Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 177

Episode Date: November 21, 2024

Chapter One Feven Feven - Fexifm. It's just gone midday on 21st November 2024 and a toned Richard Herring, straight from a perfonal training feffion, is out clearing stones from the melting frozen vulva of the soil. Desperate for new listeners to replace the ones who have died from boredom he tries to emulate Peter Kay, Bernard Manning and Ricky Gervais to bring in the clicks, but will it work or will it alienate his two female listeners. No matter, there's some lovely stone clearing to listen to and it's a beautiful day so soak in the winter sun rays (audio only) and liften to the ftones.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my fairness friends, hello flag hags. Welcome to Snow Clearing chapter 177, 21st November 2024, 12.03pm. Just in the afternoon isn't it? Just had a personal training session and it's the perfect excuse, again without Wolfie, to take a little walk around the field as a cooling down process I guess. So you get the pleasure of my company I get to pretend I'm exercising. We have a cold day so I'm not anticipating clearing many stones. There's a nice one just in the path there, move that to the side. Doesn't count, it's not in the field. And yeah, it was frosty this morning, very cold this morning. Sun's been out for a few hours, which has presumably, hopefully melted the earth enough

that I can claw at a few clubs of stone and make your week complete. Thanks for all the thousands of emails I've had this week welcoming the podcast back so so much. I mean I think because social media has gone into a bit of a meltdown probably explains why there wasn't really much for a reaction on Twitter and blue skies only just started so otherwise I'm sure there would have been a lot of reaction so we're here yeah it's actually quite muddy I thought it would be I thought we'd be learning about the winter here but that one just eased out on the ground onto the

alphanomaga scree so yeah a little bit tired. Literally just three minutes ago finished quite an intense workout. Always worried that the workouts will make me dizzy. That's what happened last year. I was super fit. Started getting dizzy in my workouts. Had to lay off the exercise a bit. Now look at the fuck at at me big jolly fat cunt again but we're working on it being back on the old Zoe I'm on my Zoe app my son loves talking about my Zoe app he's on his Zoe app it's good for your Zoe app dad using my running shoes today just because that's what I was wearing for the session, partly thinking that would be OK to go in the field.

I've got some nice trainers that I don't walk about in outside usually, but I knew I'd be outside, so I just wore the running shoes that will take a bit of a battering. Got a nice small Easter egg sized chunkate at the bottom stone there that goes into the fir trees. And we're we're off. We're off on the wacky races. Remember that show? remember that show? Muckney was in it, Dick Dastardly was in it, some cowboys was it, Penelope Pitstop catch the pigeons, just trying to attract in a broader audience, get the old Peter K audience in, I knew Ken under the. It's quite nice actually in the... that looks like a little dog bone that one I just did. Let's take a photo of that.

Still going here. That could be the photo for the... that looks beautiful. That's the latest can taking on some shape there we are moving just look from the screen like nothing's happening wouldn't want to lose any more gold like we did last week new headphones old headphones now repaired more gold like we did last week, new headphones, old headphones now repaired didn't realize there were in warranty still, bought some new ones before I realized, could send them back but KT wanted some so you know, it's all worked out fine and you know it's a very important part of the stone clearing equipment, not for you but for me because I do have to broadcast here, cans free. I thought there was a stone there, it was a piece of wood.

I don't need to move that. Oh! That one turned out to be bigger than I expected. Kicked it and then there was an iceberg, a lot more underneath than on top but it came up nicely it's actually always perfect in stone clearing conditions very hard to clear on this bit there's a little wire fence that doesn't quite reach the ground so if you kick a stone it often bounces off the fence comes back but sometimes snoots under the fence into the into the garden off the field which is of course against all the rules of stone clearing there are no rules of stone clearing that's actually the first rule

if I mention that second rule of stone clearing every stone cleared must remain on the field where it was discovered under pain of death that's why you can't take stones off the field anyone who's got any of my stones that are paid for, you are cursed, probably dead. That would explain the dip in downloads from nine to four. But it's nice to be out here, you know, and it is very weird doing this without the dog. It doesn't feel right. I will try and here, you know, and it is very weird doing this without the dog. It doesn't feel right. I will try and bring her up sometime, but it does fit in quite nicely when I go.

I am coming back to the village for a few things, and this might be the best solution to make it my warm down, or my warm up, before heading in to get super fit like a Superman. You know how I've worked just over the last five six years we've been doing this I've been working hard to get super fit and you can see how well that has worked. Exactly the same as when I started. But stone clearing itself is a workout. Bend, pick up, throw. I mean if you can do it enough and it's lifting heavy bits of tiny bits of stone. You can't, you know, if you find a big stone you have to get that

off so you have to build up that muscle mass. That's why, and it's not being sexist, that's why it is a custom for men, because women, I'm sorry... There are no rules saying women can't, stone clear, but none of them do. No. There we go. It's not sexist, it's just... it's biology. Can't argue with facts. Yeah, become one of those guys. I'm 57, what did you expect?

