Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 75

Episode Date: September 9, 2020

Chapter Feventy-Five - Ye Beetf Go On. It's approaching 9am on 9th September 2020 and a sleep-deprived Richard Herring hopes that his befuddled head will give him access to the realm of the Morlocks, logdogs and babies on horses. He has one dull hallucination but otherwise he just meets a load of new Stone Stasi with meat dogs. A wondrous transgression of the rules (well if the government can do it) leads him to the harvested next door field and a wonderland of mediums, not like the crap he's having to deal with in his own stocean. Only another six months to chapter 100. Maybe lockdown two will be over by then.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Come on girl, there's my good girl, isn't it? Is that my good girl? Oh dearie me, hello, welcome. It's September the night. It's about quarter to nine a.m., maybe even ten to nine. I've got my watch and a bit of a late Stone Clearing this morning. For chapter, what is it, seventy-five?

I think it's seventy-five. It's hard to keep track, isn't it? Bad night's sleep last night, nobody's fault, the kids all slept through. I've just been awake for a long night and feeling a little bit spacey. But often in those Stone Clears of No Sleep, we get to see the wonders that seep through from the real reality, the moorlocks, the babies on the horses, the log dogs. I don't need to tell you all those supernatural creatures that you need a certain mindset to be able to see. So maybe we shall see some of them day.

Wolfie is yanking on this leash. Wolfie, wait, wait, wait. I think desperate for a poo to be fair, but we'll see. Oh, there's a squirrel. You're not going to get that, Wolfie, it's come right up that tree. So, disappointing me, the field, the Stocean still replete with beets. The beets go on. I've done that joke before, highly.

Three tiny little stones on the Alphanomagic Inn that together they make one tiny stone. I think the Alphanomagic God will be satisfied as the lovely Glapper is growing up above it. Ah, as we head off around the field. I'll just mention that the Celica Kickstarter has begun. I know you won't be interested, I know you'll be furious that it's already progressing much better than the Stoan Clearing one. We are leaving it a little bit longer to raise the funds for this one. And also the money is going to help live venues stay afloat. Pretty depressed about the state of affairs with the coronavirus.

It looked like it was heading one way and I think we might be heading back. So that's not good news for a live comedy. Great news for Stoan Clearing though, which is all that you care about. We've started putting together the rewards for the Kickstarter if you backed it. I'm writing the 16 page booklet this week. Very mainly for live pictures of me and funny hats, but there'll be a lot of hard work going into it. I want it to be the best Stoan Clearing pamphlet available. There's a few out there.

To be frank, most of them are fairly scant on detail, so don't think any of them mention babies on horses. It's a slightly autumnal day here on the Stoan. Some blue clouds, some blue sky. Not blue clouds, that would be crazy. I'm not hallucinating yet. Some blue sky amongst the grey clouds. There's a few white clouds, but some ominous dark clouds and a breeze. The ominous breeze cutting across my diagonally where I am, coming from behind the diagonally hitting my upper arm,

then carrying on as if I was nothing buffeting me, but not as windy as some days, but it's whispering through the beats. They're whispering saying, but you keep going, you can do this. I wonder when these crops will go. I do know from my yesterday's Stoan Clearing that the next field along the one that I slightly covered will get to it. I think today has been harvested. It's just churned up soil, some beautiful big stones there. I did move a few of them into my wall.

I know that's against every rule of stone clearing, but specifically one about only clearing stones from your own field. We're distracted by a thrush. The bird, not the sexually transmitted disease. It's important when you're doing an audio landscape to get any attention to some surroundings. She's leaping around to show you can hear her. I was out yesterday and taking some photos actually from the booklet. There was a lot of stone stars around at 5pm.

It's relatively quiet at the moment. Wolfie's just done a poo in the Stoan. If you are eating any beets over the next few months, there's a good chance it will include the feces of my dog, but it's actually a good dog. Let me tell you about that. There was a shell there for a second, but it was just a leaf. The hallucinations have begun.

A shell on the Stoan seashore. That would be a wonderful thing to find. There probably are some in here from Precambrian days. Probably some dinosaur bones under here somewhere, aren't there? If we find them, we'll chuck them. We're going to take it easy. There might be some large moments of silence. I know a lot of you covered that within this podcast.

It's time for you to think about what you would do in my situation and what don't you would clear a couple of tiny bits of flint going into the base of the tree there. Return the corner, back up, heading towards the Cinebranian tree, some distance away. There are some stars in the distance, too, together. I'm going to sign. Usually they work solo with dogs.

