Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 81

Episode Date: October 27, 2020

Chapter 81 - The Lord'f My Fhepherd. It's 7.59am on, let me work it out, the 27th October 2020. The harvest has had to happen by now, right? Right??? Another dip into the book of medieval stone clearing mottos PLUS the great ftone hymnal comes into play. All that plus the stone pole, a shape-shifting octopus woman and Richard forgetting to do the singing, ringing tree on the one say it would probably have worked. Download RHLSTP 300 to give some money to Refuge: http://rhlstp.co.uk/300 Make a donation to Movember to thank Richard and the Stone Gods for all that they do for you: http://rhlstp.co.uk/movember

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello my fine friends, welcome to Stone Clearing chapter 81. It's exactly 7.59 a.m. It is exactly, I don't know what day it is, Wednesday, Tuesday, 30, 29, 27. Let's go look at my phone, it's right here obviously. 27th I got it, bang on. I'm like a rain man for dates. I just worked it out from its Halloween on Saturday, I worked backwards to Tuesday. That was my working out, that's how I could do it with such incredible, almost unnatural speed. That's one of my skills, one of my many skills. So, what are you doing Wolfie Harris, come here. Come here done. Come here.

Come here you prick. You're not going anywhere till you come here. I'm crying out loud. I'm sorry I called you a prick Wolfie, another prick. Something out there, you want to see what's going on? You're not letting me go crazy. There's nothing there, that is a man. He's a long way away. Come on. Wolfie, what's that about? It's not from the house. Come on. Come on, Luke. Good. So yes, here we are.

We're heading up Duckett's Passage, and remember when we pass under the marriage power, that is when we're transported back to possibly medieval times. There's no way of knowing. There are no calendars where we're going. Strapping. This is an adventure where anything can happen and we're through. That's exciting, isn't it? Wolfie. Sorry there was no video done clear last week, I just forgot. I forgot to do it, my wife bought the dog on Friday.

Bacon and eggs for breakfast. And here we are at Stotion. When will it be harvested? Will it ever be harvested, Wolfie, do you think? I'm not sure. I'll just use my trowel to pick up the stone for the... Oh, Wolfie is very desperate for a wee. Wolfie, come here. Wolfie, if you come here, when will you learn you're a clever dog? If you come here, I'll let you off and you can run around doing poo poo. That's how it's done. Yes, it was fun, wasn't it?

I don't think they're harvesting these beets. They look like they've been ready for a long time. They don't seem to be growing any bigger. Maybe there's just no call for beets in the COVID world. I'm just letting them rot. But who will think of the stone clear as passing the triphid? Giving it a wide berth, there it is. So there's a bit of precipitation in the air today, it's slightly raining.

No one around us yet. I don't even hear the rain. Is that crackling like space dust in my ears? Picking up a stone. Cost that under a bush. My work there is partially done. What have I got to talk to you about this week? I mean, I will just mention it's unlikely that this will add much to the causes.

I know you're interested in stone clearing, not talking to people talking to comedians, but Rehealist for 300 is currently, even though 299 is not yet out, it's currently available to download for a donation to Refuge. You also get 30 minutes of bonus material. It's me as a guest. We do talk about stone clearing, actually, so you might want to listen. Remember it's the character of Richard Herring in the Rehealist, who's trying to make out it's some kind of artistic enterprise, rather than genuine attempts to clear all the stones.

Just to create a character I play, this is the real Richard Herring. And if you go to Rehealist.co.uk slash 300 in numerals, just 300 for the rest of it in, that'd be crazy. You can download that for £8, you get half an hour of extra questions, and you also get entered into a draw to win a Rehealist for Rubik's Cube. Possibly some stone clearing merch, I don't know what fun it would be, can they? So, do check that out. Rehealist for Jumper, also, and offer on eBay, Herring, 1967.

