Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 68

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

Chapter 68 - Prickled by a Prickler. It's approximately 8.06am on 14th July and a 53 year-old Richard Herring is wading through the rain and dew soaked crops to give you a podcast with less chat and more stone clearing. Should have got some Richard Herring Prickle Guards from Amazon. He's got a pocket full of valuable witches' dicks and he's wearing his gloves and he's back where he belongs in audio, appearing on a podcast with stones that can talk for themselves. It's quiet out there. Maybe too quiet. And who is putting branches on the cairns?

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do za dxAllahDuhail.com.net well my fans friends come and wolfie good girl welcome to chapter sixty-eight for a tone clearing with richard hero and wolfie the dog and another of my successful double-x. Sorry we weren't trying last week, Wolfie was on holiday. Wolfie, hold up! And she gets to go on holiday, we don't. Just the way they will, come on sweetheart. She was with the indoors. And there's a little bit of stone clearing going on, but it's not the same with that Wolfie. So yes, it's, what is it, July the 14th? It's around about 8.06 a.m., around about that time. And we're

just heading up to the Stocean now. See what changes have been brought since the two weeks we're here. It's a green Stocean now, it's no longer brown, green with the swaying plants, the occasional splashes of red where poppies have grown to mark the graves of fallen stone clearers. And we're on our own, no one's out here. Come here Wolfie, it's damp out here. I don't fancy doing much hassle-hopping today. Oh yeah, I'm already wet. I should come back my wellies. There's offering for the alphanoma you can. Which is finger, which is dick, come straight out. That's good news for me. Those will soon be available in the Kickstarter campaign. Quite a cost I have to say, but they are handpicked by me. I don't

want to handpick 10,000 of them. And they're available in a lovely little game. You can play with all the family, past a while away in the evenings. If you manage to go, which is dick, if you work out, that's what you've got. That is 10 times more than the which is finger, which are literally 10 of any. Why did that stop? I hope we didn't lose too much there. The recording stopped on its own volition by the God of the Warning. Maybe I've not charged my bare pods, I think. Oh, no, nice. I suppose there looked like nothing. A lot of stone came up there. A good lot of stone came up, my friends. Come on, what's the need to do then? Well, I'm not into the field. We don't know what she's done. I'm wearing my stone-clad gloves today,

partly because I've got a few hand injuries. Did some gardening, got quite badly stung by nettles. Also cut myself opening a birthday present because, yes, I'm 53 years old, but stoneclads do not really mark their birthdays without Jehovah's Witnesses in that way. The only days that matter are the days of the stone saint. Maybe one day, 12th of July, will be one of those. Oh, I found a witch's finger. Oh, no, it's a iceberg. That's a witch's finger or a witch's dick. They are rare, as you can see. A lot of man hours collecting those witches and fingers and witches' dicks. Here, as you'll know, there we go. Human birthdays are not important in the eons of time. A stone's birthday would be important if we could find out when the stones

were born, but they were born before time began. There goes. Good wolfie and fun chasing there. Chasing the stones. If you're looking for some light entertainment, I do have a new podcast out, which I'd love you to listen to. It's called Ali and Herring's Twitcher Fun, which I've teamed up with a 128-year-old ventriloquist doll to review today's newspapers. It's the format as old as time, but hopefully we've got a fresh spin on it. There's a lot of... just like there's all the stone clearing podcasts out there around the world that are inferior to this one. There are... Well, that's not quite a witch's finger, which is dick. I can't cheat you. There are many, many people trying to review the papers with ventriloquist dolls made by their great-great-grandfathers,

but I think we bring something new to that format. It's very enjoyable. You can watch it on YouTube if you'd like to see your ventriloquism happening in front of your eyes, or if you're normal and prefer the audio, which I think you will do, because you're the kind of people you prefer audio stone clearing correctly. You can just listen on iTunes. Please subscribe, as it would be nice to see that podcast racing up the charts. As I recorded, well, the last time I checked, we'd reached the heady heights of number 185 in the Apple Podcast charts. It doesn't get much better than that, but it does get a little bit better than that, so let's try and make it a little bit better than that if we can. If you could all go and subscribe, maybe leave a review.

