Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 133

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

Chapter 133 - Pommel Hat Trick. It's just before 10am on 1st January 2023 - a new year and a new resolution that will keep you full up with stone clearing all year. There's some sneaky work from the Ftone Ftafi and there's some bad news for one section of our listenership, but I don't take the rules and there are no rules. Plus human wee, dog diarrhoea and exciting stone pole action. It's going to be a great new year.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Yeah, I'm in it, Wobby Harris! Whoops! Clear the stones Do they know it's New Year's Day at all? Clear the stones Do they know it's New Year's Day at all? They don't know.

They live by a different calendar to us. A day to a stone is by the blink of an eye. Welcome to chapter 133. Stone clearing with Richard Herring. It's the 1st of January 2023, 9.59am, 10.08pm, and uh, come on darling, come on, up we go. Good girl. Heading up Duckett's Passage, and uh, yeah, it's my new year's resolution to a stone clearing podcast every day of the year. That's 365 podcasts this year, or 366 if 2023 is a leap year. We'll find out on February the 29th. So do tune in every day 2023 to hear me clearing stones. Hopefully by the end of this year by doing that we will build the community from the current, what was that?

Okay, dropped something, I don't know how they did, from the current few hundred who listen to every episode to 500 million. We'll see, we'll see if that works out. Here we are, we're on the Stocean. It's green, the sky is largely blue, some clouds on the horizon. Taking up maybe a third of the sky over there to the left, and round the periphery of the, of the sky, but the center of the sky apart from one big scudding cloud and one plane flying through, leaving its vapor trails as people jet off on a new day, a new year, to a new location, who knows, maybe starting life somewhere else to clear stones in a foreign country. Not Swaziland of course, don't go there if you want to clear stones,

cease to exist in 2018 as well, so do bear that in mind. It'd be nice to, you know, if we managed 365 podcasts of 366 this is a leap year, where that will really increase the number of lessons you'll have got through this year. Definitely gets into professional level stone clearing, so do keep tuning in every, just come back every day, I'll be here. I'm just clearing a couple of stones there, I've already put one on there for an omic again, I think, I think I did, did I forget? I'm going to put this bomb back, I'm going to go back just in case you don't want to start, oh there's a stone stasi crossing the field up early,

maybe new year's, new resolution for the stone stasi, let's stop not being here anymore and start taking out some of these stone clearers. There we go, that was bang on, that was a nice throw from a distance onto the up front omic again, it'd be a shame to forget that just the first day back, I think I did it. So yeah, hope you had a good New Year's Eve, I no longer drink so that my mind can just be clear for stone clearing. Do you know it's New Year's Eve by the way, stones, no we didn't know that, it's only New Year's Day, no we didn't know that either. Oh boy chat wolves, woo-hoo-hoo, woofy, suddenly stops just as a stone which is chased one stone

and another was coming soon after it, I thought it could have hit it, luckily it was lobbed, I don't think it would have done much harm. In all the years of stone clearing I've yet to seriously damage the dog, so maybe this year will be the year, we can deal with that aspect of stone clearing, that is a difficult thing to cope with when you injure an animal or human or your dog, though you'll cover your beard's dog. Lots of stones here today, right on the periphery, that one's gone onto, it's slightly under use cairn underneath the hedge there, that was an early cairn, they used a lot but now it doesn't get so much love for some reason, there's nice cairn developing, as you come onto the field first tree, first proper tree on the field

by all other fences, I think this one burnt down in the great fire, there's a nice little cairn developing at the base of that tree, always use what's there already to help create your wall, whether that's an existing stone, whether it's a tree that you can put pile stones up against at the base, always satisfy a fence, this is basic stuff but I'm assuming many of you are hung over, stop drinking, stop masturbating, just concentrate, you cannot come out onto the field, sometimes you have to masturbate while you're out here because it gets exciting, but you need all your powers, you don't want to sap your strength or start to go slightly blind because although as I did explain

blind people are welcome and encouraged in the stone clearing community, it is not an advantage to not be able to see when you're clearing stone, seeing the stones is a big part of it, but not an exclusive part of it with this is we're all welcome here, apart from the gaze, no gaze for everyone, otherwise it's a completely inclusive community, everyone can stone clear, but some people should not be allowed to and of course children are not allowed to either, that's just common sense, it's dangerous out here, it's dangerous as we've just seen a dog nearly got hit by a small stone that could have cut some of her fur,

