Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 22

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

Chapter 22: We Plough Ye Field and Fcatter Ye Good Feed On Ye Ground. It's evening time on 29th April 2019 and Rich is rambling and ambling his way round the field once again to discuss whether it's possible for a man and a stone to create a female stone baby; why he does not recognise the God of the Bible; the place of metal in stone clearing; a crow that became a dog; a double meeting with a dog walker and his dog Wes; and why you mustn't throw stones whilst animals are in the vicinity; and why ski clothing is good to wear in the winter, but not so good once spring is here. Oh and there's some shooting going on in the background, but don't let that distract you. Plus some light relief stand-up comedy from Rich and the other dog walker. You can still donate to the kickstarter (on week of broadcast) and have a chance to get a cursed stone or a T shirt that won't be available anywhere else. Plus a documentary about stone clearing which is all definitely happening now as we've hit our total. Thanks very much for helping out if you did http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter

Stone clearing with Richard Herring. I'll see you before the morning because I'm going to give you a bath. See you darling. I love you. Bye bye. Baby! Come and walk with us. Come then darling. Good girl. Hello. Welcome to Stone Clearing Chapter 22. It's April 29, 2019. It's 20 to 5 p.m. We're going to have a little evening sojourn to see how things are going. As we speak, the Raleister per Raleister Kickstarter is still ongoing.

The good news, if you have backed it already, is it's made its target of 50,000 pounds. Incredible. So those of you who are asked for rocks from the field, stones from the field, and t-shirts and whatever will be getting those as long as your payments go through, the rest of you, there is still a chance to get these exclusive items go to Raleister, but not go to UK. Kickstarter, any more money we raise will go to make even more podcasts. So if we make more than 50,000 pounds we have done already, it will just mean more podcasts. Of course there will be chance to see that documentary of me at Stone Clearing as well,

but only for those people who have backed this Kickstarter. Heading up to the field now. And it's a cloudy evening, the weather is... I've got my coat on, it's not that cold. The nettles are very high here. The crops are growing, the weeds are growing, and I'm worrying that my throwing stones into these weeds will make it difficult for them to be cut, which may be a current picture for me.

There's a bit of poo there, just right by the park. Luckily I avoided picking that up. That is something to watch out for as you're stone cleaning. It's organic, you don't want to touch it. For that reason, also it is poo, and some people do not enjoy touching dog poo. Others love it. Horses for courses, that's what I say.

They're stopping to pick up a couple of more stones out of the path. There's some shooting going on in the distance, hopefully that is not a fellow stone clearing meeting is denied. Of course if I was in the city and people were shooting, I'd be scared, but here in the country all that means is some posh people shooting some birds. Of course. So, who are the real criminals? Something to think about there as you sit in your homes.

So yeah, I'm concentrating on the path a lot at the moment, just trying to look ahead to the part time when this field is far up. Don't want me to just find my way back onto the field of play. And at the end of that bush a nice little collection of stones is gathering. Many of my cans are not visible at the moment due to the growth in foliage, but that one's remained visible, which is good. Just dipping a few inches into the station for this stone to pass in the fence that I like to throw a stone at,

missed it that time, didn't get it far enough. Oh, that was easily far enough. And after I get in case the man comes out and gets me. Almost. Right, now I'm around at the moment. Let's see if we come across anyone else. Of course, guaranteed 25 more scarring podcast this year of course, thanks to the Kickstarter.

I mean guaranteed up to the extent as long as I live, long enough to deliver those for you. This is the first of those 25. That came in the ones I did since the Kickstarter, but since the Kickstarter's been successful. I think there was more than 25 to be honest. Though if we do have to indicate holidays, I probably can't sign to be on holiday, but we'll see.

We will see what comes of it. And this is my main job now, of course, with the failure of my comedy career. But I'm happy with that. This is a much more satisfying job in many ways. I've picked up a couple of very flinty, sharp bits of flint here. I've already just had a wee in the bathroom. I don't know if you're interested in that.

And that's, again, working loveless today. Working in my intellectual chowl. I really get to feel the sharpness of this particular bit of flint. It's a danger. Do be careful. If you are working with that glove, they're inherent dangers, but you do get to feel, not just the warmth, the texture of each stone. This one I picked up, it's like it's an egg.

