Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 164

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Chapter 164 - Fodden. It's 5.24pm on 9th July 2024 and Richard Herring is on the cusp of his 57th birthday (do not send him nude pictures to celebrate) and has only a couple of weeks to go to clear the Stocean. Can he do it in time or will he have to commute? The rape seed pods have an unexpected and sexy (to perverts) surprise for Richard and the ditch has finally delivered big. It's good that we only do this podcast every now and again so that the quality stays very high.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my FANASTA friends, hello flag hags, welcome to chapter one thick four of stone clearing with Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog It's 524. I think it's the 9th of July This might be the last stone clearing podcast of my 57th year. I will be 57 Friday 57 years young. I know hot and old Just passing the bins. Tragically, my bin not collected this week

due to me trying to recycle too many old show programs in it. I've taken it to the highest court in the land. But look, we're not here to talk about the affairs of mankind. We're here to talk to the affairs of photon kind. Photon kinder. Cold. It's a rainy day.

The sky is grey. The traffic's wet. The ground should be giving up It's prey more easily but My fingers will be muddy and sticky by the time We get Back home. It shouldn't be too long Got to be back in time To look after my kids by 6 p.m. So hopefully there won't be any Tom for Tuffy

Up here causing issues. Getting close to moving time so really got to try and the next couple of weeks clear all the stones that haven't yet cleared. It will be tricky. I'm away most of the time at the moment and that does make it difficult to clear stones but every morning before my tour manager wakes up I drive down to the field and do a clear obviously and then get back to Newcastle or wherever I am before he wakes up and no one is any other way. Incredibly unfit. I can't even fucking walk up this Duckett's Alley without it all going to shit. So I need to do something about that. It's been a bad year for my fitness.

After last year been a good year. Remember do stay fit, stay alive. You cannot clear stones when you're dead. There are no rules to stone clearing. That's rule number one and this isn't a rule this is just an aphorism come here I'm gonna let you off come here come here I'm gonna let you off come here what you doing come here there you go you can go on your own just gonna find a stone to put on the alphanomaga can oh it's not poop it's a bit of some kind of berry. So a couple of little pebbles go on the alphanomagican and we're off. Oh there's a nice um, ow just done myself bending, there's a lot of

vegetation here today. There's a nice, I just found a nice stone in the pathway. Look weeds, it's like a war of the, it here again i've said that before but this bit really is all these huge alien species of flowers that you don't get in present-day earth so i'll take a picture of some of them so you can to prove it this might be the picture for the podcast who knows might not be i mean they don't look that scary like that. Let's do one that's just nettles there and it will tie up. And that my friend is intimidating. Lots of different flowers and not many stones. I'm wearing my running shoes today, no socks and it's quite wet, my feet are

already wet. That's the biggest stone of the day, it's not that big, about small, medium medium, sort of size of a spearhead from medieval times I would say, but made of stoneyton, which some might make some do. Spears out of phyton, I'm sure they did, back in the day. In the Phyton Age. Every age is the Phyton Age to me. Um, coming across a bit where the scrub is a bit less dense and lower. Still stinging, my hand's still stinging from that, uh, nettle, that unfortunate nettle,

that grabbed me. That's where you'll never get hurt by a stone, but plants can hurt you. You name me one person who's been hurt by a stone, and I will name you a liar. They may have been hurt by gravity, they may have been hurt by the forces on the throne, or a stone falling but this stone wouldn't harm a human being who respects us if we respect it and if any stone did decide to kill a person it would only be because they deserved it. So squelching through the lightly muddy track and again track. And again, a little bit of scrubby bit of land here, but still quite difficult to see the stones beneath. I was hoping we might have a harvest for the world, and more importantly a harvest for the Fustosian before I make my merry way away from here. That would really help me ascertain

how many stones there are to go. Hopefully it's about three weeks worth. You'd think so after all this time. There can't be many there. Yeah, I look down at this path and you know there's quite a lot on the path. There's just too imbued in it for me to get just right now. Hopefully I'll get those. Just checking if it's still recording. Oh yeah, very much so. Some more nasty weeds on the periphery. Yeah, just the stones I can see are just so deeply in the path.

