Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 97

Episode Date: May 14, 2021

Chapter Ninety-seven - Bubblef - It's 8.30am on 14th May 2021 and it's grey and drizzly, but it's one of the last few beginner chapters and soon we'll be moving on got intermediate stone clearing. So buckle up. For now we're talking about folly fins and the power of the rain to cleanfe the fuperior life formf, where the foul of the stone doth refide and how everything if bubbles. There's a couple of celebrity emails and the name of the blafphemer doth come up for the firft time in a while.

Stone Clearing with Richard Herring Why don't you sit down so that I can put your lid on? You can't go still and put your lid on. That's a good girl. Do you understand? Do you understand English? Yes, I do. Alright, here we go.

Two, three, four. Right, my friend, my fine friend, it is Friday the 14th of May. It's 8.30am. My dog has just seen another dog. This is Chapter 97 of Stone Clearing with Richard Herring. Getting very close to the Intermediary Chapters. From 100 to 200, those will be upping the level of expertise a little bit. We're just from the beginners, these first hundred podcasts just for the beginners.

Heading up Duckett's Passage, it's a grey day. It's a drizzly. My daughter thought it was snowing this morning. What a fucking idiot. In the middle of May, less than two months to my 54th birthday, time passes on. I started Stone Clearing as a young man of 51 or 52. I can't even work with 51 maybe. Now look at me.

One testicle, nearly 54. But everything's going okay. There's no more incidents of stone stars. They seem to have backed off somewhat, generally. And the Stocean is a sea of green. Wolfie's pulling. He's going to let her off the lead. There's no one around.

Right, Wolfs, come here. Wolfie, come here. Come here. Come here. I'm going to let you off the lead, you monster. Come on. Now, don't attack anyone or anything. Right, a couple of stones here from the periphery for the alphanum we can, of course.

That's just basic stuff. And the pathway is quite littered with little stones. Just a kick will get most of those out of the way. And, I mean, the crop's almost robust enough to stand between now, but it's not quite so. It'll all be edge work. There's a lot of stones here, like more than I've ever seen. Well, apart from that time, you know, when the guy chucked them all back on again. Taken off a few smallers.

Nice round gray there. It's an unusual color. Hard to spot the grays, obviously, sometimes. Even harder to spot the soil color stones. Beautiful meadow of purple and blue flowers there. One of my kens is hidden amongst those flowers now. We'll be just doing a wee. Gotta keep an eye out for that.

That's for the fishinados of the dog pooping podcast. It doubles up, as. Mainly kicking today, but don't forget the kick. Don't forget that weapon in your arsenal. A lot of people think, well, pick a throw. Pick and throw, no. The kick is good. Saves your back.

It's also a good exercise. And that's, of course, one of the many benefits of stone clearing is the value of exercise. Oh, look. Are we still going? Cause my fingers fell out. I hope we're still attached. Let's just have a look. Looks like we're still going.

Yeah. Well, hopefully it's still working. How much is stopping? Okay, I'm back. Wolfie's just done a poo. You just missed it. Sorry. That was bad timing.

She did it out in the field. I'm not even allowed to go out there, even if I wanted to. And I obey the rules of the field. As you, of course, can respect the countryside. That's what this is all about. All right. Safe out there. Nice, almost oval cut off.

It used to be oval this particular stone. Caramel brown. That's off the field now. That's off the field. And where it should be. Wolfie eating a bit of crop. Don't eat the food. Don't eat the farmer's food.

Wolfie. That's not even a good bit. I presume it's growing underground. Wherever this is, we'll find out in a few months. That's part of the excitement of stone clearing. What's the crop this year? Hopefully not beets. I don't think it is beets.

If it is, it's some kind of grassy beets. I'm unaware of. Drizzle coming down now. And that's never a particularly nice moment for any stone clearer. The stones need the rain to grow. Also, the rain cleanses them with their foily fins. Of course, many fish have foily fins as well, don't they? Fins that look like foil.

But that's not what I'm talking about. No time for jokes. Even as brilliant as that one. Foily fins are what we're talking about here. No stone should really ever touch soil. Let alone be covered in it. It's just excreta of organic materials. And stones are pure.

I don't want to get into the eugenics of all this, but basically, all organic stuff must be destroyed and stones are the only true life form. Let's not get into that. That's for intermediary lessons. Just taking a little mini-Hasselhoff out to pick up. I'd say some more large. One small, medium stone. Always some nice ones there as well.