The main's coming down. Half-term, so kids at home that managed to fub them off on the wife, and pretends that the dog needed a walkie-up is not really a pretence. It's a good excuse for getting out here, spending as much time out here as possible, away from... Where you going, Wolfie? What are you doing? Oh, I see what you're up to, there's a grouse. And Wolfie thinks she can fly and catch it, and she's very wrong.

But that's the thing, you always chase after your dreams. Some people said it was impossible that I should clear this field of stones. Did it stop me? No, I wanted to prove them wrong. And Wolfie, people have told her she can't fly, but she thinks she can. That's good enough for me. Grouse. Duckle grouse, remember that sign? Sign on pubs.

Oh, and then nice use of the trowel there to bring up quite a chunky stone, and also just a tiny flat. Drops it and goes back and get it, and get it off there, it's off. Once you touch a stone, there are no rules to stone-claim. That's rule one of stone-claim rules. Second rule is if you touch a stone and drop it, you must pick it up and throw it off. Unless, of course, you're interrupted by the moment the stone starts in, and you're about to dump and return at a later date.

I haven't been doing enough of the rules recently. I do appreciate that. I've been contending myself with many evil sayings about stone-clearing. I hope someone's writing them all down, collecting them. They're ashamed that they were lost to the world. Many of them are just in my brain, nowhere else. Pass down from generation to generation. We must pass down.

We must oath from generation to generation. For if you do not, it will be an aberration for the saying shall be lost, lost for all time. So try to remember the sayings. That's why we've put them in a rhyme. That's the first one really. I don't know why I've never done that one before. It's at the front of the Book of Mottos that is now lost and only in people's minds. I've got to be careful here.

This is the point where traditionally a woman sneaks up behind me, surprises me, and acts as if I'm mental. I won't have to do that again. Some holly growing there on the bush. We're going to head round past the singing ring entry today. I'm going to hear the rain falling on my North Face jacket, beautifully expelling the water away from my body, propelling it away, and hardly getting wet itself.

It's almost like a magical cloak that dispels rain, just drips off and disappears, if you will. North Face. It keeps rain off everything but your face. There's even lawns with the hoods to cover your face, to cover everything else. And your legs a bit.

It's not so important. That's the new slogan I'm working on for North Face. Still in North Face, still not been in touch. But he's got to start feeling guilty about all of this. Obviously he's getting chucked in a couple of million. Pretty soon, I think. I do pressure him. He's not responding to any of my letters or emails.

Or to me shouting outside his bedroom window, where's my two million quid, mate? A bit of some kind of grain growing there at the edge of the field. Confused as to why there's more there. Why is this bloody beet still all over the place? Okay, and a question you may can, get some nice little additional stone. And another.

I hope you can hear that clink. The beautiful clink, stone upon stone. It's better than the chink of bone upon bone. It's the noise, noise that we hear when we're clearing the stones for tones. And I know I've rhymed stones with stones, but stones. That's another one for tones, another one. That's not as a successful one. Some of them, just the medieval people,

were just jamming to see what came out often. They'd been eating bread made from fields with slightly dark drugs on them. And sometimes they're just not as good as others. But sometimes they do give us a real wisdom. Oh, that's a beauty of a stone. Look at that. That was just in the path all this time, hidden away. Oh, he's excited.

She wants to chase it. She found it's gone with the undergrowth. Some exciting stuff ahead here. Some exciting stuff going on. And we move, and we fly. We'll be like, come on. Have you got a poo yet? You've got to do a poo, darling.

That's what we're out here for. Ostensibly. Nobody around, maybe the rain putting the stone stars off. Sitting cosy in there. Old bit of errant Roman villa there. Haven't seen so much of that recently. Thought I'd cleared the whole thing. Roll down hill a little bit from its position.

They're all safe in there. Nazi shrines. Nazi shrines here. Fine, they're Nazi shrines. Looking forward to the re-election of President Trump. Good luck to him, I say. There's a man I reckon will use secretly. I know he's probably on the same side.

