Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 79

Episode Date: October 14, 2020

Chapter Seventy-Nine - Imagine All The People Clearing All the Ftones. It's 8am on 14th October 2020 and over 2 years since Richard started stone clearing (sept 2018) but not quite two years since he started these chapters (12th November 2018) and amazingly there are still a few stones left to clear. More medieval wisdom today, plus tales from the North of Adrian's wall of the backward tribe of Scotch stone clearers, plus a surprisingly spritely John Lennon joins the stone stasi. Plus the finging ringing tree, the ftone pole, the ditch that ftopped Brexit and cured Covid and your emails. Check out http://twitch.tv/rkherring and subscribe to save yourself from the curse of 2021.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Everybody wants to rule the world How about you, Rofi, do you want to rule the world? Because the card you get is for fear Everybody wants to sell You must want to I'm not sure that I want to It seems like a bad idea to me

Cover the moves, good girl Everybody wants to rule the world Every boy and every woman, every man and every girl Watch out, whoopee whoopee whoopee whoopee whoopee That is not a good idea for everybody to rule the world Oh, dear of me Whoops Rofi

Whoopee, come here Whoopee Well, hello there Welcome to what I think is Chapter 79 I'm not sure of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring It's the 14th of October Just four months of Valentine's Day everyone Start planning your meals now

Best you're not sure the relationship is going to last that long It's quite early It's 8am, I think, let's have a look at the time It's 8.02pm right now And we're just passing through the wedding bower That leads us back Like Duckett's passage to medieval times So we can clear stones

And out of the invasion Have modern day stones to the hazy Let's see if that works today Beautiful day, the sun's just coming up Winter is approaching The second lockdown is Some of your reality already But don't worry, you're not far behind

Now, if an omega-K has been fed Oh, come here, come here Come here, I know you want a poo-poo I know you do, come The ground's wet Which is Quite good news The fucking station is still full of

Beech roots, sugar beets, whatever they are Some dead sunflowers Weeds Someone go and check on this farmer, knock on their door Just check they're still alive I'm a bit worried for them Taking a couple of stones up out of the park here That's my job, kids, that's my job

And into the bushes they go Exciting news, if you go back the Kickstarter The 16-page booklets are ready Which is finger, which is dick Boxes are ready, the badges are ready The scout badges are ready at least Should be winging it's way too fairly soon We're just waiting on the t-shirts I think

And read to sign the ones that need to be signed But I'll be doing that this week So, I would say Hopefully before November But certainly in very good time for Christmas If you've purchased these things as Christmas gifts For other Stone Cliffs fans I mean, it's a very small size that I hope

You haven't all bought to each other Well, that'll work out okay with me If you've all bought each other it It's going to take a little mini-hassle-hop out here Because I've spotted a stone Oh, there's a couple out here There's a witch's finger, which is dick I don't know if I've got enough of those

I'll pick that up just in case You can never have too many witch's dicks And I've taken a couple of stones off there It's all going very well It's all ticking along How can my trousers both be tight and falling down Explain that to me, science, you can't You cannot explain it

You can't explain it more Oh, it's a beautiful morning here in Where do I live, Hertfordshire? Hertfordshire, Hertfordshire I may be losing my mind The clouds, they're scutting They're not actually They're more hanging low in the horizon

The sun peeking through A bank of clouds now Good Let's have a look at how much that I'm holding my fingers up Three inches off the horizon already The day has begun 14th of October

Some people thought that we'd never arrive This day They were wrong, here it is It's a beautiful blue sky It's chilling in the air There's squawking of birds As they fly overhead And Wolfie's actually just

Speaking of birds, Wolfie's just found some kind of Grouse That she's chased and it's flown away Into the next field, Wolfie's looking for lawn, Leon Wondering why he couldn't devour And kill That innocent bird But it would have had no way of really eating

Certainly once I'd clobbered her over the head Oh, there's some more, what are they? They look like there's birds on that bottom of the whiskey There's loads of them, they're all just Wow, she's going, Wolfie! She's a mother, Wolfie, come here! Leave the birds alone Wolfie!

