone into the ditch that's

actually below me. I've taken down a few Prime Ministers as well, that ditch. Be wary, be wary of the ditch. I've got a nice... This is a nice offering for the health renomber, Ken. It's had two pretty good chunks. This is a bit bigger than the last one. Lovely sort of bluey grey, bit of flint. About the size of a potato. The potato of this particular size. I'm going to be a little careful putting this on so it doesn't jump off. It's a top of the can. Another can, largely hidden by foliage. That's how it should be. That's the best way to go. Passing the compost heap if someone's dumped their garden furniture in there as well. I don't think that will compost. It looks like a supermarket basket in there

as well. I think they've been rather hopeful. They just pushed this door close. I'm not sure it's meant to be open. No, it just doesn't fit into its moorings. It's a brand new fence. You'll remember when it has been put up. Not so long ago, in the last year or so, already the door doesn't fit. Oh dear. I would call out the fence makers who proudly proclaim their name. I'm the fence but I won't do that for fear of giving away the location of this secret field. We're heading down Duckett's Passage and I haven't got your emails to be on the one asking me about more stuff. Here's an email. This one comes from Guttering Fence. I don't know where Guttering Land that is from. Hello Richard. It's me, Guttering Fence. I come

from Swaziland. There you go. It's a Swaziland named Guttering. It sounds funny in our language but of course in Swahili is it. I speak Swahili. Thank you. I'm writing in English for your ease. Good, he answers the questions. Let's say they. It's the safer thing to do these days. In Swaziland we have no stones. Wow. There are zero stones here Richard. They've all been cleared by Swazi people in the past. They did a good job. Made this a stoneless country. What do you suggest I can do with my time? Well I presume there's a big wall just around Swaziland made of stones you know. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean it's a good thing but I do tend to think it should just be a field sized wall. I mean you know just sit down and

bass in your stoneless land and we'll add that to Wikipedia. I think this could put us in use as a source to verify. Not a stone in Swaziland. Is it still called Swaziland? Whoops. I hope he doesn't know. Anyway, thank you Guttering. I'm not going to take Mick yet He's a racist. Unless you are playing racist me. Which case I can. It's a complex. It's a minefield. Right come on Wolves. Come inside. Come on down. Right well that's 2022 done. Do you want to come in and have some food? Come on down. Come on. What's wrong? Alright you can stay out there. Wolfie electing to stay outside.

She doesn't want to. I think she thinks I'm racist and doesn't want to be a part of a part of this podcast anymore. Well that's the choice she's made. I've been in double acts before and you know after I'm the one to leave I sometimes just form the park without. This time Wolfie. Wolfie's the one to go so well done to her. And we'll wish you a happy new Christmas and a merry new year. And we'll see you on the other side of this I'm sure. God be willing. Gods be willing. And they're heaven above. They're stony heaven above. Hope you've enjoyed 2022. Can't wait to see what we'll discover on the station.

2023. See you my fine friends. And much love to you and all who say hello. Live unto the stone, my friend. And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't live unto the bird fan tree. Don't live unto your underpants. Live unto the stone, live unto the stone. And they, in turn, are lippin' to you. My friend, my fine friend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog starved me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog. Thank you to Mike Coffgrave for providing the music. The voice of the Patones is Michael Faheen.

And Swaziland became Eswatini in 2018. You'd think that Guttering would know that about his own country. It's a strange thing that they got that wrong. Anyway, see you next year. Bye. Live unto the stone, my friend. And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't live unto the bird fan tree. Don't live unto your underpants. Live unto the stone, live unto the stone. And they, in turn, are lippin' to you. My friend, my fine friend.

You