Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 160

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Chapter 160 - White Dog Fhit. It's about 8.44am on 16th May 2024 and Richard's brain seems to be gradually atrophying into sludge. There isn't much time left for this ftocean but Herring is determined to Get Stone-Clearing Done. And at least 25 stones get nicely cleared during this fairly fcatalogical podcast. Why is he wasting his time doing this and why are you wasting it listening to it? We would have wasted it anyway.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Come here, Woopie, come here. Sit. Good girl, you're still up there. Woopie, come here. Woopie, come here. Woopie, come here. Woopie, come here. Woopie, come here. Come here. Sit. Good girl.

Come here. What part of putting on your lead do you not understand? There we go. Hello my finest friends. Welcome to another Stone Clearing Chapter 150. We've got that far. Just 40 short

podcasts. Another stone clearing is chapter 160. We've got that far, just 40 short podcasts away from moving up to advanced level stone clearing. It's 8.44, 16th of May. What the fuck? 2024? What? But how? And more importantly, why? Why does time keep moving? I'm nearly 57 years old, my friends. I remember my grandma saying to me when she was 85, but I still feel 23. I can't understand why I'm so old. And I'm getting it because Blink and I, I'll be 85 or possibly worse. Ow! I just got stung by a nettle.

Just to remind me that I'm alive right now. And that's what matters. The universe will send you these little reminders also. The planet world obviously hates me because I'm so concerned with stone, so it's a double whammy. The nettle's getting pretty high down, what is it called, this passage? I've forgotten what the passage in,night sweetheart's called I'm getting old I want to say Duckworth passage but that's not right he'll come back to me well I'm such a mess it's all falling

apart I mean were I not so mentally sound I would worry that this podcast is just a record of my brain's decline as I jibber and jabber at what point does it turn from useful instruction about stone clearing to just a man walking around oh my god look at the look at this the crops wolf they're so high well I even better get a stone for an alphanomagican that's the big question are you this one kick it kicked it and afflict it don't lick it don't lick the stones however tempting it may be to do that. There's excreta out here on the field. And though it would be good to get a new one

to all disease, it's too risky. Second stone of the day off the field into some nettles, wolfies. Also the undergrowth has got very big as well. It's like I'm in the time machine or travel to a place where the flowers look so unreal. Wolfie's just doing a poo. Gonna get a photo of that. Don't think I'll get there in time. There we go. That's Wolfie and the blue flowers. These are like no flowers known to our time. No flowers known to our time Wolfie. We've gone in the time machine down Duckit Passage. Is that what it's called? What's wrong with me I mean you know this is about stone clearing not about 1980 TV but it's not a trivia test kicks a couple of stones

there I'm gonna count those you should be counting obviously as you go I'll leave that to you two stones off there you could have heard from the noise they make all little ones the most of the big ones of course gone now in my efforts to get this job done, get Brexit done, get stone clearing done and then once the stone clearing is done we can move on. Oh look there's loads here, fuck. I mean I'm literally just two feet from the shoreline and just still tons of stones to clear sometimes I think I've set myself an impossible task then I remember the reason I'm doing this

and then I forget what it was again, we're doing a wee now she did some diarrhoea on the kitchen floor made some sick as well last night so you know, I had to clear that up. Nice old muggins here. Let's clean up everyone's poo in the family. Come on. I like so much my wife's or my kids now but my own and that's enough and sometimes wolfies. Sometimes the cat to change to cat litter and they've got good at going outside this isn't the poo of the Herring Family podcast is it? why I'm just clearing the bloodstone there as you heard. Oh dear 160 of these plus a

farmer time special plus all the ones that are in lockdown. Plus that I did 365 last year as well. Was it 366? No, 365. Ah well, the rape seed. It's interesting it's growing. If you look at it, I didn't realise these little pods grow, which I guess the seeds come out of. I thought the oil comes out, I thought the flowers were what they were harvesting. But I think this, probably these pods, like little slim peas. But this isn't the rapeseed podcast this is the stone clearing podcast you don't need to hear that obviously I'm away from the Stotion quite a bit at the moment as I'm back on tour and it's a proper tour where I'm away for a few days rather than one off

site the Rehlas of a tour usually was oh look at those gossamer cobwebs there nice isn't the cobweb podcast rich. Oh look at the white poo, they're very careful of the white dog poo. Don't see it very often. It looks like a stone. It's a poo that's learnt through evolution to disguise itself as a stone in the hope of getting cleared.