Can't say anything anymore can you? As this podcast proves. You vote with your podcast clicking finger. You don't like it? Yeah. The thing is, I'm really just trying to put off the the young women, they're more feminist women, um, they keep sending me naked pictures of themselves, which isn't a very feminist thing to do. I'm just trying to make them think. I hope they've turned off now and hopefully the cavalcade of naked images will now stop and I can get on with what matters. The only thing I want to be holding on to at night is a stone and only if I'm aren't still on the field I'm clearing stones. There's a nice stone off into the trees where that part. I'm not going to do a long

long walk today it's just a cool down. But there are some nice little stones out here. The crop's not really taking at this point, so I don't feel quite so bad taking the little Hasselhoff out. Picking up some nice mediums. There's a flat one and there's a round one. What about the size of a terrorist chocolate orange. One sort of slab of... if you've got a big bar of Cadbury's chocolate, one of those big thick bars that your dad used

to get for Christmas and broke off the chunk that you thought you would eat, it was about that big. Depending on how much chocolate you eat. Now of course women are more than welcome to come stone clear and help with the washing up and stuff afterwards. What's happened to you? What happened? I just woke up this morning and thought I've had enough of the Wokeys. Those Wokeys with whatever they think. Can't define it. But I feel I can define what a woman is. I

can't define wokeism. All right enough of the heavy-handed satire. Back to the stone clearing. Tried a lot of things. Tried Peter K stuff. Tried to be like Frankie Boyle or someone. Ricky Gervais. I was trying to be there late. Ricky Gervais what's the deal with people that don't have loads of money? Why are they so poor? Why don't they do a Netflix special? I've got 50 million pounds for this one. It's my parody of Ricky Gervais there. Quakin and his booties. Now I'm doing another Hasselhoff, there's no one around and I've seen a nice chunky medium stone, not someone who can predict your future and stuff.

Who we are! Oh, that one's actually went further than I thought it would. That shows how well the personal training's working. I thought I'd misthrown that, but it went off. It didn't go quite as far as I wanted it to go. Into the base of the trees which these well one of those two has and then another one yep rolled down the hill into the trees still technically on the field fighting against the trees

looking for something my shoes my running shoes getting a little bit clogged up with mud shoes running shoes getting a little bit clogged up with mud. Breaking news A little kick, kick flick, Sabutio the bugger off. That one's on the left of centre but it's going far left now. And onto them, came off to the main cane, it's a nice... and I kicked one there from a distance didn't quite get it off so I'm gonna go back. I mean it's barely off. Let's just get these two so they're actually definitely off the field. I'm gonna pick it up, try to kick it, in the end you just have to give up sometimes. Right up the hill we go.

Bria Witch's Thinger or Witch's Thumb or Witch's Dick, I don't know what to say that is. And that's gone off into the side, still here enough to comfortably throw those off. I threw one last week, you know that landed somewhere down here, I wonder if I can find that one. I never forget a stone. That's the thing with me. You never forget its face. I don't remember people, but I remember stones. All right, a little bit far away now. Discus it! Oh yes! Discused. And unlike the discus, it's not where it bounces, it's where it ends up. As in stone clearing, it ended up very much on the verge. Out off the field. That was a throw of some 10 to 15 meters there. Haven't seen last week's stone, I don't think unless this is it.

As I say, I never forget a stone. I think it was it was further in wasn't it I'll roll this one down the hill see how that ends up I'll remember where that lands for next week got it that's locked into the memory banks and across we go no stone poles today no singing ringing tree just a little hello to you guys to remember no don't give up with your own stone clearing i don't want you to think just because i haven't been here every day like i have in the past that you should slack off i live in the town now i know it's different different there the town people the town people. They're weird, they just walk past stones without even looking down and I'm giving them a second look. But maybe one day I'll be like them.

Automaton. Got two stones already, one's serving as a tray for the other. It's like a piece of liver on a very small tray, what it looks like I'm carrying. Hopefully getting across to the... a bit of blue stone there's caught my eye. Glinting in, It's very sunny, looks like a bit of plate but it's a stone my friends. That can be some lettuce, some white and blue lettuce to go with the liver. Oh yeah look I can see up ahead I'm glad I've kept my powder dry. I remembered from last week there's loads of stones up here as always. However many are clear, the stones love to come here. However many you clear, they're cold these stones. That's a beauty. That's a Millennium Falcon right there. Not full-size but you know one

that someone would quite happily play with. There's four stones here together, one chunky one, three little ones but I'm gonna bring them all. I think they're friends. I could see them all together from a distance. There's four stones here together, one chunky one, three little ones, but I'm going to bring them all. I think their friends could see them all together from a distance. There's more here. I've got my nice coat on, I don't want to get it too messed up. So I'll take one more stone. Kind of yellowy, caramel stone. Just go out a little bit, check no one's coming around the corner. Don't want to lose this haul. Yeah, we're a little bit tired as you can tell. But tiredness must not stop you. Glaring stones must not stop you filling your ditch to stop Brexit. There's only one way we're going to defeat Brexit.

