Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 165

Episode Date: July 15, 2024

Chapter 165 - Ftone Pole Fail. It's 5.10pm approx on 15th July 2024 and the end of stone clearing steps ever nearer, but that has always been the case, that's the nature of time. It's another disappointing clear as Richard is hampered by vegetation and lack of fitness and peanuts in his throat. But you have to liften anyway. Juft in cafe fome pearl of wifdom droppeth from his ftupid mouth. Just be glad you don't live in America where the FF don't kill in an honourable fafhion.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my band flag hag friends, welcome to Tone Clearing, the 1 pic 5, which I was, it's 5.10 p.m. on 15th July 2004. I'm now 57 years young. First recording of stone clearing, in fact the first of all I've done because I've just got home tour shows Can't could stone clear on tour despite my claims in us the last chapter. I can't lie to you It's a cloudy day, it's a bit cold. I've actually put my north face jacket on in July Imagine that north face exceptional face of climate change as we trudge ever closer to possibly the final stone clearing ever meeting a lot of fans out on the road of course

a lot of mainly 18 year old women obviously those are the main fans of the podcast come here wolves several thousand of them a lot of them pretend sorry wolves, just trying to get some of this fur out of your tail. It's all bolting. Most of the people come and pretend they don't listen to snow and stone clearing, but a few of you tip me the week. Anyway, so I've just been eating some crisps and nuts. I've given myself some energy.

So, sorry if you can hear that swirling around my aged mouth. And here we are on the stocian and the crops looking very brown. Still here though, I guess they'll be harvested soon I hope I'm here when Stone Crismith comes, Stone Crismith comes but once a year and when it does brings good stones. Right picking up a few tiny bits of shrapnel for the old Alpha and Omega. Oh god, pretty tired, it's been a pretty tiring week of gigs, had birthdays, did three gigs in about 27 hours on the weekend, which was nuts. Nuts, get it, because I was talking about my testicles. So yeah here I am back on the field back on the Stotion. Similar problems to the more recent chapters

just waiting for these horrible rapeseed pods to be harvested and then we can get on with the proper business you know I might come back, if I haven't finished I might come back. Just clearing a good medium stone there but it was already off the field I've just thrown it a bit further after it was a bit too close to the edge for my liking. I mean this path still more stone than soil this is the bit I've mainly cleared I can see some nice stones in amongst the vegetation there but I don't know if I can get to them. to have to pull the old finger out of my anus.

It's in there at the moment. It makes it hard to stone clear, so I'll have to do that. I've got three little stones. I'm going to chuck them into the base of this tree. There are quite a few little stones there. That's developing into a nice hidden cairn actually. Someone's cut the grass here so you can see what's going on. That was just going in the blackbill bushes, they've been cut back a bit as well. There's a wolfie off

running ahead. I wasn't pooped yet, for those who are interested in that aspect of the podcast. She seems to be looking for her harbour for her be cool matter. Just now you can tell just from the the way she darts around. Maybe nearly time to drop a load although she's not done it she's come back onto the path. Two more stones just grabbed here and I think they're going to have to go into the nettles so it's not really a very good place here. Someoneones again tending to their lawn. I feel they may just

throw the stones back on if I don't hide them in the underground. Bramble's looking nice and hopefully UK stone-clothing won't get as fractious and weird as American stone-clothing where people start shooting each other over big issues like this. Of course many English stone cleavers are murdered, but in a refined way, not involving firearms, just being smothered or forced to eat stones until they die. It's a fitting punishment. From the stone stars his point of view. I do not think it's a... I don't even see it as a punishment. To become one with the stones. It's my ultimate dream

So hopefully I'll survive out here. Don't want to take a pot shot at me, but you never know You don't know what's coming next in your life, that's the thing everyone Just enjoy your life while you can because let's face it we're all pretty fucked but I think it's time to clear your fields so earthly concern should not be with you my friend for the affairs of man are not when compared to the affairs of stones for they are the reason and the way in the life

and the reason we are here. So I'm taking a little tassel off really, it's not too official because I'm in a bit where the crops are a bit sparse so it's not something you could possibly get away with. There's an egg, coloured and sized. One looks like a little bird's egg there, but it wasn't. It was a stone. I wouldn't take an egg off. Don't take the eggs off the field, for the eggs aren't stones, however stone-like they may look.

