Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 94

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

Chapter 94 - Vandalf. Richard is on his first official audio chapter since the stone gods decided to teach him a lesson about removing stones. It should be a happy occasion, but some person or force has gone out of their way to turn his world upside down. Trigger warning - those concerned about the welfare of stones should not liften. But this is worse than having cancer. And also very disrespectful to the memory of the original stone clearer Michael (RIP). We will overcome my friends. This is like when the pretend God tested Job. Obviously stone clearing is always serious, but this is a more serious one. Why hast thou forfaken me?

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Come on in sweetheart good girl What? What are you wolfing at? You crazy diamond Alright we'll check this car Wolfie Harris Watch out there's a car there don't run into the road Hello Wolfie hold up Dog's very excited today and I think you know why

It's her return to the station She's been away I've been away But I'm back And I'm full of crack It's April 15th I haven't got my watch on I'm gonna say it's about 8am The sun is up it's shining

It's Chapter 94 my fan friends We're coming up Duckett's Passage Traveling deep into the medieval past And it's good to be back Not just for Wolfie for me too He's pulling very keenly on this lead I did a spreading time special That was videoed last week but this is the first

This is a return to the chapters We should be at over chapter 100 by now That's the frustrating thing But sometimes the real world impinges Sometimes the stone gods Send you a lesson about your stones To remind you you're thinking too much Of the non-stone world and not on the stone world

And they punish you Or teach you a lesson And then forgive you And let you back So if you saw the video episode or listened to it You'll know that the field has been plowed Just around the edge The middle is full of grass

But we've got a sort of 3m strip Around the edge which is a little bit like a stone Christmas a stone used to A lot of stones revealed Taking a put on the alphanomage ones More than I can really cope with Just bodied a nice one Hoping a little way out

Just a stone lying atop the soil Bit of flint Not sure when you chuck those It nearly hurt myself Some big bits of stone here The music that they've been throwing Back onto the field by someone else Scattering of nice sized stones here

I don't remember seeing the other day As they've been throwing off my can And the can's still there I think There's some more there Someone's been chucking them back on Could be Could be I mean there's more here than look like

Would be here naturally And yes I don't really see where they would have Particularly come from I wouldn't have thought the farmer would appreciate These huge lumps of stone Just where they're about to drive machinery over It's a bit weird I mean this is very strange

I wonder what's going on I can't see any of my cans I've been particularly disturbed That there's definitely a lot of Big chunks of stone thrown on top of the soil Is it all over? I mean it's kind of people to come here The can's on but

Gives me something else to do I'll just do the poop Good girl Hold on girl Hold up That's got to go in my poop pocket more of a girl That's a real wet one Real wet one in long grass

Very hard to deal with I've got as bad as I can In circumstances Right well I hope you're all well I've got a poo in my pocket Another euphemism Just a bit confused about this sudden influx Of masonry and stones

There's some nice ones I'm just wondering if someone spread them on here To replenish the supply Or whether someone's pulling my Throwing my stones back It's very strange I don't, I think they must have come off a Off a truck

This here, look at the size of this baby Poor That was kind of them I'm going to leave some of them just in case They're right there for a reason Because they don't feel, they feel like Some kind of stone starzy trap Rather than something I should

Be worrying myself about It could just be they've all been tossed up by The plough but they weren't here last week And also they're all really just on top of the ground It feels like a trap Or if we see any grabs She's doing a wee Just full of effluent this girl

Oh and there is a bit more I think maybe they've just cut up There's a bit more of the ground Has been cut up here As we move onwards Unless stones scatter and scattered here I mean if the farmer's going to keep putting Stones on

That's going to make my job a lot harder So onwards Onwards and upwards There's some missing there So there was some under that Under that seat and they're all gone So maybe someone has put it upon themselves To have them do my work

But that won't stop me Just more stones to clear More stones to clear Let's have a look at the can In the corner of the field That's looking It's hard to say Looking fairly good

I hope they haven't destroyed my main can Whoever's done this evil work It's Stone stars are getting a little bolder They think they've pinned it on me But They'll never catch me Anyway this bit looks normal

Just regular stones scattered That one went right down the bank No stone stars inside again With the whole of last week's Expedition and just Bill Woddy Turned up at the end, didn't he? But That's done

That was a beach I was just a beach One beach of survival It's off the field now I guess I always knew it was a possibility That someone would try to undo the work But don't they know not what they do? It'll be very bad for the local area

This one day will be an amazing tourist spot Of course, people come from miles around To see what I have done What I have wrought But There's always going to be vandals Their work can quickly be undone I have more patience than they will ever have

And it's actually a pleasure to Re-clear the bigger stones This is looking a bit empty of stones up this bit I mean if you were going to chuck some stones on I'd put them up here But It's not what the stones down there have dictated It's not a dog poo, right?

