Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 178

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Chapter 178 - Ftone Pigeon. It's just after midday on the 5th December 2024 and an exhausted and financially burdened Richard Herring tries to escape the real world by building castles in the sky or walls in the bushes. Nothing of interest or worth happens for the next 25 minutes, but you know you have to liften just in case. And in truth there are some beautiful songs, though one of them is just improvised on the spot. Amazing.

Stone clearing with chapter 178. It's the 12th of 10, That's on the 5th of December 2024. And I've actually been up to the Stotion once this week already to record a podcast with Poppy Hylsted. So look out for that one coming out in the future. I'm trying to convince her to take up stone clearing. I don't know a lot about murder and inappropriate sexual behaviour in that one as well, so do watch out for that if you're of a sense of disposition. That's not what stone clearing is about, it seems to be what she thought it was about, but stone clearing is about clearing stones. Nice bit of glass there. Just on the path up to Duckett's Passage, up to the Stotion to see how things are going.

Still a little work needed to be done. Even though I'm on the path I'm going to kick a little bit of brick into the side there. Still the channel where the great flood came. It's a little bit slippy actually. I'm just in my regular shoes. That's just been my personal trading session, which might end up meaning I end up doing more of these than I was doing when I lived here. We'll see.

Didn't do one last week. Could be asked. But I'm doing it this week and that's all that matters. You can only do as much as you can. So a bit tired from personal training. Worked pretty hard, can do a minute with that 20kg bag on my back as I'm doing a... what's it called... yeah, when you're doing the plank, that's it. Plank is a useful position of course when you're out stone clearing. Oh is it a bird? Is it a stone? No it's a bird. It was a very

pigeon, a stone looking pigeon there. Thought I'd seen a massive stone. It's going to has off and get it but that stone is no stone. Look out for the false stones, there'll be more of that when we get to the advanced levels. Don't want to scare you too much at this early stage. You're just intermediate. On to the Afranamiga Cairn it goes. And yeah, it's pretty horrible out here. Oh that's that, some weird thing on there on this ocean so

we'll just take a little leisurely walk around as I come down from an extreme hour of exercise I'm not sure it's the the best to be doing. I'll take a little waltz out here to a little clump of stone. It's probably formed during the flood. I think my phone became confused there. It stopped for a second but I heard it go peping. Hopefully we're recording. Of course you wouldn't want to miss this, so I cleared a few stones there. I might just use this mainly... ah, look at that, another huge amount of shale. I might have taken a photo of this shale to show you what... This is bigger than some of my cairns.

That's the field we're looking at there, when you look at the picture, unless something more exciting happens. I'll do a little flick's kick. So yeah, I'm knackered. But good to keep the exercise going. Good to come up and see the old house, having photos taken today, trying to sell it, still failed to sell it. Having to spend lots of money on it as well. So it keeps on stopping on its own volition.

Let's see if it lasts a bit longer this time. At least it's beeping to tell me it's stopped. It might have been just bending down touching something, I'm going to keep it in my hand because this is going to be more an instructive walk than a stone clearing walk. I'm going to clear a few by foot as I'm doing now. Just going to take you through. That one just wanted to come off, yeah there's loads on the path. It just is, I was saying to Poppy, it's only the second human being to accompany me around

this field. I think Chris Evans not that one has also been here. It's bizarre that you can walk along the same place for seven or eight years and a new stone appears, massive stone appears just right where you've walked a hundred times. Where did it come from? I don't know where did you come from cutting I do? Oh look at my new can, it's going beautifully. Didn't show this one to Poppy. Didn't want her to be jealous. She's got a very funny podcast about wearing a brain monitor. Insane in the brain or something like that. It's called, it's not called that but it should be. And

I'm on that at some point. And then she follows up by coming to try out my hobby. But we just mainly talk disgusting things. We're terrible people. She's very bad for me. Anyway, and I'm very bad for her. Who will destroy the other? We will see. Listen to that podcast to find out. Oh, I've got to have some hassle off out to that one. I can tell you that right now. That one's sticking up. I mean, a dog could cut its paw on that. Oh, there's another one right behind it, just buried, half buried. Those two can come off. So yeah, just my old house unsold turning into a bit of a money pit. It'll be fine if I sell it but while it remains unsold, financial ruin awaits. So I don't know if that means I'll do more stone clearing or less stone clearing. If I don't know if that means I'll do more stone clearing or less stone

clearing. If I don't have a house I'll probably just be out here all the time. Right. I'm doing another house of Hoth. Even though I said I wasn't going to do much clearing because there's a lovely medium there. Wah! Right into the brambles it goes. And a couple of pals to go with it. And another nice one. There's some nice stones out here. I think again, the rain doth wash away the foil of Finn. The rain doth wash away the foil of Finn. And we can see what's beneath our gin. It is stones, it is stones, it is beautiful tones. So come

ye rain and fall on this ocean. Come ye rain and make us lotion made of mud and stone and other bits of foliage. Oh I know that one day I'll be really rich and I've cleared all the stones from the field. That's an old medieval song there. I was surprised by the inclusion of the word foliate, which you know probably is a medieval word, I don't know. Well it must be because it's in that song. I don't know why I'm saying I don't know, I do know it definitely is a medieval word that's in the song, unless that song's become corrupted over the years. But in the telling, passed down from one tone clearer to another. By the way, when we get to the advanced level, I will be speaking entirely in Anglo-Factum. So get ready for that. Get ready for YAT,