Don't, the eggs are not worth your time don't take their eggs off the field so it's an important concern it's important of the concern in the medieval times for the right songs about that reminding people not to take eggs. stones are fine stones that look like eggs must be they go as well but if you see an egg or an egg shell or a chicken leg leave it to the field not one of the best medieval songs it sounds like they just made it as they went along. Couldn't even bother to make most of it rhyme. We're up to this bit again, it's not wet at least today, so it's very dry.

These pods are really brown in colour. They're scratching me. Metals to the left of me, rape to the right of me. It's a dangerous business out here even without the stone stars. We don't see much of Dewey these days, we haven't seen much of them. I think Covid took out a few of them and disinterest. Also I think it's just too much of a pain in the arse. Ow! I just got stung by a thistle. Too much of a pain in the arse to come out here when it's this difficult to get round the old field.

Out of shape, very much out of shape, went for a mum and shared a rez on my birthday. Didn't get all the way round, but thought I'd be fitter than I am. Let it all go and it's important to stay fit, it's important to stay alive for the stones, for the stones, the stones alone. And yeah this is a real jungle right here, never even metaphorically but also literally. I can't even see my hand in front of my face, let alone a stone on the ground.

So I'm going to let you off horse, you're going to behave. Go ahead across. Come on, off you go. Go, go. We'll head across Come off you go Little stone onto the can across from main can I found it on the pathway it's nice But I don't think I'm gonna be finding many stones through here once again same issue But that's why we're on the intermediate levels now, we're not pretending this is easy.

Wolfie chasing the stone I've thrown there, come, Wolfie come back! To risk actually just, I've only thrown, oh, my mum, Wolfie returned, went at my mum, just with her nose. Yeah, so risk throwing the stones to the edge from here, because of course, it could be... Wolfie wants to chase that, and never get that to the edge. That's got closer to the edge, Wolfie's chasing it. Ah, I'm spent. I'm spent. I've got too old for this shit. That's Wolfie up my arse again. She's back. She only stepped on my shoe that time. Once you've been up my arse once, you don't go up again.

It's a little thing I've learnt in my life, and others have learnt to their costs. So I'm being scritched by the crop, hoping it will be gone next time I come here. They can't leave it much longer. Got a few more dates away. Guildford, Norwich and Andover. And then just Rohellas to put in the autumn. London and Birmingham. And then we might find ourselves back on the old frog and toad road February, March, April, maybe May next year. Doing more, can I have my ball back? If you want to come and give me the secret nod of the stone clearers, if you're a proper stone clearer you'll know what that nod is.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you haven't been listening intently enough because I've done the nod a lot on here, and if you're listening intently I think you've worked out what it was. If you're just listening casually or to fall asleep, as some of you are, then you won't have noticed the nod. It's a special nod, you can't just guess at it, so it makes a sound. And I would like you to replicate it if you see me. I picked up a stone. It's a small large. It's the only one I found on this journey across the field. But one is better than none, as they say, in the stone clearing business. Two is better than one. Three is better than none as they say in the stone clearing business.

Two is better than one. Three is better than two. Five is better than one, two, three, four, or none. And so on. A hundred is better than any of the numbers I've said. Just as it goes higher the higher the better. So I'm going to just see if we can pop along to the stone pole just to give you a little bit of extra

content before we head for home. I've just picked up a stone there that's gone nicely along the fence helping the wall grow. There's some nice stones here actually. If I got down on my hands and knees I think I could crawl into the crops and get those but I might just wait for the plough, she doth come. The harvester, she doth come. Oh and there's some poo here but there's a couple of nice stones just in the path. Oh I dropped, it's already dry poo so I dropped it onto the poo but don't worry, none of the poo got on the stone. I mean maybe like a molecule, poo, poo molecules maybe there.