These two are together. It looks like a woman with a child, but it could be more like a giant. They have a dog. I can't see a dog just for a moment. He's coming into focus a bit more now. The typical stone stars in the middle age. A grey-haired lady, not wearing lilac and black. She might be higher up in the hierarchy

than some of the stone stars we've seen. I've not seen the lady in the mobility scooter for a good long while. The tracks are still here. We're walking in them now. I hope she's okay. I know she's not a mortal enemy. We'll be coming. We're going to have a short leash here.

We might have to interact and not have to be polite. There you go. Which way are you heading? I'll wait for you to go. We'll be. Stay here. Stay. Stay. Good girl. We'll be this way.

This way. We'll be coming to play, but she's... Come on, darling. She's on a tight leash. The man just said he's walking around with me. I'm not just going on. But luckily I just look like a mental person. And there's plenty of those.

Homeless cough from the gentleman. Could be a crazy 19 flying in the air right now. Look at the size of that beach. Better take some beating. It's a different pattern when the beat goes on. The beat is a musical term. This is a beat in the sense of defeat. I can keep them coming with the homonyms.

Can you worry about that? So, yeah, I'm hoping that next week we will be presented with a churned-up field with many new and glorious stones to play. As it is, we're just picking out the crumbs from beneath the table of the stone gods. A tiny one that just picked up and crying off there. They all have to come off.

There's every chance this is my last opportunity for years, months, years, decades maybe to get these guys off before they get churned up. And buried again. I feel a heavy responsibility, but you can't carry all the stones, troubles on your shoulders,

or indeed all the stones themselves. They're very heavy. The tiny stones coming off. Tiny loose stones on the ground. They're very hard. I do not have my trowel with me today. I'm actually without my North Face jacket. North Face still refusing to pay me for the publicity

I've been giving them. I've sent them a few stern emails. They say they're in an open-shapsed obligation to pay me for mentioning them. It's something they do now. I'm supposed to mention them. Singing ring entry now. But I'll carry on.

I'm going to put this out. There's a nice stone that's come out into the singing ring entry. No singing, no ringing today. It will happen though. I thought it was ever going to happen today. There's a fucking giant running. Absolutely huge.

It's tall as the trees. How's that happening? Running along the North Face, right near the field. Is that the North? I don't know which direction it is. It's up. It's North, right?

They seem to shrunk down to normal sites now. They will be long gone by the time they were an animal within some kind. Probably a dog. Could be a llama. We don't know. Don't make judgments. Nice stone here pushed up by the beets. Off it goes.

Not clearing a huge number for stones today. So we might pop into the next reel just to show you what would be possible if only the farm would pull all her fingers out of their house and collect this crop that is rotting

in the field. It's almost like they don't want to have beets. Oh, it's around the turn and they've gone back the other way. That's quite clever behaviour. They've got me in two directions there. They've just turned that a bit better. I can't work out if the blue sky

is heading towards me or away. I guess the wind is coming. Maybe it's concerned. It's going to be a nice day. We'll find out when we throw stones against the stone pole, I guess. We need a wee. Just found everything

and slept in a little bit because I didn't sleep for about three hours of the night. And the world seems slightly askew as a result. The colours just slightly off like a TV channel

that's been tuned nearly correctly but just the greens are a bit wrong. The clouds are blue as I mentioned before. I'm trying also this month. I've made some September resolutions which we should all do.

I should have mentioned that before. It's down to Chloe's new year, obviously September. I'm trying to give up beating sugary snacks and crisps. Since that's when it's over. A week and a half into the month. I haven't had an alcoholic drink for about a month. I didn't really specifically give up again

but just sort of lay off for a little while and it seems to have held. So I should be fighting for it. But maybe the withdrawal from sugar will just create some problems.

I'm having some sugar but not very much and comparatively hardly any. You can't get away from it. Look at these beaks here. So you may be able to hear the wind a bit stronger now

blowing in my ears. Trying to disrupt the perfect sound of this beautiful podcast. I know some people get upset about this and I know with the videos that are available on YouTube you can watch live on Twitch. If you follow me at twitch.tv

you'll get a notification when I'm out here. They're always a surprise because I don't want the stars to find me. I put those up on YouTube now. In the secret channel you could be able to find it.

Some people complain about the video quality but would you complain about the quality video that comes from a war zone? Would you expect that to be perfect? I'm in the agronom field now. It's all beautifully plowed up. This is what I want in my field

is to be able to pick out stones like their potatoes. That's the most of the rule. This is against the rules of stone clearing. Rule one of stone clearing if you're not aware there are no rules of stone clearing. Rule two is you must only clear stones from your own field.