I should say. I should FAY. I don't think it'll be irritating at all. We'll see. We'll see. I'll see what... I mean you're all emailing in, of course, lots of emails I'm getting telling me how glad you are to see Stone Claring back. Hundreds, most of them from topless women of course. I don't know if the women are always topless but they are when they send me their photos. Please stop doing it, it's not something I want. Anyway, here we are, chapter 1, Fevranate. Oh God. Think I'll ever catch on this? Anyway, I think the thing is just to keep trying to see if it does catch on. That's my, that's what I think I should do. It'd be easy to give up, but then imagine the next week someone brings out a stone clearing,

broadcasting the grips of the nation, it's a bit like the story of Rich Not Judy, followed by Little Britain, same thing. Story of my life. A story of my life. Anyway, a story of my life. Look at this lovely scree of stones here, actually cleared properly from the field by the water. You're not here to hear me clear stones, you're here to hear my wisdom. My whiffdom, as it would have been once thought. And you know you're getting plenty of that today, not many stones cleared, but a few. Every stone cleared is a stone not uncleared. That's one of the, I've got that on a tea towel. Every stone cleared is a stone not uncleared. Every stone cleared is a stone not uncleared every stone cleared is a stone not uncleared

every stone cleared is a stone not uncleared there's only a finite number of stones even though it's a huge number of stones you have to do this alone but you will succeed if at first you don't succeed keep trying to clear another stone and if you clear all the stones you will succeed I know it seems unlikely but you definitely won't clear the stones if you don't try so try and clear the stones. An uncleared stone. A stone that's cleared, not an uncleared stone. That was a pop hit in the 60s. Well, it wasn't much of a hit. They tried. Stone rangers. If only they'd wait till the Sloan Rangers came out, that would have been a great... They were doing a pun on the Lone Rangers, which the Sloan Rangers were, but the Sloan

Rangers are better fun for Sloan Rangers than it is for Lone Rangers. So, you know, it's all about timing. It's all about timing, that's what I've learned in my career. I've got very dirty shoes now. I slightly regret not bringing my wellies but wasn't sure I was gonna come out here Remember that song? So coming to the cairn opposite the main cairn. When you go around with someone else talking about stone clearing it does seem slightly mad I have to say so that's why I

don't go around talking with people about it I tend to just do it on my own. Some of the stones we cleared, me and Poppy cleared the other day. I think I've made a fan of the sport. It's more than a sport, it's a vocation. So she may be back. Didn't like it. Didn't like other people touching my stones. There are no rules to stone clearing. I don't know if I've said this, that's actually the first rule of stone clearing, second rule. You must not touch the stones on any other man's field. And man there I think means human. They were very sexist in the days of the way those rules were written, correctly so.

As men are better than women. At stone clearing, I think we can agree that some some things women are better than men are, like embroidery. Just men are stronger, not agile. Can have a better eyesight. Women can still have a go, as Poppy proved. Um, but look, I've been accused of being fexist. I've actually been accused of being fec-tift, which hurts because I'm the least fec-fift man in the world. I love women, I think they should be treated as if they're equal. That's how much I'm a semenist. I'm almost no feminist. Oh no sorry feminist. The wind is blowing in my ears. It's been blowing there for years and years. It's blown so hard I cannot hear. But the stones must be cleared. Broadway musical there of course, stone clearing, called Stone, written by Lionel Bart, but when he was quite badly alcoholic and living in Acton under a wine, above a

wine shop he was living. He did have a couple of minor hits from it but it didn't really take close after a week. Can't city yourself a stone. That's one of them. And now people didn't like that. People didn't like it because it was just a copy of his other hit. They thought he thought he'd get away with it by changing at home to a stone. But people got it. People got it. You should have chosen completely different lyrics and changed a couple of the notes and you might have got away with it. Right, I've got one medium stony, I'm passing a fucking ton of stones. This one's saying I have to pick it up, so. Come on Richie, I know I'm dead. You must have heard that. You hear them too, right? Hello Rich, thank

you, it's alright, it's your turn. It's my turn too, no, you have to wait. I'm too tired, I'm just, you know, it's not good coming up. Alright, I've got my nice coat on. I've got my phone in my hand because I'm worried about it stopping again. Right, I've got three stones, that's all I'm going to do guys this time. Alright, alright, I'll do you as well. There is a lovely stone here. Oh, I dropped one. Oh, that's the biggest of the day. Of course the one I dropped I've got to pick up. Trying to juggle these four stones now. A bit slippy. Check there's no stone stars, he's right behind me. He's right behind me, isn't he?

