Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 71

Episode Date: August 12, 2020

Chapter 71 - Hydrate. It's just after 8.30am on 12th August 2020 and Richard is back from his holidays, but it's already boiling hot and he fears he will die of thirst and his bones be discovered by future stone clearers. Will he die and join the heavenly realm of stone clearers? Probably not. He has info about the imminent kickstarter campaign and good advice on how to stone clear in this awful heat. Keep an eye on Richard's Twitter for details of how to get your scout badges and witch's finger or dick @Herring1967 and tune into http://twitch.tv/rkherring for more top class entertainment which for some reason is not considered suitable for mainstream TV.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello my fan friends Welcome to Chapter 71 I'm for Stone Clearing with Richard Herring It's August the 12th I believe it's a little after 8.30am The morning dog walk I've missed you folks, sorry it's been a little while

We've had a Stone Clearing, but had a holiday And there were stones in the little back garden bit But I think it would have been inappropriate Clear than it's just a pebble dashed sort of affair I think if the owner had come back to find all those pebbles While we put in a heap It might have been problematic My son and daughter did pick out some choice ones

And put them on the table It's happening just instinctively Of course I'm not telling them about Stone Clearing I don't know it's only too dangerous for kids But all the blackberries are growing Righting on the bow It's all ow, I've just got stung by some nettles Ow, it's just too busy looking at the blackberries

I'm wearing my swimming trunks today Even at this early hour Ow, God I've really stung my leg It is very warm Ow, there's nettles everywhere out here And I thought we might arrive on the field To discover the Stocean had been cleared But the crops have not yet been cleared

Harvest has not yet occurred It's picking up a couple of tiny, tiny stones for the Phenomenal can And some flowers dying in the field The head is drooping As if they're sad That the stones have not yet been cleared But it will come

It's a beautiful morning It's a stone starzy heading the wrong way up the hill With a dog Wolfie hasn't spotted them they're too far away But otherwise it is clear I just have a sun in my eyes I forgot my sunglasses They're only chopped

Still a little way to go To clear the whole field That I have traversed so many times Still pretty stony I have to say So if that's any indication of the rest of the field There may be another year or two worth of work in this Getting close of course to the two-year point of doing this I didn't make a note of when I had the start date

Wolfie out in the field doing a poop Far enough out there I don't have to worry about it That's what I like to see Using my feet to clear stones at the moment And the exciting news for anyone who wants to be in the Stone Clearers Guild Is that this week we are launching a small Kickstarter To try and raise money to make more podcasts And there's all sorts of great rewards

Membership cards for the Stone Clearers Guild Badges, wonderful scout badges, beautiful things That you can get between one or five of They're very well worth it A 16 page guide to Stone Clearing written by me I'll have all the essential tips None of these things will be available in the shops Or anywhere, even the online shops

They're only available by Kickstarter Of course, Witches Fingeral, Witches Dick Quite expensive I have to say But it should be, it's hand picked by me And hand dicked by me I have to determine if it's a genuine Witches Fingeral, Witches Dick Guaranteed to be from this lotion In a beautiful presentation box

You'll be able to see what will be on the lid It's a game for all the family You can spend out evenings discussing Whether it's a finger or a dick Not too much Stone Clearers And there's a special Stone Clearers Guild badge Metal badge and pin badge And I think we're doing a t-shirt

For one of the highest levels With all the scout badges, Cub Scout badges on it It'll be very nice And if you're prepared to pay a lot of money You can have your name or your business named On one episode of Stone Clearing Which will be very exciting for you I'm sure a beautiful birthday gift

Christmas gift For any fans of Stone Clearing We'll see, we'll see if you want to take part of it But keep an eye on Twitter And my red page You'll be able to see the link We're not going to put it up for long I think it's going to be a two week thing

There will be a snooker one as well That won't bother you But do tell your ball bag friends If you have any and you shouldn't have any So there you are enemies About that If that's your bag So very hard even to see any stones

The ground is pretty hard Don't have my child with me And the crops are very thick now Oh there's a nice stone Well I'll stick that one out The only way when we're running shoes Which don't have too much purchase No that's not coming up

There's a little stone But first there should have a bit more water Do remember to hydrate When you come out in the sun Even at this early time Please do be careful if you're stone clearing this weather Too many stone clears will fall And not at the hands of the stone starsy

But at the hands of the hot hot desert like sun Bring water with you if you can I'm worried that I might not make it home Even though I'm doing a short route Due to thirst and my bones will be discovered In 100 years time with this phone beside me Someone will find this podcast Put it out

And I'll be heralded As the genius that the people in my own time Have not yet acknowledged There's still time for them to acknowledge it Oh you're right, well it's been a good girl walking And very few stones going out today Little nothing bigger than a Half a finger I'd say today so far

But everyone counts in smaller amounts Oh God I'm really thirsty If this is my last will and testament I leave everything to Ali I hope we'll go on to have a successful career without me Do check out Twitch.tv.com I'm doing stuff most nights

Certainly Most weekday nights And The podcast Rehlesper's been recorded And Ali and Herring's Twitch are fun I think you might enjoy on Thursday nights usually We're heading across the field between the two cans now Just tossing from a distance a few stones off