No man must. Until you've cleared your own field do not move to another. I'm building the wall between the fields with these bricks. Some of them are actually bricks. I think they come from the walls. There's a nice one.

It's just nice to get your hands on some solid medium sized stones. After all these months there's some beauty in there. That was into the into the

grass it goes. You can't see the wall at the moment. It's very overgrown but I know my wall is beneath it. If I was going to try and have a quick wee this would be the place to do it. I think it's too exposed. That was a beautiful

rugby style conversion kick. Looks a bit like a witch's finger. We'll pick that up in case we don't have enough. I think we'll do that enough. Oh I was just about to say we're at the stoniest part of the field and there's no one around

but someone is just coming on the diagonal so I'll quickly throw one stone off. Wolfie's not chasing. I'll get Wolfie on the lead. Well played. Stone Starzy. This takes out a huge amount

of fossil stone clearing. I'm going to do backhand this one out. I'll throw that left-handed backhand. Got closer. Oh and there's another Stone Starzy pincering in from the top. What I call the north side of the field

which it is not. And I'm pin-zums-wanged and trapped here. Very SS looking FF member there coming through a younger guy with a ball when it shades. Moving purposefully

whereas this typical FF member coming from the diagonal a woman in what way a floral blouse maybe. Come here Wolfie. Wolfie come here. Come here. Come here. Wolfie come here.

No. Come here. Wolfie come here. So we're going to have to have some conversation here with the younger middle aged woman being probably her mother teaching her the ways of the

Stone Starzy. To pass on the mantle down the generations we'll see. So little dog Wolfs. Will you keep away? Good girl. Morning how you doing?

Good. Yeah fine thanks. Yeah. It's only with little dogs she goes a bit crazy so I'll keep with Good good. Good girl Wolfs. You were scared of that one weren't you? You were scared.

Very polite both me and her but we knew beneath that polite conversation not only shimmering sexual tension I'm sure you picked up mainly from her but also deep distrust

nowhere enemies I mean it makes the sexual tension more exciting. Don't know we could potentially imprison each other possibly kill each other at any time. That's how I like it. Another Stone Starzy and this is beyond the pale what they're doing to me today

I thought things have been a bit quiet a bit too quiet a lovely stone there not going to get up. I don't think so anyway I only have time to maybe pick up one quick stone before this guy I think it is a blue

you know the one the guy in the blue top a bit of shame not to get anything onto the central cane today but nothing is massively presenting itself to me I'll grab this one it's like a doorknob shaped stone which one we'll throw onto the central cane

just imagine this would be behind the bush now so there's anything here I can clear that as well but there doesn't seem too much but slim picking well we're over the other side now come on darling alright we've escaped him but very poor poor

and often the disruption that the stone starzy can cause is enough for them to know that four or five stones that would have been off the field and have long got off the field I had to come back another day to try again they're perfect these people mentally ill

and what's let me come stone just what's wrong with you why is it a problem why organize this big massive fascist organization to stop something that is essentially probably harmless doesn't do any damage to you but I guess

you know I like it it's like if Batman and the Joker is in prison Batman has nothing to do with me we need each other I suppose if I was just able to clear the stones peacefully without this constant threat of mutilation

and death and being having sex just before they killed me I don't know why I'm sex with that guy or anyone because I'm married but you know you know what I'm talking about anyway so picking up a few

nice spherical almost spherical stones like plums have been dropped on the floor and then hardened I mean these are pretty good these would be pretty good for the stone pole maybe I should save this for the stone pole when I get the five ready for the stone pole

and then if they can get anything on the Dominic Cummings Memorial Camp as well that's a bonus I've got right hand full of five stones the stone clear as a dozen as many stones as one human hand can hold whatever size of the stone is

that's right you think what if there are stones that are reasonable it's not possible for a human hand to pick up any more than five stones whatever the size of the stone is it's like when you can't fold a piece of paper more than five or six times whatever it is that same principle

so one stone at the moment for the Dominic Cummings Camp may he rest in peace I might make it two of them it's the can that never grows I don't know why I bother oh here he fell over only tripped over a beat

there's a scarf on the Dominic Cummings can right now which presumably is another tribute to I'll take a photo of it with a hand full of stones the grey scarf hung around it's presumably Dominic's as well his hat is now there buried beneath stones here we go it's the stone pole

first time for a while and I've got all five stones in one hand so the initial oh I can move from one to the other right I've got to do better than I have done lately oh that's a clear miss hit the wrong pole went off the field that's a clear hit one out of two two out of three

three out of four and then just be a giddy excitement of having got more than half threw me off and the last one went quite badly alright three out of five is going to be a good day do subscribe to Twitch with your Amazon Prime you can give me money for free

by connecting your Amazon Gaming Twitch account with your Amazon Prime account and subscribing if you do that right now that three out of five luck will be doubled to six out of five which is incredible good luck for the day

so in spite of my gloomy prognosis stations faced on a semi lockdown coming back to the UK that will at least at least some good news for today

