Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 76

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

Chapter Feventy-Fix - Chameleon Man. It's before 8am on 17th September 2020, but Rich has already been awake for two hours. But it's time for the podcast to get serious and into some next level stone-clearing, if the FF will keep out of Rich's grill. There are some new enemies to contend with as well as advice on how to deal with another stone clearer on your patch. More ancient wisdom and the first email for a while that doesn't feel like someone has just written the first thing that they've thought up. Support the Snooker kickstarter if you have lost your mind, here http://rhlstp.co.uk/kickstarter Check out Rich's video stone clears either live on Twitch http://twitch.tv/rkherring or on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/Herring1967

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Go, go, go, go, go, come here, come here Oh, digger, right! I think it's Chapter 75 today It's the, er, what are we on? Let's have a look It's quite early I've been up since about 3, it's the 17th of September

It's 7.30pmam Ante-Maridian, not Potion-Maridian And we're heading out onto the Spotion Will, the farmer, have harvested his crop of beets this week I mean, I don't think so, I was here last night And, er, it seems I'm likely to have done it overnight So, I don't want to spoil the, er, the wonderful jet we got on time What a time to start talking

I've been up since, with my sentence, about 5.45pm So, we'll get a little dog walk out of the way before school But, you know, there's something else that goes on when we do the dog walk Isn't there that no one else knows about, except you and me It's our secret, don't tell anyone It's own clearing, hooray! Wolfie's been away right by the after a long way again Which, er, I'm not sure the gods will appreciate

Let's get them an offering Wolfie, come here, I'll let you off, you dick You fucking dick It's hard to find stones around here, there's so much weedage But there's someone How it goes Just a tiny offering has to be done Ye alpha and omega gods must be appeased

Give them a stone when you arrive and you leave For if you do not, your day foul be cursed And everyone else will see you in a hearse That is the medieval Roman Russians I'm surprised they had hearses back in those days Thought they just chucked you in a pit But there you go, you learn something from studying the ancient texts And the ancient wisdoms

I've done a live stone clear this week If you want to go to YouTube or Twitch to watch that video During the most weeks But I think most of you will find it a bit prosaic And a bit pedestrian There's some good clearing going on here Wolfie's doing a poo out in the field Just far out enough that it's no longer my concern

I cannot trespass into that stotion And I never would Wink wink, hassle off David, hassle off if you're listening Little bit of code there in case the farmers have done a poo Or is that weed high, it's a good poo And just have a look at it And pick up a stone very near it

That can come off Like Wolfie was letting me know There was a stone there That'll just get churned up and mix in with the beets And they're finally harvested And when you eat your beets You'll be having a mouthful of Wolfie's feces And that's why you're buying beets

And I know you won't be disappointed So it's a lovely morning The sky is very blue There's some haze over to my left Which I think is which direction is that I should know very soon Sort of southwards The sun's coming up from the area

The sun's coming up If you know where that is That's that direction The sun is good I'd say six inches above the hillside As I look at it I just hold up my finger I mean four inches if I may

Sort of the breadth of my hand Above the lands now Playing this flying right towards the sun I don't know if you've seen it Fucking idiot It's gonna kid everyone on board So really it's a waiting game at the moment This is the worst time to be a stone clearer

But very soon it'll be the best time Or one of the best times to be a stone clearer We've had Stone Easter The Stone Harvest Festival Is possibly even a bigger deal Just because of the long periods of time It will have been since you've been Properly able to get in and pick up some stones

So just go have a nice one there Can I pry that out of my work I'm prized it out with my fingers In like the olden days There's lots of different ways to clear stones If you are back in the Kickstarter You will soon be getting a booklet Explaining

Cognites and history All sorts of things It's amazing what you can pack into 16 pages If you're interested in snooker Or even if you're not Then there is a new Kickstarter at us at code.uk

That's Kickstarter Which is an amazing reward All the profits of which are going to help live comedy If we hit our target Which we had a very good start And it always does It would be nice to well exceed the target As the money is not coming to us for once

I don't know It would be nice to well exceed the target As the money is coming to us for once But it's for It's to help live comedy clubs Keep going And we'll do what we can With whatever we make

And we'll cost a little bit To make the rewards and stuff So it's not all going to What the hell are you doing? Come here Silly little cheeky monkey Trying to go through someone's gate But I want to move on We're on chapter 75

Strum bones And I think I hope we are Otherwise I'm going to look an idiot And Can the corner feel It's a little stone there

There aren't many stones down here Visible There's a lot of grass down here And it's hard to find anything That's been redacted I think it's time to move on To some A bit more serious stone clearing techniques

I think most of you Have probably picked up the basics by now Because you can see some grass Just the real secrets That take you from Apprentice To the present In the United States

