Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 88

Episode Date: December 29, 2020

Chapter 88 - Dead Beets. It's after 9am on 29th December 2020 and Richard is looking back on one of the greatest years in history for stone clearing. He has to deal with star struck villagers (and some pretending not to be star struck) and a potential rambler orgy, but has an admission about his 'career' that may surprise no one. The Alpha and Omega cairn (pictured) is growing fast after just two and a bit years of attention and the stones are growing nicely as the mud clears. But will Richard find Wolfie's name tag? So much incident and excitement that you might expire. Don't listen to this if you're trying to sleep.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Hello my fan friends Welcome to chapter 88 of Stone Clearing It is the 29th of December It's 9.15pm 9.14pm if you want to be totally pedantic and I think we all do and

Tieta for Christmas, I hope you had a good one I did actually record a Stone Clearing on Cast on Christmas Eve In audio that didn't put it up and then it felt a bit like the topicality had gone There was a live Stone Clearing on Christmas Day which you can watch on YouTube Dummels! Come on!

I might put the Christmas Eve one up as some monthly badges I can't remember what's in it so I couldn't even write it up as I had to so we'll see It's the Lost Chapter one of the many Lost Chapters but this is chapter 88

and this is where we are so I'm just going to duck its passage now and it's been pretty cold this week we have had some frost on the ground I think today's a little warmer we'll see

the mud shouldn't be such a problem when I've been doing my night time clears the stones have been colder than death which is always one of my favourite times of Stone Clearing just because that of course reminds us of one of the purposes of this thing to

it tells us of how brief our spam on Earth is compared to the stones how long it is compared to the dog there's just weeing she's been very patient today so I slept in my wife's giving me a line for 3 days in a row

I didn't really use yesterday's one I came down pretty early but usually I'm the first up so that is quite quite the eventuality I found a stone that's going on the Alphanoma I can't believe it

threw it a bit high it's rolled more or less I'm going to go back in I don't want to anger the Alphanoma because I did put a bit of concrete on there but that might not be enough for them so that goes on the Alphanoma can looking quite good

might take a photo of that at the end if nothing else of interest happened there's been quite out on the Stocean just kicking a stone off the field there it's nicely done actually the ground is still pretty wet and there's no frost today so the stones

whilst not warm do not have the chill of the nought degree centigrade that is required to remind us that death is ever present and ever coming things have settled down though we've returned to a

mixture of stone and soil rather than mud and very few visible stones there are still some beets out here to confusion even after all this time all lovely round stone and then that round sort of caramel stone there

and a more angular spherical caramel ones they look like a little Christmas caramel and so we go on last audio stone clear of 2020

been a brilliant year for stone clearing I think we can all agree there have been a few attempts to film stone clearing before 2020 but it really took off this year with the live streams

brilliant year for snooker brilliant year for stone clearing that can be hard for anyone to say I'm sure you'll get some bloody moaners rim moaners probably saying how awful this year's been but

they should try and walk in another man's shoes or Wellington boots around a field full of beets and then dead beets dead the dead beets am I right dead beets is a pun that's the title of this show

so this chapter sorted out dead beets try and remember that oh it looks like a little walk out a little house off it's possible to house off no I can let you off get it off come oh it's just caught up again

there won't be many stones down here oh woofie we lost your name thing there woofie to be here just trying to find that woofie woofie pulled away too fast the little name tag came off we have got more but

it's been nice to find that if possible I heard it tinkle tinkle which is nah it's not obviously in the vicinity oh there's a witch's finger witch's dick though so that's something

there's a big stone good medium sized stone there going off well maybe large small it flew off with a tinkle did you hear the tinkle in any direction some future metal detector is going to find that

if we had a phone number woofie is actually eating a beet eating a dead beet right now woofie don't eat that woofie better just check it didn't it did come off woofie come here come here what do you see come here

come look come off this is exciting stone collection right here you don't get this every day while I'm here there are a lot of stones around I'm trying it could have pinged off in any direction that's the thing

