Stone Clearing With Richard Herring - Chapter 99

Episode Date: June 23, 2021

Chapter 99 - A Fea of Blood It's around about 5.40pm of the 22nd June 2021 and it's a relaxed evening stone clear as we come to the end of the beginner chapters and start to look forward with apprehension to what the intermediate chapters shall bring. A couple of advanced tips may frighten you, but otherwise it's plain sailing, watched over by the souls of a million fallen stone clearers. When will we fall and join the poppied dead? No one knows when, we only know that it muft come to paff. If you wish to sponsor Richard for his half-marathon run head to http://justgiving.com/monoball

Stone Clearing, with Richard Herring. Come on, big girl, here we go. Here we go, back around the field. Here, good girl. I'm going to set my walking app off. Whoops. Right, let's go. Good girl, wait, wait, wait.

Well, hello there, my finest friends. It's 1735. I think it's the 22nd of June. It's mid-state. We're going for a rare evening stone clearing lesson. We have to learn to clear stones. And every time of day, of course, we'll be all back. This is Chapter 99.

We're still on the beginners course. Don't worry. We've still got a couple more lessons at beginners before we go into the intermediate, slightly harder stone clearing, slightly more advanced. So you make sure you listen to all the first 100 before you move into lesson 101. It's Chapter, of course.

We're working on chapters here. And I have to tell you that we're not yet at the station. We're still on Duckett's passage. But I do know that the the station is absolutely covered in poppies. I didn't know so many stone clearers would guide here. And it's a beautiful thing. Beautiful sight, especially in the sunshine.

I'm a good man and woman. I've fallen. So there aren't stones on this field. I mean, there still are stones on this field. If you think about the many millions we've gone, it does make their lives seem somewhat pointless. We've just done a wee in the park. It's a big listening river.

You know, a yellow urine. Those interesting dog bowel movements. And I've picked them. It's not a bowel movement. It's a urinary tract movement. And I've picked up four small, small, smalls there to donate to the alphanomagic end. All right, well, so I'm going to let you off for a sec.

Don't know if we're going to do the long walk or the short walk. I've got to get back to bed time for the kids. I believe there's some football playing later, which some people think is more important than stones. Odd crop circle there in the weeds by the side of the stochens. I don't know what's happened there. Come on, Wolfsway. Wobby.

Wobby. Come here. Good girl. The ground conditions are slightly damp, firm. I'm wearing wellingtons, but don't need to pick up three flats here. One flat on both sides, one slightly sharp. Forest of weeds at the side of this field again. It's good cover for a couple of nice mediums here just right on the edge.

I'm still working mainly on the path right now just because the field is thick with crops. Some kind of wheat or barley. And of course poppy is as far as the eye can see. I've taken a photo for you, but I don't think you'll capture quite how many there are there. Another wee. A wee crazy. Loves wee in that dog. It's like it's going out of fashion.

It's an amazing thing to get to chapter 99. A lot of people, when I started doing this, said this won't last more than two or three chapters. I said to them, are you aware of who you're talking to? They said no. Jacket today is a little bit more face. It's a little Paul Smith trendy jacket. Actually, I can fit back into now because I've lost weight. Very quickly this week.

And yeah, so I think I've proven the naysayers wrong. What it is still the most popular stone cream podcast in the northern hemisphere. Brian Bramble. Oh, not only. It's not really a stone clear as much as personality. It doesn't really get out there anymore. Get his hands dirty. This house here. They're doing some building.

They're building a new wall in the back of their fence. And if they've thought about what they're doing. They're off these stones thrown up by the work. We'll move a few full view of the very court. My stone stars. He wasn't even out on the field. I throw those into the brambles free blackberries grow here every year. Just pop out, help yourself.

Stone clearers sustain themselves. Buries and crops that remain eating beets raw beats. Last year wasn't great. But they kept me going through the winter. Even though in the windstone, of course, they were very far from right. Or me coming. I'm going to too much. The crops are so high.

I can't see if anyone's coming. I don't want any fights. There's a lovely long grassy weeds there in my chucker. A nice flat when I've even falcon medium. Into there. We're getting through some. There's a lot of stones here. And we're working exclusively on the part still.

Really the days of hassle hoffing. How she does come. That's okay. I'm going to have the path clear. If you're going to have the field here, that is the. There's no rules to stone clearing. But that's actually the first round. I mentioned that.

Second rule. Before the field can be clear. Tomorrow. A rule per se. But it is also rule. And of course. People say that power would apply to other things. And we talking about metaphorical paths and field.

