Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 3

Episode Date: November 26, 2018

No Sparks. After a couple of podcasts for newbies, we go right in to professional level stone-clearing, with a night clear, conducted at the unGodly hour of 6.15pm on November 23rd 2018. Richard's last night stone clear was an amazing success, filled with fear, magic, fire, ice and a huge stone. Will tonight be as successful? Will Richard fall victim to a Night Hawk? Will the dim light of his torch somehow discover treasure? But what is the meaning of treasure? Stone clearing will change your perception of this and also of your own self-worth. It's not just the night that is dark as the podcast continues, it is Richard's heart and mood and for this reason we advise any high-spirited new stone clearers to save this podcast for a time later in their career. Sure it's a profession full of joy, but it's also full of the darkness at the heart of the void that you are exposing via your work. Richard ate his curry with his wife after, and was gay and kept his experiences out in the war against the stones to himself. Only you know how he was really feeling. Only you know what he is attempting. Keep the secret.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Welcome to Chapter 3 of Stone Clearing for Richard Herring. This is recorded on the evening of 23rd November. We're going out for some night stone clearing. Dusk has come and gone. This is a very dark night. It's cloudy, no stars, no moon. We're going out to the dark field. I don't know if it happened. Up to now we've very much been catering to newbies. Maybe it was a mistake. I just wanted to try and involve everybody. I've had some moronic comments from people. When I say the stones talk to you, they don't literally talk to you. You just can work out what they're after, what they want, which ones. If they're literally talking to you, you are insane. I don't know how much more basic I can really go on this thing. Night stone clearing is not to be attempted by newbies. Please, if you're new to this, you will have to be going for at least three or four months before you even try something like this.

It's dangerous, it's scary, and I like that. The shadows jump out at you. There are ghosts everywhere. You may meet other dog walkers in the night and be scared because you're worried they're going to attack you. There are some advantages to coming at night time. There are some disadvantages. We'll go through that. There will be a short podcast because you cannot afford to stay out here for a long time at night. The ghosts of some tourist pastor here to stop you jealous of your life. They may reach up through the earth and grab you. Also, it's just scary. Also, dinner timing I want to get back a bit earlier. The advantages of collecting stones at night are there's not many people around. They can't see you if they are around. You can actually get a little bit out into the stone ocean and find some really good specimens. Disadvantages, you can't see. You're, of course, able to use a torch, something that would not have been available to stone clearers of the past, making this a much easier job.

And sometimes I have to say the light of a torch will catch a stone that you may have missed in daytime, but I've walked all along the less fecund end of the field here. And I've barely seen nothing. I was moving across. Just I've done something. I've picked up. This is the size of, I mean, a large grape. I mean, that's, I've gotten it off the field, but I mean, that's not really in the long term going to make much difference. Disadvantages, very easy to get wrapped up in dog shit. You may be walking on the field, there may be more dog shit. And under torch like dog shit can look more like a stone than it does. At other times, you're going to get distracted with leaves a lot more. They look more like stones at night. Again, just pick out three or four tiny pebbles in something. It's not much of something. I'm not even going to attempt to get them onto a can. Other disadvantages, there will be other stone clearers possibly less reputable than you, waiting for you to see what you collect.

If you collect some good things, you could be mugged and murdered for your stones and those we call them night hawks. They hang around at night trying to mug honest stone clears of their work. I mean, you know, it's a, I don't know why they do it because they could just collect their own stones. Also, not that many stone clearers come along. Probably in the long run, it's easy to just, you know, not wait and try and mug people for stones. But these guys, they don't have the same morality as you and I. There are lots of negatives. A tree up there, you know, that person, oh my God, it's a tree. A little bit scary, hard to see stuff. Not only do you have the pick of the field, not only can you get out there in the stone ocean, but also for some reason there are more stones at night time, I think. Well, you get the first pick of them, the stones grow at night and people will say I'm crazy for thinking that, but look, I've been up and down this field for three or four months.