It's a dog poo in my pocket So, yeah, well It's been quite a year for me so far I can't believe we're halfway through April I guess I've lost a little time As well as a little piece of myself And all I really think about is the

The stones I could have cleared in that time That's my only regret Stone stars remember in the distance on the path I think heading in the other direction So there are people out here Maybe they've gone to sort of technical surveillance Maybe they used the time I was away to institute

A different way of observing me Or maybe they've just thought This over is whoever it was has gone We can relax A bit of the... Oh, that one's going into the singing ring entry And a nice bit of Roman villa hill That's a huge chunk of Roman villa

That's going into the singing ring entry as well Around the field we go Where it stops, nobody knows No fairy folk today And a good day, I'm feeling pretty fit I've done a couple of runs Good I've got your fitness pack up I thought it would take longer

Because nice round, stretched egg shapes And a nice girth to it A nice bit of hunk on it But surprisingly quickly I've managed to get back into What feels regular fitness I've run 4k Don't have a lot of long walks

Some stone stars The king of the stone stars All the Labradors I think he's heading in the wrong direction On the wrong field Maybe having moved The retention to that field I think they've sorted this one out

And we plow Wolfie's on the lead today She's been a little bit A couple of nice stones On her, a little mini kind of elephant there She's been a bit feisty Since she came back I think a little bit confused

She's settling back in She's away for 2 months With my in-laws She missed the stone filling as much as me She likes putting them back But I wouldn't be surprised if it was her That's come as we last couple of months And just put them back one by one with her

Dog mouth So we'll get back and monitor the stringer This as we go So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back

So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back So we'll get back

So we'll get back I'm going to silence this Our friend sometimes be silent Just smells a dog pee And that's no good is it Right we're up to the corner of the field Surprisingly little in the way of stones here But loads of the tiny stones

Just chuck one off And we're getting close to episode 100 Chapter 100 I should say So the lessons will ramp up In difficulty Very soon We're still on the In the intermediate level here

And I think it takes 100 chapters To really even just start To get to grips with what's going on here Over the next 100 Over the next 100 I can start giving you some tips That's swiping more complex Just a lot of medium sized stones here

A little bit of red plastic I'm not going to get involved with that A little bit of throwing Test the stitches And on to the hard Baked path that leads to the Central can I'm only in the

Sun Scatter across the top Gettable from here Still one goes flying Into the edge row There we go I picked this baby up Quite a long way away But that's a nice little hand sized stone

Just picked me to be in the palm of my hand My tiny hand Red-hatted stone stars With a dog wearing A matching necktie for a red Coming round A bit too late around the field Maybe a trump supporter

It's a terrible thing If the stone stars Have merged With the trump fans And we could be in a lot of trouble That would explain the weird occurrences We've already seen here today This is very interesting

That's our domes I'm having to pass a lot of insolence here Because the red-hatted Is trying to make The field great again He's Ironically a trump fan trying to stop me Building a wall

And that's the delicious iron Looking way at me If I was way in some way Come on over Come on I've just got my one mill stone with me That I've carried three quarters of the way Across the field

I thought it was close to the edge It's going to take pride in placing the hurdle This guy is going to come out I'm wearing a trainess today It's so dry I was going to come out with that coat Oh, another stone star is he wearing an orange coat A dog the size of a small cow

And judging from this distance Again, I'm not really Going to give him any bother And that My central came looking good Two more stones and another stone star is he In the wrong place They're

Assembled They're confused They're forgetting how to do this And they're missing out quite badly Sounds a bit me And we follow the pilgrim trail that's been here For 10,000 years Leaving to the

Stone Pole The pilgrim trail leading to the Dominic Cummings Monument Memorial Cain at Cannes Fat Sandwich Fages And gone It just shows how Different saints have generated at different times Dominic Cummings was a big deal last year

This year The pilgrim is not interested Maybe they've seen through What he was Who he'd become Nice, very much like A couple of good slingshots here And put in mind of King David

Very good stone clearer Actually only killed Goliath He was just clearing stones From a distance using a sling Goliath got in the way The rest is History at all And the big dog

The big cow shaped sized dog Actually bound him around quite quickly Orange jacket They're wearing very If they do go this way this could They don't get off this could Impede on the I think he's coming this way

They're good well played Hell, there's someone else coming in as well There's something for chat This could be my moment Well, they're doing better Than I thought Stone Starzy Actually just ruined everything

Couldn't actually stop me doing the stone coal But I think I'm going to do it quickly As long as this conversation lasts a little while I've got my 5 bits of ammo I think I did 4 out of 5 Ah, no he's coming No, he's going back Nuts, nuts, whole hazel nuts

