Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 73

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

Chapter 73 - David Bowie Dog. It's 6pm on 24th August 2020 and Rich is confused about how many chapters in he is. You have a very limited time left to get your witch's finger or dick or lovely numbered membership card so head here NOW http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter. Rich is surprised by a Stone Stasi member who seems friendly enough, but note what he calls his dog. There's a brief intermission where Siri cuts in to heckle Rich. It's a short chapter but an important one. Liften to the Ftones.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello there, welcome to, I mean, I've lost count now. What is it? 74? Chapter 74, maybe. Of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Still so much to learn. I mean, 74 chapters in any other book, or 75 or whatever it is, would be a lot. But it's really just the preface to the main edition. Like one of those encyclopedias you would get sold by door to door salesmen in the 1970s if you were alive then. If you were old enough to, I mean, I was alive but no one tried to sell me when I was a child. I was stupid and algae.

You really need a great depth of knowledge. We've skimmed the surface, just as I've skimmed the surface of this field really. And it's an evening clear. It's just coming at 6pm, two minutes before, as we speak. And it is the 24th of August, 2020. The year it's been. I don't know whether we'll get there and find the harvest has occurred. That will be a wonderful thing. Whether we're still waiting. I don't know when the beets get taken in. All I know is the beets go on. Come on, I've done it before, but it was worth it. They're still there. The weeds are still there. The beets are still there. I think as a joke, the farmer may have decided to leave this crop in just all the time, just so that I can't get to his precious stones.

I'll still get to the mate. There's no stopping me. I've just got one out from between the weeds. That goes on the alphanomagic hen. The August sun. It's still beating down just about. I'm trying to kick a stone out of the ground. It looks a bit like a witch's finger, which is thick, but it's a bit too big. That gets thrown away. It's no good to me. It's no good to you. I've been stung through my boot. What's going on now? What's going on, Wolfie? What's inside this boot? It's pricking me. Many of my wellingtons today. They're a good, they're a better bet for kicking up the old stones.

So will I need more witches fingers and witches dicks? That's the big question. I do have quite a few gathered. Probably more or less enough for the demand, but of course, unless we hit the target by the end of the week, no one will be getting witches fingers and dicks. And I'll just throw those witches and fingers and dicks into the bin. Burn them. Nothing as I go. We've got 7000 pounds to raise in four days. We've done 13000 pounds in 12 days. We're a little bit behind the pace, but it's not going to happen. It doesn't mean it's not possible. I feel we set the target a bit high. Never mind.

Taking part the camps. There is now a couple of new levels. I don't know if I mentioned these last week. You can just, if you're not interested in sound clearing, which doesn't seem likely. You can get an alley. I'm winking at it. T-shirt. But you can also get that by just adding 20 pounds to any level that you are donating at or that you've already donated at. And 150 pounds, which I know is a lot so you can get the t-shirt, all the other rewards, plus a video message of thanks or me wishing you a happy birthday or anyone you want. So anything you want to anyone you like. At least a minute in length.

And remember you can still sponsor an episode. Four or five people have done that already. There will be some adverts coming into the podcast if we are successful. But it would only take a few more people to do that and would be well on the way. So if you've got 250 pounds, but I'm burning a hole in your pocket and you would like to hear your name mentioned for your business and stone clearing. I'll give you a good mention. It's not just going to be a fleeting thing. If you're going to do well at it, then please do subscribe, donate some rewards, but all equally. Just chuck in a couple of quid if you've enjoyed. One at 10 p.m. chapter, seven pounds, 30 or 40, whatever you're on.

If you've watched the Twitch stream over the summer, maybe a little bit more, who knows. Just kick that stone there from the bottom of the beat into the sidelines. It goes reassuringly clicking against another stone or two already cleared into the parts of the field. Beautiful sound. So relastper.co.uk slash kickstarter. If you'd like to join in with that. This is the last I'm going to mention it on this audio chapters. Don't miss out.