so please try and clear responsibly, if you do injure another person, if there's no one around and there are no fingerprints on the stone, yeah make a run for it, but if you're culpable just say oh sorry I was playing a game with my dog, I had to lob massive stones up high in the air, if you hurt your own dog you really have to take that dog to the vets because if the dog dies that is your cover blown, what are you doing walking around the field just clearing stones, come on, there's a dog there, I was playing the game, I was throwing the stones to the dog, they might say well that seems dangerous, yeah we like to live dangerously, oh yeah I feel you can feel there's an energy to this podcast, that I'm excited, 2022 is gone,

it was a bad year for stone clearing, didn't count how many stones I cleared, that would be madness, but it wasn't enough, but 2023 already probably cleared seven stones by this stage and it's not even 11 o'clock in the morning, I'm currently appearing on Sunday brunch while I'm doing this as well and that is one thing you can try and do if you are a stone clearer, try and create a doppelganger of yourself that you can send out to do a clone, a robot, whatever you can manage with your technology, send out so that it's a cover isn't it, if people say I saw you stone clearing 10 o'clock New Year's Day, don't be super mails on Sunday brunch, there I am, clear as day, if you can really create a good robot that's really fast and efficient,

maybe send that out stone clearing, so maybe that's what I've done, maybe the one Sunday brunch is the real me and I don't think they'd ever be a robot that's as capable of informative podcasting as I am proving to be, but you know, they laugh at the idea of toast once upon a time, crumbs all over their faces, we're just doing a mini first hassle off of the new year, just add to a patch that hasn't got any crop on it, be careful as you walk across the crops, if you're going to hassle off, it is against the law, try and tread between the rows, some of you'll get a debt if you regularly stand, I picked up a nice round ball, sort of flattened ball like egg, more like an egg, you know like an egg's a flattened ball and that's going into the

roots of these trees, again use the trees as your, and another stone I picked up at the same time which wasn't as remarkable, pretty much out of shape here, I don't know what's going on, it is had a very light breakfast, orange and apple, a few nuts, and I'm just eating things that grow in nature now, rather than things from outer space, yeah, I did three dog walks yesterday, I don't know why I'm so tired today, probably because I was up after midnight, that would probably be it, I hope you, I would say to most, don't be curious, do not stay up after midnight, make sure you get to bed as early as possible, as soon as the light is gone, you can be up, first thing, obviously I was up at

8 a.m. as the sun came up, in the winter, in the summer, 4 a.m., if I'm in Iceland, when it's really sunny all the time, just look away, cool day, but I'm not, I'm in the United Kingdom, that's as far as I'm prepared to go, don't hold your way, location, so we're at the cairn across, stops it from the main cairn, just going to put a little, a tiny egg, that one that goes atop there, just be, oh there's a couple more stones here, let's put those on as well, little stones, little steps, big cairns, that's what they say, oh look at the size of that one, this one's a nice, that's, I mean it's still small, but bigger than the other two, it's very, oh there's an oats here, and the mystery of where all these stones come from, still not been solved, I've been over this

area a thousand times, a nice blood red stone there, I thought it was a piece of brick, but it is a stone, it's going to the holly, the holly and the ivy, just the holly actually, we're releasing there, clear the stones, single next Christmas, to try and take on lad baby, if I get the rights, if Bob go off on mid-year, give me the rights, still in negotiations with them, by which I've sent them some letters, with the amended lyrics, clear the stones, do they know it's Christmas time, no they don't, because they are made of stone, we're like stone, I can clear them off a field, and if you want to do that too, listen to my podcast, there's 365 episodes this year, or 36, 366, if it's a leap year at all,

and those are the lyrics I've written, took me a long time to get those written, especially the little stumble on the number of days in the leap year, that was a hard bit to write, Bob go off, got back to me, all the money from that charity single, if and when, I'm assuming this will clinch the deal, all the money will go to me to pay for stone clearing equipment, to help clear as many stones as I can, in the year 2024, so it feels like a long way in the future, didn't it, that year, but you know back in 1984, if I'd said one day it'd be 2024, we'd have gone that way before a while, but now look at you one year away, literally in the year, those of us who survive, the nuclear pockets of 2023, will be in the year 2024, and even if we

