Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 57

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

Chapter Fifty-Feven - Hot and Cold Ftone Maffage. It's 8am on 25th February 2020 and this lesson is ostensibly about the best way to get stones to the edge during a cross field clear. But Richard reveals what might be the origin story of his fascination with ftones and how this whole thing might be an attempt to dredge up repressed memories of a man maybe using stones as an excuse to touch Richard's winkie. Maybe not though. He might just have dreamed it. But it does make sense of his obsession with the temperature of stones. Trigger warning - if a man has touched your winkie twice whilst giving you a massage, this podcast might dredge up memories of having your winkie touched twice during a massage.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring See you later kiddies, I love you so much, bye bye honey, oh that's a lovely way, see you soon Oh, you idiot No idea, no idea what's going on Right, we'll split there Morning Come on again, take it He thought she was fending

Come on Adam Well, here we go again, it is just shy rate at 8am It's the, what day is it, 25th of February There's a break in the path, where does that come from? I don't have to clear that, it's not in the field but it's clear to the side of the path That's just half as severe as I am It's always good to practice There's stone clearing wherever you may be

For I am the Lord of the stone seti This is chapter 57 Coming up to the end of February So spring is on its way We haven't really had wind to yet, maybe that will come during the spring I'm coming out with unshod fans actually today I might have some, I don't have my proper gloves Now we're back to

Oh, there's a dog, whoopee, whoopee, whoopee Whoopee, this way, whoopee, come here There's a dog that way, but also a man with the dog Which I'll make the stone clearing slightly tricky Just going to bend down and dampen them Do a shoelace up there and just get one out Of course that guy doesn't know where my Wellington's, come on whoopee They do not have laces

Two very small stones cleared so far today Doing a minor hassle off out into the field As I've seen a few stone sparkly These are going in the Brexit Dict, which is at the start of today's stone clearing Oh and the guy's gone now, so you know this was all for nothing Three more in the Dict to stop Brexit, see if they can stop Brexit Not looking so good So it's calm, we've had storms for two weeks here out on the field

You may recall I was in a storm the last time we met It couldn't be calmer than it is today And that is sort of what stone clearing is all about isn't it That's sort of what it's all about One day you can be out, being lashed The next, it's like you're in a spa under a treat Being pampered by the gentle breeze So for some people do use stains in massages

Before I became a stone clearing I understood the power of stones I myself had a hot and cold stone massage That is not an appropriate use of stones They're not to be heated up and cooled down for your delight Nor to be removed from the field just replaced on your chakras They're more powerful than that Also the man who did that hot and cold stone massage I'm pretty sure he touched my willy a couple of times

I was quite relaxed, I'm not saying I liked it He was sort of a middle aged guy In the dead I didn't have to wear anything I thought they'd give me a pair of pants and there's just a little towel Just as he went past The thing is that my penis is pretty big So it's hard to get past without lightly brushing If you're coming in really from any direction

If you're within the vicinity It's a tricky thing to miss But to do it twice It seems a bit suspect or I might have just dreamt it I don't know but that's why I also don't like hot and cold stone massages Hot and cold stone massages because I've always dreamt of being in a massage situation Where the massage starts touching my penis and that was not why

It was almost like I'd gone to a genie and said I wish that could happen And the genie said I'll think of a way to make it less exciting than you thought it would be It was still quite exciting I'm not knocking it, thank you genie for giving me the opportunity That's a careful what you wish for Oh there's a dog walk in the distance again There's some dog walk without today Oh that was a good throw though

I'm at 10-15 yards and it's going to be the shortest stone career today I have to go to the gym I threw from 15 yards right onto the Right onto the can there That one again jumps over the can, not too bad It's quite good this bit because this is a good way of exercising the dog Wow! There's a lot of stones here

I'm a stone's throw literally from the can Quite a difficult stone's throw She can run back and forth chasing him while I just get him at least towards the can All of these have gone I might as well retrieve that one which is always the danger here Good girl, drop it That was a very stone-like A very stick-like stone