It only applies. To paths and fields must not be. Transposed across. Any other medium. So I think we will go up to the singing ringing tree today. I was asked today to. Provide a. Commentary or some blurb for.

Going singing ringing tree release on DVD. I never. Watched it. My singing ringing tree is different than the one. On the telly. Most of you will be too young to remember. I think I am too young to remember it. And I'm old.

I'm old as the hills. Yeah, it's been good. Good. The diet thing has been going well. About running. Remember if you're running, you can stop over now and again to move. Some bigger stones around. A few cans developing around the heart of your countryside.

Around 9.5 kilometers. Yesterday. Which is quite a long way. I think that's about. Six miles. So well on the way to the half. Math and distance which is still some way away. But it's important to stay fit.

And that's something. But I let slip a little. I do not intend to let that slip again. I've only got one more testicle after all. And. I don't need that. Or it's testosterone production and. No offense ladies.

And you can get testosterone injections. But you do need some testosterone to be able to. Thanks. Especially for in the. Panicky moments. When. The mobility lady scooter is. Bearing down new.

That sexist. Well. You know we're we're. Old fashioned. Breathe. Stone clear. I. Some people don't think women should be allowed out here at all.

I say let them come out. Pick up some of the smaller stones. Because I am forward looking. Really get these. It comes to equality. Out here. Oh shit. It's got stung by a nail.

Almost like I was being punished by the stone gods. All things are safe. Little. Pooh shaped. Stone. It is definitely a stone it's hard. I'm squeezing it just in case. And the can cross the way from the main can.

Is a completely hidden. You can hear the click click click. We're going up. We're going. On the way around like Charlie Borman. I'm Charlie Borman. And you are. You and McGregor in this relationship very much the.

Less popular figure. Well. Oh bum. Another bumblebee. Upon a flower. Gumbelge. On the run podcast. Ahem.

Oh please. I don't know where they've come from this year. It's at the field is like red with blood up there. The distance it looks more red than green. And I hope it's not foretelling of something. Awful to come. Oh nice. Small large they're just sitting in the middle of the path waiting for me.

Some of the stones will edge their way out. Knowing that I'm coming. Knowing that I will rescue them through the last little distance. They can roll a rolling stone. Gathers no moss. Or Gaffeth. Gaveth. No moss.

I mean there's not much left to say. I've done 99 chapters now of this for beginners. And. There's only so many times. You could say be patient. Don't be complacent. A rolling stone Gaveth. No moss.

There's only so many times. No stones passing around at all. I haven't been looking out too carefully. Lulled slightly into a false sense of security. I have just been rowing today. I rode six kilometers in half an hour. Not too bad a pace. And that's doing intervals and stuff.

Really. Building up my strength. I hope you will. Be as diligent. That is very much the next stage without giving too much away. Of going during years. Coming a superman or woman and not sexist. Certainly have to be stung by that metal.

I'd like my lesson. Bit of Roman pottery here I think. Part of a pot or a. A bit of sake. That's going in the same ring and tree. See ring tree almost unrecognizable. In behind weeds. But here we go.

It one goes into the pot. I have a feeling that the fairies folk would like a different kind of pot. If I'm honest. I don't do drugs and you mustn't do drugs. There are no rules for stone clearing. That's the first rule of stone clearing. Second rule is you must not be on. Any kind of.

Illegal substance or legal substance of any kind. When you clear stones. Anything that enhances the pleasure. Be avoided. For stone clearing. Yes. Appendance on this world. For the fins.

Of the funds of men. Against. Amen. Of the tone. We must forever die and gimbal in the wade. And clear some stones. What is written and so it must be shall. There is absolutely billions of stones here.

I don't know what's happened. I'm. Just on this bit of path it's insane. I don't know if these are. Those are falling back onto the field or whether it is with a bit of a. Dig down. I'm some kind of farm machinery. But I've got my work cut out for me up here.

Here's an egg. Which an egg. It's a bit like a potato really actually. Egg sized. Sort of medium sized egg sized chicken egg. It's off now. Oh too much too much we could do the stones are calling to me. They talk to you a lot more if you are on drugs have discovered.

I mean I've heard. But so that's part of the reason you mustn't. Because sometimes those. When you're on narcotics of any kind. Simulants of any kind. You may be hearing imaginary sound voices rather than the real ones. And that can. And a slice.

Here. Life Magnus. Stone Starzy number one spotted young man. In casual. Sporting clothes. I'm not sure if you've got a dog or not. You can't tell he's holding something but it could be a different animal. Could be just his penis.