But no, real poo. Two stones, I need three more. Oh, that looks like quite a nice one. I am stepping into the crops, fighting a moth. Oh, that's a big one. I mean, by today's standards I've got five. Some big, some small. One's turned a bit green with moths. Look how breath I am am this is crazy fucking hell it's not good I mean that you know it's been it's been a long weekend and I I could probably be going to bed, work up early thinking of stones.

Right no one around as far as I can see but it is a danger here because of course, well I thought that was the stone pole, that's how out of practice I am. A regular fence post was the stone pole, the stone pole is's how out of practice I am sort of regular fence post was the stone pole, the stone pole is a little bit hidden away, Wolfie's ready to jump at it oh that's a bad miss that's a bad miss that's a bad miss three well none out of three none out of four oh none out of five very out of practice we'll try and get a pic of the old stone pole just to remind you what it looks like. I'll show you how difficult it is with all these plants in the way but I did try an underarm throw

there as well which was probably not the right way to go. It's been a while since I've done a nought out of five not sure I've ever done a nought out of five before. One of them actually hit the bar by one bounce back in again which was good. A couple went through the fence. Come on Wals, let's go back. So disappointing, that's very bad news. Bad luck is going to come all our way. But if you head to gofastestrike.com slash badges, subscribe at a very high level. You should find that the luck doesn't hit you quite as badly. But I'm not looking forward to, you know, hope I get home. That's my only hope, after such a bad stone throw. Oh, look, this is a nice area for stones, look.

I mean, when I look at something like this, it's just a scree of stones here. And I'm thinking to myself, can I really do this in the next couple of weeks? Suddenly the task seems like almost ridiculously difficult and I'm not even looking beyond the first meter or two of the field. I just have to hope that all the stones are kindly the edge and that some of them are going to move themselves. If you believe, I saw a bit of nut caught in the back of my throat there. Not that kind of nut. Oh, there's a nice one that's calling to me.

A little brown, looks like a little Cabbage Cream Egg. And that is including the song. Just look at that. Look how look how much like a cabbage cream egg that looks like like one that's been a bit melted and splashed on maybe we'll put that on the main can, it's good enough I think for that we're going to carry it a small way it's brown, it's egg shaped shaped don't you prefer to looks like a chocolate egg even though chocolate does not exist in our world yet you can clear that as long as it's not a

chocolate egg for me that's your game if he's got some game from what it is I hope he's got some game, I don't know what it is. We are approaching a blind corner here. I have got a stone in my hand, and the stone stars, you see this? Obviously it seems to be looking something, but I see nothing. I see no ships in there, but just put it not on the actual main camera, but just around the corner. If you see a chocolate egg as you go past if you know where my special secret field is

all right I think you can come off the lead wolf just in case you do need a plop She's running away looking intently around for something or someone. Oh that's a nice one as well, is that too hidden away for me to get? I think that's too aware, have I got my... Wolfie might be pooping. I've got my trowel in the pocket, I've got my... Usually I've got my jacket. Oh it's massive this one. I've got my trowels in the pot because I've got my... Usually I've got my jacket. Oh, it's massive, this one.

It's not that big, but... I don't know how it's... It's like soil colour, but it's the size of... It's like almost a square. The size of... So what do you say that's the size of a wolf? It's more... I like one of those small pieces of toast but about four times thicker than those small pieces of bread. Or the size of a very small book. I'd say it's a square, five centimeters, well, cube, void, about five centimeters by three

centimeters. Actually, I'll tell you what reminds me of the model I make of my test sculpture for the show, which is six centimeters by 4.4 centimeters by two centimeters. It's almost exactly that. So I've got an offering for the ditch that stopped the Tories, the ditch that saved Donald Trump, the next President of the United States. How has he wangled that? America's over, isn't it? Anyway, the ditch is very much behind Donald Trump for some reason. It's the ditch that deflected the slot, the shot. It was turning to look at this ditch

that saved our beloved X and future present. Nice to know he's going to let all those guys who did the riots out Nick that's good they'll be heroes maybe get a statue I can see no harm in him becoming president he's done it once and we were all fine so better than fine Covid oh yeah it's quite bad right I do have my little trowel to dig up a few some nice stones here. One of them's going sort of halfway into the ditch, the other two are going to the alphanomic again.

