Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 64

Episode Date: May 31, 2020

Chapter Fixty-four - Love is like a Butterfly. It's been a while, but it's 29th May 2020 and about 5.15pm and Rich is out in the rich summer evening sun to clear stones. But it's so peaceful and one terrifying incident aside, we're free of the FF and he feels like he's eaten a whole bag of marijuanas. It's a backwards loop and there's now a Dominic Cummingf cairn, but apart from that it's business as usual. Except finally someone is flirting with Rich. Remember if you want to join the mainstream idiots you can watch live stone-clearing most mornings at about 8am at http://twitch.tv/rkherring and if you're with Amazon Prime you can give Rich a free £5 a month too. It's good to be back.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Whoopie! Whoopie! Whoopie outside! Whoops! Hello darling, come here! Whoopie, Whoopie, Whoopie! Hello my lovely! Come to daddy! Good girl! Good girl, come on! Oh wee! Oh there's a doggy in there, look! Can you see the doggy? Can you see the doggy? Well, you missed it Wolves! Just have to hold on to the man coming! Come on, come on!

Thank you! Well hello my fine friends, how are you doing? I think this is chapter 64, it's the 29th of May 2020 and it's about 5.15pm, quite an unusual time. It's been a little while since I've been in your ears, I've been coming in your ears and I hope you didn't think I might have succumbed to this virus that's going around because actually stone clearing is one of the things that keeps you 100% safe from stone clearing as long as you stone it from the coronavirus, as long as you stone clear

at least an hour a day, every day. Whoopie, come here! Whoopie! Whoopie, come here! Come here! Whoopie! Come on Whoopie! Hi there! I'll head up that way and then we'll go get you! Whoopie!

Come on Wolves, you're a good girl! Sorry, a bit of a diplomatic incident there with one of the stone starsies waiting for me right at the entrance of the field, sneaky. I admit that I haven't put a stone on the alphanomic again and also I'm heading in the wrong direction, they've completely thrown me and ruined today's podcast but yes as long as you have stone clearing an hour a day you can't get the coronavirus so do bear that in mind. That's guaranteed.

And although I haven't been coming to you too often I have actually recorded two podcasts, one from my pocket just too awful to put out and another one that just felt like too much of a passing thing when my video camera went wrong. This is the first one for a month or so. To you, the people I really love, I have been doing daily almost video lessons. Sometimes nearly 200 people are watching at a time, I mean it's incredible really when you think of the reach that stone clearing is now making.

They've been very exciting, they do disparate the ether, I think we're not saving them. So they're there for about a month or so on the Twitch site which is RKHerring.com Let's check this still working, yeah. Sorry, I'm in such trouble with this phone that just pauses itself. So I don't know what you've missed. It seems like I just can't catch a break and do a regular podcast for you. Is it working now?

It seems to be going. We'll see. We'll see if it works. It's a beautiful Sunday evening. The crops are growing now. We haven't with ascertained what they are. They're above ground soon the stones will be hidden from you. It means you can hustle off a little bit now that you can see where the plants that you can move around them. It's important you do not incur the wrath of the farmer too much.

So don't trample on its crops if you can help it. Especially if you're filming yourself. If you're not filming yourself, don't do what the fuck you like. It's boiling hot, it's like Mediterranean country. It feels like the vineyards of some Italian Riviera. Things have been pressing well out here though. I hope you haven't missed me too much. I've been putting on a lot of show for the TV cameras pretending I'm scared of old women on mobility scooters.

You know the real me. Well these stones are actually warm to the touch. That's a beautiful thing. We've experienced together what it's like to pick frozen stones out of the ground that remind you that one day you'll be dead. But one of the warm stones of summer, of the summer evening that remind you that there is still life to be lived. I hope you will appreciate those as well. I've got a terrible feeling this isn't recording but I guess if it isn't you will never hear this. Just the earbuds filled weird in my head.