Never know what happened to you on the field. I can't look out where he's going. Is he crossing the field? It doesn't seem to be going too diagonally. Yet is. Away from the path. Has the path turned. I think.

I'm not sure. He is. The ghost of a. Tracksuited man. Could be a boy. But young. They're starting these stone stars. He very young now.

Ah. The pigeon. Sores above me. Catching. I'm the tide of the wind. Off into the next field. He's seen enough stones. He's on his way.

The stone starzy man. A slight monk's haircut. The kind of monk that shaves around the bottom rather than the top. Just standing there. Could well be. A medieval. Maybe mistaken as. Humble clothes.

Some kind of smock. He's just standing stock still. What do I do here? I follow him. Into the poppies. Make love with him. He's moving on. Don't know what he was waiting for.

Wolfie. Not yet poohed this evening. She might not. Doesn't always in the evening. It's just one of the. Wonderful variants. Of my life. Never know what's going to happen.

Will there be pooh to pick up? Will the pooh be somewhere? I don't need to pick it up. Oh, that's the stone of the day. Looks like a. Pelvic bones. Some. Medium sized monkey.

And I'll put that right on the edge between the two fields. And we'll be the next doorfield looking very dry. There's a puddle there, but the actual. Landscape is dry. I suppose it is. A little bit of dump around the rest of the field. And. This man's.

Monkman's top half his body is much too small for the bottom part of his body. Very especially does have a dog. He. Has failed to. Notice the dog. She's right in front of us, but she's more interested. I think. Sniffing around.

So. I. The edge to a couple of here very near that. She's not even an effort, especially with my new. But. Overthrow. Very nice. Coming up here, but some very nice ones still remaining.

Still talking to me. Oh, that was a bit of a loose throw, but I think it's gone off. And that one's off clearly off. So we hear there's no one around to stop us. This has always been the stoniest part of the field. No, I haven't been in it to the center. The rest of the field. Just kidding.

Seven or eight stones off there is a major accomplishment. And they're comfortable. And. Yeah, I know. Even in this area, I'd say in 10 square meters, maybe a million stones. There's eight less. And really, here, this is just astonishing. I don't think I can capture that.

But I've taken some photos already. I can capture just how blood red. Let's go. Let me try. Let's check you're still going. You are still going. Let's check in and stop you. Still going. It doesn't really register.

Extraordinary. Okay. Still going. Still going. On we move. We've been walking for 19 minutes. It's down to the center. It's not a big one.

A chip off a bigger block. It's most spandarous, I suppose. But we may not see too many stones on the way across here. They're very embedded in the ground. I haven't got much time with me because that's not in my... Paul Smith jacket. Paul Smith. Sounds like a bloke you went to school with, but no.

He's a very expensive clothes manufacturer. He's a middle-aged man. He lives... Not yet realized. They're too old. Where? He doesn't have clothes. He doesn't have clothes.

He doesn't have clothes. He doesn't have clothes. Yeah. The thing is, if you want me to sponsor you, you have to pay up. North place have never paid up. Despite the coming up of all those... Paul Smith hasn't paid up.

I admit I'm doing it on spec, but, you know, he seems like a good guy. Puppies are... some red, some purple, dying. That's very sad. What do you represent? Literally almost every... someone has died

in nearly every centimeter of this field, I would say. Well, one day there will be a poppy for me. I hope to go with my boots on. But I hope that my boots are on and also on the same ticket. That's one kilometer done. 28, 20 minutes and 40 seconds of snow,

but we are stopping. That's bonus, not a race. You might care. Let's check it again. Fuzzy. I think I'm going to walk the dog out. There's more coming. I've got two hands full of flat stones.

It might be a bit smaller than that, but I can list the chance of it. In the side pockets of my cork, which I could have put in on because that one is full of sodas. 28 minutes. It's an old one coming up. A crown of some kind.

I hope she can see this. The dog, I think. She's got some very small dogs. She's got some dogs in the back. She's stepping across. She's hiding behind my hedge, which is the most annoying system I've ever put myself in. Let's go.

Come on. This way. This way. Good girl. Stay. Good girl. Thank you. Let's get lost.

What a dog. She's sniffing after us, but I've got all my four stones out. I mean, the force is perfect. There's probably a lot people who call force me, but this guy is the best at making clothes out of long force. It's probably...