don't survive it, we will still be in that year, we can't stop time just by our untimely death, oh, singing ringing tree, first time for a while, let's go, I'm going to give it three stones, one of them was an egg, shaped stone, not a nitro egg, I'm not an idiot, nothing's happened, once again really need a wee, drank two coffees and a whole pot and a baroque, 250 millilitres of water, and then a pint of water, that I didn't remember actually drinking, I just remember pouring it, and then I looked at the glass, and the glass was empty, so I'm assuming that I drank it, and now my bladder is telling me I definitely did, no snow to help, Wolf has just done a poo for him, so it was on the field, I've come out,

and I've covered it with leaves, so that it will just mould her into the soil, it's too far out for anyone to legally step in, if anyone steps in that they're breaking the law, by hassle-huffing, no snow to melt, but I think I'm going to have to expunge some urine, if you will, and modestly prevents me from recording this, so of course I will edit this out, these sounds out of the actual podcast, just slightly shy bladder, oh I'm off, it's off, no one can see me, well Wolfine was looking, but now she's looked away, and sort of discussed now she's looking in the eye, it's weird that you feel embarrassed by this Wolf, because this is what you do every dog walk, so you know, piss off, piss thyself,

well that's a little bit of a dribbler, luckily this will be edited out of the podcast, so you will never know my shame, oh that's better, gotta be careful as we get older, if you don't definitely finish the wee, sometimes that wee, the end bit of the week and suddenly just find its own way out, when you're not expecting it, so do make sure if you're an elderly stone clearance wee in on a field, do make sure all the wee's out, so you don't get an unexpected surge of wee in your pants, that's a bit of wee advice, that's not really fully in the stone clearance remit, but it's New Year's Day, remember the New Year's resolution, one of these every day regardless, rain will shine,

quite an undertaking that will be, but you know me, there's no way I'm gonna let you down, that's all I have persistence, my only good quality, and is it good, I don't know is it positive to be persistent, it hasn't really stood me in very good stead, oh, clearance of my stones here by the way, not mentioning all of them, by name, that one was Simon Harris, there's some lovely stones here, I haven't been along here for a bit and just more and more have grown, waiting to be expunged, no one understands that process, science will never be able to explain it, look at that one, I mean there's no way that's been there every time I've walked past, look at that wall slightly chipped, some siblings that I think, oh no it's not a

sibling stone, but they're going to be siblings, they're going to stay together for the rest of eternity on this can that I've now created, fucking hell, unfit am I, what's happening was, that's the importance of sleep, that's why I say go to sleep as soon as the sun's down, wake up when the sun comes up, spend your time toiling in the fields, it will give you a sense of purpose that your life currently does not have, I know you're sitting there thinking oh god I'm going to work tomorrow, another year thought I'd be promoted, thought I'd have moved on by now, thought I'd be playing in a band, thought I'd have a stone clearing podcast of my own, but it hasn't happened, it can happen to you but only if you make it happen,

you're believing yourself, get out there. I'm coming up to the top corner this little now, the border of the next one, I mean I can already see all the stones on the next field twinkling in the morning sunshine, there's billions of them out there and yeah there's a few stones on my field but not, it's not the same, do I have bias regret, oh and I was going to pop into that field but I can see behind the hedge, it's in a gap and the hedge is sneaky, don't start a member who's on his way or her way or their way and that's going to stop me breaking one of the rules of stone clearing, there aren't no rules of stone clearing, that actually will want a stone clearing, the second rule is you can only clear

stones from your designated field, do not stray into another field, having said that, I thought there'd be a ghost I saw because I would have thought that stone sizing number would be through by now, maybe they are a ghost, disappeared, maybe they saw one over there, it's going to say maybe they turned and fled but they're there, so we're not going to we're not going to go into the next off field despite all the treasures that are just lying there and this is a point where throwing a stone to the boundary is extremely dangerous, I've done it anyway, I didn't want to go the other way, very attractive member of the stone, Stasi, if I may say so, wearing one of those hats that ladies like with a big pommel on the top