I will become a monthly badger and go fast to strike.com slash badger the same power that's probably a little bit more especially if you go for a golden or platinum badger really need a wee now it's getting slightly more desperate there's no real cover

and there's a lot of people around as you've noticed new breed of stone stars that I don't recognize any of them obviously often in the purge stones it's a dangerous thing being a stone star the lady

in the mobility scooter probably liquidated all the others good girl good girl morning come on

we're going this way come on come on darling good girl come on luckily kept walking on the lead from most of this walk just due to the huge number

that guy has a stash bald head sunglasses terrifying just a smile at me saying good morning come on darling come on sweetheart he's standing at the top of the door there's another person who's coming behind

I didn't even see that one get a wave I know what they're doing it's two of them together thought I had a good bit of fodder there for the ditch that stopped Brexit I mean thank god this ditch stopped Brexit because I would hate

to live in a world where Brexit was still going ahead the second wave of Covid and a government that's had to break the law in order to get what it wants that would be a terrible world to live in little blueberry on the floor there

little wasp Jasper we used to call those at school we also called the dinner ladies jaspers which I rather liked there were wasps like way to zoom in circling around to see this beautiful Somerset child imagery

both of them mate I've got one nice stone for the ditch that stopped Brexit the ditch that got the government coming sacked and the ditch that welcomes migrants and is it a coincidence that Simba started doing this and that he has welcomed one migrant

into his house I don't think it is a coincidence you are a sheep or you are wake up wake up sheep or it's time you know these are the end of days it's time to accept the one true religion into your hearts

give yourself a chance in the next life of not being one of the people just pelted by stones chatting way way but to be one of the people throwing the stones that the people didn't believe that he who is without sin cast the first stone and that is

that's your clue from the Yefuf Chris if you are without sin you get to cast the first stone after an omega can gets a couple more offerings

a little stone here in the path that can go on there as well that technically was already off the field but it doesn't hurt to make it onto a can and down we go let he use without sin cast the first stone

for those of you don't speak medieval English let he who is without fin cast cast the first stone for those of you who do that's your clue now there is the Yefuf game

you can't say you weren't one 2,000 years ago people were warned about that but if you are without sin stone sin no coincidence that sin and stone begin with the same lecture again if you can't see this

you're just kidding yourself so I'm getting clipped into the toilet which I'm happy about oh it should look at the emails before we go Hayundai traffic cone pin in touch

I think they're from Japan saying I'm reading the email here before I concentrate I'm not getting run over at the same time Hayundai traffic cone has good date greetings to you Richard

definitely Japanese, that's currently a Japanese person to say can you tell us a bit more about stones I mean that almost sounds sarcastic but I'm sure that's just the I'm sure that's just the lost in translation

a little bit there this whole podcast is about stones so what I can say to Hayundai is just keep listening but they're good and if you truly understand the way of the stones you will be happy

I believe there are stones in Japan I'm guessing it's in Japan sorry if that's not the Japanese word and traffic cone is the traditional Japanese name oh wow jamming

sorry I don't know if you were beset by my technical difficulties there to set off my tile key find in my pocket I don't know if that came across on to the they've got a home now, just going to feed the dog

and thank you to Hayundai for the email there's so many, I can't read them all there's just no time do check out the Twitch channel if you haven't done so and I will see you next week on

Stone Cave in the Rich Town, goodbye listen to the stones listen to the stones listen to the stones listen to the stones and they in turn are livid

to you my friend my pine friend Stone Climbing with Richard Herring starred me Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog, plus quite a few of the Stasi and my son the end there as well. I managed to have a wee as well so that was good. The music by Mike Coffgrave, The Voice of the Photons, is my call for him.

Don't listen to your underhand. Listen to the throats. Listen to the throats. And they in turn fall, listen to ye, my friend, my fine friend. The Voice of the Photons