Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 166

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Chapter One Fix Fix - Fifyphean Fubbuteo Fuccubuf. It's 1.05pm on 21st July 2024 and the fun is fhining and Richard is starting to worry that he may not clear the field in time and is worried about the consequences of that failure. But there's probably still time and if not there is still time to learn some new stone-clearing terms. But there are big changes on the field, with a destroyed boundary and some kind of animal burrowing beneath one cairn and the ever present danger of death by hemlock or feduction by the ftone ftafi. Plus why Richard wants stone clearing to be inclusive of all people.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my fan flag guys, welcome to chapter 1 fix fix. They said it would never get started, everyone said it will never get to chapter one thick thick and yet here we are on the 21st of July 2024 so quickly after the start uh five past one in the afternoon it's lunch time stone clear oh I tell you what I forgot I want to grab this thing we'll just come back I've just got a bit of garden waste to put on the communal. A slag heap, not a slag heap, compost heap. I was thinking of slag hags too, I think of the flag hags too much. Compof. I am not mental. What have I done there? Got a little olive branch it is. It's not literally what Ch was saying. Stay here, there's cars coming, can you hear, you got ears?

Come on, anyway for those people who said I'd never get to one thick fix, here I am on one thick fix, exactly what you said wouldn't happen. Here I am on one-fick-fix exactly what you said wouldn't happen. Don't know why you chose one-fick-fix exactly. Probably get the one-fix heaven. No guarantees. No guarantees in this life of one thing I've learnt. Don't take anything for granted. You don't know where your next stone is coming from.

Anyway, it's a balmy day. The clouds are scudding. The weather is easy. There's a sun out there somewhere in the sky. There's a butterfly floating around by, and another one's a white one and a red admiral one. Just give me some colour here, some literal colour there. Green, grass and stuff just tripped on the stick. Been doing a bit of gardening this morning with my kids just to give the appearance normality. Almost a wee, if you're interested. We're on Duckens Passage. All it deserves is time travel abilities. Perhaps dog wee is what makes the time travel work. We don't know. I'd be a fool to stop it just in case.

There's a bit of brick in my path I'm just gonna count as my half-renomicent. The nettles are high there just on the compost heaps I've just chucked. Wow look how brown the crops have become now. I mean this clear is sort of breaking the rules of stone clearing, not that there are any rules of stone clearing. At first actually I don't know if I've told you this in previous hundred and sixty five chapters there are no rules to stone clearing second rule only stones that have been cleared from the field count and any stone brought onto the field is kerfied. They have cleared a couple of

little pebbles as well just to make up for the curse. So I don't think the alphanumeric of gods would be furious with me but you know they're the two gods that you don't really want to fuck off. I mean there's only one of them I think as well isn't there? But there's two of them. They're the same is what i'm saying some eggshell there not clearing that technically a mineral probably but i'm counting it as organic material i don't need to tell you that rule by chapter 166 certainly some of this is hopefully permeated through to your thick skulls I'm going to try and clear the field just in case I can't come back. Whoa, Wolfie Harris, what are you doing?

I'm going to pull my arm off that, chasing some kind of... I'm going to try and get the clear the field just in case I can't come back. Whoa, Wolfie Harris, what are you doing? He pulled my arm off, chasing some kind of bird. Wolfie, come here. In a nice medium stone. The ground is just damp enough that you can lift even quite embedded stones out with your fingernails. It's the perfect stone clearing conditions really. On the pathway, no. even quite embedded stones out with your fingernails. It's the perfect stone clearing conditions really. On the pathway, no. But under the crops

you know, Wolfie is very desperate to eat some kind of grouse or something she saw running through. You're not going there darling, look you're on the lead. Now it's just some little tiny birds. Leave them alone. You're so big Wolfie we feed you at home just a little kick there for a flick to kick called it a fabutio that's what I call that a flick to kick haven't told you that before have I it's a fabutio and it was just one on the edge it was to my left those to the left can be left those to the right that's not right

but sometimes you can get the ones on the left further left you can corbin the little fuckers make sure they're far left enough you don't want a stama a futama you want to Corbyn. That's not a political message that's just the case on the field you make your own decisions about how you vote, who you vote for. Doesn't bother me. Another flixer kick there, that one was on the path, a little bit of fabutio there. Fabutio! I was in the sabutio club, I hope you were too. Because I learned some very important skills there.