Weird as they usually do. In a second I might stop and check it's worked. But here we are at the stone pole. We're coming to ask about TIT. And let's see how many of the five ammunitions I've got I can hit with. Oh bad miss. Oh bad miss the other way. That's not the stone pole that's behind.

Oh missed with everyone. Surely the last one. No five out of five misses. That is terrible bad luck. If you do want to watch my video adventures along with the other suckers. Then do head to twitch.tv.sharkahearing every morning. You can subscribe with cash or if you're an Amazon Prime member you can give me some free money from Ian Amazon's Deep Deep Cockets. We've got the Dominic Cummings pole here.

I'll try to take a photo of it for you. Someone's put a little beanie hat on it. In memory it might have been Dominic himself. In memory of what's happened this week. We're still rolling. We are. I'm just going to listen to it and check it's working hold on. Okay well like I may listen to the beginning but it seems to be working okay so we'll assume it is working.

Could just double check it's definitely. Bear with me kids I'm just paranoid after all the... Yeah it says connected so that's fine. It's still working. So we lost a little bit. And it paused but hopefully nothing too important. I hope you're still stone clearing. I hope you're still interested in stone clearing.

If you're really interested you could watch the TV version. But so this is where stone clearing comes into its own really you get to have a lovely walk in the summer sun. After those... All the toil of winter it wasn't very cold this winter I have to say but it was a lot colder than this. This feels like a little bit feels like the end of a war. The lockdown comes to the end of its first phase. I'm pretty sure we'll be back locked down pretty quickly once the kids are back in school. Because we're led by a lot of fucking idiots but let's not get into politics.

If the government achieved anything there would be no stones to clear would they? If I was the prime minister first thing everyone would have to go out to the fields clear the stones to all the stones they'd be gone. Then we can think about other affairs of state. But no they're more interested in destroying the country. What are you doing? You just spat on me. You just spit on me. Got all wet.

Might have been a wee. Or an ejaculation. Don't think so. I've got four nice stones here that I'm taking across to the central camp which is coming across nicely. Beautiful bush growing around this pool which almost seems like nature celebrating the success of this central camp. Controversial camp for many of you feeling the stones should come off the field. Not be placed right in the middle that you're wrong. I've got a nice handful of stones and they're going in in about I'd say 25 seconds time I'll be there.

I wish you could see what they're doing tonight. It's lovely. I mean I should come out with the camera this time. It's beautiful in the morning of course. It's just so green and lush out here. I mean I don't like those things. I like the darkness of stones. Right wolves.

I don't know which way to go. Should we go all the way around? I did drop a stone. I was forced to drop a stone down here quite recently. I've never quite located it again. Might have been that one. That is now nice. That bounced nicely onto the camera throw.

It must have been further away than that was it this one. Nice bounce into the tree. Might have lobbed itself in the tree or it might fall down. Who knows? Who cares? None of you matter. If you were out here with me you would not be worried about any of the concerns of the world.

You'd worry about the stony things. They're not the affairs of men. And it's nice to be doing this non-commercial version of Stone Clearing. I'm not asking you for money though if you want to give me some money go to www.Badgers.com and you can become a monthly badger. I'm thinking of doing a special Stone Clearing kickstarter as well just to give you some exclusive merchandise. Maybe some membership badges if you're into that.

But I have some work to be done first. When that work is finished I may move on. On the positive side all my other work has been cancelled. I won't be the Edinburgh Fringe so that does mean more Stone Clearing time. Going around this 35 acre field I usually only go around about 40% of the field on my walk I would say. It's still a lot of work to do. In a sense having these lines of plants here makes you realise just how many stones are

there. So it's like processions of stones shrouded by lettuces of some kind. I think they'll grow into something else but they look sort of like horrible lettuces at the moment. Oh there's my stone. On this walk I've picked up four stones so far. Various sizes. Probably a medium medium there or the rest.

It's between small mediums and large. In that bailey wick. Now the stone starzy. Just that lady at the beginning of the field who has thrown me off. Throwing me off course through the recording off course of it as well. Yeah okay woops. I'm having a good time. What's it like not being filmed?