I wonder if I'd just see another dog over there Wolfie, come here! Come here! If he leaps over the green waves That she heads not towards me In this general direction Where are you going? I haven't got time for this, I've got to be clearing stones

Not looking after you You're just my beard You know that Just found a stone in the park, taking it out with my trowel Bang, off it goes, I don't know if you heard that Clack against the Satisfyingly clack against another stone Already on the border

Wolfie Bit wet from her Dash through the field Distortion Though it be on land It can be wet That is what The medieval people said

Distortion should be wide Distortion should be deep Distortion should be wet Distortion is full of meeps Well, in this case Took a beat, but I can't change the word Just because that would have almost rhymed

It's full of turnips, that's the medieval word for turnips Of course, Scottish people still use it As they are stuck In medieval times, they're very backward Not like us forward thinking English stone clearers who have a trowel Thought of having a trowel, just used it And I throw a little

I'd say a small, small, medium stone And stand it way into the roots of the trees An easy jet makes its way From Luton Heading north Maybe going to Scotland itself Where of course

It will be Attacked by Wooden arrows Fired from ineffective bows As the Scotch people Wonder what the Metal bird in the sky Could possibly be

I say that, but Very good at clearing stones, those guys Hadrian's wall They cleared all the stones out of Scotland And piled them up At the edge of England Old Adrian One of the best Scottish

Scots from Luton you'll ever see He did it And his wall bears its name Even though he did it in secret And that's what I'm hoping to achieve here That obviously My wall will stand longer than Aging stone, which is already trolling down

It's been a couple of great thousand years, isn't it? Pathetic So we're up to the Cairn opposite the main Cairn now If you're wondering how far we've got I think I've cleared four stones Maybe five or six It's been a Pickens a slim

Just found another stone there Looks like it might have been Man carved, but I think it's just the weather has made it look a little Like it has decoration on it I feel a bit sick, had a bit of a big breakfast No, stone stars around the corner Well

I've been coming out a bit later Usually they're late So perhaps they're not compared to me at this time Perhaps they've been put off by the inclement weather Hollybushes Just throwing the stone into Hollybush First sign of Christmas Christmas can't begin until the stone has been thrown

into Hollybush That's what Christmas Cannot begin But a photon Has been Into a Hollybush Been thrown to give the correct Fage wisdom

I was almost writing all these down For a while there was a stone crane website That was doing it Perhaps it's been caught by the same starsy And had their work stopped Perhaps they just got bored It's difficult to know If you write these down

There will be a test Don't be useful for me Just remember in case I forget them Even though they're not mine So where you going Wolfie Harris Oh that's a nice big stone In the path As it goes

On a roll now Three or four stones Within a space of 10 to 15 feet Getting cocky because of the lack of Stone starsy around You don't have to Watch out remember when that one came right up behind me Oh

Chasers falling down I want to invent something that can keep Chasers up Something to look into science Some kind of system And What can you hear now It's just a heavy clump of

Tired footsteps There's some nice stones here In the path I've somehow missed in the path Maybe just now it's A bit damp I can get them out a bit more easily Got a good Somewhere on the border

Between small and medium here In my hand that's going to the singing ringing tree Which is approaching Well to be fair I'm approaching it But Some medieval scientists did believe That we just stood still

Lifted our Feet up and down and the world Moved beneath us which isn't Too far from the truth They compared it at the medieval Scientists to like a Hanabara cartoon Where the background moves they did have those

They weren't obviously More live action cartoons You would go to the theatre And you would see the cartoons Whoopee Stop That's one of these birds I'm doing a funny bit about

And the background of the theatre would move And that's how Medieval science built the world And they were laughter And burned to the stake But now modern day scientists Are moving very quickly So presumably

If we can lift Our feet off the ground When we put it down The world has moved onwards And indeed Things are coming towards us Rather than vice versa also Just spotted

First stone starsies Of the day Approach to Custfield towards the court One It could be John Lennon when he saw John Lennon Cap Might be John Lennon It's a sprightly for an 80 year old

And someone who looks like a child dressed in red Could be a small mollock Plum hair Could be a woman They're often small They're very far away so John Lennon Being pursued by a child Or a woman he would be used to the latter

Can't see any dogs Ah there's one John Lennon just waved Backwards I think They're too far in the distance Ready to see me I can see them

Oh and two more stone starsies Approaching giants From the distance they look To be at least 15 feet tall They're a long way in the distance Yet they're very very tall Two of them one in red one in black Perhaps that's today's uniform

The red Stone starsie nearby Has revealed herself to be A middle aged woman Great hair John Lennon is off the field While they're influx In terms of these giants are coming

And where they're going As they get a bit closer they're looking less giant actually Which is weird isn't it Science would tell us if you get closer You'll look bigger If you'll look bigger further away And The red jacketed

Lady Slash Moloch Slash Child Is heading along the central part Oh and it's a hat not a hair So they might be young and they look Or a very bad bald cap it could be Makes their head look grey

Does certainly put me In a tricky position These are the Chequeering any stones Hello shoes Looking away at the moment so I'm just And the other two are not quite