There's a nice bordering on medium, but I think still just in the small camp. Another one, almost the same volume, just a slightly different shape. They'll go on the camp in the corner of the field, which we're now approaching. I don't know what the stones did to the stone gods to be cast out into the worst possible environment, the soil. But one man is here to rescue them. To rescue them and make them pure again. Of course, the ones at the bottom of the cans are still technically touching soil,

but that's by and by. The ones on the top are clear. The only touching stone. Right, I'll get Wolfie back on the lead. See that nice little bit of freedom. My fingers unsurprisingly thick with mud. It's a muddy environment. It's good for, you know, you can get the stones out pretty easily without any recourse to the trowel.

It's kicked up a almost cuboid stone, but it's a natural one. It's not part of the Roman villa or the medieval windmill or whatever it was up there. It was once there and is now destroyed. Deftroid moving into Anglo-Faxon because of course that's we all, from episode 101 we'll be talking only in Anglo-Faxon. So do try and learn it before then if you haven't got it already. Quite a complex language. Oh, that makes feeling a little bit today.

I went on to run yesterday, followed immediately by a nice big stone there. The periphery of this field has changed. Farmers cut it right back. And so cairns that work quite a long way from the edge are now very close to the edge. And that one's slightly, ironically slightly buried. But it's a huge stone there. If you probably listen back you can find the episode where I, the chapter where I revealed that one. Might have been one that got cleared when it was not recording.

So we're going to go the long way around today. Let's get some exercise. Gotta push on. Have some quiet time if you want. We don't have to talk all the time. If I'm feeling this one isn't recording. Terrible, terrible feeling. Stop eating the grass wolves.

You lunatic. And another foily photon that I've just picked up, which I will although it's a little walk away. I'll put this on the can opposite the main can. The main can back to its glory, previous glory. So obviously there's photons in a slightly different order, which is upsetting to me. They were placed in that order for a reason, but it's not possible to reconstruct as it exactly was. Right, we're heading up now. We've passed the can opposite the main can.

There's a nice photon buried a little bit in the path, but they easily kick up a ball. And that's into the next little bit of dog out there. Good girls. Good girl. Stay here. Good girl. So what else have I got to tell you? Not too much. In fact in this part of the field the crops are right up to the edge. There is actually no way of not walking on the exterior crops here.

They're on the path. They're crushed beneath the jackboot as we go. A piece of paper there. That's not really my prerogative to destroy to get that off the field. That will fade away of its own accord, but don't throw paper on the field please. Plastic or any kind of material. And if you see stones on the field please take them off the field. The owner of that dog I saw is now crossing the field.

It's come the wrong way. First stone Stasi of the day wearing one of those hats with the flaps on the side. I used to have one of those for a comedy character I used to do called Cecil Massey. He was an old Somerset man. Can't remember. Can't remember too much about what he used to say. He came from ancestor. It was a titanic community. Another stone Stasi coming down the path on the side. They're back.

They've given me my leeway and now we're back. Morning. Wobby, stay here. Good girl. Wobby. Coming to the Finging Ring tree. The Finging Ring tree. Stone Stasi lady.

Just missed time to assault. Lots of ammunition here. And not that we need ammunition to throw out the elves and flattery folk. Just using that in a metaphorical sense. Here we go. Could today be the day number one? No. Number two. Didn't really hit the mark. Number three.

No, it's not there. There's a nice big stone that I think again may have been cleared before. It's just right at the edge of the field where the clow has done her work and cuts too harshly into the border. Makes more work for the stone killer, which is probably what the farmer is trying to do. If he can keep me occupied at the edge of the field in the center of the field will remain full of stones as the farmer wants. Working so far for him after just approaching over two and a half years of this we've been doing.

Never lose faith. You will clear the field. It seems impossible. It seems like you're making no impact. Or a jogger heading across there. Really out today. Stone Stasi jogger. Clearly never jogged in their life before. Struggling.

They're heading across the diagonal. Again, I think they're going to miss me. They're mistiming it. They're out of practice. Oh, he does have a dog with him. Look at these big stones on the edge of the field. This isn't right. We should have been cleared a long ago.