It's alright isn't it? So unusual coming this way. I've been forced into the reverse sweep which I quite like. It makes you think about the way you view your world. I'm walking over a lot of stones here to get to the ken. It has actually been destroyed quite badly by whoever cut back the, it was a long way back from the fields but they've come in with their equipment right up the edge and destroyed one of the nicer kens I've seen.

So that has to be rebuilt. Do remember to try and get your stones as far off the field as possible. Not so far into the next field though remember that. That's also just as important. Oh that will be disfighted. The tracks of the vinty scooter have now just become part of the field but they killed so many plants on their way that there's an extra path through the middle of the field. This is glorious.

I never want to go home. If I could live out here of course I would. But it might draw too much attention. I'll be able to sleep big amongst these crops. Got a bit of dust in my throat. Keep going folks. It's too gorgeous out here as Peter Baylin might say. I don't know what he'd say.

Too gorgeous. Come on Wolfie Harris. Let's enjoy the silence. Enjoy the serenity. I don't have to speak. Not that important is it? Just enjoy the sun on your back. Enjoy the sound of a dog weeing or is she pooing?

It's far enough off the track to not be a concern to me. There's a poo. It's like poo perhaps there. Wolf is that a poo? It's just good to know. Nice poo from Wolf's good work. Got right off the field. I'm going to put a bit of stoneage on top of it.

I'm going to completely shield it from the eyes of humans. Well good girl wolf. We'll always remember that poo because it's been marked now by a grave. It's a dead poo. I don't know if you can hear how dry the ground is beneath my feet. I'm wearing swimming trunks, no pants. Just to teach it a bit of a gut developing as a result of lockdown. Not doing my running, not doing my going to the gym.

Eating a little bit too much. Putting myself in more danger of catching the coronavirus and dying. If that happens to me please carry on stone clearing in memory of me. Hopefully it won't. I'm hoping 11, 30 years of stone clearing. And a couple of stones off the field. One of them exploded as it hit a mini-can. But that's obviously what it wanted.

That's how it wanted to go. Oh well I hope you're enjoying me being back in your ears. I certainly am. It's a more relaxed pace for simpler people. You're simpler folk. I don't mean that in an offensive way. Not solely in an offensive way but for you. Things like Twitch and mobile phones.

They're a bit advanced don't they? Just listening to someone on an old wax cylinder that you've recorded. And have delivered to your house by the wax cylinder man. That's the way to enjoy speech. Blimey I feel like I'm on marijuana or something. I feel like I've eaten a whole bag of marijuana. I think some nice stones there. It's probably not as hot as a little bit out into the field.

Oh well done it. Coming up to the singing ringing tree. I'm not going to bother you guys without that. That's a Twitch thing. I know you guys aren't. Fetkes Fools. I believe in goblins and fairy folk dancing. It's not like the daytime twitches.

Ooh la la. Come on Wolfie. You're my good girl aren't you? It's good to have Wolfie back. She may not have been here last time we walked around the field. She's calmed down a lot despite that spat at the beginning. That wasn't her fault. The other dogs were going for like crazy crazy little dogs.

Wolfie behaved with a thumb decorum. I'm theorizing this little point we're passing now. When we are going in reverse is where a Roman villa may have once stood. I'm finding a lot of bits of brick. I'm finding a lot of metal. I haven't found any Roman sandals. Here's a little bit of Roman brick. No one has yet confirmed this for me.

It looks like an old brick. It's the only times to me. It'd be nice to get all of that off the field if I can. Insects nipping at my bear calves. This is what life's about. Keep your London rat race. Man I've been up in my office writing all day. I could have just been walking the hills.

Watching the kestrels. Listening to the birds. Don't listen to the birds. Listen to the stones. My friend. You don't need me to talk to you. Just enjoy this. I mean I know it's all the only.

You can't feel the warmth. We'll see what I'm looking at. But you can't be the bloke practicing over this ruin, isn't it? So we've come around the wrong way. I might just cut across the field back to the main can. Just so it ends in the right direction. It's about to fly on the ground. It's seen me.

