Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 86

Episode Date: December 2, 2020

Chapter Eighty-Fix - The Darkneff. It's 5.10pm on the 1st December 2020 and night has fallen. Richard braves the ghost-ridden field, which is too scary even for the Ftone Ftafi for his first dedicated night clear and the conditions are atrocious. The farmer has driven their tractor all over the path and the central part of the stocean is like quite slow quick sand, but more soily. Will our hero get out alive? And how do you see stones in the dark? And what becomes of the beets when they rot? Desiccated or slimy? Plus a beet joke to lighten the mood. It's terrifying, like a horror film. You'll love it. Sponsored by Limilo: https://www.northeasttechnologypark.com/netpark-companies/limilo/

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello there, welcome to Stone Clearing by 86, 87, 86 and 86. It's the 1st of December 2020, it's 5.10pm. So it's a slightly unusual night trying to clear, I haven't had one of these for a while. Today's episode is set last week, sponsored by Limilo. This is from Jolly and Brown, says I may have had a couple of drinks when backing this and had to persuade the accountant that yes, it makes perfect sense for a tech company interested in AI to advertise on a stone clearing podcast.

Maybe we'd make a robot stone clear. Is it cheating to clear a field with a robot that looks exactly like a stone clear? You ask some good questions. Limilo, if for all your AI needs, I may be getting in touch with them myself. I think what they've done is cleverly let me know that they exist and then I'll be looking for robots. But anyway, here we are, so it's night time. It's dark, there's cars whizzing past.

Stay here Wolves. The very special set of skills required to clear at night, mainly not getting run over on the way to the field. Sorry, the station. Hard to spot the stones. Hard to spot the stone Stasi. Equally hard for them to spot you, of course. I'd feel like we haven't done one of these for a while.

You occasionally see sparks fly. There's the tons hit the cairns. It's going to be exciting. That's for sure. Up to its passage we head. Leaves on the ground, littering the ground. Bit tired this week, not been sleeping very well. And I'm trying to fit a lot in.

No video stone clearing for a little while. I'll never let you down on the audio, you know that. Oh, Limello. Sounds like a good company. I'll try and get their web address in the description for anyone wanting to give them £200 worth of business. So, the torch light is picking out the solution. I need to plug this torch back in.

All right wolves, come here, I'll let you off. Come here, I'll let you off. Wolfie, come here. Divots where the farm machinery has been driving over the soil. Not many stones, here's one. Here's a couple, it's hard to see them. Tiny, tiny stones but they're going on the up and on where you can. Throwing them from quite a distance.

Yeah, it's going to be very hard to see anything out here in the mud. Spotlight picks up leaves. I remember this. You remember from the early chapters. Is that a stone? I found a stone. Off it goes. Leaves, cobwebs, beets, all of them are designed to fool you.

Weeds do keep a lookout. And of course, people can pop out from nowhere. Dogs can pop out from nowhere. It's a recipe for disaster. When a torch runs out, it's going to get scary. Oh, there's lots of stones here. You've got to look really carefully. You've got to look really closely.

You've got to keep your wits about you. Even though it's 5'10", the darkness gives the vagabonds courage. And you never know what will happen to you out here. Come on, good girl. I've cleared about 5 or 6 stones already. I'm not even more than 30 metres into the field. It's going to be a good day. What's that?

That's a beet. When will that stop? Some fairy lights in the garden. If someone there distracted me. Try not to look into any other light source. My eyes will become used to the dark. So if you've got a torch, that helps. The stone clear as the past did not have the luxury of a USB powered torch.

They sometimes could carry flaming brands. But of course, it draws attention to you as well. I'm out a little in the social, which of course is much easier to do. That's a stone or a beet. That's a beet. Look at that. That's a beet. That's a stone.

Whoops. Look at that. We're out some way. We're hassle-huffing like crazy. Still close enough to just toss that to the side. Oh, that's a stone. I thought that was a beet. That's a beauty.

Oh, to see that in the dark. It's covered in mud. Same colour as the ground. But heavy. It's like a newborn child. It's heavier than that, really. It's condensed a couple of newborn children into this shape of a stone. About half the size of one newborn baby.

I think it'd be about that heavy. We don't do that. Let's just give you an example of how heavy and what size it was. That's a... Throw it off. I think it's a beet, but, you know, it's confused me. I'm getting it out of the way. That won't confuse me again.