Every stony in this particular part. Easy to lose heart. Easy to think there's no way I can do this. And also think about the stones beneath the ground that will be pushed up. Words by the natural growth of stones plus caught in the plough future. Farmers who don't even live yet. Probably some kind of futuristic plough. Some kind.

I don't know. I can't read the future. I can only read the past. Nice flat bit of flint there. Would be great for skimming across a river. Big maybe. Definitely been cut by a plough at some point. That's sad to see.

But the stones, they cannot be destroyed. They just grow. And when the stone is cleft in twain. Where does it personality reside? Does it become two of the same stones with the same mind? Or separate stones? The philosophers have argued about this for a long time. It's like an amoeba when the amoeba splits.

Do both amoebas have memories of the parent amoeba? Or is one of them a child? It's like when universes bubble up and explode. Some survive. Everything's bubbles. That's what I've realized in this world. Everything bubbles and splits. Cleft in twain.

Just as you as you live your life. And you split into the alternate universe. Both those use will be you, exactly you. And then they'll grow apart. And learn their own experiences. Slightly change. Go their different paths. That happens infinite number of times.

Every moment. Not even every second. You're just a bubble, my friend. Just a bubble. Bubbling through the sink of life. Like some, like washing up liquid. Some of you will endure. Some of you will clump together and survive.

One of you will be the last bubble to burst. All the bubbles in you. That's the way I look at it. I'm sure this is making sense to you. It's all bubbles. Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles. And especially Jane Horrocks. She's an absolute fabulous.

She's a special. It's especially true for just taking a little walk out as we get to the edge into a promising little, you know, woofies in the way of this. Nice to throw it over in a different direction. Don't worry, she was never in danger. There's a nice. First, biggest out of the day.

Not particularly big, but it's definitely medium, medium. Big enough that I'll just carry that and place it in the wall between the two fields. The next field also seems to have similar crop to this one this time, grassy crop. Who knows what it'll be, not me. Maybe not even the farmer, maybe just check from seeds and see what happens this time.

That's what I like to think will happen. All stones here, just everything is a stone. All I can do is toss the occasional one off. Oh, come on, grow up. Grow up. It's not that kind of podcast. Just makes me sick when people like you are sniggering. There's nothing funny about this,

how many times I have to tell you how long I have to go on before you get it into your thick heads. 97 chapters plus the summertime special. Plus, of course, all those ones we did at this time last year. We're going daily on video. There's been a lot of content for you. I hope you enjoyed it. Remember, you can become a monthly badger.

Go fastestripe.com. Help our podcast empire keep going and growing. Oh, that's a nice one that's calling to me. This looks like the end of a leg bone. It's not, it's a stone. If I wouldn't take a bone off here, I'm not stupid unless it was petrified and fossilized. Wolfie thinks it's a bone, she's getting excited.

There's a long walk to the central Canberra. That's where this baby's going to join his sibling stones. And do listen out. There's a lot of noise today. And you cannot answer every call on every single trip. You must be patient. You must not be complacent. I'll go back to the, right back to the early days.

Be patient, don't be complacent. There are no rules to stone clearing. That's actually the first rule of stone clearing. Second rule, be patient, don't be complacent. That goes right back. That actually predates the first rule. But it's still the second rule. Again, another stone calling to me.

I don't know why this one has succeeded, but he has. Look at him. Brown is the earth. And inside, a soul of black flint. Very much like the stone stars. You'd think the stone stars, you would like stones. They like the stones are cold. Their hearts are often black.

They like lying in fields in the rain. Very similar. They have stone in their name. You'd think they would get on, but no. Stone stars, they don't care about the stones. They claim to. They say, well, the stones need to stay on the field. They provide nutrients.

That's what they say. But, you know, what a backward philosophy that is. Drainage. It needs drainage. Yeah, not on some top, mate. And also, water drains. Oh, shit. There's a stone star that's coming.

I think I'll get to the central can before they do. They seem to have stopped. And I can divert away. Oh, she's going the other way. She's turning around. Fearful, I think. She was coming this way, definitely. Saw me coming.

Sized me up. Saw, maybe saw the stones in my hand. Thought, if I call anything out here, bang, that's coming down on my noggin. I'll be dead, buried amongst the growing crops. And I'm going to find me till cloud time. Then no one will be able to identify me from that. I just assume I disappeared. The thoughts that have gone through her had not mine.