There's his hand of so many forcements. If you want to look stylish out on the stonecoring field, that's what I recommend, come out in the soup. I didn't want the dog to be in my handmade soup trousers the other day with my son. And I got quite dirty, so that's why you'd probably shouldn't come out very much. You know, it's just hard to be aware of the various reasons. We needed a washing place, we needed to reckon with the area, so it didn't matter. Just nice to be able to fit back into those suits, I guess, I guess that's what's going on in my head. Right, we're looking out for ammo for the stone pole, seems to feel like a long time since we've been at the stone pole.

Not quite so many bodies down this way. Does that make you feel a bit safer or less safe? It's as hard as you want to kill that place that no one's been killed. I guess there's still hundreds of bodies here. I'm not seeing any much loose ammo actually, so... Is that still working? Yeah, seems to be. I've got these new AirPods Pro, but one of them keeps falling out. I think I need to change the size of the thing in the middle, but one fits fine, then the other one falls outside. I understand that. And do I go smaller or bigger? I don't know.

I don't need a bigger one to get in, but I need a smaller one to fit in best. I don't know, no experiment. Quite annoying, especially when you're running. Just checking it's still there. You're still there, according to my family. Right, we haven't found any stones though to do the stone throwing with. Maybe in this little clade they're coming up to, there'll be a few under the tree. Some triphids growing here. These are small, but they will do the job.

Good luck to England tonight. If by the time you're here, this is probably the game we'll have in play. Good luck, even more good luck to Scotland. Who I'd like to see qualify as well, and we wouldn't that be a delight. If they won, they'd given us all COVID. Very good tactics from the Scottish players. Right, here we are, stone pole, and nobody around to, I think, to spawn my front. My ear pod falling out. Right, it seems quite a long way away.

I think the path's moved back a bit. Well, that's well off the first one. That was the big one. That's hit the wrong pole. Zero. Did I get a 5 out of 5 last time? Oh, just nips the top. One out of three. Very far off. Can you save some? No, one out of five. I'm very sorry. You can make up the terrible luck that that will bring for you by becoming a monthly badger.

Don't press the strike.com subscribe badges. Signing up for Twitch with your Amazon Prime account for free. Oh, why not donate to justgiving.com slash monoballs? Let's do some good with the money rather than just make stupid fucking podcasts. Let's actually do something that can help some people, helping the North Hartfordshire hospitals that have helped me survive this far and hopefully a little further. Nearly 54 now.

Thought I might never see the day and still might not. Still two weeks away. Three weeks nearly. Getting close to oh shit, I'm 60. But if I get the 60, I'm going to be quite relieved. So I don't know whether it will have the same feeling behind it as the 40 and 50 shows. Maybe there'll be some perspective wisdom of age. Just hearing a few more tiddlers.

It's been mainly tiddlers today. I think that's going to be the way for most of the next few months. We're going right deep into the weeds there right by the fence that runs along this part of the field. The hands are dirty. But I'm looking slick. Looking good if any chicks come by. Who's that cool guy in the two years old Portsmouth jacket? Must have bought that when he was thin and then got fat again.

Then got thin again. There was an old man called Michael Finnegan. Don't hear so much of him anymore. Due to political correctness gone mad. Nobody is around. I'm going to have a quick little scoot out here to see if there's any... There could be prizes to be had just here near this central path. I've seen quite a lot of stones here.

But they are now disappearing into the... They aren't even there. The plants are so thick. Just want one. Come on, give me a break. Give my listeners a break. Give them something to cheer and be happy about. How long has it since we found some monstrosity that we could all go, oh my God.

How he's found it, he's found... There's nothing here. I'll put this little one here. I'll put them as... A nice thing about a nippersaw. And this is a really intermediate tip. I guess I've got to ease you in gently. The stones you can put on the cans.

And they'll slip nicely into your gaps and make a much more socket can. That's the kind of thing we're going to learn about. Not next week. Or next time. The time after that. And there's some flies around the main can. It's nicely gone into that little hole. That one's not going to hold.

Looking good. That's the creation earlier this year. My bollocks. I'm heading down the hill towards the ditch. Your email will be coming up soon. You email in now if you want your email to be on the podcast. The ones at the top always get... I'm more likely to see them so do try and email during the podcast.

If you can. It's hard to work out how to do that, isn't it? Nice stone here. I'm sure there are a few cans behind these nettles. I don't know where they are. I'll just throw and hope for the best. Suspiciously, few people out here. But I think that's the joy of the 5.45 to 6 o'clock time zone.

Most people water their dogs in the morning. Our dog needs three walks. I don't even do them all. I do two of them. This is a demanding beastie. Interesting multicolour stone there. Just a tiny shard. I thought it might be a bit of pottery, but it's a flint.