In stone clearing Which I very much view myself as I've been doing this for two years now Which is a lifetime And it's gone clear for eight years Not many of us Get to Clear for that long

Before we were caught By the proponent for party There was a very exciting action With the lady and the mobility scooter On the video You might want to watch Just for that I had to hide in the wood

A lot of people complaining about the video quality Don't get so many of those About the audio anymore We did out those Cricks He demands the audio Sounds good In the wind

No one around We're a bit early I think for most of the Inhabitants This particular shire Speaking of the cobblestones Just Probably a meter inside

Filled Just picking up the scurry And that is a word for curry Of course in ancient times It would have been called It all has to go And it is this exciting point Of the terrifying point really

It's bewildering time of year When you're aware that The ground is soon going to get churned up The stones that are on top of the ground You should have cleared this year Should have cleared the lot this year I'm really in the anticipation of the next lot But they're going to be largely buried again

So there's a responsibility to get as many Of these stones out as you can before They come hidden once again And It's slightly annoying A lot of the beaks have been Knocked over falling out of the ground And look like stones

And you waste your time picking up a beat And That could have been a stone you cleared there But Luckily Getting quite good at seeing the difference Between a green beat And

Usually brown Like cold stone But sometimes there Is a bit of crossover Look out for that If you're clearing a field of beaks Not all of you will be First time I've had to do it

I'll walk as excited about this stone Going up down You're never going to get it Throw it into the bush And the bird flew away If I can throw that stone To make The rook fly

Then your day Shall go And you shall cross the sky And then He shall clear Off the tone If you scare a rook He will never be alone

That's an ancient I've been studying the ancient texts Partly for the For the booklet Just trying to get as much wisdom in there as possible Wobby, come here Come on Dog

There you are Pink Glad, stone clearer So it's Stone Starzy Woman Sprightly Middle-aged lady Maybe about my age Maybe a bit older

Crossing the field at a pace I didn't see her Even though she was wearing pink This is how they get you A hedgerow be ye friend For the phone clearer Can hide So many things inside

That's another one I saw this week A lot of them feel like quite imprised in nature A lot of these But I'm sure the ancient That's a bit like the watcher's finger Which is Nicodonics goodness That's going into the metals I think they have to rework these texts

Had to work fast But it's amazing when you consider That they were clearing stones They had maybe a week of life expectancy And they were managing to get this stuff Orally transmitted There was a lot of oral Transmission going on in those days

Seeing ring and tree Having a few problems with my dog leads For some reason Throwing a stone at the seeing ring and tree Nothing has happened Let's go watch her Sprightly lady has not What's happened to this?

I think they're back to normal Right You know, given that A lot of those rhymes were I guess all the bad ones didn't make it through the years But given the improvisational nature of them It's pretty amazing how good they are These for done clearer

Does not have time to think They must Just Clear No time to eat or drink No time to write Ye poetry Stone clearing

Is all we have to be That's a pretty good one Acknowledging the difficulty Of writing these rhymes On the hook That's definitely what you think It's a fascinating thing if you do start to study You see the way they used to do things

differently Naked mainly Is the main difference Some things you want to take on board Some things you think, well, that's a bit much No wonder you're getting caught If you're running around naked It looks hanging out

Or bosoms Or both Another stone starts in the distance I think heading away from my field Maybe he's policing the next door field Which is central, I walked past that hall He actually went on a run this day in my life Ran this field a little bit

Did you know how well I knew it But we ran into the next field And my god, I wish I'd chosen that field That will be the next one when I've played this one Unless someone else is clearing it I don't think they are It's just the bounty there is unbelievable There are some people just

A little part of this idea They're being sneaky very sometimes Unfortunately their dogs have started Fighting, so They've given their position away Who knows what they've heard Definitely they're just rambling on They might mistake me for

A mad person It's a good technique if you are Caught in flagrente, as they say To Actually see the dog nest like a wolfie To just pretend you're mad Wolfie, stay here, good girl So that's going to slightly scuffle

My So I was going to transgress all the rules And clear a few stones from the next field But that's not going to be possible We will head across The diagonal That guy is coming this way Interesting, he's just going to play

From the stone starsy Come on But he's too far away I think And they've got difference Yes it is indeed The rapid pink lady Weirdly not gone Quite as fast as she could have done

Which makes me Pretty convinced she is a Stone starzy But she's on the wrong way now And while her back's turned Well that is patch of I mean where this field is just mainly stone And clearing off a few

Before the guy comes down the other way They played pretty well there Not as well as they did yesterday Another day before on the Video shoot where I was really That was a bad throw That was a putter throw One more

That was better One bouncing into the Strawberry, almost Right we're on the diagonal let's see what happens here Oh another, they are Popping at the woodwork today There's another one coming on the top of the field A bit later I think