Stick-like stones may break my bones Oh of course she's doing that one back again Let's not throw that one maybe I actually dropped it but it's somewhere in the field That's a bigger discos leaf sort of one that I've got close to the edge That's a little one that I've come too far away Oh no, that was amazing That was an amazing throw, that stone knew where it wanted to go

And it went there Leave it Wolfie, but Wolfie's grabbed it Actually the light here is very good You can see a lot of... There's a lot of stones to clear out in particular Come Wolfie Come on Now I'm going to double go right behind it

So that's where I was throwing the stones Luckily I saw them in time to not hit them with a stone But it doesn't mean I'm going to be walking past these amazing stones It's okay Well there's some amazing things here but we are a long way from shore So I may cross back this way It's boring for you if I do that There's a lot of non...

A lot of time to not play stones Oh there's a black stone with a white Out of that period Out of Shell That's caught my eye and I picked that one up It's coming with me, there's one on the right in the centre of the path here We'll pick up a couple on our way down Typically as you'll know, usually this is the way up

There aren't as many stones on the... The side of the field where the can of the main can is So it's worth picking up a couple if you're on my field It's very specific to my field So watch out for your field too but this may be the case on your field If you see an area where there are less stones An area where there are more stones And you have to cross that part of the field

Maybe try and carry a few of the stones from the more stony bit Back over to the other side where there's less stones And then you can put them on the cans on that side and build those cans up So a little tip, you only really get to that level A stone clearing after many months of observing You can see where I'm walking now, there are a few little stones There's a dog walking right behind me again So I bring really...

I don't really... It's the far off way they come here But I can't bend down to pick up any more stones They're looking incredibly suspicious So this whole gnarling joint across the field Really brought us two stones And they're barely outside of the small dynamic I would say

Generous because I might put them right on the top end of the small But I think you'd have to be insane to say they were medium So anyway they're on The dog walker behind me may have seen that You can certainly see everything I'm doing now This is perhaps a stone clear Where not too many stones shall be cleared What's happened here?

Why can't I suddenly see someone's taken down the loads of... Yeah, someone's cut back to the side I can see right into the next field That's not usually the case Come on! Good girl It's exciting for me See another field

Didn't know there was another field there But there's another very similar field Beyond the pathway between these two fields That I could move on to If I clear this field and the field That I'm not meant to be going in That I occasionally go in Which is next on my agenda

Oh, good girl Is that just a wee wee? I guess we'll never know now She was off the field It was too hard to define So that also means it's safe It was in that hedgerow Whatever she did

For those worried about too Just a chance to pick up a few stones now Is the... Oh! I think I threw a stone that landed in the tree That didn't seem to come out It must have So a few more dog walkers out this morning

Excuse me The plane's flying by Passengers are unaware of what's going on down here Oh, and there's the poo That one might be near enough to the edge to pick up I knew it was coming, Wolves Yeah, like clockwork Like a clock that instead of turning the time

Oh, yeah, that's a big poo Might as well pick that one up Then turn the time It defecates Not the kind of clock you want in your house It's a fine clock to have out in the field Quite a soft poo there if you're interested In that aspect of this podcast

I've got most of it up a little bit Remained on the grass But again, it's not in anyone's way Worth picking up just to be on the safe side Remember dog poo can blind children But you've really got to rub it in So don't do that Rub it into their eyes, don't do it

It's not nice Kids are alright And they've been quite short Stoneclays of late Things have been a little bit busy in the real world If this isn't real Oh, that's a nice one Oh, I found a very nice one

Hidden away Good medium-sized stone Very well disguised Just nestling under the waves Of the ocean That goes on to the can in the corner of the field Oh, he's taken an interest in that can today Oh, that sounds cold

Just a touch of death in my fingers As I hold that on for too long And I love a good throw I'm getting very good at throwing from a distance Landing on the cans Alright, we're heading along To where the fire Remember the great fire of the field

The great fire of Photones That's a nice stone But it's been trenched within the pathway I'll get it later Long here there has been, as you know, some resistance To my stoneclaying My stone's kicked back By angry villagers

Who think that the stuff on the other side Of the fence still somehow belongs to them Idiots I can kick back though I can kick back as much as they can kick forwards And I'll just deny everything If they ever front me That's the beauty of this