It goes into the trees. Even the smallest I shall wait for. Do not fear. A tiny few tones. For I am your saviour and I shall come and rescue you. Regardless of your 5. A little wiggly worm there under this stone I just picked up. Surprised.

And he doesn't know he's on a podcast. Wouldn't love this family. Would be so proud for him. But he was, but there we go. Wiggly worm. My son's a big fan of the wiggly worm. And yes, just coming down the ditch to stop Brexit. God, this ditch is here.

You don't know what a mess this country would be if I had not got this ditch. Working hard for you. Hard again to know where those stones are. I don't hear any clicks. They're in the ditch somewhere. We'll pick up a few for Alfred and I again. Very small once again.

Bigger than some of the small ones I picked up but still in the small arena. They'll go on the apron on the camera and I'll have a look to see. What emails we've got just scrolling through the emails now. There's a lot to look at. Hard to choose actually there's so many. Wuffy hasn't done a poo. That's not an email.

That's a fact. Alfred and I moved in three phones to finish with. Hopefully that will make the gods happy. Compost nettles. I think that might be John nettle's wife. Memories I have to check on Wikipedia. I don't need to say hello. I'm Compost nettles.

I am John nettle's wife if you're wondering. You've probably seen me on Wikipedia. I'm a bit worried which I've been listening to this podcast from the start. I know you've been going easy on us keeping the beginning of stuff going. John has been a bit derisory of it. He sees himself as an intermediate scholar already. I've noticed he listens to all the podcasts and also sometimes emails in with questions. Maybe he doesn't know as much as he thinks he does.

I'm sensing a little bit of problems in the nourishing John and Compost. Will you be easing this in gently? Richard? To the intermediate podcast? Or are we going bang straight? Is it going to be a very different experience? Well look, there's no spoilers here. If I start telling you what we're going to be doing,

then that will be the same as doing it. You're going to have to wait. You've still got a week at least, another episode before we move on to that. I am trying to just ramp it up very gently so that you aren't too surprised by what's coming up. You sound very nice Compost if you are having problems with John. I'm guessing you're probably in your 70s but there's a chance you're in my age. You don't have to email to the show, just email my personal email. We can chat some more about Stone Clearing.

It's a precious reply to the email error. I didn't say that on the podcast but that's my mistake. My wife doesn't seem to be fine and your husband doesn't seem to. Could be awkward. Sorry John, just a bit of humorous content there. You can get a little serious to try sometimes this podcast right? Well we're backing up. I'm going to lock the gates because it's night time anyway.

I don't usually get this experience. I'm going to lock up the boiler and lock the keys in there. You could have come in and nicked my boiler in the meantime. Let's see if the back door opened. Oh it is. Let's get you some food wars. Let's see if anyone else has emailed in. Smithers Covid test.

Smithers Covid test. That must be a difficult name to have had. Given it's happened over the last couple of years, that must have been quite a cross to bear. I haven't got Covid by the way. I've got some Covid tests just to check. I don't know why I'm mentioning that. Anyway, Smithers Covid test has emailed in.

To say, is there really any other stuff you can say that's going to be markedly different than what you've done? It seems to have been just graphic and upstones. Smithers Covid test. Oh I've given you the wrong food wars. That's why because we're doing the podcast I've done. I've given you the morning food rather than the evening food. You have wet food in there isn't it?

What a banana I am. Well you've got double bubble today. That was Smithers Covid test, isn't it? With a sarcasm. You've got a lot to learn about Smithers Covid test. I hope you will then. There you go wolves. Have a double bubble.

If you want to leave the dry food till breakfast that would be great. Okay, I'm going to leave it there. Thanks very much for listening. We'll be back with chapter 100 very soon. Enjoy your stone clearing. From me and all the me's I've had the wrong podcast. Goodbye. Listen to the birds and trees.

Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stones. Listen to the stones. And they in turn I'll listen to you. My friend. My pine twend. Stone clearing with Richard Herring. Start with me Richard Herring and Wolfie the dog.

And the souls of a million lost stone clearers. Plus that guy in the tracksuit bottoms. Nice old lady. Probably the other woman with the dog. There were some good people. The music is by Mike Covgrave. The voice of the photons is Mike or Faheen. Listen to the stones.

My friend. And they falting. Yeah, Mary does. Don't listen to the birds and trees. Don't listen to your underpants. Listen to the stones. Listen to the stones. And they in turn I'll listen to you.

My friend. My pine twend.