Like my cousin, my perfect cousin Kevin. He always beat me at saboteo! Because he flicked a kick and I didn't know! Actually I never flicked a kick either, I sort of shoved to glove. But I loved the bit of saboteo and it stood me in good stead because what is this if not a really big game saboteo with a billion balls and no players and quite different rules that is that's what i would say about it again very hard to see there's lots of stones i can see but they are right in the crops amongst the crops so it's frustrating and i know i have

to finish this job i'm trying to finish it at a time when the farm lazy farmer Just think so. Let's let those rape seeds grow a bit longer dry out a bit more and see where we're at There's madness to his Methodism I'm sure but Wolfie doing a poop Think I'm going to clear this one up I'm being considerably close to the edge of the field where someone might walk and it's actually landed in a bit of dry grass or something

Right, come here, it's quite firm, it's had quite loose stools of late this is obviously going in the dog poo podcast that you're probably also subscribed to now as well can't just unfortunately it's very hard to make a living just from this stonepooing podcast but the dog poo one is bringing in the proper money it's all actually aerial poo, it's all caught up. It's done quite well there, picking most of it up. A few little globules have fallen underneath this dry grass. I think it's actually pretty safe because it's too small to pick up anyway. It's just some little little scraps there we go

we've got some dog shit to carry around with us now for the rest of the time hope you're happy with yourself powered by a Follaro today my daughter was glad we hadn't had my lunch yet my daughter had had lunch and had a Follaro for pudding dropped it on the floor wouldn't eat it I ran under a tap. It was a bit hairy, but I've eaten that. So that's all I'm powered by today. So I might start to slightly waver.

It's very important when you're sewing clearing to have as full a belly as possible, because that wouldn't always have been possible in the ancient days. You can always fill your tummy with stones as long as you put those stones on the side of the field. And I'm clearing some nice bits here there's a nice desert of stones here. I just have to hope when this is all cleared off that there just aren't any stones on the vast majority of the field and they're just around the edge. I mean there's still a lot here and I hope I don't move before Stone Christmas. That would be a shame. But post tour, thanks to everyone who came to the tour. If you haven't let me know. See this secretly, but you listen to this secret podcast. Thanks for keeping secret, don't let anyone know about this podcast. Oh you're not. And it seems that to sell arrows aside I may be entering a new realm of fitness today yesterday I was pretty healthy and I'm hoping I can shed the

weight that I've put on in the first six months of this year, partly due to mild dizziness and not being able to exercise, partly due to eating too much fucking chocolate. Trying not to eat too much fucking chocolate goes not what stunts learning is about. Even though it provides you temporary energy and excitement and sort of a drug-like buzz. sort of a drug like buzz it's not good for you will kill you black chocolate dark chocolate if I committed a faux pas there and a dark chocolate that's what it is more is is actually quite good for you, but only in small amounts. According to Michael Moseley. May he rest in peace.

Another great stone clear I lost. Stone star, I see, probably responsible. So I'm at the cairn across from the main cairn. And a little bit of butterscotch. A butterscotch coloured, butterscotch shaped. butterscotch sized stone goes on that ken and another just in the path. I'm taking the long way round for you today. I feel you've been a little... what's the word? You've been a little bit not got enough podcasts. What's the word for that i can't remember i can't remember things anymore

but uh as long as i remember how to clear stones that's the main thing so i'm gonna sabutio this one this is from the the right so that was right it's now on the left and that's where i've left it Oh, he's been here. Another flic to kick. Right, we're coming up to, well not quite yet to the Finging Ring tree. Today could be the day. There's a lot of nettles that have already been stung quite a bit. The Thiffle, with her hairy beards now. That white beard's the old man thiffle. We've been through the cycles of the earth a few times haven't we through the course of this podcast. But it's always nice to see the old man thiffle. Still rolling. There's on the left, there a Corbin it though Corbin'd it getting some new terms today this one's on the right i'm going to sabootie out

there just on the right now it's on the left sort of uh between Stama and Corbin over there who that is uh Ed Miliband doing a lot of uh used footwork today and why not? Why the devil not? This path is a little bit wider than it's been. Oh there's a big bit of metal there. Look at that, how does that lie in there? Big bit of ancient metal. Look at that, I think it's come off a plough. It usually has. Shall we take a picture of that ancient bit of metal? Sometimes you find bits of metal. But see, they're not usually... How was that? How's that just suddenly appeared?