On the field so I could just take this one up These two But like one but it's two They go badly thrown but they're us Or if you better stay on the Field I think they may have time to walk just right These two giants who

Getting ever smaller the closer they come They're starting to talk They're talking to John Lennon That might give me a chance to knit through There's a jogger coming through as well This is like Piccadilly Circus Hey John Lennon

Closer up looks a bit more like A young lady Looking Looking over But I can't do any stone clings Come on There dog loose Loosing the caboose

Shame I'm walking over A lot of stones here I'm going to clear some more That was nicely cleared to let them throw It's forced into the left hand throw By the presence of stone stars They just ducked underneath the hedge Because they could

Just clear one Simple stone Come loose So I've got to keep an eye out for those guys They might come up behind me I'm in front Already red Fire in wooden bows

And arrows at me I'm firing a bow at me It gives me a bow I can then shoot back the arrows Foolish I'm not 100% sure if she's Scotch But that would suggest it A big shout out to my Scotch Breven

Of course they won't be able to hear this Having no internet In their backward country But it's nice to acknowledge A brilliant play from I just saw a beauty I'm guarding all sides It's like

I'm just Being What's the word As I pass through I've got an honor guard in front and behind Just like the police The pop bands I mean

Guiding me through, making sure I don't get up to any Oh they made a terrible mistake Oh what a bad move In the human game of chess They've turned They're going straight on on the diagonal Like the bishops we are at the moment They have

With a rook The bird And headed as the rook flies Along the edge of the ocean Perhaps scared to go out into the ocean When it's wet less they be swept away by a wave People who followed Moses To the promised land

That's what I feel like now I'm heading to the promised land To feel clear of stones They're too scared to follow me with a jogger It's coming and they are Those guys may have gone by the way But they can still see me I'm still taking up a one stone

Because I don't want the skin across the field to be wasted They're jogging with a dog He's heading up behind me So they do have all bases covered It's the honor guard Another rotting bee They've been dug up by Passing people

By their feet I think They're now littering the field It's a mess out here I'm hoping that a quick right turn At the central can Which I'm just putting on A sort of medium sized stone I'm learning falcon

If you're interested in this shape And I will hope that The jogger Has his Confused by this move I'm able to follow me Let's see Actually

He may have changed course as well I can't see him I hope maybe he's gone along the edge Ah well What a to do Very poor stone clearing today I'm sorry about that But I think you agree

Some amazing chat Some amazing xenophobia And some amazing rhymes Back from medieval times I'm hoping they're providing knowledge To you I won't bother repeating them So familiar to most of us

That one Meeting is enough And may have shaken off The worst of the stones starting now Heading down This route that traditionally is Two years now more or less we've been doing this I must check the date of the first stone clearing

Podcast I think it was October 2018 A happier time Imagine if I'd been able to warn you I could have done a new one that was coming of course The stones have told me Don't tell any of the people listening

The things they're telling you You don't want to hear what's happening in 2021 I can tell you that right now I know and it's not good Hey Jumping up A couple of stones I'll fix up for the Comings Memorial Cairn

I'm going to try and pick up my ammo For the stone pole closer to Closer to the stone pole Let's see how that works out Oh yeah 2021 If you thought 2020 was bad 2021 has a little Kick in the balls for you my friends

Or the vagina The ovaries perhaps Kick in the ovaries for you If you're a lady Kick in the balls How have you identified There'll be a kick in Something tender

In the genital region How about that Does that include everyone Those without a genital region There'll be a kick in Just The eye And oh god

I haven't got an eye either Whatever is your most tender spot Which must be most of you if you don't have any of those things There'll be a kick coming to you my friends And good luck Good luck with your troubles I hope that was inclusive enough Right we're at Dominic Cummings Cairn

The scarf still Proudly around The marker The cairn that never grows Dominic Cummings cairn is somewhere in these There's a couple of conkers on there Still the same size as always of course As it must be and always shall be

Must be shall Let's pick up a few stones from here Two stones we need three more Just getting these from the path But As it's so wet it's a little easier to dig out Well that's a little one I thought that was going to be big But it's come that little

That's not good The marksmanship has been a bit off of late I think you can agree I'm hoping for better today Let's hope for five out of five today That's my bet Of course he's on the lead which makes it a bit easier for me to just check No one's around

Okay one went fairly awry Or two hit the pole next to the pole And three has hit the pole Could still be three out of five No that was the wrong pole one out of four Oh There were big stones one out of five ladies and gentlemen I'm very sorry about that

Do remember to subscribe And Definitely using your Amazon Prime membership At twitch.tv.rk Or become a monthly badger go fast Fast badgers do it right now And the terrible luck that one out of five will give you To your day

