Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 72

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Chapter Seventy-Two - What If Wolfie Thinking? It's just before 8am on 17th August 2020 and Rich is in pensive mood - so much so that he forgets that he is podcasting at one point. It's nearly two years since he started and, despite having cleared thousands of stones, how many more lie beneath the soil? Will he ever finish? His chances are about as good as the current kickstarter campaign hitting its target. But if you have enjoyed these chapters and/or the Twitch stuff, check out your chance to get a stone clearers' guild membership card, proficiency badges and even a witch's finger (or dick) here rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter All profits will go towards making yet more online content.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring You're the most good girl, good girl, who's my good girl? That's such a good girl, I don't know what I know about you It's not so good Alright, come on then Hold up Hold your horses Good girl, come on

Right, well hello, welcome to, what is it, Chapter 72? Maybe it's 73, but I think it's 72 Of the Stone Clearing with Richard Herring It is the 17th of August It's not that long since we last did one of these And it is just approaching eight Ante-Maridian time Before midday

For those of you who do not speak in the Latin Parliament Stone Clearing did it originally, not originally, but the olden days Stone Clearing has spoken that language The very earliest Stone Clearing has, of course, spoken a series of angst I'm a monkey, that's what they would say The very earliest ones, and glug glug glug I am a fish, that's what the very, very earliest ones would say They still managed to move tiny, tiny stones around

So, we're on the field, still no sign of the harvest Must be coming soon Just use my trowel to lift a loose-ish stone from the wet soil And that has gone to me There's now two round, my tricky girl Slim pickings in terms of stones out here, of course Mainly working, reworking the path We have done four, there's almost two years now

The trowel is a useful tool today The ground is It's a very, very good tool The trowel is a useful tool today, the ground is As I say, releasing her jaws And the clamped in stones Of course, it's just a wee, I think All is good with the world

She may be thinking about doing a pee now Who knows what she's thinking That would be an interesting podcast in itself And it's just to hear her thoughts On this crazy wealth And the bench here looks like it's had a little varnish It's a different colour, I can't use any of the rainwater I'm attempting to attach my reading glasses to my shirt

It's not in the way Oh, and that's a huge witch's finger, which is thick I think it's actually too big to fit any of the boxes So I've thrown it aside I wouldn't know through the witch, but it's on the end of that And as I've mentioned it, the kickstarter for I wasn't going to mention it, but the kickstarter for Stone clearing membership of the Stone Clearing Guild

Is up and running It is at Rehospa.co.uk Slash kickstarter, the easiest way to get there Check out some of the rewards I think we may have just set the target a little bit too high I'm hoping you can prove me wrong Because if we don't hit the target

None of these things will be made None of these things will be sent out Because I've already contributed We've done a two-week campaign Rather than usual four weeks And for the first time I can remember The projected target on kicktrack is putting us at 90% Rather than a little over 100%

So we need your help If you've never given Tony the campaign before Or not donated anywhere else And you enjoy these free podcasts And would like to chuck in a fiver, that's great But you can also get to Stone Clearing Guild membership card Individually numbered You can get a 16 page guide to Stone Clearing

Written by myself You can get some beautiful Cub Scout badges These will be of the same material That you, if you're familiar with the Cub Scouts badges Wolfie Sinappu If you're aware of what she's done in the field It's all good You can get a Stone Clearing Guild badge

There's a t-shirt if you pay enough And there's very signed options For all these things You could even get your name read out On one of these podcasts Or the name of your company Or a ridiculously cheap price of £50 Given the thousands

Of people you could potentially be reaching A beautiful Christmas gift For a friend or yourself Up to over £5,000 as I speak But we foolishly set the target at £20,000 I don't think there's enough of you to get us that far I do thank everyone very much for attempting But let's see how we go

The money will be raised The race will go to paint for the stupid rewards That we've put out Which are going to be rare They're not going to be available anywhere else I think they're worth a punt Just as an investment And also to make a new online content

Which won't include this because this As always it's free Free to do Free to listen to I think there are still a few thousand of you Listening to this It's only going to take A couple of hundred of you to