Now after all this... Woof, come put your nose in here for scale. There's your feet for scale, you've just got in the way. Bit of a plough but it's good enough for me that can come off into the bushes it goes. And I shouldn't be distracted by metal at this time. I've got enough on my plate just getting stone off, but Could have been part of a crown or something I guess that, a bit of metal. And there's some nice stones here, are to the left but there will in danger come back on the top so I'm gonna give those to the singing ringing tree some people will be listening saying Rich don't clear the ones to the left you've got enough to the right to be getting on with well I have faith in myself so I can do this I believe in myself

and if I don't clear this field by the end of August I will kill myself so that's uh that's the jeopardy so just hope that you shut up. Another one to the left there but I'm going to give that to the scenery and trees as well. No the fairy folk did not come out today they don't like the talk of uh you know threatening talk of suicide they do not enjoy that and I made a mistake was saying that just as I passed the tree carrying a bug and carrying a bag of shit as well they don't like that to be honest I don't particularly like that guys onwards we go there's a stick I'm not going to clear that, I'm not going to say anything. Imagine I start cleaning all the sticks as well. There's leaves and all sorts on here,

if you're going to get technical. Another kick. Oh there's a nice one, he's calling right to me, Rich, can you hear me? Please stop pouring metal on me. It's a nice one. I mean it's small, large or medium small., it's so much vegetation and I will just be throwing this one into the void hoping it clinks. When it clinks it just started starting its own cairn. I think the path changes so some of my cairns are now almost in the path. That's why you have to look to your left to see if of these stuff the path changes so some of my cairns are now almost in the path that's why you have to look to your left look left what's left is left and you know make sure you clear as far as humanly possible

each time just in case this happens erosion I mean it's better this on the path than it's on the field I guess but the perfectionist that I am doesn't like to see this travesty of the work already done which is I've gone more into the hedgerow well you're relatively safe but there's some nice stones here's another this one looks like it was one part of a really big stone but it's quite small now another one from the left joining it that's a few there all shouting out you can hear them so there's a little nest, old nest of mine.

I had a couple more to that one just there. It has to go into further. It's on the left but it's going in further. Oh you could drive yourself mad out here if you weren't careful. It's such a Sisyphean, Sisyphus, it's a tusk of sisyphus, sisyphusian, sisyphusian tusk, so that should be for fiffifio, for fiffian tusk. So yeah, hoping to get a bit fitter, a little bit out of breath, you know, this isn't a good sign, but it's already feeling

hoping to get a bit fitter, a little bit out of breath, you know this isn't a good sign, but it's already feeling markedly better. I had my stir fry for breakfast today and that's always a good thing as we head back towards super fitness, get a lot of veg in, get it in early, power this machine, stone stone clearing machine that's my advice to you another fabutio coming up to the corner we haven't been here for a little while have we my friends you might have even forgotten it was here the corner you might thought it just went on forever but there isn't there's a corner we should turn the corner and maybe we have turned the corner maybe nearly there maybe we nearly are let's for all of that sex mainly my sake because I've made a promise and I must see it through one way or the other you could go to the authorities and try and have me stopped but you won't

and then when it happens how will you feel then? You could have saved him but it's what he would have wanted to not be saved. Right we're at the corner oh look and this hedge has all been taken down this is I've tried to build a can between these two fields and some has actually just ploughed the entire this is crazy there's actually some good start up... oh my goodness there's some big bits of concrete out there but all the work I did gone and presumably all those stones rolled into this barricade I wish I could show it to you it's more interesting than... it's maybe more interesting than a bit of metal so this is what happens if you

this was all hi there good girl, we'll stay come on just got a picture of the stone stife, they're quite an attractive lady maybe I'll put that up, blur out her face, maybe I'll just keep it for my personal amusement but yes nearly caught there the actor taking a photo of an Maybe I'll just keep it for my personal amusement. But yes, nearly caught there. The actor taking a photo of an absence of the hedge. Doesn't look weird at all.

That's right. Whilst carrying some dog poop. And yeah, walking through this middle here being pricked as expected by the horrible crop. I think this is probably quite a safe route to take now, I mean they'd be able to come this way now. There'll be scratch marks on my arm, poisonous seeds going into my bloodstream. Could go, that could die here. again if I die finding this tape please put it in the player, it's a c60 and send it to Orange Mark for me to put it up for me when I'm gone. That is my last wish. It is very hot out here

should maybe have brought some water for Wolfie or myself. I mean, this would be a fucking embarrassing way to die when they're so strong. Look, I should be looking for stones. It is just overgrown here, Wolfie. You all right, wolves? You getting scratch scratched? I can see some stones.

