Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 51

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Chapter 51 - Beft Coat. It's 5pm on 13th January 2020 and it's time for a cold night time clear. Richard has seen the error of his ways and not allowed a sponsor for this week's podcast, because stone clearers clear for love not money. There is some important lessons in maths and whether clothes are good or bad and the worldwide brotherhood of stone clearers. Also why you shouldn't wear you best coat when stone clearing. The best thing you can say about this one is that is mercifully short.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Come on darling, good girl. Good girl. Watch out for that, come on. All righty, good girl, good girl, come on. Come on. Whoopie, stop the music. Hello.

And welcome to chapter 51 of the Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Welcome the dogs here. We're very excited about going on a walk. It's coming up to 5 p.m. On what is it, the 13th, I think, of January 2020. So it's only evening time, of course.

This counts as very much a night time stone clear. It's dark, overcast. Not as dark as it'll get in an hour. Still pretty bad, the dog's wean. That's why she was keen to get out as a good old weaner. For anyone who's been dog-wean. A few of you are just listening for that. Human and dog-wean.

This is going to be a shortish little trip, I think. I've got to be back here to bathe the kids. And when whipping up, I hope that doesn't affect the excellent sound quality of the on-the-podcast rain.

Not very careful, but it's still quite warm. So if you're listening a bit for the news on the dog warming, it's definitely getting warmer. And, yeah, the fields wet have neglected to bring out stone-clearing flums. But

I'll just get dirty. I'll possibly get cut. I'm moving out into the station. We're fairly clear. And the bagel up is my goodness. Two stones cleared so far. We'll keep in count. Just look at the ones.

Just going to see what's out here. A couple of mites. An extra opportunity, of course. Oh, and there's a there's some change a bit. There's a little bit of a little bit of a change. And

there's a little bit of a change. There's a there's some change a bit like a hip joint. Just nearing off to the shore to be able to toss these stones. Do watch out for children and animals

even at night time. Bit of old brick there. Always nice to find a good old brick. Yep, there's definitely some stones out here. Hit some wood there. Oh, there's a nice one. We'll be chasing after those. For tones.

There we go, one very deep spot tonight there. Very much the Pellum Soil. I've come back to the shore. But for whores it could have been called in the old days. Not wearing a waterproof jacket. I bought a new

jacket from the north base. It wasn't very good. Of course these stone fairies have always laughed at me for even daring to wear any kind of clothing or this weather. It's clement weather.

This could be how they washed. Keep an eye on the time. The field looks like it's been clad in them. Furrows are chronic rather. So we may be approaching the point where the crop is planted,

the crop starts to grow and this job becomes a lot harder. Of course this is prime time. So they like hooks to take me out. It's always the game you're playing against

the stone stars. Time to time makes it easy to clear a lot of stones without being observed. It also makes it easier for them to dispose of you as they wish to. And never to believe what happened to all stone fairies.

Not many stone fairies buy an active death. And if they do it's just an active death due to the exposure to the elements. But I've accepted that. I'm going to stay alive as long as I can. Clear as many stones as I can.

Hopefully at least get this 35 acre field cleared before I succumb to death. Either by the hand of those who oppose stones by the stones themselves or by nature

mocking me for my human weakness. If only I could have the permanence of the stones that I am gradually dispersing around this field. What a life I could have.

The story is I could tell you I could just sit here being made near people walking dogs occasionally someone clearing some stones. Then there'd be that there was a time there was that fire, wouldn't there? So, you know, better than you think.

Oh! Well, that was a good throw from some distance on to the care in this corner. It's looking okay. There's some big ones on there. Did I put those there? I feel like someone else might be contributing.

I It's not very nice out here. I have to say, I'm glad it's not raining more heavily. It may start to but I'm not wearing anything like the right kit

for that. How are you doing? For the copper, for the dog copper files? The canine copper files? There's a few out there. I welcome all listeners whatever reason you're listening to this, it's fine. Got a quite powerful torch these days which does

help look out for enemies and friends. I can also scan the field for people trying to clear my field. And it is community the stone clearing community

but you do have to respect each other's boundaries and we have literal boundaries which makes it easier. I tweeted something this week about any stone cleared by anyone who's cleared by all stone clearers it was nice, wasn't it? But that's the basic thought of it.

