Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 92

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

Chapter 92 - Fpunking Ftones. It's 8.20am on 2nd February 2021 and the fnow has gone and the mud doesn't feem as bad in comparifon. There's some big twiftf and revelations in this week'sf chapter and Rich rifkf a fchifm by nailing his colourf to the maft on a controverfial fubject. Is the Roman villa Roman or a villa? Have you ever made a stone ejaculate? Does that mean that they don't or is the fault with you? Will you be able to cope with the new pace that will come as the chapters become more advanced in a few weeks? Are our human lives important at all? And do the stone Stasi need me to survive in order to keep themselves as relevant as Lego Batman? An incredible stone pole too. You might want to become a badger now: http://gofasterstripe.com/badges

Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. Good night, sweet. Sweet will banish sorrow. Come here, wolves. Come here. Good girl. Good girl. Come on. Good little girl. Here's my good girl. Good girl. Come. Very satisfying bin and food waste bin both properly full, just as the bin then come. It's what we all want. Hold up there, wolves. It's what everyone's dreaming of when they put out the bin.

Time to perfection. So welcome to Chapter 92, Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. It is 8.17. It's the 2nd of February, 2021. And the forno has gone. There is no forno. It's very, very muddy again. It's been muddy for the whole week. It's been more moisture. The stream is almost bursting. It's banks are flooding in my little, tiny, unused cellar in my house. And there is mud underfoot for all for tone-clearing. But it's better than the snow, isn't it? Because at least we can see the stones peeking out of the mud.

Will be. Stop pulling. Will be out there soon enough. And here we are, dump-tuckets, packing, passage, passage. Approach thing. I'm sorry, approaching. The fields, the stocean. It's brown. The sprouts are green. Still can't work out if this is a crop that's been planted, or just grass that's flowing into the arena. All right, well, shall we go off the loop for a little bit? Come here. Let's see if we can find a stone for the...

Not for another can, still. Beaked everywhere. There's some stones here. Let's put two or three on the make-up. Watch out, will she, right in the way. Good job, I'm a good throw. Come on. Much warmer today. The stone's not freezing to the touch. And look at these, some chewed beets. Dogs are eating these beets. Oh, they're heavy as well. But I just kicked that off, but I will be like some beets. I'm just getting them off because they're cold. No!

I don't want you having diarrhea again, little girl. So, here we are, back at the cold face. Headphones feeling a little bit weird, so I hope this is... Well, I've had some problems with my ears. Everything's falling apart, to be frank. And I was watching that film about Button Who, the dig on Netflix, thinking of some of those first stone crews who came to this country in Anglo-Faxon times. They got big mounds, stones, and earth as well, they didn't do it properly. And buried beneath them, possibly. Possibly just they were centre taps, who knows.

No one knows for sure. So, yeah, Chapter 92, we're getting close to 100. We did do some intermediary stuff. Obviously, last week in the snow, we're back to beginners. For now, I don't want to scare anyone off in the first 100 episodes by getting too technical. Just ease our way in. We'll be looking to do a poo, I think. Here it comes. Not on the field, I'm going to have to pocket this one.

I know a lot of you enjoyed this element of the podcast. I've got something in the freezer bag today. It's a used freezer bag, double use. But I'm just going to let you use it to bin up some dog poo. That's my advice. Wolfs, nice solid poo from Wolfs there, easy pick up. Bit of a squidge in it, but you'd want a bit of a squidge. Spell the air, just as if it was going in the freezer.

It might go in the freezer. Imagine if I was keeping all this poo in a freezer. It's in the old pocket, it's in the poo pocket. Don't worry, I got rid of the last one. I remembered it just in time. Another bit of beat off the field. I'm more of a beat clearer these days, right? I might have to start my beat clearing podcast.

The way things are going, but I've swatted some stones and I'm doing a mini hassle off. Oh, there's a lot out here actually. It looks like a fragment of iron or something, but it's not. It's stone, lovely chocolate brownie there. Those are some of my favorites. What was the one that attracted my attention?