It's done a very good job of making dog poo and getting owners to pick it up and clear it. But for those that have irresponsible owners, turning white, petrifying is a good way of tricking stone clearers into clearing stones. So yeah, it's been difficult to be on that old stocian. Just a bit of information there. But you do want to avoid touching shit if possible just generally speaking it's gone back to shit come on with it

another piece of poo there that's brown that's of course some stones are brown as well so that don't feel you're safe if you see something brown if it's brown check it's not poo if it's yellow it's probably okay my fellow if it's brown you know assess the situation as seems appropriate down if it's yellow you can leave that my fellow there isn't a yellow stone on this planet. That yellow stone park. Ah yeah. If it's yellow, just check it's not a stone. It is a stone. I can't get that up. I'm wearing just my daps today.

Getting up the tar tracks a little bit. This is a bit of a hassle off. Just watching out for... I've spotted a couple of nice sized stones size is important. Can I get them up? Oh! They're nice mediums. There's another one a bit further up here. Some good tire tracks. Oh there's loads out here. Again makes me think as I venture out into the field a bit that that August July August cutoff point might not be cool dropped it caught it before it fell to the floor that's the stone clearers I've got loads here this is this is a bit like stone griffin with got some real

classy stones here right walls good girl good girl? There I am. I've got both hands full though so it's dangerous if a stone star as he comes they might see but also Wolfie could run and attack them. Right it's hard to see where the trees are. I like to throw the stones into because they're covered by nettles but I've just thrown those basic into undergrowth forming the basis after the stone wall. Right let's get you back on the lead wall so I don't feel comfortable and feel scared coming up here that something might happen. I'm so unfit again, I can't believe how quickly... I mean it is May, that does sort of explain it, but just with various dizzinesses and illnesses I haven't been getting out here. Enough running enough, I've been eating badly

and that's what the stone stars want, they want you to run yourself down. and getting out here enough running enough I've been eating badly and that's what the stone stars you want they want you to run yourself down to incapacitate yourself or die I mean it's almost it's a good that we got that little oasis of stone Christmas Christmas Island I would call that. Christmas Niflint. Oh look I was right. There's a lot of stonestars going through there, three of them. One in a red cap. A lot of Trump fans doing the stonestars. Another dog my goodness. Wolfie King to get to the dogs we're going the long way around wolfs part because of those dogs Wolfie has a smattering of rapeseed There they go, the MAGAS. Make a good agriculture. That's what it stands for.

That's not very good. They came up with that, not me. Make agriculture granular again. That's another word thing it stands for. Granular means they want stones on make agriculture granular again. That's another word thing it stands for. Granular means they want stones on the field. Ironically, they are quite regressive folk, but putting stone on fields might be a way to stop global warming. So they're actually helping the planet survive, which is the last thing we guys want. Words I eat I and trying to destroy the planet or at least get rid of

organic life here. Come on little doggie dog. So here doing the long way around. I certainly need the exercise of that little stone. I'm going to kick that one. There's some stones on the edge they're to the left they can be left. What's right isn't right. Something like that one. I can't remember but see Ken kick those stones further to the left kicks a good technique I think for the stones on the left we just want to make sure they're not just thinking of rolling their way back It was weird all that Covid thing wasn't it? I was just thinking about that. I just kicked a stone from the left there.