Shape and size, really. Just imagine an egg that had been battered slightly at one end. We could do the cabris cream eggs. It was about the size of an old stark. There was a cabris cream egg when they were bigger, I imagine, in the past. And a slightly lighter shade of brown, but it's gone into the bushes now.

Some of the stones, of course, go onto can. Some of them are just thrown randomly. This is how I work. There are no methods that have to be adhered to. There are no rules for stone clearing. But I like to mix it up. I like to do a bit of, especially this time of year, when most of my cans are invisible to foliage.

I like to chop a few randomly, hoping they will coagulate their way into becoming a bit of a tan. That's a nice bit I found in the path there. Surprisingly big. Looks like the top of a tri-bone or something like that. I mean, on a cabris cream egg tail, three cabris cream eggs stuck together, and then maybe a big one splattered on one end

to make the kind of, you could imagine, the bone that goes into the hip there. That's a fight. I was right the first time. Just picking up a loose piece of flint net lying on top of the ground. You have a nose how it got there. And down in that corner,

and few nettles around that one, but not too many. Still largely visible. It's starting to stretch out a little bit, that one. Which is nice to see. Just checking around, I'm not being observed, as I dig into slightly damp ground at the center of the field. I don't know what's made this, everywhere else is still pretty arid.

You know, you might be digging into dog ways and things. I think that's a good idea. I'm not going to be digging into dog ways and things. So do be careful. Do wash your hands carefully after stone clearing. That was another little tip for you. It feels like a pleasant amble today. I'm not too worried about it.

But yesterday I was out. I did find a very surprising big stone just on the path across the field. Just again inches from the path. Very well camouflaged, but once I dug into it, up came one of the biggest finds I've had for a little while. The early days,

before anyone else had come to this field, you could find huge stones just lying around, no one cares. But now those are hard to find, at least around the periphery. But occasionally you're surprised, and that is the beauty of stone clearing. The majesty over to the poetry of stone clearing.

Things can still surprise you. Picking up a couple of... I mean, those are Capricreme eggs. Stones, not shaped, but that's the rough approximation of those two. I do not eat the stones. We had a long discussion, of course, about the jacking on stones last week, which I regret.

In some way, but I received some flak from some elements of the stone clearing community who think it's wrong to jack clay on stones. Sorry, I'm an archaeological chow. He was in touch, so I think it's disgusting what you're doing. I haven't done it. I was just discussing whether it was

a way to breed a race of stone men. I mean, that's... men who would be surely the... and women who would surely be... well, maybe not maybe if you needed to. You need some female DNA there with a chance of creating a female stone man. They would surely become great stone clairs, at least.

It's just a theoretical question. So, don't get your knickers in a twist. It would be a strange question if they didn't attempt it at some point in their stone clearing career. That's what I'm saying, Mr. C. It's experimentation. There's nothing weird or strange about it. I love these fields.

I love these stones. We plough the fields and scatter the good seed on the land. Of course, people did... There was a religious element to last conch, of course, a lot of people did talk about owning who... who did spill the seed on the ground. I'm going to show you for that.

God did not like that. That is not the God I recognize. The God of the Bible, of course, is no stone God. Although he did write his rules on stone. But there are no rules for stone clearing. He wouldn't get commandments here. Edicts and perhaps... advice that you must follow

on the penalty of punishment. But... I don't know if you find it a bit of metal. There's a... just lying on the path. Presumably a bit of a... plough or something that's fallen off in ancient days. But not that ancient, because they're using metal.

Still goes off the fields. It's not organic. One day someone will presumably find my chow out here. The other one that I lost. But, you know, again, there's a plan to everything, isn't there? Because I lost that chow. I came out with this chow and this chow shits all over the other chow. In terms of...

being a stone clearing tool. Yeah, nobody around at this time. A little bit warm in my coat. Actually, the sun's beating down a little bit. The skiing jacket, which has proven a friend to me. Over these winter months. But now, here we are. At the last stone clear of April,

that you will hear in any case. And... ski jacket seems inappropriate wear. Do you think about this? Of course, the stone clears are partly why the stone clears were naked. To avoid issues like this. Though I would argue, in the wintertime, that probably made things a bit harder for them.