Make the plunge Wolfie where have you gone Wolfie And We will hit that target And the money just goes to making more stuff So And for paying for a bit of stuff that we made

Earlier in the year And last year As the Annihilator is quite expensive in terms of Creative content But most of the time if we don't make it And there is a Snooper one coming up as well Not that you will be interested in that You've made your choice

You've got a flag hand and a ball bag Oh and there's walking through some damp weeds In some short today That's foolishly The dew is coming out onto my shorts Wellies Shorts Big north face coat today

Even though it's August It's been required Even so the dampness has found its way to my knees And I expose knees I know some of you are getting off on this That's okay You have my permission to enjoy this in a sexual sense We attempted the

Trowel flick there did not work That one did Flicking The stone from the right The outside of that Even coming into human contact With all this big stone that looks This is a giant

I'm not going to flick that one The stone Right in the pathway Proper iceberg Like nothing from below From above but below There was A huge bayermoth

Waiting to Find the roots of that tree over there It's off the field That's all that matters Again once again I find myself traversing the field alone They're not what's happened to the dog walkers in my village Aka the photon photography

But they're not around in great numbers at the moment Perhaps lulled into false insecurity by the fact that I'm not Broadcasting every day Perhaps they think I've been shut down Perhaps they wiped someone out Thought that was me And we've gone To find stone clearers elsewhere

Well, that's their bad luck though Stone clearers as long as I am here Doing my stones If I'm alright, that's all that matters Right kids That's how this works Another big stone in the path there Let's save that

For the camera cross from the main camera It's not been Getting huge amounts Of material on it of late Generally quite a sparse part of the field here Even though One has to agree They're still off stones

Right, we're taking the long route round Wolfie We're giving people their money's worth today That naught P that you pay for this podcast And to be Well rewarded Coming up to the same ringing tree in a few minutes That's one of the badges you can get The scout badges, same ringing tree

The Hasselhoff, the Cairn building Stone pole of course And to finish it all off What's the other one? Moorlock spotting Which is a very difficult badge to get I've only seen one moorlock out here For sure

I've only seen one moorlock out here I've only seen one moorlock out here For sure For sure Maybe a second another day Really this kickstart I see is a little Nudge and reward to all the people who Followed me through the months of twitching

Which is still happening occasionally I did one on Friday If you didn't want to see it live They will be unannounced But probably usually Friday morning about 8 o'clock If you want to see a stone clearing action And communicate with other stone clearing fans That's a great opportunity

It was daily It's now more or less weekly As this chapter also is of course So lots of reasons to support the kickstart Lots of great rewards for you That 16 page booklet will be packed with Invaluable advice Some of it you may have heard on popcast

But of course it's easy to refer to a 16 page book If you're out Just wondering how do I clear a stone Oh I'm picking up and throw it That's the kind of thing Is this a witch's finger Which is dick I think that is That's the kind of pleasure

Into the old pocket that could be yours Admittedly quite a high price But they're a rare commodity And you are getting a lot of other things as well Along the way a beautiful box Do check it out Kickstarter Dot com I guess

But if you want to do it easy it's at Rehealestoper.co.uk That's kickstarter It's Stanley's off I suppose that is treasure trove Speaking accurately So here we are singing reed tree I'm going to throw a couple of stones into it

See if it's today's the day Or if he's excited Just by the stones Unfortunately no elves and pixies today A little bit hot in the old north face today North face Even when you're hot it's cool I'm going to undo it a little bit

The glass is still there So it's nice isn't it We're getting to a point where At least temporarily we're allowed Back out into the world Going to try and make the most of the summer holidays With the kids We're getting to a woe bond

Survived part of the day Never been there Didn't know what it's like But I've always wanted monkeys To rip off my windscreen wipers So that should happen A couple of zoo visits coming up Oh another lovely witch finger

Which I think that could be yours That could be literally the one you get That's a beauty Went scooting around the lake Yesterday with the kids at the playground It's good to remember you can get out I mean obviously I've been out The whole time in lockdown

To get moving stones But I think we've forgotten that Going out Having meals, having drinks It's still a possibility I've actually since we got back from holiday Pretty much decided to Lay off the booze a bit again