Um, get something. But the city ringing in tree, there's a nice candidate on my right. Weird wasn't it? All the Covid stuff we weren't allowed to go near to people. What was that all about oh and there's a nice stone at the bottom of the single ringing tree maybe that one's rolled down maybe the fairy folk rolled it down maybe it's a little trap for me or a little gift for me but a gift back then lovely round stone no ferry folk today if they were gonna come they'd have come during

Covid and we could have filmed them there it'd be pretty bad if they turned turned up now I'm not filming all those locked down stone cleavers of course lost to the world just disappeared into the ether don't think they were saved unless someone recorded them they'll be like lost Hancock tapes eventually someone will find them in the future and watch them again and marvel at the amazing stuff I was doing back then I can't remember much about it now. I'm not mad. The stones are telling me I'm mad. They're wrong. they're mad. If you hadn't got all spread around I wouldn't have to do this would I? So you should look at the stone in your own eye. I mean you're all stone so you can't do that, anyone got eyes?

Nice stone here on the left, well off the field but I'm'm gonna push it even further because it's such a beautiful stone I think these are some of my kens like sometimes It is interesting over time the pathway changes so what felt like safety for the stones actually Without upkeep Really have to be a sentinel of your feels

Without upkeep, really have to be a sentinel of your feels forever. Just to check nothing's rolling back on, nothing's been kicked back on, nothing's been bought on by a badger. Watch out for the badgers. I feel like some of these stones on my left were once cairns and are now a little scattered. Perhaps by far... Oh no, that's a nasty poo there. Not going to mistake that for a stone oh and they are onwards we press using the kick technique a little bit here that those stones are on the left and we're up for a kicking so they're on the right a lot of left and right mixed up.

A lot of little bits of scree here that could do with being off the path. And you have very difficult conditions. You know that stone clearing conditions are nearly always bad in the winter. The ground is too hard and in the summer the ground is too soft. In the sunshine you can get quite hot. But during the springtime the crops are so thick on the ground here that you'll have to fight your way through with a machete to get to a lot of these stones like a stone based Indiana Jones.

I'm still managing that, mainly kicking at the moment. I'm going to pick here, I I'm gonna do a pick here. Nice, this looks like a small rodent's skull. That's the size, that's the shape. It's off now though, it's gone. It's gone for eternity. All eternity is right in the bushes and that's never coming back. Another nice chip there. And just kicking little bits of stone off the path ready as I go, it's the main job at the moment. Stuart Chip, you're a janitor of the fields and the pathways. And yeah, it shows it's never done.

You do have to keep returning to your field once cleared. Do not return to a firework, that's true. But return to a field, my friends. Just to keep it neat and tidy, just like you would clean your living room once every six or seven months Give it a Hoover The same is true. More poo on the tar, half way disgusting Trisame is very true Of your stocian, your cleared stocian, and then you know I dream that day I will be

once it's cleared I will be popping back I'm only going to be living you know five ten miles away if I don't quite clear it by August I can just pop back of in again do the last few stones these ones going into the border between my field and the field I wish I'd chosen a much better field next door with really big stones in it. But alas it's not to be, the smell of marijuana in the air I thought there, did you catch that? You're a dog you're probably trained to sniff at that like you can go go on. Move you off the lead as we head up to diagonal we're bishoping our way across the the fields very little to see here there are stones beneath my feet but they don't have any tools of me in there well

they're almost like a manufactured pathway but here's one and we're close enough to the edge I think to get this into the trees oh that's a lovely skim beautiful hits the lower branches of a tree, falls inexorably, that's right inexorably, that's right as well. Both those words describe what it did into its forever home, unless it gets picked up. The rapeseed, I fancy eating some of these rapeseed beans. Might be a nice tea. Might cook those up for my family tonight, see how they enjoy them. Taking a chance, they look a bit poisonous but free food must not be sniffed at.