Beautiful long sleeved scalp style t-shirt that you can sew your scalp badges onto also available. I'm well aware that many people don't have spare money. All the profits will go to make more online content. I'd very much like people who come forward to play to pay and I'd very much like the people who cannot afford to play to get to camera and listening and watching stuff for free. That is my dream. You may call me a dreamer and I am the only one that everyone else looks everyone should pay regardless of their wealth. And oops, the fence there. And we'll see how we go. It doesn't matter if it doesn't happen.

It'd be nice to have all that lovely stuff. And I think we're going to do a snoop on next week. That won't bother you. Beautiful finini sticker. But the profits and that one, if we're successful this week at least will be donated to the charity that is trying to help out comedy venues and keep them going during this period where no one is going to comedy clubs because they aren't open. Because if we don't do that, comedy clubs are going to close. I'm not going to get me out here on the fields, but I worry about comedians and awkward comedy audiences. Used to be my job before I got doing this.

It's lovely doing an evening clear, I have to say. There's something fresher about the day ending. It's been a fresh beginning of hope. You have the knowledge the day's largely disappeared and nothing good happened. But we have hope for tomorrow instead. We have hope for going to sleep. Just going to stone there. And tomorrow might be good.

So sure today was terrible. Let's move on. Hope tomorrow is better. In the morning. You know, you're thinking, well, yes, there was rubbish. Today's probably going to be good. You don't have that the same perspective as you do in the evening. I've had quite a good day, but you know, you know.

Didn't bring my child out with me today, which is annoying because I've got to go after these fuckers up. And it is the summer field has them clamped in her jaws. And that's really seen any, which is which is Dick's. That one's a borderline. Take it, take it. Gray clouds. Shouting the sun. It makes it sense.

Towards Luton. I understand it stays overnight. And I get driven across the country. Start again. As my understanding of the way the world works, we're on a flat plate. And the sun. Controversed one way. And as we driven back by his dad.

Hasn't had to try yet. It's overnight. That's why it's dark. Makes sense who you think you are, doesn't it? Some say there are lands beyond Luton. I poo poo that idea. Just like a doll. Just poo poo some poo. Not my doll. Just sing a little poo in the field. I poo poo that poo.

Did you hear me poo poo it? Because I did. I poo pooed the poo. I said, hey, my references are really flying off the shelves tonight. For many young listeners. Come on. Educate yourself kids if you don't want to talk about educating yourselves. It's not all 9-1-1. And the Backstreet Boys, you know, I know you're all into that now. It's not all 9-1. It's not all them.

Brother Beyond. Music existed before these guys, you know. Good music. Betty Boo was doing the do. Weekfield Saturday night. Good stuff. Oh, come on. Come here. That's fine. Oh, she's just a little bit frisky. It's okay.

You know what I'm saying? They've made friends. That's good. Oh, come on, I'll let you go ahead. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, thanks. All right, yeah. So sassy, right up my ass. Some great friends, isn't he?

Some friends with a dog. No need for that kind of language, is there? Well, see you're a good guy, aren't you? You're a good girl. I had to drop a couple of stones. It's just about to throw him down the field. Scuppered my plans. Whew.

But luckily, well, he was friendly with the dog. He was friendly with the dog, wasn't he? With one weird little blue eye. I seem to know where I was going as well. That's proof he was a stone-starzy. Standing back there waiting for us to get out of the way. There are some stones here. I'm just working out whether I can risk picking one up.

But it's BDIser on me. The BDIser is weird, kind of a David Bowie-eyed dog. Also on me. There's some good potential stones. Imagine you kick a couple. This is all that's open to us. Oh, look at that. If I had my trowel, if I could live my life again,

if I could have a groundhog there today, it would be, oh, imagine, I was going to pick up one stone. This is even a pointless endeavor. Come on, go, go, go. Come on. You're a good girl. She's on the side, she thinks she's going to get a chase. She's going to be carefully placed.

The main ken, looking a bit worse for wear, I have to say. It's sunk by gravity or stone-starzy theft. Not the beautiful thing he once was, but still full of stones. And there we go, one stone goes on. Oh, there's a mast on there. I don't remember that one. All right, come on, boss.