Lost a little bit of weight Even just from that It's crazy I wasn't drinking huge amounts But a few beers a night Half a bottle of wine Could make a lot of difference Nice though isn't it

Oh nice being drunk And yet can't see a soul out here You can see the whole expanse Of the solution now No one in the corner No one coming up from the wreck No one even in the next field Wolfie

He's alongside me Being a good girl I don't usually be a good girl That's the thing I like about you Apart from when you know You attack those other dogs That's a little bit naughty So we might get a decent punt at the

Corner of the field here Where crops of stones are high But surveillance is also very strong It's the place I expect to die As traps are sprung And I've discovered inflagranti With stones So I think that means what I think it means

Not as much fun when there's no one around To try and catch you Part of the chase Is the main fun of this Podcast Hope you heard that heavy thud Of a stone I just heard thrown From the path

We're actually in the wheel tracks Of Davros here Now this has become an official path After all those months of her Driving over here months ago Haven't seen her for a while Hope she's okay

I mean I am opposed to her And everything she believes in And she is trying to kill me But still That's no need to wish her ill And I'm just hoping Every time I come up here I hope the farm will be collecting

His beets They look ready And some of them look over ready There's a lot of mange Dampness attacking the leaves Black leaf But now we have to wait Well look at that

I can see there's a little pocket Of stones here Just a little nip out into the Stocean Literally just the stones Right from the edge though Because that's what I'm doing I'll just release

A couple of those babies You know I'm just painfully aware That when the plough And the harvester comes A lot of these stones will be Reburied And the plus side Lots of new ones

Will be coming up But I mean which is bigger Which is bigger I've had both extremes Which is too small Throwing that one back Hope it grows

Another day And here we are Corner of the fields Not a soul around Let's see if we can build up That wall between the fields That's not going very well That was not a good throw

I mean I could loosen up A few of these as well While I'm here Even though I don't throw them yet Always think ahead You may not be able to get them All out today But you can get them

Prepped for another Another sortie That's a nice one Look at that wolves I didn't even manage To throw that all the way out That was so big I'm not far from the shore

I'm on the path The diagonal Yeah that's off Hats off Because that's off Oh I assume I can't be bothered When the earth is plying

Try and get them up Because the earth will Close her jaws Around them Especially in the summer sun Quite a workout Isn't it wolves Quite the workout

It's just more stone Than soil here It makes it hard To know What to do That's a better throw Yeah that's off A couple of them

Not really quite hitting But I am exhausted I'm already exhausted Just crazy freedom To be able to do this So As we get Towards this two-year point

I think I started in Maybe September or October 2018 Was when I started this field Obviously I've been Stunkering my whole life I didn't know it

But that's always been my calling And Taking stock Two years of work Certainly 700 days have gone And I don't know Am I proud of what I've done

Yes As I haven't made a difference Of course Would anyone notice that difference Not Massively I think a few of the kens Have probably caught the attention

Of a few people That Walking along this particular Bit of field 90% stone This is just the path I have the 35 acres

That I've got available to me How many of those acres Have even had one stone Cleared off them And I think it's probably In the low ones Acres How many stones

Have come off though In that time That's maybe a better question Maybe a Maybe a slightly more Encouraging figure Definitely thousands Thousands of stones

That would have Languished on the field That found their way That was Well played Well played Stanis Stasi I've had to

I've had to dump my load For another day For another day Time to remember those Of course coming Coming from The stone pole Unusual direction

For them to come from Or was she turning Oh Weird decision there By the stone stars Is she is Perhaps intimidated Wondering if she can

Take me on in a battle Has All these stones Are really wet now She's turned Rather than completing The diagonal Across the field

She's used it as a loop I'm looping in the wrong direction She must have made that Decision before she knew I was coming Felt nervous about changing Or just saw me Thought

Don't fancy my chances today It's just me Bano And Mano Can I take her ring? No I just informed That I thought I might

See there were some Stones in his hands That he hastily dropped And then picked up again We don't We don't know what's Going through her head She's like Wolfie