And at least you think all the way around the edge of the field. That will be clear after I've worked hard on this. But no, there's still stones around. It doesn't seem like a major difference in three months. So you get the pick of those new stones that are reappearing and I don't think it's people putting them back. The stones are still in the can, but you will hopefully find some monsters. The last time I went out at night, I did find some really big stones. It's more exciting at night. And you can be braver, even though it's scarier, you can be braver at night. And one of the real advantages of nighttime, something I only discovered myself on the last nighttime walk, was if you didn't know what I'm doing now, throwing stones, bits of flint towards a big pile of flint.

Something amazing can happen and it's going to happen now. I wish I'd caught it. None of those it's worked for. I think all those are a little bit too light. But you can create sparks of fire by throwing stones towards other stones. Specific types of stone, if you're not on a flinty field, then that might not be for you. For me, most of this field is packed with flint. The same flint that our ancestors would have made fire with themselves would have made its tools. See, look, I've just found quite a nice... I mean, that looks like a bit of a house brick or something that... I'll carry that with me for now.

I am out. I'm following the tractor tyres. I'm trying to be a good stone clearer. It doesn't really matter about the crop. The crop is organic and ephemeral and will pass. We don't have to concern ourselves too much with that. But of course, at night time, if a farmer sees you out on the field, he could mistake you for a dog or werewolf or bigfoot and shoot you and be within his rights, especially if you are out off the path where you should be, which I am now. So what was I saying? Yes, that fire. It's an amazing thing to see. It's fireworks from the ground. It's lightning from rock. When you see that for the first time, I've noticed it in the daytime, but at night it's much more noticeable, obviously.

Just dropped a stone. We'll have to pick that up. Let's see if I can correct and describe it in audio. So I'm throwing towards my can. That one missed the can. That's the other thing. That hit the can, but no luck. This is the big one. No, that's just smashed. It's not something that's going to happen to you all the time. That's just a little one. That's not going to do us any good. I guess if you go seeking it, you can't necessarily find it, but it connects you to those early men. It makes you understand you're out here.

And my God, when I was saying the stones were cold in October, what an idiot I was. We will talk about winter conditions in another podcast tonight. The ground is still moist. Mother Nature is welcoming my fingers into her. Into a womb, really, not a sexual thing. It's like at nighttime you do feel you are delivering babies, youngsters, from the ground. And the use of forceps is allowed, I think, in this case. When you find a monster out here on the path, I'm not. I mean, I wish you'd been with me the other night.

I found a stone as big as my size eight boot. That's the size of my feet, if you're interested. I created sparks, and I guess I'm out here hoping to recreate something. Oh, that's not a bad size one. Yeah, I found something quite nice there. And I guess the beauty of that first firework, that first nighttime, the illumination lighting up the sky was that it was unexpected. Me coming back here trying to recreate that magic is probably not going to work.

But what I want you to know is it's possible, but only an accomplished stone clearer. Should be out here, first of all, at this hour, talking to themselves in a field. And maybe you need to be there to witness it. If you are trying this at home, of course, do get in touch with me, Herring, 1967. at gmail.com, or you can tweet me, Herring, 1967. Let me know how you're getting on. I'm not interested in pictures. I'm not really interested in information.

You know, this is a secret thing as, you know, none of it's working. Just one. No, that's almost too low. That was the big one. I got excited about that. Well, let's forget about the sparks. Maybe they are prized to be understood by the gods for good work. But yes, I found I have did find just towards the end of my walk.

It was at night, this colossal stone. I'll probably use it as the picture for this night because obviously it's not going to be much good taking any photos out here. You can clear up. You can, you know, without much shame, you can carry armfuls of stones away from the fields. I'm not getting much. I have to say tonight and not as much as I did again the other night. I mean, you know, it sounds like this other night. It's just made up, isn't it?

Oh, you should have seen the stones I found the other day. Yeah, sure. There was one as big as my fist just then. That's nothing. There was one as big as my boot, my size eight boot. My hands are smaller than my feet. Much smaller, as you know, if you have followed me for any time. That one is a little bit too clenched in the jaws of the field.

