Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 179

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

Chapter 179 - Rabbit Ftone. It's the morning of the 16th December 2024 and a clearly befuddled and confused Herring is doing another stone clear directly after a tough personal training session and seems to lose all sense of what is right and wrong and claims to be committing acts of groff indecency. But some lovely songs and a sense of danger as he feels he may collapse at any second. If he does, please inform the emergency services.

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Hello my Spanish friends, it's 10.38 on the 16th of December, it's AM, 2024. This is welcome to Photon Clearing Chapter 179. Getting very close to the Magic 200 now. Maybe by 2027. Just been in personal training again. No dog again. If you're missing Wolfie, let me tell you that Wolfie misses you more than you miss her. I believe she doesn't get to come up here anymore. Maybe one day. And yeah pretty tired again. It's gonna be a normal short walk, short endeavor. Quite a tough personal training session. Had a 20 kilogram weight put on my back doing a plank twice. Managed a minute the first time. Only 40 seconds the second time it was too tired by the end. But I'm pretty strong, you need to be strong to do this job. I'm going to take easy feeling little, faintly light-headed so if I go down during the podcast do call 999-SENSE for help.

I think there's a Boxing Day treat for you if you listen to Poppy Hilstead's podcast about the brain waves. I think that's coming out on Boxing Day where we discuss stone clearing and then she comes to the stocian to try it for herself and not both of us come out there alive I have to tell you that but no spoilers on who is murdered so yeah how breath already heart beating let's just check this is definitely working seems It seems to be. This ocean looking pretty much the same as it looked before. Grassy crops be a-growing, stones they be a-showing.

And here's a couple for the alfalfa and omega can. Peaking up through the weeds. Talking of weeds, I need a wee. What is that thing I spotted that last time? It's not officially my job to get rid of this but there's a bit of a broken bottle or something. I've got rid of it anyway. Don't like litter on my stocian. Bit of wood there, don't need to clear that but I've kicked it away anyway. bit of wood there, don't need to clear that, but I've kicked it away anyway. Well it's nearly Christmas where Jesus Christ was born and did clear the stones from Galilee. Hello! And just the stone starzy behind me shouting up, she's going the other way so we're all right and I'm gonna have to just kick stones off for now but she is going the other way it's

the lady who supports a UKIP in the village but you know you can't have everything or Brexit at least, it may not be you but definitely is. Right so a couple of stones cleared there, surreptitiously it is looking pretty busy for stones out here. Stones have all washed down this end of the field so it makes my job a bit easier. Don't have to travel too far out to get everything. I can see a beauty out there I'm not going to

do a hassle off just now. Too dangerous. That's what they were expecting me to do, passing my new can which is looking lovely. A couple of new additions there. Let's give it this one as well. Oh that one bounced back off and nearly went as far further away than it had been when I picked it up but it's on now. Sometimes they try to escape. Don't let the baton's escape, keep them hidden in thy cape, until they can come to a ken, and then you can lay them down, and then you can lay them down, and then you can lay them down on the ken. Down, down, down, down, down.

That's medieval, obviously, Shakespearean, those two different time zones, but I won't let that bother me. Oh that one looks like a fossil clafting too, and then there's nothing inside. Beautiful broken bit of flint. Nice to have a little walk after a workout. to be clearing stones again I'm living in the city now city of Hitchin big bustling metropolis and they don't have stones there not in the same way all the stones are piled up to make houses and casinos, brothels. That's all I've seen so far. I've got a pitch in there might be other shops. Those are the ones I've used so far. Just taking a little hassle off to get this...

Hasslehoff off to get this loft. Then they will lay me down. That was a good one, wasn't it? I should be a magical writer. I could have written that. But, you know, I didn't, obviously. I just sang it from memory. Having learned all these songs. There's a surprising number of them. And never repeat one, do I? You notice that? Never repeat a song. That's the amazing thing about me that

remember all the songs I've done and I think well I won't do that one again but I could obviously if I had to sing that what I just sang I could sing it word for word for how long it took but I don't want to shortchange you they're paying listen are you paying for this yeah we should go up to a subscription channel 500 pounds a year I think guaranteed six episodes a subscription channel 500 pounds a year I think guaranteed six episodes a year for 500 pounds I think that might work let me know if you're into that I do prefer money to nudes but you know whatever little you've got A man cannot live by stones alone. So yeah, it's weird being away.