I think we might have to call it lost we've lost a few things out here on the field the heel being one of the main ones but shame to lose woofie's name tag

oh here we go it's not going to turn up I don't think woofs what a shame so anyway I'm a little way out in the field and there are some nice stones here less beats than there were woofie chase is there

good small larger woofie catches in midair just been luckily a lightly tossed stone quite a big one there you alright she jumped up and caught it just as if it were a ball one of the hazards have been

a stone clean dog is of course you will probably kill by a stone at some point I'm passing a few nice stones here but it's good to see they are still out here I haven't yet cleared them larger because I haven't really been out this far also because the field is really big

I can't see any stone stars around as usual so it's been a light time for stone starsy got lots of stones here I'm actually just a little bit stuck picking and throwing

and I'm not picking my nose and throwing the bogies thrown away are we not picking the stone gods bogies and nose and flicking the bogies away or in woofie's case eating some of the more

organic bogies I suppose not yeah this is a bit like stone christmas which stone christmas was disappointing oh watch out woose that was a nice round one it was a bit more ovoid though

elongated ovoid sort of creamy colour creamy white off white it looked like a lot big egg but it wasn't up so we are getting into some proper stones now and there has been a paucity of this

I realised over the recent months just because of the crops followed by mud and now there was any doubt about the fact there were still stones to be cleared out here I hope today's broadcast is

disseminating those doubts just as I disseminate a few of the billion stones that I'm passing but this is more like what stone crime should be about this is why we got into it there's some stone stars coming I'm going to stay out here

a little further out into the field to avoid him his dog is off the lead so I'm going to have to do some sharp work here Wolfie stay with me stay here

Wolfie stay good girl good morning how are you have a good Christmas good oh thank you very much yes

I won't live that down but there we go see you later and it's terrifyingly that stone star thing not that he knows my name but details about me I guess one of the problems

with going on national TV is it makes it a little harder to oh it's slippy out here a little harder to retain my anonymity out here but maybe that's a good cover I don't know maybe they think well why would a guy apparently got quite successful

TV career be moving stones around on a field that doesn't make sense he'd be in jacuzzi's having sex with supermodels so maybe that'll work for me maybe that'll help perfect cover that's really one of the reasons I've

adopted this cover as a comedian many people question how it's possible that wasn't very funny and as you can see from this stone clearing book I am a deeply serious person so

I had to create this persona attempt to be a stand-up comedian even though that's far away from what my instincts are telling me to do as possible no one wants to make people laugh what's the point they're just

meat sacks that will decay but if that's what it takes for me to clear the stones unimpeded then so be it must be shall right back there there was some good stones

that was in that little section this section is very muddy again there's a nice stone just peeking its way out of the the never region between path and field that can go into the roots of the trees just here which are looking more leafy than stone

you have to say there's a few stones down there might be the last chance for 2020 to see the same ringing tree so we'll head up that way even though the path to the main can is littered with gold stones technically

but gold is a kind of stone you can all agree on that and a small stone for the can across from the main can will feed any more poo or maybe you haven't done a poo yet you haven't have you

that's a bearable one we'll bury that up and use some foliage it's off the path, it's off the field that's the sound of a man kicking up undergrowth to bury his dog shit which ended up kicking it off the path

that's how it should be I've mainly kicked it I've got a bit on my boot though so I'll have to wipe that off horrible disgusting rotten um beat to dead beat how long has it taken me

how has it come out of that long to come out of dead beat it's just my can opposite the main can but you can say that because it will decay it will in effect the overall integrity of that can alright you can come off for a bit more scan

go on go go for it run free run free it's chilly out here but puddles of water remain uniced it's not worth having to see some lumps in the distance

but it's still not worth going out there in case I wasted my time to retrieve organic matter I can see a lovely brown apple has been squashed in there's a stone

that comes about that size apple sized it's off the field now Wolfie chased it for no avail Wolfie's chased that one left it where it is excuse me oh