I wouldn't have seen it. Luckily, I don't know if it was me. She doesn't know I'm a man of peace. I would never even think of doing those things. I couldn't even cross my mind. And we're at the central can. There's two stones. Only two because we were nearly made.

But I have turned a few of the stones near the can. Four or five got on, but it's a shame when you don't get the ones from the middle of the field. So arguably, you know, again, I know it's controversial, the central can. They are arguably staying on the field, but not to my mind. They're off to my mind. Coming down to the wards, the stone pole. It's been so beautiful the last few weeks. The sun has been shining the green grass and crops around my house.

The little valley I'm in. It's beautiful. The trees bedecked with their hoarish clothing, leaves, tantalising. Ah, she's not coming this way. I thought you were going back that way to avoid me. Very clever. The dog was coming this way. The dog was keen to engage.

She went back on a diagonal and then turned right. So that could involve us meeting her, but she's turned again. Again, the dog is braver than the Stone Starzy. Maybe a new Stone Starzy member doesn't recognise that she's actually going back across the diagonal now. So she can claim that she has done her job. And she goes back to the Stone Starzy base. Her track here will show her having crossed. But she won't have to admit that she can say,

Oh, the dog ran off. I went and got the dog. And then they came back. No, he wasn't. What? No, he wasn't around. What? No, I've just found a nice little enclave again halfway back across this field.

They're a little bit big for stone pole stones, but I'll make do. Makes it a little bit too easy for me. They're still small, large, I would say. You should have your chart by now. If you're a real stone clearing Fischianano, you can look at the chart and it gives you a real life. It's a very big chart because of course it has to have every size of stone. And so there are stones the size of Mount Everest, for example, on that chart. You have to fold it out a bit to get to that one.

But I probably won't be clearing anything of that size on the field. So you can come straight on the lower end of your chart that I hope you have. If you haven't got it, please go to theopastore.com slash stone chart. It's 500 pounds per chart. Obviously it's still a lot of paper. And yet there could be one with the size of the planet Earth and the moon and all the planets on it. And the stars, which also make the solid stone. But come on, don't get pathetic.

Right, we're at the stone. It's a good time to go fastestrack.com slash badges. Because I'm about to do the stone pole. Wolfie, other way. Wolfie tried to distract Wolfie. Oh, it's a miss. It sounds like a hit, but it's a miss. Hit the other pole.

Oh, hit the other pole again. That's two out of two for the wrong pole. Oh, that just almost hit the top of the pole. But I don't think it did. Nought out of three. Hit the barbed wire and went to the next field. Nought, one out of five. I mean, it's bad, but very bad news, but it could have been a lot worse.

Right, I'm just going to try and get some of this dirt off my fingers. I don't know why, because there's going to be more dirt coming onto my fingers, isn't it? So sorry about that. That's bad luck. We'll all be coming your way. Of course, you can counteract some of that bad luck by subscribing on Twitch. Twitch.tv slash RK Herring. If you're with Amazon Prime, you can subscribe at no cost to yourself.

Just remember to go back every month, as many of you are not doing. Or you're going to go for strike.com slash badges. Three pounds, five pounds, 10 pounds a month, whatever you want. Three pounds gets you the same as everything else. It's like a different color badge. And then if you do it now, it'll be bad luck. We'll be abated just average luck. Won't take you to good luck, but if you put 10 pounds a month, then good luck.

If you enjoy these podcasts, I'm risking my life doing them. And the life of my family covers a crazy lot of enemies. If that's not worth three pounds a month for you, then who are you? What are you doing with your life? Equally, if you are just a stuntler who's stuntlers for the love of it and have no money as a result. Do not feel you have to give me any money. I'll only waste it making stupid podcasts. My headphones dying.

I've picked up the wrong ones. These are the useless ones. Even though they've been charging overnight. Don't have to charge in them. I think we'll get them. Usually we get home okay. Usually we get home okay. Onwards, Wolfie. Onwards.

Onwards, my steed. It's all bubbles. I thought I had a cuff. That could be a stone stasi. They're giving away their position. Let's see. Central can looking good. A very small stone added to it.

There's no one here. If there was a stone stasi, they'd have nipped away. Down we head. We're on the way home. It's been a good walk. It's been an enjoyable podcast. I'm sure you'll agree. Little incident though.