If someone clears a stone they've cleared it for me, I've cleared my stones for them. We're all working together to a world where all stones are cleared. And one man clearing stones yeah, maybe that won't get, that's very far. But if two men clear stones

that will get us twice as far. Three men is three times as far depending on their work rate. One might be more efficient, I mean I'm pretty good. So I probably count two men compared to most stone clearers. You get the drift though

it might be it averages out probably for a million people cleared stones it'll probably still take a long time to clear all the stones but it'll take less time than one person that's

it sort of just maps really not going to set a test on it, don't worry. So that was the can across the way from the main can we're heading up the hill across the field nothing much there's a lot of mud around here

not many stones found one here I'm probably near enough to the land I've discussed it I'm running after it, it's landed a few, kind of maybe two feet from the out of the station that can be cleared in the future

nothing grows on top of it we can get kicked around so every step is a step closer to the to the goal of a stone nearer the edge we're nearer to the end

but the end is just another beginning as I'm sure you're aware till the end and then that's the end some people ask me I'm worried about the extension of humanity will that affect my

work? I mean it will a bit if that comes too soon I'm expecting humanity to become extinct obviously by nature eventually I was hoping we'd have a few that more thousands from hundreds of thousands of years ago

it might just be a few dozen in which case I'm not sure we will even if it was a million people doing this and I'm not I haven't got the numbers but I don't think it's that many yet I'm not sure we'll get it done by the end of the century that all of the fields so that's one reason to

worry about global warming if you thought it sort of didn't matter because humanity is just a scourge on the earth compared to the stone you're right about that it's a symbiotic relationship in many ways I picked them, I'm wearing my nose coats

I can't really risk carrying too many stones and I don't want to get dirty that's probably one of the main reasons of stone throwing the rule one is there are no rooms to stone throw rule two is don't wear your nicest clothes, preferably wear no clothes

but it's dirty if you're in any way worried about soiling yourself not like that I mean and like that really you cannot clear stones as effectively and that long walk

where we just had this discussion I cleared two stones and they're not even medium-sized it's a poor day, thankfully but at least it's really cold as well without the gloves thought ahead really just made the decision

to walk the dog a bit the earlier than I was planning didn't really think everything through so heading down the hill towards the Brexit ditch now sorry it's just a short version, but luckily I think I could die of exposure if I do die of exposure out here

please, if you find this recording please still put it out in chapter 51 just send it to Orange Market the British comedy guide, he will sort it out for us this is my last will and testament I feel a bit like Captain Oates and Scott Van Tartik, I'm not trying to diminish what they achieved but I think

it's probably as cold here as it was for them the flash lines picked up a couple of nice choice-looking specimens out here on the way down, so I'll just toss those to the side wind really picking up now of course night time

don't turn please especially look out for the dog poo I mean you can't, that's the thing you can't see just try and be careful I've already touched on one thing I just think if it was a dog poo, I don't think it was I think it was a skyline, but let's save that for the time of light

if it ever returns some people believe that if the stone clearers at the night do not clear enough stones, then daytime shall never return it's not something I entirely subscribe to, but it's not worth taking the risk is it, just clear

a few stones just in case because you'd be embarrassed if there was never daytime again, just because you couldn't be bothered to do your stone clearing duties I mean so we were listening enjoying this music, sleep laughing at me, I know a few of you are they laughed at

no didn't they, they laughed at it's Clive Sinclair from Vetting the C5 who had the last laugh on that one we know is probably a better example out of those two he's not deaf and real whereas Clive Sinclair is deaf and real it's probably the people who were laughing at him

but it hasn't it's not over yet to see if I might come back so then he'll have the last laugh that's what I'm saying, I'll have the last laugh some people are laughing at me, so stop laughing at me there's a few times I've tweeted about the stone clearing process with that wind