Well, it's super exciting in the dark. And you can transgress. Now, Wolfie's picked up that beet and has brought it back onto the field. So, as much as I thought it wouldn't get me again, it has got me again. Here it is again. She's getting bolder in her anti-stone clearing ways, though the joke's on her because she thinks that's a stone,

but it's not. Another couple of good little small mediums, but satisfyingly chunky ones. They're off. And you sort of suppose anyone else on this field will welcome that with a torch, which should give you warning they're coming, but it won't always be the case. So, keep your wits about you.

So, the tractor tracks here are slungy and deep. The stones are buried. I'll get back to the path. The tractor's been right round onto the path. I've had to come onto the verge for fear of slipping over. If you fall in the dark, you might not be discovered till morning. So, do take care out here. The hazards.

Will we take the long way round today or cut across the field? I'm not sure. I need to walk really. I'm making a lot of snacks today. Try and assuage by tiredness after a good month. I've been pretty good laid off the booze. Maybe I'll come back today. I don't know.

Maybe I'll never drink again. No Twitcher fun this week due to a filming commitment, but I might still be doing the taskmaster watch along. If I'm home in time. We'll have us to pair Wednesday. Matt LaWood should be fun. Rob Gilbert next week. Luke Conran next week after that.

We can't really take a break for Christmas because we haven't got enough podcasts. It's time last year, about 5th, 30th, 40th podcasts in the can. Start putting them out two a week. What a young idiot I was. Thanks very much if you subscribed on Twitch or by Badges in November. We've just given almost £10,000 to November from your Badge and Subs. Do subscribe again for us. It's free money for the Amazon Prime thing.

It would be lovely if you could be asked to just come back every month and re-subscribe. It's easier once you've done it once. It's just clicking a button. Right, I'm clear of anything through the levels. Do a lot of track to tracks. Wow, I've really been doing donuts out here on the field with the farmer. I'm going to go the long way for the extra walk. The extra chats and the extra stones.

I've just spotted a couple of little tiddlers. Onto the can opposite the main can. I'm not feeling scared. Sometimes I worry about ghosts at night time out here in the dark. It's not pitch black yet. The light of the moon perhaps in the distance still hasn't really properly come up. But I do have to keep my eyes on the path because it's very, very churned up by the attractors. How's this field?

It's almost like the farmers come here furiously, attempting to stop anyone clearing stones by burying them in trenches. But there's one. It's off. Off the field wolves. Leave it. Here's another one. Now it's a stone. Wolfie, come here.

I'd like to be out there in the solution, but I feel the deep rivets are too dangerous. The fuck is this draft farm been doing out here? I think I've spotted a stone. But have I? Have I spotted a stone? No, it's a really moldy bit of beet. I touched it with my human finger. And now I feel like a fool.

This is how the coronavirus got started. This is me, this time last year. So come up to see a green tree looking for some ammo. Very hard to see stones in the dark. That's what I'm remembering. Got one. Yeah, that's a nice one. Those are the fairies all of that.

This would be typical if they turned up now. There's a chill in the air. It's becoming an ice cold stones of winter. It should soon be with us. So we didn't really experience them much last winter. You may remember. Into the singing ring and treat a couple of stones. No action from the fairies.

And on we go. Not looking forward to crossing this field. I have to do at some point. They're really weird optical illusions. I've shown my touch through some trees. That like some weird tree folk were walking in the pathway beside the field. I think it was just the lights playing on the fences.

Do I see a light torchlight glimmering in the next field? I'm not sure I do. There's a lot to watch out for. Please do not try this unless you're an experienced stone clearer. You have to watch out for stone stars. You have to watch out for trip hazards. I've got no socks on. There are stones in my boot.

It's a living nightmare. I'll push on. Quite uncomfortable. No stones cleared for a while. I wish you could see these. I'm trying to take a picture of what's going on here. Is that still working? I mean you really can't see.

Let's try without the torch. You really cannot see. As you will see from the picture. Strange Martian-like sounds in the distance. There's stones in my boot that really cause me some problems. Oh, we've got socks. I don't think you can get away with it. This may be my last stone clear.

I've got a bad feeling about this. The Martians in the distance. I don't know if you heard that. It just has a feeling this could be where I'm taking down. My hubris finally getting the best of me. And just nothing, no stones at all. Invisible. They must be out there.

What? Is that a stone or a beet? I don't want to be touching more slithery slimy beets. Two stones off, that's good. I just have a look. That's something. Shadows are falling down slightly. Good sign.

The rest of the month. Exercise has been good for me. Christmas coming up, of course. Christmas, as we call it out here. So we will eat, drink and be merry and forget about photons for one day. We'll be heading back out here. It's the challenge of doing it in the dark.

