Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 66

Episode Date: June 25, 2020

Stone Clearing Chapter Fixty Fix - Witch'f Finger or Witch'f Dick? It's 8am on 25th June 2020 and a contrite Richard Herring is back on the fun-baked Ftocean, in audio only, as it should be. He's looking for the petrified digits of magical hags to send out to his loyal army of fupporterf. A reminder of the importance of hydrating in summer months and making sure your dog does not die and blow your cover. Plus an emailer lets Richard have it for his awful felling out. Plus some trowel tips. Back where it belongs. No visuals.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring You're blinking lunatic! Whoopee! Ah! Good morrow! How are we doing? Welcome to chapter 60 fix of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring The only reason I've been doing this whole thing is to be able to say 50 fix But now I want to be able to say 100 and 60 fix So we're going to have to keep going I'd like to issue a public apology to you before we start Stone Clearing

I'm just on the way up to this ocean right now Oh, it's the what? 20? 24th of June I think? It's about 8pm It's a Thursday, every day is a Thursday since lockdown I've noticed Thursday comes around much too quickly Look, I don't know how to start, I owe you guys an apology I've been bad, I haven't been doing the audio chapters which are the most important thing I've even been saying bad things about you to admit on other platforms

And that's not fair, you are the original flag hag You are the best of people I guess I just became bedazzled by the fame I forgot about what this is really all about Just putting a stone on the Alfred and Amager Can As you must do when you stop bliming the weeds are tall today And the crops are growing It's a beautiful day out here on the Station Hotel over here

Oh, just found a nice stone in the path, sorry I should be doing my apology Look, I became bedazzled by the fame By the sometimes 200 people watching me sun-clearing in the morning It went to my head, I became a monster I thought of myself rather than the stones I thought I was something But I realised the stones, they were patient with me, they didn't say anything They just sat there waiting for me to make my own conclusions

They said, they didn't say it but they did and they sort of implied it By their silence, rich, come on This is like a Jim Carrey film and you must remember what is important I'm not saying I'll never do videos of my sun-clearing again So obviously it's much better in all the other things than to complain to anyone But what I am saying is we'll be done a bit there That's fine, that's not the thing Good girl

What I am saying is that I'll never lose track of what's important again It's the stones Not my family, it's not my children, it's not you You're not important But you're important to me but you're not important in the grand scheme of things You're just a walking Skellington All crumpled to dust Your time here on Earth is so tiny compared to the tiny stones that will be here

It's almost, it's almost less than nothing But I will not forget Again, I'm just doing a little house off because I spoke a couple of my stones a little further out Oh, I don't have any... I don't have any because it's hot, I'm just in my shorts and a t-shirt and some shoes But I don't have my North Face jacket with me So I don't have my trowel with me so I just have to pull quite a tricky stone up with the limited fingernails I have Just bottom of the stone

And still some way to go there was a point when I was doing the films Another bullet So I don't know if you can hear that Sorry, I don't know if that came across, I just accidentally pressed my car key, find a butter and it started singing I forgot what I was going to say now, I don't think it came across probably Oh, there's a butterfly, it's nice, another butterfly Fluttering like a painted whore It's too early in the morning for me butterfly, come back later

Sorry, I can't remember what I was saying, but it's good to be back Oh yeah, I'm looking out for which is finger and which is sticks Oh, there's one, there's a really good one Which I'm going to put together in a sort of membership pack for people who have stayed loyal to the stone clone despite my vanity And I'll be including in that which is finger or which is stick Which is not a thing I've talked about much on the chapters here But these are stones, there's another one That are petrified remains of witches, they don't count stones because they were once organic material

The great battle between the stone people and the witches that the stone people actually won The witches were petrified and shaft pieces on the field You can still occasionally find finger-like stones that may be witches' fingers But there's one and eleven chance that they are actually a witches' dick It's a talking point for you and your friends, I'm going to box them up, package them nicely You won't be cursed because they're not actually stones But if you buy into the Kickstarter, which will be coming up at some point You can have that in a box, show it to your friends and then discuss through the evening