Yeah, it's like a wall of green and yellow, impermeable, occasional. It's called dewy cobwebs. Very little in the way of stone, some scree. I can't even be bothered to bend down to pick up right now. Will I have anything for the cairn in the middle of the field? I guess this guy, he's big enough to just about warrant picking up. This guy's tiny but now we're down. Let's get a couple of friends up. Every stone off is a stone that's not on. That's what I said to my stone clearing friend John. And John said, you're mental if you'll never finish this job. And I I said you're not my friend anymore I'm going to stone clear with

Bob. An old English folk song there. Never clear with another person of course obviously that's the part of the comedy of that. Just a bit of light-hearted fun. You can never give up stone clearing. No, stone clearing would ever say anything of those kinds. Some of these songs written by the stone stars need to try and undermine us and they're very catchy tunes and brilliant lyrics. People have worked very hard on... hard on... just picking up some screed. I've really only got a handful, there's seven or eight, you know how small my hands are, there's seven or eight stones in this hand, so that should give you an idea of the size of the stuff I'm clearing here. There's a nice stone there, but too embedded I think, let's have a look.

Oh no, it came out nice and easy, and a little one with it. We'll take your little friend as well mate, don't worry. There's dew all around me getting on my coat. It's a foggy day today. Misty I would say, but not right over the field, but the hills can hardly be seen. Sun, no sign, there's a plane flying over. Can I see it? Can see it can I fuck not seeing that baby all I can see is rapeseed plants cobwebs and the path ahead of me stone size you could leap out at any second I think we're okay we're gonna take a right turn something a bishop cannot oh we can. Oh, oh yeah, right.

Well there's a big shit to right by like this main can and a couple of nice stones that seem to have rolled down the hill. I don't remember these guys being all this far down. We'll move those up. That's rude to put that big shit there isn't it, nice near the poop. Right well the path to the stone pole is just thick with crops but the actual this cairn is looking lovely amidst all of this stuff right we're gonna have to go through I don't know if we'll be able to see any stones I don't know what we'll find there could be animals the path to the stone pole is thick with crops no one's walking down here for ages this like some of the plants have gone vertical

horizontal and dangerous trip me up how I'm gonna find pick five stones up down here I don't know this is the thickest so we're just going to a thinner part it's thinning out the jungle not clear the plants not quite as high as in some parts of the field here so I don't feel quite as much in them rapey maze as I was where's kind of maze like a maze maze myself rather than a rapeseed maze. No one wants a rapey maze. You there wolfs good girl. Will I find any ammunition?

There's a stone that's so thin I don't know if it would even carry to be thrown Should come across a few cross-crossing bits where there may be Chance to pick up stones. Will I have that one tiny fingernail? Gorilla fingernail I would call it stone As you can tell from my silence, it's a scary thing to do and I'm getting quite damp as I'm sure you are listening to this just because I'm describing it so well that you'll probably experience the same conditions as I'm describing it so well that I think you'll probably experience the same conditions as I'm experiencing. Oh a little bird just flew out, thought it was safe in

his cocoon. Right we're going to have to take a step over. There's a few stones here. They're not big stones, oh jeez, but there's lots of them. We have five. They're little, this is going to test my stone clearing abilities, stone throwing abilities to the maximum. Still some way to go. We'll see it like some really big stones there. There's another one. There's a couple of nice ones here, but I've got seven now and that's too many. Maybe I should be allowed seven. Oh I'm back through like this is five foot six and a half seven oh I'm back through like this is this this is five foot six and a half tall plants here that I'm going through oh and the dead one on the floor been trampled we're through we're through we're back to the tree There's a jogger coming through.

There's a stone statue of a dog that Wolfie's interested in. They're both just slightly mistimed. Oh, the stone pole. This is maybe even more difficult, the stone pole. Behind quite a lot of foliage. It's going to take quite some, to get seven out of seven here, it's going to take some kind of stone thrown genius. Can barely see the target that's one out of one though dart throw two out of two three out of three good stuff I've

got copy three out of four four out of five five out of, I mean that was pretty good, 4 out of 5 is the official score of course. Just got cocky, really got my eye in there. Wolfie does a celebratory wee. So it's going to be a good day. I'm eBay'ing some stuff you might be interested in, going to Herring 1967 on eBay. Check my Twitter, you can see the link. I've got rape flowers on my face. That was quite an adventure. It was a bit like being in a C.S. Lewis story. Without the jarring Christian allegory. Of course Christ is Riffen and if a stone clearer...