so I was very tired today but the extra hour and a half in bed that my wife allowed me has invigorated me and feeling quite good out here another pointless attempt to get fit coming up no doubt

in the next few weeks sort of like a lot less monster in the stotion there but it seemed to be moving too fast to be any creature that we would recognise right in the distance

like a sort of maybe it was just a bird maybe it was a wing of a bird there's some birds out there that makes more sense than what I thought like a snorkel or something so we're passing the Roman villa

oh there's a Roman villa there's a bit of metal a little chunk of metal God knows what that was for probably something in the Roman villa there's a good chunk of Roman villa there in a while since we've had any of that off it goes

I think I've done pretty well at clearing off that Roman villa it'd be nice to find some items of value and they'll still be chucked off the field something nice for the seam re-entry oh there's some I'm just a little further out

and yeah some nice stones there we'll choose a couple a caramel and a flint for the seam re-entry the elves make them out later and eat the caramel I don't know how they work that one hasn't worked

what was that one? he reassuring clink of stone on stone reassuring me that my work is not being wasted out here and that I am making a difference come on you good girl on we go getting the conditions a little bit

some like up here maybe the sun hits this half of the field a bit more than the other oh dear look look I can hear the whistle of a stone starsy member in the background they think I can't hear those whistles

they think they're too high for my ears but they're forgetting I'm a human they need to have a dog whistle if they want to not alert me but I think it's some way away I think we're safe for the moment good to have had an interaction

for some time I thought maybe I was the last human being left on earth with the number of times we missed just walking around in the field without seeing a soul of course I could just have imagined that person not beyond not beyond the realms of possibility

I can't see any stone starsy I can just hear barking dogs and whistles in the distance just thrown a stone into a holly bush very seasonal beef and all they would have said of course back in the day

so so one last chance for the ditch to stop Brexit to stop Brexit before Brexit fishing gets underway I might do a live New Year's Eve hopefully so that might be the one that stops it

that's some way away I've just done another little hassle half it out just pick up I sort of I don't know how you describe it it's almost a cuboid really off it goes, Wolfie chases it she gives in as it hits the

hits the edges periphery of the field I'm sorry to all those of you who may have booked my DVDs and come to my shows under the mistaken belief I was a comedian a lot of people have been trying to tell you over the years that I'm not

now I see the stone starsy well in the distance I think we're safe Wolfie off the lead but they are heading this way which will slightly curtail my corner of the field activity there's another little

dark caramel egg a bit like a plum or a potato but it's definitely a stone it's not on the field anymore that won't trouble us again that one I think we'll just head across the path for that cut off the corner I might just put Wolfie on the lead

just to Wolfie come here in case she gets excited by these dogs she's now incognito and as I walk I've seen a couple of nice stones that are chucked nearer off the shore to throw these onto the shore oh there's some luck beauties out here it's more stone than soil

here's a millennium falcon I don't know if I can get this to the edge oh I could I'm stronger than I thought oh look at the size of that baby let's pick that up I'm going to take that to the middle of the field even though it's not as big as I thought

but it's still pretty big the biggest of the day oh it's cold as well Wolfie it's got everything it's got a lot I'm just worried about that oh it's too cold to carry really my arm

also that will stop the stones as you see what I'm doing it seems to have fallen slightly back in the other direction pissing around that corner for some reason now we're passing a thousand stones here maybe more than a thousand

all shouting to me pick me up I want to get off this field in 2020 it's just not possible guys it's just not possible maybe wait for a better year I know it makes no difference to you guys out here one year is very much like the next

nice interesting little chunky but flat brownish stone I'll pick that up just about to I'll say that's one of the ones that gets on the arc the 2020 arc oh there you went to the other field look like clever

there's two stone stones there and I thought we could turn around and go back but I see just nipped across the other field to reserve me from there who knows what he saw looks like a nice one as well I'll take that down to the old arm as well not big, dark brown