Not being able to see anything. I've never had to have that additional challenge of just track to wheel marks everywhere. Literally everywhere. We're going to step over trenches here. In the corner of the field, usually full of stones. Here's one stone. There's a leaf, paper or something.

The mind and eyes are playing tricks. I'm going to try and head across the field. I'm going to try and pick out the pathway. It's a little bit less mental out here. I found a stone. What a shame it is, isn't it? Because there are loads of stones. There are loads of stones.

No stone starsy. Don't attack me. That's a bit true, but it's not the slimy one. Where's the dog? Try not to hit the dog with the stones at night. That's another danger. That's a nice one, isn't it? No, it's a beet.

It's a beet, it's a beet. It's a beet, a cheddar. All right. Well, clearly for you there, something a bit better about today's stone clay. And actually, in this central part, the tractor has not been over. I think it's the director at me.

Oh, there's a lighter. Is that the lighter? Coming fast across the field. And I seem to have lost the pathway. Is it a car pulling into a road up there? The ground has become loose beneath my feet. I'm not sure I'm even heading along the path anymore. This is where I could lose myself,

looking for the ingestion in the distance. As I sink into the soil, the central cairn, what if it's a telegraph pole? I'm off the path, in a place where there's a lot of beets here. A place where no man has walked. Is that a stone?

Is that a stone ball? Oh, there's some beauties here. As we're getting further out, oh yeah, there's definitely something coming with a strong, strong beam of light in the next field. I think too far away to bother us.

I've got two bang on massive mediums. They're probably medium mediums, but they're heavy to carry this way, heading for the central cairn. If I can just get these that far, that would be something. It's quite an effort just to carry these two. Is that another one?

Oh no, that's a beech. That's impressed my keys, I think. Wow, this is very difficult to rain to cross in daytime. Here I am doing it at night. I think the ground may have been churned up, hence why I'm catching some amazing stones here. It's very difficult to catch a hole.

Again, a soft dirt, so soft beneath my feet, like a pillow made of dirt. I think I've really found the path, a little firmer. As I can see, if you were reassuring the site of the central cairn right ahead, these two beauties are going right on here.

I hope you enjoyed the face of both stone snazzy. Do you hear that? Listen to that. Look at the size of that baby. Do you hear that wolf? I love the sound. Stones hitting stones about 5.30pm in the evening.

That's what I love. Oh, I've got to open some grass again. Soft, cloud field here. I have to get through to the document coming from Memorial Cairn. May he rest in peace. I've almost forgotten it existed, haven't I? And just beets as far as I can see here.

Not slimy, desiccated beets. Mummified beets. Slightly regretting not wearing gloves. The tips of my fingers may be lost to frostbite. Beets, beets. Beet, another beet. Beet city down here. I tell you, who would like it down here?

Beethoven. A little bit of bribaldry. Keep this going. There's nothing wrong with having a laugh as you head down the field. I'm going to find five stones for the stone pole, but how am I going to fight it? Be able to even hit the stone pole.

Oh, there's another. Oh, is that a streetlight? I thought that was another torch. Let's see if we can find a few stones here. That seems like a stone. It's really difficult to see the wheat from the chafe here. I can't even tell if that's the stones in my hand. I think it is.

Right, I've got a good five stones. I'm still some way from the care now. Let's try and pick another. Anything decent for the ken that never grows? Still the same size as always, of course. Is that a stone? Yes. Okay, well, it's been a mixed fortune today so far.

And we have been undisturbed. No one else brave enough to come out to this haunted field. Even the village talk about strange muttering, bigger, walking around, seemingly talking to himself regardless of whether there's anyone in the vicinity. I've never seen him. I've never seen him. I don't believe in ghosts,

but it's easier to say that from the comfort of a TV studio. There's the ken that never grows. It's actually looking a bit bigger. Right, good luck with the fucking stone pole today, kids. Gonna need it. Here it is. Check where I'm observed, right? Number one, missed.

Come here, come here. Number two, ah, that was the, pretty sure that was the fence pole. Wolfie, out of the way. Ah, that was the fence pole again. 0 out of 3. 0 out of 4. Here comes the last one. No, that would have hit the barbed wire fence.

0 out of 5. Maybe not a total surprise. Ah. As I said, I think you are seeing, you know how good I am at stone growing, how professional I dedicate, how much practice I've given, and even I am struggling out here. This is extreme stuff. Bear grills should be out here doing this.

It's slightly chilly. It's also bat or something flying around, a bit scary. Really difficult to see stones. Even with the power of a torch. There are no rules to stone clearing. That's rule one of stone clearing, of course. Rule two, try and do it in daylight. But if needs must, the night must be thy friend.