It feels almost like someone else's field. Now maybe one day it will be someone else's field. But I guarantee you that at least some of my ashes, unless I'm burnt up somewhere else in the absence of some kind. I'm going to make sure my wife puts some of my ashes on this field. Maybe I should be turned into like a diamond or something, but you can do that can't you now? And placed atop the cairn. No one would touch that diamond for fear of the curse that would come if they did. A couple of nice mediums off there by the way while I was just chatting about my own death. Remember to call 999, If I go down, if it goes quiet, call 999. Get the

police out here, whenever you're listening to this, even if it's 2029, you listen Catching Up. Beauty of these podcasts, they're always there forever. They'll be out here forever. People could be listening in the year 3000 not much has changed but they live underwater apparently that's what i've heard and that's not that big a change great great great granddaughter is 850 years old but I'd still banger that's how McFly feel or busted or whoever it was McBusted all the same in it finally they admitted it and there nice ken in the corner doing a bit of stutter rap there, doing a bit of mixing, like do the double Dutch. There are some 1980s songs of course.

The KKKK is looking pretty fine. That's a bit like the Boston Summit. The average age of the stone clearers who died on this field was 19. 19. They get a care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care,

care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, care, the Woke crowd can keep away from me, can say what I like out here

no one can stop me. If I want to say Port Hardcastle I can and I did so yeah don't think about that as you sit in your chair judging me how many stones have you cleared so far today I bet it's zero or less than about 12 which I think I've done I've probably done more than 12, here's two more. Into the trees, with that tree still standing, not for long. Sorry for the heavy breathing, I am masturbating while performing

this particular stone clear, which will shock the lady from Ukip if she happens to take a left drive then straight on. Ooh, a nice little lob there, I've hassled off there, all lobbed, it bounced off the trees, nearly came back onto the field. Couple of reluctant stones today. Couple of reluctant stones but they're off and they'll find they will find that they live in a world of pure being off the stocean. And when they get there they will live in a world of pure imagination. Come with me and you'll see what it's like to clear stones off the stocean. It is good, don't listen to anyone he says that it's not

because it is good that's the original lyrics to that I wrote that song and Willy Wonka nicked it and then come my own Willy Wonka and I did eh apparently that's what I'm becoming my own Willy Wonka, apparently that's what I'm claiming. Willy Wonka. Couldn't do that anymore, you couldn't call a character Willy Wonka anymore. I can on my Stone Cold Podcast. I can do anything out here, the laws of your society don't apply. I can say the N word if I want.

Nuts. I can say the P-word, Pebbles, say anything I want. I'm picking up a stone here. I think I'm close enough to the edge to get this off. Don't think anyone's around. Oh it was a poor throw, hooked it, oh and the stone nearly went off anyway. I have to remember where that landed for next time as I'm sure I remember the stone that I had to get this time so I hope you've learnt a lot today so far it's not advised to masturbate during it's only Christmas at Christmas you can masturbate while you're stone clearing

and there's no way you can do it at any laws of society don't apply but there is an increased probability of arrest if you are seen so please I mean just generally please try to masturbate in an area where you cannot be seen unless you have the permission of the other people in the area which I do not have no permission. It seems to me interesting, looks a bit like a rabbit, I'm going to go see if it's a rabbit or a stone. Just coming off the path a little bit, never leaves a path. There are no rules to stone clearing, that's the first rule of stone clearing second rule is don't leave the pathway on a full moon it's not it's not a rabbit i can tell you it's a fucking big stone i'll take a picture of it and you can see why i thought it was a rabbit you'll definitely

agree with me about that a rabbit stone look at these guys it looks like a deer or something it's coming off with me don't you worry your pretty little heads about that. Sat up perky like a penis. Like my penis used to be before age withered it and the years condemned it. It's terrible. I never get to be 57. If you're a man, if you're a woman it's fine. You don't have a penis. Everything's everything's nice I believe in middle-aged women. But for men it's a big problem. It ends up you with you masturbating in the field. It's the only pleasure you can get with your limp penis looking at stones thinking, my penis ones look like that stone.

That's what will happen to you, I'm just warning you. It's a public service announcement. I've got four stones here. This is still this fecund area, magically producing lovely medium sized stones. However many times you come back producing lovely medium-sized stones. However many times you come back here more medium-sized stones. I'm passing them, I can't even scoop to conquer here. It's very good to do this after there's a slight delirium of doing a personal training session. Either it comes out you're too tired to talk

or you just really start spouting shit. And that is, I think you'll agree what we want. I can see a dog. Oh, luckily it's the stone stars if they're going the other way. They're heading up thinking I was gonna go to the Ken in the center. You can understand why they'd think that

because they'd think well no one would do a shorter walk as that if they're clearing stones and become more than five miles to clear a stone. Oh that's the rabbit stone fell off. I'm gonna put it back on again. A reluctance, a lot of reluctant stones today but I get them off anyway as I'm getting myself off. You can notice the heavy breathing's finished that's because I have You can notice the heavy breathing's finished, that's because I have recently orgasmed. It was when I was talking about my once proud member that excited me enough. My own penis. That's all that... that's the only thing I can get off on now. And it's lucky because it's always there.