And close enough to comfortably hit the Boundary from now but going further away each time A few loose stones have appeared on the path I don't know where this comes from Oh no that was a bad show It's closer to being off the field But deep into the plants They're wilting a bit in the sunshine themselves

And this is the dangerous bit there's no Just no shade Across the field Hope for the best It's nice to take a break away from the stones But it's good to be back Sometimes you need to remind yourself How lucky you are to be out here amongst them

A bit of tissue paper on the side I don't know what to worry about that will rot I'm just throwing a stone Oh no it's bounced off Throwing it in the other direction Really just from Wolfie the chase But it does get a bit closer to the field Wolfie can't find it

Drink a pint of water before you come out This is unparched It's really hot I'm wearing my swimming shorts So I'm going swimming straight after this Just a t-shirt It's a summer apparel No one would suspect you're being a stone clear weighing stuff like this

There's no way to put your stones There's no one around But for a third week running We're not really being bothered by the stone starsy Just stepped into the Stocean Urgles To pour a few stones to take to the main cane None of them, they're the biggest yet Today's jaunt

But not big by that That was probably the biggest one Not big by the standards that you're used to There are some whoppers out here on this particular part But everything has to come off And remember we're getting to the point where The field will be plowed up again soon This is your last chance to get these guys off the top

Before they are potentially buried Maybe years before they surface again So do try and clear the top The whole top of the field really in every year And then wait for the new crop to come up That's really the best way to go Hay bales in the field across the road in the distance That's all been harvested

But here the lazy farmer laying his beet plants I mean they look horrible I can't blame them Letting them die in the fields Probably is some kind of assurance scam So do check out the Kickstarter You can just donate a small amount If you've enjoyed these podcasts over the years

And if you've enjoyed the live feed It would be lovely if you haven't yet donated anything If you wanted to put a little bit of cash our way Just helps Let's carry on And the money is used In this instance quite a lot will be used to pay for the rewards we've made We wanted to give you something nice

To tell you what we've all been through together But any excess will go to make more entertainment for you It's a win-win situation And generally speaking A lot of these Kickstarter rewards are pretty collectible As we don't sell them outside of them Kickstarter's done People don't know what they're going on

And certainly things like the Rubik's Cube we've done T-shirts often go for four or five times the value That we put on them if they go up on eBay See these things as an investment I know you would never sell your witches finger or witches dick But it'd be nice to know you're sitting on Something that your family could sell in the future once you're deaf If they come upon hard times

Could be worth tens of thousands of pounds Look at the first editions of Harry Potter It's similar for that When everyone's stone clearing Everyone will want a witches finger or witches dick But they won't be available I would imagine there'll be about 50 of them out in the world But we'll see, I hope there's not too many

Because they're quite hard to find I haven't found a single one today Just getting some download for the Brexit Ditch The smallest stone of the day was one of them Getting some of the tiddlers off, I have to say This is the Ditch that's sat down at Cummings That's not Brexit The Ditch that's welcomed migrants to our shores

Acknowledging our own parts Oh there's a tiny witches finger or witches dick there I don't think any of them work The tiniest one I've ever seen I'm going to put it on the up and then we'll get in So I just want to check in We're not doing a long podcast today We're just easing ourselves back into work mode

Just getting a little bit done That's all you're going to have to fret You don't have to worry Every little bit counts If I say I hit too long there's a danger of dehydration and death So I will head down my little back alley It should be caught It's Allie and Herring of another kind

Just have a quick check through your emails Birdie Mcnettle Probably a Scottish Scotch listener Got in touch to say it's very hot this summer It is even in Scotland I just wondered if you have any advice on how to cope with stone-trying in these conditions Well, yeah, the whole podcast is about that birdie here And a few are listening

Take lots of water with you Wear some kind of sunshade affair Like an umbrella on your head or something Nude, be nude is quite a bit But if you are nude, do remember to apply plenty of ungluent to your body Not necessarily sun cream But it can be sun cream if you can afford that And Wolfie, you know, but you still have to clear stones

You can't stay at home going, well, it's a bit hot I think I'll stay in and watch how I make your mother from the beginning Nor should you, by the way, it's terrible So, you know, just take care out there Just be careful of the sun, avoid it if you can Stone-try at night The sun isn't out at night It's so hot, at the moment even the moon rays are pretty warm

But that'll be my advice But if you're a hardy stone girl like me, you can come out in the day So we're home already, it's been very fast Sorry, it's such a quick one We will be back full character next week But I just wanted to check in and say hi There you go, Wolf's good girl Everyone's in the kitchen, so I really have to end it here

Thank you for listening and take care of yourself and each other Don't do anything I wouldn't do, we've got 18 minutes that's weak Alright, bye To the stone Liffon To the stone And they in turn Are Liffon

To ye My friend My fine friend Stone claim with Richard Herring Stard me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog No one but Elson again, what's happening? It's terrible, isn't it? The music's by Mike Hofgrave

The voice of the batons is Mike Hofraheen Liffon To the stone My friend And they falting Ye a merry dance Don't Liffon To the berth

And truth Don't Liffon To your underhand Liffon To the stone Liffon To the stone And they in turn

Fal Liffon To ye My friend My fine friend Liffon