maybe there's soil on it again more beats out here than I care to count I don't care to count any beats yes there's a female stone starzy coming up this side of the field, the fence male on the other but both having missed me

by some significant distance I'm off on my bishop trajectory across the field diagonally uncatchable untraceable the last person you'd think would be

gathering up stones and putting them in piles the perfect alibi cover oh that's a nice one I'm doing a risk, I'm picking up one pretty much in the direct sight line of the female stone starzy I'm just hoping everyone's a little bit too

hungover from Christmas to really spot what's been going on as you can see quite a celebrity around the village that must be possibly the third person to me who's mentioned Taskmaster in the last three months just the

buzz going around it's exciting for them to have such a big star living in their fairly ordinary town not one person being mentioned the chase they haven't seen it but one of their friends told them I was on it

that's how it's going for me it's just constant hassle really but I rise above it I'm not going to bring happiness to the world I'm going to dump these and come back to that, that looks like two stones in one

does anyone come in this way, they are not right onto the central cairn it looks like to me like it's been taken off the central cairn by some vandal I can't believe that it's been lying there but here's four more stones and I want to go back for

will I even find it again where was it it was a beauty it was one of the most beautiful stones I've ever seen was this it, can't be it it's better than that maybe it was that one, I'll take that one anyway I don't have to retrace my steps

is it this one that is actually two stones if it was that one there's some crackers out here there's an orange stone there we're getting into the vivid descriptions of what I'm seeing I hope you're enjoying that all the colours, rough shapes some of you have been saying

some of the emails coming in I've had emails from Peter Central Cairn Co-Centrally I'm just at the Central Cairn as I read this but that's probably what reminded me of it

he's saying can you describe the stones a bit more this is meant to be a stone clearing podcast why aren't you telling us what the stones are like and I'm doing my best to do that but you have to be aware I wonder if I picked up the one I saw, it was a beauty but maybe I imagined it

I'm retracing my steps that's how much time I'm taking here I can't see it anymore I'll pick up these couple they'll do instead well maybe it'll be a mythical stone maybe one day it will be found by someone

near the Central Cairn if you want to come look for it but two stones together, oh that's it that looks clearly like four or five different stones surely I can't hallucinated that's the last thing that happens out here it's just done such sharp focus

anyway yeah, Peter, Central Cairn I am trying to do better to describe the stones but they're coming through it such fast that one looks a bit like a foot of a bog body that one looks like the top of a scalp in colour and shape

human scalp, that looks like what would you say, hippopotamus drawn by Daisy Mae Cooper and that's just not like that one looks like a stone so I hope that helped and the Central Cairn gets a lot of tonnage there there was some decent sized stones

it's not over because I'm going to chuck a few more from the other side onto this less this side of the Cairn has less stones in it at the moment if I keep up like this that's two more I think I've got a bit of dirt in my hair

just spit out a bit of some there I apologise it's part of the job if you find this tasteful you'll listen to the wrong progress oh that's a ball I can get that onto the Cairn

he's going to chase it which is on the lead so that's going to be put into the grass on this side of the Cairn that's going to be off the lead because the lead's got a bit tangled up why don't you understand what's wrong with you are you stupid, are you stupid to fall

can't you walk around on your own without causing problems right we're heading down and this part of the Cairn leads directly to the stone pole the part that used to lead to the Cairn that never grows the Dominic Cummings Memorial Cairn

but if I want to put anything on that I'm going to have to take a detour I have to say the Cairn that never grows looks a bit bigger than usual I might have to change its name well that's a nice

map of Italy ow you fucker so that was the dog just jumping up and putting a full weight into my crotch like area I mean it's not just crotch like it is my crotch alright we're finding some good

ammo though for the stone pole here I have five just from one stop oh my gosh what will we come with me now will we come here the whole family has turned up they're standing by the Dominic Cummings Cairn

they look like ramblers will we stay trying to do this one handed with loads of stones in my other hand it's going to be difficult and I'm going to persevere you can do it also oh so dropping all my stones and that's the way the news goes