But you can see everything I'm doing I'll have to be careful Just gather a couple of stones now Just in case that's my only opportunity There's all the scree here A lot of scree Oh drop one of course remember If you pick a stone up and drop one

You are obliged By the rules of stone clearing If you pick a stone up and less There is a stone starting to come You're like a dump wire horde To save your life But I can't really It would be a brave lawyer

Who would argue that That man in the puffer jacket Had seen what happened there Was in any way endangering my life Endangering more stones along this path than ever Being across here Probably six or seven hundred times Maybe more

In the last two years And yet still Even this pathway is not clear to the stones here Left alone the thirty five acres of land What's around it If you can start to lose hope You can start to think Will I ever get this done

But you can't think right now That you have to just think once If I don't complete my work Someone else will One kilometer walked You're interested I've probably cleared Something like twenty stones in that time

Which is not bad going There's five in my two hands Right now they're all quite small ones But they all count And there's literally no one around now Don't feel you're right in that Second corner That he's behind me heading in a different direction

He's not a worry But equally Just the path is visible Very thick Beat leaves Covering nearly everything I picked up a couple more stones I've got five in one hand now

That's the maximum any human can have Any size stone If you see anyone carrying more than five stones In a hand if you've seen a photo of that On the internet that is a doctor's photo Not possible My hand is full of these fives And a little

Little stones on my hands I have this perfectly normal size For a grown adult male So we've all Got some bounce off it into a little gully Where I think it will become one day fine The coke bottle being knocked around there Hopefully that will be buried soon

We'll manage to hit the actual telegraph pole From a distance there That was quite exciting Good practice for the stone pole later Of course the telegraph pole is Bigger target Divergent pass I could head straight to the stone pole

For the upcoming memorial The choice is mine I'm going to get Five stones together For the throw straighter one two three four So I'm ready to go In case There's our scooter lady

Or anyone else Man is to Get inside my head I'm not trying to pick up a couple of those walkies inside They're not coming, they're going on the pole Oops, they're not for you I'm going to try to pick up a couple For the dominant coming's memorial

One hand full of those five little stones The other hand free to pick up More 10 stones in total I'm trying to carry a Dog lead with me as well they remember And another stone star If he's not going, oh and a guy I didn't think he was so well colourful

I didn't even see him, he looked right at me Like a Sasquatch would That could have been He's like a chameleon He's like a chameleon man Whatever he's passing He's basically the colour of The same and I only saw him right

At the last second He stopped me under a tree And I believe he's moving on again Realising I've seen him Chameleon man That's a new one Won't make it into the brochure Too late for the brochure

So you see a new thing Every stone clear I can't wait To list everything I've seen out here Some people call them hallucinations Some call them visions I'm just making the whole thing up But I can promise you everything I see I've been perceived by the human eye

Now is that trustworthy The camera never lies But what of the human eye Does it lie Does it lie The trousers are falling down a little bit Maybe they're running at it yesterday I've done some good

Ran for 50 minutes Only 6 kilometres Not fast But We're building our way back up again Four or five years ago I was running Six or seven miles in that time So

My fitness has declined But I can't pull my trousers up Because I've got stones in both hands I want to use my thighs Pushing out just to keep them up It's again another problem I've encountered About that human fear

I'm going to make the Stone poles I'm going to dump my five Stones on the bottom of the can Man, just pull that That trousers up a little bit Here we come, stone pole Doing a very poor

Hit rate of late Managed two out of six on the video I'm going to have to put an extra sneaky one in And hopefully get halfway Right, take your time Richard Wolfie's in the way Well in the way as well, not out of one Not out of two, oh it bounced back nearly

But Wolfie tried to grab it out of the air Not out of three This is terrible, Wolfie really Playing goalkeeper here though Not out of four, this is terrible And just the last one hits One out of five If you can contribute to the Kickstarter

Right now Or link your Amazon Prime and Twitch Prime accounts Or gaming, Amazon gaming accounts And give me your subscription Or become a monthly badger Go to site.com or such badgers You can assuage some of the bad luck With that one out of five, it's going to give us all

Just money in an envelope Loaded through my door Anything will help you It has to be of monetary value to me I don't make the rules, I don't like it I don't agree with it But that's just the way it is Heading out to have a little

Hustle of Just to give you some excitement I was forced out to do the other day By a dog and saw some good stones So Just going to take a couple off Those are nice There's a fair amount of

All smalls really These are small, medium, medium I'd say these two Along the fence they go Little counts Everything counts in a small amount So I'm just going to get mostly on the leading case There's a stone, there's one coming up behind

They've played very well today But just slightly Mis-timed everything I would say But often that can be a tactic Lull you into a false sense of security Bang Let's take a photo of this Lovely

