Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 176

Episode Date: November 15, 2024

Chapter 176 - Ye Ten Commandmentf. It's the morning of the 15th November 2024 and Richard has returned to the Stocean, but there's someone missing. And there's loads of blinking stones. Madrigals and commandments proliferate and there's a break down in the recording but you don't miss much. Plus should we judge people by their crimes or their stone clearing. Plus the millions of emails Richard has had about the podcast stopping.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my finest friends, hello flag ha 1, 7, thick. Yeah, we're back. I'm back in the village. So I'm going to take a little wander up to the field, have a look around, see how things are going. See if any new stones have arrived since I successfully cleared it all. I think that's what happened in the last episode, last chapter. The path has been repaired. I don't remember all the floods that happened on the podcast. Anyway the floods had taken the path away. It's still a big ridge down the middle of the Duckett's Passage. And what's weird about today's podcast and the big risk I am taking is that I do not have my dog with me. This is the first time I've ever been stone clearing on my own.

No protection. I think the Phthom Phthaphi have been scared off a little bit by the dog over the years and also of course it is my alibi but she was getting quite annoying in terms of you know bringing the stones back onto the field after I cleared them. And we're here, we're on the field and there's a grass-like crop growing. Just the shoots come through and I can immediately see a nice medium just sitting here, just a few feet out. I'm going to put that on the alphanumeric end. There's another one. I mean how the hell do two mediums just appear in this place that I've cleared probably the most of anywhere on the field? Is someone putting the stones back? I don't know. Well this lesson today is I would say

it's more of an advanced lesson because this is something even I don't know about is how to stone clear without your decoy dog. And yeah it's not quite as fecund as it was when I left it. There are stones here, you can see them poking out between the grass sheets. Here's a whole scree of small mediums. I'll get three of those off into the brambles. I saw something over here I would like the look of it. There he is. Once you stop, you can't pop can you? That's the thing. stop you can't pop can you that's the thing because if you look down there's a billion stones here that was the one that was calling to me hello rigid hello I've been talking to Poppy Hilsted for her podcast about stone clearing it

sounded a bit mad when I explained it to her but she was quite intrigued and has threatened to come up to the field with me. I will allow her to know the secret location. I did explain that once we're out here all no laws apply. She's slightly worried about that I might murder her which I would never probably would never do. Of course there is no recourse to law for anything that happens during a stone clearing session. There's no rules to stone clearing that's one of the rules. That's rule number one in fact and the second rule is that means you can do anything you like and the laws of normal humanity do not apply. So the laws of the stone gods the commandments they sent down from an high commandment one have no other god but the stone gods commandments two stone gods they brill, don't forget that, that's important.

Commandment 3, clear the stones. Commandment 4, when you've finished doing that, do some more stones. Commandment 5, barely. 5. Barely, must attempt to replace all your body organs with stones. Gonna do a Hasselhoff, it's a highly illegal Hasselhoff over young crops but I've seen some stuff, I've seen some sites can't even claim I'm doing anything with the dog that's the problem that's one medium I've just thrown a sundae there's loads out here when you get out here that's the problem where was I commandment six pick up sticks no don't pick up sticks. No don't pick up sticks. Government 7, if it's organic no need to panic.

More of a piece of advice that one. Oh I found some nice stones out here while I'm out here. These can go on my new cairn under the tree. Right, better hassle hop back before it gets discovered out here. Well, it's weird to be back. It feels like a long time to a Commandment 7. Lucky number 11. Commandment 8. Don't masturbate. You must not masturbate directly onto the stones. However sexy they appear. But you can wee on them.

That's commandment 9, you can wee on them if you want, don't have to, not much of a commandment that one. Commandment 10, do it again. Which is where the, you know, that Mercer Iham got that last bit from, from the stone god commandments. But nice to share those with you. Obviously I've got them committed to memory, I could do all that again. Right now if I needed to, hopefully you've got it on tape. Hopefully if it's worked. So sorry if you've missed this, I've been inundated with emails. Of course, people saying, what the hell, where's the next stone clearing? Come on, can I send pictures of my naked body to you? All the usual stuff.