Of course, do-leave reviews for stone clearing as well, if you're enjoying it. Or if you're not, you know, I don't want to cheat people. Oh, there are weeds down here soaking wet by gloves becoming wet. It's been a while since I've donned the old stone clearing gloves. These were the best ones I found in terms of avoiding nicks. I wish I'd had one for my daily stone clears. I did cut myself quite badly a few weeks ago. Let's just one of the chances you take, one of the risks you take out here on the station. So many, many stone clears have just bled out in the field or have died of blood infections. It's just something you expect. You do your best to avoid it, but it's not entirely avoidable. The undergrowth is very thick. It's very hard to see where I've

thrown stones to the side before now. It works in your favour though, because of course you can serve dishes with built cans that will only become visible if someone comes and cuts back a foliage. And eventually your wall will appear above the nettles and brackens, brambles, other things. I'm just chucking a couple of stones into the roots of the trees that lie in the field on this edge, hoping one day to topple those with the force of stones. I'm hoping that down the line, hopefully after I'm dead, one of my balls will collapse and kill a child. Terrible accident. That will be our victory for the stones, one less human, unless of course it's a stone clearing child or a child who would have gone on to become a stone player, which I guess that is a definite

loss. Just arriving at the can opposite the main can if you're trying to get your geography sorted in your head. There aren't any stones around here really. A few loose ones here, I'll kick them using the kick technique to get those on to the can. Oops, that's out of my reading glasses, I've just fallen on the floor. Damp. Stick them in a pocket. A stone just caught in me there, I nearly passed it by but it called, hello, I'm here, I know I can hear you. This isn't Red Trilicus and this is, I don't know, you'll be suspicious now, you've found out how good I am as a Red Trilicus. This is really the stones talking, if you can hear them I know I can hear them. Hello Richard, can you hear me? Yes I can. Can you get me off the field please? Yes,

that's my job. I was always intending to do it, why did you walk past me? I just thought I'd leave you for another day and then I had second thoughts and yeah, it's your time, it's your time. So here we go, you ready? Whee! She's off. I don't know, there's definitely a female one. On we push, hopefully staying to heal very nicely, still behaving a little oddly I have to say, last night we were out here and she started barking at someone in the garden, didn't leave it, perhaps she could recognise him as some kind of sex pest or criminal or perhaps she just thinks the whole world belongs to her now, she's changed in lockdown, we all have, we all have. No stones cleared in this last little patch, hardest bottom with all these beets or Swedes or they're getting

to quite a big size as a massive one, whatever these things are. There's a stone, oh and there's another one, two pretty small ones, but they're off. They all count the big bit of fair horse poo here, been laid as a booby trap to try and stop me and picking out a couple of stones from around the poop. Another victory for stone clearers, this is some good bits of Roman villa in here. Just trying to keep one in there, the past two or three. I've not had it confirmed by an archaeologist yet that that is Roman villa, but I think it has to be the degradation of the brick work, scattered nature, it's only one possible explanation. Singing ring and tree, not something I'd usually bother you kids with, they're not gullible like the Twitch viewers, but I'll stick a

couple in just in case because you never know if they could be the day, I've got a ten on it. The plane's returning to the skies, someone easy jetting home, the indignity of Luton Airport awaits them. One of the reviews of Stone Clearing says too much talking, not enough stone clearing I do listen to my critics, don't you think that if you leave a review that's just ignored? I will do more stone clearing and less talking, as I know that's what the public would like. Talking of witches, some stones been cleared, I found a nice little pocket of stones here just a few meters from the path, and I've cleared three of them, couldn't get up to all of them not today, into the brambles they go. I'm trying to get fit this week, last week or so, I'm not giving out

for a run this week, and already feeling, even though I felt I was getting a little bit, a little bit fitter, already feeling the tiredness creeping over me from just, I could be short water in the field, I didn't get too much sleep last night. Staying up a little bit late after the snooker, which only available on Twitch at the moment. Incredible, exciting, elite snooker format at the moment, if you're into the snooker, I'm assuming there will be a snooker kickstarter as well, with panini stickers, star stickers, to collect, have all your favorite mes. That will not bother you, you'll be on the stone clearing membership card, there's a trowel if you spend enough money, there's actual factual stones from the field, non-curse ones because they're witches fingers

and witches sticks. Coming soon to scout badges, they're a bit more expensive than we thought, so I'm going to do quite as many as I thought we'd do, five scout badges to collect. If you enjoy these transmissions and would like to help us make more stuff, then please support us if you can. So the witches finger in the pocket, one more polis as well as it, yeah that's a brilliant witches finger. Or dick, can't be sure, looks so like a finger but then you look again, oh could it be a dick, could be a finger like dick. That is the eternal question that has transfixed stone clearers, percentage now, even before there were fingers and dicks, stone clearers were asking that question, that's how far back it goes.