In many ways, it's disappointing after seven, probably seven years of stone clearing out here that this main cairn I'm coming to now is as puny as it is. I think Poppy expected it to be a bit more impressive after all this time. But I think gravity and thieves, a lot of stone thieves out there, they will be cursed if you steal a stone from the field. No rules to stone clearing, I don't know if I've mentioned that's the first rule of stone clearing, second rule, the stones must remain on the edge of the field you've cleared them from. If anyone steals a stone from the field they will be cursed for our way. Not looking too bad. It does go back a long way. So it's the foundation. I mean I think the wall will have to be 10 to 20 meters wide. So you know it's a good start in that sense.

So don't be discouraged. That's the one of the mottos of thermochlorine. don't be discouraged. That's one of the mottos of the Thome Cranes, don't be discouraged. Exhibit your courage and you shall be able to fly and pick up stones, woodle with your private parts, you like it's a suction cup, stones will fuck you up. That's a song I made up actually, that one. Just made up, just there off the top of my head. I can do that as well, you know, I'm not totally reliant on just the standards from the past. Beautiful big field across just next door that I've never seen anyone in. I think they're trying to get planning mission to build on it. There's a tennis court there as well. I don't know what they do with that field. That could have been our garden.

We could have bought it. Had a massive garden. We've been amazing. Um, only any road. Um, I'm on any road. But the affairs of the world should not impinge on you here out on the stone clearing field. That is part of the point of being out here. You shouldn't be, I'm slightly weighed down by the cost of a new boiler that I'm never going to use. Um... Makes it hard, but you you know forget about your worries. Come on forget about your worries clear all the stones in a hurry and then away you can scurry to the pub with the other stone clearers and have a whiskey and a beer as have a cider drink and a lager drink and then drink until you cannot think you will create quite a stink.

Sorry, I forgot to say you've eaten lots of beans and curries and chat yourself as well. It's an old stone clearer song, just a bit of fun. Do not drink and clear stones, it's very dangerous. You just realize how the part of the reason I think you have to clear stones on you and you know it sounds like a lonely occupation and solitary thing and a weird thing to some children on their own but I think it has to be done alone. I've got a beautiful medium here for the ditch at Stop Brexit by the way. I mean it's large really. Part of the reason you have to, and I realized when I did it with someone else,

is you will, if you do it in pairs you will kill the other person at some point because there'll be an errant throw. So probably whole families once were out here. Eventually all but the strongest thrower perished. Actually probably the weakest thrower perished because they can't get direction going. I don't know. Let's make this up. Right, gather a couple of stones for the alphanomagic hen. Again there's a whole lot of scree here due to the recent flooding. Made my job a lot easier and harder at the same time. But we're back at the Alfa Romeo Omega. We haven't yet braved the bigger lap on these post-moving podcasts. I did go to the, I did do the half-field walk past the singing ringing tree and the next-door

field and the cairn in the middle of the field with Poppy. So if you're missing those landmarks do listen to that whenever it comes out. We're now on Duckett's Passage for the second time coming down to finish the podcast. Just time to look at your emails and mush, mushy leaves is in touch here, mushy. I'm guessing you're a lady, it's a kind of ladies name, mushy, but all women are welcome as I said in my stone clearing world with the proviso they understand they aren't, none of them are as good, the best woman is not as good as the weakest man as long as we all agree on that you are welcome here um she says rich uh i'm a woman but i recognize that i can never be as good as stonkler as a man thank you i love women like

this i can't offer all women a bit more like that, but I hope you can teach me in the ways of the field. It's not just my name that's mushy. Does that mean? I also mean my vagina. Your vagina's mushy. I don't think that's not an attractive prospect. This isn't a sexy podcast, I have to say. I'm not here for your car-noddle-like

something to clear the clean stones. That's what I do. I'm so pleased with me alone. Mushy leaves there. Right, coming back to the house. Looks nice. I'd buy it. I would definitely buy it. So yeah, we'll leave you there. We'll see you next time. I hope some of this has come out because things stop so often. I'm worried none of it did. I'll put it there anyway.

You know me. See you next time. See you, flag hound, from me and all the stone clearers. Enjoy your stone clearing. I love you all, goodbye. Ye a merry dance. Don't lifn to the bird fan treath, Don't lifled to ye, my friend, my fine friend. Fatone clearing with Richard Herring, start me Richard Herring, no wolf with a dog again, I've got used to that now though so never mind. She's history, I'm got used to that now though, so never mind. She's history! I'm putting her in a kennel. The music is by Mike Coughgrave, and the voice of the tones is Michael Faheem.

Liffen to the f-dons, my friend, And they fowl sing, ye a merry dance. Don't listen to the birds and trees they in turn fall lift them to ye, My friend, my fine friend.