Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 61

Episode Date: March 24, 2020

Chapter Fixty One - Fell Out It's the evening of 23rd March in the first year of the plague and Richard seems to be distracted by the huge break out success of his twitch tv stream of live stone clearing http://twitch.tv/rkherring. Is he heading for a fall? Has he fold out? Join him at 8am every morning to find out and see what it looks like outside. And if you have an Amazon Prime account, get a twitch account, link the accounts (do this on a browser - just put Twitch into search on Amazon and click the button) and then subscribe to Richard's channel using the subscribe button and Twitch Prime option.

Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. Hello, hello, hello. This is Mike, number one, isn't this a lot of fun? Hi there, it's 1745. It's the 23rd of March in the year of our play. After a quick evening Stone Clearing, it's going to be a very quick one, chapter 61. The audio sofas are going to continue, though if you're into Stone Clearing and you've got nothing else to do, which I think is everyone now, isn't it? ATM, most mornings, if not all mornings, I will be out on twitch.tv.rkherring. You can watch for free, usually do 30 minutes to an hour. Stone Clearing, you can see the field, you can see the task ahead of me. You can chat, it doesn't have to be about Stone Clearing, but obviously it should be.

You can meet other Stone Clearers, it's all secret, no one knows about it. You'll be able to pick up a lot of tips. To be honest, the audio remains the, I would say, professional place for your Stone Clearing, if you're taking it a bit more seriously. It's a bit mainstream, the TV version of it. It's a bit simplistic, maybe for some of you, but you might get a kick out of it, you might get a kick out of it. Remembering when you were a green fingered, which isn't good in Stone Clearing, Stone Clearing, you can see Wolfie, it's quite good fun. There's a whole load of stuff coming up on twitch.tv, twitch.tv.rkherring, and remember if you're an Amazon Prime member, you can connect your accounts and give me money for free every month. If you have to come back every month, come to my channel, subscribe, use the Amazon Prime subscription option. Once you've connected your accounts, you've got to link them. It's a little bit difficult, but I managed to do it, so you can do $5 a month. Most of it comes to me. We will use that to create more podcasts.

There's a lot of Amazon Prime members out there in the world, most of whom are not aware of twitch or using that facility, so it's a chance for you to tell them about this, try to get them turned on to it. They don't even have to watch twitch.tv. They can just give me the money for free. I love it when we find a way to raise funds that don't cost you anything. It'll cost you a little bit of time. We will have an explanatory video up for those who find it tricky to connect up, but it's an exciting time, so stone clearing. I think it's going to go mainstream. You can say you were the guys there before it became the most popular pastime in the UK. The sun's setting. It's a beautiful day. It's a bit cold. You wouldn't know the world was in chaos. Everything's obviously a little bit more peaceful than it was. The beauty of this situation is, of course, that we have to socially distance. If I see someone coming on the field, I have to avoid them, and they have to avoid me. It's beautiful.

In a world gone mad, maybe what the world needs now is stone clearing. One man fruitlessly attempting to clear stones. Is it the craziest thing on this planet, or is it just symbolic of what's going on on this planet? Oh no, my watchwatch is running out. I thought I'd charged it. What a disaster. Check that hasn't affected the recording somehow. You never know. Just at the point where an angry man has clicked all my stones back into the field. You'll see that on the TV if you want to see it. Some of you prefer to keep this as an audio adventure. Look at the size of this fucker. How did this get out here? That makes no sense. That definitely wasn't here today. Someone's chucked that there. I've chucked it back. I think there's some saboteurs out here trying to stop my work, but I won't allow them to stop it. So the audio podcast will continue. I'm just trying to get Twitch TV up and running, so this is going to be a pretty quick one this week as I do my evening dog walk.

And you probably will generally get stone clears at the evening, the afternoon, maybe a few night clears. I might try night clear on Twitch at some point, but I'll have to wait till it's quite dark and everybody say that. I mean, we'll be just racing around the field, not doing too many clearing of stones. It's a beautiful day, so do stick with us if you are self-isolating. I mean, maybe don't listen to them clearing if you're on your own. Might be just the final straw. But I'll do my best to keep on churning out both entertainment and stuff like this, which I don't think anyone could call entertainment, and it's not meant to be. It's informative, it's hard work for me, for you, a listener. And I hope you will not judge me too harshly for taking stone clearing into the visual medium. I know some of you won't approve, but you could always tune into the Twitch TV and close your eyes.

And then it's very similar. It's happened to a lot of stone clearers. Brian Bramble, I know, first with a celebrity, went to his hair, he started behaving like an ass. That's not going to happen to me. Just because upwards of 200 to 300 people watch me stone clear every morning, I'm not going to get arrogant about it. Do you think 200 people watch you stone clearing? No, I don't think they would. So have some fucking respect for me. You fucking clebs. In these dark times, this will help me know how the full entertainment team is going to run out. You'll either get repeats or the atmosphere-less shows without audiences recorded by terrified entertainers where they could go down with a mortal virus at any point. Oh, there's a dog walking the distance. I think we're far enough apart to be safe, but it looks like a lady, but I can't really tell. Has she got a dog or is she just walking? I can't see any dog. She looks very attractive from a distance. It might be a man. Still, yeah, it's got to take you where you can get it in these days. It will be bloody typical if all the women of the village start coming on to me just as I wasn't allowed to touch them.

My life, I thought 2020 was going to be a brilliant year for me. I've been saying it for months. There's lots of exciting things that we're going to be going on. And then the stone gods said to test me. I'm like Job, but loyal to them. Yeah, they test me still. So no idea who that young lady is, but she's Stone Starzy. That will be typical of them as well. Send a Matahari-type spy to lure me away. No, I must stay focused on the stones just because I'm a famous stone-climbing celebrity now. The stones which are the stones. I always knew my time would come, though, if I was patient. There's self-placed nuker going on in the evenings. It's worth a look if you're interested in sport. We're going to pick up some rehearsal interviews. We've got about a nine in the tank, I think, and then after that we're going to need something. It would be nice if we're back in the theatre by then, but I don't think we will be.