It wasn't that one, was it this one? Oh, that didn't go too far off the field, but it's just off. Oh, Murphy leaking through the air to try and catch that. She is insane. I don't think she understands the danger that five stones possess. So far, she's not really been badly hurt by a stone, but the day must come for every stone clearing dog

to taste its first taste of flint against skin. Hopefully it's not today. More half-eaten beats. Oh, Wolfie's after a grouse. You can probably hear that grouse. Grouse in and around. It escaped, of course it did. Hey, if I get back to the house in time,

I can just put that dog poo in the bin and it'll be taken by the bin men. Last week the bin men arrived while I was doing the stone clearing. There's some jeopardy there for dog poo fans. Alright, trying to get fit again because knockdown and winter combined have putched me up a bit,

making me not the lean, mean stone-picking machine that I should be. I'm not fact-shaming any stone clearers out there who might not be into the fitness aspect. You don't really see many chunky stone clearers because of course there's such walking and lifting and throwing. That's a worker in itself.

Oops, I keep that one a bit hard. Smashing against the fence. At least it's off the field. That was the kick, it was up and under. And yeah, it's getting some light conditions down this corner where the water does tend to gather down here. Another nice chocolate brownie. Of course it's a stone, not an actual chocolate brownie,

it's a nickname. As we arrive at the corner of the field I think we're going to do the full three-quarter today. And maybe soon we'll go back to the full all the way around the field. Stone just in the park, I'll kick that one off. That's kicking nicely into the back and not going too far. Whoopie, where you going?

Come here, whoopie, come here. There's the can in the corner of the field because I think I can add to that one just as we're passing. That's a stone or a beep. That's a very rotten beep. Tiny, but they all count, they all add up. 365 of those. And you know, next year the can looks bigger.

That's the way I look at it. Year upon year. How many years do I have left? That's the question. Will there be enough time? Time. I'm not handy for my handy standersaw adventures. I can't go back in time.

Time, no, I can't. Imagine if I could. It's a huge, horse-sized dog on the path ahead. Doesn't seem to have an owner. Let's see, I've got more for you on the lead. There's a lot of prehistoric dogs here, so if someone's got a time machine, they're all like really weird, like soot-like.

Mosquitoes are hanging in the air like the embers, flying off a fire. Two big dogs coming here off the leash. Oh, these are horrible midges. What are they doing here? Hovering like death. Hovering like millions of deaths. Perhaps just over me,

perhaps saying yesterday you will never complete this task. There's loads of them. They hardly, they don't even buzz. They're just hanging like flecks of ash, dotting in the air as if above a burning bonfire, up and down the swirl of the heat. Ah, they're going forever. It's all the way along here.

I've never seen anything like it. I'm waving them away, but it doesn't stop them. Every time I think I'm through, they come back. Who'll be? What are you doing? What are you doing? Sure, she is as well. She's okay with big dogs, really.

This little one she has sometimes gets a bit over-excited with. It's over a little tiny, tiny one. Sometimes she gets a bit aggressive. There you go, there we go. That's nice and friendly. Hello, gorgeous. You've got a nice straw. Come on, darling, did you get it?

You picked up another dog. Here we go, good girl. Thank you. Very friendly, remember the same size of you there. They're trying a new tactic. Just adding to the care across from the lane field. They're just a little bit late, but I am walking parallel with the nice lady there from the Spanish Garzi.

I'm going to hold up a little. She's just on the path on the other side of the field, playing something down. I didn't think we were hiring anyone into the country since Brexit. I thought that was the point. No one in, no one out. If only Brexit had been properly observed, we wouldn't be in the peck of worry there, would we? Shut the borders.

That's my advice. So we squidge our way up the left-hand side of the field. I've just kicked another beat. It was practically off the field, but it's now well off the field. It can rot amongst my photons. It's by doing a nice stone and a castle hopping out. You'll see the starter of two different geological events in this one. Wonder what happened there.

Is that a fossil? Maybe. How did I tell you this theory? I don't know if I told you this. Someone's over Christmas thing. I forgot about it. I sent a map from the 1700s, I think. My house was on it, so it must have been after 1702. I think that's right.

And in this field, there was a picture of a windmill. And now I got to thinking. Could... It wasn't there on any future maps. Barely mentioned on the windmills of the Hertfordshire. But could that windmill... Could I have been misattributing a Roman villa? Or could the stones I'm picking up be from the old windmill?