It's fluttering in front of me. I should play some stones actually. I've been enchanted by nature. Literally not a soul around to spoil my fun. Not even worried that they'll appear. Confident around the fields themselves. Sometimes nature lets you know you're safe. I will feel you being a good girl.

She's right. I'll heal everything. I'm just going to put one stone. It's warm again. Beautifully warm. You could cook an egg on this very slowly. But it would get there eventually, I think. That butterfly's back.

Flirting with me. Butterfly's whole. It wants it. And to be frank, the way I'm feeling it might get it. I don't care about any of the morals of society out here. Some people have said a man cannot love a butterfly. I don't love it. I just want to fuck it.

But Carl Lane said love is like a butterfly, isn't it? If you fucking a butterfly. Up there, here we go, wolves. Not much here in the way of stones. Let's bowl a couple down the bowling alley for future use. I might even get this to the edge. It's not that far away. Bounce, but it's off.

Yeah, I did it. I can't throw this one because Wolfie's in the way. But here she comes back again. Ready, wolves? Oh, that was a brilliant throw. Oh, that's bounced right off the field. Fantastic. One more.

Ready, wolves? That one's not going to make it. It's crashed into the field with a puff of dust. But closer to its goal than it was. That's all any of us can hope to be that stone. It started the day a third of the way into the field, then today just two or three yards away from the edge. Gunshot in the distance.

So if you heard that, don't worry, we're in the countryside. That means the animal's being slaughtered for sport. That's predicted. No, nobody around. No conversations. This is how we like it. Just as relaxed as your hat. That looks like a piece of man made something.

Let's see if I can get it up. It looks like an alien artifact. It's a stone. It's just quite a square one. Oblong. Wolfie likes it. Are you spitting on me again? What's going on?

You're dribbly. You're loony. You're a loony dog. Isn't it too hot out here for you? Look at that. That's a chunk of brick there, isn't it? Look at that. A very heavy little stone.

It might be radioactive. Not as warm as the other days. So it probably isn't. Maybe all the rest are radioactive. If you're trying to get to sleep, I hope this is helping. I'm laughing. I'm pretty much ready to go to sleep.

And I've just picked up another lovely medium to medium large. That one, that's a nice chunk. Just on this little part of the field, there's a lot of stones ready to go. A lot of nice ones. I've just bought another one. I'm just nearly everywhere you look. There's a medium medium ready to go.

That's another one. I've got five nice sized stones in my arm now. I think I might be all I can manage to carry. I feel like I should have one more to risk. That's just the medium small. But this is a nice amount. This was all I took off the field today. I think we could feel like we've done a job well done.

I'm going to take in more than this. These are going to go on the central canal, the main hut on the central canal, the main canal. But very much as the wall leading down the hill. So although they're connected by stone to the main canal, we're talking now a distance of 10 to 15 feet away from the canal. Again, some quite poor grass cutting has disturbed this wall a bit. We will forgive.

That's how the idiots did that without realising what to historical artefact. It was in the process of destroying. We need to move this wall back a little anyway. So the fire defence, which that has done quite nicely. Ah, lovely. And here we are heading down the hill where we started. We were chased by dogs, but since then it's been just a peaceful pastoral iddo, isn't it? If you're thinking of moving to the country, do it,

because it's shit in the winter, it's cold as fuck. But you get a day or two like this in the middle of the year, I think fuck, it was worth it. There's a gunshot down if you had that. Hopefully it's not an amniac on the loose. That would really spoil my pastoral iddo, but it would make a great end to the chapter. How to avoid being sorted when you're stankering. Of course, I have practiced that a thousand times.