No, you must not do that. And stop sending in emails. I'll do these when I'm ready to do them. Thousands of emails I've had. It's going gonna probably be hard to work through the emails afterwards. But the nice thing about this, it shows it is possible. There's a man working on my roof at my old house.

Just trying to fix a couple of leaks, well that's neat. Hopefully we haven't lost too much, that seven minutes 10. Let's have a look, yeah. Well, we might have lost too much there, 7 minutes 10. Let's have a look. Well, we might have lost a bit there. Yeah, we've lost four or five minutes. What? Why did it stop? Anyway, I'm just taking a photo of the scree. Well, that's annoying. I think I might have lost some great stuff there.

But that's just the way of the stone gods. Sometimes they give, sometimes they take away, sometimes they deliberately. That's a nice one. I found a really big stone as well during that. So yeah that was the scree where the water came down the hill and washed away all the stones and cleared the stones themselves. Remember that as if the gods were saying Richard your work here is done, but it's not done. The stone-clad work is never done. There are some good stones, oh there's another good one out there. Sitting up like a dog begging to be taken off. And I will make his dreams come true. true. A few here, oh another one there. There's a lot of stones out here, this is a good one. That's not the one, but that's nicely off. This is the one that was sitting up and begging,

got him. There's a one that looks like a and begging. Got him. It's a brick, but I don't think it is a brick. Oh, there's some beauties out here. It's nice to be back. And I thought I'd pretty much finished here, but I can see there's still a little work to go. A little work to go. I've found his friends. So I don't know if you heard me saying I've got new headphones, probably not. But maybe the new headphones aren't that good. Because for some reason my podcast was interrupted. Still rolling? Yeah, still rolling. Well you've lost three or four minutes of absolute gold dust. Sorry about that, I hope you've got all the commandments in. I'm not doing that again. Not as stone-sizing to be seen. Maybe they've relaxed thinking I've gone. They thought they'd won the battle but they only won the war. Oh clearing some nice stones here there. There goes another one to the base of the trees.

Another one to the base of different trees. That one's going to the base of the same trees as the last one. And I guess that rainstorm has revealed, as it's all settled down, it has revealed a lot of new stones. The thing is, even when you think the job's done the plow she doth come even when thou think thou's doneeth the plow doth come and the plow doth spineth the soil so it'll spineth the foil around and about it'll make you think to make you felt no one will know what the fuck you're on about when the rain when the plow come magical and in the can opposite the main can I've got a nice chunky round potato there, big one, the size of a cricket ball, bigger than a cricket ball. We'll get ahead across.

It's just going to be a short episode today because we can't really, it is wrong, we have to bring the dog. I've been pondering about getting a bike, a decent bike and cycling up here once a week which obviously means I can't bring the dog but I think I might have to drive and bring the dog to really feel comfortable you know I think I feel too scared about what might happen to me out here I feel exposed all right this is a long way to go for this throw. I've got halfway across the field, about a quarter of the way across the field. Woyah! That was no good at all.

Plain coming into land. And the ground nice and firm today. I mean it's not great for stone clearing but actually just wet enough that if you give the bigger stones a kick they come off in your hands. And I love it when a stone comes off in my hands. A few little stones here. The question is do I carry them or should I roll this one down the path so I can see how far I can get down the path for another time to veer off the path a little bit. Might have lost it. This guy really wants to come off today and this one does so just taking a slight diversion of the path I'll bring you a little mate as well

that might be your sibling stone it's more when we get to this second half of the of the pathway we start to see the bigger stones which again it's not what stone clearing is about all stones are equal. Oh this is a beautiful caramel covered shape with the country of Italy. Caligula is a little boot. The thing is these guys are calling to me. There's another one calling to me from a distance. They're kind of willing me to be discovered. They're on different sides of the path as well. Those little

looms are nice as well. I can see no one's coming though. So we'll take this guy an exceptional stone but exceptionally calling out to me yeah I was fucking living in a dream world if I thought I was gonna clear this before I moved there's like just billions of stones out here oh and that one's led me to another beauty bit of Roman villa there as well I think there's just a stone I'll take you off as well mate I'm getting to the point where I've got too many stones. Oh I've dropped one. I've dropped the sibling stone. I want to get that guy as well. I'm getting in Indiana Jones territory now. Trying to grab too many riches. That's got to be it. Those ones are right by the path. I can come back for those.