Not a single stone stasi out today may be put off by the inclement conditions, the dampness, of course many stone stasi will be melted as they come into contact with water and will leave their fingers and dicks behind to be discovered, petrified, gives me a chance to tear a few stones from this corner onto the border wall. This is of course where I cut myself, very stony part of the field. That always feels good to get a few of these fingers off, well we be careful because usually this is well patrolled.

Always a danger someone could appear around the corner, but not today it seems, don't know what's going on, but I'll take my opportunity. And yeah if you like stone clearing and not talking this is a great bit for you, it's mainly me stone clearing, just should explain what it is so you know that it's happening. I've got probably 10 to 15 stones off there right there and yet you looked at this ground you would think as any stone's been cleared which is near enough to the shore that pretty much every throw successfully off the field. Here's another three coming for you,

and I'd better not chance my arm any further let's keep going, maybe just one more. I've seen a nice boomerang shaped stone let's see if it comes back it did not come back in fact it just bounced nicely off the path, to a safety hits three, well yeah good game, been a very good girl Wolves, walking to heel, passing so many stones they're all crying out to me as if with one voice, help us Richard help us, I will I will, if only one man I'll do everything I can. And despite Wolfie being away for a few days she did not shit on the kitchen floor today which is a major result for the herring family, I'm actually very happy about that,

oh nice which is finger which is dick, very nice one there's been a few good ones today that's to be said, they could be yours, coming soon. I'm going to start picking up a few stones for the which is finger which is dick, I don't think so, I don't think so, don't want to become just obsessed with the which is finger the which is dicks but they are an interesting phenomenon out here, it's hard not to be obsessed with the which is dick, I've got a stone clear as a dozen to put on the central end of the massive

none of them tiny, just the average joe stone, not Josh stone, size is not important, where you go, whoops what have you seen, what one does have you see it, I've seen it, what's happened to my central can here, someone seems to put a branch on it, it happens quite a lot, the path seems to have moved slightly here, I mean branches are no impediment to stones in paper scissor stone stick, it's always the stone that wins, I know paper can beat a stone and that is a sort of a stick,

not really, come on not really guys, yeah so the paths diverging here, everything's changed a little bit since over the last year, maybe it's been a little while since I've been this far out, the fields always changing, the paths always changing, you need to always stay alert to the possibilities of change, and the kind of stone here, oh it's a nice one, I think it's too far to throw, I'm going to take it down, oh in the distance I see a stone starzy heading entirely the wrong direction, there's flummox today for some reason, if you might get around the whole field without having to go on the leaves that would be an

incredible achievement in itself, coming up to the stone pole, not too far away bit of Roman villas found its way all the way over here, what's that, that's a very petite gecko finger, I'm doing well with these today, the rain has brought them to the surface, let's pick up a couple more stones just to add to the cairn that never grows, looking pretty big now actually, I've never grown cairn, I don't have my trowel with me, I hope you're enjoying the not talking, not doing that much stone clearing either though to be fair,

so we arrived at the Dominic Cummings memorial cairn, may he rest in peace, just managed to pick up a, oh actually now I've got a stone cairn, he's doesn't really had four before, five in the bag now, one there go, his cat is still there, it's fallen from the pole, it will soon be covered by stones, and across we go, let's try and find some ammo for the stone pole, let's keep our eyes open, it's been very quiet today, couple more stones, right here we go, let's see how we can get on,

of course Wolfie back here could ruin everything, sometimes does, oh miss, solid hit, solid hit two right at the top, oh just misses, this is the important one, three out of five, that will do, good luck, we'll come to thee my friends, thank you for listening, that is your award, could have been bad luck, which I would have apologized for, oh my lord, so is it different being 53 and stone cairn, slightly, just every day the joints creak a little more, the legs stiffen a little more, the prospect of this early morning rise to get out on the field, it's slightly less pleasant, they're damp, I mean they're wearing leggings, you know like running to cloth and jogging joggers, and you can tell my age because

they are wet, luckily though they are wet at the bottom, not at the midriff, but it would be easy for someone to assume who didn't know I'd been walking amongst dew filled plants, that I'd pissed myself vociferously, that may be the photo for your podcast today, so I might go out for a run after this, I've got a few bits of work to do, remember you can still catch a live, Rahalistabahs on twitch.tv slash rkherry, you can watch that alley and herrings, twitch a fun live on Thursday nights, Wednesday nights for Rahalistabah, Monday and Tuesday for snooker, then the occasional surprise, live streamed, stone clear, generally