It would expect me to stone-starzy rather than lose it for a while. But I should be okay, therefore. The butterfly's gone. It fluttered its way and buttery way into my life. Then off it went again. Another gunshot getting closer. Ah. Just gather a few little bits of ammo for the shrapnel,

for the ditch that's not... Brexex now have a ditch that's going to make Dom that Cummins resign. But only if enough stones go into it. This has not been cut back. It's very hard to see where the stones are. It's full of nails. I've heard the reassuring click of a stone against a stone there. And arriving now for an omega-can, hopefully,

a few extra stones on the way out will make up for them not doing a stone on the way in. I'm going to put a twig on there now. I've picked up a twig. Let's bring that. I've got four little tiny little small, small, small, smalls here. Well, probably small, small, medium. But that should satisfy the alphanom of the gun. So obviously there's a lot of emails to get through.

I'm not possibly going to be able to get them all many than furious with me for having my head turned. But yeah, the lure of television contracts. Wolfie Leed. Probably nicknamed Wolfie. That's the same name as you, Wolfie Leed. Been in touch to say, Rich, why are you not doing the audio chapters anymore? What's wrong with you? Have you forgotten where you started?

Have you become too big for your boots? I've never forgotten where I started. I'll always remember where I started. I think it's here in the field. I know I'll never leave it. If someone came and said we've got a bigger field, could more stones be the clear edge? The stones are made of gold.

I wouldn't go. Don't be fooled by the rocks I've got. I'm still Richie from the block. It's just a short term thing. I'm trying to raise the morale of the country. And, oh, I'm a kitchen planner. You know, there's 200 very sad cases out there. Not like you.

There's thousands of you. And, you know, you can take it apart from Wolfie Leed. Watch out, Wolfie. I'm talking to the dog there, Wolfie, by the way, not you. You know, you're cool. You can wait for a little bit. I'll have a couple of months where we don't get a stone for a chapter. I mean, they're all the same anyway.

Why don't we just listen to one of the old ones? Pretend it's a new one. That's what a lot of you are doing, the cool ones. Wolfie Leed, a bit tragic. No offense, mate, but that's just the way I see it. It's quite as usual. Next to the lockdown, a couple of cyclists got impassed. A lady in a mustard-colored summer dress approaching in the distance,

but not close enough to get in my way. Easy. They don't even have to look across the road now when you cross the road. All right, Wolfie, come on. And we're home again. Sorry to get to more of your emails. Let's have a look. Simon Batry.

He's also saying, why are you not doing the audio chat? He's saying, I've done a couple and they've gone wrong. And now I'm doing one now, unless this one's gone wrong. In which case, you know, you're not going to hear this one either. What can I do about that? Nothing. I'm going to have to come and eat for dinner. Oh, she's interested now. I'm interested.

Have some water down here with thirsty. Hopefully we'll be back to do it. It's very difficult. I'm doing five or six of these a week. So, you know, bear with me. To be honest, it's not very many people who've complained. Most people seem quite relieved. Nobody's complained about the snooker.

They're not having any podcasts. So there you go. Do support us if you can. We've got lots of exciting, well, I suppose coming up on the Twitch stream, twitch.tv. That's R.K. Herring. We might be doing two next week.

We're going to have one with quite an exciting American comedian actor. I wish it was Adam Sandler. Not this time, maybe next time. Do remember to keep on studying. Enjoy your studying. And just enjoy the sunshine as well. Be like me.

Be out there enjoying the sunshine. Take care. See you on the next trip. My fan plans. I'm full of marijuana. You know, not literally, but essentially, I love you all. Goodbye.

Stone claim with Richard Herring. Start meet Richard Herring. And we'll feed the dog. Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs. They were vicious. Stone claim with Richard Herring. Start meet Richard Herring. And we'll feed the dog.

Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs. They were vicious. The music is by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of the phytones is Michael Faheen. Stone claim with Richard Herring. Start meet Richard Herring. And we'll feed the dog. Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs.

They were vicious. The music is by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of the phytones is Michael Faheen. Stone claim with Richard Herring. Start meet Richard Herring. And we'll feed the dog. Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs. They were vicious.

The music is by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of the phytones is Michael Faheen. And we'll feed the dog. Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs. They were vicious. The music is by Mike Coffgrave. And we'll feed the dog. Plus that lady with a couple of nasty dogs.

My friend. My fine friend.