We'll get off the thing there. Gone, didn't you? It's sped us through, really, through this bit of the field. Come on. I don't know if you heard that. Fly, buzzing past, buzzed in my ear. The crowd, clouds looking beautiful there, big white, that cumulus, come,

they look like cums, I think that's cumulus, and that's why it's called cumulus. The theory is it's the cumulus of the stone gods. It's blurring out across the countryside. Very much the emphasis on the cunt, the countryside there, of course. Oh, come on. It's Anglo-Saxon, Anglo-Faxon, as I call it.

And that's how things were when these stories, these legends, these hard and fast truths were created. But well played, Stone Starsy, today. You saw how he was. You saw the kind of man he was. Cumulus! Good girl. We're at the ditch that welcomed migrants.

The ditch of a better Britain, of a different Britain. The Britain we could have been, the Britain we should be. Just this one little hole in England. It's the one decent part that's left, after all we've been through. The last few years, two stones in tonight, that's enough. No need to get greedy, ditch the stop Brexit. I'm just correcting a few stones to the upper-long weekend.

Oh, sorry, it's gone a bit quicker. Sorry about that Siri cut in and cut us off. I hope that's all we lost. Let's just have a look. Oh, that stopped again. That's good. Yeah, it should be. I think we got most of it.

I called him a cunt, don't worry. Sorry we've said that a lot. Dogs being called bitches. I've fed the upper-long on the omega-can. A little rattled by that guy. I knew too much about my movements. Just letting me know that they'd made me, that my next walk would be my last.

Anyway, we're heading down. Back home. Time for the kids' bath coming up. They've been with their grandparents. It's been nice, actually. They've been with their grandparents most of the weekend and today. They came back last night briefly.

Oh, it's good having kids, but the best thing is when they'd go away. Especially the clearing stones, because that is obviously an impediment. We haven't had a few hours in this weekend. A few emails coming in. Richard, this is from, sorry to say your name. Let's just look at the top of it.

Raspberry Harris. Raspberry Harris. Richard, the kickstart rewards look amazing. Thanks. I particularly love the membership card. Hey, look, if you don't hit the target, I'll try and sell those anyway. Just so you look so good.

I'd love to be a member. Well, sorry, Raspberry. It's all or nothing with the kickstarter. We don't want to start getting into fiddling around with stuff like that. We want to find out how many people are committed. It's enough for them to commit it. And there's room for 99999998 nines in the row members.

That is the limit we've set. And so far I think we're on, so like, 300. So it's, you know, if we may have left too many, but there might be a late rush might get up to 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999. Yeah, if we do, I guess we probably will make it. Ooh, there's burning something. like the plastic, hopefully it's not our house there's a very horrible smell of burning plastic out here, um hopefully our house isn't on fire

can't see anything, i'm fighting rentable so let you off the lead, i'm going to grab the garden bin to put that out, it's been dead, it's been night i've got a good handful of rubbish collected from the garden so yeah the kickstarter really needs to be seen for those rewards to be given it but and also remember the ball bags will have racking rights over you if they're kickstarter does well and yours doesn't even make its target so think about that as you're sticking it here just putting the old bin out, it gives me a bit of a long time to talk to you

i've got the food bin out as well but i'm going to wait for the honey to come out that needs to go out, woops didn't it and there's food actually, just in case i forget, i'll come and do the proper recycling later so yeah look at it, right, my wife's in the kitchen so i'm going to have to go she won't be happy so i'm going to go to her house to put a code on your case like kickstarter if you want to grab one of those amazing absolutely amazing membership cards those are pretty cheap you can just get them as a downloadable thing so they look good so then you can put it up on plastic so i'll go to that anyway i better go

you're coming in woops, you're the hossies, love you all, goodbye don't listen to the bird fan-tree, don't listen to your underpants listen to the stone and they in turn, i'll listen to you, my friend, my fine friend stone clone with rich terring starred me rich terring and wolfie the dog plus that man we saw he was called his dog that rude name i didn't approve of that at all thank you very much to my cop great for creating this music and to the voice of the baton's michael faheen

the phone listen to the phone and they in turn, i'll listen to you, my friend, my fine friend you