There's fire, the medium of stone. Oh, one falls now. There are no... Oh, another one's fallen. You have to stop the pick-up unless you're being pursued by the stone starzy. I'm getting a terrible mess here. I'm only metres away from the main can. All these are going on the main can. I'm not going to distribute them out. Main can coated in leaves. No one around. Oh! One falls down, one falls to the back. I mean the back of here is looking pretty

good. The can itself hardly growing. I've got very dirty hands now. I don't know who that is. The recording's still going. Ah yes. Last week I saw a big bit of metal, plough metal, still there, just a little bit hidden by the last two weeks. I think people are coming and helping themselves to the stones which is very much against the spirit of what we've got on here, but it's a beauty, it's absolutely gorgeous out here today. I thought it would be too cold, I thought we'd be, I thought the earth's vagina and vulva would have tightened up and refused to let go. To the last it's expanded and spongy which is a good thing because I want to get the stones out and this is the vagina of the earth it's not I'm not

comparing it to a vagina of a human or animal and it only says I am comparing the earth to an animal vagina that's what I've been thinking about all this time is a liar because how would you know what's in my head? There's no way, there's no way anyone's getting in my head to find out what I think. Only I can say it by saying it. Only if I say it then you would know, but I haven't said it. So, I said the opposite in fact. So that proves that point. Can't find cocky carrot, that's a little update for the birthday donkey or the rotten carrot. A few little muffins have gone missing, I must have put them somewhere for safe keeping

but they're not with the others so fingers crossed we haven't lost them somewhere along the way. Very unlikely. But it'd be nice to get back into a twitch of fun. Episode 100 coming up. Been waiting for that one for a while haven't we? I can't remember who any of the characters are either, which hasn't helped. Big wobbling boobies, that one. Right, come across to find some ammo for the Ditch Stop Brexit. That's one of the biggest things that's ever gone in Ditch Stop Brexit from a distance. Well, I don't think that really counts. That went a bit to the left for the main ditch. There's some nice bits out here. We'll pick up a couple of again the cascading water from

a few weeks ago has already revealed some ancient stones probably ones that King Arthur might have seen and into there's a couple of nice ones got in there we just need one for the for an omega-can then we'll have a look at this week's emails millions of emails and then we'll be done it's just a quick one sorry about all the ads that probably are in this week's one gonna make it I know it doesn't seems like an advertising break every couple of minutes but I've got to make money. Buy your stone clearing trowels from Alan Nettles. I'm not related to John Nettles and I've never appeared on the podcast. Go to alannettles.co.uk for all your trial needs and this is me again

that was an advert there Alan Nettles probably I don't know because the advert's going later but I'm making a fine pretty penny from that I can tell you all that money goes back to All that money goes back to making stones from scratch by boiling up molecules and making them harden into stone. Magma. Right, we're coming down duckies. I think it's time to look at my electronic device to see who's been emailing in this week. I've got an email from Alan Nettles, Hi Rich, thanks for agreeing to have my advert on your podcast. I hope the £20 goes some way and the free trial goes some way to helping you with your difficult move

at the moment. I know you've got double mortgage to pay at the moment and double bills. Must be tough. But you know, fuck you, you've got two houses you cunt. All right, Anne. Anyway, yeah, hopefully you're going to suck it out some of the idiots who listen to your podcast into thinking they need a trowel. The trowels are rubbish, by the way, they just break straight away. Yeah, if I tried one it broke. But anyway, don't read this out, this is obviously secret. Lots of love Alan Nettles from alannettles.co.uk and all the trowels I make. Yeah, thanks Alan. Don't know if you're ambitiously even in this week's episode, obviously because they get put in later, but I appreciate the support.

Right, well we're back at the car. I might just pop into the house and bring a couple of things with me. Otherwise, that's it for this week. Maybe back next week. You don't know do you? You don't know what's gonna happen. All right I'm gonna look for Cocky Carrot but I couldn't find him in here so I don't think he's here. I think he's in the new house somewhere. I love you from me and all the me's and enjoy your stone clearing. Goodbye. goodbye And don't listen to your underpants Listen to the stones, listen to the stones To ye, my friend, my fine friend. Fatone clearing with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring alone. There was not even any stone stars for the eye to see.

The music is by Mike Coughgrave, the voice of the Fatones. Why, that's my cover heen Listen to the thorns my friend and they fowl sing ye a merry dance Don't listen unto the birth and grief, Don't live unto your underpants, Live unto the throne, Live unto the throne, And they in turn falliver to ye, my friend, my fine friend.