But my own youthful penis, I have to travel through time. Oh right, stop talking. This isn't about stone clearing. It's about, well, in a way, isn't it? In a way it is what it is in a way. Okay, I'm going to kick that fucker off. That's a kick to flick. I'm going to pick, pick, kick, and flick. I've done them all within the space of five seconds. That's also a good masturbatory technique if you are masturbating. Don't masturbate when you go around the field. I shouldn't be doing this in Chapter 179 because it's very much an advanced level stone-cloring technique. You can have some of those vibrating eggs in your anus, what do you do if you like. If that's what you like. Okay we're coming down to the ditch to stop Brexit now. I'm sorry I apologize to younger listeners I know there are lots of kids listening to this program

and it is a program. So sorry for the filth but you shouldn't really be listening because there are no rules to stone cleaning. Well one or two you have to be over 16, preferably male, but political correctness gone mad has gone mad with that. Now the ladies in with their love eggs up their anuses. I warned them, said they'll just be walking around with vibrating things inside them. No one listened. Anyway, so sorry, apologies to youngsters, but as I say, you should not be listening to this. As really as true adults also and if you are listening to this which you are

please have a serious think about what you're doing with your life okay you're listening to the ramblings of a senile man who can hold 20 kilograms on his back for a minute while he's planking? You know, he's not dead yet Not the second time, but the first time. Anyway, out for an arm-wreck again, a couple of nice stones here for them and Then we'll be on our way through the emails back in the car and If you want to buy my house, do get in touch in the car and if you want to buy my house do get in touch. You can... I'll throw in the field as well. I'll throw in the field if there's a possibility. Let's hope none of this is recorded. Oh no, it's all recorded. What a time for it not to go wrong. Anyway, Coming down Duckies Passage Looking at emails

A lot of emails coming as always at Christmas time a lot of lonely people get in touch I Can see I mean there's no difficult to choose which Holly This one called Holly here. Let me just see what their name is. I'll just read it off the email I suppose is's these. Holly Window is here. Don't know if she's been in touch before though.

There's been a few Holly's actually. It's a popular name. Stone Clearing fans. Hi Rich. Happy Christmas. Happy Christmas, I should say. Sorry I got it wrong the first time. Why don't you just go back and correct it?

I couldn't go back and correct it because I'd like to just write my emails as exactly as they come to me and so they do not believe in using the delete button or the spacebar or the little arrows so sorry if there are any errors with his head in here I think she might have got a little purpose but anyway look I really love the podcast do keep doing them thank you but you're so amazing Richard for still doing this I hope a lot of people are emailing you to tell you how great you are and not really in the police and saying you think there might be something wrong with this guy. They are

the way, I do get a lot of emails about this podcast. Some people would think a man who's on the telly walking around the field being crude and just babbling would show his career's gone down the toilet but I don't think that. I think it's the best thing you've done and I'm not saying that as an insult. I'm not saying everything else was worse than this. I'm saying the early stuff you did was good but then you really found your way, I think, with moving away entirely from comedy and attempting to clear stones instead. So I think what you did was good. Anyway, that's all I wanted to

say. I know you might not get that many emails. I get a lot of emails, Holly. They're all real. You might not get that many emails, I get a lot of emails Holly. They're all real. I nearly got run over by a bicycle there. But I've survived, so don't put the phone down, if you're thinking of ringing the police, put the phone down, I'm fine thinking about it. You know, if I had died on the field I wouldn't have uploaded the podcast, would I? So you're an idiot for having the phone at the ready, in case. So thank you. I feel pretty shabby. I'm going into the house now.

Don't get This Week magazine for your kids, right? We've moved house. We told them a hundred fucking times. And our bank as well. What's wrong with our bank? Don't buy This Week for your kids. It's a good magazine but they won't listen to you. They don't listen! Alright, I hope you enjoyed it. See you next time, if I can be asked. Have a happy Christmas, come and see me on tour if you can, richtown.com slash ball back slash tour. I mean, I think, if you all come, that could make all the difference.

See ya! Liffen to the birds and trees, Don't liffen to your underpants, Liffen to the stones, Liffen to the stones, I'll live for you, my friend, my fine friend. Photone clearing with Richard Herring. Stard me Richard Herring and no other living creature apart from the lady who supports Ukip. The bloke who ran me over on his bike the music is by Mike Coughgrade the voice of the Vatones is Michael Fahene Listen to the Fdoms my friend and they fowl sing ye a merry dance They foul thing year Mary does, Don't live unto the birth and grief,

Don't live unto your under-harm, Live unto the throne, Live unto the throne, And they in turn fall victim to ye, my friend, my fine friend.