Well, it's been a short episode this week, but I've literally just got back from Sheffields, going to do another podcast record tonight talking to the fantastic Michael Regman for the book club podcast, do look out for that one. Right, wolves, come here. I'm not sure she peeped or not because I was picking up stones and you know to be honest it's not my job to tell you about. Then my daughter's a poops. Let's have a look at the old email. See what's been going on. We've got an email in.

There's a lot to choose from. I'm just going to have to almost do the digital equivalent of just sticking my finger in the book, seeing where it ends. This one is from Aeroplane Aerial. Maybe I think Aerial is the first name. Aerial Aeroplane. I mean that's a cool thing to do, if your kid's called aeroplane to give them the name aerial. Aerial's a nice name from the Tempest and stuff. Aeroplane. Yeah, of course it's an aerial aeroplane.

It's in the air, innit? Anyway they say, I enjoy the Stone Clearing podcast but but I'm more interested in dog poop than stones. Hope that's not offended you. It does offend me. Hey, you know, I don't mind doing interesting dog poop, but not more than stones. Where can we find the podcast you promised about clearing up dog poop and dogs pooing or something like that? I can't quite remember what it was now, but I am still interested in finding out about it even though I don't remember what he said. Um yeah just if you just uh if you just put uh dog poop wolfie with wolfie dog when you're in the search engine maybe a conversation come up.

So uh yeah if you want to hear that that is a companion podcast in this. Often just the same podcast goes out and the people who like dog poop and not stones are annoyed just as the people who like stones and not dog poop are annoyed in this one. Anyway, I don't really want dog poop questions for this podcast if possible, that's the last one I'm going to answer. Right, off course we go. Well I hope you've enjoyed today's instalment, it's not been very exciting but sometimes, in some ways, it's going to be a little bit dull. I don't want to tell you that, but sometimes it's a little bit boring.

I've had a peanut, largely I've had from my throat all the way through, if that makes it more interesting for you, if you like having a penis in my mouth, a peanut in my throat, I should say, then that should make it a bit better. They can't all be gold dust, but lucky this one is. We'll leave it there, hopefully be back next week, early next week for one more, for the summer holidays, to see how long we can carry it on, see how many more stones there are to clear. Hopefully get an idea that the crops get taken in. I'm feeling the, you know, there will be a lot of stubble down there, which may

mean we have to wait longer until the field is actually ploughed for the next lot of crops. Will I be there for that? Who knows. But until that day we will carry on until the day comes and it ends. Either I end or we clear all the stones. Enjoy your stone clearing. Keep this podcast secret as you don't seem to be doing. Don't get peanuts caught in your throat. Just be very careful if you've got a peanut in your mouth at all. Spit it out.

Thank you very much for listening. You alright? We'll give you some food. Say hello to the people. No? Okay. That was me trying to make her but she's not playing ball. Another ball pun. Bye bye. Listen to the stone, my friend, And they're helping ye merry dance. Don't listen to the bird and tree, Don't listen to your underpants, Lift them to the stones, Lift them to the stones, And they in turn, I lift them to ye, My friend, my fine friend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring, starred me, Richard Herring, and Wolfie the Dog, with no stone stardsy whatsoever. The music is by Mike Coughgrave, the voice of the Patones is Michael Fahey. Bye, Kopehi! Don't lift unto the birth and tree, Don't lift unto your under-hands, Lift unto the stones, Lift unto the stones, And they in turn found liberty to ye, my friend, my fine friend.