I don't know. I hope he doesn't win. Joe Biden probably does something. That's why he's often busy. Well, is this going to be the first stone tower in a while where I'm interrupted by humanity? Perhaps I've travelled back to a time before man existed. I don't know how all these beets got planted in very straight rows,

but possible, anything is possible. And stopping for another stone. Still stone, stone upon stone. Stones had fallen, stones on stones, stones on stones. Again, rhyming stones with stones. In the bleak November, long, long agones. And gones, of course, medieval. Four stones.

They were long, long stones. We also call them tones. Four stones sometimes. I think they forgot that they had to change S's for F's, which I sometimes do. It was a confusing language. The medieval Anglo-Saxon language. Again, no one around.

I'm seeing no one around as I pick up another. Looks like a pair of siblings have jumped in those for a while. Maybe triplets here. I'll keep them all together just in case. Roughly speaking, they're all in the same basic area. We'll be trying to grab one of them, but it fails. Oh, is that a person in the distance? Some kind of blob moving towards me.

It might not be a person. Could be... Moving away, in fact. Could be Sasquatch. Thapquatch. Moving away into the trees, looking around, seeing me carrying on its lulliping journey into the trees. No one will believe what I've seen.

Unfortunately, I haven't filmed it. Another stone off the field, one more closer to the target. What you have to remember with stones is though it feels like they reproduce and perhaps they do, they don't reproduce, even though perhaps they do. So everyone you get off one closer to your target unless they reproduce. But if you can get them all off, then they can only reproduce at the edge

unless they're able to shoot out stones like a cannon from the edge of the field back onto the field. But if they can, and some scientists think they can, then that just means you... I think actually the Sasquatch is coming this way. And now, again, it's more like the monster from carrying on screaming, Oddbod. So sorry for that misidentification.

Just seen a loose stone that's going off the field. He's out of sight now, the Oddbod. Might be Oddbod Junior, they're very similar from distance. Good to know if you haven't seen it. Might slightly impact on clearing in this second corner. That's second, not second, I'm saying there. It is the second corner, that's because the third corner has reached. And now actually looking, it looks more like an octopus-headed woman

or more like an octopus's head, with tendrils coming down. So once again, just from a... My eyesight's not great from a distance, might as well be a person. I don't know if they've got a dog there. They might have, they're giving a treat to some kind of animal and they've stopped. Perhaps intimidated by being alone.

Mano and Mano out on the field. Some of these stanklers aren't scared of me. They don't know how I've survived so long. The mysterious disappearance of some of the old Lady Stone starsy. I mean, I think they've realized natural causes, but I think people believe that I have managed to fight them off somehow. Which I probably could do, if I came to it. I only got run over by a mobility skater last week.

I'm not on the field, out in the streets, but it may have been my nemesis. I thought how much you would laugh if that's how I died. Thanks a lot for your fucking sympathy, bastards. I just wasn't looking where she's going, trying to reverse out of a pub. And didn't look round to see me standing there. Going quite a lick.

Could have not mean to traffic. Anything could have happened. Could have been a warning. Could have been a genuine attempt on my life. This woman coming right behind us. Well played stone starsy. Just one lone stone starzy takes our whole five to ten minutes of stone clearing. In the most second part, not second part of second,

and literally nothing I can do. So, on we go. I'm going to just kick this stone a little bit closer to the middle. If you will, foot close, foot further away from being off the field for some people. That's all I can do. I haven't got a mirror, so I can't see how close she is. So I'm going to just talk to her without moving my little skill I have.

By the way, she tricked me. All the money from Twitch in November will be going to Movember, which is a charity for male causes such as to stick your prostate cancer sort of thing. Mental health is covered in there as well. So, it's a good month to subscribe if you want to take some of Ian Amazon's money. It is an octopus woman. Might just be a woman along here, but possibly a shapeshifter, because how is it possible one person could look like so many different things.