Another day. The important thing is, I guess, is we're here and we're queer and we're drinking strawberry beer. Those are the important things. It's good to be back to quote Gary Glitter. Find the stone clearer. I don't care what else he did in his life. If a man clears stones, thou shalt not kill unless it's a stone, Starzy. That's the number one of the Ten Commandments. For me, even though it's not in the official tent, but G4F had to come along.

Right, well here we are in the main can. I'm going to put all these stones on the main can because it doesn't seem to be growing at all, which you wouldn't expect when I wasn't here but I think I can see the farmer from the field opposite I can see my can up on the hill, Dash I'll have a go back to that one, it's a bit of a climb is that a tractor and a person by a tractor up there? Anyway they're not in this field so we're safe here and I'm looking out over the over the Stotion to see the stones in peril. We need saving. There's one. Little potato. It's off. Coming down to the ditch that stopped Brexit, the ditch that got Kier Stama in the ditch that, if I'd been here, could have stopped Donald Trump coming back. But unfortunately, that I stepped away from the ditch, and that's the kind of thing that

happens when you step away from the ditch. Stay by your ditch, bitch. Keep filling the ditch, bitch. I'm talking to myself there, it's all right to refer to myself, I think, as a bitch. I'm angry with myself for whatever allowed to happen. But the affairs of man mean not, as long as they do not affect the world of stones and I don't know if a nuclear war will affect on stones and nuclear war will have anything of good. It will kill all vegetation and I think it would make it easier for the stones to make

their own way. They might be able to get sentience, I mean beyond the sentience that they have clearly have already. They might get motion and sentience. No offensical stones I'm sorry, oh that came out wrong. I said some things I shouldn't have said. Right well I have a nice big medium there and three stones that are not to be sniffed at, they're going in a ditch. As an apology to the ditch as to try and please ditch, just try and make the next four or five years as kind as they can be. There you can hear the clackity clack of stones going to their

mothers and fathers greeting them with love. Ah there's a fuck load of stuff out here, look at this. Thank you to that rain, I mean this has become a really bad part of the field and it's just bounty beyond your wildest imagining here three mediums to end on and large mediums as well they can go on the can I manage another there's a mushroom I'm not bothered about that I'm going to kick this, this is quite a big one. You need me to kick it? It's going to the side, that's not going in the can, that's just going into the nettles. And nice four stones to the alphanobic can, which might even transform it from the pancake can that it is into something truly beautiful. Right, it's time to look at your letters

and your emails. Got an email in here from Got an email in here from JCB. That's the initials of the person. JCB and the surname. Let me just read that now. I've only read the initials. JCB Broken Glass, hyphenated. Hi JCB. My name's JCB Broken Glass, I know the red and the email header.

Just like to say I'm one of the thousands of people that are really missing StoneClearing. I expect a lot of people have been emailing but they really have JCB. I'm wondering when it will come back. I expect when it looked like it was over you got a lot of emails from people saying, well I don't wish on the amazing achievement if that's the end of it. 175 episodes with this extraordinary artistic project that will change the world. Yeah, you're right, JCP, that did. It would be awful if I just got nothing. After all the work I've put in. I'm glad to say I've got hundreds of thousands. There's a glove on me. That was a metaphor. Anyway, I've got to go because my roof head guy is just there. And you'll see me talking, no big trouble.

Right, nice to be back. Enjoy your stone clearing. Sorry we missed a bit. Goodbye, I love you. The F-DONF, my friend, and they've a halfing year merry dance. Don't listen to the bird fan-tree, don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the F-DONFiffen to the stone, And they in turn Hallifen to ye, My friend, My fine friend.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring, starred me, Richard Herring, but not Wolfie the Dog, she wasn't there. No, the music is by Mike Cofgrave, the voice of the Vatones is Michael Fahean. Listen to the stones, my friend, And they fount in ye merry dance. Don't listen to the birth and treath, Don't listen to your underhand. Lift unto the stones, lift unto the stones, and they in turn fall. Lift unto ye, my friend, my fine friend