We'll keep your breasts on that. Not that you'll be that particular. Just look at these beauties out here. They're coming across the field. It's much easier without the camera. I tell you that's the problem with holding the phone. It does make it difficult to actually do the job of stone-climbing, which to some people is the whole point of what I'm doing here. Oh, I'm getting some beauties out here. Shame we're not filming it because this would send the stone-hags. They're called the love stone-cleaners. Send them crazy if they could see the stones I'm pulling out of the earth now with my bare hands. I've got that one. It's definitely on the large scale. It looks like a fucking meteorite. I'm not just swearing. I'm on cocaine. Constantly drunk. Success has come to my head, but I'll probably learn a lesson along the way as I'm punished by the stone gods. Yeah, so we're just whizzing around the field today. But fuck, if you could see that beauty, I'll take a photo of it.

I'll put it atop the main can. It's not quite as big as the other one in the middle on the top. Again, it's nowhere near as big actually, but it's still impressive. So I'll take a little photo of that for posterity. And also, still going, I think. We're still going. Yes, we are. A mere 11 minutes of stone clearing. Turned it off there, but realized straight away, so not too bad. I don't think we've lost anything. A person crossing the field on the phone. Wolfie, they're on the phone. Come on, quick. They're after us. No dog. It's always suspicious. We're coming down to the ditch that stopped Brexit. Don't need to thank me for that. That's over.

You didn't think it would happen, did you? But it's finished. If you think we're going to Brexit now, you're living a dream of the ditches also going to cure the coronavirus or make it work much worse. I can't quite, I can't until I've put some stones in our can't work out which way it's going. If it turns out the coronavirus is getting much worse, I'll stop putting stones in there for a bit. I'm not a monster, but there is the chance it will stop the coronavirus. And again, I'm not doing this for my own fame. I'm not doing it to make my life, my name lived for eternity. I'm doing it for you. I mean, I'm doing it for the stones really. I'm not really getting it for you either. But if I can stop the coronavirus and get a Nobel Prize for that, then I will accept it because it will be good for stone clearing.

If I become rich carrying the order of the stones, that will also be good. So anyway, here we are at stone. I haven't picked up any stones all the way down there and what's being followed. The young lady playing hard to get has gone a different direction. I know her trick. I don't, I still remember the days of dating. I know how people are when they're dating. The tricks they play. The kids playing tennis. And there are five little stones going into the ditch that stopped or created or caused the coronavirus. History, only history will be able to judge that one. And yeah, I just thought I'd let you know that you can get that Twitch TV hit eight o'clock in the mornings.

Usually I'll do my best to get out there every day. The nation needs me. I like King Arthur. I'll return. Good girl. You've done some wee, haven't you? You're a good girl. Shall we go and get some dinner? Just time for a couple of emails which we don't do on there. I know a lot of people on Twitch are using false names because they all come up and hardly any of them sound real. A firm tree branch. A true branch. It's like it's got to double E in it, but I think you can have a true branch.

She has got in touch. There was a good one. I thought of, let me just check what it was. Richard, you say that no one should tell anyone about the same thing in podcast or Twitch TV, but isn't it going out to tens of people every week and letting them know what you're doing? What are you thinking? You could almost be a piece of comedy. It's so ridiculous what you're saying. Thank you, Fern. No, you're wrong, Fern. All these audios and videos, they don't go out to anyone. I'm recording it all for posterity if you're listening to this.

You are listening in the future when I'm long dead. I'm laying them down. I've actually got a clause in there that they cannot be released until I'm dead, until 100 years after I'm dead. You're assuming this is happening in your time, but to me, you are from at least 100 years in the future as you're listening to this and you're rallying me. Don't worry, I'm just waving to my neighbour there. I'm distracted. Putting his bins out, we're still allowed to do that, but for how long? I hope the future is nice, whatever year you're living in. Whatever year it is, I'm 100 years before I'm long dead.

Don't worry about anyone finding out what I've done, I've done that deliberately. If the wall is amazing and people want to name it after me, then they can. That's no use to me because I'm long dead, as I said. Don't worry about that, that's covered. There are folks in these audio chapters. The best. I can do just a bit of fun when we throw the stones at the stone pole. That's the only bit of fun we have, and that's not a joke. They're still deadly serious. Right, I'm back home. I've got lots to do.

I've got to prepare for a snooker tonight. Do tune in if you can. 100 years ago in the past. I've got to feed the dog. I'll put that phone, boss. Let's see if we're still going. Thanks for tuning in. Sorry it's a bit of a short one, but I hope that will keep your fix going. We've answered a question, and I think you should be pleased for me that things are going so well for me. I'm not worried that other people are getting in on the things that you discovered,

but remember I've been dead for 100 years, at least. It could be a thousand. I don't know who's listening to it. They've buried underground the files, so they may never get heard, but if you listen to them, they have been heard. Hello. Hope you understand English. This is what everyone was doing in my time. All right. See you. Goodbye. Listen to the stone.

And they, in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my fine friend. Stoneclaying with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring, a wolf with a dog, and some people maintaining social distancing. The voice of the baton is Michael Faheen, and the music is adapted by Michael Coffray. Listen to the fountains, my friend, and they, falfing, hear Mary dance. Don't listen to the birds and trees. Don't listen to your underhands. Listen to the stone. Listen to the stone.

And they, in turn, falf, listen to you, my friend, my fine friend. Thank you.