If I find some sails out here, I guess that will confirm it. But I wonder if this part of the field is where the old windmill stood. And that's why occasionally we get a little bit of tile and brickwork. It'll be a shame, but not as old as I hoped. Let's see if we can find a bit of Roman windmill. It might be a Roman windmill. Here's a bit. Did that be a bit of a windmill? It's off the field now.

Don't worry, we've got it off. I'm seeing a ring entry right here. And I have to say, it is a lot easier to find stones without... Even though it wasn't a particularly thick layer of snow. But you do bless your luck that we just had mud and wetness today. Into the same ring entry, is it today? It's not today. The same ring entry does have quite a scattering of stones in front of it now.

What do you think, do you think that's a crop? I haven't seen any machinery out here for laying crops, but that does... It looks very much in rows. I'm going to explain these donuts done by some farm machinery all along here. They planted too close to the edge this time, so... If that is the crop, we could be in for a good year of a whole sways of... About 10 metres that we could be clearing with that crop on it over the next year. That's very exciting for me.

Both of these are in the way. I haven't forgotten to put it in the pocket. I had actually, but I just remembered when I saw a wing. Let's get this one off of course, I know this is nearly off. It's not a bad chunk of stone. Let's get that towards some of these friends. There's a sort of earthworks there that means we don't have to do so much work with the wall out here. You can get all the stones to top that. Another one, like the bone of a dead gazelle.

Just lying on the path. It's bleached by the rain and wind. It's now off, don't worry. They're clearing slowly steadily, one for tone at a time. That's all stone killer can do, unless you can pick up four or five stones. But even so, unless he's actually clamping those on his hand at the same time, I still think that counts as one stone at a time. More midges.

I'm using my hair as a rudimentary fly scarer. There's been odd circumstances out here. I've never seen it so wet. The other dog walk I do, which I occasionally take a break from, up a hill, almost impossible to just re-clear the stone I cleared because it didn't go fine, and I kind of put it onto the earthworks. The stone starter, as you remember, who was alongside me just a few minutes ago now, maybe 200 meters ahead of me.

She's in the next field. I can just see a walker. I'm possibly going to report me to his superiors. I mean, if these guys ever get mobile phones, I mean, so much trouble. But thankfully, they stay true to their stone-starzy roots. Most of them too old to even run very quickly to the next stone-starzy outpost. It gives us a chance, I guess, if they become too efficient at destroying stone-starzy roots. They destroy their own purpose as well.

Many superhero movies have started exploring this dichotomy, most notably Lego Batman. If Batman were, and that's casting me as their villain, which I'm not their villain, if Batman managed to incarcerate all his enemies, then he has nothing to do. And also, no one would become a villain the day because they'd say, well, there's no point in just going to get caught. There has to be some give and take. Big stone here that I'm sure I've cleared in the past. Oh, is there a dog poo underneath it?

Is that where it was there? I don't think so. It's just some dirt, hopefully. I'll clear it a bit further and wipe my hands on with a bit of grass, just to ensure I haven't put my bare hand in dog poo. It's one of the occupational hazards, of course. If you don't want to ever touch dog poo, don't A, own a dog, and B, don't become a stanker.

Grass is nature's hanky. Adam's hanky. It's own and tanky as well. And my hand is pretty clean. I wouldn't say COVID safe. Might need to give it a little rinse under the tap when I get home. So we're in the corner at the top, usually a second area, but it's again swamped with water.

I think we might find some more stones. But in the distance, it doesn't have to worry me just yet. Two of them together. And it's worrying when they start travelling in pairs. But you know, it's just nature, isn't it? It's what I'm talking about. If the jackals kill all the jackals eat, then the jackals will all die.

It has to get this balance, this pendulum back and forth when they catch enough to live. But they'll wake up themselves. Oh, that wasn't a record for a... It was a difficult shape, like a Starship Enterprise shaped stone. Let's see if I can get this slightly chunkier. It's not much better. That's a good heave, and that's gone on to the path,

but I don't go along that path very often. So disappointing clear from this corner. It's bestowed with stones out here. Also still beat slow. When will... Who will rid me of these troublesome beats? There's a bottle out there, a plastic bottle. That shouldn't be there.