There's a lot of stones there, but I don't want to go any deeper into this shit. And I have to, I'll try and figure out how there's a lot of stones there but I don't want to go any deeper into this shit and I have to I'll try and figure out there's one I think I can get relatively easy oh I've done something on this long traverse if this is my last walk it would be a shame not to get a stone out of it onto the central cairn Ken see that guy used to be on Vista Fam in the 90s he was talking to himself in the field taking photos of nothing hope he's alright he once had the world at his feet. Now look at him, oh it's a nice one. Can't believe this is that baby. Oh it's in this one's quite deep. Oh I can't get it. It's all in the stone time. That one is the conditions here, either not quite as malleable or just that was a big stone that was deep deep deep. I tried to pull it out with my

quite as malleable, or just that was a big stone that was deep deep deep. I tried to pull it up with my porosity of fingernails and no luck. So still just one stone cleared so far on this long walk since we saw that lady. Bet you didn't realize that. Don't say stuff that doesn't make sense which you'll look like a laughing stock. So heading home soonish. I'm sort of about halfway I guess. Good to get some bending in this little exercise. I used to do a slightly longer walk so I'll just happen being a bit lazy. Right gonna try and turn right here as the pathway has basically disappeared. Ah! You can hear the crickle crackle. And here we are at the... Oh look at that, it's like a little rabbit warren or something growing in there.

That's nice, a rabbit's living underneath my... ...can in the middle of the field. But that can also getting kicked around a bit, I think, just because people are using it as a crisscross. Just put one big stone back under. Oh my goodness. Right, this is even worse. I've got to pick up five stones to this stone pole here. And I can barely see the ground.

It's actually really horrible. There'd be some... Oh my goodness. It's barely not even a path now. If I go down here no one's going to think of looking for me here. Right, I can see one stone that's definitely gettable here. One! There's a little opening. We're going to be fine. We're up to three. We're not even halfway

to the stonefall yet. Oh, this is horrible conditions. It feels like punishment. It feels a bit like the hair shirt that Thomas the Becket used to wear to get himself close to the god. And I, you know, I will take that. For for the stone gods I will take only punishment I'll rather ironic and it is ironic being scraped by vegetation when all you care about is stone that's a nice one be careful they've been there not to

put myself in the eye the eye is quite an important part I'm not saying blind people can't clear stones but it's definitely more difficult until farmers make their stone fields more accessible to the blind by putting little audio emitters in then you can be sure the deaf people would complain. Quite a lot of the hearing people can probably complain as well. Just thinking about it if there was just loads of of beeps coming from all the stones on the field. Come on, we'll...

I think of these things, guys, if you are... I know there must be a lot of blind people listening to this, because, you know, where else are you going to get your entertainment? And I paint such a vivid picture, I think even if you've never seen in your life, I think you can probably map out exactly what this field looks like

due to my beautiful poetic eloquent way of describing like all the stuff in it, the trees and that. Oh it's my dog shit, that's for people who can't smell, if you're those post-Covid. I think of everyone. Ow fuck. And you wouldn't be glad if you can't walk, because you don't have to come through this shit. So here, look on the right side is what I say. Come to a big clearing and there's loads of fucking stones here. Of course there is. By the old tree.

So I've got seven stones here. After my nought out of five last time, I'm keen to do a little bit better. If anyone around can't see any stone stars. We'll be doing another wee for those of you interested in that. No one coming yet I don't think. We'll have to get in the way. She's got the leads behind me so if she starts running for these stones I'm just going to turn the. Right, dart throw. One out of one. Oh just missed. Oh someone's coming. Just missed. One out of three. One out of four. One out of five. Two out of six. Three out of seven. It wasn't too bad in the end and I had to be fast because

stone stars are on the horizon. So 3 out of 7, still bad luck but not as much as last time. Oh yeah and the other lady from before as I thought might be the case heading towards me now. I might step to one side, we have to be polite good girl stay with this wolf stay here good girl no worries stay will be state good girl state state good girl well done sneaky. Can't be so sneaky clear even though there's stone clear coming the other way, sorry stone stars are coming the other way. And just behind the back of the lady, you could tell from the way she said thank you, didn't hear what she wanted to be, or she was trying to tempt me like a succubus, like a fuckibus. so many potential titles for this tonight today's podcast have to say

fuckibus for bootie oh this if Ian might go with all three I mean you'll know you'll know before me I don't know what that's gonna be that you do. Just look at the old thing on the whatsy. Ah, God, right. I think the other stonestarsie has gone off the field so dupedly. They're often unable to work under their own initiative, they have a plan, a route planned out. Oh, and a nice stone coming up in the path. So it's just been kicked up over months and years.