Where you think it's a witches' finger or a witches' dick Probably a finger, just statistically, but every witcher has one dick but has ten fingers Maybe eight fingers if you're not including the thumbs But sometimes a thumb can look more like a dick than a finger, can it? I mean, I'm not talking from personal experience My thumb does not look like a dick and my dick does not look like a thumb And anyone who says both those things are true is lying So it's going to be a shortest walk today, it's Thursday, so unfortunately it took me to take my cover

I have to take my kids to school I want my daughter, she's back at school on Wednesday Thursdays and Fridays Going alright so far, no one's died so far The last week was to come home again because one of the kids had a temperature So they're taking quite seriously This second wave is going to be a disaster So let's enjoy this brief respite before we're locked away for six months over the winter It's a corner growing here amongst what we think might be sugar beet

Or maybe Swedes of some kind growing in the field It's got to height now that I can even walk over it and do the Hasselhoffs Without fear of damaging the plants Remember it's important to keep those plants growing, they will keep the humans alive And the humans will be the slaves unto the stones Before it is written, and so it must be shall Clearing a few nice stones here, couple just in the path, loose They've eased their way here somehow on their own

My shorts slightly falling down, maybe it's the weight of Wichards fingers and Wichards nicks In my pocket It would be nice to own a bit of history from the field for you guys Without fear of curses, everyone who did get the cursed stones from the last Kickstarter Has not all died, but they've all been a victim At least the loss of an eye or limb Mostly if they have died I can guarantee that the chance has been cursed by getting a Wichards finger or Wichards dick

Unless it's accidentally just a stone that looks like Wichards finger or Wichards dick Which is a slight risk Wobby, come here, Wobby, Wobby Two stone stars, Wobby, come here Two stone stars, he crossed in the field, they've met up the chain They're about where I want to go unfortunately Wichards finger The plane doesn't have Wichards

That could be a bent Wichards finger Morning, how are you doing? Yeah, I know she does She just mainly wants to play, she's sometimes getting a little bit feisty now I think it's locked down, let's do them all I think it has, I think it has Cheers there Out with his friendly stone starsy member

Typical stone starsy pastel coloured Middle-aged woman older than me, so quite an old middle-aged woman Pretending she cares about the dogs Talking to her dogs As if they could understand that, idiotic isn't it? You know it's idiotic, you can understand because you're a special dog The others don't So just bowling a few

Well there's a One of the plants has come out onto the field, they have bowling a few But that one went, that was a good throw Underarm throw off the field from some distance Couples of one went off, one went nearer We've got a dog shift out today Which is disappointing I'll just hold this one down there

The alley was, you can't chase it because you're on the lead Because there's another doggy way ahead of you So yeah, it can't be out for too long today, it's a shame it's fixed, fixed And that's a big moment for me, I would like to have done a fixed, fixed minute podcast This is a good bowler Ah, it's gone slightly off the path The problem now is they go off the path You're not going to see them again

Because of the crops And then the plough she will come And bury them again and that's their last chance of freedom Gone in the midst of this beat based The crop there is a lovely poppy plant growing there Some kind Right, we're coming up to the centre, halfway across from the Between the two cans

And I'll start looking at now, there are some choice stones here We may find the biggest stone we've ever found Which will be a little reward for you for being so patient through these months with so few audio podcasts I know you don't want to watch this live stream, I know that's against everything you believe And you're right, you're right to believe that And it's good to stay strong, I wish I'd stayed as strong as I believe As you guys did, you can only do stone ploughing in the audio I'm going to take a mini hassle off because I'm not seeing anything from the half

And I know there's a lot of beauties out here I mean that's not too much is it boss, that one That's not the big stone we were looking for There's another one, that's slightly barely even scraping into medium size They all count but I'm glory hunting for you And I know that's wrong as well, I know that you will Disapprove me looking for the biggest possible stone So when you are building a wall that wants to be visible from space