Oh, hold on, here's one. Bit of flint. About the size of a small spearhead, not as big as the earlier spearhead. It's horrible out here. At least it's not raining right now, or if it is it's just very light, almost just precipitation hanging in there, and in some ways this kind of wetness, although I'm not enjoying it at the moment as it wets my trousers and feet, it's preferable to the extreme heat we can get sometimes in these summer evenings We're catching across the corner of the field now I can get a little glimpse of stones none of them calling to me none of them quite their time and I'd be ashamed to do this little

walk across here and not pick up a single stone but that looks like how it's gonna be let's cut across into this more desolate area oh this is a good area this is where tractors driven through here. There are some stones. That's the biggest of the day. That's the size of a really big spearhead. I'm trying to bring down a mammoth of some kind. That's the biggest of the day. There are a couple of others. It's not size that's important. The important thing is the stones are off the field. My hand, as predicted, caked in the light mud of excrement and whatever it else is that creates mud.

I don't know where mud comes from. It's just everywhere in it. I'm trying to use my fingers at all. That might be the biggest of the day. That's a nice size and that's off the field. I'd like to hit another stone, I'm going to put you on the lead just in case it's hard to see what's coming up isn't it thought I'd come out with a poo bag but of course there's one tied to the handle of the dog, which is useful to know. So, you know, will stone clearing carry on once I move? I'm only five miles from the Stotion. I'm hoping I can finish in the next couple of weeks

and then it's moot, we can start a new field. But of course, there are rules to stone clearing. Rule number one, rule two, if you start a field, you must finish it or die so that rule does seem to imply i will have to come back oh my god i'm just getting soaked and pricked it's like a porn video this is the bukkake of the stonecone world. Fuck me up the anus. Moving on over my stars.

moving on all my stars oh my gosh this is just horrible just because there's the path is just non-existent don't have anyone that's probably why we're not getting many stone stars around here you actually literally pretty much unable to walk through this we're not even going across the field yet so one size nettles and pricklers on the other side just wet rape seed pods and now you can hear that scrouch couldn't you I'm absolutely soaking if this was the sperm of lots of different men, I'd, uh, I don't know what, it wouldn't be very nice. It would be the same though, it would be just as, I mean it would be more claggy I guess than wet. Depending on the age and the validity of the men. I'm just, the ground is light enough that I can just pick up a stone and fling it. It's a little

bit dangerous because I cannot see what I'm throwing and I'm just assuming no one else will be stupid enough to walk through this stuff. I think the rapeseed is getting off on this and getting me all wet and luscious. I'm not saying I'm not getting off on it I'm just saying it's this is why I concentrate more on the world of stones the dry world of stones where their sex is at worst uncomfortable. The best best uncomfortable area actually. Oh, so yeah my my posh loungewear that I wear in the house, jogging bottom kind of loungewear, absolutely drenched. It's not even raining, my feet wet, my penis also wet, that's nothing to do with walking through here. Cold as well, cold. The older your penis just starts getting cold, just reminding you that your death is crawling

from your extremities. Cold and useless. But I have a use beyond my penis I thought once that would you'd never hear me say that word those words my use is I still have fingers damp and muddy as they are I still have toes I can still clear stones my penis is not much use for that though once upon a time would have been a nice kind of almost hockey stick I still have toes. I can still clear stones. My penis is not much use for that though. Once upon a time it would have been a nice kind of almost hockey stick. Not in shape.

Mary says it is as lying. But just in length and ability to bat stuff around. I mustn't get into too much sexy talk because it does over-excite the younger female listenership to this. Oh, what have I just done? I just want to check I haven't turned myself off now. I think I just pressed the thing that takes out the external noise. Yeah, I want to be able to hear what's going on in the world. So I don't think if the excitement is too much for the recording and it's had to stop, or I've been censored by the podcast world.

Oh, fucking hell. This is just nasty this is nasty when the plants are gone I will be happy not just from this field but hopefully one day from the planet earth well definitely the planet earth will be nothing but stones and those stones I hope will be in one pile courtesy yours truly got two stones I hope will all be in one pile. Curses to see, yours truly. I've got two stones I've picked up on this long journey across. I'm Fodden, which is quite apt isn't it? In this Euros week, might be a sign. put some money on Phil Fodden to score a goal.