sort of drawing attention to the head, well I'm taking a big risk with the back turn, I'm just lobbing a nice big stone up, very nice blonde, ladies I would say in the 30s, I mean if this is the new stone Stasi regime, bring it on, I don't mind being smothered to death, you know those big hats with a big pommel on the top, it's just saying come on, look at my pommel and you know no man, normal man can see that and not be slightly aroused, but I'm made of stronger stuff, I'm not interested, I'm not saying I'm homosexual, that would get me drummed out of the stone clearing society, of course I've been prepared to try homosexuality if it helped this cause of stones in some way and there are no rules of stone clearing, that's rule one, but

rule two, no homosexual rule three, but you're allowed to give it a go if you think it might help stone clearing in some way, however a bleak that way may be, however difficult to explain the correlation, you can suck a couple of cocks regardless for free and if you'd like bum in, try that as long as you can justify it to yourself somehow, it's rule two and so I'm not getting a lot of new stones here that I don't recognise at all, I don't understand where they come from, here's to you sitting in your house, here's to them, they just appear from nowhere once you cleared them, tonight thank god you're not a stone, I bet you should want to be a stone,

I of course want to be a stone, a stone man, my ultimate aim, tonight thank god you're not a stone out on a field uncleared, because that is the worst thing a stone can be, just on a field uncleared, yeah yeah at christmas time, especially it's difficult because you're a stone thinking of all the stones inside in stone, christmas stone piles, they're all warm and in the houses, some of them are actually may helping make the house, but you are in a field being chapped on by a mouse, then the icy grip of death is on you and you cannot warm up, well tonight, this is because I went out last night and talked too much,

this is why you should never socialise this is so clear, there are no rules to stone clearing, never socialise unless you think it might lead to a homosexual relationship and will somehow help the stone clearing course and that was not going to happen last night, I have to tell you have too much I tried, oh well here we are at the central fin and it's looking good, it's one of the rare cans that you can, hasn't been overgrown with plants, you can see what's going on, I like to take a little photo, oh it's a little stone nearby, this is what doesn't, I don't understand there's a stone right next to the stone pile, not close enough to falling off it, you understand, just in the path

and that definitely wasn't there last time I was here, do you want to be in the picture again, whoops people like seeing you, go on get a bit further back, otherwise it's more you than the stones, it makes the stone pile look pathetic, all right you're not going to be there, that's the can at the centre of the pile, those of you interested, New Year's Day, oh we stopped, oh hello hello hello, but we did stop there momentarily so I hope that doesn't support your entertainment, has it stopped again, no, oh it maybe didn't stop, I don't know what's going on, where the only better poo in this, the better ring of tears, right

so my throat a bit sore, so I'm going to have to stop seeing the charity single for now, also it is a currently a Richard Copperite until mid-year replies to my emails, oh and that's a good throw, that was a nice throw, quite from spite some distance right onto the parapet of the central can, not actually onto the stones but onto a bit that will be covered in stone eventually when there are enough stones, so we're looking out for five nice specimens on the way down for the first stone pole of the year, very important stone pole, this can make the difference between 2023 being the best year ever and it being a shit show, I'm not saying that my poor first stone pole of the year has been responsible for

a over shit that we've been through but it can't help, this one has a red one, well I've got five but I think one of them is a little bit small so I might just, I just was attracted by the russet colour again, Wolfie's excited she thinks she's going to get some of these stones of course she's not, is that a human or a tree, it's a human, damn some slightly moving might intersect with the stone pole, might have to, is it the lady with the pommel coming back for a second helping, could be, there's a nice stone, I've got more than five here, I'm not going to do more than five, my trousers slightly falling down, don't know if

that's because I've lost weight or put on weight, sometimes it's hard to tell, I've been trying to get over the last few days post Christmas but obviously Christmas didn't help, if I'm quick I might get there before old pommel head tempts me away, if it is her, I mean I respect it as she's seen me, she was going in a completely different direction than how she's thinking, might have a look at that guy, maybe I can tempt her away from the dark side, that's always a possibility, right we're going to have to be quick which might not help the luck but it might just, if I use the force, my hair right in my face as well and I can't move it because it's all the stones, look at that

massive stone, I can't pick it up, I haven't got enough hands, right if we're quick just out of sight, around the corner, then I can pull my trousers upwards, that'll be fine, one out of one, I'll miss, I'm not going to count this next one, two out of three, three out of four, watch out Wolves, four out of five, five out of six, I did it, I'd went one extra and I've got five out of six, well that'd be a good local panel, I'm going to, oh maybe she's, oh she is coming, I'll pummel her head, have to drop, what are you doing Wolves, Wolves picked up one of the stones, I think she's going to, that's a good giveaway, if you carry that stone, drop it, drop it,