I've managed to pick up a stone, so it's not been a fruitless journey across the field. I'm going to kick her and then go away. So yes, please subscribe. If you can subscribe with Ian Amazon's money, that'd be great. If you want to just give me some money for the Twitch stream this month, please go to www.rehalasdp.co.uk slash Movember with a lowercase m. And you can make a donation if you think the Twitch stream is worth some money and would like to donate to charity.

Any sum is fine, but also we can make Ian Amazon pay back some of the billions. A good cause. If you just link your Amazon Prime and get Amazon gaming accounts, it's explained at my YouTube channel Herring 1967. And I think on the front page of twitch.tv slash RKM. So, that's something you can do if you don't want to download Rehalasdp. 300. The main part of the podcast, by the way, we'll just go up as usual for free. So, if you can't afford to pay £8 to Refuge, that is cool.

And you will still get to hear that podcast if you want to. Just not the extra bit. Oh, my stars. Right, heading down the hill. This is where philosophy generally happens. Not so much these days, but in the early days of stone clearing. Gonna pick up a little bit of ammo for the stone pole here. Some nice stone pole sized stones.

I'll set those in a pocket. Right, well, so I can even come off. We've got literally one stone star here perhaps today and we're very distant. It's very much in the distance. And I hope I can do it on the stone pole than I have on average recently. I think I had a good one last time. That five last ones did stand quite close though. The rain's still chasing down like the splatters of urine from a drunken stone god.

Hovering over the bowl after a late night. Waking up to urinate, to mixtureate. If stone gods do piss on us. Every single day, but we still fulfill. Do our bidding for it is written. And so we say. Piss on us, oh stone gods. Piss, oh piss, away.

Your piss won't put us off. If I'll be for time clearing every day. And we love you stone gods. We worship you. Oh, for time God. We wish that we were with you in your. In your Valhalla world of clubs. Some people say your thoughts, but we think you are okay.

Yes, it's unusual we have used that word, but it was vernacular in our day. Oh stone God. Oh stone God. We worship you and say. Please help us find a photon so we may worship you in this way. It's an old stone clearing him. So I dropped the stone pathway through so. I'm slightly interrupted if you were trying to record that off the radio like you did with the charts back in the day.

It's good to put in a few. It's like that home taping me singing those songs is killing the chart positions and things like that. So right here we are at the same profit. You enjoyed the tongue for tongue. This is our wolfies playing goalkeeper again. Put her off or just just knit the edge with a big stone one out of missed one out of two. Two out of three. That was bang on the left side.

Oh that's off two out of four. Literally 50 50. It's all down to this last one. Wolfie. Wolfie's in the way, but I'm pretty sure we heard the click. It's going to Hawkeye and it's a hit is three out of five. Three out of five. Not bad.

I'm just out of celebration. I'm going to throw one from a long way over arm. That one doesn't count. That was just for fun. So Wolfie excited. Three out of five. That's good luck. So if you choose to subscribe to my Twitch channel at this point or also the monthly batch money from this month is going to November.

So go fast and strike dot com slash badges. If you want to become a member, get lots of bonus material and a badge membership card. And this month to help out November. I'm giving the whole of November to chat to you. I'm just a great guy. I guess. I guess that's all you could say about me. And if you've had a nice year, considering if things have gone okay for you, considering maybe think about giving a little bit back in whichever way you feel you want to not to me to try and find your own thing.

I'll keep my things for me. I can give some money. Onward. Onward. Onward for Tom Clearing. People. Clearing stones in the field. For the love of Gifford who stone cleared before us.

We feel. Stone craft. A very good work from the stone stars here. Just right in the Alfa and Omegle corner. There's an understanding waiting. And now it's like the Truman show. He's realized I'm coming. He started moving.

He has a dog with him. Pretending to be on the phone. Classic. He may stop me giving the Brexit ditch. This could be the moment that causes Brexit. If Brexit happens, it could be because this man is in my way. But I think looking at it. We should pass just before the Brexit ditch and then I can.