And much of the bad luck coming in 2021 Will be abated By you making an offering Any kind of cash offering to me Should do it By a DVD download You can buy my book the problem with it I'm going to pre-order that right now

And that should take away a lot of the bad luck With that one out of five Some people suggest that I'm deliberately missing the pole In order to get bad luck So that you have to spend money I would just like to point out that I would not do that Out of pride The pride of being good at throwing a stone

At a pole From a distance of almost two meters Okay Lady in red has crossed here Two little dogs I think they're waiting for me Which will make clearing and extending Difficult

They're heading out into the field a little bit And I must be giants Morning, alright Thanks Right I'll keep her away Alright What do I know

It's a Douglas lady Behind those two It's actually It's starting off looking like a Starzy free day The photography here In large numbers Causing me quite a lot of problems

Only cleared Five stones there for the Stone pole Only cleared eight stones In the last Ten, fifteen minutes Nine, she includes One I threw off at the corner

Nine stones since the corner of the field The stone size behind me She's taken a wrong turn She looked like she would come down here and then reconsidered So we are free To Fill the Brexit ditch Remember, Brexit hasn't officially

Happened yet Still chance As long as you're putting stones into your Brexit ditch every day There's still time to avert that disaster It's the ditch that cured Covid as well The ditch that welcomed immigrants There's a lot of things it's doing

It's working hard And can't be expected to do them all at once We're spending a lot on it We're spending a lot on it Just need to find a stone for that Ditch I'm going to take a little hassle off Can't see anything out here

It's a good sign isn't it There's some There's some little ones So you'll count four little stones equals one Small stone Into the ditch they go We just need an offering for that Half an armour you can

Then we can get on to your emails Just as we head home I'm going to pick up a couple of things A path here for the Alphanon again That's all it was isn't it I've had an email in From Brian Birch

New First time I've had an email from him I think He says I was watching Your video feed Last week I don't know why I'll keep the secret It's on YouTube

Herring 1967 but no one knows Stone stars you must never find out I noticed there was a lot of discussion about Drainage Removing stones causing problems For drainage I want to get into that again We've covered this before

But It doesn't matter to me If the stones are providing a function for the farmer The farmers can't even be bothered To get their crop in So I don't think they're too worried about drainage I hope that it will be An actual fetid swamp

Of water and soil but no stone That's what I'm aiming for If that bothers you I'm heading down Duckett's Passage Going back to the 21st century Back in the 21st century And so thank you Brian For asking about that

But I think we covered it Do watch the videos They do go live on Usually Friday mornings They won't really be much announcement I try to keep them as secret as possible We do not really want people watching them To get up to 900 views

So You know That's what it's Worries to me Worrying and worrisome Back on the street now Let's see whatever What an amy palette

Is Being in touch Hi Richard, I'm an 18 year old Stone clearing fanatic Please see Attached by Sending these in 18 year old Women, it's not appropriate Is it okay

For You're old enough Literally to be my grandfather That's true I mean maybe I'm guessing I'd have sex in a 16 Which I do

Possible I suppose But not plausible And yet I find Your ability to clear stones Very arousing I didn't realise what this is Amy palette Come on

I'm trying to just Get on with my god's work here And I don't need you tempting me With your earthly stones I think we'll wrap it up there Look it's not that it's I'm pretty upset about what I've just read Looking at the scene

And I have to go and think about it quite hard On my own for a while And see Ten minutes from the stone gods So thanks to keep emailing And not that stuff And goals Come on, time to get some food, come on

Come on Do what you do Come on I have to talk to another stupid officer And do what this is It's not my choice Do you keep sound clearing Do you keep your questions coming

Sorry if I couldn't get your email today So many emails coming in about I'm sorry I wasted it on Going to Lots of really good ones here actually Brain kibble In touch Spider-man

Water bowl Still a bit in touch Not time to redo emails unfortunately Simon tap That's been in touch Not time to do the good email Simon Alright, here's Wolfie's water

Good doggie carbs Let me trip over there Dog bastard's got a little bit of water in there Oh dear, that's the start to my day See you around kids Enjoy your stunt here And beach Living to the stone

Living to the stone And they in turn Are living To you My friend My fine friend Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Started meeting Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog

Plus various stone starvee giants And tiny moorlocks John Lennon was there as well For a bit wasn't he A jogger There was quite a few of them out there wasn't there today It was good, the music is by Mike Coffgrave The voice of the Potons is Mike or Faheen

Living to the stone My friend And they fouting Year merry does Don't live Don't live To the birth And truth

Don't live To your underhand Living To the stone Living To the stone And they in turn Are living

To you My friend My fine friend