So we're heading across to the central can. We may pick up a few of these stones. Oh, that one's calling to me. Really calling. And sometimes people wonder, how do you pick this little chocolate brownie? It looks quite like a little splodge of chocolate brownie as well as the colour. It's caramel. Wolfie's excited about it.

Wolfie likes it. She thinks it's a caramel brownie. It's not. It's a stone wolf. I'm not throwing it. I'm going to place it reverently on the central can. Let me get there. One of the dogs in the corner of the field has a little jacket on. They're not human beings, guys.

Come on. There's a little reflective jacket. Foolishly put the stone sides up to help me spot them, especially in the dark. Gives me a chance. Only if I'm shining some kind of light, which I am in the dark. I'm sure I'm shining a torch. I don't have a stone caught me.

It's picking me up. I will. I will. You've served your time, mate. Time to come with me to paradise. Thank you, Rich. It's okay. Look, you guys don't need to thank me.

I should be thanking you for all you have done for me. You've turned my life around. I hear a female voice for the... Oh, there's three stone stars in there. At least one of them are women or a very high-pitched voice of man. They're on the other side of the fence. Oh, and that guy's come to me like this. There's three stones I've got now.

Maybe four because I think I have to bring this one's mate along with me. He's saying, bring my mate. Oh, look at that. There's a rose-colored stone. It's tiny, but it's comfortable. These are the ones calling to me today. I've now got an arm full of stones. And we'll have to drop them.

Well, I thought that was a big stone because it's a big... It's a big beat. Is this grass coming up or is this... It's got to just be grass, right? It just, for a distance, looks like it's a place to meet me and rose. And I'm from here as well. Not sure. We'll find out, I guess, over the course of the next year.

What's growing here this year? Hopefully it's not fucking beets, right? Am I right? Are you with me on that? Yeah, we've all been there. We've all been there. A bit of observational stone-clone comedy there. Hopefully it's not stone fruits, am I right?

I think there's a thing called a stone fruit. You wouldn't want that. I hope it's not a crop that is exactly the shape and texture of stone that doesn't get harvested properly. Lies on top of the fields for ages. Confusing you. We've all been there. I'm there right now.

It's too early for me to laugh at this material, actually. The wound is still too raw. Right, I've got five stones that are coming off. There's another nice one there. I wonder if I can kick this. Kick me, Rich. Kick me. I am doing.

Wolfie wants to stop it. She's just sort of playing. I wonder if the conditions are not good for stone balls. I'm doing well. It's nearly up there. One more kick, maybe. It's off enough, I think. It's not on the main body of the cane,

but eventually the cane will cover that stone. It's happy. It's probably a massive one there. That was a good one I got off there, wasn't it? A bit dirt on my fingers and now my face. As we head down towards the stone pole, and there's nobody around, I'm going to let Wolfie have a little run.

And here's a nice stone. That's the biggest in the day, I think. I mean, it's fairly a medium sized stone. We've been going for quite small guys. That's gone right. Just threw it through. It had a little nod to it. The end that I could use as a throwing clip

and went right onto the top of the cane in the centre of the field there. Controversial cane still for many of you. Many are saying, how can you have a cane in the middle of the field? That is not clear. Richard does have to come off the field well. I disagree with you.

There are no rules for stone clearing. That's the first rule of stone clearing. Rule two, all stones must clear. The periphery of the crops now. Does that mean on the outside or is a little island created in the middle? It's a rule that's led to schisms in the stone clearing community.

Different religions have come out of that. Some say they must never build a cane in the centre of a field that's field not sealed. Others say yes, you can build a cane in the middle of the field as long as it is clear of the crops part. I feel that is all we're trying to do. The stones are clear.

They're just the same. They're happy. They say this. I can still hear them saying thanks Richard. Thanks for getting this off. I'm not in the sexual way. So who's to say? Who's to say what this pleasure is?

Who's to say how stones enjoy themselves? I would say I've never seen a stone spunk up. But perhaps they enjoy carnal delights in a different way to you and I. Some say I've never seen a woman spunk up apart from those who do shoot out liquid. Are you saying they don't orgasm rich? No, I'm not.