Women and Wolfie If only we knew What they were thinking What a wonderful world It would be So I feel quite The adrenaline's rushing there Suddenly that's

That's why it's quite clever For the stone stars To have such a Skellington presence here You get lulled into Security Don't get lulled People

When you're out there Sharp As always Always on the lookout We're thinking of going For a run today But I can barely walk Right

I've got three stones That were picked and dropped And then picked up again What's that? Looks like some kind of Scabbard I don't know It's just a black leaf

Look like a leather Scabbard from the older days Okay A couple of stones there We're coming in For the Cops To sort of

Changed the Landscape a little We're coming in from There's a beautiful tiny Witch's finger Which is thick I mean that's so I have to plant them

That is a small one That some people prefer The small ones Never forget It's almost hard To see where the path goes Now it's weird The way the

The crops have grown There's a big patch Around the Center of the field There's brambles growing here It's beautiful And elderberries Growing from my

Wonderful care Gives you hope, Paul Gives you hope for the future Right Another stone starts Again in the corner Go in the wrong direction We may be okay here

So we're heading down Oh no There's another one My goodness they're good today And they're camouflaged Is that the same woman? She's coming around A second time to get me

That is quite impressive If so I'll head back a little bit She's got a couple of dogs there Don't want Morphe to see them Is she doing a sort of Weird Mini circuit in the field?

Is this like the Truman Show Where someone's on a Bloop Even though they don't have to be She's at the Dominic Cummings Memorial Trying not even Stuck pausing to Bowerhead for the great man

After all he did for us And all he sacrificed for us Ignores it Makes me sick Sick to the stomach He was a great man May he rest in peace Oh

I think the nice one here was Time to get the old trail Back out It's been hidden away This one can go on the Dominic Cummings And this one There's two together I don't want blood to stay together

Nice find Traditionally This is the little patch Where we start getting philosophical Thinking about the way The world is going I thought the world was in bad shape When we started

Stone Clearing Podcasts I thought most Podcasts would help Some ways I started Wonder where other things Have just got worse No It's definitely improved

Could it be the Stone Clearing Podcast Fault? Did it cause the coronavirus? No That's just crazy thinking I mean there was no coronavirus Before

Where there was coronavirus There was no COVID-19 Before We started doing this And now there is And that's just science That's just science Gonna pick up a couple more stones

There's a weird little patch here Thank you Tiddlers Should really gather some For the stone pole This point in 2 out of 5 Last week Let's see if we can do better than that That was on video I believe

I think we had a short Podcast in the last week Which I apologize Sometimes the pressures Of family life Get in the way I've just picked up Another stone

That says Stone Clearing's Dozen And I put on the Dominic Cummings Memorial Can The can that never grows As it's also known And I'm looking the same size as always

There's that nice door hinge Or something I found That's still on the top there Alright Let's get 5 bits of shrap 5 bits of shrap For the stone pole My friends

That's 2 Decent sized ones I'm going for Gonna give myself a chance Alright We've got that ammo No no As far as I can see

Let's hope we can make this A better day 1 out of 1 Wolfie's in the way Or just misses Wolfie's really making it A difficult target to hit Or 1 out of 3

It wasn't looking good, wasn't it? Oh no 1 out of 4 Oh 1 out of 5 It's a disaster Sorry everyone Please do Remember if you

Do put some money Into the Kickstarter That will Lay the bad luck That you will otherwise Be hounded with It was like That poor throw

1 out of 5 After 1 out of 1 Very unusual To get your eye in so quickly And then Have your eye out so quickly I had a few emails in Just checking them now

Brian A telegraph wire It's a hyphenate name Didn't touch the rich I really enjoy The stone clearing chapters And appreciate You imparting all this knowledge

And stuff for no Fee It's just Unbelievably generous of you Look, come on Brian I do it for the love of The love of stones

The love of people who love stones I don't want you to know I don't want you to know I don't want you to know I don't want you to know I don't want you to know I don't want anything else from you Is there any way at all

Richard please That I could contribute Just any way To help keep this stuff going After you've been so generous To me and helped me sleep With your podcast That's a bit rude