I'm going to have a look at the Dominic Cummings cane I think someone might have destroyed it There are more stones here Scattered on the field Ah, this is a sad day for stone clearing Dominic Cummings cane Destroyed Yeah

Jesus I'm going to go hide in the woods until this guy goes past Hope he doesn't come off in here Ah, well that's very sad news I'm a bit nervous about going to look at the main cane now Well it's terribly sad isn't it Somebody has taken upon themselves To undo my work

I worked for 2 years And I've done Drunk in a few minutes Has he gone by? Has he stopped again? Well you know I've had cancer this year And this is Actually worse than cancer

What's happened today on the field Very very upsetting Very upsetting for Dominic Cummings What's he done to deserve that? What's happened to his scarf that was there? Has that guy gone past? The scarf is hanging in the Yeah it's gone past the scarf

Hanging in the tree next to it Wow Super sad And I think they've actually moved all the stones From around the stone pole Which is incredibly bad luck But also gives me lots of ammunition for future goes So that's not so bad

Those are big ones Let's go to the stone pole Very upsetting out here 1 out of 1 1 out of 2 3 2 out of 4 3

Out of 5 It's a lucky day And the chappaturi think stones back off the field It won't take me long to repair this damage But It's still quite annoying Oh That and the day had to come

I mean the stone stars They've been playing it quite cool really When you think about it When throwing stones back is quite an obvious way of progressing What are we going to see up here? Is that the glint of stones By my

Main can Ah This will board another Dog coming this way Not only are they destroying my work They're plaguing me with Dogs, I don't like the look of the number of stones On this

Just by the main can I'm going to get out into the field To get out the way of this dog That's the one with The The red and the chivo Oh yes it's the Ah no

Come on Come on Wolves Come on Yeah I'm alright, how are you? Good A little bit But I'm feeling not better

Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, no it should be fine It's a little A little snip And then hopefully it's all out Yeah Come on Wolves Come on Wolves

Alright we've got to take a picture of this Oh man That's just Absolutely heart breaking Still some stones there But it's right back to the basics And someone's just Chapped all these stones

Now it's nice that Stone Star's a guy to Inquire after my health I'm going to start putting these back Because You know We can play this game forever, can't we? Next time I'm going to take the stones off the field

We're going to go back Well No, my heart's broken here guys This is an act of war And I would just imagine Unless it is the farmer doing it himself But this would be incredibly annoying In terms of

Attempting to drive his vehicles Around this part of the field But maybe I'm wrong Oh man There's some beauties out here It's nice to see them again They've chopped them all over as well It's nice work from this

Furious Person And you can hear from my silence How upset I am by this It's just That it's the same as people going to art galleries Deciding to Draw

And paper and painting Smash sculptures You know It's just that it's the same as people going to art galleries Deciding to Draw And paper and painting Smash sculptures

Shoot at sculptures Come on We'll get these another day Heading down Well Who would have thought it Who would have thought it would come to this I

I hope the dish that stopped brexit is still In one piece it'll be harder to do that you'd need to go into a ditch to get those out and they're much smaller stones it's really the big stones that have been chucked back on. Of course I'm doing the work of Michael as well, desecrating the work of a dead man who thought he's, he'll be remembered for all time, breaks a ditch, still looks okay to be for that, so that's okay a couple more going there. Wow, I don't even know if I've got the energy to read our emails after this. They've worked hard there, quite a lot of work someone's put in to do this, so slightly terrifying for me.

Good, right here we are, this is the Alpha and Omega Can, could this be the end of stone clearing as we know it? Perhaps it could. We're down Duckett's Passage now, we're off the field, let's have a look at the emails. I don't know emails have come in this week, so I've got to remember I've got a big un-pushet in my pocket and I think I'll take that to the dog poo bin, the responsible dog in there. Heartbreaking, heartbreaking episode of the heartbreaking chapter, heartbreaking undoing, it's almost like my life will now be meaningless, what have I left behind if I don't have my cans? Nothing. Well, I think we'll leave it there, kids have two to accept to carry on. Do take care of yourselves, obviously unless you can afford security for your field, this could happen to any of you.

I suppose it's a single lesson, it's a lesson that I wouldn't like to have put later in the chapters. I don't want to put off any newbies, they were only just tuned into 94 episodes, but this can happen. You have to do your best, you have to do your best. Alright, enjoy your stone clearing, see you next, it applicable. Don't listen to the birds and trees, don't listen to your underpants, listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my pine twend. Stone Clearing with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog, and that nice Trump man who was concerned about my health and some other people and a horrible vandal. The music is by Mike Coffgrave, the voice of The Tones is Michael Faheen.

Don't listen to the birds and trees, don't listen to your underpants, listen to the stone, listen to the stone, don't listen to the birds and trees, don't listen to your underpants, listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my pine twend.