I quite like to just try and flick a stone out with the chow without touching it with human hand. That is another way of using the chow. A little gain. Of course, you do miss out on the feeling of the texture and temperature of the stone there. Oh, and again, another surprise there. That's what I like.

Very much an iceberg stone there in the park. I've been there all the time. I've been walking on this field, big it up. And it's not as small as it looked like from the outside. There is... Let's just... I mean, there's 10 Cadbury's Cream Eggs smashed together there.

And then I'll only do it, that was... maybe five. There's a one I've taken off some stones with the chow there. You've probably heard that. Another thing, a flicking motion. An eerily quieter old man. Now I've spoken too soon. A man walking across, I think,

with centre of the field. But maybe he's in the... Oh, yes, he is in the park. I just secrete my chow away, doesn't I? He doesn't have a dog with him. He has a crow following him. I know it's a dog tail. He's not a weirdo, it's fine.

He's got, like, a little crow flapping its wing. It was just the tail of the dog hidden amongst the weeds. We are on a collision course. He is able to see everything I'm doing, which is curtailed my spelling theory. I'll pretend I'm looking around at Wolfie to try and avoid the contact.

All right, girl. Good girl. Wolfie being a good dog today. So thanks if you did back with Kickstarter. It was amazing. I'm encouraged by the support for her. Obviously, there was an element of support for stone cleaning. Many of you, I do have to find

a good few stones for you. I'm going to look out for nice ones. I may colour them a little, or I may certainly clean them for you. I'm going to make it worthwhile. If you haven't just bought a stone off a field like a mad person would do, you report. There's something more enduring than that.

There's nothing more enduring than a piece of stone, especially if you place it in a suspect case. Wolfie amongst the nettles is she being stung or are the dogs going to be stung? Yeah, we just managed to think of avoid contact with that guy, unless he's coming this way. Wolfie! Wolfie's off to chat with the dog,

bound him through the field. The dog's stuck still. I'm not sure what to make of her. I don't know, but I think... What do you find as we talk to the the golden big ass in the man who owns this dog? Let's see. Wolfie! Good girl. Hi there.

Hi. How you doing? Yeah, not bad. Thanks. Come on, Wolfie. Good girl. Wolfie, come on. Wolfie. Wolfie, come on.

Good girl, come on. Come on, good girl. Come on. Come on. Come on. I'm not hitting just in my favourite corner. And... Rock's just lying on the floor, using rocks that could be thrown

towards the border. The man's gone. I'm going to take this trophy to throw this one. A dog called Wes. I don't think I've met Wes before, and that was a nice throw. We'll be appreciated that. My goodness, I've passed so many beautiful... Oh, so much.

Wolfie, a bit close there. Caught a bit of a stone in the face, and that is why you must be very careful. But luckily it was in my hand at the time. Maybe it's that better, I don't know. She hasn't hurt, is what I'm saying, but that is why that second rule of stone came. You mustn't throw stones if they're children or animals or people around. If you're hurting them with the off-limity weapon. There's another little stone just lying in the path.

I'm a long way from the edge now. I've tried, it's gone nearer to the edge at least, that's all I can say. I mean, it was... There was no real chance that that was going to make it all the way. The sun on the field, over yonder. I wish I could shade where we are now. But I don't know where other... I've got another shot.

More shooting in the distance, I don't think I've heard that. If there is a murder spree going on in Hertfordshire, I will be the first to report it to you via this podcast. Just picking up a few stones from the path here, hoping to find a beauty like I did just yesterday. I've got four in my hands, and I would say they add up to seven or eight cabbage cream eggs on that scale. I mean, it's almost Easter.

Cabbage cream eggs, of course. I think you've been in the shops all year round. You get a little bit of some of that comedy in there. I've got to do that again. It's a good bit more observational. I'm going to have cabbage cream eggs. Put these eggs in their shop before Christmas now, don't they? Yep, that's the kind of stuff

that means that I can come out snarkering as much as I like. That's the kind of material. It doesn't seem to play so well with the young crowds. They're not more from their comedies than just being told about stuff that's happened. I remember the old days when that would have been a living. Do you remember those days? See, you're not interested in that here,

but luckily I think a lot of old people listen to it. Brian Crop Brian Crop was in touch. He said, I am 17 years old, and I like both snarkering and jokes. That eats away from being in the shops too early. Your podcast is ideal for me.