I can't really think of anything Brian, that's very I mean, I'm not really I mean, this is coming That bit out of the blue This email I mean, just to Tell your friends

Maybe about the podcast I don't really I don't want money I was just thinking Actually just came to me We are doing a kickstart At the moment Kickstarter.com

I think you go to Stone Clearing I think there's probably Quite a few stone clearing Kickstar Why don't you go to www.co.uk Kickstarter

You can You just have a little Look through Whatever you can afford You just want to put A couple of quid in That's okay If you want some of the rewards

You can cost a bit more They're all priced For different You know, pockets Let me get 50 podcasts A year You know, he probably has Maybe a hundred

Live feeds of video Only if that's worth Five quid to you You know, bit rude But I understand You can't afford to pay That's why it's free But

If you'd like to make a contribution Help us make more podcasts Well, that would be just Dandy Just be fine and dandy So thanks for that email But look, I know lots of people Have been going through a tough time

And money is not A commodity that many of us have So please Do enjoy my stuff for free That's why it's free But if you're rich Well off Or have some money to spare

Or think this These podcasts I do are worth The price of a cup of coffee A cup of coffee a month Then there are lots of ways To give me that Some of you get rewards with Some of you don't

Whatever you fancy Remember, if you're with Amazon Prime You can link Amazon Prime And Twitch Prime accounts And give me five pounds a month That no cost to yourself So that's pretty good, isn't it? Prime

But this isn't about trying to make money But give me some money No, don't I'm going to have some nettles Which is why I've gone quiet It's the both sides of the path I'm not sure there's any way Of navigating this safely

Without being stung That's what I'm going to do This is why you should really Wear long trousers I think back to those Stone clears of old Clearing stones naked There must have been

There's some fizzles here There must have been There must have been There must have been There must have been There must have been There must have been There must have been

There must have been There's some fizzles here There's some nettles Oh, are they? They must have had Some chaffed Testicles Some swollen genitalias

And that was before They got to the nettles Am I right? That very sexy thing I'm not even ready joking I yearn for the community Of stone tuirs For everyone who

Just, you know Clean, clear their stones And then get down to it but that's how it used to be in the old days, that was one of the perks. But now it's very much one man and his dog and I'm not so desperate. Anything's gonna happen between us.

No respectable fee. I mean, I respect people I have sex with as well, but that's not the point. So that's the dish that stopped Brexit there, been funded, it's the dish that welcomes migrants now of course. Every stone you put in there one, the country lets in another migrant,

that's the, I mean, the way it's sort of immoral of me not to spend all day throwing stones in there, but that's not the way it works. Just getting a stone for the African omega kid. Let's be a nicer country. What do you think, should we go back to being nice? Or should we be country a bit longer? Not a feeling, we're gonna stay being guns for a bit, aren't we?

Okay, well, if that's the majority view, that's all get on board. The quicker we do, the quicker we'll fall apart and we'll realize you have to be nice to each other. I guess that's, yeah, we find we selfish a bit, isn't it? Come on, let's go. What the fuck? How you doing? Yeah, you all right?

What the fuck? Sorry if I forgot, thought that was in the podcast there. Almost. Well, that's another podcast done. Hope you enjoyed it. Back to the reality now, back to my family life. Extracted there by some men who parked all outside my garage and everything.

Yeah, not gonna make a fuss. They look quite hard. Come on, girls. Here we go, sweetheart. The merry sound of children in the distance. Hello, darling, you all right? Yeah. What's going on? Oh, thank you for my kiss, that's nice.

Well, then, come here. Hey there. Stand clear. Stand clear. We've Richard Herring starred Moose Herring and Warfee the Dark. Plus, that woman on the strange Truman Show-style Luke. And pretty much, no, and I guess the guys parked in their vans outside my garage. They were in it too.

Sorry for that bit where I contemplate in the selfishness of the world and forgot to speak. It's a way things go sometimes. The music's by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of the tones is Mike Coffaheen. Listen to the birth and truth. Don't listen to your underhand. Listen to the throats. Listen to the throats.

And they, in turn, fell liven to ye, my friend. My fine friend.