unannounced, just to keep everyone on their toes, let's have a look, well I think we're going to get around this whole field unimpaired, and the sun is now, I'm boiling hot in my North Face jacket, North Face, the acceptable face of fascism, couldn't boil my own like that, that adverts so much, still not going in touch for you in North Face, that's sponsoring the podcast, if you do want to sponsor stone clear, do let me know, I think that's one of the rewards on Rick Kickstarter, is to sponsor a whole podcast, your name could be branding this thing, or if you, I don't know if you're ENSO, your oil company could sponsor it for £250, something like that, it's very cheap, you're reaching out to

maybe four or five hundred people, come on Muls, what are you doing? Very difficult stone clearing conditions here, I have to say, he has stones in the path, very embedded, there's a thick wall of weeds, damp weeds, preventing access to the field, really the farmers should have thought of this before, when they're wet it's like a, like a bomb of water, water bomb, that could attack you at any time, it's very difficult to get through, and this is astonishing, I think we're going to do a complete lap without meeting another human being, has that happened before? Perhaps, you all know it is a rare thing to happen, let's just take a little, the weeds are falling away, I'll just grab some ammo for

the Brexit Ditch, I think we need a little stone clears dozen in here, that's almost a witch's finger or a witch's stick there, but I'm not going to cheat you, it's not one, oh I still got wet, all right into the Brexit Ditch, I hope you can hear the sapsine clink, it's getting pretty full down there, and we do need something for the alpha and omega-cane too, but I think there's a little access down here, it's been unpleasant conditions, I'm not going to lie to you, my shoes and bottom are trying to soak through wet socks, the tiniest of witch's fingers there, I'm not going to send that one out, I can go on there, ow, I've got prickles by a prickle, by a prickle, ow, anyone who says this job is easy has not been

prickled by a prickler, I have been prickled by a prickler, it's not nice, so alpha and omega-cane five stones, but barely leading up to one small stone, they're so tiny, but they all count, they all have to come off, and the alpha and omega-cane gods are happy for this, so we're off the field, time for a couple of emails, um, Leith Erickson, he's been in touch before, but it might have been during one of the ones that Got Didn't Work, Leith Erickson, not that one, or that one, he has been in touch to say rich, something I've noticed in my stone clearing, is the problem with weeds, I keep on getting prickled by a prickler, yeah I get that too, well I finally should mention that, it's literally just

happened to me, do you have any advice on how to not get prickled by a prickler, or stung by a netler, I know it's ironic, but I'm worried about prickly leaves, and my name is Leith, but that's probably part of the reason, you know, part of the reason I'm obsessed with it, nomative determinism, whatever that thing is called, this is what he says, he's just rambling in his email, um, I don't, yeah that's fine, um, yeah, uh, you can buy prickle guards for your legs, uh, if you go to Amazon put stone clear, uh, prickle guards, uh, there's a variety of those, I would always go for the most expensive ones, you might think you're saving money, might be going for a cheap one, go across there,

look at this, good, so if no, uh, there we met someone, but on the street that doesn't count, we cross the road, uh, do, do spend the money, get the Richard Herring, their £500, uh, prickle shield, you can get those for shins, lower arms, should be weighing for myself really, they're not really that good, I mean, they're, uh, you know, even some people prefer to, uh, take the chance, with, uh, back through my terrible, terrible gate, brand new gate, wasn't really fit, pole warped, starting to fall apart, we got, we got done, those people put that gate and didn't know I had a stone clearing podcast in which I

could name and shame them, they couldn't remember their name, but they saw me coming, took a long time to put the gate in and it's a load of shit, it's worse than the last one, which is saying something. Right, I think we're done. Come on, we'll start some food. Whoopee! Whoopee, come here. Well, I'll bid you a jeff, thank you to Leith, uh, and many other people who have been nodding this week, didn't get time to get you all. Come on, boss. What are you doing? Come on. Oh, Ernie's coming out. Hello, Ernie. How are you doing? What's happened? Get back inside, it's right out here, darling. Good boy.

Leif and to the stone, my friend, and they've half a year merry dance. Don't listen to the birds and trees, don't listen to your underpants, listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they, in turn, are living to ye, my friend, my pined friend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog, the music is composed and arranged by Michael Coffgrave, the voice of the Fatone's is Michael Faheem. Leif and to the stone, my friend, and they've half a year merry dance. Don't listen to the birds and trees, don't listen to your underpants,

listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they, in turn, are living to ye, my friend, my pined friend.