You know, you can, you can see the field as a mouth, as a sea, as a vagina, whatever you want. All metaphors are equally absolute. I'm taking a little walk out into the stone ocean now just to see if I can find that monster that I've been looking for, that Moby Dick of a stone, the great white stone that I know is out here somewhere that will make me famous. I'm not looking for jewels. I'm not looking for a buried gold. And that's what I realized. The happiness I felt when I found that, that's the boot stone, let's call it, was greater than anything.

If I'd found a can of gold, a pot of gold, a leprechaun spot of gold or a Viking spot of gold, it would have given me a sort of happiness, but not the happiness I had of just that discovery. It makes you realize the things you put value on in this world are sometimes not the correct things. A lump of, a huge lump of stone is actually, with the right mindset, is more exciting than, I'm literally finding nothing. I mean, I am talking to you, but, and it's dark. Okay, I've found, like, what's this? Oh, this isn't a bad one.

No, it is. It's quite bad. Maybe it fits into the palm of my hand that, you know, anything that fits in the palm of my hand. It is about the same size as my semi erect penis. So not, not tiny, but nothing to write home about. Nothing that, let's have a look in here. I mean, I'm stroked so far away. I'm not even sure where I am.

I'm a long, I'm further out in the stone ocean than I've ever been. I was expecting more from this particular part of the field. Maybe I'm on the wrong side. I have a feeling that from the brow of the hill coming down, there aren't, there aren't as many stones. But maybe on the other side of this path is the place to be. So I've got three stones in my hand, one of them is, you know, half a penis, half a very big penis. The other two much, much smaller than that. And yeah, I mean, I did promise that maybe I've come too early.

Maybe the stone gods have not laid their many eggs into the fertile ground of Mother Nature. It's the gods that lay the eggs. I'm not saying they're male or female. Mother Nature is definitely female. You've got that from her name. Well, that's an okay one. But yeah, so you're seeing the part of the problem with these late night jaunts is, you know, you're searching for things that are quite hard to see in the day sometimes. And there's this thing up stone here with my foot, which is something I've realized is, even if you don't know how to picking up that stone,

it will be a useful technique, which you should be doing in the autumn, really. Because when that winter comes, we will talk about it, it is hard to pull these teeth from the jaws of the giant mouth that is the field full of stones. But I'm calling them teeth. I mean, fuck, it would be a weird mouth that was this big. And also the teeth were just lying around independently of the jaws. But that's what it's like. And that's the best metaphor I can come up with you for you. So I have not been mugged so far, maybe the hard to know you may have been watched from the shadows.

I mean, I haven't really picked out anything that is that impressive. I have not created fire for you tonight, as I hoped. It's a tale of fire and ice in this winter scape. Do be careful, doubly careful, of course, of your animals at this time. If you are trying to create fire by throwing stones, that's a pile of stones. Make sure your dog is not near that pile of stones. We do not want any injuries. So of course, a dog being organic material is not as important as the stones you are taking.

I am building this main can at night time. And it is getting bigger. This is the one I can see some slow improvement to whereas around the field it is mildly pathetic how I'm doing. So let's just take a few pot shots. Oh, this is actually a bigger stone than I thought. This might, if I can hit, you know, there's a sport in this because they're target practice as well. Now that hit, but no sparks. Yes, the magic isn't here tonight.

Maybe you're sensing that at home. But that is going to be the way it is. I can't possibly podcast every single encounter because I have to concentrate on what little work I'm doing. But also, some nights will be better than others. Somehow, like, weirdly, the dark stones that are soil coloured have silenced down that better in the night time. Of course, you are slightly restricted by holding a torch. You can be why I've seen some dog walkers do have a torch on your head. I don't know, I dropped one, but only a tiny one.

But do you remember if you dropped one accidentally, you know, the code is you do have to pick that up. I don't see no one. I don't know if you can hear those. That one went nowhere near, I don't know where that one went. The stones will find their way, they know where they want to go. Sometimes you can guide them along. I don't know where that other one went, it went for the right way off. Of course, but that was its choice.