Right gumballs, down we go, come on. Wow we're approaching the ditch, not only stop Brexit but as predicted, of course the Labour landslide and without me, reform might very well be in the seat of Parliament right now. Ten Downing Street, Nigel Farage, the one bald tyrant. I would have fought him with my one ball if it had happened. You know, most one-balled men are good and true. Hitler, Lance Armstrong, I could go on. But, unfortunately, the occasional bad apple.

We've all had one bad apple, that's why we've only got one left but the occasional bad apple you know maybe it would be better if they'd removed Nigel Farage from the testicle and with the testicle maybe that's what happens. Maybe Nigel Farage is the testicle. That's sort of where my own work has been taking me this idea. So we've got to fuel the ditch that stopped Brexit, the ditch that voted in Labour, methodical, got to keep doing it because Labour will be out of power if it isn't done every single day. That's why I'm coming down back from every gig. I don't record all my stone clears I'm not a maniac I mean you know I know this is an

interesting podcast but I'm not sure it's that interesting you can listen every day but certainly once a week it's fascinating it's full of good advice nettles in the fields. Wow. Just looking for just a stone, just one stone. Oh, there we go. Is that a stone? What is that, a leaf? There's a stone.

Oh, these are poor, very slim pickings. That's the smallest of the day. And I've got two stones here that are going in the ditch. Still have to find one for the alphanomagic again. Thank you, ditch. Thank you for stopping in brexit thank you for stopping Nigel Farage you could have also if you'd stop me getting a little wet and disgusting but you know can't have everything. Ah right well I've got my got three little bits of shrap for the A and O

can. Just a quick one this week need to look after my human children, fortunately. They recover from my work. Sometimes me and my work must suffer. But there we go, as predicted, dirty fingers. Wetter trousers than I could ever have imagined would be happening. They're usually a little bit wet, just from the excitement. I feel like a smell. I've just had a bath and heading down Duckets Pass it's time to check your emails and Come on, have you been for a poo? What do you want to do? Do you want to do a poo before I do the emails? What are you smelling there?

What can the smell? What can you smell? Are you coming? She's coming. And prickle grass has been in touch. prickle wool grass has been in touch. High rich, sad to hear that stone clearing may be coming to an end. I don't know what I do with myself I use it to masturbate to each night and that's the only way I can sleep. Well that's very inappropriate prickle, I did not need to know that. Did I mention I'm an 18 year old woman it doesn't it doesn't make any difference it's inappropriate to

to masturbate to this this is not a set this is not for your sexual pleasure I regret talking about my penis at all now now I know what's going on you're only human only section blood I have one day to be made of pure stone And such concerns will be gone from me Anyway, Rich This is me, Frickle again. I don't know why I'm saying that in the middle of an email. Obviously it's still me Can you please make sure you keep doing the stone-coaling whatever happens in your other life? I cannot guarantee anything I'm afraid.

I'll always do my best. I'll Kaila. I will do my best. But we'll have to wait and see. Or maybe, maybe one next week. I'm away for a few days. I'm in Alton, I'm in Froome, I'm in Bristol. Come on my Bristol peach, where are you guys? I've got lots of tickets to sell there, I'm usually. Sheffield this week. And then Guildford, Norwich, so there. And Andover, somewhere to finish. Right, we're back home. it's just started to rain properly

doesn't really matter too much to me as I am wrecked. I will wish you a fine day because you're my fan friends and see you next week I hope. Next time on the old photon clearing. Liffen to the bird-fan-tree, Don't listen to your underpants, Listen to the stone, Listen to the stone, And they in turn, I'll lifern to ye, my friend, my fine friend. You have been Liferning to Stone Clearing with Richard Herring with me, Richard Herring, the Wolfie the Dove, plus a a very wet damp field and crutch area. The musical to my my cough grave, the voice of the photons is Michael Fahey. Listen to the stones my friend

and they fowl listen to your underarms. And they in turn vowed liven to ye, my friend, my fine friend. Music Music Music Music Music Music Music Music

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