I don't know how Brian knew that I would be doing that material. Maybe that's what put the idea into my mind. He's emailing that email from him. I've got six stones in my tiny hands, my Hermione hands, and they're heading to the central. Nothing as exciting as the other day. Heading to the central pile. I'm passing a lot of stones as we go, of course.

But their time will come. Be patient. Don't be complacent. Those stones think they're safe. But they aren't safe. They'll all be gone. They'll all be in the goodness of time. And yeah, Mike in my field, I predicted now,

Bain in propuscular sunlight. To be honest, the sun is heading away from dusk at this time of the year. I mean, the central pile here, the tree seems big, but also a lot of grass and crops have grown around now this particular can. So again, almost invisible. We'll just pick up a couple of stones nearby and chuck them towards. Just to lighten it. And down the hill we go.

It's been a low key episode. I would first admit that. But I feel good about that. That's what sometimes it has to be. My attention grabbed by a couple of stones out. Just along some tract of tracks. I'll pick up two or three of these. Maybe take them down to the never-growing can at the bottom of this path.

You know the one that's near to the maypole stones. I don't think the stones are going to run out before I can bring you the ones that I've promised you. I'm not yet collecting one of those up. The name of the special expedition. I may do it over a few days, bring a little map sack with me. Secret those cursive stones, the kerfid stones. That they would have been called the kerfid pitones.

That they would have been called taking them away from the field. I hope the curse will fall upon thee and not upon I. That's the potential fodder out here for you. Do you remember you can still get involved if you are listening to this in the week of broadcast. If you're listening in the future. Those stones, the Bobchins do it at home. One may have gone, I'm not sure.

Certainly in this format, I'm not sure we'll be selling any more. It is technically illegal what I'm doing. But there are no rules to stone clearing on this and no man can own a stone except for you guys. The sun is beating down on me and I'm really regretting this ski wear now. So four months into the year, I have lost two stones ironically. Pretty much I've got about a pound to go. Maybe if I lose another pound in a couple of days.

For April, then I would have lost two stones in two months. It's the stone clearing diet. It's a beautiful thing. So depositing five stones, all of them about the size of the camera screen. Apart from one of them that is a bit smaller. Into the never-growing can. I keep adding to, but nothing seems to change there. And heading towards the stone pole.

So just digging a few choice bits of stone. One looks a bit like a Roman tile, but I'm not interested in that. Near the stone pole there seems to be a bag, seems to have lodged in the fence there. It's very strange. I don't think it's the act of vandalism that you never know with the people around here. So the Roman tile. Or just misses. Oh, the other one misses.

The other one hits the fence post. Number three, can I do it? Oh no, it's gone off the field of play. Very small stone here, just at my feet. I'll try and get that one there. No, that's missed and that's gone off as well. Oh, very disappointing for the fans of this particular part of the... That's not to come another...

But there's only really shingle around here. I've got the heat of the sun. Oh, misses by a long way. That one hit it. That one hit it, I have you to hear. So, yep, another boring day out on the stone clearing field. But that is the way, my friends, of the stone clearing. We don't do this for excitement.

You don't get drills and spills. There's only the occasional shot down in the distance going off. That's why you like it. I apologize that the last two episodes have become, or chapters rather, have become a little racy in content. I think sometimes amongst the crops in this field, maybe some kind of hallucinogenics also grow and affect me a little bit. And I get overexcited.

I don't think I'm the stone, the fire. I'm not saying I'm the new Gifa, that's what other people would say. But, you know, you're breathing in this country air. Perhaps there are some stimulants amongst them. There's some lovely little wildflowers and dandelions growing at the side of the field here. It's a beautiful thing now bathed in boiling sunshine. And that's it. You see the seasons come and go. We're not even a year into this podcast.

Believe me, it will go on for a lot more than a year. We're going to see many more springs. We're going to enjoy many more winters. We're going to see whether global warming is having an effect. But that is part of this pleasure, of this pastime's job. It is to observe. I think Wes is coming up now. I'll get Mufi on her lead right now.

They're right by the pitone bitch that's got Brexit in a moment. We're moving away from this. I think we should be able to save the world. You'll see. Mufi on her lead. Good girl. All right, Wes. Good girl. Come on. Come on, darling. Good girl.