That was its destiny, perhaps. Perhaps we found again, perhaps by me, perhaps by another stone clue. I'll just do one more little sweep of the area around the can in the hope of discovering just something that I can just, you know, look, this is about getting the stones afield, not every day you're going to get something amazing, nor should you expect to. You have to take off those tiny pebbles. This is a long throw now. But, of course, you always hope there will just be one exceptional stone that you can go to bed

and think about what you've achieved. Not tonight I have a feeling. I have to get back, my wife's bathing the kids. We've got a curry on its way. At least I haven't really been bamboozled by many leaves. And they're so far no dog poo at all. Yes, I mean, maybe we'll leave it there. Slightly disappointed, but look, this disappointment is part of the process.

We've had some little bits of glory, I think, already. Some excitement. I hope I don't put you off by turning too deflated. I don't even feel that scared tonight. Oh, is that? Oh, no, it's not much. I'm picking up. It's not much.

You almost want to throw that back until it's grown a bit, but that's not the way stone cloning works, that's fishing. And people who think the stones grow have yet to have any scientific verification of that. I'll let those gently fall, no sparks. And I think that may be the lesson of the evening, no sparks. I will come down the hill, which, as you know, is not the most track in the places. Just stepped on a stone, so I'm going to try and kick that towards the can. It's dark, I can't see from here.

I'm going to try and find a track to track and walk a little bit down the hill. There we go. And see if anything comes up. Just so you have excitement, there's something bigger than the semi-chimassic penis stone that we discovered. Come, Wolves! Gensite dangerous, I am. 20 yards away from the shore. Who knows what kind of people are waiting out here,

what kind of cutthroats are waiting for me, there's something here? No, that's one of the most annoying stones you can get. It looks big. And then it's just actually a tiny flat bit of stone on top of the stone ocean. Well, I hope this hasn't depressed you too much. I feel mildly like I'm wasting my time sometimes with this. What's this? Well, that's a small apple.

We'll take it for tonight. And, you know, while I'm doing this, while I'm looking for one specific stone, of course I'm not really clearing many stones off, I'm carrying three down here. This evening, you can probably count how many stones I've thrown if you really want to, how many stones I've cleared, but it's under 20, I would say, which... That's the thing, you know, my calculations have been based on, you know, good day stone clearing. I can do like 200 as I walk around the field. I mean, was it worth picking that up?

Yes, it was, Richard, come on. Come on. And I guess the only value of this is you're all going to go through this kind of demoralized ocean at some point. Hold on, it's a bit of soil, is it? Yes. Yes, it isn't a bit of soil. That's how bad it's become.

I mean, it's hard. This is why I'm saying, you know, I did do better the other day. I do consider myself a professional stone climber. I've learned some stuff. Certainly, as winters come up, I'm not saying I haven't impervious to lessons, but I'm better than this. I mean, so just the ground itself looks like a stone under the light of this tiny torch. Put a hair in my mouth.

I can't be doing this. I've got a torch and lead in one hand and some stones in the other hand. I mean, it would be wonderful. I'm just approaching the point where I did find the monster stone, which I will put up as the picture, you know, at least some proof of what I've done that you can find amazing stones at night time. But as I say, yeah, I mean, the sums I did were based on taking 200 stones off the field, even just with one walk a day.

Winter has taught me, as it gets harder to get the stones off, as the stone gods start playing tricks with you, you can have days where it's 20, you can have days where it's 40. And that, of course, the mathematics are trying to shift maybe five billion pieces of stone off a field. The mass isn't in your favor when you're only taking that few. Is that going to be something over there? Well, this is a little bit bigger.

Is it? It's not really rigid. I mean, it's just the embarrassment, I guess. It's the embarrassment of me thinking I was going to create swarks for you tonight. It's the embarrassment of me bragging. And this is why stone clearing ultimately is a humbling and it makes you realize about yourself, this is not about me. This whole experience is about the stones.