It's sort of important to put the big stones near the bottom That's what I'm trying to do A couple of, I've got too many to carry now really You can probably hear them falling on the floor I've got to walk these sort of under my mouth I've got the little one I've got hands full of stones, I've got one, two, three, four, six Stones, that's a stone clear as dozen plus one

And these will nicely go To form the wall down the hill, I hope Only two witches or fingers or witches, they are rare The witches, fingers and witches, the dicks are rare in the fingers But one of them could be yours, well that looks like one I said not very, I know one, I'm trying to pick up the semi-fingers They've got at least three quarter fingers The stones that I see just around the corner

I wasn't going to do the stone pole today anyway But she's got access to it in any case And these stones nicely forming the bottom part So we'll head down towards the dominant coming's ditch Which may rest in peace, the ditch that's got some coming sacks The ditch that's got Brexit And a powerful political force for good in this land And the sun beating down, do be careful

Especially if you're taking a dog with you On days like this, please do not take your dog out in the midday sun Keep your stone clearing, with the dog at least to Morning and evening, it's even a little bit warm now I have to say Make sure you've got a lot of fluids on board This isn't like a winter stone clear You can't just suck moisture off of ice stones if you're thirsty Do take care of yourself out there

It's more important that you live to clear stones another day Than you kill yourself clearing stones today Clear as many as you can obviously Self-care, self-preservation Just picking up, I'm going to do a little tiny stone clear as dozen Five stones, small, smaller than it was But they're all very timid, little, these ones The little ones have to come off, these are small, small, small

Not extra small, small, small, or extra small, extra small So the really little ones And these are, I mean, these are some of the size of a pebble on a beach With an additional size And into the ditch, there goes, that will lead to the sacking of Donut Cummings I've got another stone clear as dozen of tiny stones To put on the Afronomica can as an offering

That my work shall not be undone The Afronomica can, God, looks over the field And protects the field from marauders Those people who are coming, trying just to take the stones They're foolish, but of course they'll be kept Except in the case of which, it's really as much as they could And on they go The can looking pretty good

A lot of small stones on there, but that is how it must be So a few emails are in coming and I haven't been able to deal with Over the time Most of them just critical of my Selling out to TV Stardom This one's typical from Pollan Duspin Pollan Duspin's regular email

The first time I think I've read one of her emails I'm assuming, forgive me if I've got that wrong Pollan said, oh, hi Rich Or are you too big and famous on your TV Twitch.tv.shrkherringfeed To talk to us now Just want to say, I think you turned into a dick To love you

But now you're just, it's all about you Not about the stones And that is, you're worse than Brian Bramble Goes on quite a few pages Can you give me advice on the best Kind of trial to use Good, what is it? Good is the question The world can't do it

Drop it Good there was a question there in the end That's a bit, there's literally pages and pages You're a fucking cunt Just seeing that there as well And then asking the question again I'm going to answer it because I agree with many of your criticisms I just think any archaeological

Trowel is the best, they're sort of built for For heavy duty stuff And archaeological people would not like The fact that you're using their trowels For this purpose There will be a trowel in the membership package On Kickstarter A branded trowel

So that people know that you Are a follower of this wonderful cast So that's my answer to that Polling poll and dusting That's dust hyphen bin I hope my family will stay In the kitchen table So I'm going to have to wrap up here

No more time for emails Do keep them coming in Herring97.gmail.com I will see you and on my fan friends And I hope There's only 20 minutes Sorry about that I hope we'll see you again very soon

Hello How are you? Hello Ernie Don't eat that pen lid Ernie Are we doing alright? To the stone Liffon To the stone

And they in turn Are Liffon To ye My friend My fine friend You have been listening to Stone Clearing with Richard Herring With me Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog

Plus that lady who wanted the dogs to play yesterday And explained herself quite well about that The music is ranged by Mike Coffgrave The voice of the photons is Michael Faheen Liffon To the stone My friend

And they foul thing Ye a merry dog Don't Liffon To the bird fan tree Don't Liffon To your underhand Liffon To the stone

Liffon To the stone And they in turn Foul Liffon To ye My friend My fine friend Liffon