More poo! How much poo poo the dogs pootie with that being picked up like the stone clearers sorry the stone starzy two sides two sides of the same coin deliberately wolfy doing another wee are you alright darling you're not feeling well no they do just like having your your wee described on an audio podcast you pervert. You're a good girl. I don't think I love anyone as deeply as I love Wolfie the Dog. Just trying to get some fur off her tail, doesn't like it. Molting as always. Look at you all covered in rape flowers.

A yellow-faced dog and just picking up a very another small very small piece of stone just to go on the main can. Just feel something has to go here but it can fill in a gap well it didn't just bounce out the gap and roll down a bit but can't be fucked to move that around these early stones of course will never see the light of day after a while they'll be buried so far at the bottom of the huge wall. It doesn't really matter where they land. This water's only 10 foot thick, 10 foot, 20 foot high. So wherever they land, that's their home. For eternity and for the good of humanity and the good of stone manatee. Down the Soilly Stairs we go.

Down towards the Brexit ditch. Come on wolves. Woobie! Ah there she is. She ran through the field, came out ahead of me. She was behind me, came out ahead of me. This looks like a likely candidate for the... Wolfie! Should have ditched the stop Brexit. Wolfie! I'll take this one as well. There's another little tiny one here in the pathway

that's come loose, saying to me, come on Rich, I want to be in the stones, I want to stop Brexit, I want to be part of the group that stops Brexit. You can be another little couple here, but they can be the, they can be the other things to the Alpha and Omega gods, unless they been particularly desperate. Well, if you're trying another poop, I don't think she's on top form. You alright, girl?

And, I mean, I think that's just... If she's even managed anything... Oh, yes, a bit but a liquid there's no way no human can pick that up she's got a bit of the old dog diarrhea I know I've cleaned it up today but you can't pick up a liquid that's the whole point being liquid another little one saying wants to go in the ditch. Not on this, that's right I've got three stones there so one has gone in the ditch. Maybe in the ditch, I did, I did. Whatever you want and so the stone...

Oh for an arm of a god don't feel aggrieved. I picked up a couple of little bits of shrapnel. It all counts. Everything counts in small amounts. Well we're nearly home. Duck its passage. That's what it's called. Yeah. I mean if I was on pointless that would have been too long, that would have taken too long to remember. Come on. Down the passage we go to Paphith. Paphith. We get just time to look at emails. I've got an email here from Whistlybird.

Whistlybird, I'm not sure if that's the nickname, it could be from another country. Hi Rich, I'm Whistly Bird, yes you're right I am from another country, but I don't want to say which one just now. But it is in the same hemisphere as you, that's the only clue I'll give. Thus we are going through the spring summer equinox as are you. And the plants I've noticed are growing high. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the time machine. I feel like that as well. I'm just listening to the time machine as an audiobook. It's weird that's me talking not the wispy bird. How do you cope with the foliage at this time of year?

Well, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do except stamp on it. I mean you could cut it down with a kind of saw if it's bothering you. Try not to get stung. I'm just back to where I got stung by an apple. I managed to navigate it this time. Yeah, grow up. What the fuck's wrong with you? Have you got this far into life without knowing how to cope with some plants that are a bit high knee? For fuck's sake. I mean, I don't usually get annoyed with my listeners, however, in naming their questions. And that one takes the biscuit, Whistly Bird.

Right, there's someone coming. Let's go across that rash of the wheeling. Oh there's a panocomet behind us quite fast. This could be my last. St. Vernon Pancras. That's how close it was that time. There we go, we're home wolves. Well I hope you enjoyed that one fixedy and a very important number to have got through. And many more important numbers to come. Will Stone Clearing survive the move? Yes, of course it will. See you later, thanks for all your work.

Enjoy your Stone Clearing. Listen to the stone, my friend, And they're helping ye merry dance. Don't listen to the bird fan-t stone, lippin' to the stone. And they in turn are lippin' to ye, my friend, my fine friend For tones is Michael Fahey. And truth don't live unto your underhand, Live unto the throne, live unto the throne, To ye, my friend, my fine friend.