I'm the point I'm making. The point I'm making is we orgasm in different ways. And just because you've never made a stone orgasm doesn't mean it's not possible. Perhaps the problem is with you if you've never seen that. Yeah. Oh, not again my Apple iPods again. Letting me down.

Couldn't find my new up here. And I did just think as I set out I wonder if these have been charged recently. But I always seem to get through that. That's a little warning to me. I don't know if you hear it. I don't know if you even hear it. It's one of those sounds on the icon here.

I've got five stones for the stone pot. Let's get that out of the way. Oh, and there's a nice big stone that I've just cleared. And I've got a little stone. I've given myself a challenge this time. So I think I've made it too easy for myself recently. Dominic Cummings can. The path doesn't lead there anymore.

Good 15 meters away. And I don't think I can be bothered to go and put this on. Dominic Cummings can. So I'll just throw this. This doesn't count. I'll just throw that to the base of the stone pole. Oh, wow. It really hit the stone pole.

It doesn't count. Right. Here come my five. Miss. Wolfie's right in the way. Miss. Wolfie's right in the way. It's like a goalkeeper.

Oh, that was a bad throw. None out of three. None out of four. Could it be the mythical none out of five? It's none out of five. That one went right into the next field. Cummings was a disaster. Well, goal kept zero out of five.

I'm not sure that's ever happened before. Of course, I did throw six and the first one did fall right at the base. I don't think it even hit wood though. So potentially zero out of six. That means bad luck will come to us all. Unless I don't think you can assuage that bad luck entirely. But if you become a monthly badger or are a monthly badger, go past the site.com.

Right now, three pounds a month, you can protect yourself from the bad luck. You can increase your good luck. You'd also get membership cards, badges, extra videos, all sorts of stuff. Or if you're at Amazon Prime, why not? If you're at Amazon Prime and Amazon Gaming Accounts, and then subscribe to my twitch.tv. That's okay. Herring feed.

There are occasional same things on there. I know most of you find those a blast for me. And to the Lord of Audio, I need some place. But you can watch it if you want. And some of those are on YouTube as well. But you can watch them live. And you can give me money and give yourself good luck or less bad luck without any further cost to yourself.

Don't join Amazon Prime just because you're with Amazon Prime. No, Wolfie, don't eat dog. That's horse poo. Don't eat that. What's wrong with you? I know it looks delicious. It's a delicious steaming pie, isn't it? But it's made of horse feedings.

It's a circle of life, isn't it, Wolfie? They're pooing out some good stuff there, aren't they, those horses? Some tasty treat for a little dog. Have we feed you at home, Wolfs? You've got some lovely kibble waiting for you at home. What's wrong with you? Here we are at the main can. Stretching quite a long way along this side.

Going up in the middle, there it is. Some big chunky stones on right on the top. And I think the future I could just go swimming in Anglo-Saxon. I hope one day I will be there. That's my wish. Let my wife know. If I die, just immediately treat my wife. The minute you're here, say he wants to be buried underneath his can.

You don't know what that is because he's never told you about it before. He's a clear stone. Sorry about your loss and everything, but you know, this is more important than your grease. There we go. A stone has got a throne of stone. One little stone towards the wall coming down the hill. It didn't go right on top. I didn't place it.

Just throw another place there. That's a bona fide way of clearing stones. Oh! I nearly slipped in the mud there. That could have been a bit of... Could have won a podcast award there. I'd have fallen over. Then described what it would have been like because you can't see.

There was a definite slip, which is still funny in itself. That is not all work down here. It's not all seriousness about stones. We can have a laugh sometimes. And I'm sure a lot of you are laughing at me. Slightly slipping there, but not actually falling over. We're covering my balance and carrying on. One of the funniest things known to man.

It will be... Don't check me up with a lead after all of that. That would be funny if I'd just... That would be hubris. So I've added a little stone to another stone there. If you come down here, that's a two stone can. That's how it grows. That's how we grow.

You might say, oh, there's only one person living on this planet. But then they have a baby. I'm not sure how that happens. There's two people then. I mean, I guess it's kind of paper over it, but there must be some incest. They're right at the start, but once that incest is over and there are enough people, then that can stop.