It's about clearing the stones. It's about me. I'm organic. I'm not important. I will pass as all things shall, and these stones will not pass as fast. And they've taught me tonight, humility. This is a good thing. Yes, yes, they've taught me by not recording the one that I should have recorded.

That that was my private joy. That I should have kept it as my private joy. All of this is secret. Everything we're doing here is secret. It's not about aggrandizing ourselves. Yes, we may build a wall that's visible from space and will last for a millennia that will somehow bear our name, because some people will work out in the end who the mysterious guy was.

I'm trying to take the hair out of my mouth with a dirty glove. Hey, look, it's not been, you know, a lesser man than me would not put this podcast out because I'm a fear of putting people off, a fear of making myself foolish for my own arrogance to have... I mean, hubris. This is hubris. This is literally the definition of hubris, this entire podcast.

But I will put it out because this is what it's like. This whole experience is not about you, my friend. And yes, oh, stone clearing looks fun to the amateur, doesn't it? You think, hey, that looks like a laugh. I'll give that a go. It's not a laugh. It's a vocation and one that we cannot really seriously hope to succeed in. I've gone back to just one more try and, you know what, there's nothing here.

I've got three little tiny ones being not tiny by the standards of those early ones, but not much. I'm on the ken at the entrance to the field. And I think, you know what I'm saying, you know, I've grown as a man during this podcast. I've understand my limitations and I think you will start to understand your limitations as the days, the months pass, as little seems to have been achieved. As you question whether what you're doing is even worthwhile, it is worthwhile, it's important. And you have to keep believing that once you've started, or just think of that would mean

I've wasted the last three months. So it's better that I carry on. And prove that I'm right. Can I make any knowledge from that? I've made a mistake and stopped. And I will count on these podcasts and I hope the next one will be right. The next one might have more discovery, more fire, both from the stones and from my heart. But it may not.

You have to decide if you're going to accompany on this journey. This is why this, the likeness we had for those first two podcasts for the newbies. I hope you newbies will now see if you've listened to this. And I know you people who've been studying for a while will have felt all these things and know exactly where I am. It's a heart of darkness tonight. It's a field of darkness. Orphi and me are going home. Orphi's going to eat a packet of horrible dog food.

I'm going to have a delicious curry and drink a beer. And I'm not even going to talk to my wife. Well, my wife doesn't know this is happening, but I won't let her know about the disappointment in my heart. I will greet her gaily. I will wolf that curry down, that beer down as if I'm the happiest man on the planet. But in my heart, I will know I didn't achieve tonight what should have been achieved. But I also know I will go back to that field and I, my friend, shall conquer it. And Alexander laughed at something because there were no more words to conquer what there is.

And there's a whole field. And then if I get that field done, this is the next field. I mean, if I managed to get the one field done, I doubt very much whether I'll do all the fields in the world. I mean, that's probably asking too much of one person. So it doesn't matter if there are more worlds to conquer because, you know, come on, be realistic about what I can achieve. Anyway, thanks for listening. Do get in touch if you're enjoying these podcasts and enjoy your stone clearing.

See if you can identify the mystery voice in the opening titles and back home now. So obviously, nothing's going on for the sake of my anonymity. Kids are safe here anyway, so they won't find out. But my wife may know. Let's just go and enjoy our curry and pretend our lives still have me. Excellent. It still has meaning. I'm not crying.

Just my voice fell a little bit there. I'm absolutely fine with what's happening to me. Goodbye. Thanks for listening. Thanks to everyone. Thanks to Wolfie here. Okay. I'll be out.

I don't need to fail that next night. Alright. Alright, Wolfs. Good girl. Come here. Good girl. Would you like some disgusting dog food? You've been listening to chapter 3 of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring, featuring Wolfie the

Dog. Thank you to Michael Cosgrave for creating this beautiful music. He's available for Radio 4 Documentary Commissions. Thank you also to the mystery voice. Good luck with your stone clearing, everyone. Thank you.