For those of you who like incident and drama. Well, there's still time. Beautiful. The nettles having flowers. There's beautiful white flowers on some of the nettles. Holly growing even though it's not Christmas. Stupid Holly. Don't even know what time of year it is.

It's not in Berry of course. It's not that stupid. And the edge of the field covered in grass. But it's not the grass that is growing in the field, I would say. If anyone who's interested. I think we've escaped the stone stasi. I'm going to pick up a couple of stones here.

Again, all small. We haven't really gone above medium small to date. Still time. But it's not all about glory hunting. And as much as it's exciting to find a big stone, the small stones have to come off. And those that's the grunt work. Brian Bramble in New Zealand.

He's all about the big stones. Getting the accolades, finding the big ones, showing off about it. He doesn't understand what stone clearing is. His podcast is still going. I believe we're still more successful than this one. Because of that glory hunting. And thank you for sticking with me.

But remember, if you are listening to Brian Bramble's podcast, you must not listen to mine. That is a rule. There are no rules to stone clearing that is. That's the first rule. If I'm doing the second rule, you must not listen to Brian Bramble's podcast. That is a blasphemy to our Lord.

Our Lord G-Fifth. I'm not saying I'm G-Fifth. That's part of us to decide. Brian Bramble is definitely not G-Fifth, though. He's Judith, if anything. Once he came to me, sat at my knee to learn the art of stone clearing. I didn't realize that he would betray me.

It's a long story. You don't have time for it right now. The ditch will stop Brexit. A couple of stones gone in there. That should do the job. And back to the Alpha and Omega can. And then onward. Homeward bound.

Homeward bound. I find friends. So let's have a look at your e-mails. Got an e-mail here from... Sorry, just looking for the name. It's John Nettles. John Nettles again. It's me, John Nettles from Bergerac.

Hope you well. Sorry to keep sending your e-mails. I just love your podcast. What's the story about you and Brian Bramble? I've heard there's some history there between the two of you. Look, it's weird that you bring up Brian Bramble just after I mentioned him for the first time in months. I mean, I try not to give him the oxygen of publicity.

Took my ideas, went up and was much more successful with them. And then pretended they were all his ideas. It's happened to me a lot in my life. I've done the hard work. Someone else has just come in taking all the glory. But the thing is, John Nettles, as you know, life is ups and downs, isn't it? You get the glory sometimes,

but there are more important things, aren't there, John? I presume you've realised. I'm sure. One day you're Bergerac. And the next day, when you've made some of the murders, which is actually probably a bit better. And then the next day,

Nettles murders and on for a bit. You're just sitting in your house in Jersey with all the money you've got. They'll get to solve some crimes. You know what it's like, it's like that. That's what it's like. Thanks for your emails, John. Jimmy Carr, a bit in touch.

It's a high-rich, big fan of stone clearing. Well, I'm not appearing on stage in comedy shows. I'll have to listen to a bit of stone clearing. But unfortunately, I'm always appearing on stage and showing somewhere. I just am constantly working. I'm not showing off rich. I'm just saying this is how it is.

And you know, in a way, it's a burden, but mainly it's good due to all the money and stuff I've got. I don't have a question. I just wanted to let you know how well I was doing. That's not that. I thought Jimmy was a mate of mine, but it's a slightly unpleasant email. I've got dirty hands.

I'm going to open my gate to my house now. Brian Gates has been in touch. Four men this week. He's saying, I know it's weird, because my name's Gates that I should ask this question, but what's the best kind of gate to have if you're a stone clear? It doesn't matter that. It doesn't matter, Brian.

I've got like a big wooden one. You can lock it. Keep the riff off that. If there's any gate for your house, if you need it, don't put a gate in it. There's no wall. Okay. Right, let's go.

Thanks for listening. Enjoy your stone clearing. Goodbye. Listen to the stone, and they in turn, I'll listen to you, my friend, my fine friend.

Stone Cleen with Richard Herring starred me, Richard Herring and Wolfie the Dog, plus the stone-sarcy guy with the ear flaps. The lady who kept changing direction. The jogging guy. Might have been a couple of other people walking down the side. There were a few today, weren't there? The music is by Mike Cropgrade.

The voice of the Photon's is Mike or Faheen. Listen to the stone, my friend, and they foul thing near Mary does. Don't listen to the birth and truth. Don't listen to your underhand. Listen to the stone, listen to the stone, and they in turn foul listen to you,

my friend, my fine friend.