Beautiful Taking a photo of this lovely bearded Vithal I think I just stopped The recording there, I hope so We haven't lost out on anything I don't think we have enough The time is here about right

So that's okay Come on I'm paranoid when I put it in my pocket I stopped it You never get over that kind of paranoia though right Because you have to keep putting it back in your pocket The old stone Kicked along the path

Saying Rich, come on Pick me up and chuck me off And I did I did exactly what he wanted, they speak to you Listen to them Listen to them for terms It's all in the song that he did right The one that was to come

Right, no, there's nothing here Wolves, you can go run free, do a wee Do a little extra poo if you like Treat yourself, have a treat I can't get enough There you go So heading down Down the hill

Another success from Stone Clear I felt that's a leaf But I was kicking a stone off the path But it was a leaf And it's happened to us all, I think it's a bit of a Stone clearing observational comedy there It's not all work, work, work How he helped, and another

Stone Starzy Blended in They're doing very well or he's just appeared out of a gate I don't know what he's done Which way is he coming, he is coming this way Come here, what's over there, got a dog Look at this, it's quite lumbering Intimidating figure, this could be it

This could be it, I did predict it would be Something from the Stone Starzy This guy looks like Cylon from Doctor Who, something like that Where's the puffin' jacket guy from Before, he doesn't even know a dog Crazy, he's very, very tall Just getting a bit out of his hand

Because I thought it was like a rope or something He was getting out of doing this Hey girl Come on down, figure Just back normal if you Just normal Hi Look to me as if saying

Just back normal to a dog Was a strange thing to say But I think I got away with it And I think that's just the man Walking around the field on his own without a dog And that is weird I hope he's not casing to become A Stone Clearer for this particular field

Just going to observe him See if he's stealing anything If you do see someone else Casing stones from the field Obviously He can't report them to the Stone Starzy Get rid of the competition Use the Stone Starzy to your advantage

That's the ditch that welcomes migrants Two more migrants welcomed there by Little Richie, I'm just doing my bit Just doing my bit Can't call me a hero I've stopped Brexit Got Dominic Cummings attacked Before he was sadly died

And several migrants Are welcomed What are you doing? Nothing What are you doing to help this country? Nothing I've just picked up loads of little stones Six stones

I've almost had them in one hand You can only have five in one hand So put the other in the other hand Alright, well time for the emails Thanks for watching See you next time Oh When the mobility scooter lady

Just on the horizon Everything just slightly out of sync for them today Thrown by my My early arrival Her pink hair Is glinting in the morning sun She looks beautiful Good luck to her

I say she's got wing mirrors to spot Stone clearers So let's have a look Twiggy Bramble Twiggy Bramble I think you may have I know Twiggy's been in touch before

I'm not sure we've had a Twiggy Bramble before Nice to First time Long time listener First time emailer Twiggy I was wondering Richard What were you wondering Twiggy

You can't reply it's an email Could just read it Find out what you're wondering Twiggy says Is it ever okay to eat the stones if you're very hungry I know the medieval times People didn't have time to eat or drink Could they eat the stones

Twiggy We haven't had many good questions Recently a lot of the questions Have recently seemed to have been People thinking they had to email And just say whatever came off the top of their head Which is a great way to write Aphorisms and wise things

But not a great way to write emails It is okay to eat the stones You may be surprised to hear me say that But there are some conditions obviously Try not to eat the very sharp ones Try not to eat the very big ones But if there's stones Of cherry size

If they're nice and round Yeah sure get them down in your tummy But you must not leave the field Until you have excreted them Onto a can So gobble them up They will fill your tummy quite nicely If you are starving hungry

Gobble them down And then poop them out You could have one can Especially that he uses as a toilet Or you could just poop them on any can The poo will I mean if you eat the stones There won't be much actual fecal matter

That's If you are having a few leaves It doesn't matter because that can be washed away The rain And eaten by the insects But the stones cannot be affected By your digestive tract It's good to finally have had a proper question

Who would have thought Twiggy Bramble would be the one Right well we're home now And I see my family out shit I'm doing the mechanism of the gate Still at the table so I'm going to have to go There we mustn't know what's going on I will wish you a good year And

We'll see you on the other side Let's get this dog some kibble Basil Kibble has actually been in touch Hello darling To say Hi Don't have a question

Nice for you to email in but it's wasting some time That's it good bye See you next time Hi there you all right everyone And And And And

And And And And And And And And

And And My friend My pine You have been listening to Stone Clearer With me, Rich Turingon and Wolfby the Dog Plus the chameleon man The Charity Scooter Lady

That very tall rival Stone Clearer Lots of people today, it was amazing wasn't it The music is by Mike Kovgrave The voice of the betronz is Michael Faheen him. Listen to the throats, and they, in turn, file liver To ye, my friend, my fine friend