it's scary now and people have replied with things I think might be attempting to make puns about stones and I would to refrain from doing that it's highly offensive to me and my people stone clearing is a very serious business

and puns are really rubbish so please there's no jokes in this podcast deliberately I could be as funny as Larry if I wanted but I've elected

to be serious about this, could I take it seriously I mean ran that field there, I may have cleared 15 stones today and now admittedly I'm heading back in because it's too cold and unpleasant but if the sun comes up tomorrow

you'll know to thank for that I don't expect people to cheer me in the streets and stuff for this but it's great for a few who are not laughing at me or mocking stone clearing serious things, my beliefs

and if I was a Muslim or a Christian or something you wouldn't mock that and the thing with my one is real so it's doubly important you don't mock it they're bloody stupid Christians

maybe it's Jesus having Jesus himself was a stone clearing not the Son of God as these people think who is the Son of God it's not for me to say whoever it is would be good at stone clearing that's definitely for sure

right, well people are coming home from work you can hear the road's pretty busy we've done a super fast walk, that's really good 15 minutes of podcasting that's what you're paying your money for this week's podcast isn't sponsored by anyone and that golden period where we were sponsored remember last week

no one's going to touch to sponsor it yeah, that's right still underpens down so we're heading back into the warmth now I mean, you know, it's not that cold and that's why I would have said to Scott would be Antarctic

Whoopee, what are you doing? wait there what? that's people going into their house you can't bark at people going into their house that's not honest there what are you doing? stop it

what? you're crazy stop it what's wrong with you? just standing here mad there alright let's go, thank you

I know it's like that here in the country we're doing nice people alright Wolfie, where are we there? good girl we're back home, so thanks for all the emails coming in I have sent this on Twitter I just read the ones at the top of it

they're kind of coming in so fast if I don't read yours please don't be offended Simon dogbasket was been in touch to say I'd really like you not to read that

can you I'm worried my name isn't as crazy as some people you read out and maybe that's how you choose it it's not how I choose Simon, as you've now discovered I just choose whoever's scratching my hands, it's a very important thing to do just know I'm clearing

it's just whoever comes up so please don't take it personally if I don't read yours there are so many and I don't obviously don't check the quality I just read what I did there

so thank you for everything in there Simon dogbasket it's a D-O-G-G and it's B-A-S-Q I don't know if I've mispronounced it anyway I think we might leave it there it's been a fun little podcast you've got

nearly 20 minutes for your time check it out there and not wasted we haven't wasted anyone's time today, I think that's definitely clear so thanks for tuning in we'll be back next week, I've got quite a well maybe not next week because I've we were in the recording studio working on Relativity

which if I've written it all I'll probably be writing it now rather than talking to you one more episode to go, it'll probably be okay haven't been done anything today I thought we'd have got five days for it to take a day off take a day off, do some stonefaring so thanks for listening, we'll see you next time

thanks to Duke Edo's emails coming in there's not all coming in just yet and we had the ping-pong you hear it that was I haven't got time, it's ginger ducie beans it's been in touch ginger ducie beans, and I have ginger as a nickname

some people are called ginger aren't they just say keep keep up the good work, I mean they'll get a lot of that just keep up the good work appreciate it ginger and yeah alright see you later, the kids are just having a bath

I think see you later, bye don't my friend and they've a half thing ye merry dance don't liven to the birds and trees

don't liven to your underpants liven to the stone liven to the stone and they in turn

I'll liven to ye my friend my fine friend don't cling with Richard Herring start me Richard Herring, I'm walking the dog and one of my neighbours being barked at by the dog

a nice man who let me into the road this music was arranged from the traditional song by Michael Coffgrave the opening music also written by Michael Coffgrave the voice of the toms is Michael Pihing liven to the stones

my friend and they ye merry dance don't liven to the birds and trees don't liven to your underpants

liven to the stone liven to the stone and they in turn I'll liven to ye

my friend my fine friend thank you