And let's just try and build this wall up a little bit. It's not going right onto the centre of the main can just on the wall along for me and that is getting some length there's some good girth and length on that one and we're heading down towards the ditch that topped brexit, how many brexit? I'm gonna let you off the lead for a sec. Be a good girl, you've been a good girl so far, haven't you? I'm very proud of you. I can see a potential Brexit ditch cash here, so I'll take it now. Usually quite dry of stones down here, so worrying that I managed to find so many right at the top of the hill heading downwards

I'm going to have enough stones here for the Brexit ditch and the Alphanumeric Cairn. It's sort of not quite on to store them up ahead of time but sometimes... Look at that one! Fuck me! Where are all these stones coming from? The find of the day! Now do I give the big ones to the Brexit ditch, the ditch that got the Tories out? Or do I give it to the Alpha and Omega Gods who I've already angered? I think this big one has to go to the Alpha and Omega Gods. Where is the other stone?

There's loads of stones. Too many. I'm worried. I've made you a promise and I don't want to let you guys down. I've had a good life. There's some more of the old man Thistles. White beard. I think what I'm going to do is give all the...

I've got it back, I've got it back. I'm going to give all the other stones, that's a total of four stones, to the Brexit Ditch. One of them is pretty big, I mean one of them is almost as big as what I'm going to give to the Alps, when I'm with the gods. There they go. And then just one. On to the alfragomican, which by the way I could see through the vegetation for the first time in a while. At least I know this big stone will go on. It's still flat. Flat as the ace of spades. That's what they say, isn't it? About flat things.

Flutters by like a butterfly. There we go, look at the alphorn we can. It does look nice, but there are nettles in the way. I'll take a photo of that for you, but there's too many photos already. Come on Wuss. Well we saw a lot didn't we? I guess that shows that if you don't go to certain parts of the field for a while you'll find you'll see new things there because nature is ever changing. The gate opened to that back garden ominously. Come on Wuss. We're going down Duckett Passage. So let's have a little look at your emails. Again, a lot to get through today. Thanks for everyone who emails in. You know,

I can't read them all out. But I do read all of them and you are disgusting. So, we've got Lavender Tree Tops. Lavender Tree Tops, that's a nice name. And finally, what sounds like a British person, which no, I'm not xenophobic or racist, but you know, this is a British podcast and it is for British people, indigenous British people, like Lavender like lavender tree tops. Hi Richard, I am an Asian person living in America. Damn my racism. Look, you know I'm joking. All stones are the same, all people are the same, only stones are superior to people. All people just lie on the bottom layer beneath all the stones, as it must be shall. Anyway, my ethnicity and country of origins, sorry, content of origin are irrelevant. I'm here to ask you question rights, don't we, obviously. So let's get on with that because I know what the question is. And it's totally a shame to waste time.

Talk about other stuff and I could just get straight to the question. Or observation, it could be, it doesn't always have to be a question. My question is, does the questions, can the comment by email have to be questions or can there be observations? Because I have both. Please let me know. Avada Kedavra tree tops. Well, either as I'm here, so do get back in touch and have avada tree tops with your questions or observations. It's a shame really because a

lot of hundreds of questions have come in and observations as well and it's a shame. I suppose that was a question but it wasn't really about stone foot. Right, just put the dog through the dog dog poo bin. That's going to start to get pretty chunky I think by the time I'm sitting out here in the sunshine I bet it's full to the brim if I know north up. But yeah, about half full. Oh, nasty looking stuff in there. Stuff that no longer looks like dog poo. But that's most of the excellence, tidying it away which we have to be happy about, we can't once again the back door. Well I hope you've enjoyed this extended stone thing, not comparative to the earlier ones but you know since I've got lazy

and good to be back. You know Hopefully a few more to come next week on the holiday. So there's a few little jaunts coming up and then we'll be in the house of course. So who knows when the next one will fall be. And I said the sparrow to his bow and arrow. Okay, thanks for listening. You can see what the title is. I'm going to have a look at the title before I know. And I'll see you on the other side. Enjoy your phyton clearing from me and all the phytones. See you flag hags.

See you 50 yin to them. Liffen to the stone, my friend, And they've a-halving ye a merry dance. Don't liffen to the bird fan-tree, Don't liffen to your underpants, Listen to the stones, Listen to the stones, And they in turn I'll listen to ye, My friend, my fine friend Vatone clearing with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog plus the feck thee Vatone Ffraffy lady The music is by Mike Cockrey, the voice of the Vatones, I think it's Michael Faheem Listen to the fount Lift them to the stones, In turn, foul liven to ye, my friend, my fine friend.