well they're just waiting waiting for me if they come this way I might have to drop my cash certainly why I've got my looks like some kind of jiu-jitsu weapon waiting I think they might be pretending to look at a map

we all know what they're doing five of them four of them, five of them one, two, three, four four of them and they're moving off ladies I think they were in Bommel hats I mean I like the sexy

stone starsy groups of women in Bommel hats nothing is sexier to me but I mustn't be distracted from the stones by the thoughts of being captured and tortured by those

four relatively young looking women it's hard to say they are quite quite well togged up and I think we're safe passing under the tree and again a lot of dead beats here

as you expect loafing around under the tree I'm going to take these two stones one looks like an axe made by a prehistoric man the other again a bit like the scalp of a prehistoric man could be both, could have just discovered

the site of the oldest human beings in the world who would have thought they started in Hertfordshire makes sense doesn't it, out where the stones are the stone gods created them here fought to clear the stones but the foolish prehistoric man

started making tools out of the stones and became distracted from their purpose and did anger the gods there it is old Dominic Cummings right let's see how we go could be the final stone poll of the year the video one did not go well so

again this will affect your luck for the whole of 2021 so if you're listening and you haven't become a monthly badger there's going to be a bonus Christmas Eve stone clear on there Dominic here we go, number one direct hit, brilliant this is slightly tricky shape

direct hit two out of two this hit the wrong poll it did sound like a hit poll but it was the wrong one two out of three chat Wolfie oh just over the top two out of four, this is the one that counts

out the way Wolfie oh beautiful hit I did choose some good throwing stones there and the second one which was a very odd shape three out of five that's good luck for your audio files the video files had bad luck but if you want to make that good luck

even better why not become a monthly badger go fastestrike.com for this badger or use your Amazon Prime membership link to your Amazon gaming account give us money every month for free, no cost to yourself I know it's insane but take Jeff Bezos's money and I will use it for good

I slash filming me dressed as the driving instructor so we're heading home it's not been too long so I'm clear that's okay my wife has had the kids for a good long while but I think she's doing the morning and I'm doing the afternoon

I think that's what we've decided so I'm just wasting my own time out here but of course it could never be a waste of time the ramblers went the wrong way the stone stars they were too late

only one has been set to me and he got two starstruck to do any use, don't think of use a couple of stones one looks like a skeleton of a lizard with its eye just its head though could be any animal with an eye

there's a big poo out there that looks like a human poo disgusting and here we are at the central can it's not in the central can like the main can I'm taking a big risk by picking up a stone right near the edge of the corner

I think we're safe and I'll place that along the fence that's a beat but let's put the beat on there anyway and provide a bit of sort of concrete we'll mush the stones together I'm just going to take a short walk through the mud across

to where the large stones lay I'm trying to clear this before anyone else realises what's out here it's just a cornucopia of stones there is a stone star as any member that was a good throw just through a small large I'd say but

very nearly medium stone I threw it a good distance like a discus there's that one coming this way so I'll have to be quick just pick up a couple of quick ones it's not what I wanted but there's so many stones here you just have to stop for a second

and you can pick up three or four medium stones dash them across I mean I'm right in the face of a stone star if I think she's far enough away to not know what I'm doing if I go around the other side I think she'll be able to spot it

four feet so let's build up this wall to the base of them than going on the central cairn or that one chipped into a few stones there a bit of dirt on my jacket it's the only clue that anything untoward has been going on

but let's head around here and we'll walk down the field to avoid the dog and to see what's out here we won't be able to pick anything up I hope Peter's central cairn is a bit happier with the descriptions this time

she's she's putting a dog on the lead I think she is always a nice one there might just grab that put that on the other side of me we'll get more feel on that

nice lead there I managed to get it let's see good girl come on stay morning how you doing yeah fine thanks good girl what's the world be

good girl stay stay stay good girl come on seemingly polite both sides of that discussion she wasn't I could see her thinking