The incest can end. And then we create more human beings. We're coming down to the ditch to stop Brexit. I know a lot of you are still angry. Please don't be angry. Just wait and see what happens. I'm digging up trees. Is that a stone?

Is that not a beet, is it? Jesus Christ. That looks so much like a stone. That'd be an arrowhead from Neonific Times here. Probably worth. The historical value is huge, if this is what I think it is. None of them matter. It has to go.

Someone's kicked their football down there as well. I'm not going to get that back reasonably. That's the other side of the fence. That's on the ditch to stop Brexit. Brexit will be stuck, my friends. I don't know when. I don't know how. It seems to be going pretty well at the moment.

All the vaccines and stuff. We're really sticking it to the Europeans. And the effect of an onyx, black stone, and another quite chunky, small stone. But on the larger sides are small. And they're going to go on my up for an omega-ken. Which I can see all the way from here. It must be 20 meters from it.

And it's poking above the grass. Like a Mount Everest. I don't know if to scale the grass would be like a mile high or something. But that could have dug bucks in the distance. I'll just do this. I'm going to have a quick look at your emails. I know there's been a lot of celebrity emails recently.

I want you to be reassured. I'm not just reading out the celebrity ones. Your little people, all your emails are equal to me. And no one is more important than the stone thing. There's no stone is more important than another. Except the big ones are better, aren't they? That's what I'd say. A very dirty hand.

I'll be washing that one again. So let's have a look at our first email through. Beware of the dog. Beware of the dog. Might be a nickname. His surname is of the dog. Beware of the dog. No, not related to him as far as I know.

Of the dog. It's O-V-F-E-D-O-G-G. Probably Russian. Beware of the dog. You alright? There's another dog that we can hear. The dog that people want me to beware of around here. It says I live in Russia.

That's it, I was right. I am related to Vladimir Putin. I'm his legitimate son. Oh, good. So there is a celebrity here as well. Even though I didn't pick it for that. I didn't know that until I read it. I'm worried about the COVID implications of stone cladding.

Is it possible that you could catch COVID or other ancient viruses from the stones that might destroy humanity? Well, I hope so. That's my sincere hope and wish. But what I'm doing here will destroy or fail humanity and return stones to that overlord chip of the world. We've got a van coming right up our arse here. Just as cars go past.

It's my sincere hope and wish. But you can't think about that. Again, your life is not important in the grand scheme of things. You must not think of your own life as something that has gone. It's something that a hundred years time you won't be here. So why are you worried about being here now? That's what I say, the wear of the dog. In England that is a bit funny because that means at a sign you put up if you ever

have a sort of viscous dog of some kind in your house and you don't want it running out the door. So you probably didn't realise that but making quite a lot of my, give me a little bit of a laugh because as I put the poo in the bin, I always forget which pocket I put the key in. I've got like seven or eight pockets. You'd think I'd just put it in the same one so I remember. And I do but I still always look at the wrong ones first.

So I hope you've had a good stone day with me today. Come on Wolves! Delighted to fill the bins but also got a bit of dog poo in the bin. Didn't have to go to the dog poo bin. The woke brigade would be in touch to tell me that that's wrong. It's politically incorrect to put dog poo in the human bins. I've done it and I'll put it here and wash my hands just for those years. So any viruses that I might have cooked up by each and viruses from windmill

or whatever. I've got my head in here and get a handful of fingernails, get the dirt out of there like the bloke from the dig did when he was going for dinner with his posh friend. Well I hope you enjoyed that. We'll be back with chapter 9-3 very soon. And do enjoy your stone clearing. Do let me know how you're getting on.

Bye! Don't lift them to your underpants. Lift them to the stone. Lift them to the stone. And they in turn I'll lift them to you. My friend, my fine friend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring. I'd meet Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog and that nice stone starzy lady,

a man in a van behind me near the end. Two big dogs that Wolfie got friendly with and some lady stone starzy in the distance. It was alright with me and some stones. Some spunking stones. The music is by my cough grade. The voice of the patones is my call for him. Lift them to the stone, my friend.

And they foul thing year merry does. Don't lift them to the berth and truth. Don't lift them to your underpants. Lift them to the stone. Lift them to the stone. And they in turn I'll lift them to you. My friend, my fine friend.