A little bit more. Don't look at human there. He gets more exercise than the other dog. I don't know. I don't know. I think it's probably a dog. But he does make a good point that we are all getting exercise here. And I think that is part of the reason why the weight has been dropping off.

It's the dog walking, the stone clearing. Maybe not drinking any chocolate, let's face it. But let's not underestimate the power of stone clearing. For good, it's just a health thing. You want to be healthy. And you want to just give your chances of living a bit longer to clear a few more stones and hopefully have your name writ large.

In the annals, it's not rude of stone clearing. The longer you can live, the more stones you can clear, the more chances your wall has of surviving being noticed. Anyway, the ditch that I'm trying to fill, maybe once the ditch is full, then maybe brexit will happen. But it doesn't seem to be full at the moment. Very little stone clearing gone on this time, very little of interest. It's a strange podcast.

I get to get a couple of emails and I know people like those. No new rules this time. I think just the reiteration of a few of the old rules. Yeah, there's probably other things you guys like to forget about. But it's not about entertaining you, is it? That's the last thing. There's a couple of sibling stones there. That happens a lot in the path, actually,

where those two fit together as snug, as two lovers. You can see them as children, you can see them as siblings. But I like to keep them as close together as possible when they're placed off the field. Respect for what they've been through all these many billions and millions of years. So I'll lay them atop the entrance. As me and Wolfie make our way off the field of play.

And we've been gone about 30 minutes. I think that walked me to 10. About 40, 45. Maybe I was doing a bit more stone clearing. Maybe I wasn't quite as fit. Who knows what it is. But I do recommend stone clearing for that fitness. And fitness is its own reward, as I said,

because you get to do more years of stone clearing. And to make your life worthwhile. Some people say, well, I'd rather die and not be the stone clearing. But that's what you expect, your bones will dissolve and my stones will remain. It's a battle of bones versus stones. Maybe not as exciting as a game of thrones. That also rhymes.

But more real. And dragons aren't real. And none of that is real. You can run it hardly. And then really have to happen. Very exaggerated kind of switchage history. So here we are back at the road. But even time is upon us.

I think it's a lot of you having to suffer now. I have to start thinking about making some time to gather up some stones and sign them or whatever I'm going to do to them. Some exciting time for little Richie Herring. Anyone tell you that his career is in the doldrums because he's nailing out bits of stone. This is the happiest I've ever been.

I wish I did dedicate more of my life to stones and less to human beings. So anyway, here we are back at the old ranch. I'm a bit early, so we'll have to have a dinner, I think. Binde messed around because of the bank holiday. Binde were out ready to go, but it's not coming tomorrow as they usually would. It's just one of the things that I have to do.

So here we go. The kids aren't here yet, so that's good. I think it looks good, girl. Keep the secret, Wolfie. You at home, please also obviously keep the secret. No one must know what I am doing. If you do get a stone or a t-shirt, anyone ask you what it is, please do make sure

and say you don't know what it is and you don't know why you have it. Still a chance to get in. Still a chance to sponsor an episode, of course, as well. Well, how about us to put our code up UK slash Kickstarter. You can all be yours. Thanks for listening. I think it was a good one for people who use this to get to sleep.

We have to think about those people sometimes. I'm sorry to the others who like interesting stuff to happen. And I will bid you adieu. Could be Alphi de Spain. No, it's too hard to German. I will add the websites and I can't do it. Thanks to keep those emails coming in. Brian Wetwipe.

Brian Extra Sensitive Babywipe actually looking to see his name is. He says, yeah, I like the stone clearing bit and the stone clearing podcast. Thanks, mate. That was worth emailing him. Do email him if you've got some stuff to say. And if you've got any criticism, that's fine too. I'll take it on the chin.

All right, thanks for listening. I'll better go now. Bye. Stone Clever Richard Herring starred me Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog with Wes and his funny owner who doesn't know whether he gets the most exercise between him and his dog. It's his dog. It's the answer to that question. Thank you to Mike Cosgrave for composing this music.

Thank you to the voice of the Votones, Michael Faheen. Get your name in these credits. There's still opportunity by going to rahelestepa.co.uk slash Kickstarter and sponsoring an episode. You could be famous to all stone clearing people. Bye.