but she was thinking about asking about Taskmaster and Chase but she's remained cool always a nice mini cairn there I'll dump that one on there the cutting back of the various foliage by the farmer has revealed

a lot of my work and it's impressive stuff well look here we are on the ditch at Stock Brexit and it works in a mysterious way it's wonderful to perform so don't freak out the fact that we have essentially Brexit this in 2020 anyway

or the fact that it looks like there's been an agreement or but even if we leave don't be freaked out the Brexit ditch she duff do her work and Moe might take 50 years

might take 100 years might take infinity years but her work will be done I'm picking up a couple of nice stones for the alphanum where you can there's emails coming in just so fast every week, Herring1967

at gmail.com please girls in your 20s and 30s stop sending me pictures of your breasts not something I enjoy unless they're made of stones

I look at them just to check they're not made of stone you have to look quite closely sometimes do keep those questions coming there are two major reasons why this is going on the alphanum as you can I was going to take a picture of that let's do that because we haven't seen many

except deadbeats just interesting I guess for you to see the progress this is coming on for two and a half years of progress so just so you know my time is not being wasted

I'm still going 40 minutes of fucking top notch ensemble what do you think about that let's have a look I was just scrolling through 4 or 5 attractive women naked there sorry about that

getting through I won't say their names I'll just give their names nettle tree shed some kind of blueberry type berry

unusual surname there's a man's cock on this one he has asked the question as well Richard coming up to New Year I haven't given his name of course his name is the man this time up because you can tell

because he's put I identify as a he him that's how I told not because of the penis bad luck won't forget haven't got me this time it's Brian Trellis fence has he been gotten before

2021 is about to start Richard do you have any views on the future of stone clearing how things might progress any new techniques or equipment that may be available to the amateur and semi professional stone clearing A there's no such thing as an amateur

stone clear feature or whatever your name was Mr Trellis fence you cannot do this casually you have to take it seriously so I'm very tempted not to reply to your email at all no new techniques

the techniques have remained the same there was old as time, there was old as humanity there was old as monkeys there was old as sort of rat things there was old as fish and there was old as an either you have to pick up the stones and put them inside of the field by any means necessary

it's not like a big stone clearing machine hands, use your hands and I think that will continue to be the case in 2021 I'll review that at the end of 2021 see if I will omit it if I was wrong and I'm hopeful that I can finish the job in 2021

I've put a lot of time and effort in if I finish I'll move on to next field don't worry the podcast will continue that's for sure okay we're back home I think the kids are not in the kitchen so that's good news look I hope you've enjoyed this year's stone clearing

it's been a mega year for stone clearing it's been an important year for stone clearing it's been a brilliant year all around I think we're going to agree the stones are all the matters probably cleared I don't know 100 stones in the year

at least at least I would say Woovey inside now come on come on in here good girl that's a vampire she has to be invited in several times before she'll come in

I hope you like me just praying that I'm going to wash my hands before I feed the dog because they're disgusting um I'd like me that you've enjoyed 2020 I've enjoyed the chapters in 2020 there's probably more chapters in 2020

than any other year especially including the video daily video one I just hope that really things will get worse in the human world so that the stone world can continue I'll be back

at 89 very soon do become a monthly badger let's see if that Christmas Eve episode turns up and thank you very much for your time and for your badgers and your interest goodbye my fine friend

live until the tones in 2021 live until the stones my friend and they for helping hear Mary dance don't live until the birds and trees

don't live until your underpants live until the stones live until the stones and they in turn I'll live until

to ye my friend my fine friend stone clearing star me Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog plus the man who was starstruck by having a big celebrity in his village plus the lady who pretended not to be that starstruck

plus the orgy of rambling ladies that I missed out on the music is by Mike Coffray the voice of the photons is Mike Coffray live until the stones my friend and they for helping

hear Mary dance don't live until the birds and trees don't live until your underpants live until the stones live until

the stones and they in turn to ye my friend my fine friend