There is no record of what I'm doing No one can pin this on me Always satisfying when the stone hits the fence Have you heard that one? People still ask me Estimates all the time Estimates how long it will take me to complete this job I've been going for

I suppose for about 14 months I must have killed over 100 stones by now I'm joking, it's way more than that Two or three hundred No, I'd say still a few million to go But I'm not a mathematician But I've had 20 months to do it I've had indeed left the field

Although there's quite a lot of opposition at this day I still imagine to remain largely Remaining largely Unfettered I've got more off than I thought I would in the end This little patch of this little stretch hasn't been too bad Taking a little hasten half hour to see what's out here This is another bone shaped stone

A bit more than we'll probably chase Let's find out how much we can get to it Oh, I can see it Again, just the way the sun is hitting the field today I'm picking out some stones in the distance And there's a nice one here And probably has a whole thing out too Maybe not as big as it looked from a distance

But still, try to much a couple of ground And reds and leaves Anyone would be proud of that It's not a massive one It's as big as my hand I don't know that's not that big Still some of you are proud of All the good foundation stones

And again, another stone Just the light picking out the stones In the distance Just a nice white stone In semi-circular globe We'll see how exciting about this one Come on, we'll get going That's just a short one for today

We get a reverse sweep of the field I think there was some good information in there There's a banana skin down here on the path That's a bit dangerous Just one of the many traps set for me By my enemies Let's get water on the leaves Got to get back home

Get the kids to school That's another piece of advice I would have For any potential circumstances Don't have children I mean, you might think Oh, eventually they'll be able to Help me clear the stones Which is starting to happen

But the amount of work You have to put into getting them to that level Unless there's a danger Sometimes you can say, You may like clearing stones But I don't, I want to clear leaves There's a conversation that will break the heart Of any parent

But that's the danger you might actually Be creating I will put stones back on the field No, son That's what I want It's against nature Your old fashioned dad That's why I imagine what happened

So, don't have kids If you can Use contraceptives If there's any way you can stop yourself Being fertile Radiation is quite good Finally, radioactive stone Put it under a genital

Sleep with it there That can prevent It's a terrible, terrible drain On your resources And time So let's face it There's a time when What can bump

Just like looking to living stones Just makes you think That you're prioritising this world Anyway, coming back out onto the road I'm going to brick there Where's all these bricks coming from When I cleared it I'm going to come back out again

That's where it gets clear now Right, Wolfs Here we go Oh, yeah, I forgot I'm doing this So Well, that's all I've got for you today Just going across the road Here we are back home

I'm going to put the Dog poo in the bin There it goes, Wolfs Do you ever wonder what I'm doing to your poo? Do you ever wonder why I pick it up And carry it with me if I just then put it in a bin? Do you think I'm crazy? I'm not crazy

I'm the same as a person right now Right, so that's it Let's go and help get the kids ready for school now Have them walk the dog Minimal work, wouldn't it, Wolfs? I'll give you some food as well Not a monster You've been a good girl

Thanks for listening We'll see you again next week For more stone clearing Can't it all be storms? That's the thing, can it all be storms? And then, yeah Sometimes it's calm And

Talking about men touching your willy It's good to get that out there Had to have talked about it Should really have said something about the storms How many more willies has that man Washed his hand again It's not ours to reason why Don't you think it's lovely food?

Oh look, it's a brand new bowl, I washed it Good girl Thanks for listening, see you next time Stone clearing of Rich Tane Good bye, that's all right We'll be back in quite a moment Lippin' to the stone Lippin' to the stone

And they in turn Are lippin' to ye My friend My fine friend Stone clearing where Richard Herring Started me Richard Herring and walking the dog Plus some workmen outside our house In the distance

The music is composed Mainly by Mike Coffgreys And the voice of the photons Is Michael Faheen Lippin' to the stones My friend And they foul thing Ye a merry does

Don't lippin' to the birds And trees Don't lippin' to your underhand Lippin' to the stone Lippin' to the stone And they in turn Foul lippin' to ye My friend

My fine friend