The cloak of night, she doth hide many a thing. She may hide you as you dance and think. But be wary, my stone clearing friend, of your. Because the stones shall be hid behind and before. Ancient poem there. Just about this very situation. It's nice to have so many poems just on my fingertips, just in my brain tips.

I'm going to call them up. Or the dim glove and torch in the distance. That's my own torch. Corona, not that one. Over the hillside. The moon, she's there. Is this a stone? Nope.

It's a rotten old beetroot. There's a stone on the central can. The main canal. There we go. It's on there. Also bird flies away in terror. I think we're going to get around without encountering anyone. But someone could just jump out of a bush

and scare the bejesus out of us. Come on. Coming down to the ditch. They've got something coming fired. You didn't believe in it. But it came true. It's the ditch that stopped Brexit. There's no questioning

whether it has done that. I still believe it's the ditch that welcomes immigrants and refugees. That has not yet happened. Some things have been foretold. Some are things yet to come. Fain of Cordeaux. He shall be king hereafter.

Shakespeare wrote about the ditch. And its powers. And yeah, there's a light in the distance. Just avoided a stone-starzy member. Coming across the field. Too late, my friends. Much too late. It's a game of laser chess.

Or laser chef, I should say, out here. Of course, we can see each other's lights. But we don't know who they are. That could be a friend. It could be a foe. Need to find some ammo for the ditch. Nothing obvious here. That'll do.

That'll do pig. The ditch. Shaun back. Looking good. Just checking my email. Shaun back. Something that was just emailed in. Different spelling.

Just to go in since. Saying which one are you going to attempt another night? Fucking hell, Shaun. Just be patient. It'll happen. It is happening right now. And you look like a dick. So even questioning it.

Good to hear from Shaun back though. He's back. That's what I'd say if I was his friend. Every time I went to the loo in the pub. Also, if you ever went to, like, one of the places where they use wax to rip out your waxing salon. And had his back done, I'd say, Shaun back. And that's the two occasions I would check about his name.

But otherwise, I'd be a good friend to him. Looking quite good, right? Well, back on your league, little doggy dogs. That was a pretty good walk for a night time, wasn't it? What do you think of that? Be confused, excited, aroused. Let's see if there's any other. Any other emails?

Maybe they're whizzing through. Just in case we just land on one. See how we do. Dogly, dark. I guess that might be a Polish name. Dogliad. Dogliad. Just to misread it.

Dogliad, dark. Setting on right in front of the poem. Bang on. Did you know there are no stones in the whole poem at the moment? Legend is, has it that they were cleared by stone giants in the days of Yor? But what do you suggest for us Poles? We literally have no stones to clear. I would say, you know, go with someone else.

You don't have to stay in Poland. You can't live in the land of Poles and you can't live in the land of stones. That's what I would say, right back in the road. And there's a man. A stupid old man just went past. Will be coming. The lights in our village, houses starting to get their Christmas lights up. Very exciting.

Might bring the bins in. It's Tuesday. What day is it? I'll use this in the morning, guys. I'm not a snot too. It's still Tuesday. Got the bins to bring in. Usually I'm taking them out.

Let's see what occurs. And there's the old house. I hope you've enjoyed today's podcast. Bought to you by that tech company, Li Lilo. I know that. Piece of paper back in my pocket now. But you just look at it. If you're interested, just have a look at the old, right up in there.

I remember. You can also clear this rubbish up. That's the paper bin and the food bin. Here comes the safe room bin. Last but not least, the garden waste bin. I sometimes put vegetable mountaineers in the garden to beat the system. You know, from the kitchen. I shouldn't be doing that.

Don't tell the cops. Right. Here we go. I'll just lock up the gate. And then we're safe. Good girl. And that is us. We've done another one done.

I hope you enjoyed that. Very exciting, wasn't it? I hope you were as thrilled as a horror film. Everything's turned out. No, I'm all right. And that was a joke. All right, kids. See you in the next one.

Take care of yourself and each other. Don't listen to the stone, my friend. And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't listen to the bird fan tree. Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stone. Listen to the stone. And they, in turn, are living to you.

My friend. My fine friend. You have been listening to Stone Clearing with me, Rich Tering, and Wolfie the Dog. Now, when else? Release some lights in the distance. The music was by Mike Coffgrave. The voice of the paterns is Michael Faheen. Listen to the stone, my friend.

And they've a helping year merry dance. Don't listen to the bird fan tree. Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stone. Listen to the stone. And they, in turn, are living to you. My friend. My fine friend.