goodie, will you drop it, here you go, dropped it, thrown it away, will be coming, and I'm actually walking on the field but again in the, in the soil between the plants largely just to give this young, young conal head a chance, it'll be so me, be there, all right, and that's actually tricked the, by the pummel hat the lady are a lot older than she looked, the first time with the sun behind her, someone was behind her but you know you think that hat's been worn by a young woman and it turns out to be someone probably in their mid-fifties disgusting,

anyway, who would have sex with someone who was 55 years old, down to 56 this year, one bet, I've probably only got one testicle, disgusting, all right, down we head, it's been an exciting time, I've revealed more than I should have about myself, about that's probably going to happen in this year of 365 or 366 podcast if it's a leap year, do write in if you know whether it's a leap year this year or not, do become a monthly badger, help us, what are you doing in another poo, what the hell, you've not been to, oh yes, that's not even pick-upable, luckily it's out in the field again,

uncovered, yeah no one can pick that up for a wolfie, is there any more in there wolves, she's looking cheapish, yeah, you would look to me that when I was weeing like it was, oh what the hell are you doing, you've done a massive big shit in the middle of a field wolf, so you know, shit myself, oh I see you just did, lucky you weren't wearing pants, I know we're both getting older wolves, you know, sometimes you have issues, I hope this gold is recording, it'd be awful if this was lost to the world, it seems to be going unfortunately, heading down to the ditch that stopped Brexit, the ditch that kept Queen Elizabeth alive for so very long, finally one day just forgot to put him,

putting the stone, ended up with Lys Trus dead Queen Elizabeth, that's what happens one day, that's the power of the ditch, those pommel hats should only be for sale to genuine under 40 women, that's what I'm going to say, if that makes me sexist and they just so be it, right we're coming up to the Alprenomba again, just bent over nearly toppled over, fucking hell, just bent it over, went bent too far and he went head over heels, that's why there's not so many, you know, you might think I've got 30 years of stone

clearing left in me, what quality of stone clearing will that be for this ancient body, Alprenomba again, to apologise if I did miss you on the way, some dogs that poo right in the park, come on dudes, have some respect, yeah that's a lot of stones there on the Alprenomba can to make up for that, do clear your poo up and your dog poo's up, if it's anywhere near where someone's going to walk, come on dudes, um, heading down Duckett's Passage, that back gate still slightly a gate, not shutting properly and it's mooring bad news for the fencing company, I could give you very bad address and you could write and complain, first rule of fencing companies, make sure the door

doesn't warp in the cult, let's have a quick flip through your emails, we've got telephone wire slate, telephone wire slate is, they're not country that's from, hello Richard, it's me telephone wire slate, I am from Rwanda which I'm pretty sure is still an existing country, um, I think you're right, I think it's been in the news hasn't it, and uh might be wrong, you should know you live there telephone wire, um, I understand it's a new year in the UK where you are, yeah I think that might be worldwide, no that's presumptuous, it makes you assume every country adopts the same calendar, so I apologize for that, um, Chinese New Year different than it, so Rwanda might be in China,

we don't know, uh, do you have any new year revolutions, yeah I do have some new year revolutions, obviously my resolution is to put podcasts, don't worry every single day, you're going to be back tomorrow, we'll see if I'm not, um, my revolution is a revolution stone clearing, which is the picking spin, new technique I'm going to be trying out, where you, you spin as you pick, it helps, it sort of corkscrews the stone out of the ground, and then you flick, it's a picking spin and flick, and that's my revolution, it's literally a revolution as well, it's a revolution both in stone clearing and I'm revolving the stone, so that's double for you to have online, uh, have a happy new year if that's applicable,

hope you've got some new year revolutions as well, and uh, that's it for now, so thanks for listening, happy new year, see you definitely tomorrow, don't worry about that, bye. Don't listen to the bird fan tree, don't listen to your underpants, listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my pine twend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog, plus the lady with the pommel hat, um, probably some other people as well, I can't get under. The music is by Mike Coffgrave, the voice of the tones is Michael Faheen, happy new year.

Listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my pine friend.