I'm actually going to pop that into the field. They often do this and they don't realize it helps me clear the field. They say I've got a bit of cover behind the weeds now. There's a stone I can pick it up. There is one. I did want that thing going to be on the floor. There is one. It's a good one that can go in the Brexit ditch.

And flip it in the pocket. So you don't see what I'm doing. Come on, girl. Good girl. Morning. Good girl. Pardon? It is and it's horrible again.

It always is. Some more weather. It's the weather banter guy. Not such a nice morning. It's good to have the weather report you just as I haven't noticed. And here we head back through these deep weeds. But I have a beautiful Brexit stone in my pocket. Brexit is not happening.

My friends are not on my watch. I don't know if I can find that stone. It's here. Let's just sail to the bottom of my pocket. It's not such a nice day today. That's the kind of banter we have out here in the countryside. You might be in your city thinking, well, we've got shops that open all the time.

Go to the restaurant anytime we want. We've been COVID regulations. But you don't get banter like that, do you? You're not allowed to talk to your neighbours about what the weather's like. You've been shot if you've tried that in London. Yeah. You know I've got you. You know I've got you.

So coming up to the Alphanombe camp once again. It passes so fast at the time. Time for some of your emails. Rain. Actually rain is the first name of one of the guys from the office, isn't it? So that is a, if you're thinking that's a bit of an odd first name, it isn't. Rain Wilson has been in touch. I might be the same one.

To say, are there any stone clearing hymns at all? You talk about it as if it's a religion. I wonder, did anyone ever write any hymns? Yeah, they did rain. I mean, it's weird again. That so often happens in the emails. It's almost like, I don't read them before. And I'm just, I'm just reading the ones that are coming in as we're doing the podcast.

If I, if I tried to, if they're just scrolling like that, you have to stop it. And it's just all constantly 24 hours a day, herring967atgmail.com. Most of them just from 18 year old women and men are sending me pictures, making pictures, again, however much I say, do not send those to herring967atgmail.com. People still do. That one's just come through. And it's weird the way from Rain Wilson from the office. We're going through the marriage bar again.

Maybe I'll take a picture of the marriage bar so you know what we're doing. I can actually see the modern world beyond it. I'll just stop my next video. Even though we're in medieval times, still standing medieval times. A wolfie is in the modern world. And that's a great picture for you to see, to see the road. And I'm going under. Oh, I'm back in your time.

Amazing that email still come through to medieval time. In a lot of ways, the time travel thing does not work, but it's true in a lot of time travel. Entertainment. So yeah, there are some hymns. They're out for another gig. I'm back in the street now so it's risky. Morning.

The alpha and I'm a big God is my chef. I don't want to eat coffee. God doesn't look after his sheep. He lets them run around all over the town. I wish somebody better than him would look after them. Someone's taking down a tree next door. So maybe a tree care if you want to get in touch with them. Let's see if he's in my garden.

Sounds like he is. Hi wolves. They're just doing some necessary tree husbandry next door. Coming down. Coming down, isn't it? Coming down town. Smith is inside the house. It's a middle.

You're right to bark at a morphe. They're taking a tree down. First thing in the morning. Right, well, I hope you enjoyed today's Potomaclear. Thanks for the email, Lane Wilson. Good luck with your career. Also, the end of the galaxy quest. Yeah, we're going to have some food.

What's wrong? What's that? What are you upset about? Just cleaning my fingernails. Because I've got dirt in them. That's just what happens to stonefish. Right, go, go. We'll see you.

My kids are coming. See you later. Yeah. My friend. My pine friend. Stonecloom with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring, and Wolfie the Dog, plus the octopus-headed, shapeshifting woman and the man who makes jokes about the weather.

The jokes are just him saying what the weather is, but it's still funny. The music is by Mark Coffray. The voice of the Potomaclear is Michael Fee. Believe it or not you can't. Turn to the throne, and they in turn, Fowl liver to ye, my friend, my fine friend.